If you need to build or raise her interest she doesn’t like you

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2026-05-28T13:30:15+00:00

Exactly. And women shouldn't wasre their time trying to settle either. If you don't like him you just don't. You cannot build attraction. It's wasting everyone's time.

If you need to build it or convince them they will only "like" you for what you provide.

And it's not good or comfortable for the settling party either. You wil resent them.

But if you reserve good treatment for later you also don't like the girl. If you liked her you wouldn't hesitate. It goes both ways.

Travis_Bickle88 · 2026-05-30T02:17:15+00:00

I have been in situation where I tried so hard with a girl only to find out she wasn't interested and in a situation where a girl who liked me but I didn't like back and I realized the difference, it was insanely obvious, she used to make initiatives, make up excuses just to talk to me. That's when I realized the hard truth.

Arrowdodgingace · 2026-05-28T14:32:10+00:00

You can raise her interest but you have to keep doing so like a dancing monkey or she’ll leave you when you aren’t entertaining.

This is why I never double text a woman if she didn’t respond to my last text. Yeah you MIGHT get a response but now you set the precedent you need her more than she needs you.

Also psa for the guys not aware, if a woman is upset that you aren’t putting more interest in her when she isn’t doing the same to you, leave. She has issues.

PuzzleheadedRow9896 · 2026-05-28T14:41:34+00:00

I largely agree, but I do want to say two things:

This applies less and less the older you are. By that stage people have been hurt more so they're more guarded with their true feelings and desires generally. This isn't a sign they don't like you, it's a sign they know where that has gotten them in the past and are trying to make a new choice.
Women (generally) are going to be more guarded sooner due to dealing with childhood creepiness and societal messaging about not showing too much interest or they're the problem. So if you're say an 18 year old boy dealing with an 18 year old girl, assume she's had 6 years+ of creeps and societal messaging making her more cold and aloof. Yes, she should still be warm to you and somewhat inviting...but the idea she'll be gungho like you would isn't terribly rational.

I agree they should never be indifferent to you in terms of vibes.

pico-sooooo · 2026-05-28T16:44:06+00:00

I agree but I don’t want anyone to think that they should just sit back and wait for a gal to choose you. You gotta slang that charm and put yourself out there to determine her level of interest.

TermAggravating8043 · 2026-05-28T13:28:44+00:00

If you want a relationship with someone, you’ve got to put in some effort. No you don’t need to wine n dine a stranger, but if you like a girl and act distant, she’s going to think your not interested and move on

Avast_Lion · 2026-05-28T16:33:22+00:00

Agree, completely, but also if she doesn't KNOW you she's not going to like you. So, like, fancy dinners or gifts or "princess treatment" aren't going to make her like you--nothing is going to MAKE her like you--but going on a few dates with her and showing her what a person might potentially like about you is going to help her decide if she likes you or not. If she's only willing to get to know you over a $50 meal, maybe YOU don't like HER.

MarioWilson122 · 2026-05-29T04:18:18+00:00

Your argument only really works for men who already have options. A lot of average men can't afford to treat every woman who isn't immediately enthusiastic as a lost cause. Unless he drops his standards to the floor, which many men already struggle to do even for casual dating, most aren't sitting there with multiple highly interested women waiting in line. Women themselves constantly say attraction can grow with familiarity, comfort, personality, shared experiences, and time. There's a difference between chasing someone who clearly isn't interested and assuming anything short of strong initial enthusiasm means she's not into you.

srqfla · 2026-05-28T14:33:05+00:00

There's only two things a woman wants from man. Comfort and desire. Comfort can be negotiated and it is on a wide scale from low to high. Desire is a light switch. It's either on or off. Desire cannot be negotiated.

Unfortunately, married men who are living in a dead bedroom after 20 years want to spend $200 an hour with a marriage therapist to negotiate desire. It is a fool's errand and they will fail. Once a woman turns off the desire light switch, it's very hard to turn it back on again.

WebNew9978 · 2026-05-28T18:54:43+00:00

Not that I don’t disagree with your post but don’t women say that attraction can build over time and how they used to know someone they didn’t find attractive at first but over time did find them attractive.

The issue is that if all men did indeed not try to raise or build interest, the end result of it would be more older KHHV then there already is. Most women don’t find most men physically attractive so if they men don’t try to build interest, they’re gonna end up like me. Now I will say if you try building interest and she’s still not interested, that’s when you should stop.

