Why is it the most hideous men that are Ethically Non Monogamous (ENM)?

Superb-Cancel9071 · 2021-08-10T00:05:35+00:00

It's comorbid with "doms" and kinkmeishas. So, a dumpster fire of manipulation and low self esteem and misogyny

08__80 · 2021-08-09T20:09:35+00:00

I don't really know enough about these types of people to give an educated answer, but I'm reminded of that time when I was watching Tiger King, and I was like, wow, this guy married two young straight guys, how does that work?

And my friend was like "With enough baby tigers and meth, you can do anything."

abirdofthesky · 2021-08-09T23:20:00+00:00

Literally so true. In a previous life I went on a date with a guy who was 5’4” and he was of the “ethically non monogamous” type who 1) wanted someone to act like a primary partner while his actual primary was long distance, 2) who would be happy fading when she moved to the city but still available as required, and 3) told me these details on the date and then got angry when afterwards I declined any further dates.

OH and kept buying me drinks after I said I was ok. I highly doubt the “ethical” part of the non monogamous descriptor.

bigsquishycatface · 2021-08-09T22:01:03+00:00

inflated self esteem in the men and low self esteem in the women they chase. this probably explains why many polyamorous people are kinda geeky and not exactly the most socially adept types.

Painfulmenstruation · 2021-08-09T22:59:29+00:00

After they snare that first partner they come to believe they’re hot shit.

However, they want their security fuck so they convince the first woman who chose them to be ethically non-monogamous so he can get validation.

These men are usually late bloomers puberty-wise too and don’t usually have sex until after university.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-08-09T20:19:37+00:00

Lmao this is so true, it’s always been tabletop-game playing, turbo nerds with questionable hygiene. Reminds me of this gem someone posted here recently.

LetsGetin_Formation · 2021-08-10T00:06:51+00:00

And the women are a million times better looking than the man 🤢🤢🤢

millions_ofpeachs4me · 2021-08-10T03:16:42+00:00

I’ve known a few conventionally attractive men going for “ENM.” They all have something else wrong with them that would disqualify them from a relationship with anyone medium to high value - raging narcissism, addiction, attachment issues, they’re with a pickme that they don’t respect at all.

The poly types who are also into BDSM, on the other hand, are universally hideous. I think it’s because they like bullying people they see as weaker/lower status than them, and they know in normal life they’re bottom of the barrel.

sassenachpants · 2021-08-09T22:06:44+00:00

They’re hideous (either physically or mentally) so they had to develop an extra manipulative personality to get what they wanted. Then they realized they couldn’t keep up the lovebombing facade past six months, so the next logical step is to churn through a constant supply.

I have yet to meet a securely attached mentally stable poly dude.

ETA: this actually might explain why so many of them are narcs.

starlight_sequence · 2021-08-09T21:11:48+00:00

I've wondered this too. I have very close friends who are a married couple and who are polyamorous, and a sort of extended social circle through them who are also poly. I love the couple dearly, but their poly-circle are all just... very unattractive people. I don't get it.

None of the more conventionally attractive/desirable people I know seem to have any interest in this arrangement.

Beyond the married couple and their polycule though, I've know about four or five other couples who tried to do poly and ended up divorcing within a year or two.

dollymyfolly · 2021-08-09T23:49:17+00:00

They’re the ones the most desperate for the validation of multiple women.

fknbtch · 2021-08-10T01:29:16+00:00

for real! i went to the website of a swingers resort in florida (i didn't know it was a swingers resort until i was on the page and was surprise grossed out, i was looking for adults only resorts as in no children, not some weird sex stuff.) and you could tell they tried so hard to make it look as sexy as possible to entice more people to visit, with pics of some of their "hottest" guests, but they just looked so sad and just...off. the ladies on there were, too, though they were a little better looking. i think it's all related to self esteem.

insurrectionaryINTJ · 2021-08-09T20:25:16+00:00

Because their shitty, unstable behavior can’t keep a healthy relationship so they try to have multiple sources of “supply” so that when the breakup inevitably happens, they won’t have to deal with how terribly hideous and mediocre they are.

