If your husband/boyfriend would have oral sex with all of his past exes but would never do it for you even if you enjoy it, would this cause problems in your relationship?

YaKnowEstacado · 2023-05-18T03:01:39+00:00

It would cause problems whether he did it in the past or not.

Demasii · 2023-05-18T01:14:57+00:00

So you pout and move on

Continue moving on. This new information literally changes nothing. I'm still in the same place I was before. With a man that's 99% perfect.

Barneysparky · 2023-05-18T00:59:27+00:00

I as a sane person would ask him why, meanwhile assuming their was something very off about my smell.

If it was a odor issue I would go to the doctor/stop eating what was causing the odor or taste to correct it, then we could start over because the problem is solved.

If he felt forced before and didn't want to do that, it wouldn't be a problem.

saraimarsena · 2023-05-18T01:45:04+00:00

yes, i would leave, because i enjoy oral sex. has nothing to do w his past decisions, his current ones make us incompatible

i have no interest in resigning myself to an unsatisfying sex life.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-05-18T01:30:50+00:00

He would never make it to husband if he did not pleasure me the way I like to be pleasured, and he would not last long as boyfriend either.

angelicasinensis · 2023-05-18T01:35:58+00:00

My ex wouldn’t do that, turns out he is gay. 🤷‍♀️

One-Introduction-566 · 2023-05-18T01:16:00+00:00

I wouldn’t be with a guy unwilling to give it regardless of whether he did it with his exes.

eefr · 2023-05-18T01:13:10+00:00

I would wonder what his reasons were and would ask. Some reasons might be understandable, others less so.

Ultimately I could live without it if he got me off in other ways. I wouldn't be thrilled about it but if the relationship as a whole were really good, it's something I could do without.

(Btw I do not want a man who is "protective." That's your little fantasy, not mine.)

ChadChasingB · 2023-05-18T00:59:38+00:00

I am leaving if my partner isn't giving me what I need, for any aspect, in a relationship. There's no pouting or worry about what he did or didn't do for an ex. None of that matters to my relationship.

No one is telling men to stay in relationships where their needs aren't met either. People are saying that no one is entitled to a behaviour because someone did it in the past. They are not the same thing and no woman is entitled to any sexual behaviour because her partner did it in the past either. She's free to leave.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2023-05-18T01:58:17+00:00

I wouldn't have stayed in a relationship without oral regardless of what he did or didn't do with his exes.

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2023-05-18T03:40:11+00:00

We wouldn’t be together, let’s start there. Doesn’t matter about the past, I’ll be unsatisfied with who he is right now.

Popular_Accountant60 · 2023-05-18T01:08:51+00:00

I’d break up because sexual satisfaction is important to me in a relationship. And if I’m not getting oral, you’re not getting oral and now we’re both mad.

Impossible-Bank-1697 · 2023-05-18T01:34:19+00:00

If i enjoy oral he won’t make it to become bf or husband in the first place.

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2023-05-18T02:18:24+00:00

Why would I pout and move on? I’d break up we aren’t compatible. Sexual compatibility is pretty high up there in what would make someone perfect in every way.

This was asked yesterday it was asked last week it will continue to be asked I’ll repeat what I said yesterday:

Men you have to find something comparable that evokes the same emotional reaction sexual competition does in men.

This compare contrast game will fall flat until y’all do.

AngeCruelle · 2023-05-18T01:57:44+00:00

My boyfriend doesn't have any exes

greedyleopard42 · 2023-05-18T02:22:11+00:00

the “would even do it for casual sex partners” is getting to me no matter what lmao.

i just don’t understand people putting the privates of a person you just met in your mouth, unless i guess he used a dental dam.

idk aside from that it would probably depend on the reason why he no longer does it but used to. maybe there’s some crazy outlier reason.

