What are things you wish us women knew about men?

SoMuchForLongevity · 2021-10-04T21:45:27+00:00

It's something you already know but often fail to keep in mind: we're just as diverse a lot as you are. For every stereotype about men, there are more exceptions than adherents to the rule.

I really dislike it when I'm treated as "a man" and not as, you know - me.

ohheyhi99 · 2021-10-04T22:01:32+00:00

1) I think constantly about how to avoid coming off as threatening or creepy. It can never be helped 100%. I’m not some shut-in with no social skills or female friends either. I listen when some women say that they’re scared of men, I see that some women are scared of me and I haven’t figured out how to not be so self-conscious about this. (inb4 “well men should stop being so scary”)

Edit:

2) Lots of men who aren’t misogynists or abusers are struggling with attracting women. Lots of men who are misogynists or abusers are not struggling with attracting women.

Edit:

3) I feel really bad for women who struggle with dating and self-esteem too

SonicBackScratcher · 2021-10-04T22:54:33+00:00

Men get almost no complements or positive reinforcement from anyone, but especially women.

My wife and I were having a minor fight at one point and she complained I never give her complements or positive reinforcement, which was silly since I did only the day before, and pointed that out. I then asked her when the last time she gave me a complement. She couldn't remember. She's smart enough that she actually admitted she takes me for granted there.

But women as a rule are showered in complements compared to men, even obese hideous ones get a lot of complements if they post in subs for that here for example. Guys crickets.

An attractive women probably doesn't realize how much a "you did a good job with that" or "you look hot today" can make a man feel.

KamuiObito · 2021-10-05T00:45:53+00:00

That we want love

343_peaches_and_tea · 2021-10-05T08:09:07+00:00

Being a man can sometimes be quite isolating.

People open up to you slower, they're more reluctant to make friendships. My wife will have a baby and she'll get hundreds of other random women talking to her and chatting to her. I get a couple but even with a baby it's much, much fewer.

If I go out to a social (especially a family) gathering with my partner, everyone will naturally talk to my wife first. I have to actively insert myself into the conversation.

It's literally the mirror of the workplace where I can see my opinion is typically listened to more than my female colleagues by default.

It's gotten to the point where I've had to say to my wife "I need to go out socializing without you because i can't deal with being your accessory at another social event".

I think sometimes women blame men for not being so active socially at some events but it is genuinely a LOT harder.

Anantha1996 · 2021-10-04T21:54:10+00:00

Men just like women want to feel special in the relationship and attach more value to sexual attraction than women do.

odd_cloud · 2021-10-04T23:58:36+00:00

We suffer from rejections too.
We do not have a special kind of sense to determine whether it is appropriate to escalate.
Many men with overall good personalities have troubles attracting women.
For many of us there is no option for a "quick fuck" like for women. One of the reasons sex is important for us.

sootlord · 2021-10-04T23:49:03+00:00

Dont harshly judge a man because he can't get it up when you first have sex. Some of us get really anxious 🤷‍♂️

WheelIntelligent1354 · 2021-10-05T09:49:34+00:00

The things that you like/find attractive in us are not the same things we like in you.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2021-10-05T19:53:02+00:00

That you know pretty much 0 about what it is like to be a man.

gkom1917 · 2021-10-05T07:29:57+00:00

That cool collected guy who always takes the lead can be in fact boiling inside. Conforming to expectations of "the real man" doesn't mean having no insecurities, no fears etc. And no, you can't ask to "express his emotions" and then expect those emotions to be only positive or otherwise "acceptable". If you so turned off by some "unmanly" feelings a man can hide inside him, please recognize it as your preference and not as a man's shortcoming. The same goes for saying hurtful things you'd never say to a female friend, just because "men are supposed to be resilient, it's no big deal". Well, he might play it cool, but don't be surprised if he'll move on to someone who treats him with more care.
Male sexuality isn't like Pavlov's dog reflexes. We can be not in the mood too. Or we can be in the mood initially but then be put off by something. If the guy hasn't an instant erection every time he sees you, it doesn't mean he's not into you.
And no, most of us aren't looking for just a wet hole. At least not after hormonal rush of adolescence and early 20's. Machist bravado is one thing, reality is another. Most of us aren't that into completely meaningless sex. And, conversely, most of the time you can't keep relationships with an adult man going solely by sex.
Most of the "creeps" don't mean to be creepy. It's not like you're obligated to respond to them positively, but harsh reactions to any behaviour that puts you personally slightly off aren't gonna do anybody good. Of course it's not always the case, but sometimes it's the case. Hell, we're really worse in reading social cues on average.

