Is YOUR partner a sex pest? Many women are complaining about 'gropey' husbands – and how to stop him hassling you for good. OP: Men branded "sex pests" even in a relationship!

SteveorJimmyorJack · 2022-09-14T10:56:26+00:00

Seriously: why are there still guys who care about THESE women?

niko_xf · 2022-09-14T10:59:33+00:00

But then if men are not interested in engaging it's a big issue and sign he is cheating or he doesn't love her anymore.

RabidusRex · 2022-09-14T10:57:37+00:00

The quickest solution to putting an immediate end to sex pest behaviour is to come to an agreement on a mutually acceptable way to request sex.I would strongly advise you settle on words not actions.
Ask him to say, 'Are you in the mood for sex right now or can you tell me when you think you might want it? Because I'd really like to have sex with you as soon as you'd like to.'
It's imperative to separate sex from affection. Otherwise even innocent affectionate gestures will be seen as thinly disguised hints for sex, and you'll end up avoiding both sex and affection.
Setting this one ground rule alone – and having it adhered to - will make an enormous difference.

No man wants to get married to a woman who has this kind of mentality....

Algoresball · 2022-09-14T10:49:51+00:00

Do these women want a husband or a roommate?

jdlr64 · 2022-09-14T11:17:30+00:00

Men, run from a woman that says your a sex pest. It will end in child support or divorce. A woman that is attracted to you will not say your a pest.

LordMaska · 2022-09-14T11:27:50+00:00

Fucking asshole husbands, always trying to have sex with their wives. Wtf I'm ouraged.

rainbow_bro_bot · 2022-09-14T11:29:23+00:00

Yet men are also villainised if they want to stay single and avoid relationships, or if they're in a relationship and don't want sex.

Almost as if feminist columns in tabloids want to complain about men no matter what.

WeatherIsNiceUpHere · 2022-09-14T12:14:35+00:00

“Him wanting sex more than you doesn't mean he has a problem”

Uh…then you should probably change the title. Your messaging is really off.

2022-09-14T12:29:29+00:00

I love it when my partner touches me. That doesn’t mean it always has to lead to sex, it’s just fun and intimate for us. If a woman doesn’t like her man touching her then she must not be attracted to him.

BeABeaconGiveHimHead · 2022-09-14T13:41:06+00:00

Publication cover Two months later: WHY DONT MEN LIKE TK BE AFFECTIONATE ANYMORE? “I JUST WANT MY HUSBAND TO WANT ME” SAYS SAD LADY.

HuntingTeckel · 2022-09-14T11:58:38+00:00

Why do these women always look like they'd spit in your face for no reason at all while you're walking down the street?

2022-09-14T13:55:20+00:00

Women get bored with sex in a long term relationship: https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/02/women-get-bored-sex-long-term-relationships/582736/

Sexless relationships are not good: https://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/are-sexless-marriages-and-relationships-normal.aspx

Effects a sexless marriage can have on partners and the relationship: https://www.marriage.com/advice/physical-intimacy/sexless-marriage-effect/

Sexless marriages are grounds for constructive abandonment: https://www.kurtzandblum.com/family-law/sexless-marriage/

There is a difference between "sex pest" and "not having sex enough to satisfy a partner". It is normal, healthy and reasonable for a person to want to have sex in a marriage. If it isn't happening frequently, then there is clearly a mismatch of some kind and maybe it is better to find a new partner. Is it fair to "pester" your partner? No. But the problem is that men can't leave the relationship without losing everything - their partner/friend, their income, their belongings. So what else can they do? Damn them if they do, damn them if they don't.

3DemocracyActivist · 2022-09-14T12:02:00+00:00

This sort of thing makes my stomach turn if this is an article from England. In England, women who torture children including boys (which I only bring the gender of the child up because of the context of legal discrimination) to death, are exempt from being searched by a male prison guard, but men are not exempt from being searched by a female prison guard. (Because the dictatorial misandrist child torturer sympathising government says so, without democratic vote on the issue)

I won't criticise Scotland / the Scottish government for this because I think Scotland has men search men and women search women in prison (equality) this is specifically an England problem / England government problem.

Once again this is one sided misandrist evil. If it wants to say "your male or female partner gropes and this is wrong" then fine, that's an opinion, that isn't sexist. However this (England) is land of the dictatorial child torturer sympathisers, and one sided evil misandrist law.

I'd like to see them make a news article about that.

Magical-Hummus · 2022-09-14T11:53:42+00:00

I really never understood this. Is not the person you decide to spend a whole life time with somebody you trust the most? In other words, are they not making you comfortable enough to be okay with and actually wishing they suddenly show you affection?

Sex is normal and touching your partner is no different than a kiss on your forehead or a general hug. It does not help that those people who complain about a "gropey partner" are the same ones who demand that they show unplanned (yes it sounds as weird as it is) affection. Besides tell me a scenario where a woman does not get sudden affection in a long time and where she does not conclude "my partner is no longer attracted to me".

