CMV: What’s the point of marriage when it only benefits women?

wtknight · 2023-04-12T02:45:42+00:00

I don't think that the men who have unsuccessful marriages think that it's going to end up the way it does when they are first getting married. Everyone thinks that they are the couple that will always have marital harmony and never divorce.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-04-12T02:06:27+00:00

It doesn’t just benefit women. I love my husband and I take care of him, cook for him, do his laundry, manage his medical appointments and his prescriptions because I kinda want him to be around. I put him on my insurance and I supported us both when he was sick. We provide each other with companionship, affection, sex, a team mate against the world. He takes care of the house, the car, helps take care of my dad and my daughter. We’re partners.

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-04-12T01:47:21+00:00

Tax breaks and insurance benefits

In some cases hospital visitation rights only go towards family members

Inheritance purposes

General legal benefits essentially

Novadina · 2023-04-12T04:02:52+00:00

Nothing you’ve said in the post has anything to do with your claim in the title thst “marriage only benefits women”. What are the marital benefits only women have access to that you want us to change your mind about?

Just because men you know apparently married women that are “combative” and who they don’t even like and thus are miserable doesn’t mean marriage somehow only benefits women. (I am super curious who these older men are that are talking to you about their terrible marriages and dead bedrooms, is it older family members, coworkers, or what?)

If a woman feels bored or uninterested, she can just send in divorce papers and leave with the kids or worse, cheat.

Men are able to do this as well…?

So basically as a guy, you have to keep her entertained or else she’ll just up and leave because the “connection is not there anymore.”

Women also have to put effort into their marriages or their husbands may leave.

Knowing this in my early 20s makes me disinterested in pursuing marriage in the future as I don’t think a lot of women in my generation have the patience for a long term one.

Knowing what, that some men married “combative” women they don’t like and who don’t like them? Why would you think that’s the only option??

To answer “what the point” of marriage is - near as I can tell my husband gets the same benefits from marriage as I do - a partner, a companion, combined finances, social benefits, lower taxes (when considering the household’s tax bill), access to my health insurance (that’s a benefit he gets that I don’t). It’s helpful to have a partner in life just the same reason it’s helpful to have a partner in business or anything else - more people with the same goal have a higher chance of reaching it if they work together than alone. For example, my husband and I were able to buy our first house only due to our joint efforts. And as a team we have accomplished many things like that, that would have been harder to do alone.

Of course you can have a bad partner, who could bring you down instead of helping, but this isn’t about gender, both men and women can get bad partners. If you want to get married (there is no requirement to do so), you can learn from experience how to pick good partners, and don’t be in a rush to get married, take your time and make sure it’s a suitable decision for you and your circumstances.

Lovers691 · 2023-04-12T01:54:21+00:00

If you are religious(abrahamic) it is the only sexual or romantic union that is acceptable in the eyes of god, If you love someone and want them to have an easy time having your resources if you died and most women would not what to stay in LTR with marriage. Aside from these things, you can get most of what you want in a LTR: sex, kids and companionship and you can also be forced to pay child support to her if she leaves and if you live in some Canadian provinces and some US states you can pay a form of alimony to your partner since you could be seen as common law.

ffandyy · 2023-04-12T05:38:35+00:00

This is an incredibly one sided description of marriage

2023-04-12T09:54:02+00:00

Men are much more likely to remarry after divorce/being widowed and reporting being healthier and happier compared to single men.

So your premise is false.

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-04-12T03:35:32+00:00

There are many studies showing marriage benefits men more than women. You also have no idea why these couples you know are combative and have dead bedrooms. Emotional distancing and complacency, usually instigated from the male end, is a really common marriage killer for instance. That can lead to the behaviors you describe.

Hopefully people find a partner that makes them happy. But the problem is, many people nowadays dont want a partner, they dont want to compromise and are too selfish. The majority of men who post here are like this, they'd make terrible husbands because they see women as what they can get from them and dont seem to understand its a give and take. Also many people simply dont marry people compatible with themselves where they can be themselves truly.

KayRay1994 · 2023-04-12T04:15:22+00:00

now, personally i’m not a believer of marriage outside of having children. With that being said, for many it is an expression of love, and that’s totally fine too.

