Should men who haven't managed to find love until their 30s remain single?

aslfingerspell · 2023-08-11T19:06:30+00:00

For my generation (late 90s to early 2000s), I would say no.

The way economics and society work now, it takes a lot longer to "launch" as an adult, and every "milestone" is going to be "delayed" relative to your parents and grandparents.

When my parents and grandparents grew up, going to college was an achievement. Now, it's just another requirement: the teachers at my high school never asked "if" you'd go to college, but which one. The bachelor's degree is the new high school diploma, thus effectively adding another 4 years before you can dedicate yourself to the workforce. Some people do school and work full-time, but such a lifestyle obviously leaves little time for other things.

The timeline gets pushed back even farther if you change your major, go for a master's, go to grad school, or pursue some other lengthy academic life.

Then you consider the fact that housing is more expensive/inflation, and all that other economic BS that means it's more feasible to stay at home for a few years paying off your loans and building up your savings rather than hobbling yourself with hundreds of thousands of more debt right out of the gate.

Basically what all of this means is that truly independent adult life might not begin until 25/26, and 22/23 is the new 18 as far as life progress goes. Someone who marries right after college graduation is like someone who married right after high school 20-40 years ago. It's okay if it takes you a few years for love to even become a priority, given how after graduation you're shifting over to the workforce.

Given that the adults of today (myself included) are roughly half a decade behind on just education alone, reaching 30 without a super-serious relationship isn't as bad as it used to be.

SrNetworkEngineer · 2023-08-11T19:12:00+00:00

You’re 16 and spending way too much time listening to RP content when you should be getting exercise, socializing, and learning what you can in school.

gopher_glitz · 2023-08-12T01:26:44+00:00

Don't ever marry a promiscuous woman, just don't. Some are going to read this, do it anyway and then regret it.

Old_Entertainment209 · 2023-08-11T18:46:30+00:00

Yup, at this point life is basically over ,no matter the fact that this is a man's prime ,just curl up in a ball and wait for the embrace of the end

KingWhoCared86 · 2023-08-11T19:58:28+00:00

36 and single. I see nothing on the horizon to change that.

Supreme_Salt_Lord · 2023-08-11T19:18:17+00:00

Depends if you are 30+ with zero experience. Id suggest hanging it up. Its gonna be a weird and probably unfulfilling and disappointing ride.

30+ with experience just been working on you. You have ALOT of options especially with more money you generate.

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-08-11T22:11:10+00:00

You are only 16…is that right? Why on Earth are you worried about finding a partner before you’re 30? You’re still a kid. Please don’t worry yourself about these things now. You truly have your whole life ahead of you.

macone235 · 2023-08-12T03:53:37+00:00

It depends. If you've been banging women throughout your 20s, then you're not a BB. You're just a guy that didn't commit.

On the other hand, if you've been a virgin and no woman would look at you, then you need to do a realistic self-assessment, and determine why that was, and if you've solved those problems. Some people are late-bloomers, and that's fine. However, if nothing has really changed for you other than your bank account, then you need to be honest with yourself, and realize that you're being settled for.

In that case, I would have self-respect for myself and not get into LTRs. It would also be a great way to test if you're right as you'll remain single if women see you as a BB, because no one will want a fling with one.

kettlebell_workout · 2023-08-11T18:39:13+00:00

Shit. This thread is scary. I am hitting 40 and still single.

But want to get married and have children.

commonmaynee · 2023-08-11T19:12:11+00:00

Nah cuz you could marry someone sub 27 that isn't settling. There's even people above 27 who aren't settling either but ofc there's more risk but still a lot of people

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2023-08-11T20:08:02+00:00

No, you shouldn't stay single if that's not what you want out of life. What you should do is date younger if you want genuine desire and not to be settled for. You should be looking for non-promiscous younger women who are only into serious and long term relationships. They are extremely rare in the west but they are still out there but my advice to you would be to travel and date women from more traditional cultures. There are places like Central Asia, The Balkans, Western Asia, North Africa and Polynesia where AF/BB doesn't even exist.

