My fiance called me unromantic for wanting a prenup - why is protecting myself controversial?

Imissyourgirlfriend2 · 2026-02-19T18:10:00+00:00

Marriage is a contract. Treat it like one.

Fickle_Track3429 · 2026-02-19T18:03:52+00:00

You're not wrong at all because a prenup protects both people not just the higher earner. You've worked hard to build your savings and investments, and wanting to protect that doesn't make you unromantic or cold. Her calling you unromantic for being practical is unfair. Marriage is about love but it's also a legal contract that affects your finances. The double standard thing is real - if the roles were reversed everyone would be telling her to protect herself. Your mentor's story is a perfect example of why prenups matter. You can love someone and still be realistic about the fact that not all marriages work out

Punder_man · 2026-02-19T17:59:29+00:00

it's about protecting what I worked hard to build before we even met. But she keeps saying things like "marriage is about sharing everything" and "you clearly don't trust me."

This right here is a MASSIVE red flag..
She is emotionally manipulating you to do what she wants.. She wants the security of knowing that if she marries you, YOU need to bend over backwards to please her every demand otherwise she will divorce you and take a large chunk of what you have saved / earned.

The fact that she's doubling down on the "Marriage is about sharing everything" says it all.
You are entering the partnership with a higher income, more savings and no debt..
She is wanting to "Share" her lesser income and have her debt become "Our" debt.

You can be 100% sure that if you ended up helping to pay off her student loan and she divorces you the judge isn't going to give that back to you.

Ultimately you need to sit her down and explain your side of things.. Tell her how you watched your mentor at work go through a divorce and lose everything through it and because of that you don't want to be put in the same situation.

The idea behind a prenup is that BOTH parties are protected in the case of a divorce. Ideally a Prenup should essentially be sorting out the assets before a divorce happens so that both parties understand how the assets would be split.

You are also 1000000% correct that if the situation were reversed and she was the higher earner / had savings etc and you as the man had a smaller income and debt.. absolutely EVERYONE would be telling her to get a prenup and if you felt "Hurt" or "Upset" by her saying she wanted one.. it would be used against you as you simply wanting to marry her for her money.

The other thing to consider here is, even IF you can get a prenup signed depending on the judge it could essentially be worthless anyway.. judges in divorce courts have been known to throw out prenup agreements on a whim.

Status-Anteater8372 · 2026-02-19T19:04:22+00:00

That's a red flag. She is using an ad hominem to prevent you take good measures.

soontobesolo · 2026-02-19T17:51:50+00:00

Everyone gets a prenup. It's whether you use the one that's included in a standard legal marriage, or get your own that better suits you.

Seems like she's preparing for the marriage to end. If it doesn't, why would she care?

Ace2Face · 2026-02-19T19:46:51+00:00

My man, I am exactly in your position, except I earn more and have saved 500K USD.

You are using your brain 100%. If she truly believed that your relationship would last forever, she also wouldn't have a problem with it. Prenup doesn't matter as long as you stay together.

I have the same discussion soon, except my country has common law so I have the same issues where my lower-earning partner even without marriage can take my shit.

This has to be a red line with you, if you don't do the prenup, you are going to lose your hard work. Many marriages fail. Look at the incentives: the longer such an imbalance in earning potential continues, the higher her incentive is to leave, and the lower is your incentive to leave. It's a trap, and you don't put yourself in such positions of weakness. She'll also know that you'd be stupid to leave.

Also, don't involve her parents into anything. They will always take her side, just like how your parents will always take your side. The lower earning partner has an inherent interest in refusing the prenup, think about all the money she can earn, if the status quo remains, she's earning 47.5K USD every year, just from salary! You're basically giving her a 50% raise.

Also, any dividends/capital accumulation is also considered household income, so it's more than that. If you're the saving type, then you're also saving for her too.

I think the fact that you got to talking about it shows that you got balls and brains. Don't fold, if you stand your ground, she will agree. See if you can compromise on something, though, so the prenup holds on court: split the difference between you two by 95%-5% or 90%-10%, or negotiate some other kind of fixed payout. It'll increase the odds of her agreeing, and the courts will see that you weren't trying to leave her out to dry. Better to aim to retain 90% and keep 90%, then to aim for 100% and lose 50%. Talk to a family lawyer for tips (as I did).

IceCorrect · 2026-02-19T17:54:58+00:00

Marriage is not romantic its buisnes and she want to swindle you.

If she wont leave you, then prenup doesnt matter.

I wonder how many romantic gestures she made

knight3m9 · 2026-02-19T17:59:26+00:00

She planning an exit “ just in case” things don’t go her way. Your prenup would short circuit her plan to use the system to strip your resources and move on to her next mark. Pay attention to this big red flag or join the ranks of men mandated to provide. Providing in a manner that closely matches slavery except that your new master has no responsibility to feed, clothe or shelter you.

persistent_issues · 2026-02-19T17:58:11+00:00

Romance is how they get you to lower your guard.

brainhack3r · 2026-02-19T18:56:10+00:00

She's gaslighting you. If I'm being honest, I would just end the relationship if I were you, but obviously I don't know the whole situation.

A girl not willing to sign a prenup with me is an immediate red flag that I'll end the relationship over.

swtxcouple · 2026-02-19T19:10:05+00:00

Hold the line bro. If she doesn’t want you with a prenup, it just means, you aren’t what she is after!

jessi387 · 2026-02-19T17:53:39+00:00

Sounds like she’s trying to wind you up to be exploited

SouthernFruit8768 · 2026-02-19T23:00:12+00:00

It’s 2026 buddy. If you don’t go full MGTOW, you will eventually end up fucking yourself in your own ass, and lose all the hard-earned money you saved so far. Don’t do this. End the relationship yesterday and remain single.

uwotm8_8 · 2026-02-19T17:48:58+00:00

She wants to have the option to exit if things don’t go how she wants, good luck with that dude you’re gonna need it

SidewaysGiraffe · 2026-02-19T19:17:50+00:00

-Want to get married, bringing the government into your relationship to secure it. -Want to avoid having to sign a pre-nup, since that means your partner is trying secure what he already has.

Pick one.

I'm not saying "dump her ass", since that's an insane overreaction, but saying "a pre-nup is planning for the marriage to fail" is like saying "a seat belt is planning for the car to crash".

A flag THAT red calls for some serious discussion; she may not realize how unreasonable she's being, but that doesn't change that she is.

KangarooCrapper · 2026-02-19T22:35:19+00:00

Men are in love, women are in business...

PrimeWolf88 · 2026-02-19T19:48:54+00:00

They're only controversial to feminists - because they stand to lose out. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose if you don't have a prenup.

rp1790 · 2026-02-19T18:59:48+00:00

She wants your money, HUGE red flag, get the prenup one way or the other. You need to protect whats your's.

isekaitruck777 · 2026-02-19T18:08:44+00:00

Lol why are dudes still getting married? I could understand if the couple are truly religious but most of these females think religion is misogynistic. She wants a wedding and could care less about being your wife.

Pretend-Storm4566 · 2026-02-19T18:00:24+00:00

Did you consider a trust instead of a pre-nup? Prenups get thrown out by judges all of the time. Talk to a trust lawyer. Actually, if your wife was smart, she'd encourage you to sign a prenup, one she could be sure to break in court, then clean you out. At least your wife is not that smart.

Darth-Hakujou · 2026-02-19T18:13:12+00:00

It's like you said: Shoe on the other foot, she would want a pre-nup if she outgrossed you.

All I can say is see Opray Winfrey: A female self-made BILLIONAIRE. Refuses to marry her life-long boyfriend "Steadman" A lawyer worth about $40 million.

I say stick to your guns.

GeneratedUserHandle · 2026-02-19T18:03:57+00:00

She is manipulating you. No prenup, no marriage

peachdog3k · 2026-02-19T19:23:39+00:00

Sir, please watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJOM76Fr4jg

https://youtube.com/shorts/cC9pD4jPTsY?si=2R5PlBDgG1yAxeRT

https://youtube.com/shorts/egxDKl9ThLc?si=GsijgT26OTHJ2lyg

dwyvern8 · 2026-02-20T06:24:12+00:00

Red flags, she see's you for you money more than anything

ExternalSink193 · 2026-02-20T06:40:35+00:00

if she’s so certain you will last and it won’t be an issue in the future (splitting up) then why does she feel so strongly about ensuring your money isn’t secured with you. If she’s not planning on going anywhere, it shouldn’t be an issue. Simple

Jealous-Friendship34 · 2026-02-19T18:28:29+00:00

If she loves you and will never divorce you, then she would sign the prenup.

rdeincognito · 2026-02-19T18:02:53+00:00

If she believed your marriage won't end prematurely, she wouldn't mind the prenup.