With that out of the way, marriage exists to have a legal foundation and accountability for things like joining financial resources, accountability for children, etc

With that second point out of the way, it takes two to kill a marriage - many boomers in particular have gotten married because it was socially expected of them to, to add to this, because they had their childhoods and early adulthoods in a time of economic ease, “working hard” isn’t exactly in their DNA - both the husband and the wife stop trying, and they’re both bitter because of it. Let’s not pretend this is a one side to blame issue

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-04-12T15:59:55+00:00

If the women are choosing to divorce the men, they clearly aren’t benefiting from the marriage. Either no one is, or the man is still getting some kind of benefit even if he complains. They might not talk about how their wife cooks, cleans, does most of the parenting, schedules appointments, remembers birthdays, picks out all the gifts for the family, takes care of him when sick, scrubs the skid marks out of his underwear, and still has sex with him regularly even though it’s not as often or passionate as he wants, and generally puts up with his shit.

In other words, people love to complain, and there are two sides to every story.

MullNad2 · 2023-04-13T06:52:49+00:00

You answered your own question in the title. Marriage is for women, not for men; for men it's like going into a casino: you only stand to lose, not win.

EulenWatcher · 2023-04-12T02:29:01+00:00

Marriage benefits both partners and kids assuming both partners are family-oriented and compatible. Vetting can be hard, there’s no fool-proof methods and you yourself have to be a good partner and be ready to work on and in relationships. A lot of people fail either at vetting or working on their marriage. Some also just aren’t cut out for marriage and shouldn’t have got into one, but they either didn’t know that or felt pressured.

Your experience also highly depends on your social circle. We know that statistically married people have better stats finance and health wise as well as higher happiness rates (correct me if I’m wrong). There are some content and miserable couples I’ve seen in real life, so it might also depends where you’re looking at. If I look at my family and relatives, I see mostly content couples. Among my mother’s clients there are lots of miserable couples, but that’s not surprising considering she’s a lawyer.

Safinated · 2023-04-12T03:32:47+00:00

Maybe you are wrong, and everyone can also make their own decisions

You already know why people marry, you’re free to choose for yourself

relish5k · 2023-04-12T02:46:42+00:00

The main people who benefit from marriage are children. The point of marriage at the end of the day is creating a stable home environment for children. Yes hypothetically you could do this without getting married, and you can get married, have kids and still split up. But your home is much more likely to stay in tact if you are married. If you don’t want kids I’m not sure there is much of a point in getting married.

But it’s nice to know that the person you love the most loves you the most too. And that they are willing to super swear it in front of all of your family and friends, and you have a nice party which is probably the only time you will have everyone who loves you in one place. And you get to feel like a celebrity during the party and go on a fun vacation afterwards.

And then you have this nice feeling that the petty shit doesn’t really matter so much anymore because you and your spouse are in it for the long haul. It’s just a more chill, relaxing vibe. It’s nice to share a vision and a dream with someone, and work together to make it happen.

Marriage is long. Even happy marriages aren’t happy all of the time, all marriages have rough patches. But most of them survive in the end (especially among spouses who are educated, get married a bit later in life, and aren’t plagued by financial problems). Ultimately tho anyone can leave a marriage, but 70% of women who get married will never file for divorce.

Also married men are basically in the top tier of everything in society - happiest, healthiest and wealthiest. So it’s not a shabby club to belong to.

But ultimately it’s your life and your decision. Maybe you will protect yourself from hurt and heartache by never making a commitment to someone. Maybe you will miss out on life’s greatest joys. It’s up to you.

cromulent_weasel · 2023-04-12T03:41:33+00:00

Who's holding a gun to your head and forcing you to get married?

If you don't want to get married, don't.

Miserable_Yam4778 · 2023-04-12T02:45:52+00:00

Another "sell me on marriage" post. Surprise Surprise.