megafireguy6 · 2023-08-11T21:15:32+00:00

You’re 16 bro please just focus on being a teenager and worry about this shit later. Hell I’m 22 and sometimes even I feel like I’m too old to be thinking about this stuff. Just make sure you’re getting exercise, open to trying new things, socializing whenever you can, and and keeping yourself busy with hobbies. It’ll give you a head start on all the guys who put that stuff on hold for later when they realize all that is important for dating.

basedmama21 · 2023-08-12T05:45:35+00:00

I think men get better at 30+. I was an age gap dater (men had to be 3+ years my senior or else I wouldn’t even talk to them) and met my husband when he was 31. He’s 37 now and I’m monumentally more attracted to him each year.

It’s women who it works the opposite way for. If she’s single at 30, but wants to be married, there are usually always red flags.

TappedurMom · 2023-08-11T18:29:02+00:00

I believe they should yes based on my experiences

Most good women are locked down early in their 20’s. Women in their 30’s are either single by choice, which rules those out as partners since they’re not looking

Divorced/separated, single mom’s, trauma ridden, or promiscuous, and now she wants a beta to settle down with and provide everything, or career driven. Career driven women usually aren’t prioritising relationships either so it automatically rules them out too really

This doesn’t leave a lot of room to find genuinely good women to date who are in their 30’s. A large portion of them fit into one of the categories I just mentioned.

I’ve dated women in their 30’s, including prude Muslim women. Even these types of women have had traumatic experiences with their ex’s it seems. And I don’t want to deal with that. It’s unfair on other men because we are not that same guy that abused her or whatever, but we are treated differently anyway, and this ultimately just ruins things. There’s just not much selection available

EverVigilant1 · 2023-08-11T18:36:28+00:00

Yes, they should. They should date, yes. They should not get married. In fact, he should avoid marriage altogether. No man should marry at all anymore.

Yes, there is a huge chance you could be settled for particularly if you've been totally unlucky into your 30s.

wtknight · 2023-08-11T18:23:26+00:00

I went to a foreign country and found a traditional woman when I was in my 30s. There are other options for men besides finding someone with a promiscuous past. Even in the west not every older woman was formerly promiscuous.

Guilty-Instruction60 · 2023-08-11T18:45:53+00:00

You are not BB, if you are not bucking lol. So don't buck, that doesn't mean you can't be in a relationship.

Women in their 30s are quite undesirable for many reasons though.

Least_Ride1826 · 2023-08-11T19:28:25+00:00

No, they should become passport bros and move to better dating markets.

Cool_Ranch_2511 · 2023-08-11T23:01:48+00:00

In general it's dumb for a man to get married at any age.

Not in every single case, but I mean in general this is the case.

CountMandrake · 2023-08-12T05:28:21+00:00

Don't get married. Period.

Also... You're 16?

Dude, by the time you hit 30 marriage will be a thing of the past hahahaha.

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-08-12T07:12:39+00:00

M38 and always been single. I've made peace with it and found acceptance. Embraced the MGTOW lifestyle! 😎

Zabadoodude · 2023-08-11T19:02:38+00:00

People act like your life is essencially over at 30. I understand teenagers feeling this way, but it's strange when I see people in their 30's talk like that. Most people still have their health, except now they have more perspective and money. You can do anything you could in your 20's.

I'm in my mid 30's and I'm having a great time of it. If you stay in shape, women absolutely are still attracted to you. With the added experience and confidence that age brings, even more so. I still have my health and energy, but now I have the perspective to know what matters to me, and how to avoid bad situations. Not being broke is great too.

To the point of if you should stay single: I met my gf in my 30's. We have a better relationship than I did with any of my exes. Good women get snapped up quickly, but so do men. If you're a good catch yourself you can find some amazing, genuine people.