The reality is that she wants to win money in case you guys break up (which will happen when it suits her more).

ArchdevilTeemo · 2026-02-19T18:24:33+00:00

If she is against legal protection, then she is also against marriage because marriage is legal protection.

The only difference is that the state decides the conditions, not the people who marry.

So if you want to be romantic, limit the marriage to church alone. No state contrant in your relationship.

IllEntertainment1931 · 2026-02-19T18:54:45+00:00

Have her watch any one of the James Sexton interviews of the past few years, and explain to her that you have a prenup either way...its just with the state or its with the two of you.

justanother-eboy · 2026-02-19T19:00:19+00:00

If she can’t understand your risks and how unfair you would be treated in courts then she’s not the right girl for you

llmethuselah · 2026-02-19T21:18:42+00:00

It's cold and unromantic of her to accuse you of being cold and unromantic to get what she wants financially.

It would be romantic of her to prove that she loves you for your own sake and nothing else.

Purple_Squirrel_6883 · 2026-02-20T02:54:13+00:00

It's only controversial to people who don't get it. You have the right idea.

With a prenup:

- You keep everything you own pre-marriage

- Work out child custody preemptively

- Protect your assets in the event that love turns into hate

Without a prenup:

- She gets rewarded for f*cking you over with a divorce even if she was in the wrong

- You lose half your sh*t or more

- If your $165k annual becomes $500k annual down the line, she can claim a percentage of it for alimony

Don't yield no matter who tries to guilt-trip you, they won't gaf if you get screwed later on. If getting a prenup is hard now, you're in for a world of pain later.

BelCantoTenor · 2026-02-21T04:03:07+00:00

I would NEVER and I mean NEVER get married without a prenup. Never. Marriage is a legal contract. Treat it like one. Protect your money, property, and future. Do you know how men get fleeced regularly in divorce? They loose their homes, retirement, and are stuck paying alimony for the rest of their lives. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Most of my friends have been divorced. Protect your money, retirement, and future. Yeah, you can loose your retirement savings in a divorce. So tell her to sign a prenup or she can walk. Her tantrum isn’t worth loosing all of that. There’s a line of potential wives right behind her. Remember that. You just can’t see it now, but you will after the divorce. But, then it’s too late. Sign the prenup and don’t fall for her crap.

My best friend; divorced. My brother; divorced. My dad; divorced. My mom; divorced 3 times. I could tell you horror stories that are common experiences for divorced men. My mom made out like a bandit. My dad, and two step dads were ruined.

summer_go_away · 2026-02-19T17:55:36+00:00

Well yes, you will be sharing everything. But if you divorce you don't, so goal is simple for her. Do good for yourself!

chobolicious88 · 2026-02-19T18:04:43+00:00

Lol shes manipulating you.
Wheres that equality gone now

Wolverine-Explores · 2026-02-19T18:19:48+00:00

Why are you marrying this person? Sounds like she’s trying to emotional blackmail you.

BauserDominates · 2026-02-19T18:25:35+00:00

Sounds like she's actively manipulating you now for the future when she tries to take all that you have.

chortle-guffaw · 2026-02-19T18:28:02+00:00

A prenup that protects assets acquired before marriage is reasonable. Unfortunately, the way things are, she can decide to leave at any time for no reason and take half your stuff. She can cheat on you, file for divorce, and take half your stuff. Until the legal system changes, a prenup is your only protection. Don't compromise. If you convince her, do it the right way so that, if it comes to it, it will hold up in court.

Plenty of men have been screwed by women who talked them out of a prenup, or they thought it would never happen to them. Then they find out the hard way that people change over time, some for the worse.

droden · 2026-02-19T18:19:36+00:00

you are at a legal disadvantage. it is no different than having 3 or 4 fire extinguishers in your home. it doesnt mean you will light the grill indoors because of them for fucks sake.

Heisenburg7 · 2026-02-19T20:57:49+00:00

Either she signs it or you don't get married. Simple as that. Why wouldn't she sign it if she didn't care about potentially gaining something in the event of a divorce?

nezar19 · 2026-02-19T22:10:27+00:00

When I asked my wife about one before getting married, even if I am all in and do not want for us to ever get a divorce, she said “I want to be with you for you, not your money, so I will sign it”.

AlphaBearMode · 2026-02-20T03:28:37+00:00

If she’s mad about a prenup she can hit the fucking door.

There’s no good reason NOT to do this.

rockland_beaumont · 2026-02-20T05:25:18+00:00

A woman gathers leverage against you from the government, through government marriage. Do not enter into a lifelong legal contract with someone who will be incentivized to break it the moment things get dicey. The moment her feelings change, or she doubts how she feels, that's the moment you will pay up because that is the monster that we as a society have created. Government marriage is a scam for men. Don't even do it.

Any-Basis-3725 · 2026-02-20T06:10:32+00:00

My spidy sense is tingling at the "marriage is about sharing" statement. Do with this information as you will.

Creepy-Substance7279 · 2026-02-20T06:20:46+00:00

That's why you should have the prenup talk at the beginning of the relationship and not right before marriage.

False-Performer-7261 · 2026-02-20T10:16:08+00:00

There’s nothing that you need to get her to understand..

Believe me .. she understands that completely already. But she would never say that .. because she benefits a lot from not getting a prenup …

never sign a contract whenever the other party benefits from breaking it

Especially without a prenup (insurance) in case things go wrong

Stand up and tell her you are not getting married without a prenup and be prepared to walk away..

She is going to use tears to try to emotionally manipulate you . She’s going to get “ upset “

whiteguycash · 2026-02-24T02:09:39+00:00

I have been married for 3 years. get a pre-nup with a fidelity clause. You don't know who your spouse will become after you marry. Either protect yourself, or don't get married.

Campotter · 2026-02-19T19:08:46+00:00

Probably something to consider and it's definitely different depending on where your based. But at least locally for me a pre nup would only mean you'd walk away with what you have now. Anything accumulated during marriage is still a marital asset and subject to dividing during divorce.

Speak to an actual lawyer about this and make sure you have 100% transparency about what it would mean if you split 15 years down the line.

Your so early in life that its highly likely the bulk of what you accumulate will be while married.

Just my 2c

cyberpsych · 2026-02-19T20:22:58+00:00

Dude, are you sure about this girl?

someguy92614 · 2026-02-19T21:00:31+00:00

The state looks at marriage is a business contract pure and simple. Men get screwed when they dissolve that contract for ANY reason. A prenup will protect you. If she does not want to sign one, then tell her let's not go to the courthouse and get a marriage license, as that is so unromantic too. We should just live together. Do not lose half your shit because she becomes unhappy down the line and cheats on you. Remember women look at divorce as a back up plan.

l8nightbusdrivr · 2026-02-19T22:02:27+00:00

Pre-nups are absolutely necessary. They are about making sure that no one, man or woman, sees a greater advantage to breaking the marital contract than being a good wife or husband.

Without one, the incentive is 100% to divorce you when she gets the tingles from “Chad in accounting.”

I didn’t have one during my first marriage and lost my ass.

Second time around I listened to Kanye…best ever advice in a rap song….

“Shoulda got that insured, Geico for your money…If you ain’t no punk holla we want pre nup, we want pre nup, yeah.”

Was it an uncomfortable conversation? Yep. Did she know that if she didn’t settle, I was taking my high net worth and my healthy body and walking away….damn right. That’s what you call leverage. Once you marry without one, your leverage is gone and you are a slave.

Turn that rhetoric around. If she won’t sign, she doesn’t love you, or respect your need to protect yourself in case something changes.

If she won’t sign, for the love of God, don’t marry this girl. She’s for the streets.

Malow · 2026-02-19T23:38:27+00:00

Simple math:

How many men regret not having a prenup?

How many men regret having a prenup?