Nobody is going to force you to the altar kicking and screaming. It's your prerogative to choose not to get married. It's also the prerogative of women who want to be married to refuse to entertain you because of it. I as a woman have zero interest in getting married, but I don't feel the need to aggressively broadcast my opinion because I don't want people trying to talk me out of it. If you're actually comfortable with your decision you'll usually STFU about it because you don't feel the need to justify your choices.

microchipgirl · 2023-04-12T02:31:58+00:00

It doesn't really benefit women. Get married and ruin your body to provide him with children which then causes him to stop wanting sex with you while you lose relevance to the working world taking care of the family and home and helping him find the ketchup right in front of his face, so that when he cheats and leaves you in your 40s or 50s for a younger woman you're not only saddled with being a single mother (which gets shamed while being a single father gets applauded and supported) but you can't get a job much better than supermarket cashier bc you've been out of the workforce too long and you need "mother's hours" to attempt not needing babysitters and there are still a lot of companies out there run by people who think hiring a single mother is a liability...

Marriage does not benefit women.

MistyMaisel · 2023-04-12T02:17:24+00:00

I mean, if you want to list why not to eat sushi and you mention food poisoning, that's fair, but also, you know, lots of people eat sushi and are fine.

Marriage gone bad is bad. So is everything else on the earth. If you're asking why risk it, because it's worth the risk.

People always think of life when they're young. Not when they're old. If you never marry, you drastically increase the chances you'll have no one to care for you when you become old, disabled, infirm, or the self knowledge that someone truly loved you and was willing to face life next to you.

I also think people don't realize how much of life is unavailable and becomes lonely without marriage or something like it. Your friends are likely to marry, have children, and settle down. There's a very strong possibility if you don't that by your late 30s or early 40s, you will be alone. You will have all your money and no heartbreak and be alone in a way that is nearly indescribable for how utter it is.

Men talk about not getting regular sex in marriage like it's the worst thing in all of life. But it pales in comparison to say needing a major medical procedure and having no one to care for you. No sex is a walk in the park compared to even just getting the flu alone. And truly, those scenarios aren't even that bad. There's disability, trauma, and loneliness that makes a dead bedroom seem desirable as problems go. Especially since it is typically solvable if caught and corrected.

Men talk about nagging and disrespectful wives, but again, does it suck? Sure. But it's nothing compared to getting like Covid and having no one to care if you live or die or talking to doctors to get you the best care. Or even to have achieved so much of life and have no one to really share it with or applaud you.

And none of this is mentioning children or how great a relationship can be when it is going well. Honestly, a bad relationship is horrid, but it is not the worst calamity available in this vale of tears.

neetykeeno · 2023-04-12T05:26:39+00:00

Well really is it that much to fucking ask that you commit to participating in keeping her entertained?

Is her life truly to be only trudge trudge trudge through the work of helping you earn enough to buy a house then trudge trudge trudge through the work of raising kids, trudge trudge trudge through the work of keeping you happy sexually way past the point you've fallen into sexual routine and your dick don't work so good any more because you're a middle aged man who has been sedentary in front of a computer most his life so now it is her job to keep your limp wand splooging despite boring boring same old then trudge trudge trudge through looking after you in retirement once you've become a grumpy old fart...and then you die and she's too old to really have much fun herself now?

Is it really that much to bloody well ask that after she is committed you not be the most boring, time consuming, fun killer in her life? Is it that much to ask that she not be the only source of shared fun joy and pleasure in the household?

BoopEverySnoot · 2023-04-12T05:50:41+00:00

This is such a distorted worldview about marriage. Your personal experience isn’t universal and I suggest you open your eyes and look for the happy marriages too.

If you can’t do that, then at least realize marriage doesn’t only benefit women. Often women do all the mental labor in running the household and are expected to do the bulk of the physical labor too- even if they work full time and/or raise kids mostly on their own. If men have combative wives or a dead bedroom maybe they should evaluate how much work they’re putting into the marriage. I’d be bitter and cold if my husband acted like another child I had to take care of instead of the partner he is.

lighthub · 2023-04-12T06:13:50+00:00

Married men are happier than unmarried men. (Meanwhile it’s opposite for women)

Married men live longer than unmarried men (The opposite is true for women)

Married men enjoy higher status and career promotions, get more respect and are trusted more

Divorced men remarry more and faster than divorced women.

Divorced is filed by Women more

This subreddit and related is full of men crying about wanting women.