Safinated · 2023-05-18T01:24:12+00:00

That would mean he is uninterested in making me, in particular, orgasm during sex

Which would mean either we use sex toys every time, or I dump him because I won’t come. Also, he will never get oral from me

xcheshirecatxx · 2023-05-18T02:08:41+00:00

I wouldn't stay with a man who doesn't do it, even if he didn't with the previous ones

mrsmariekje · 2023-05-18T07:16:32+00:00

Firstly, how the heck would anybody know what he did in a previous relationships? In which kind of conversation would it be normal to say 'Oh I ate her pussy for breakfast lunch and dinner'? Maybe my conversations are super boring.

But anyway, the bottom line is that if something is important to you and your partner can't/won't provide it, then you either suck it up or you end the relationship, it's your responsibility to make the choice.

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-05-18T00:58:20+00:00

I would assume he wasn't attracted to me and it would definitely not be a good thing imo

2023-05-18T02:00:05+00:00

If it isn’t the only way I get off, it’s not an issue. No one is gonna do everything you like, some slack must be cut.

sidforever · 2023-05-18T03:20:15+00:00

No, he’s allowed to say no. Reason doesn’t matter.

BunnyFlopped · 2023-05-18T05:36:50+00:00

I would be interested in why that were the case with him. If there happened to be a valid or good reason for it I wouldn’t be upset (trauma relating to it or something similar).

If it were simply because he didn’t want to put in the energy for it that would be different and would cause a rift. It would not make sense to me why he would consider his pleasure more important than mine.

satisfiedmind- · 2023-05-18T08:57:07+00:00

I’m going to assume they had a traumatic experience with their ex or has some negative association. I wouldn’t want them to do something they’re not comfortable with. However, for me oral is a dealbreaker. If someone doesn’t do it I would consider us not sexually compatible and break up with them.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2023-05-18T10:19:26+00:00

It would be a problem way before I found out he used ro do it with other women. I just can't imagine a relationship without oral.

If he didn't enthusiastically do it by the 5th time we had sex, I'd ask him about it. I'd expect full honesty, like is it something about my routine that needs to change, I'd be pretty willing to do things to make if better. If he just said he doesn't want to do oral I'd honestly think that he was selfish and I couldn't help but to start to lose attraction to him.

Life is too short to start committed relationships with people you're not sexually compatible with.

Sorcha16 · 2023-05-18T10:48:37+00:00

I don't focus on what my partner did with his exes, in fact, I don't give them a moment's thought, never met them, and don't know them. I wouldn't get into a serious relationship with someone who doesn't go down, I need some form of foreplay and finger play rarely does it on its own, it would be a deal breaker for me. Good luck and all to them but it just wouldn't be a good fit.

relish5k · 2023-05-18T16:54:37+00:00

My issue wouldn’t be that his former partners got it - my issue would be me not getting it.

If a man won’t do oral with me then it ain’t going to work out between us because we would be sexually incompatible. I’d be confident that I could find a man with all those other qualities who is also into oral.

I_DRINK_ANARCHY · 2023-05-19T05:26:52+00:00

If he refuses to go down on me and there's nothing within my power to change that would make him willing, then that's probably the end of the relationship. I wouldn't have to get to the "he's done it for other women in the past" part, because we'd already be broken up. Would I want to know why it's different for me? Probably. But the why doesn't change the outcome.

Everyone has their hang ups, their limits, and their choices. If one partner refuses to give oral and their partner needs that in a relationship, then they're not compatible. It happens.

FakeNewsFredo · 2023-05-18T01:15:55+00:00

This might be one of those things to keep to oneself, so that the current partner in question doesn't make comparisons.

Last_Rule_2536 · 2023-05-18T04:31:47+00:00

Of course. A healthy sex life is a major part of a relationship. If it’s something that I enjoy, and it’s something that they did for previous partners but not for me it would give MAJOR red flags, especially if they don’t want to talk through the issue and let me know why it is exactly they no longer want to do it

It’s kinda like, if your wife/girlfriend suddenly said she doesn’t want to have penetrative sex with you (let’s assume blow jobs do nothing for you) despite doing it with other partners in the past, would it cause problems for you?