BrianMeen · 2026-05-29T00:35:46+00:00

agree. I do think it’s possible for a guy to build attraction when it’s not there at the beginning but that guy will have to swim upstream forever in order to maintain it .. not worth it

guys should only get with women that have genuine desire for them at the beginning .. problem is, many guys aren’t able to build genuine desire in women so these types of guys will have to chase endlessly and just end up frustrated or burned out

Thethinker_0 · 2026-05-29T14:36:05+00:00

Some guys can't stand the idea of being rejected , to me I would never put an extra work on a girl that don't feel like am feeling , the game is the game to the next one With No Hard Feeling For Both Of Course .

AirportLow6674 · 2026-05-28T13:20:16+00:00

A standard woman in her twenties who puts conscious effort into looking good just wants a tall guy who can play the role of boyfriend on instagram. That’s as deep as it goes. If you can do that, great, otherwise you’ll have to niche out or compromise, which is fine, as those women who tend to have a bit more personality

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-05-28T20:15:53+00:00

Delete if this doesn't count as "disagreeing" but it annoys me when people make this (correct) point without any followup as to WHAT THE HELL DOES ACTUALLY RAISE HER INTEREST?

Like, most of the dudes here can't get interest in the first place, which is why they resort to super-inefficent tactics to hold attention like what you mentioned.

Go to the gym. Lift moderate amount of weights 15ish reps per excercise, 3-5 sets. Make it burn. Focus on form. Favor free weights (but honestly just going to the gym is 90% the other 10% will work itself out. amazing how much easier it is to make smart meal choices when you busted your ass for an hour in the morning lifting)
Max out a stat. Pick something that you're passionate about or good at (or hopefully both) and practice it for an hour every fucking day. Max that stat out. Congratulations, now you have a personality, you're interesting, and you can accomplish things. The shit this will do for you own inner confidence alone is worth more than any dating coach's course. Now combine that with the gym. You see where this is going?
Level up at your career. If you hate your career, get a job in sales. Get to a position where you're in charge of people. Get to a position where you're making judgement calls. Figure out what you have to get there. All of these things take time. But you have a penis. Which means you have time. There is no "wall" for dudes. It only gets better. Grind, MyDude.
Thank me later.

sincerityappreciator · 2026-05-28T13:17:03+00:00

i dont disagree with the notion that women who play hard to get arent all that into men, but you should probably keep your guard up with the ones that "make it easy", too. a lot of screwed up women out there looking for men to lure into codependent relationships.

honestly, mentally healthy women who are strongly into men are a rare breed.

glowy97 · 2026-05-28T16:01:37+00:00

Thank you. It’s cringe honestly 😂 When guys do that we think they’re annoying and talk shit to our friends and family about them because they just won’t get the hint!!! I’ve literally been asked out and told guys “NO” flat out and they still kept trying. You can’t do anything to change the mind of someone that doesn’t want you.

love_in_october · 2026-05-28T14:19:47+00:00

Our first impressions of people aren't set in stone, and if you've just met whatever you might think about them right off the bat is most likely going to be quite different to what you think once you know anything about them. Giving someone a chance means you think you could be attracted once you have some more information about them, but you just don't know them yet. And yes, getting to know someone will take some amount of effort, which some people are more willing to put in than others (if they do put it in then things will feel easier for their dates).

Love at first sight may happen in Disney but it's not something to live your life by. Mild interest at first sight is about the most you can hope for.

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blklionhart8 · 2026-05-28T14:22:59+00:00

ok but like what if the kind of girl that at bare minimum level of attractiveness still all do that?

YeaNobody · 2026-05-28T19:17:42+00:00

Pretty much....the signs are quite obvious even 20 years ago when dating apps actually worked lol.

Flightlessbirbz · 2026-05-28T22:26:42+00:00

Yes and no. Certainly, I don’t think anyone should chase and buy the affection of someone who is only reluctantly “giving them a chance.” However, it’s also true that you have to give someone the chance to like you in the first place. This goes for men and women alike. You cannot expect anyone to be interested if you’re not showing them anything to be interested in. This is especially true if we’re talking about OLD… nobody even knows if they like you yet based on a few photos and sentences.

This is the mistake a lot of men who are so afraid of being “used for free dinner” make. No, you do not need to offer to pay for an expensive dinner for the first date. But if you go into it defensively and only want to do a “walk date” or have her come over to your place, for instance, you don’t come off as someone who’s enjoyable to be around or cares if she’s comfortable. There’s nothing to make her want to get to know you, just a sassy attitude right out of the gate. It seems YOU already don’t like HER.

Same goes for a lot of women who place too high of expectations for the first date. The goal for the first date should be something reasonably priced but also a pleasant experience. For instance, a cute coffee shop with some atmosphere (not a chain), a museum, a walk in a pleasant place like botanical gardens. You don’t have to spend a lot (or anything necessarily), but it’s the difference between seeming like a fun human and immediately antagonizing your date.