Guy in your 20s do some growing up first, and some of you need to stop with these Gaslighting posts. Oh such great benefits for women to become a man’s housekeeper, chef, cleaner, life manager, doing most of the child rearing while doing 50/50 bills at the same time.

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gymbronyc718 · 2023-04-12T02:16:58+00:00

Approval from society.

13choppedup2chopped · 2023-04-12T02:31:00+00:00

Honestly, there’s no point in getting married if you are broke, don’t have kids, don’t own property, and are both citizens. Otherwise, you’re not really getting for any real reason. You’re just telling someone you think they are really really cool.

wrongneurotype · 2023-04-12T09:16:56+00:00

That is so funny. Imo marriage only benefits men. No matter what you do, as soon as there are any issues with the relationship or his attraction to you he’s likely to go and cheat on you. Then you get to choose between staying loyal to a man who disrespects you and breaks your trust or being left alone with kids. There are probably men who won’t do that, but most men are so secretive about their inner thoughts/intentions that you could never tell if you’ve chosen the right person. The chances of ending up with men like that are not worth it at all, it’s very high. They’ll leave you an old single mother and by then your dating prospects are basically none. They ruined your one chance. They get to go start a new family and you get to be a single mom because apparently most men would rather marry people 20 years younger than them, so that’s cool. Rather just not be let down like that because if the relationship were to end you’re left with absolutely nothing unless he happened to have an amazing job in which case you get to be rich and lonely for the rest of your life. Better for women to just spend time making friends and building their careers and fuck it get some cats

abaxeron · 2023-04-12T09:37:36+00:00

Legitimate biological children.

That's it.

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-04-12T16:11:59+00:00

Marriage is a dying institution. A product of the past.

obviousredflag · 2023-04-12T19:26:28+00:00

Don't marry. It's so easy. I am 39, never married, always in relationships and i don't think i missed anything.

Spyro7x3 · 2023-04-12T04:31:48+00:00

If you’re that miserable let her cheat and get out as the good guy. Obviously they’re fighting for something.

Also modern life makes marriage even harder than it was.

Ultimately a marriage without God is folly anyway

Secular marriage and gay marriage make no sense at all I’ll give you that

authroplura · 2023-04-12T04:32:28+00:00

Don't get married unless the woman displays next to zero red flags. Marriage is a huge investment for men and shouldn't be taken lightly. Things like high N counts, superficiality, combativeness, expecting you to be her sole provider are just a few common red flags to watch out for but there are more. Not to mention things that are red flags to you personally don't ignore those either and trust your gut instinct, don't be afraid of being single because it's better than being with a low quality woman.

Barneysparky · 2023-04-12T01:48:14+00:00

You might want to look up the statistics on who benefits from being married.

stats135 · 2023-04-12T01:44:26+00:00

Kids. The point of marriage is to give your children the best you can give them.

It sucks for the man. But in almost all cases, it's a sacrifice men are willing to make for their kids.

DiamondLilyD · 2023-04-13T02:11:54+00:00

I think marriage only benefits men so I'm in agreement but for the opposite reason.

AngeCruelle · 2023-04-12T01:43:46+00:00

Sex, childrearing, suffering, and pursuit of eternal salvation through perfection of virtues.

If you're referring to secular marriage, I have no idea.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-04-12T07:59:24+00:00

Because it evidently doesn't only benefit women. Otherwise the majority of men wouldn't be choosing to get married and they certainly wouldn't have made it up in the first place. You can also leave even if you change your mind and aren't feeling it any more.

kochIndustriesRussia · 2023-04-12T09:33:40+00:00

There is no point for a single, self- sufficient man....zero (other than cheaper sex...it's never free). Married women with children could give two flying fucks about "who" owns the penis that fucks them when they want it. They picked a sucker to give them all his money and help them raise children, which is all they ever wanted from the jump. Most would reject this position, naturally, but their actions tell the tale.