Addtionally, what about female partners that never accept it that their partner refuses sex and always make a big deal of it. They also become "gropey". And in most cases when a man says no a woman suddenly thinks it is about her attractiveness, and simply pressures (forces) her partner to have sex with her.

GambitSE · 2022-09-14T11:42:53+00:00

No man I know would accept this. No man also wants a woman who doesn't want him. I've heard my whole life out of every woman I've ever dated that they want us wanting them. Or else they question if we're getting it someplace else. This is a very harmful mentality to try to control your husband's sexual desires. He will find it elsewhere if felt rejected for long periods of time. It's not even cheating at that point. It's filling a natural need like eating. I can and will always respect if my wife isn't in the right state of mind. But denying me nonstop and thinking that is a fun adventure for me is the most immature mentality I've ever seen written on paper. This is how you lose a husband.

Throw the whole woman out. For treating you like your some child that needs to be tamed and controlled. There is a line out the door of attractive women who want to get fucked. They're the ones who will get the next ring and the love/attention now. Not this sexist shit that no man will deal. No I'm not promoting rape. No man wants a woman who doesn't love him back. If you don't want to have sex with me. At least twice a week as a min. There is something wrong. It's just a fact. And I don't have to sit around and hope you'll change. I am just as strong as a strong woman. I don't need to sit there and listen to the bullshit lies. Physical contact is important for mens mental and emotional well being. It's a psychological fact. Even if it's just a fucking hug. Treat men with respect and care about their needs. And the mature men who put effort into life will always return the same.

PicklesAreMyFriends · 2022-09-14T14:31:02+00:00

"How to prevent your man from showing attraction to you"

-CloudHopper- · 2022-09-14T11:39:06+00:00

My husband says it’s important for him to feel close to me, for the closeness of the relationship, for our bond and intimacy. I think its easy for women to skip over this, and think it’s all about the physicality.

jmcsquared · 2022-09-14T12:58:16+00:00

Sex positivity is only good for women, obviously. /s

But for real, the hypocrisy knows no bounds. Literally found two articles on Thought Catalogue that illustrated this very thing. One was how porn was making men worse at sex, while the other posted a year before said how beneficial it was for women to watch porn.

Naru4odo · 2022-09-14T13:56:36+00:00

Listen, men if you are in that situation, as I have said before, start going 50-50, stop taking care of her, stop paying her way if you were before, being that she wants to be a roommate, then become true roommates. Simple

OldEgalitarianMRA · 2022-09-14T11:21:29+00:00

You shouldn't be physically affectionate with your wife:

For one couple, having a partner who is 'gropey' is funny and flattering. For another, it's harassment and 'rapey'.
I believe the problem has less to do with the amount of sex requested and more about the WAY it's being requested.

Again, why get married? Oh yeah, we just can't live without a woman in our lives. Men are not complete without them./s

BlvckAnomally26 · 2022-09-14T12:45:55+00:00

Women: Men need to stop being “gropey.”

Also Women: My husband doesn’t give me any affection any more. He doesn’t make me feel special.

It’s a lose or lose situation.

want-to-say-this · 2022-09-14T13:27:02+00:00

Why does every subject and issue come down to making the woman happy in the situation?

Tell him to not initiate for two weeks so you can feel sexy and maybe initiate. Ignore your husbands needs for weeks until you feel like you want something then throw him a bone.

11Alive11 · 2022-09-14T14:45:47+00:00

Oh, the rich double standards continue. This article may as well have been written by my wife. Anything even remotely sexual I do is blasted as inappropriate and objectifying, yet she's more handsy toward me than I am to her. We have sex maybe once per month and only if she initiates it. She'll get mad when I try to and expect me to immediately drop it if she's not in the mood. However, if I say I'm not craving it, she'll just go ahead and make it happen anyway.

Sadly, there are too many women out there to eat articles like this up and take it as gospel. It IS a woman's job (and a man's job) to please their spouse. If someone doesn't feel that way, then they likely shouldn't be married. You can't really demand fidelity and having sex on your terms all the time if you clearly display that you don't care at all about what your spouse wants or needs.

When the media isn't peddling the rape culture lines, it's constantly telling women they deserve it all and owe nothing in return when it comes to sex and relationships. Pop culture has evolved into a full-on cancer when it comes to relationships and family life.

BeRad_NZ · 2022-09-14T16:44:37+00:00

Women: I want you to initiate.

Also women: omg, why are you always wanting to have sex?

CawlinAlcarz · 2022-09-14T12:15:01+00:00

This kind of attitude is pure garbage and aimed at keeping weight and pressure on the only non-socially constructed leverage that women actually have over men - sex.

dukesaces · 2022-09-14T11:17:58+00:00

Sex is an implicit part of any marriage. A wife that won't have sex with her husband is like a husband that won't work or provide for the family. You don't have to face a dead bedroom. Divorce her and move on, she violated her end of the marriage do why are you keeping yours?