backcourtjester · 2021-10-04T22:06:04+00:00

We aren’t a monolith

We also have unrealistic physical expectations put on us

A man who has supported the same football team since he was four years old doesn’t have commitment issues

social_mule · 2021-10-04T23:34:23+00:00

How much we enjoy peace and quiet. I mean absolute silence. No "what are you thinking" or "are you okay" just absolute silence. Not a peep.

I admit I don't speak for all men but I sure do enjoy silence and a lot of women (and some men to be perfectly honest) just have to fill the air with noise because silence makes them feel uneasy.

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-10-05T02:15:55+00:00

Men want a woman who wants them.

_Oh_Be_Nice_ · 2021-10-05T02:21:38+00:00

The number of people who openly show disdain, disgust, and outright contempt to men who cry about the loss of a loved one or friend, the trauma of ~~sexual~~ any sort of abuse, or even tears of joy/relief is too damn high.

The number of people who who believe they're entitled to my time, effort, affection, and wallet without any reciprocation just because they asked me out instead of me asking them is too damn high.

The number of people who believe men are sex-obsessed, sociopathic, psychopathic, emotionally stunted, manipulators from puberty to death is too damn high.

harold_shipman_gp · 2021-10-04T23:54:40+00:00

When in a relationship, if you see me giving 100%, that's not your cue to say "oh it's cool - he's carrying this, I'll drop down to 20% effort".

All that does is make me reduce my own effort. You can't put nothing in and expect to get lots in return. And of course, by the time you realise that, panic, and start pulling your weight again, I've lost interest.

Consistent, reciprocal effort and appreciation please. It's not realistic that everyone gives their absolute best all the time, but just... don't make me carry you like a dead weight.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-10-04T22:38:02+00:00

Nothing, because it's not like knowing does anything anyway. Knowing something about someone you don't care about is just pointless info that will be forgotten eventually.

ThisBoringLife · 2021-10-05T02:05:18+00:00

Hmm...

For me, and maybe I'm biased by my own recent experiences, but appearance isn't the only thing we judge a potential partner on.

Mini-rant: I believe if one clearly states an interest in a person, and hasn't pushed for sex, it shows that their appearance is appealing. And maybe it is just me, but I don't think it has to be said all the time for it to be true. In my eyes, demanding it from someone just announces they're incredibly insecure about their own image.

Side-note, just to invite discussion: Maybe it's me, and call me shallow for this, but I'm of the mindset that if you really care for someone (not in some simp kind of way, like actually in a relationship and are into each other), you'd be willing to compromise, or be willing to make some small changes about yourself. If you cannot do that, I think that's already a recipe for disaster.

Estarossa86 · 2021-10-05T09:48:17+00:00

That pain teaches us to keep our guard up so when you’re in a relationship and we aren’t open it’s usually because of a few things one most men are conditioned not to complain or vent about how they feel so they don’t and, two we may or may not have had bad experiences with trusting people be it friends family etc so we are cautious oftentimes.

scullnomad · 2021-10-05T15:44:19+00:00

Have to seat with legs slightly apart. Not full menspreading bit still...

FizzleMateriel · 2021-10-05T15:59:21+00:00

If you want something in the bedroom, just tell him. This goes for basically everything else, if you want him to kiss you then just say so and if if you want him to do something, then tell him.

If he doesn’t listen to you after you verbally tell him, then yes he is an idiot and you can move on.

trail22 · 2021-10-05T21:18:54+00:00

The average guy here has a harder time dating then the average women here.