MistyMaisel · 2023-08-11T18:24:10+00:00

Yes, absolutely. A smart person who wants to be happy never allows for the chance of anything bad happening to them at all ever. They take zero risks of anything. They don't drive a car, leave their houses, eat beef, or even watch porn on the off chance of an addiction or death grip ruining their lives. They walk around in bubble wrap with a condom and mask on at all times while making sure their room is misted hourly with a anti-inflammatory, anti-biotic vapor. Their only companion to stave off madness and loneliness is a dog that they do not name so that they don't get too attached to because it will someday die and they do not want to feel depressed.

SolidusMonkey · 2023-08-11T18:25:09+00:00

As a man in his 30s? Yes. At this age they're not really going to be attracted to you, there's going to be zero cuteness or femininity or spontaneity at all, there's going to be no new shared experiences, there's no chance of having kids together, etc. So it's just a roommate you share a bed with. Who cares, you know?

dyngladfel · 2023-08-11T18:53:47+00:00

You're 16. Stop worrying this. Get out and live life rather than discussing online. Best wishes.

MasterTeacher123 · 2023-08-11T19:12:51+00:00

I don’t think there’s a cutoff for you to “learn” how to get girls where if you miss that cutoff it’s over forever and you shouldn’t even make an attempt.

SolidusMonkey · 2023-08-11T19:31:07+00:00

[permanently deleted]

kkkan2020 · 2023-08-11T18:34:49+00:00

I don't want to be debbie downer but if you want the traditional nuclear family. You have to get it done before you turn 30...it's not fair or just it's reality. There comes a point where you have to acknowledge that it's not your time anymore.. right now this whole passport bruh thing is the talk of the town but its another hurdle you would need to get over culturally, language, logistically, Economically etc.

M_LaSalle · 2023-08-12T02:20:52+00:00

I'm asking this because of the whole AFBB thing. Isn't there a chance you could be settled for?

Well, yes there is. What of it? There is also a chance that you might not be settled for. Perhaps you find a relationship in your thirties because you have become a better man. Perhaps you find a relationship in your thirties because you got with a woman who slutted her way through her twenties and now wants to marry you, divorce rape you, and trade up. Nothing in this life is certain.

if you are settled for, there is a risk of finding someone with a promiscuous past which would increase your chances of being cheated on and possibly ending up in a dead bedroom.

This is certainly a risk. The burden will be on you to make an accurate judgement about the character and intentions of the women you meet. And also to become a man that a good woman will want to keep.

It's like baccarat, kiddo. The odds are against you, but if you don't play you can't win.

LowLifeExperience · 2023-08-12T03:12:32+00:00

Yes.

Head-Language-2977 · 2023-08-12T04:36:09+00:00

IMO, what’s important is not how many men did she have sex with before you, it’s what types of men did she have sec with before you. If she had sex with 30 different men in her 20’s but they were all similar in looks and personality to you, I’d argue she’s not settling for you. If she dated even only a handful of men, but they were total opposites, I’d be worried as a man.

hear4comments · 2023-08-12T14:02:16+00:00

Find Love? Chill out on the Disney and Romantic Comedies.

MrBrittle · 2023-08-13T01:39:07+00:00

the best option is to get a younger woman who doesn't have alpha fucks yet. To these women, men their age are immature and they don't play the chad game. I did that, I was the target of Beta Bucks from the age of 26, so I imposed a limit of 22 years to be able to date me, I ended up with a 20. Today I'm 31 and I'm still the target of Beta Bucks.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2023-08-11T20:22:40+00:00

Yes absolutely. You're 30. It's over. Time to die alone. No one could ever genuinely love a 30+ man. Every single woman who would be willing to date such a mutant is clearly only doing it for money or babies because a single man of 30 something has nothing to offer anyone besides those two things. Give us children pls.

Okay sarcasm over. Jesus if he doesn't want to be single then: yes obviously. If a guy doesn't want to date: then don't.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-08-11T20:42:40+00:00

There’s a chance anyone could be settled for at any age. Gotta go by how the person treats you.

You’re 16, you should be focusing on your education and building social skills, not worrying about the dating issues of 30+ people.