MusicalGold · 2022-09-14T14:23:06+00:00

Sex Pest sounds like a hidden track on "Enema of the State."

f0ej0ker · 2022-09-14T14:01:17+00:00

This is why I will not be getting married. Too much pressure as a man to please a woman and no care for my own happiness.

kingslayer990 · 2022-09-14T14:27:29+00:00

Lmfao…why do they always want to show that only men need sex…

Normal-Yogurtcloset5 · 2022-09-14T17:50:10+00:00

Women who expect the financial security, emotional support and physical labor of a husband while maintaining a dead bed should be told to not get married because they have unrealistic and unreasonable expectations. For men, this is like going to a restaurant and being told that their expectation to be fed is unreasonable but are still presented with a bill.

Darkwolf90 · 2022-09-14T12:35:51+00:00

Remove blame – from both sides

It's time now to stop labelling each other.

This is essential – and much easier to do once you've established some ground rules.

Him wanting sex more than you doesn't mean he has a problem; you desiring sex less than him doesn't mean you have one either.

This is a challenge you face as a couple.

If the two of you join as a team and work together, you'll get somewhere in solving this. A lot further than calling each other names like 'sex pest' and 'frigid'.

Dixienormous81 · 2022-09-14T12:36:10+00:00

Wouldn’t it be similar to your wife constantly wanting romantic gestures (flowers, gifts, dates etc) to the point where it becomes a chore because you’re not that interested in it but you have to do it to some extent to appease her ?

Unfortunately all humans have their own conflicting wants , which leads to these kinds of problems

Hopefully one day we have sex/partner robots that can cater for all our needs without requiring anything in return

2022-09-14T13:56:23+00:00

It's imperative to separate sex from affection

That single sentence alone invalidates the entire article and speaks volumes about how out of touch whoever wrote it is with healthy sexuality. And the fact that it's not the only thing wrong in it, plus the glaring one-sidedness of the entire thing, just makes it insane.

Yes, communication and trying to work things out is key, there are some good things in there, but name calling, blaming men alone for a bad sex life, saying men have to change while not even trying to assess the situation and the circumstances of a relationship, especially not taking the man's side into account just believing everything the woman says as 100% accurate as usual, and treating sex as some kind of planned encounter you mark in your calendar after asking for appointment is just wrong.

Like

Once you've decided on all of this, it's time to tell your partner.

See, this is good, a man doesn't know what his partner won't tell him.

If you find that conversation daunting, write a letter or email instead. That way you can take your time and word everything so you're completely happy.

However what the hell is this? I'm pretty sure if you don't feel comfortable talking about sex with the person you have sex with, there's some deeper problems there that should be addressed first.

You also need to share the role of being the initiator.

This is also good. Women should initiate more.

Ask your partner to hold off on initiating any sex for a period of two weeks.

But again with the planned nature of sex and men having to "hold off"... why does it have to be mutually exclusive?

platyplops · 2022-09-14T14:41:53+00:00

If you read the language of the article, it's very clearly a woman writing using personal anecdotes and experience rather than any basis in science or objectivity

ZenofZer0 · 2022-09-14T18:02:45+00:00

Just buy her a farewell gift of a vibrator and a cat. You can throw in the wine bottle if you want too. The fact is that she will most likely be alone unless she finds some creepy subservient dude that lets her *** him instead. Don’t waste your time on these women, not worth. I’ve been in a miserable committed relationship and found that it’s soooo much better to be alone. About that time I found someone cool. I’m not special. Each and every last one of you can do the same. I’m serious about this. Just shut these women out!

MisterBowTies · 2022-09-14T13:48:46+00:00

Yet when a woman in r/marriage said her husband wasn't wanting sex as much as she wanted everyone jumped to hauling him to a doctor to get his hormones "fixed" no one was suggesting to talk to him or even ask if he was happy. These people don't like it when men want sex and show it with their partners but if a man doesn't want sex when the woman demands it, in their mind he is literally broken.

PugnaciousBart · 2022-09-14T14:21:27+00:00

This is part of why I don’t want to get married

Qvs007 · 2022-09-14T19:30:04+00:00

It's funny how hormones are to blame for women's mood and reaction and women can't help it......but men need to keep their hormones in check

5150hot · 2022-09-14T23:18:44+00:00

Just get a divorce because if you hate your husband touching you it will never get better. You are the problem, not him

ISmellLikeBlackTea · 2022-09-14T11:43:55+00:00

Okey, can we just stop being in toxic relationships? We don’t need women, they need us. And that goes up with time

GoodFinePrint · 2022-09-14T12:25:48+00:00

And why am I with you then? Might as well be friends

SweetAccomplished542 · 2022-09-14T15:09:43+00:00

These bitches are wallet pests.