Today, everything good. 10 years from now, Paolo, from France, says she's beautiful, and then she thinks she deserve someone better. "Sorry, i love you, but i'm not in love with you".

prenup or no wedding, no other option.

Athan11 · 2026-02-19T23:59:53+00:00

She's looking for a meal ticket. You're right to protect yourself

virphirod · 2026-02-20T00:34:14+00:00

nah, run bro, run. Orrrr transfer whatever you have to others that you trust, either your mom/dad, siblings, or bros.
"I love her and I want to marry her"
Unfortunately, she don't love you. She only love what you have and what you can provide to her.
Find someone else.

orrr tell her if she really love you for you, instead of whatever you have, then she wouldn't have any problem with signing the prenup. What is she's scared of anyway?

unemployed_loserr · 2026-02-20T01:18:31+00:00

Her reaction is why men don’t want to marry.

HiramCoburn · 2026-02-20T02:00:43+00:00

Look, unless she’s bringing her own significant assets to the table and isn't pushing back, you’re basically signing a blank check. A prenup isn't just an option; it’s a non-negotiable safeguard for the fruits of your labor. Don't gamble your entire future on the hope that things won't turn high-conflict later.

Brave_Bluebird5042 · 2026-02-20T03:09:59+00:00

You're being smart. She's failed an important test.

Academic_Mechanic717 · 2026-02-20T03:16:36+00:00

Your finacee is a hypocrite.

Dump her

Flaky_MidnightGames · 2026-02-20T03:44:31+00:00

By her logic, she's the one who doesn't love you.. Otherwise she would have at least considered it. Talked about it..

Instead she ran to her parents, causing them to now view you in a negative light until you bend to their daughters will.. and this will hang over you even in your marriage.

You "insulted" their daughter after all just merely by bringing it up. What's the next issue going to be where she brings in her parents?

She showed you what type of marriage it will be, and it doesn't seem like it's one where you can talk about it without having to bring in people around you into it.

Why are friends involved? Did you tell them or did she also go run to them? I can understand asking outside for advice, but dragging them into the whole argument? Yikes.

What will happen when you're talking about houses? Kids, parenting? Have you had these discussions? Are you both on the same page on everything else?

The real question is:

Is there a compromise here?

Like pay off her debt, she signs the prenup and you both get something out of it. How are things financially divided? Are each of you just paying half? Or is it based on her lower income? Or does she spend majority of her paycheck to keep up with you unable to save much with her debt+interest next to it?

If you two are living so she has to spend most of her paycheck so you each pay half, is that in your opinion you being completely fair? Because that still means you probably have about half left of yours while she struggles to keep up. Struggles to even have enough money left for her hobbies, or fun stuff and her having to seriously consider and pick and choose each dollar she spends.. where you can just go spend what ever you want when ever you want without worry..

I obviously don't know what applies to your situation, so I'm just asking and wondering out loud. Lol

Hope you figure it out!

nathonkim · 2026-02-20T04:27:59+00:00

You keep strong and insist on it. No prenup no marriage.

warm_melody · 2026-02-20T07:19:07+00:00

planning for our marriage to fail before it even starts.

She's planning for the marriage to fail if she thinks the prenup would ever come into effect. You will be married forever, and you'll be sharing everything the entire time.

leo_ukk · 2026-02-20T09:15:47+00:00

Thats how they get their claws on you then bam.. one day they prefer the gardener to you (how very romantic)

CoronaClay · 2026-02-20T15:30:58+00:00

Legal contracts are just part of being an adult and that's what a prenuptial agreement is. every adult you interact with financially is signing a contract with you. Your fiance just may not be mature enough to understand. I don't know anything about the marriage process but I assume at some point you consult a lawyer because it's changing a whole bunch of legal stuff, All of your finances are going to change when you join Union. You have a unified credit rating I believe

Next_Instruction_528 · 2026-02-20T17:29:49+00:00

Also if you think she's bad with money now, wait until all your money is also her money.

phrunk7 · 2026-02-20T20:53:02+00:00

Any woman who gives a man crap about a prenup is a woman who was expecting to screw him over in the future.

There are literally zero exceptions to this fact.

DarePlastic4136 · 2026-02-24T00:45:40+00:00

She's already planning her future after she takes you to the cleaners.

PresentationBest850 · 2026-02-19T17:57:33+00:00

Wanting a prenup when there’s a big income and asset gap isn’t wild. It’s basically insurance nobody plans to use it but it’s there if things go sideways. I think where it gets messy is that it feels emotional to the other person, even if you see it as practical. Probably less about gender and more about hurt feelings and pride

ruck_my_life · 2026-02-19T18:44:47+00:00

There's a way to position this to make sure she has coverage too.

Like if you make 125 and she makes 75, and the plan is a joint account for expenses, make sure that if things go sideways she knows she will get the equivalent of 25k in contributions.

When we separated, my wife actually got brutalized. We were in a community property state, so we each got half of the assets accrued during our marriage...which meant she got like 60k from my retirement, but it also meant she got ~40k in consumer and student debt that I had taken on for grad school. She wasn't working at the time, so even though I had to kick in like 8-10k/mo, I was doing quite well in the tech space. As a newly single dude with very few needs, it was not hard for me to hand over this money since I didn't have those loans anymore, and I had access to financial tools to help make up the 60k fairly quickly. This is to say nothing of the thousands of dollars we paid lawyers to handle it all... A two hour consultation probably would have saved us like 10k.

Everyone listens to Kanye and thinks they're gonna get their eyes ripped out. But if you can frame it as "making sure I always take care of you, no matter what, for as long as I live," it fits neatly with those vows y'all plan to take.

You will have to be prepared to be a man about it though. Societal norms will force you to make concessions you may not be super okay making. But if you can set pride aside and come from a place of love and not ego, you will A) get the docs signed but more importantly B) go far as a couple.

Salamadierha · 2026-02-19T20:00:54+00:00

Protecting what you've worked to achieve is not selfish.
Would she want you to not protect the marital assets once you get married?
A pre-nup will never be used if a marriage doesn't break down.

EMitch02 · 2026-02-19T20:17:59+00:00

Pre-nup or move on. Non-negotiable!!!!

h1ghpriority06 · 2026-02-19T20:46:36+00:00

Bro just break up and get your ring back and pawn it. Find a woman who wants to be on your program.

roharareddit · 2026-02-19T21:30:03+00:00

Move on. Let the next girl know how you feel from the very start

Mi-Infidel · 2026-02-19T23:33:59+00:00

Get out now

Hefty-Rip-5397 · 2026-02-20T00:13:21+00:00

Dont marry

Left-Consequence-437 · 2026-02-20T02:12:11+00:00

Prenup. By the time you can retire you will be worth 5+ mil. She could take half in divorce and then you would have your keep working

Sudden-Wafer-2930 · 2026-02-20T02:16:48+00:00

Dump her shes a gold digger..... no for real ...dump her.... today...

R2Inregretting · 2026-02-20T02:42:56+00:00

She has a plan... Simple

VeritaSico · 2026-02-20T02:58:30+00:00

LOL. She wouldnt react like this if she didnt also planned it to fail.

Truth is she is scared of meeting someone, without the possibility to get rid of you and keep everything.

DO NOT MARRY HER. Prenup doesnt even protect you AT 100%.

King-Of-The-Hill · 2026-02-20T03:08:30+00:00

Fuck the prenup. Consult an attorney and put shit in a trust.

Parapraxium · 2026-02-20T03:21:24+00:00

Keep note of which friends patted you on the back and which didn't. Treat the latter with extreme caution. Getting married without a prenup as a man is asking to get fucked.

Just_an_user_160 · 2026-02-20T03:56:10+00:00

You shouldn't give all your love neither all your money to women.

HASJ · 2026-02-20T04:12:13+00:00

If she really loved you, legal protection wouldn't be an issue, right?

ihih_reddit · 2026-02-20T05:52:51+00:00

My heart breaks for you OP. I really hope you don't get manipulated into doing anything you don't want to do

BeanChopChef · 2026-02-20T10:31:45+00:00

If she loved you she would just sign it. You’re not saying you won’t share your money with her. If she keeps fighting it mate there is something wrong with her having the problem with it.

Idol_Four · 2026-02-20T10:36:26+00:00

Prenup or you walk. Don't fall for that bs. If a paper makes it less romantic, how does another paper make it more romantic? It's bs.