Uglinessisreal · 2021-10-06T00:05:58+00:00

If you are a below average man you are almost never on the receiving end of desire.

The reason a lot of men see sex and relationships as so transactional is because they only every receive affection and desire as a result of what they provide, not because of what they are.

nationearthdotcom · 2021-10-04T21:53:33+00:00

We’re painfully insecure and most of our acts of aggression are from a place of weakness

abaxeron · 2021-10-05T01:01:04+00:00

Men are not stupid.

Men don't kill themselves because they have firearms. Men don't beat their wives because they saw a South Park episode that said it's okay. Men don't refuse therapy because they think it's gay.

Not every problem men face is due to them having too much real or perceived power, rights, and privileges, and too little intelligence, will, goodness of the heart, or common sense.

NotTheBestMoment · 2021-10-04T22:03:16+00:00

We are both just like and nothing like the last amazing/shitty experience you had. A red flag means stop. Not stop and turn around, or stop and run, but stop. Assess the situation for what it is, then proceed with what you believe is best. The world is very scary for you. We know that. Nothing we do will actually change that, even if something we do makes you feel less scared.

just_a_place · 2021-10-05T04:23:54+00:00

I just wish women would actually listen to all the things that men in this very thread are telling them.

I wish women knew how to listen to men. Then maybe they would not need to ask us shit about ourselves so very often that it's frustrating as hell by now.

RahLyt · 2021-10-05T15:33:51+00:00

Something I wish women knew about men is that we have emotions too. I know logically they know but emotionally they don't really believe it hence all the double standards they think are reasonable.

DarkDoomDoom · 2021-10-05T17:31:45+00:00

We want to be loved for who we are more than having sex. That’s explain why men don’t want to marry when we know that most women look for commitment only for stability, financial security.
we live in a gynocentric world, women are more valuable for a society and men are a disposable resource. That means society want to protect more women and care more about their life than men that are seen as disposable. That’s explain why women were not forced to go to war, do dangerous jobs and enjoyed the stay at home lifestyle more secure. It’s only since we can work in an office that women participated. Because men are disposable that’s explains why men care a lot in being recognized and contribute to society to prove their utility in a way that women don’t need to.

Crowddsurferr · 2021-10-05T18:11:54+00:00

Men love romantic shit. However often times we feel like if we try to do the romantic stuff it will come off as trying too hard.

Aldabruzzo · 2021-10-05T13:26:23+00:00

That we want you to fucking be nice to us. Could you PLEASE just be NICE?? Or if you can't do that, can you please just not be bitches?

That we don't want to fuck all of you. Most of you, yes. Not all of you.

It doesn't require very much sexual attractiveness for us to be attracted to you and want to fuck you. The bar is low. This is a good thing FOR YOU.

sosayeth · 2021-10-05T00:26:07+00:00

We could give two shits about your goddamn career or income.

John_Oakman · 2021-10-04T22:05:23+00:00

All men are [adult] males, but not all [adult] males are men.

Why is this distinction important? Because a lot of the times it's the LVMs who are paying for the sins that the men committed, while said men are benefitting from said sins in the form of validation and positive reinforcement from women. This creates a feedback loop in which the social environment becomes ever increasingly more dangerous for women, but all the shaming are targeting towards the wrong targets which only creates an illusion of safety.

Wrasserman · 2021-10-05T07:24:17+00:00

When men talk about "the friendzone", we aren't entitled, we're frustrated with trying and failing.

Men aren't happy with being "just friends" because a one sided friendship is never a substitute for a loving relationship.

Suck-Less · 2021-10-05T00:22:51+00:00

In a western world that seems to hate men, the shear magnitude of women willing to ignore that speaks volumes to us. I’m really starting to understand why Hunter gatherer male ancestors often took boys away from their mothers to raise them separate.