Justda · 2022-09-14T16:04:47+00:00

If your woman or female friends are like this, leave and cut them off completely... It's that simple. Stop giving selfish women your time, all you're doing by putting up with them is concreting their entitlement.

5shad · 2022-09-14T16:47:33+00:00

Yet they still have their hands in men's pockets.

MGTOWManofMystery · 2022-09-14T17:03:23+00:00

Reason # 3,492,138 for men to avoid marriage at all costs.

Seriszed · 2022-09-14T17:52:12+00:00

Damn…. If I don’t do this my wife thinks something’s wrong…..

321_hex_DS · 2022-09-14T22:17:39+00:00

If you dont fuck her enough she cheats(your fault)

r/fds ; if you fuck her tooo much its an exhausting chore and its rape.

These sjw femanazi articles are always championed by single women with cats n wine. Always.

The_Other_Jay_TX · 2022-09-14T22:56:38+00:00

I've been married to the same woman for 36 years. If the decision was made in today's environment, it wouldn't happen. Marriage is a ridiculous choice for any man now.

Geekmonster · 2022-09-14T12:22:17+00:00

Everyone needs a partner with the same sex drive.

jacare_o · 2022-09-14T13:14:34+00:00

This is why you don't sign a marriage contract. Once you sign, she is entitled to be financially provided by you, but she is not held responsible for giving you sex or keeping you happy in any other way. You are just a plowhorse.

Don't sign these unfair contracts. Keep the option to leave when she doesn't do the bare minimum to keep you happy.

2022-09-14T14:33:23+00:00

Men don't have needs, just insects we seem to be :/

AcadiaLegal6386 · 2022-09-14T16:22:38+00:00

Anytime my woman complains I want sex too much, she gets replaced, I’ve done it once and I’ll do it again 😂

OldSamVimes · 2022-09-14T21:00:34+00:00

Nobody gets married because they want to be celibate.

hellraisinhardass · 2022-09-14T23:26:45+00:00

But it also helps to recognise that when you pledge monogamy, there is an unspoken pledge that you will try to satisfy each other's sexual needs as best you can.

And there it is. Why would I marry you if I'm not going to be able to fuck anyone else or you? Sex is a chore? Yeah, sometimes, just like mowing the grass, that doesn't mean I just get to decide that I'm not going to do it anymore.

NebulousASK · 2022-09-15T00:47:57+00:00

How to stop him hassling you.

1) Tell him you don't want him to grope you anymore.

2) He leaves.

3) Surprise pikachu face.

abc123xyz0 · 2022-09-15T01:03:12+00:00

"is your woman a wallet pest?"

(spends money that is not hers)

Ninja_Arena · 2022-09-14T12:49:59+00:00

Be ok with your husband getting strange then.

pablitosocool · 2022-09-14T13:02:43+00:00

just finished randomly groping my wife and she demands that I give her sex in exchange.

who's the sex pest now?

NickTesla2018 · 2022-09-14T15:12:31+00:00

How about her being "gropey" on my wallet?

Uncle_Touchy1987 · 2022-09-14T11:59:53+00:00

I put a ring on her. If I stop touching her she’s gonna think I’m out touching someone else.

2022-09-14T12:49:30+00:00

This is why stuff like marriage keeps plummeting. All the other factors aside, such as finances and freedom, being locked into a dead bedroom or a “pest” situation is for the birds.

Soda_BoBomb · 2022-09-14T15:07:37+00:00

It's articles like this that make men not approach women and ignore the "hints" women give because they don't want to be wrong and labeled.

Also, don't be a sex pest married guys, but also if she feels like you aren't attracted to her anymore that's your fault and you can't be mad if she cheats.

sohumm · 2022-09-14T15:44:02+00:00

At this point - why do they even need marriage?

Also, at this point, I still see men are marrying.

Both of these category women and men are same - imbeciles.

Go buy "love". or Only get into NSA.

MrProficient · 2022-09-14T15:56:05+00:00

It should be noted that the article's author is married but does t have any children of her own. She's not a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist, so none of her opinions have any merit in how people think other than entirely opinion articles. What I mean is she talks about the psychology of relationships in her articles but doesn't actually understand what she's talking about considering she's not an actual psychologist. Her background describes as having a background in psychology and journalism which most likely means they have a minor in psychology and a major in journalism probably a four year degree. She's not a PhD doctor otherwise it would be everywhere that she puts her name as Doctor. The point I'm getting at is this is not a credible expert to be listening to as this is just a person writing opinion pieces who never had kids of her own and seems a bit resentful.

MaximinusThrax69 · 2022-09-14T16:01:16+00:00

As a fat man all I can say is don't be grabbing on my titties out of nowhere. Give me some warning, buy me dinner.