Qantourisc · 2026-02-20T13:14:47+00:00

Yea prenups are unromantic, so are contracts, unless you are a notary maybe.

Also UNO reverso card : if it's not going to fail, there is no reason to worry about the prenup.

traceNoLeft · 2026-02-20T13:30:49+00:00

Huge Red flag; Run, Now, don't stop, and never look back !

Option 2: Follow the live example of your mentor, and probably end up in the worst, homeless, suicide, or even murdered.

RSA1RSA · 2026-02-20T13:34:47+00:00

You NEED a prenup

Trustinrust95 · 2026-02-20T13:43:17+00:00

Turn it around, and say that if she's 100% sure it'll never fail, then the document is meaningless and she shouldn't care about signing it.

viberson · 2026-02-20T14:06:54+00:00

Its ok to want a prenuptial, but it has to be thought out conversation that covers all bases rather than "this is what I want". Im not saying thats you, im just saying theres a delicate way to talk about this all which sounds like you genuinely want one in a way that goes beyond finances. (and for some people, greed and thoughtlessness)

In your proposition, did you discuss what would happen if shes pregnant? gives birth? becomes a SAHM? Being a full time parent instead of out of house work means less pension so will you make her contributions?

Women contribute so much more than money if they have children.

Even if you dont have children, will there be a cheating clause for a payout for each year you were together? what would happen if she eventually earns more? What will happen to property equity? If you split the house ownership based on salary and contributions, does that mean youll front a proportionate amount of maintenance and repairs costs? what happens if you become horribly ill or disabled and cant work? cancer is common.

all scenarios have to be covered to make sure its fair. the contract goes both ways.

The-Cyberpunk · 2026-02-20T15:15:17+00:00

Don't back down, get a prenup and a postnup and call EVERYTHING off if she refuses. Not only are you protecting yourself but you're setting the record straight: women control access to sex and men control access to the relationship. So flex that God given power and stand on business.

The way I see it, a prenup and the rest are safeguards for men. They say to a woman you're free to leave but unless you have your own assets you're not getting any of mine.

Fit_Test_01 · 2026-02-21T00:13:56+00:00

Call it off.

MehMehMammal · 2026-02-23T18:02:25+00:00

It’s funny that a simple no stealing policy is her dealbreaker.

csmedo1994 · 2026-02-19T18:28:55+00:00

Stick to your guns. If she was really romantic it won’t be about her future ability to take money you earned, sounds like much of it before she came along anyway. That’s totally gaslighting you. Why is that a one way street. If she was both romantic and committed she should not be concerned whatsoever. Yet she is. This should give you pause. Essentially you are her insurance plan, but you aren’t allowed one for you. Utter female double standard bullshit. Also, who cars what your friends think? It’s not their money. They gonna take you in when she gets the house and you want a place to stay? That’s the scenario for almost 50% of marriage/divorce stories. So, not to plan for it is foolish.

2026-02-21T04:58:41+00:00

That if I really loved her I wouldn't need legal protection.

If she really loves you, then she wouldn't need it neither.

Funny how that goes. She might be upset, but if she doesn't understand, don't marry her.

Melodic-Jaguar1660 · 2026-02-19T17:54:48+00:00

I think you're being quite reasonable to be honest. You're well within your right to want to protect the things you've worked hard for. Also, her saying things like "if you loved me...." just sounds incredibly manipulative.

MisterHonkeySkateets · 2026-02-19T20:18:51+00:00

It’s more romantic to get a prenump because then it’s not about the money.

lance2k2 · 2026-02-19T20:34:50+00:00

Okay you're definitely correct with your assessment, however the launch of the info is the real problem here. When I was dating I was very polite yet up front that I would be signing a pre nup if I ever got married. By having that information right up front I've seen myself quite a bit of headaches and Dodge more bullets than Neo. Now I'm happily in a relationship with a woman where there is a discrepancy of income on her side yet there is no animosity at all.

tangotom · 2026-02-19T20:40:45+00:00

You have a few paths forward. You could talk it out with her. Tell her what you told us, about how you knew that guy at work who got obliterated by a divorce. Tell her about how the court system is rigged against men.

You could reframe it in an emotional light, one that she might be more likely to understand. She says it's unromantic, she says it's about trust. Turn it back on her. Ask her why she is against a fair agreement- is she already planning to divorce you? Tell her that she doesn't trust you, and ask her how that makes her feel. After all, the prenup just makes things fair, so if she's against it then she isn't willing to share equally with you.

You could just marry her without a prenup, maybe it will turn out okay. My wife and I didn't sign a prenup, and things are going well for us. It's up to you whether you're willing to roll the dice though.

Or you can break off the engagement. In your next relationship, bring up the pre-nup topic very early on. It was kind of silly to get engaged to this woman without talking about it first, to be honest.

MountainGoldenYeti · 2026-02-19T20:56:25+00:00

I definitely recommend looking up James Sexton on YouTube. He is a divorce lawyer. He makes an incredibly compelling case for prenups.

Abject-Ticket-6260 · 2026-02-19T21:07:44+00:00

Don't give in. Honestly it's pretty suspicious how she's trying so hard to manipulate you over this. I don't want to sound like those redditors that tell you to break up over everything, but i would advise you to reconsider getting married to her at this moment.

JazzFan1998 · 2026-02-19T21:13:49+00:00

Fun fact for anyone who doesn't know. For a prenup to be enforced, it has to be fair to both parties, she would be able to put things in there/protect her assets too.

JazzFan1998 · 2026-02-19T21:16:38+00:00

Just an idea, to get more diversified opinions, consider posting this in r/datingadvice.

For the record, I'm in favor of a prenup, but I've never met a woman who was in favor of them, unless they're rich.

rebelrules99 · 2026-02-19T21:42:57+00:00

The whole "a prenup is unromantic" and "You're planning for the marriage to fail" shtick worked for women for several decades. It doesn't work anymore. We've all been exposed to far too many horror stories. Once you see it, you can't unsee it. Getting married is not just a romantic decision, it's a business decision and a lifestyle decision and several other decisions all wrapped up into one.

Seraphayel · 2026-02-19T21:55:20+00:00

Friend, whatever you do, get that prenup. For your own wellbeing and safety.

neveragoodtime · 2026-02-19T22:00:23+00:00

First of all, there’s no reason to get married if this is how you feel. Until the divorce system is massively changed, the breadwinner will continue to be screwed regardless of prenup, which only covers assets before the marriage. Secondly, $100k is not very much money to be worried about protecting with a prenup. The majority of your wealth will be built during your marriage and will all be subject to community property rules, depending on state.

Terrible-Mind2633 · 2026-02-19T22:05:35+00:00

Prenups should be mandatory, it’s just the responsible thing to do and covers things that you should have to talk about before marrying someone anyway. Someone not wanting a prenup is as much of a turn off (maybe in different ways) than someone wanting one, shouldn’t matter its just like doing taxes or making a will there’s nothing sexy about it. We need to normalize prenups, if you don’t then you default to the governments decision making in the event of a fallout so you’re basically saying to each other “I trust the government’s decisions in this matter more so than the ones you and I can make”. Thats why I think prenups should be mandated and submitted prior to signing a marriage license, then you don’t even need to question having one you just have too. Maybe that will lead to some awkward conversations, but like I mentioned its probably conversations that need to take place and some pre marital counseling might help which is something else I think should be strongly encouraged and widely available prior to marriage. I also think dna testing should be mandatory in the hospital at the birth of children, but thats another issue.

WhereIsYourBodNow · 2026-02-19T23:29:11+00:00

Sounds like she's planning to take you for everything you have at some point. Either she signs the prenup or engagement is off. Seems like only logical option.

No-Knowledge-8867 · 2026-02-20T00:03:52+00:00

Ask her why should she be entitled to your money and assets after she chooses to divorce you?

moe19911 · 2026-02-20T00:10:06+00:00

I think what you said rings true and should inform your decision. If the situation were reversed they'd be advising her to get a prenup and you would be an opportunistic man trying to use her for her money if you opposed it. Also like other people have said marriage is a legally binding contract not a romantic endeavor, you gotta seriously consider signing a contract if you're legally obligated to uphold it. It's not something you take lightly.

SaaSWriters · 2026-02-20T00:27:58+00:00

She is not the woman for you.