Barkingatthemoon · 2021-08-09T20:02:46+00:00

Because nobody will stay for a long period with them , they know that . Once the hangover clears ;) they get away .

candyfox84 · 2021-08-10T02:27:52+00:00

Oh my gawd these people. Notice how they can’t wait to tell you they’re poly?? Me: “slow down there, I only just learned your name.”

It’s part of their wooing strategy, so they can prove how progressive and attractive they are. The worst part is how defensive they get if you touch the subject, they NEED to cling to the moral high ground with their pathetic arguments.

Poly people are either playing games and attempting to triangulate you with their partner, or they’re no longer attracted or attractive to their current partner but too weak to let go.

blackmetalbetty · 2021-08-09T21:47:08+00:00

Lol noticed this whenever those couples send messages on OLD. The guy is always the dogface and you're just like: I'm not a lesbian or experienced with bisexuality, but I'll take the woman. You can sit in a chair in the corner and face the wall.

thepsychopathhunter · 2021-08-09T21:36:47+00:00

I think about this a lot. It is outrageous how greedy they are when they are lucky to even have one woman interested in them let alone expecting a harem. The hideous ones also tend to be the ones who neg attractive women the most. 🤣 I am sure they’ve built and practiced many manipulative tactics over the years to ensnare and abuse all types of women. They had to, because otherwise no one would care about them.

I didn’t used to speak so ruthlessly about these types, in fact I used to sugarcoat how I felt about their appearance...but knowing how evil they are, my empathy for them is gone. I have none left. 😈

Murder_M1ttens · 2021-08-09T23:27:28+00:00

It's never the people you want to be polyamourous who are polyamourous.

M1nette · 2021-08-10T02:47:48+00:00

I guess maybe because they can't attract the partner they really desire, they compromise by having "relationships" with multiple less than ideal people that they can attract, which raises their self esteem and gives them maybe a greater chance to attract the more desirable mate in the future.

NaoNoaNao · 2021-08-09T22:08:59+00:00

When I had tinder, I was surprised by the amount of unfortunate looking men were in open relationships. Their girlfriends were always attractive too which was doubly shocking. 1. How did you get a beautiful woman in the first place? 2. How did you manage to make her believe you're good enough to share?

Bleh.

liveswithcats1 · 2021-08-10T06:12:52+00:00

Ugh - reminds me of the time I was at a friend's house and mentioned that my previously injured leg was sore and her husband, who, she had confided, was trying to take their relationship poly, disappeared into their bedroom and emerged waving a Hitachi Magic Wand around and asking if it might help my sore leg.

And yes, he was exactly the guy that you look at and think "dude, you are luckly ONE woman will give you the time of day, don't go getting greedy."

I couldn't get out of there fast enough, and that was pretty much the end of the friendship. It was on shaky ground anyway, because she had lectured me a couple of times about how if I wanted to find a partner I really needed to be more flexible about who I would accept. I didn't want to be rude, but man, she was the poster child for why standards are important.

Any_Indication_2754 · 2021-08-10T05:22:38+00:00

New way to say serial cheater.

CCLCCL123 · 2021-08-10T00:39:56+00:00

I hate it when profiles show a conventionally attractive woman just for me to find out that the profile reads,

“Looking for a unicorn for us or another girlfriend for him! We will tell you what we are open to and how we will treat you. No sleepovers. You are not allowed to date other men. Be shaved, please.”

Upon closer inspection, the guy is always hideous and poorly-groomed. ALWAYS. I’m not remotely opposed to ethical non-monogamy or polyamory, but those couples are a huge turn-off.

swivelfishbowl · 2021-08-09T23:41:00+00:00

One of my friends is in a poly house/family, about 10 people somehow integrated in different ways. They took holiday pictures last year, and I was frightened by how ugly they were. It looked like a Rickett's support group.