_BeefJerk · 2022-09-14T17:06:17+00:00

Each day I'm more convinced we should return to ye olde marriages, where they were strictly used to obtain/share land, goods, and treaties.

carpetpants · 2022-09-14T17:25:24+00:00

All of this nonsense can be ended if we decriminalize prostituition. We as men need to be far better at being a group advocating for our needs. We already work great as a team for whatever project we need done; we just need to translate that same energy towards our personal needs. We can be better!!!!

anoduck · 2022-09-14T17:31:20+00:00

Kamala Harris famously is on record proposing that husbands should be required by law to pay their wives for sex.

Take that into consideration.

Baboon_Stew · 2022-09-14T18:17:37+00:00

I'm not done having sex. It's up to the wife to decide if she wants to be there for it or not.

World_Renowned_Guy · 2022-09-14T18:23:27+00:00

Glad my wife isn’t like this at all.

HannibalsProtege · 2022-09-14T18:36:46+00:00

Her bio falls short as she is nowhere close to being a therapist or psychologist. Her close friends are all psychologist so it's more than likely she basis her articles off of their opinions.

However the entire article can be summed up in two sentences (the first mentioned in comments below):

"Ask him to say, 'Are you in the mood for sex right now or can you tell me when you think you might want it? Because I'd really like to have sex with you as soon as you'd like to.'"

There you go, the onus is always on the man and accountability for maintaining the relationship falls dramatically short when it comes to women. No surprise there.

SuspiciousGrievances · 2022-09-14T20:42:51+00:00

Men don't want to be with me when they don't get sex.

Shocker

ChadMagic1 · 2022-09-14T22:51:25+00:00

If ur not slapping her ass when you walk by her, i feel sorry for her

SadPatient28 · 2022-09-14T22:54:08+00:00

ive been single 15+ years. i love sex with women but it's not worth it.

The effort you have to put into it at the end of the day. women in my experience want connection, intimacy, chemistry which means you have to take them to dinner, wine and dine, dates, hiking, farmer's markets etc, for that connection just to get sex... it's just not worth it, IMHO.

all the media and studies talk about how women think men are creepy and gropey for wanting something natural. I'm tired of being shamed and made to feel bad for something that is natural.

DeltaAgent752 · 2022-09-14T23:11:32+00:00

I would think it’s a bad sign that your partner don’t wanna touch you anymore. but hey to each their own. go ahead and stop your partner from wanting to have sex with you

GainzGoblino · 2022-09-15T00:34:56+00:00

"Ask him to say, 'Are you in the mood for sex right now or can you tell me when you think you might want it? Because I'd really like to have sex with you as soon as you'd like to.'"

Say this to any bird and she will be dryer than the Sahara desert

MarsRisen · 2022-09-15T00:43:13+00:00

Wow if I heard something like that, divorce papers would be immediately served.

RisingWolfe11 · 2022-09-14T15:00:11+00:00

I mean, I make fun of my fiance who started to be all over me more when I got my hair cut/dyed it (he was always attracted me, just think my hair cut suits me more and I look better ^⁾ but I wouldn't go this far 😕

This is way too much. I love the fact I know he is attracted to me, and just wants me. Why would you wanna get rid of that??

AspirationsOfFreedom · 2022-09-14T18:32:21+00:00

Alot of men are, sadly...

But we could also talk about the number of sexless marriages, who initiates divorce an overwhelming amount of time, and who constantly complain about the other gender has to change xyz while they... dont.

But ofcourse, men are the problem again

Kinexity · 2022-09-14T12:49:17+00:00

Bruh. How is that supposed to work? Is someone going to tell them that sexual touching and sex itself are intrinsic parts of the relationship. If I had a wife I'd touch her because guess what - people like touching each other if they are close enough. If you do not understand that then don't engage in relationships. Also no sex for me => no relationship for you. You cannot have the cake and eat the cake at the same time.

aimin221 · 2022-09-14T14:37:13+00:00

LOL Just find you somebody that wants the D. Men should stop boning these women.

2022-09-14T15:25:59+00:00

Tell her to open her mind. Free use sex is all the rage now. Stop being backwards lookingb and get hip to the times granny!

2022-09-14T18:43:50+00:00

Let me put it this way, when my ex wanted sex, she got it.. even if I was tired, sore, or not 'in the mood.' Why? Because sex is a human need and when i got married, i promised she could 'have and hold' me and that we would be 'one flesh'. I thought ee take care if each others need.I viewed that as part of marriage. She however seemed to think that those promises were not reciprocal.

Most_Heart_1214 · 2022-09-14T21:25:31+00:00

This post is rage bait at best.