The-Wizard-of-Oz- · 2021-10-05T02:36:17+00:00

If we aren't the perfect mind reading bfs you had in high school that does not* mean we do not care about you.

xFallacyx69 · 2021-10-06T11:59:52+00:00

We’re gonna try to fix a problem when you bitch about it. This doesn’t make us misogynists, and it doesn’t mean we’re trying to “mansplain” it to you… we just can’t fathom spending more energy “talking” about a problem than actually talking about fixing a problem, then attempting to fix it.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-10-04T22:22:19+00:00

I mean a lot of women already know and it's not all that difficult generally speaking, just generally speaking obviously we aren't a monolith, but women already know a lot about men and some stuff they just don't care about🤷‍♂️

heyitsjeape · 2021-10-05T00:56:14+00:00

You can't find something if you refuse to look.

passepar2t · 2021-10-05T07:01:58+00:00

You know everything there is to know, you just don't care.

King8Kaista · 2021-10-05T03:46:31+00:00

Our sex drive. Obviously everyone knows that men are more motivated by lust than women, but women don’t understand the intensity of the motivation. Women usually contradict men complaining about women wearing sexually provocative clothes in public with “just have some self control and don’t look.” What they don’t understand is how tempting & distracting it is. Us actively refraining from glancing at a girl requires a great deal of effort and is distracting within itself. Sometimes we’ll even have to go to the restroom & masturbate to get our minds off of it just to see another women revealing all of her curves right after post nut clarity.

Mark_Freed · 2021-10-05T04:57:01+00:00

How feminism shouldn’t mean turning into men and adopting the bad traits we have. How important it is incentivise positive masculine traits in men and feminine traits in herself.

Jakes1967 · 2021-10-05T13:32:30+00:00

What are things you wish us women knew about men?

I'm pretty sure this'll get banned/deleted, but here goes.

That women are creating men, who really and truly do hate them vehemently.

And no, it's not the Red/Black pilled men, the MGTOW, or the men in the manosphere, as we're still talking and trying to fix things.

You're big-time pissing of the ordinary guys who don't have outlets, as any male-only space has completely been illuminated and there's zero male direction to help them deal with their emotions.

Thus their feelings fester and as they do, they truly grow to hate women.

Prismatic_Symphony · 2021-10-05T07:46:47+00:00

Lesson #1: men are not women.

Teflon08191 · 2021-10-05T04:47:01+00:00

That even though we do a great job pretending your shit doesn't stink, your shit does in fact, stink.

silent36 · 2021-10-04T22:34:51+00:00

It is a flex to say you got a girl to sleep with you. Bigger flex, the easier it was. So women choose wisely what the men to fill those slots. Especially if you want a partner to feel like the winner when you finally settle down.

aerial_coitus · 2021-10-05T03:14:19+00:00

If you’ve spent more than 10 minutes on Reddit, you already know. So it’s not really a matter of “knowing” or not.

Insidious-Sid · 2021-10-05T05:42:58+00:00

Women should know that if women suddenly had no vaginas, men wouldn't put up with ANY of your shit that men now need to smile and put up with.

That without your vagina card, most men wouldn't even give you a second look.

iamreallyleaningg · 2021-10-05T01:10:57+00:00

I dont want women to understand what it means to be a man. That's not a burden I want to put on my lover and its not something theyre ever capable of understanding. I simply want them to appreciate that its difficult being a man.

Being a man is difficult, we carry something dark in our souls. The pure animal side of man takes a lot of fucking guts to confront and tame so it works for you. Most men fail. Perhaps that's what the 80% thing is all about. 80% of men fail to ever actualise their potential as men.

The idea behind traditional monogamy and gender roles is that the woman helps the man with the journey to being a fully actualised man, which in turn strengthens the family unit. This is how strong civilisations of the past operated. Today we live in a postmodernist dystopia that believes in nothing. Masculinity is a concept of the past and marriage is a bad deal for men.

LowValueMail · 2021-10-05T09:23:18+00:00

Nothing. We're not different species for fuck's sake.

