When men and women say they have “no options” it means two completely different things

Infamous_Reaction931 · 2026-05-16T01:23:25+00:00

Been on and off dating apps for 8 years and never got a single match or any interest irl. There’s no point trying to explain to PPD women who are all 30+ and married what dating as a young man is truly like. They will never agree or understand.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-05-14T21:36:07+00:00

I will admit this is a really fucking hot take, but I stand by it.

It literally means the same thing: "I have no options that interest me"

Yes, the average woman has about 100x MORE options (Source: Dating apps)

BUT 90% of dudes HAVE options. They are just invisible and too much work - literally the same reason why women don't take 90% OF their options.

That woman that you would never consider dating in a million years because she's fat and ugly? Guarantee you if you asked her on a date and came correctly, she'd give you a second. And a third.

But you'd never do that in a million years because you're not attracted to her.

That's literally (in my estimation) the way women feel about most men.

DMmeClownPics · 2026-05-14T21:42:21+00:00

You can’t simultaneously tell women to “choose better” while also insisting that they consider every single man who shows interest as an “option.” If a man is waving more red flags than a communist parade then he is not an “option”.

toasterchild · 2026-05-14T21:44:22+00:00

I've seen how men treat some of my less attractive friends, if you think having men who are willing to fuck you is better you're wrong.

EsotericRonin · 2026-05-14T22:51:00+00:00

Most men who claim they dont "have options", have options. Its just a girl they're not attracted to enough to pursue. If an option is someone who you have mutual romantic and or sexual interest in, then no, most women do not have options. Most men are bad at sex, poor company, ONLY interested in sex, lack good grooming habits, or would make poor relationship partners.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2026-05-15T02:36:50+00:00

I will say what I always say, no matter how controversial.

Whether or not you think they have options doesn't matter.

Whether you want a friendship, a relationship, Fwb, situationship, casual, or polyamory, the question will always end up the same.

Is the juice worth the squeeze?

That's it. That's all that matters.

Baseline, you need to make the person happier with you in their life than without you. Full stop.

It doesn't matter if you think they're punching above their league. It doesn't matter if you think they're butt ugly. It doesn't matter if you think they're demanding the impossible.

You need to make their life better with you than without you.

And the higher up the mental, emotional and maturity ladder you go, the higher the bar is.

If the person is obese and with children and ugly and every other mainstream undesirable thing ever, if they are fairly happy with their life and they don't think you're going to make it better, you are not an option.

Even casual hook ups. If all you want is sex, then you will only go with the sex that you think is better than no sex.

If a someone is ugly as all sin but would rather have no sex than sex with someone who is also ugly as sin. Then that person is not improving their life in anyway. Because the sex will not be better than no sex.

The only options that matter are options that make your life better anything else is not an option.

No_Switch384 · 2026-05-14T21:55:54+00:00

i cant take womens dating problems seriously

literally any women can get a man to be in a romantic relationship with

not just sex

y2kjanelle · 2026-05-14T22:19:59+00:00

When men consider the women that use them for foodie dates as options we can have this conversation. It’s the same complaint as women saying men use them for sex.

If you are down to be used by me right now (while I lie to you that im interested) to get used for a $200 dinner date and then ghost afterwards…. and you would consider me an “option”, I’m down open to hearing ts. Otherwise i am not. If you are down to seriously date and fuck women you find yourself physically repulsed to, we can chat.

But most incels have a baseline as well. They just think theirs is more valid than women’s because women are the only ones who should be settling.

Incels popularized the term looksmatch because they were literally uninterested in the women swiping on them or giving them any attention because they were too ugly or fat. Women just have 10x these amount of “options”.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2026-05-15T13:19:23+00:00

It's not completly true. You would be surprised to see the dating experience of a woman when she is "ugly". Moreover, women have other challenges like not being assaulted/raped/killed by a man that could be a potential date or not

Also, you should stop using dating apps and find other third places to touch some grass

the_scar_when_you_go · 2026-05-14T22:42:13+00:00

Nope. Men say they have no options, when there are 55-yr-old barflies who would love a ride home at 2am. They just don't want 'em.

sincerityappreciator · 2026-05-15T10:45:06+00:00

holy shit lmao do women on r/purplepilldebate still try to gaslight men by claiming every woman doesnt have infinite options? tinder was released over a decade ago ladies, the cat is out of the bag, not even mainstream redditors LARP this hard anymore. so much for "purple pill", this was plain bluepilled nonsense even in 2013.

Competitive_Swan_130 · 2026-05-15T04:30:48+00:00

The invisible man theory would be more persuasive if women's loneliness statistics did not exist.

But the stats do exist. Women report loneliness, romantic dissatisfaction, and inability to find partners at rates that match or exceed men depending on the demographic and the study. The whole 'women choose from a sea of suitors while men are invisible' narrative is built almost entirely on dating app data, where the top 20% of men get the majority of female attention. What the narrative leaves out is that the top 20% of women get the same dynamic from men on the same damn apps. Dating apps are not a representative sample of human courtship. They are an attention economy optimized for engagement, and they make everyone feel inadequate by design.