People, that's men AND women, need to only be in relationships based on trust and mutual respect. It's actually very rarely that this ocurrs among people under the age of 25.

camellight123 · 2022-09-14T18:50:22+00:00

My bf is ok with me randomly touching his dick. I am not. Since he cares about my confort, he'll pet my knee or rub my arms instead, and give me the sexy eyes. He gets more sex that way, I'm comfortable and happy I say it's a win win.

rocker12341234 · 2022-09-15T09:01:42+00:00

the thing with this is i can understand both sides of the story. on one hand yes its the woman's body shes entitled to say no. hes not entitled to it just cause they in a relationship. but at the same time 9 times outta 10 it gets to that point cause the women put out a heap during the relationship and portrayed themselves as one way, but the second the ring came out and they trapped the guy, they change completely and expect the man to just accept those changes. even if it means shes gone from someone who matches his sex drive to someone who wont put out at all and sees nothing they do as good enough no matter how much they try.

New_Builder8597 · 2022-09-14T11:50:49+00:00

I dunno, I think I'd rather a kiss on my neck to get me enthused than two hands coming from behind to grab my boobs and a voice saying "bars, barp" to get me all excited. In this particular case ONLY, despite discussion, I think there's been a failure to communicate. I mean, if only my ex-husband had told me that "barp, barp" was his only way to get hard, I would have accommodated that, but he never said (you know, apart from "barp, barp" which I havent even seen in porn). I sincerely (literally) would like an explanation. Yes, I did do the girly thing of asking for a more romantic invitation (including neck kisses) but his response was to lie naked in bed with me and rub his penis up and down my butt crack while grunting - which again, I didn't find attractive, but I admit he was trying.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-09-14T11:57:51+00:00

The thing about sex these days is women often experience guys leaving them after sex but not leaving them because of sex.

So sex is something that women try minimise once in a committed relationship because it's "safe" - because sex threatens the relationship. Whereas it should properly strengthen the relationship.

So, something of a Madonna-Whore complex sets in with women these days.

Freud did describe a manifestation of the Madonna-Whore complex in women as being one where women have interest in sex when it is prohibited (more commonly today this is ONS and FWBs) yet there interest goes when the relationship is legitimised (eg. Marriage) yet their libido returns when they have an affair.

So, what do you do?

After NRE has faded it's really important to sit down and assess sexual compatibility.

And of course strongly assert that sexual incompatibility is a good reason to break up, and that without adequate discussion on sex, the relationship will fail.

Pleasant_Tiger_1446 · 2022-09-14T14:55:57+00:00

Listen, I love sex, I'm always up for it. But if I can't hold my bfs hand without him putting on his dick - an hr after we just had sex - that's annoying.

darreeq · 2022-09-14T18:59:06+00:00

This is actually a decent article. It has some questionable parts, but

Him wanting sex more than you doesn't mean he has a problem; you desiring sex less than him doesn't mean you have one either.

is not a bad message by any means.

The title is clickbait

serb2212 · 2022-09-14T15:31:32+00:00

Jesus fucking christ guys, have you tried, I dunno, talking to your partner about what makes them horney, how they can be turned on throughout the day, what you can do to put her in the mood? At all? Look, men get horney instantly. Women do not. Some women need more than an ass slap and an inappropriate grope infrotn of the kids while watching bluey. I do these things as a joke. I NEVER expect my wife to get turned on from this. Jesus. Run here bath, light some candles, take a shower, smell nice, wear some nice cloths (men like their women in skimpy outfits, women prefer dressed up men), put some music on, and so on and so on. Have a conversatile with your partner about how they like to be turned on and fucking DO THAT! or just keep slapping their ass infront of the kids and then wondering why you never get laid. Man some of you really need to get your heads outta yo asses.

2022-09-14T11:28:43+00:00

Sure, that original dude on the post sucks, but that's ONE dude. Relationships aren't all like that.

winatreddit · 2022-09-14T12:45:40+00:00

Fate of betabuxxx. Just get plastic surgery

lzzbian94 · 2022-09-14T12:55:20+00:00

“It’s NEVER okay to force a partner into having sex when they don’t want to. If your partner does any of the following, it’s time to reconsider the relationship.

Insisting on having sex when you’ve made it clear you don’t want to. There’s only one word for this: rape. There is such a thing as rape within a committed relationship.

Threatening you for sex. Not just with violence but saying things like they’ll withdraw your access to money if you don’t have sex.

Belittling you for not wanting it. Calling you names like ‘frigid’ or accusing you of not being a ‘real woman’ for not putting out.

Insisting sex is their ‘right’. You are not a possession or property. No-one has the right to force you to do anything.

Making lewd suggestions in front of other people or your children. It’s disrespectful, degrading and harmful to the mental wellbeing of children.

Grabbing for your genitals or intimate areas forcefully. This is sexual harassment – and yes, you can be harassed by a spouse.

Refusing to talk about the problem. If your partner won’t discuss things with you, you have no way of stopping offensive behaviour.

Refusing to consider your request to stop. A complete unwillingness to change or acknowledge a problem is your cue to leave the relationship.”

I see nothing wrong with this article. It hits on a lot of good points.

CounterSpace9 · 2022-09-14T09:32:53+00:00

Being married doesn't prevent you from being a sex Pest. You can be annoying and pestering regarding sex no matter what your relationship status is.