87AudreyHorne · 2023-05-18T08:24:56+00:00

It would depend on why he refuses that but I don't think I'd want to be with a guy who refuses it in the first place. Of course the fact he did it with other girls would be particularly traumatizing to my ego to hear so no, I wouldn't be with him. I mean if he enjoyed it with them but doesn't feel like it with me, that says something about how he sees me and it's not the way I want to be seen to say the least

But if he has some particularly traumatic experience from doing it with these other girls, it would be a little bit better for my ego at least, not sure about our relationship though

For example I know a guy who had a very nasty experience involving anal with an ex and he thinks the whole thing is just gross now. But I don't want to have anything to do with it either and all is good.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-05-18T09:07:51+00:00

Knowing he doesn't do it because he went off it isn't going to make things any worse than knowing he doesn't do it because he never liked it. Either way, it's just a boundary he has his reasons to have, and I doubt those reasons involve hating me in particular. Assuming he never lied about it, it's fine, it's disappointing but there are lots of other things I enjoy and I wouldn't want to break his boundaries. Knowing that he talked about his sex life with his friends, and not even discreet and trustworthy friends if they're passing on that information to me, would be a problem though.

onekawaiibitch · 2023-05-18T09:53:44+00:00

It would largely depend on why he did it for them and not for me rather or not I would stay because I don't think I'd be able to get it out of my head until I know why.

neetykeeno · 2023-05-18T10:11:16+00:00

I'm capable of taking care of myself sexually better than any man can. His oral sex skills aren't a deal breaker.

I'd want to know why. I need honest reasons. Maybe there's a problem and maybe there isn't. I can't even begin to tell if there is a problem tell unless I know why.

Fichek · 2023-05-18T10:51:28+00:00

You are asking the question in a completely wrong way. It's never about things that would be a dealbreaker anyway (oral for women is probably the top spot for that), because regardless of the fact if the person did it with their previous partners, a dealbreaker is still a dealbreaker and nothing changes that!

It's actually about the things that you like BUT are still willing to make a compromise on. Those things are the point of contention in this case. You are willing to compromise, yes, but why is it that you need to compromise but previous partners didn't need to? That's the issue.

houstongradengineer · 2023-05-18T11:43:22+00:00

Yes, it could easily be an issue if I somehow found out about this really personal detail about my husband's past. Oral sex is a lot more important to women than many other sex acts that get too much attention on this sub, first of all. Furthermore, we all have egos and desires, I don't think anyone disputes that. I think women dispute how men react when they have a problem with a woman's past. "Never complain, never explain." "You're not asking too much, you're asking the wrong mf'er." "STFU." Am I painting the picture here? The whole internet does not need to know about one individual person who wronged you. The whole opposite gender does not need you to overgeneralize based on far too few experiences. Probably most of all, your former lover who was sexually incompatible does not need for you to continue bitching about sexually related things to no satisfactory end. Closure is a fairy tale.

Zombombaby · 2023-05-18T12:06:44+00:00

I don't like oral sex so that would be preferred

thetruthishere_ · 2023-05-18T12:16:27+00:00

I wont date man that wont so its a non issue.

ohdiddly · 2023-05-18T12:22:17+00:00

Yes. I love oral so writing off all oral sex would probably be a dealbreaker.

thelajestic · 2023-05-18T13:15:16+00:00

It wouldn't get to the point of finding out about exes or even knowing he's perfect in all other respects. Sexual compatibility is really important to me so it wouldn't have got past the first couple of dates if I wasn't happy with the sex.

If it was something minor that I was quite happy to live without, then his behaviour with previous exes would have no bearing on that whatsoever. Because that would be stupid. People change, preferences change. That's very much allowed.

Trouvette · 2023-05-18T14:25:15+00:00

It changes nothing because that one thing is not why I am with him to begin with.

MistyMaisel · 2023-05-18T14:34:10+00:00

What he did with his exs doesn't make a lick of difference beyond me wanting to know about what he knows he likes and knows he doesn't like. I don't care otherwise. I would just decide if WE are compatible. If not, who gives a shit if he did anything for another woman, man, or hedgehog. The question is what do I consider vital and will he give it to me. If no, move on.