YourMrFahrenheit · 2026-05-28T14:22:58+00:00

“You don’t need to wine and dine them or give any of that bs princess treatment.”

Do young dudes today not enjoy wining and dining women? This is so foreign to me. Is this a generational thing? I’m 38, happily married, was off the market before the apps even existed. Maybe I’m just old. When I was single, I always enjoyed showing off my attention and interest. It’s like Christmas, better to give than to receive. My favorite part of Christmas is seeing the joyful reaction of someone I love to opening that perfect gift I got them. Back when I was single, I loved finding cool new places to eat or activities to do. That pre-date shower, extra hot. A nice clean shave. Maybe a haircut if it’s a special occasion. Picking out the perfect thing to wear, looking and feeling my best. Spritz of cologne, the one that makes me feel irresistible. Their big smile when they see me and their excitement when they have a new experience that I brought to them. Young guys, seriously… do you not realize that wining and dining a woman is fun, regardless of the outcome of the date?

Lemon_gecko · 2026-05-28T14:03:16+00:00

It's so weird. When i read posts like this it's basically if she walked into the room and didn't fell in love with you at the first sight and didn't lust to the point of jumping you straight away - then walk away. And men call women delusional after this.

I asked men what do they want to be values for, and some answered their qualities (like being ambitious, or considerate) and you know that you have to show any qualities you have for other people to know that you have them? That what means build and raise interest. That means show what good are you. Or stay in the world where women are supposed to be...it's not even mind reading, it's like having character sheet straight from the god thing.

Altruistic_Look_7868 · 2026-05-28T13:49:43+00:00

This advice is for little boys who still believe in the fantasy that attraction or interest is a given. Good luck with that.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-05-28T16:55:07+00:00

Then why do men ask us to give them a chance ?

Ok_Use7 · 2026-05-28T15:05:05+00:00

Very true, disagree with the whole “If you find yourself doing any of that with a woman you just met, she’s just not into you.” though.

It’s fine to show women a good time. Personally, I think you should make the women that you’re fucking with feel good.

Showing someone a nice time doesn’t mean that they don’t like you or that you’re doing those things to get her to like you.

Livid-Log7463 · 2026-05-28T23:30:52+00:00

Sure, but the reality is that not every guy is going to possibly have a woman that can be interested right away, it sucks but the reality for those are that they will have to rise her interest.

DMmeClownPics · 2026-05-29T02:57:08+00:00

Hard disagree. I had no interest in my boyfriend at first. He didn’t have to “wine and dine” me at all, but what he did have to do was convince me that he was actually interested in me and not just looking for someone he thought would be an easy lay

HungryDepth5918 · 2026-05-29T07:35:01+00:00

Counter point my husband spent weeks texting me and sweet talking me took me out to dinner and I immediately jumped into his bed. I have been gaga about him ever since.

Present-Afternoon-70 · 2026-05-28T14:18:46+00:00

Translation for normal people: you need to do literally any work for a relationship its too much.

Also if you want a date ask and then bounce if that was the only value that woman had to you. Which is why she probably said no to start with. Its not a job you dont get things for just being there.

YveisGrey · 2026-05-28T17:29:53+00:00

I disagree with this because a woman should be a little coy in the beginning. This is for cases where one is actually trying to build a relationship

People now base relationship off of infatuation but that’s not a good foundation.

Successful relationships are formed when the people involved aren’t just focused on “chemistry” there needs to be more of a foundation based on values, lifestyle, goals etc…

baller696969balls · 2026-05-28T22:35:59+00:00

Somewhat false! There have been a lot of men in my life that I’ve been extremely obsessed with but I struggle to actually talk to because I like them so much and I get shy. And then I act disinterested when I do talk to them, because I don’t want them to know I’ve been obsessing over them. There is a high chance I am autistic though so my experiences may not apply to a lot of other women? I don’t know.

middleoftheroad133 · 2026-05-28T23:25:53+00:00

Why are you expecting women who dont know anything about you to just 'be in to you' without you putting in any effort

Unless you're objectively remarkably, the better question is why would you expect someone to just be in to you, when you haven't given them any reason to be?

tiny__jelly · 2026-05-28T22:47:46+00:00

If you do nothing nice for me, as a woman I'm assuming you don't like me and I'm leaving. Seriously I'd have to wait YEARS in a relationship with you before seeing a nice gesture?!

Title	If you need to build or raise her interest she doesn’t like you
Author	DriverInitial8305
Upvotes	194
Comments	241
Date	May 28, 2026 1:10 PM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1tq373c/if_you_need_to_build_or_raise_her_interest_she/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-you-need-to-build-or-raise-her-interest-she.1581485 https://theredarchive.com/post/1581485

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