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MrHustleTopG · 2023-04-12T02:17:41+00:00

Men are finally asking themselves this question and not doing it

Whole_Suit_1591 · 2023-04-12T02:59:25+00:00

Marriage is about family. This type of relationship and long term commitment are for protection of property and children and wives if something happens to a providing man. It's also supposed to work the same for a providing woman. Both sides families are to step in and help if there is a loss. People just cant handle long term personal relationships when they start too young or for the wrong reasons. Education Career $$$ Family. Not ready is not ready.

mike-sonko · 2023-04-12T03:37:56+00:00

The only reason that makes sense to me is immigration

Ok-Goose7939 · 2023-04-12T04:29:46+00:00

Marriage makes sense and is useful if it holds together and the family lives in love and understanding. Often this is not the case, but there are also healthy marriages.

OmoshiroiKudamono · 2023-04-12T06:50:38+00:00

Its because women married a man who was NOT HER FIRST CHOICE. Women tend to be hypergamous as well.

The wife probably had her "hot girl summer" "304 phase." She got with Chad and his crew. She settlesDOWN(grades) with Brad. Because Brad will NEVER measure up to the top %, she is NEVER fully satisfied with Brad.

Women love to act like body count doesn't matter. But THIS is why men care so much about it for LONG TERM COMMITMENT.

gate18 · 2023-04-12T11:12:00+00:00

As a guy in my early 20s, I’ve noticed a lot men that are older than me seem miserable in their marriages. Their wives are either combative with them almost frequently or the bedroom is dead (or a combination of both) and situations like these mostly end in divorce, but most men are willing to push through for the sake of not experiencing the financial burden that comes with divorce, especially when there’s kids involved.

There are tons upon tons of women in the same situation. They should leave but they can't imagine a better live. Yess you will say "but there are more men", I will say "no, there are more women". We'll start calling each other simps and wokes and morons

The point is some people are in shitty marriages.

What's the point of marriage when it only benefits women?

No point what so ever. Don't be dumb to get it an arranged marriage where only the other person benefits. Every child knows that.

If you are trying to say in every marriage, or in most marriages only women benefit, it's not true. Else it means men are morons scared of being alone. Breaking news: They would not be able to hold down a job if they were all morons

Again, some men and women, due to investments, kids, and the comfort zone, do not leave a shitty relation.

Knowing this in my early 20s makes me disinterested in pursuing marriage in the future as I don’t think a lot of women in my generation have the patience for a long term one.

Great.

DXBrigade · 2023-04-12T11:42:43+00:00

Because it doesn't ONLY benefit women and it's not a financial burden if you choose your partner wisely.

Epiphanic_Eros · 2023-04-12T12:38:55+00:00

How about working to make yourself an excellent lover and decent human being that can have a genuine, mutually beneficial relationship with someone? Who cares whether you get married

Professional-You1235 · 2023-04-12T12:58:23+00:00

If she rich, then you could get something out of it, otherwise marriage is just dumb, lol

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-04-12T13:39:21+00:00

What do you want out of a marriage that you don't think you're getting?

the_jingster · 2023-04-12T13:48:15+00:00

It's a negotiation tool for men in the dating phase

notseizingtheday · 2023-04-12T13:56:01+00:00

Divorce benefits women if they weren't working as much as you because they were taking care of you and your family. Marriage benefits men so they can focus on thier careers. It's fair.

PookyTheCat · 2023-04-12T13:58:25+00:00

You noticed what I did too, some 30y ago. So I decided to not get married. No regrets.

throwaway164_3 · 2023-04-12T14:30:07+00:00

The point of marriage is kids, and to create a stable family unit

Peacesquad · 2023-04-12T15:29:22+00:00

Marriage only benefits women to begin with. The only reason marriages exist is for women. Women need security and validation. What’s the ultimate form of that? Marriage

Iluvalmonds83 · 2023-04-12T15:38:55+00:00

I think it’s a good thing, if you both intend on starting a family unit with children to take care of, especially if it’s mutually agreed upon that one spouse will need to financially depend on the other (which may happen when you start making babies and while raising young children).

But regardless of a marriage in place or not - the quality of the relationship totally depends on both partners consistently putting in The work to make the relationship healthy and enjoyable. Dead bedroom, growing apart, etc will happen regardless over time if you are not putting in the work, or chose an incompatible partner in the first place.