It's annoying behaviour and no one should do it so I see no reason to post an article defending the behaviour or saying men in relationships are allowed to pester as much as they want.

oncothrow · 2022-09-14T12:47:53+00:00

Not only is a man's inability to convince a woman to organically have sex with him not a men's rights issue, but the article is right. Being annoying is being annoying regardless of your gender. The whole men's have needs thing is fine if you are talking about an actual need like food or water. You aren't starving from a lack of pussy in your relationship, and saying that you are truly is some incel shit. Way to convince the rest of the world that isn't what we are i guess.

jaketheweirdsnake · 2022-09-14T13:26:37+00:00

Well this is cesspool of incel level comments. Groping and intimate touching is something that is agreed upon between a couple, if one side w doing it more than the other wants then yes, that individual is being a pest. Just because you are in a relationship does not mean you have free reign do whatever you want to your partner without consent.

2022-09-14T15:54:57+00:00

My gf just left in some hot shoes and my dick is hard right now.

Foxsayy · 2022-09-14T17:27:11+00:00

The article isn't totally wront, and even has some good points. The issue is thays it's skewed towards making men out to be the aggressors and doesn't seem that this could be the other way around too. If it was a gender-neutral article, or even just cited (if true) that men tend to be one the dissatisfied end of a dead bedroom situations more often than women, it would have been fine as an article.

tyzbit · 2022-09-14T19:20:41+00:00

What is a sex pest?

For those who didn't see the original Mumsnet post, it painted a typical portrait of one.

The woman's husband is constantly looking for opportunities to try his 'luck'. If she bends over, he slaps her bottom. He wants a full-on snog fest while she's doing the dishes. He mouths dirty comments while they're watching kid's TV as a family. If she puts her feet on his lap on the sofa, he tries putting his hands between her legs.

Sounds awful, right? You'd expect a flood of 'get rid of him' responses – except that's not what happened.

Some did suggest she leave him – but others said the problem was as much hers as his.

I feel like it's a reasonable request not to act like this.

Imagine a partner who is constantly pestering you to go for a bike ride with them. It starts as soon as you wake up and they don't go more than 2 hours of being in the same room as you without them directly or indirectly asking you to go on a bike ride with them, or reminding you about bike rides just in case you wanted to go on one.

The thing is, you already work out. You like bike rides too, but you aren't normally interested in them before breakfast. You also would like to do other things in your life without constantly being reminded about bike rides and how your partner wants you to go on one while you're doing something else.

With that said...

Ask him to say, 'Are you in the mood for sex right now or can you tell me when you think you might want it? Because I'd really like to have sex with you as soon as you'd like to.'

This is a monumentally poor idea. Proposing sex in the same way as coworkers decide on where to eat is ridiculous. Learn how your partner signals when they're interested (being more affectionate, more eye contact, smiling more, it could be anything. You can just ask them once and you'll know going forward!), and find a way to be clear in your signals without leaving the signals up all the time. And if you don't get an enthusiastic response, then let it be for a while. Your partner received your signals and they'll "have sex with you as soon as (they'd) like to".

2022-09-14T11:24:25+00:00

If this grandma is so opposite horny, why is the old naked lady only wearing a suit blazer and staring so hard?

CAWitte · 2022-09-14T13:18:52+00:00

I admittedly didn’t read the full article, but I found it strange that she says in one portion that you need to separate sex from affection. Then in another portion, she says that part of sexual desire is loving the other person and wanting to please them sexually.

Diligent_Advice616 · 2022-09-14T15:46:06+00:00

The artical actually wasn’t entirely one sided for once. Kinda weird to read it and be like huh not hate speech this time.

tsawsum1 · 2022-09-14T17:13:35+00:00

This is definitely bait. Only a few people think like this, and now if you have to date them. Be commutative about boundaries and find someone who agrees with yours

isthebuffetopenyet · 2022-09-14T20:12:53+00:00

Next article, women complaining because men don't show them affection any more.

Also, women complaining because men aren't always emotionally available.

The gist of this is, sow dissention wherever possible; between sexes, races, countries, classes, focus on the differences between us all so we forget to complain about the real problems in our lives caused by our leaders.

lifelonglearner22698 · 2022-09-14T21:35:44+00:00

This whole sex thing is a problem of communication between partners, male and female, and responsibility SHOULD be on both of them. It’s unfair that we are still portrayed as the ones “coercing” partners into “forced sex”, when most of the guys I’m friends with or people on this sub aren’t into straight-up forced rape.