And again, the idea that women just need to lower their standards requires explaining why the men being overlooked would automatically become good partners if women selected them. Loneliness and romantic invisibility are real problems worth taking seriously. They don't automatically confer dating worthiness on the person experiencing them. Being unchosen is not the same as being unfairly overlooked, and your argument consistently conflates the two.

Funky_hobbo · 2026-05-14T21:41:02+00:00

Having a lot of options that are shit is as bad as not having options because you are invisible, if you asked me, I think is even worse since we (men) can do things to stop being invisible.

love_in_october · 2026-05-14T21:39:01+00:00

Do you genuinely not get that most women don't have a "sea of suitors" and many have none at all? When I say no options it means nobody has romantic interest in someone that they're aware of. Otherwise it's just bad options.

NoClerk951 · 2026-05-14T22:06:51+00:00

Women who are lonely don't actually want any man. Your assumption that the act of complaining about their loneliness means that they want to date is wrong because that's what men mean when they do that. What women actually mean when they say they are lonely is that they demonize men and want other women to validate their view on men. Think about it "I am so lonely" never comes without "because all the men only care about one thing" or some other misandrist statement. It's a masked attack on men, not a literal statement about loneliness. Because as you said, if they truly desired to have a partner, they wouldn't be complaining about it, they'd just pick one from the infinite options they have. It's 4d chess and it took me a while to figure it out.

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Specialist-Ring-3974 · 2026-05-14T22:30:37+00:00

I understand having not great options, but having no options at all? Yeah right... If that's true, a couple small life changes like brushing your teeth and showering will give you a few Alabama uglies at least.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2026-05-15T12:20:52+00:00

It's not an option if you are not attracted to them. Why would you be with someone ou are not attracted to? Attraction is the only valid reason, the only point to have a relationship at all.

BerserkerLord101 · 2026-05-16T16:19:33+00:00

Some women have so many options in the dating apps that one the things in their bio is : make me laugh. It's like entertainment to some of them.

MissMenace101 · 2026-05-14T21:56:37+00:00

Ah yes… because women are never invisible 🙄

Zestyclose_Show8653 · 2026-05-14T22:58:13+00:00

Women have more options for sex, not serious relationships. We have to filter through the guys who are leading conversations with sexual context way more often than men do. This leads to us rightfully being discouraged. The amount of men that my friends and I have to block due to sending unsolicited sexual messages is absurd.

OffTheRedSand · 2026-05-14T23:05:42+00:00

These men walk thru life without any woman to speak to who’ve given them any interest whether it’s at clubs, dating apps or when out about in everyday life.

you're equating the minority of incels to most men, in reality the average everyday man isn't a virgin, had been in relationships before, have friends who are women and is social.

he isn't an invisible shut in with zero experience with women, that's a very small minority in men especialy after 30.

if we're talking about incels then sure, but the struggles of incels are unique even to average men they're foreign.

KayRay1994 · 2026-05-14T22:59:11+00:00

One of the least attractive things a man can be is self pitying. Before you assume this isn’t related to the post, it 100% is - it is a prevailing mindset in a lot of these spaces and you might say “well I don’t act that way in real life” - you’d be surprised how much your internal feelings weigh on you.

Like you’re not gonna generate interest from people if your vibe is ‘void of self pity’

Few-Yesterday9628 · 2026-05-15T11:06:57+00:00

Wouldn't the most simple solution be for the men who have no options to mold themselves into the type of men the women want?

Instead men have taken the route of screeching and whining on the internet. Instead they have dug their heels into misogyny.

I don't know. I just feel like it would be so much easier for men if they just listened to women LOL. I mean. You can't want women THAT much if you refuse to adapt.

Gilmoregirlin · 2026-05-15T14:09:56+00:00

Here we go again. For the 100th time women are not going to lower their standards to date men they are not attracted to!

Substantial_Video560 · 2026-05-16T09:05:27+00:00

Hmm, don't agree. Some men are just simply invisible to women and lack the qualities needed to attract a partner. Those men need to find alternate paths in life.

BlackTransMaam2 · 2026-05-15T00:42:45+00:00

Every man has options, its just means you're going to wind up with an obese single mother of 3.

Tylikcat · 2026-05-15T04:50:17+00:00

"Your struggle with not being able to find the perfect man from a sea of suitors..."

So, I do attract suitors on the regular. But not all women do, and indeed most of the struggling men seem pretty oblivious to the existence of a lot of the invisible women. (The ones I know aren't in fact single mothers, and generally aren't obese, either.)

But the "perfect" thing also is pretty problematic. Now, I'm in my fifties, and pretty picky - but the question most folks fail on is "would this person make my life better or worse?"

Equivalent_Dance2278 · 2026-05-15T07:52:57+00:00

It’s hilarious how you boys think there aren’t invisible women.

Title	When men and women say they have “no options” it means two completely different things
Author	DriverInitial8305
Upvotes	81
Comments	327
Date	May 14, 2026 9:31 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1tdbzla/when_men_and_women_say_they_have_no_options_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/when-men-and-women-say-they-have-no-options-it.1580420 https://theredarchive.com/post/1580420

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