2023-04-12T18:31:19+00:00

I don't agree that it only benefits women. It's lost all religious, social, political, psychological meaning for everyone (for better or worse) and is largely bad for everyone. Celebrating your love publicly, if that's all Marriage is, is like insisting on a large party because you made a really good friend. Turned 36. Went to the gym ect. It's not my perspective ( happily married) but I can't see what's in it for younger people.

Wooden_Ad_2591 · 2023-04-12T18:48:02+00:00

I think what most people get wrong is what marriage will be like. It's very challenging to harmoniously grow together. Lots of compromise, talking about things and not hating each other through the process. There are a lot of unknown unknowns that challenge every marriage. I personally don't have the mental fortitude or desire to make marriage work. I think people should be more honest with themselves about what they want in life. I believe there'd be a lot less divorce if they did.

djdmaze · 2023-04-12T22:35:31+00:00

I hear you, I know of a lot of cheating wives…and I mean a lot. My ex wife cheated on me too. Thank God I came out ahead in the divorce and won the house because she couldn’t afford a lawyer and didn’t show up. The only time dating down and not up in life actually works out. Had I dated up and not trailer trash, I would’ve surely gotten wrecked. She was trash but man I loved her to death…still do

MxMaster9907 · 2023-04-13T08:17:30+00:00

Simple solution, don’t marry.

Khabeni412 · 2023-04-15T17:59:24+00:00

You are correct. Women break up most marriages because they become bored and cheat. Marriage almost always benefits women especially when there are children involved. Women are more likely to get custody thus benefit from child support. People in general need to realize we change in a relationship. Over time we are not going to be the same person you married. And that's the excuse women use. "He's not the same man I married". Well you are not the same either, and that's okay. We should grow more mature with time and adjust. But women can't seem to do that like men do.

ilovegaryb99givmore · 2023-04-18T09:49:47+00:00

Single women and married men have been proven over and over again to be happier and live longer than married women and single men.

Women are six times more likely to get divorced when diagnosed with an illness, as opposed to when husbands do.

So tell me more about how marriage benefits women when they’re more miserable and die faster than their single counterparts, and get left behind when they need medical help but stay when their husbands get sick. ‘Women are loved unconditionally’ my ass.

Sufficient-Koala7204 · 2023-04-18T11:38:12+00:00

Do you want kids? That's why I got married. Ex wife wanted to get married, I didnt but wanted kids..boom...married. Sure I suppose I could have searched for the attractive 10% of the 5% of female population that was cool to have kids without being married but just marrying a woman I like and was an attracted to seemed like an easier solution at age 31.

Now at 41, I am exactly as you described. Turned out, she "wasn't happy" aka midlife crisis and an urge to bang new dudes with the support of her friends/family who were also banging random dudes and pulling away lol. She had been pulling away for about 5 years...im the same guy....but of course its my fault.

In some ways being married benefits you too. .I banged twice a week on average. Had my laundry cleaned and folded. House was generally kept clean. Someone to go on vacations with and relax. A partner to help raise my kids. An additional salary and the benefits that provides.

Its not the worst deal. Then in divorce.....I lucked out bc she let me structure it. So I didn't get completely hosed. I mean...don't get me wrong...im still in a worse financial position than married....but I'm not that guy paying 3k a month in child support who sees his kids every other weekend.

So I understand your perception and the points you made, but many/most women are going to want that. Its fine if you don't. Especially right now. You are 23....but at some point, you find that banging randoms gets old or that hot chick you are datong went from "I don't care about marriage" to "let's get married" once her biological clock starts ticking and you may just go with the flow and do it, despite your reservations.

I get the risk....I am proof of the risk. But...if I think about my life with my kids now and the simple pleasures I enjoy with them, its way better than being a Chad and plowing random butt into my mid 40s. Life is just deeper more meaningful with kids...IMO.

Title	CMV: What’s the point of marriage when it only benefits women?
Author	Successful-News8042
Upvotes	54
Comments	212
Date	April 12, 2023 1:39 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/12j5iy1/cmv_whats_the_point_of_marriage_when_it_only/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-whats-the-point-of-marriage-when-it-only.1214136 https://theredarchive.com/post/1214136

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