Pokegirloras · 2021-08-10T03:02:44+00:00

Usually because of FOMO and that they were too ugly to try to have a lot of hookups so they're going to unsuccessfully try again

letthemhavejush · 2021-08-10T07:13:51+00:00

I see this on tinder a lot, I always think “dude, you’re not handsome, smart or in any way attractive to be talking like that”

basilomori · 2021-08-10T06:07:19+00:00

some pretty girl decided to give an ugly bastard a chance , he suddenly thinks he's hot shit , cheats or convinces that poor woman into being poly or having an open relationship. tale as old as time lol

snowfallnight · 2021-08-10T08:14:45+00:00

Yes! Literally swiping on Tinder proves every single open-relationship, “ethically” non-monogamous, polyamorous loser is ugly. Without fail. I think the label might act as an attractant to a certain breed of wild child free spirit hippie type of pickme woman. That’s my only guess, at least

Platipus6 · 2021-08-10T01:46:21+00:00

Because they're so gross, needy and unable to give. Their current partner is trapped somehow (kids, finances, isolated) and her libido is DEAD.

She's happy to outsource him.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2021-08-09T21:18:47+00:00

The Classic:

https://youtu.be/DTsdKycVZZ4

damtiq · 2021-08-10T01:32:51+00:00

My ex of 2 years, seemingly HV for the entirety of the relationship, suddenly broke up with me because he wanted to try polyamory. My ex best friend of 5 years is also poly. Two months post breakup guess what happened :/ they might not be hideous physically but where’s the fucking morals lol. Since then I just steer clear of them all

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-08-10T07:46:09+00:00

The attention of 1 woman means that they get delusional and instantly feel entitled to more. Some crazy Matthew effect.

pugaczalla · 2021-08-10T12:13:37+00:00

I know a guy who recently decided to dab into eThIcAL nOn-MoNoGaMy. He is 37 and has a long string of failed relationships behind him, mostly because he never ‘feels enough spark’ or ‘isn’t madly in love with them like with that one ex when he was in his early twenties’, but he has no problem of wasting women’s time for months or years pretending to be happy with the relationship and using them emotionally and sexually. So, his conclusion was that evidently monogamy doesn’t work for him and it’s time to try open relationships. The trick is, he wants to have a baby within the next two years. He really thinks that he will find a woman who will give birth to his lEgAcY bAbY quite fast into the relationship (~1 year) and who is also eThiCaLly nOn-MoNoGaMoUs. I don’t think that even women in this community are this stupid.

I suggested therapy for his emotional issues and he laughed. Ladies, don’t date eThIcAlLy blah blah men because it’s guaranteed they aren’t emotionally healthy.

sadlibrarian · 2021-08-10T08:48:06+00:00

Lmao literally as soon as I see them, I KNOW

poppy03 · 2021-08-10T21:31:36+00:00

It’s the ugliest guys I swear

Complex-Management-7 · 2021-08-11T10:52:03+00:00

Ethically non-monogamous is a scam and unicorns are mythical creatures.

Talktothecat1 · 2021-08-10T09:09:04+00:00

This is a universal truth.

masterofthebarkarts · 2021-08-09T22:32:04+00:00

I have one extremely hot friend who is polyamorous. Admittedly, he's also neuro-divergent and has a number of things going on that he himself knows make him not a good, monogamous partner. He's very open and honest about this and doesn't use it as a weird excuse to build a harem, so I can't really fault him for it.

But otherwise: YES. A THOUSAND TIMES YES.

puppetspoppets · 2021-08-12T12:08:34+00:00

Bahaha my ex said that he’s polyamorous like it’s not a choice of his. Honey you can’t even keep up a single relationship let alone more than one.

Torrey_not_Kori · 2021-08-14T01:46:11+00:00

They convinced one woman to date them, it went to their head, now they think they're more attractive than they are.

Title	Why is it the most hideous men that are Ethically Non Monogamous (ENM)?
Author	electroloop
Upvotes	817
Comments	113
Date	August 9, 2021 7:55 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/p193xa/why_is_it_the_most_hideous_men_that_are_ethically/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-is-it-the-most-hideous-men-that-are-ethically.849702 https://theredarchive.com/post/849702

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