But you’ll still marry her.

So it doesn’t matter what would happen in a hypothetical scenario- in reality, you are not going to let her go till she leaves herself.

Alert_Term_8144 · 2026-02-20T00:48:54+00:00

Ah, the good old manipulation tactic of "planning for our marriage to fail before it starts." Well the reality is, marriages often fail and oddly, breaking the marriage contract often leads to a contract you didn't want, eg. alimony, unfair asset division. As another commenter said, make sure it's reciprocal so if she ends up making more money, the deal is the same... everyone keep what they made for the most part etc. Prenups can be thrown out if it's super one-sided.

freneticalm · 2026-02-20T01:50:54+00:00

You've been smart in your career, your finances... and you're making the smart move here. The prenup does absolutely nothing harmful as long as you two stay married. She loses nothing by its existence unless she pulls the pin on the divorce grenade. Talking you out of a prenup is how she can plan for a failed marriage, and what she's saying is very manipulative.

Also, keep in the mind that prenups can get thrown out in court. Presumably you're talking to a lawyer about the details of the prenup. Make sure your lawyer knows some ways to protect against that. I believe one of the common catches is the other party (i.e. the fiancee) not having representation of some kind.

Significant-Charity8 · 2026-02-20T02:24:30+00:00

You need to put all your stuff in a Trust including your assets and set it up so it is legally protected from her threats and shenanigans. Best part is, she doesn't need to know that it's all in a Trust and you don't have to make her sign anything for what is yours. Make it an off-shore Trust (if you cam afford it) and that's even better.

The ladies don't like a Prenup because it means they have to actually be responsible for their own actions and not act wild and unruly like so many secular women are prone to do.

AwwHellChelleBelle · 2026-02-20T02:43:31+00:00

I'll start by saying we did not sign a prenup but I would have if he asked me.

We've been together 16 years and finished paying off my student loans last month. I was paying it from my own free money until he realized what I was doing and he set it up to be paid out of our joint account. Now we only have a joint account. It wasn't a big deal to my hubby but he wanted it paid off asap.

He makes over double what I do. Once again not a big deal to him until it came down to his 401k and my 403b. When we moved across the country 12 years ago I set my 403b to go up 1% each year. I didn't realize until he wanted to check my balance that I was putting in 16% of my pay and our 401 balances were within $60 of each other. I teased him that he had that planned so if we got divorced he wouldn't have to split his 401 with me! That really was a joke, however, facts are facts and we'd walk away with our full accounts and he wouldn't have to give me any of his.

So show that you really care about y'all's future retirement, if y'all can afford it, and let her squirrel away just enough so that y'all maintain a similar 401k balance. If y'all have a similar balance that's one less thing to split. We just like to think of the small loss of funds now to have an amazing retirement but I also think it would be amazing to not give someone a dime they didn't work for if y'all do divorce.

As for the money you already saved put it in your parents name if they're healthy or move it to an offshore account. You'd need to prove that the funds were premarital for the offshore account but if you deposited them prior to marriage, I would think that's proof enough. Obviously check into all of your options and legalities but where there's a will, there's a way.

Edit it to if

banned4free_speech · 2026-02-20T03:35:11+00:00

I had to bring it to several girls probably most relevant was the one that I knew was not going to take it well but I knew if I was going to be willing to take it to the next level I was eventually going to have to do it and I liked her so I was going to have to see if we could be financially responsible together and she of course did not take it. Well I don’t think that was the thing that ruined the relationship. It did hurt it definitely don’t regret doing it eventually did get married with this girl. I was in the driver seat financially, so it was to take it or leave it sort of thing we got divorced and the prenup saved my ass don’t get wrapped up and how she feels about it. Be more concerned about if you two can make a business decision together because if you can’t talk business together you’re not going to be a successful couple.

Dudequality · 2026-02-20T03:37:46+00:00

A prenup is a contract. So is marriage. Romance and love can exist independently of both of these. If you want to get into marriage, you should have an accompanying prenup.

lala_you · 2026-02-20T04:44:35+00:00

BIG RED FLAG 🚩, seems like you don't really know the person you're going to marry. do not get marry

Laxyeyes · 2026-02-20T06:20:00+00:00

What's not to get. You want to protect yourself from a bad divorce. She is the unromantic one for not letting you get one.

Haunting_Switch3463 · 2026-02-20T09:04:33+00:00

Wheter you like it or not you'll have a prenup. The question is whether you prefer to rely on those imposed on you by the government, or create your own agreement together with your future wife.

anitram96 · 2026-02-20T09:22:03+00:00

I'm a woman and I agree with you.

ChunkChucklebutt · 2026-02-20T09:36:09+00:00

Anyone unwilling to sign a contract of intent is telling you they would be willing to fuck you over. Don’t fall for the manipulation

False-Performer-7261 · 2026-02-20T10:07:36+00:00

Yea man .. if she won’t sign a prenup don’t marry her ..

The same reason why you get insurance on a car . You don’t except to get in a car accident. But be prepared just in case ..

She is trying to emotionally manipulate you . If you bring it up again , I can guarantee you she is going to cry , say you don’t trust her . And everything she can think of …. DO NOT go in without a prenup .

Yamcha-is-Life · 2026-02-20T10:07:50+00:00

I advise you to give her an Ultimatum. You both sign a legally binding pre-nup that is fair, or you don't get married. You should approach it from the angle that marriage isn't about money, it's about making a commitment to each other, and money shouldn't even be a point of contention if you truly love someone. Flips the emotionality she's trying to manipulate back at her. If she doesn't want to marry you with a good pre-nup (Ensure you have a neutral party lawyer, not her recommendation, read it and ensure it's good), then you have your answer.

False-Performer-7261 · 2026-02-20T10:11:00+00:00

Ask yourself this man .. why would she be upset about a prenup ..if she planned on being with you forever ..

If she planned on being with you forever then a prenup would never matter ..

It’s because she knows just as well as you , that there’s a possibility that it may not work out .. and if it doesn’t . That means she wouldn’t get any of your money …

Think about it from her perspective.. she is already $40k in debt .. all she has to do is divorce you . Then she can pay all of her debt off .. there’s a reason why 70-80% of divorces are initiated by women ..

WeekendSuccessful420 · 2026-02-20T11:17:16+00:00

You are 100% right. Go and get your prenub. I'm glad you saw with your own eyes, how your friend went through hell. You can dicuss on the prenub sych that it satisfies both patties. She is going to be your wife and bear kids. Women biologically come to take away. You should expect to give her something. Not 50% if your own wealth but at least 5% of your personal wealth and 35% of the wealth you both build together. What do you think.?

Bascome · 2026-02-20T11:26:15+00:00

Plenty of things in a marriage at not romantic honey, if you expect romantic at all times perhaps we should talk more about if marriage is right?

teucer_ · 2026-02-20T11:52:13+00:00

To be very clear, marriage is a legal contract and has nothing at all to do with romance and you should reconsider the entire situation if you have no other specific articulable reason to marry other than so called romance.

Sitheral · 2026-02-20T12:05:59+00:00

Well, it is unromantic. Its also wise. To be honest, her caring about it is unromantic too.

2026-02-20T13:11:06+00:00

It's just a way to guilt trip you to make you feel bad and get what she wants so don't fall for it

Star-Hero · 2026-02-20T13:18:07+00:00

For me that would be a deal breaker to be honest. If she doesn't agree then to me that would be her is the one looking at it failing from the start and more interested in £.

Dont want to jump to saying leave her, but don't back down with your prenup, and her family's opinion is irrelevant.

Cloxxki · 2026-02-20T13:34:12+00:00

No need for a marriage probably? Is her dad paying for the whole wedding? What does the marriage give the man he can't get from a good woman without it?

Kyonkanno · 2026-02-20T14:37:45+00:00

There’s always a prenup. One is made by the government and the other is made by you two. Why should the government dictate how your marriage works? A prenup is supposed to protect both.

You dont buy insurance expecting to trash your car. You get a prenup expecting your marriage to fail. Honestly she’s using all the manipulative tactics gold diggers use against prenups. Not saying she’s one though.

There are other ways to protect your assets that dont require a prenup.

So easy to say “share everything” when you’re not the one being asked to share your money. Lol

livingstardust · 2026-02-20T14:39:41+00:00

Always do a prenup. Make one that protects you, but is also fair to her.