AverageHorribleHuman · 2022-09-14T22:25:32+00:00

People are running out of shit to write about

tommy29016 · 2022-09-14T22:41:13+00:00

Go find someone else…

StingRayFins · 2022-09-15T01:36:31+00:00

Even children complain less

femspective · 2022-09-15T01:41:03+00:00

My ex-husband was insatiable and it got to the point where he was seriously emotionally abusing me when I didn’t feel like having sex. That made me lose affection for him completely. My current husband is amazing. He doesn’t act like a 16-yo horn dog. He’s subtly seductive and isn’t constantly pressuring me for sex, so it’s more erotic with him. We’re ten years in now and our attraction to each other has only gotten stronger.

dante42lk · 2022-09-15T01:49:23+00:00

Women: ugh, guys are so stupid, they can't read our (totally not bad executed) hints!
Also women: "Ask him to say, 'Are you in the mood for sex right now or can you tell me when you think you might want it? Because I'd really like to have sex with you as soon as you'd like to.'
It's imperative to separate sex from affection. Otherwise even innocent affectionate gestures will be seen as thinly disguised hints for sex, and you'll end up avoiding both sex and affection."

B1G_Fan · 2022-09-15T02:15:12+00:00

If sex isn't a reasonable expectation for wives, it creates a kind of Office Space type scene within the marriage

"What exactly do you do here?"

dissentforall · 2022-09-15T02:36:40+00:00

These articles are such bullshit and bad advice. The one thing all men have to learn about women is they DO NOT come to any of their internal feelings or perceptions in a logical manner and they will take no accountability for the impact from their decisions. The exact same women that claim they don't want to be "groped" or chased after sexually by their husbands will be the exact same ones who get immediately paranoid about you cheating the second you ease up on it and then will get passive aggressive and emotionally abusive due to their internal unease.

Also if you start asking to arrange sex then it will be a complete turn off and feel robotic to her with no passion.

cuddaloreappu · 2022-09-15T04:35:45+00:00

The only person who is never a sex pest is the chad bad boy, who can get away even with rape.

Professional_Ad8074 · 2022-09-15T04:46:12+00:00

I love my man gropey 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yaaasss king grab me allll say-smack my ass every chance you get

Happyasyougo76 · 2022-09-15T05:12:44+00:00

I find it interesting how pretty much no-one talks about the root cause of such behavior, which we all know to be a combination of the sexual instinct and porn-culture. The former is natural whereas the latter is not, and I am pretty certain that it’s the latter that causes the “pesting”.

The article is saying that men are GUILTY and thus WRONG for behaving that way. But the question we need to ask is “who is responsible for the programming?”.

Imagine the alcohol and ad-industry complaining about ppl being drunk. Would THEY have a right to complain, given that (1) they love alcohol-addicted ppl because the more is consumed the more $ is made, and (2) they heavily advertise how “funny” and “cool” it is to be drunk through the entertainment industry? There answer is “yes and no”. The alcohol/ad-industry is at least HALF responsible for ppl being addicted to alcohol, thus in order to eliminate such behavior, they themselves NEED to fix their behavior (e.g. less toxic advertising, etc.) in order for said behavior to change.

Well, the same logic applies to sex-addicted ppl. Half the blame does certainly go towards men simply because even as an addict, you HAVE the choice to overcome it. However, anyone who knows anything about a serious addiction knows that it’s definitely no easy task, which is why MOST addicted ppl need outside intervention to help them overcome their addiction. Well, where is the help for those “pesting” men in the article when women THEMSELVES not only engage in behavior designed to KEEP men in an addicted state (e.g. keep men sexually objectifying women), but they will do ANYTHING to keep such power in existence by supporting and defending porn-culture. Remember, no woman has a gun held to her head and is told to engage in/defend/support a porn culture, it is done by their own choice.

In other words: women are the “alcohol-industry” and porn-culture (which includes the entertainment industry) is their “advertising industry”, thus women have no right to complain unless they themselves begin to change their ways in order to help men out of their addiction…. and we all know that toxic feminists won’t ever let sexual addiction go because they base their value as humans ON sexual attraction.

What’s ironic is that the very women who take part in/defend/support a porn-culture are also the very same women who are at least half responsible for the “pesting”.

My point: either be a GOOD person and HELP others overcome an aberrant behavior, or keep your mouth shut, because doing otherwise simply means you are a parasite that feeds off of the very same energy that YOU are complaining about.

AxalonNemesis · 2022-09-15T07:39:06+00:00

Any new phrase they can come up with to demean men when the others start losing some edge, they will...

Top_Professional4545 · 2022-09-15T08:23:35+00:00

Rewind a few years you'll prolly see articles about slut walks in the same magazine lol. Whatever sounds good at the time type of thing.

Ok_Expression_6793 · 2022-09-15T20:58:37+00:00

It is a new age GUYS. The male is not needed like he was a few years ago. Try to remain calm and be submissive. Women are the power of existence and do not need our power. Just surrender your manhood for now to enable the rebirth of the true male to give the women power for her existence in nature by PURE MALES to let a rebirth that is a balance of power over nature.

Parzec1 · 2022-10-07T02:38:04+00:00

The wife should send him to Tinder to find a younger, more attractive female that appreciates his libido and attention. That way she will no longer be bothered by him.

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