And since we know we aren't really talking about women here, I just want to point out this particular question is almost never about something a woman did consistently and now refuses to. It's almost always: she did (insert very degrading, dangerous, or painful thing) once with the other guy and won't even try it with me. (Typically, anal, face-fucking, deep-throating). Clearly, she liked him better. It cannot possibly be that she hated it, felt very pressured into it, or simply doesn't want that sort of experience ever again. No, it must be that she hated me.

It's super rarely that it's, "She was constantly getting pounded in the butthole by the last guy and now she won't even let me try it".

eveleaf · 2023-05-18T15:03:23+00:00

Oh look, this question again.

God, no. If he doesn't want to do something, doesn't enjoy something, what possible benefit could I get out of pressuring him to do it anyway? Even the thought is repulsive.

I love this man entirely, and respect his likes and dislikes. I want him to engage sexually with me in ways we both like and enjoy, so sex can be a wonderful, positive experience for both of us.

How is this a difficult concept at all? How could a sexual relationship stay healthy and thrive if one party is pleased, while the other just "endures" it because they have to? Gross.

And maybe doing things in the past that he wasn't crazy about, is part of the reason she's an ex now. That's not a position I'm in a great big hurry to apply for, you know?

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-05-18T19:16:02+00:00

This would not cause problems for me at all and I'm not someone who would 'pout' regardless. I can't enjoy things in bed if we're not both enjoying them anyway and I'm not into pressuring people to do what they don't want to do.

Not giving me oral is not a dealbreaker. There are other sexual compatibility dealbreakers but that's not one of them. And I don't care what someone did in the past with another consenting adult as each person and relationship is different and has different needs, different turn ons, different dealbreakers.

calmyourtitspls · 2023-05-19T05:09:04+00:00

I wouldn't date a guy who wouldn't go down on women in the first place. If I fell in love with him already and found out he doesn't go down on women later, then I would be okay with it as long as he doesn't expect me go down on him and does other outercourse stuff. If he doesn't want to go down on me specifically, but would go down on other women, I would dump him.

BigEdsBun · 2023-05-28T22:42:06+00:00

If he still expects a bj and doesn't prioritise other ways to help me cum, then yes, it would cause problems.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2023-05-18T05:55:17+00:00

How would I know what he did sexually with his ex?

I never ever want to hear about that🤢🤢

False_Cod_4747 · 2023-05-18T03:10:43+00:00

Is this even a thing for guys? I understand it happens occasionally the other way around where chicks won't do the same for a partner as exes and casual sex

begayallday · 2023-05-18T05:55:54+00:00

The biggest problem here isn’t the lack of oral sex, it’s that he’s a man. Once I started dating women, men became a whole lot less attractive to me. But let’s say it was my girlfriend or wife instead, and let’s say this was something I actually cared about. Why is she my girlfriend/wife in the first place? I’m assuming that in this scenario this is something she has never done for me. So why would I want to even date her? If she started doing it and then stopped, I would want to know why.

bsmith440 · 2023-05-18T08:50:20+00:00

Didn't know oral for so many women was mandatory. I guess I got lucky.

asdf333aza · 2023-05-18T15:02:54+00:00

You know since the sexual revolution in the 1980s the rate of oropharyngeal (head, neck and throat) cancer in men has been on the rise???

Turns out the same virus (hpv 16,18, 31 and 33) that caused cervical cancer is now being found in the throats of men.... and it's associated with over 70% of new head, neck and throat cancers diagnosed in men.

What could have changed in the 1980s to now that would lead to men having an increased rate of cancer in their throats? Why is the hpv virus that is typically causes cervical cancer suddenly being found in men's throats and causing oropharyngeal cancers? What could it be.... hmmmm.....I wonder......