Statistically, factually, prenups make sense.

Keep in mind, you can't realistically cover the support of children in a prenup.

The state holds their interest and can unilaterally decide and order what they consider appropriate for support. Your prenup cannot override a child support order from your state.

So, keep that in mind.

Also keep in mind that realistically, there may be situations where a court may also override conditions set out in a prenup. They aren't 100% guaranteed.

However, don't let her or anyone else gaslight you- hold to your opinion on a prenup.

KingMelray · 2026-02-20T15:03:43+00:00

You two actually already have a prenup. It's just the divorce laws of your State. You are now taking agency to get a prenup that fit your needs.

There is a very prevalent stereotype that prenups are for antagonists in top hats, a monocle, and perpetually smoking a cigar.

But is it romantic? No. Not all things are.

Bundle_of_wood · 2026-02-20T15:23:55+00:00

Going to be honest and tell you it’s probably already over.

iamdoug · 2026-02-20T15:35:09+00:00

Are you planning on having kids soon? Why are you getting married?

SpiceyPorkFriedRice · 2026-02-20T17:13:03+00:00

DO NOT MARRY HER OF SHE DOESNT SIGN THE PREUP. Trust me, this happened to one of my friends and she divorced him a couple min later. Left him broke. Another thing you can do is put everything you own in the name of your mother, basically what Achraf Hakimi did.

TangeloCheap7167 · 2026-02-20T17:19:46+00:00

Tell her you love her so much that you want a prenup so that she never leaves you.

shykaliguy · 2026-02-20T17:25:36+00:00

Here's the truth. Marriage is a legal business decision with a legal binding contract. Some things that are rarely mentioned is the fact that she will also have medical power of attorney over you and vice versa if you are unable to make a medical decision yourself. The two of you would have full access/responsibility legally to anything that the other does with credit , debt , taxes, mortgage loans, etc.

None of those things that I mentioned are "romantic", but they are facts and a part of the marriage and life that the two of you will have once you are married to each other.

The unfortunate truth is that there is still a very high divorce rate in the US of somewhere between 40 and 50%. So statistically, the odds are against you. We have all heard these stories about divorce as being long and drawn out , dramatic, expensive, and one person who lost a lot more than what they came in with and one other person that made off like a bandit.

You may never convince her with this thing but you can of course continue to try. There's many YouTube channels that give explanations on how to explain this in a way that someone could hopefully understand and accept it so I encourage you to take a look.

Here's another way though for you to look at things OP, she's unwilling to do something that would be financially responsible for the two of you. Do you want to marry someone knowing that they are going to be financially irresponsible with your funds investments, and other monies? I get that you love them but you're going to grow to resent her if that happens and marriage is full of resentment are definitely not romantic and do not tend to last.

Do not be afraid to stand up for what you believe in. But I do encourage you to look for another way to present it. 💯

Next_Instruction_528 · 2026-02-20T17:27:34+00:00

Bro her reaction is the most terrifying part I guarantee you she already sees you as a meal ticket and is going to love being debt free with half your retirement taking a trip with her new boyfriend.

The girl I'm currently with had the option to totally screw her ex-husband and didn't take anything from him. She wouldn't even blink twice if I proposed and wanted a prenup.

The fact that she's so upset by this means that she was already looking at divorce as a way out as an exit plan that leaves her with a golden parachute.

Next_Instruction_528 · 2026-02-20T17:29:16+00:00

You also need to think about the huge power dynamic that's going to be in play in your marriage when she can just divorce you and take half your money at any time.

Who do you think's going to be a better partner one that needs to be in the relationship for a financial stability or someone with a golden parachute that can bounce and have a new life with a new boyfriend and half your money anytime.

Greecelightning3 · 2026-02-20T17:30:13+00:00

You are not wrong at all, and you’re thinking about this the right way. The most important thing (outside of protecting yourself) is being able to have a difficult conversation about your collective future.

If it’s this tough now, ask yourself - what will it be like if the marriage fails? Check out James Saxton - he has a great way of explaining this.

https://youtu.be/4ohupRuJDgw?si=BpzXlniCRuYvJ18F

DaMan123456 · 2026-02-20T17:45:14+00:00

Having a prenup is one the most romantic things a couple can do. Nothing says we will be together through pain and suffering for just love than a prenup.

Now if she wants to be compensated for going through pain and suffering with you, then isn't she being an exclusive prostitute?

viskambin · 2026-02-20T18:57:09+00:00

Yuuup protect yourself dude, if she no like she can fly

themdrakib · 2026-02-20T19:00:54+00:00

You are right, with your instincts! Don’t sign up for a failure! Stay single rather then being broke! Stay woke!

rhoo31313 · 2026-02-20T20:32:47+00:00

It's ok for her to be upset. Protect yourself.

phrunk7 · 2026-02-20T20:51:01+00:00

Fuck all the negative opinions. They aren't going to hurt you as much as losing hundreds of thousands of dollars in 20 years will.

itspinkynukka · 2026-02-20T21:26:19+00:00

You share stuff while married. If you divorce you don't want to keep sharing stuff.

SoulofOsiris · 2026-02-20T21:29:59+00:00

Any woman that gives you pushback regarding a prenup is exactly the kind of woman you need a prenup for.

If she's marrying because she loves you and not your assets then signing a prenup before marriage should be a non-issue.

NullIsUndefined · 2026-02-20T22:30:46+00:00

I'll just leave this here. Worth a listen

https://youtu.be/Uvy5mcLiWW0?t=5383&si=N55d2LYWGbR-w5XO

You can define a prenup with account ownership.

You have your accounts, her accounts and joint accounts. It stays that way during marriage and after divorce

DesertCool500 · 2026-02-20T23:03:15+00:00

The fact that she got upset is all you need to walk away; any other action by you will be taking on more risk!

DesertCool500 · 2026-02-20T23:07:26+00:00

In 25 years, you two can fave a combined net worth of 5 million of which you contributed 4m and she 1M. Without a prenup she gets 50% (2.5m). So your penalty for no prenup will be 1.5M 🫣

WilliamRobutt · 2026-02-20T23:50:39+00:00

Don't get married. She wants to hold a gun to your head and she's angry that you want to put the safety on it. Getting married at all is just stupid.

ClintonJamesFBXL5 · 2026-02-21T05:20:17+00:00

I am sure you are a great guy and a great " catch", but realistically ask yourself,would she be with you if you made the same or less than her,and you had debts like her. Likely not. Protect yourself bro. Let us know your decision.

OneFormal3782 · 2026-02-21T17:13:44+00:00

It’s insane to get married in the first place, as there’s no benefit in it for men. You’ll just end up trapped in a sexless marriage within 10 years; that is if she doesn’t initiate a divorce before then, of which there is a 50% chance and an 80% chance that she’s the innitiator. It’s reported at only 3% of marriages survive long term with both party’s claiming to be happy. Prenup or not, marriage is a huge mistake, no logical thinking person would ever get married. Also, 70% of the time the prenup isn’t recognized by the court and can be thrown out entirely all at the discretion of a judge. So, if you like not dealing with courts, it’s best to avoid that nightmare entirely.

HerbertRTarlekJr · 2026-02-22T03:43:01+00:00

Tell her that she can demonstrate "commitment" by not demanding half of your assets.

That will be proof that she loves you.

Lollypop_Starship · 2026-02-22T17:18:24+00:00

Don't marry her. Protect yourself. She's letting you know her true colors.

Banake · 2026-02-23T09:29:14+00:00

Honestly, not wanting a prenup is a red flag.

EstimateNo5293 · 2026-02-23T12:25:30+00:00

Honestly, being called unromantic is to be expected. I mean just take the other perspective for one second: You (female) would have the opportunity to enter a financial contract, where you are rewarded mit most likely more than half if you exit the contract (Women often get preferred treatment in court) and then the man dares to come up with an prenup and the whole society tells you you are in the right and how unromantic something like that is. BUT where is an easy solution just guilt him by saying it's unromantic in giving up on the prenup and if the marriage fails you (female) don't even go for half. You go for erverything. Perspective change closed.

Honestly, you better not only insist on the prenup but also see this as an opportunity to see whether your fiance is willing to see reason or which guilt trip methods she would use against you within the marriage.