BigVulvaEnergy · 2023-08-11T19:02:25+00:00

No.

Isn't there a chance you could be settled for?

Not really. People are staying single longer on purpose. 30s is a great time for love.

Safinated · 2023-08-11T19:14:41+00:00

That’s up to them. They have to live with the decision

KayRay1994 · 2023-08-11T21:13:10+00:00

……… no, there are various reasons why people might not “find love” until they’re in their 30s, in fact, the notion of settling down in your 30s is becoming far more common.

Also, there are tons of jumping to conclusions here - the AFBB thing, while true to some extent, is heavily exaggerated and will only ever be a thing if you let it happen. In other words, grow a backbone. Also I think y’all are a little too afraid of finding someone with promiscuous past and if that will relate to cheating. There is a correlation, sure, but there is also a relationship between promiscuity and mental illness, as well as mental illness and cheating. There is, however, a lot to suggest that if said mental health issues are treated, many of these concerns won’t exist as well - so frankly, worry more about finding someone who’s conquered their mental health issues or has shown significant progress, and the concern of cheating drops dramatically regardless of their past.

TimeConstraints · 2023-08-11T22:04:08+00:00

No. Not at all. There is no reason for men who haven't managed to find love until their 30s to remain single.

If a man is living right and digging into his career while young, he hits his prime in his thirties and starts to develop the capacity to carry a bigger world than himself. If he's working out, he evolves into the confident and gnarly grizzled bear that women find attractive.

That does not mean that he should settle for the AFBB left-overs. He can become picky, unlike in his twenties, and should feel free to poach from the twenty-somethings cohort if that trips his red-pill trigger.

However, he should be aware that while women in their thirties may not be as fresh and unburdened as women in their twenties, their maturity, calm and experience can actually make them better companions.

For both men and women, personalities are locked in by the time they are in their thirties so if you vet a 30+ woman carefully then she is a known known. (And if she is still a loose screw in her thirties, she will never grow up.)

RP teaches that a 30-something man can shape a young virginal woman. However, women often mature and shift personality substantially in their teens and early twenties. In reality, men who marry young women often find that their views on love and sex change significantly within a decade.

silversurfer199032 · 2023-08-12T05:27:56+00:00

I had to look up afbb. Alpha wolves were never real. People are allowed to date in their 30s.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-08-12T00:02:08+00:00

why does there have to be some a priori rule about this

one_little_victory_ · 2023-08-11T19:47:24+00:00

Men who hate women should stay single or date men.

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the_calibre_cat · 2023-08-11T19:39:12+00:00

oh i found love. then i fucked it up. :(

Dstar538888 · 2023-08-11T19:58:30+00:00

I mean… if they want to

2023-08-12T01:22:39+00:00

why give up?

This-Adhesiveness-52 · 2023-08-12T01:24:05+00:00

Depend on what you want. No women will stay young and fresh looking forever. If it really love you looking for then looks and age don’t matter. If you just want fresh young hot women to be in relationship with you so you can get some action It would be cheaper to go see sexworker and not marry or keep dating.

diaryofalostgirl · 2023-08-12T03:56:36+00:00

See, exactly this kind of thinking is why I've become a terrible person who thinks sex is something done to a woman by a man and that decreases her value. Because you men are up in arms about us having sex with anyone but specifically you.

silversurfer199032 · 2023-08-12T05:22:19+00:00

No (single guy in his 30s here).

cluelessthirdworlder · 2023-08-13T06:51:17+00:00

Do arranged marriage bro. Real easy and you get good partners.

OptimistInHell · 2023-08-17T19:30:36+00:00

I sincerely wonder what world some of you live in some times. I thought the dummies in 2XC were delusional...

Title	Should men who haven't managed to find love until their 30s remain single?
Author	-snickerss-
Upvotes	18
Comments	248
Date	August 11, 2023 4:56 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15oe6r2/should_men_who_havent_managed_to_find_love_until/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/should-men-who-havent-managed-to-find-love-until.1228264 https://theredarchive.com/post/1228264

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