JALopo1 · 2021-10-05T00:52:54+00:00

Just because I want to fuck you does not mean I want to be more than friends or that I actually would want to fuck you if you offered it to me. It just means you're tempting like a chocolate bar when I'm on a diet.

AutoModerator · 2021-10-04T21:35:33+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

GridReXX · 2021-10-04T22:07:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AreOut · 2021-10-05T06:14:52+00:00

physically strong men are way less likely to commit assault (sexual or just physical), not the other way around as women tend to think

Plus-Alps-6550 · 2021-10-06T07:42:05+00:00

Dark humor is something guys do because on some level it helps us process or lighten things up that are heavy. Not necessarily conscious but there’s a reason people reflexively / adapted to do it beyond just “not caring” I imagine a lot of nurses or EMT’s can relate.

tonyghow · 2021-10-06T19:02:18+00:00

That we are not mind readers. If you're interested, say something. Share the burden of rejection with us.

Iowasunsets · 2021-10-07T02:11:20+00:00

That there are as many shitty guys in the world as there are shitty women. Being a jerk, an asshole or a pig isn’t exclusive to any gender.
Abuse isn’t exclusive to women, I was sexually assaulted by a teenage girl when I was 5 and roofied/nearly raped when I was 21 (luckily I was saved by a female friend). No... I wasn’t asking for it or wanted it and I definitely don’t feel lucky to be assaulted against my will.
We can love romance just as much as women, which sucks when girls expect you to be thoughtful and romantic... But think just fucking us at the end of the night equates to the same effort. Sex does not equal romance. If you ever get upset about romance in a relationship, ask yourself what romantic efforts do you put in?
Put in effort if you expect effort. Give us a compliment, do something to show you think of us, show that we’re someone you cherish.
Don’t treat me like a walking sperm factory. If you care more about my sperm and getting me to get you pregnant than you care about me that is a fucking problem.
Just because you offer to sleep with me I am not obligated to want to or feel lucky. I get that being turned down is difficult, and I try to do it in the nicest way possible if I do, but I don’t owe you an explanation. And no you trying to pressure me or question my manhood definitely won’t help you. (I had a female coworker make a drunken pass at me at a party and I turned her down gently and she threw a fit, cursed me out and called me a “Scrote who probably likes dick”. Classy.)
Not all men love big breasts or fat asses. Some do but men are like women and can have a variety of preferences.
Not all of us are looking for 10 out of 10 super models to fuck. Sure there are definitely assholes like that are shallow. But most of us are just looking for the same thing you are.

LORD-THUNDERCUNT · 2021-10-07T07:13:09+00:00

As a man, if you have a mental illness, even something as minor as social anxiety, your quality of life is practically non-existent. No relationships, no friends, no respect from anybody including family. I go to group therapy twice a week and the difference between the men and women is absolutely jarring. The women all have some semblance of normality (careers, husband, kids, etc.) while the men just seem hopeless. Basically all the men are single, addicts, and have no friends.

Plus-Alps-6550 · 2021-10-07T15:45:56+00:00

When women demand to pay for their own stuff because they “don’t want to lose their independence”, it sounds like they’re looking for a measure of security in case things go wrong.

But that same logic exists behind a prenuptial agreement.

DarkSp3ctre · 2021-10-09T04:28:50+00:00

Maybe it’s just me but I feel like the men who try to listen to women and empathize with them when it comes to gender issues are usually the ones more sensitive to the constant “men are trash” barrage. Most misogynistic guys will shrug it off as women being hateful, but the guys who try to give a damn will just feel worse and worse for being “the enemy” when they’re the ones actually trying.

Stunning-Spirit5275 · 2021-10-15T22:20:00+00:00

That we actually feel emotional pain. That when you perceive our emotionality as weakness, it makes it even more painful.

Title	What are things you wish us women knew about men?
Author	FabulousFuchsbau
Upvotes	53
Comments	480
Date	October 4, 2021 9:35 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/q1fvsl/what_are_things_you_wish_us_women_knew_about_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-are-things-you-wish-us-women-knew-about-men.1077401 https://theredarchive.com/post/1077401

Comments