There are a lot of good men who thought they had amazing fiances only to discover later what their fiances cheated and took more than half after the divorce. Often these men lacked boundaries e.g. prenup.

I believe men who don't stand up for themselves and forget their spine enable their wives to cheat and rob them. I think it makes an huge difference whether an male does show what he has boundaries or implies that the woman would get away with everything.

I would strongly suggest males who are not willing to put up any boundaries not to marry at all. It is too dangerous. Those men aren't prepared to marry yet.

If she agrees to a prenup, Make sure the prenup would hold up in court, e.g. she would need her own lawyer, the prenup may not be signed too short before marriage and ...

ObviousPrize9298 · 2026-02-23T19:20:38+00:00

If you board a plane, does the crew explain how to use oxigen masks and life vests? And does this fact mean that you desire the plane will crash? Even if you don't desire that, you protect yourself because things happen.

Now, just consider the probability of a plane crash -and yet we protect ourselves in case of accident-. And consider the probability of a divorce. Should'n we talk calmly about the "emergency routines" in case of marriage problems? And yes, as we do it before the plane takes of, my advice is doing it before the marriage is on.

(Here is a simple guy who had his life ruined by a divorce - without prenup-).

CSLPLASMA · 2026-02-23T23:50:39+00:00

Everyone needs legal protection. Don’t marry that bullshit ass woman

CauliflowerBig3133 · 2026-02-24T07:01:09+00:00

Marriage with prenup is like sugar relationship.

I would say forgo marriage.

cupcakebuffette · 2026-02-24T11:13:14+00:00

You just have to stand your ground. I know plenty of people too scared to stand for what they want in a relationship and I understand the risks. But if you cannot respect what you stand for then no one else will.

Ariose_Aristocrat · 2026-02-25T02:11:29+00:00

Make sure that you tell her you'll never wear condoms or wear a seatbelt again

Waste-Cloud-9468 · 2026-02-25T21:15:00+00:00

If someone cannot be responsible for one's own action ( not paying bills for the comfort she shares with you), run as fast as you can. She is a walking liability and it will only snowball if you can't make her think logically, and she insists to feel how she feels and won't bulge.

sptrstmenwpls · 2026-02-25T23:54:09+00:00

Absolutely protect yourself, you're being smart about this. "Unromantic" is absolutely an attempt at manipulation. A woman that would essentially counter this necessary step as she is, is exhibiting hard red flag, toxically feminine behavior.

The financial rape of men problem must come to an end in Western society & it's folks like you that are making it happen. Stay strong, brother.

Wouldn't pay a penny towards her student loans, you aren't her loan forgiveness program (that would be un-romantic). At least not until she puts in 20-30 years with you and you're both retiring. And don't let her take it from you indirectly either by only paying off her own loans and other things of self-interest while not contributing to the household finances. She made that bed and can put on some big girl pants about it.

Probably the best way to go about it would be to speak to a non-missandric counselor about how finances should be run in a fair and equitable way when there's an income imbalance.

Neverland__ · 2026-02-19T20:23:21+00:00

Brother DO NOT MARRY WITHOUT IT

ValiXX79 · 2026-02-19T20:27:11+00:00

Dont give in. Ask for the prenup.

amootcontrol · 2026-02-19T21:58:31+00:00

Someone who cares about how you feel wouldn’t be trying to convince you to do something you don’t want to do.

hikeruntravellive · 2026-02-19T22:11:43+00:00

If she’s not willing to sign it then walk. Honestly, I’d advise against marriage altogether since half the prenups get busted open. Why can’t you just be together without the piece of paper? You already have been for a few years. Why mess things up with a worthless paper??

PracticalSock5373 · 2026-02-19T22:56:21+00:00

She's not willing to leave herself unprotected if the marriage fails, that's why she has a problem signing a prenup. But she thinks you're wrong for wanting the same protection for yourself. Or she's setting up a future jackpot! So, if SHE'S so sure it won't fail HERSELF, let's see her prove it. If your money isn't what she's after, she's got nothing to lose by signing and declaring so legally! There is no better way to demonstrate that she loves you for YOU and is not interested in you for your MONEY, than by saying so on paper as legal as your marriage certificate.

She says you don't trust her. Really? Why is discussing and deciding ahead of time who gets what in a posdible divorce not "trusting" her? I, personally, wouldn't trust anybody UNWILLING to do that! NOTHING could be MORE fair than agreeing to everything ahead of time! And if her demands are unreasonable, at least you learned that beforehand!

She says you're "planning for the marriage to fail" by making sure you're not financially screwed unfairly if it does go wrong.

If that's true, then she's "planning for the marriage to fail" by refusing to leave herself UNABLE to screw you unfairly if it does go wrong!

And, of course HER parents would be against it! That goes without saying!!! It means NOTHING.

And, concerning any prenup, keep in mind, along with agreeing ahead of time to other fair terms, consider if you intend for her to stop working and be a "stay at home" wife at some point, she'll then have been out of work for years if a divorce does happen, so she SHOULD have assurance of a decent income for SOME years afterward to give her some time to try to re-establish her independent earning level back to where it was when she'd stopped working (and it should be a REASONABLE amount and a reasonable amount of time, absolutely NOT FOREVER!). And YOU need to agree with her not working for this to apply. You need to make sure you discuss whether she ever plans to be a stay at home wife, and if so, and if that's okay with you, you can add this protection for her into the prenup. That's fair, which is all your asking from her, as opposed to her being free to totally screw you over unfairly financially. And if you have children, custody (shared or otherwise), child support (if not 50/50 custody), etc. should be agreed upon.

BEFORE marrying, you both need to sit down, discuss who gets what, agree to tems ahead of time, and put it in WRITING...so BOTH of you avoid the risk of EITHER getting screwed over! If she manipulates you with a routine about it being "unromantic" don't fall for it. If she won't sit down, discuss and agree beforehand to limit herself only to what's fair, then you don't want to marry a woman who refuses to be fair to you. You WILL pay for that later...and through the NOSE too!

Remember, if she refuses to give up the right to screw you over if your marriage goes south like HALF of all marriages do, you have to know it's because that's what she intends to do if that happens, even if SHE'S the one who decides to leave YOU she still intends to screw you for every penny she can get! And if you go ahead with the marriage knowing that fully, you'll have no right to complain if/when it happens to you! You knew the whole time she WOULD and went ahead with the marriage anyway! That's on you and nobody else is to blame.

Explain to her that the prenup shows you and the world that she wants to marry YOU and not the MONEY you've saved over a lifetime. It's the most romantic thing she could do to prove how genuine her love for you REALLY is. Refusing to sign shows uncertainty from HER that the marriage will succeed as much as you wanting her to sign ever could. Don't let her spin it the opposite way and lay all the risk of getting screwed financially on ONLY YOU while assuring a payday for her at your expense if SHE decides to abandon YOU! Why would any sane person sign an agreement where the other party gets paid a bonus for breaking it? If she can't see that that's an unfair relationship contract with you, you're marrying someone who clearly doesn't have YOUR interests at heart! REMEMBER THAT! Explain that to her and see if she can see it from your perspective or not. If she's willing to be fair, you must also be absolutely fair with her in the prenup, don't be stupid, be fair but be generously fair--she deserves it! But if she's not willing to be fair, that will tell you if really she's worth marrying.

Anyway, that's my advice, for whatever THAT'S worth! Now you must decide if YOU think it makes sense to you or not. But what you decide may one day leave your life in utter ruins. The choice is yours, my friend. Think on it very, very deeply. It may be the most important decision about your future you will EVER make!

I'm hoping, for your sake, she's willing to be fair to you.

Aexaus · 2026-02-20T00:27:17+00:00

Man, can I point something out to you? How many times have you heard the story that one day she wakes up bored and suddenly wants a divorce to go find herself?

They run on emotions, and their emotions are notorious for changing at the drop of a hat.

Rudhao · 2026-02-20T01:12:11+00:00

Dont get married, get yourself a mistress instead and make things clear from day 1 (if you want kids by her anyway)

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2026-02-20T01:38:12+00:00

You already have a pre-nup. It’s been written by you state legislatures and codified into law.

It seems that she thinks she’s entitled to the money you brought into the marriage.

So, you can use the states version or write your own, your choice

letsmakemoneys · 2026-02-20T01:51:37+00:00

Bro, I literally just saw a greentext A.I. youtube video of this same situation. Guy was worth millions, a software programmer, wanted prenup with gf but she accused him of not trusting her.