MouthSandTeethTongue · 2023-05-18T00:52:15+00:00

Bruh u buggin fr, that's straight insecurity tho, on a stack fam.

echo979 · 2023-05-18T10:45:56+00:00

I didn't do that. My (soon to be ex-) gf stinks down there. It's horrendous

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Flightlessbirbz · 2023-05-18T13:27:48+00:00

I would first make very sure there was nothing wrong with my smell, ask him to be very honest if that was the issue or if it was something else. If it was, I would do whatever I could to fix it. If he told me there wasn’t an issue with my vagina he just didn’t want to do that anymore, I would accept it and be happy with my otherwise perfect partner. Now if oral was SO important to me that I couldn’t be sexually satisfied without it, then I wouldn’t date someone who didn’t do it regardless of if they did with their ex.

I’ve actually been in a similar situation before. He told me didn’t want to give oral because one of his exes had poor hygiene and he’d just developed a distaste for it. Did it think it was perhaps a little strange since it’s not like I had poor hygiene too? Sure. Did I ever ask him to do it or leave him over it? No way. If someone doesn’t want to perform a certain sexual act, even if they have before, there’s always a reason and that needs to be respected. I know this is an attempt to turn around the whole “I’m just sure my future hypothetical gf did crazy butt stuff with Chad before she met me and now I’m mad she doesn’t want to do everything I wanna try (even though she doesn’t exist),” but you won’t find many women who feel that way about it.

gumballmachine122 · 2023-05-18T14:41:45+00:00

Equivalent is more a boyfriend who has given flowers and chocolates and gifts and vacations to another girl but not you.

Fun_Community_6833 · 2023-05-18T14:48:47+00:00

I am having trouble visualizing a scenario where my friends would tell my girlfriend that I used to eat out other girls, or that they would know I am not going down on her. This seems far fetched, and it’s another variation of a question that keeps getting posted on PPD.

2023-05-18T15:37:20+00:00

Personally, I don’t like receiving oral sex, and I don’t like eating out other women, so maybe I’m a bit biased here, but:

A) How would I know that he ate out all of his exes? I don’t find your example to be realistic at all

B) What is the reason he’s not doing it for me, if that’s what I want? Did he just realize he doesn’t like it? Then that’s not an issue for me. Is it because I smell or taste bad down there (my worst fear)? Then I’d hope he tells me so I can fix the problem.

C) I’d never insist anyone do something sexual that they don’t want to do, and I probably wouldn’t enjoy it anyway if they weren’t genuinely enthusiastic about in the first place. It doesn’t matter if they did it with previous partners or not. Now, if it was a boyfriend not wanting to do a sexual that I felt I couldn’t live without (like, for instance, PIV), then I think I would break it off and find someone who is compatible with me.

2023-05-18T16:13:00+00:00

r/oddlyspecific

Relative_Bee8356 · 2023-05-18T17:38:17+00:00

We would never get as far as PIV sex and I would not continue dating him. I would never find out about the exes.

If I were dating a guy who went down on me occasionally but had never done it for anyone else -- we would break up. In that scenario I'd be getting "better" than his previous girlfriends but I don't continue having sex with people who only go down on me "occasionally."

I care about whether I'm satisfied, not whether I'm winning some stupid competition in my head.

Someone asks a variation on this question like once a week and the answer is always "I will leave if I'm not satisfied and stay if I am." I don't get what's so hard to understand about this. Are terps incapable of knowing how they feel about things without their red pill buddies telling them?

DXBrigade · 2023-05-19T17:46:34+00:00

I don't mind.

blacksheepvagabond · 2023-05-19T22:58:39+00:00

So just to be clear: according to you, he’s “perfect in every way”, except just one, and you’re complaining? What you’re saying is that you demand nothing less than 100% perfection from a partner. That’s unrealistic and immature.

Attitudes like yours are why dating and relationships are such a clusterfuck these days. So many people expect perfection from their partners, and any time they see or experience an imperfection they go running to the internet to ask, “is this a red flag?!?!” Or they just break up and move on to someone new and repeat the cycle.

Silly_Cancel_168 · 2023-07-04T04:45:19+00:00

Yes finding out that he likes things that he won’t do to you Is a real sick mind game hard to trust someone who says they don’t like someone but than says they did it with multiple other people

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