T,L;DR is they took time apart, he ended their rental lease, moved on, found nice elementary teacher and they married and had kids. Ex gf realized she fumbled big time, into her 40s she never married and stayed single.

13donor · 2026-02-20T01:54:32+00:00

You are right. If she doesnt come to the relationship with 50% you need a prenup. Dont change your mind.

mr_j_12 · 2026-02-20T02:02:47+00:00

She's seen what you make and been guiding you along for 3 years. Give it two years tops post marriage and you will be divorced and broke. Sorry dude, but huge red flags there.

akuvkdgm1246u · 2026-02-20T03:08:27+00:00

You should speak to a divorce lawyer first. What you have before your marriage stays yours in NY state. Don’t need a prenup for that. Prenups have a lot of misconceptions.

CloudFF7- · 2026-02-20T04:09:23+00:00

It’s a business transaction and assets are more on your side and courts favor women in divorce

michaelpaoli · 2026-02-20T05:00:08+00:00

prenup is often a very good idea. But it needs be mutually beneficial - no reason for both parties to sign it if it's not.

if I really loved her I wouldn't need legal protection

Back at her - marriage is (mostly) a civil contract, with legal protection (and various rights, benefits, etc.). So ... if she really loves you, she doesn't need marriage. ;-)

Her parents think

You're (presumably) marrying her, not her parents. But ... "package deal", so, yeah, ... there is her parents.

marriage is about sharing everything

Needn't be, and by default legally isn't. Much, sure, everything ... no. And different couples will want to do things differently, in terms of how much of what is shared ... and what isn't or at least will remain their separate property - through marriage, and, if it comes to it divorce. Laws also vary by jurisdiction (e.g. state), so fair bit of that will also significantly differ, at least by default by jurisdiction.

if the situation were reversed and she made more money, everyone would be telling her to protect herself. But because I'm the man asking for it, I'm cold and unromantic. Why is there a double standard?

Is it? Or would you be calling her cold and unromantic ... or maybe your parents would be calling her that.

you clearly don't trust me

It's not about trust, it's about protecting your ass(ets). You need get that across to her ... and should also protect her. If it's not mutually beneficial for her to sign the prenup, she ain't gonna. She's no fool. So, are you gonna figure out a way to do it that's mutually agreeable? Or, either of you can just break off the agreement if prenup is a must for marriage for you.

You're not wrong, but if signing the prenup isn't (also) of benefit to her, the she probably ain't gonna sign it. And you really should have discussed it, and agreed upon it, at least in principle, before even proposing. I know when I proposed (and she very excitedly said yes), we'd already much talked about prenup beforehand, and we both very much agreed on what we wanted and how we wanted to structure it, what it would and wouldn't cover and how, etc. So, yeah, generally "surprising" someone with a prenup doesn't go over well. Bring it up as early as relevant. And absolutely never spring it on someone just short of wedding - that's a sh*t thing to do, also, in some jurisdictions, without sufficient notice and time for them to review with their own attorney, etc, that would also render it null and void (and probably pretty good law too - folks shouldn't spring it on a fiance just before or quite shortly before wedding - that would be pretty sh*t thing to do).

Well, good luck! And, yeah, you two need well figure that out. Heck, one of the major things couples argue and fight over, and divorce over - money and assets and control thereof, and how to earn, save, spend, invest, etc. If y'all can't even agree on a prenup, it won't get easier from there.

WhyTypeHour · 2026-02-20T05:09:50+00:00

Then we'll just get married in the church. No legal binding

shitpunmate · 2026-02-20T05:26:28+00:00

Every relationship is an investment and marriage being the most important. Of course you want to get a prenup. She should support that.

radioraven1408 · 2026-02-20T05:29:19+00:00

If she really loved you she would sign it and not worry about a real divorce since it would not happen because she loves you. Buuuuut that’s implying you are the good guy that would never cheat. If she knew you then she would not worry and sign away.

DivineSky5 · 2026-02-20T05:29:26+00:00

doesn't matter what she calls you - stand your ground.

Only-Secret-123 · 2026-02-20T05:53:34+00:00

The stuff you split is what is made after you marry, which would have been pooled together anyway. It’s not what you had pre marriage. Also, unless kids are involved, your incomes are close enough that it’s not going to end up with her getting alimony. Alimony is granted if you’ve got one spouse working and ones a stay at home parent that gave up their career for it, not for two working professionals without kids. You need to either jump into the marriage whole heartedly, or not get married. If you’re already anticipating divorcing her then really ask yourself if this is the right relationship for you.

The_London_Badger · 2026-02-20T06:09:38+00:00

I believe this is a karma farming bot post. Ive seen this 4 times before. Come up with your own slop please.

MellowMarshPit · 2026-02-20T07:06:49+00:00

Do what your gut tells you

barkmagician · 2026-02-20T13:51:45+00:00

do a purely ceremonial wedding. hire a lawyer for her to change lastname.

AcanthocephalaOk4669 · 2026-02-20T20:01:09+00:00

Sorry to tell you this, but I think this mariage is doom to fail in the long run... How much time you may ask. Maybe in 5 or 20 years.

MickYle9 · 2026-02-21T05:22:23+00:00

She's using emotional manipulation. Hold firm. Get that thing signed.

Fam99_ · 2026-02-21T06:01:43+00:00

Yea I'm in your side, get the prenup, you don't have to be romantic 24/7 it's just unrealistic. Same as being happy 24/7 these aren't realistic things these things happen from time to time. Get that prenup and keep yourself protected just in case. I wish you a happy marriage 🥂.

xlerv8 · 2026-02-21T08:14:36+00:00

Cos she knows if you relent, she's got ya in court. It's like they get taught this young.

The_0bserver · 2026-02-21T11:01:26+00:00

Lol. Major gas lighting. Saying this, means you should absolutely get it.

Disastrous_Double_61 · 2026-02-21T11:30:24+00:00

Lo que tienes que hacer es dejar a esa chica y buscarte a otra que gane lo mismo o más que tú. Tenemos que empezar a ser exigentes también señores

2026-02-21T19:31:29+00:00

Marriage is wildly unsuccessful these days. It is more important than ever to filter out potential partners that are going to destroy your life later financially with a divorce and she is raising the obvious red flag my guy.

Please learn from the millions of husbands before you that are screaming at society about how fucked up marriage is for men right now and take the W by recognizing that if she loves you, she would sign the prenup.

Healthy relationships is a series of verbal contractual agreements that both partners adhere to maintain trust, healthy boundaries, and live a functioning successful life.

A prenup is like saying "if you cancel all our relational contracts, I am not going to allow you to completely ruin me". It is a completely fair concept; her opposition is damning of irrationality and selfishness that will likely only express itself in worse ways as time goes on.

jefaljo · 2026-02-21T20:02:32+00:00

Don’t deal with this nonsense. She is showing you who she is right now.

clouddog-111 · 2026-02-21T21:20:15+00:00

everyone should get a prenup.

brainwave27 · 2026-02-22T05:09:18+00:00

Because when a man signs the contract with The State the women has 100% of the power in the relationship from that day on. Married men all live in fear of divorce court and censor their speech, their actions and even their own thoughts because of this. Women are hyper aware of the power the family courts give them. They cherish it. But if she told you that it would make her look how? Romantic? No. So she turns the tables on you and says you are unromantic for not wanting to hand her a loaded gun with permission to use it anytime she wants for any reason or no reason.

Inkspells · 2026-02-22T09:58:32+00:00

Eh. Many women who make money don't do prenups. If you really believe someone is the one. There is no need for a prenup because you wont ever divorce. Source married.

My fiance called me unromantic for wanting a prenup - why is protecting myself controversial?

Comments

1 make your first million, then position a prenup.

2 if you love her risk it all for her and don’t enter into a marriage planning/prepping for a divorce

Title	My fiance called me unromantic for wanting a prenup - why is protecting myself controversial?
Author	Artistic_Proposal495
Upvotes	832
Comments	351
Date	February 19, 2026 5:27 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1r95f81/my_fiance_called_me_unromantic_for_wanting_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/my-fiance-called-me-unromantic-for-wanting-a.1573826 https://theredarchive.com/post/1573826