How does it feel like to be hit on/approached by a creepy guy?

ChadChasingBReturns · 2025-06-22T17:58:27+00:00

Because he actually loves you? Some stranger l’ve never spoken to thinks he loves me? He’s needs a psychiatrist. This isn’t love.

AngeAware · 2025-06-22T19:04:37+00:00

Keep in mind that I was like 19, at my current age I would've just kept walking and ignored him.

First of all, he conveniently pulled up on his bike after my friend and I had just parted ways near my dorm. Could be a coincidence. Maybe not. He asked if I wanted a ride. I said "no thank you" and kept walking. He asked me what my name was. I can't remember if I gave him my real name or lied. He told me he was a grad student, had been watching me around campus, and wanted to get to know me. I told him I wasn't interested. He asked if I was seeing someone. I told him yes (that was a lie). He said he thought I was beautiful and reiterated that he really wanted to get to know me. I repeated that I wasn't interested. He kind of sighed and rode off.

That's the basic gist. I think the way he approached me (do you want a ride) and the fact that this was happening right after my friend left were two things that really set me on edge from the start. The stuff about watching me was the last straw. He wasn't bad-looking but once a dude has set off alarm bells in my head, that's a wrap.

beautyloser · 2025-06-22T17:58:30+00:00

because he actually loves you

He doesn’t love me, he doesn’t know me. He saw what he liked and wanted more of me, whatever that may be for him. If he thinks he loves me before even speaking to me, that’s significantly worse.

Being hit on by a creepy guy feels like danger. The hair on the back of my neck stands up. I feel his eyes on intimate parts of my body as he’s asking my name and if I come here often. I shudder when he touches the small of my back in an overfamiliar way. I lean away, and he feels it and grabs around my waist to keep me from moving further away. It’s like he knows I’m uncomfortable and chooses to ignore it in the hopes it’ll “go away.”

My brain is screaming at me “this man doesn’t see you as a person, he sees you as a means to his own ends.” I can feel it in every word he says. I can tell by the questions he’s asking and the comments he’s making that where I’m from and my favorite color don’t matter to him, he’s thinking about what positions he’d have me in if he could.

My body screams for space. I’m literally itching to get away from them. It comes from a deep primal place in me that has no words but can see they mean me harm (or they intend to gratify themselves at my expense).

leosandlattes · 2025-06-22T18:09:15+00:00

About a month ago I was approached by some man while in the tea/coffee aisle at Whole Foods. He wasn’t weird at first, and generally I’m friendly anyway. It’s not like it’s a man’s fault for not knowing that I’m taken.

He told me he was from New York but was traveling for work and wanted someone to “show him around” the city I live in. I told him I had a boyfriend and I wasn’t interested, and he goes, “It’s alright, everyone in New York has a boyfriend, why don’t you give me your number anyway.”

He stepped up to me, tucked my hair behind my ear, and then squeezed my shoulder. It was like deer in the headlights moment for me where I felt frightened, threatened, and disgusted all at once. That I said no and he violated the boundary anyway. You’re looking for an escape because you feel cornered, it’s awful and uncomfortable and you feel dirty that this interaction even happened.

In the end I just said nothing and walked away. I mean what can you even say? If I get upset, he’s bigger and taller than me and might assault me or something. I’m a small woman, I am not taking that chance. I view him as a predator because that’s what he presented himself as.

HotOutcome9161 · 2025-06-22T18:54:39+00:00

Since I‘m pretty tall for a woman (1,80m) I‘m usually not as afraid of men as smaller women would be. But still, I feel anger and frustration and sometimes also fear being in these situations.

For example, once a guy followed me and talked to me for several killometers. I was going around my local lake. It was early in the morning so there were no other people around. He came from a party and was still a bit drunk. I screamed at him to leave me alone, I tried to run away but he‘d run after me. It‘s so frustrating to feel powerless.

Another situation was this morning. An old guy 60+ was next to me in the bakery. He keept getting closer, stared at my tits (not glanced full on starring) He tried to make small talk but I shut that down.

This is what being creepy to me is, not respecting someones boundaries. I don‘t care about the feelings of creeps. I still wish I could have drowned the first guy.

attendquoi · 2025-06-22T18:34:11+00:00

Whether he's creepy or not, I don't welcome it. I don't date strangers, so any random man approaching me is going to get rejected. He's now a problem I have to deal with.

Also, claiming you love someone you don't know makes you sound unhinged.

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-06-22T17:56:55+00:00

Do you ever come across an event that you are not involved in, and really want to not be involved in? For example, you see two dogs fighting and you think "I hope those two aggressive dogs don't notice me and turn that aggression toward me!"

That's something akin to what it feels like to be approached by a creep. There is a person here who might just be socially awkward, but also might be a threat. He might feel entitled to your time and attention, and take personal offense to you not giving it. To him, you not giving your time is akin to punching him in the face, so he feels that you deserve to be made just as unhappy and in pain as you "made him feel".

(And no, if I don't even know him or I am uncomfortable about him, it is impossible for him to love me. He only "loves" a fantasy of me in his head.)

The problem women face, is that when he confronts you, you know that he is now paying attention to you. You are on his radar. He's just some random face to you, but to him, you are the specific woman who "punched him in the face". That's what it feels like. It feels like you walked past a pair of aggressive dogs fighting in the street, and then suddenly the two dogs stop and stare at you.

oppositegeneva · 2025-06-22T18:05:03+00:00

There’s really only one way a guy can come off as genuinely creepy to me if I’ve never met him and he’s just cold approaching me

And that’s excessive staring.

One time I was on the city bus and this guy literally stared at me, for 15+ minutes (I started timing it after 5). Quick nervous glances here and there are fine and can even be endearing, but this made me incredibly uncomfortable.

Just uninterrupted staring, not smiling, just an unreadable expression. He eventually tried to sit next to me and asked for my number, I told him I was uninterested, he persisted, I told him I had a bf, he said “your boyfriend doesn’t let you have friends?” and then I told him “no he doesn’t”. He got off the bus soon after.

I felt really gross afterwards, I do anytime a man stares at me for an unreasonable amount of time.

I get cold approached quite frequently when I’m out alone or with just my kids and I don’t really care, I just let them know I’m taken and they usually take it fine, the ones that persist can be annoying but overall they’re harmless.

MyLastBestChance · 2025-06-22T18:00:09+00:00

“He actually loves you”?🙄

Pretty sure “actual love” isn’t what motivates men to hit on women…

Also choosing not to engage with a stranger who approaches you isn’t a “horrible humiliation ritual”. Choosing to shut that person down hard when they don’t take a soft refusal is also not a “horrible humiliation ritual”.

Women have been verbally abused, assaulted, raped, disfigured, stalked, killed by creepy men who hit on them, so I’d say it ranges from uncomfortable and awkward to deadly.

alreadydark · 2025-06-22T19:59:07+00:00

I'm gonna exclude the incident where a guy started chasing me because that belongs on a thread about crime.

Other than that, the worst experience I've had was when I was about 16 and some grown man approached me on the sidewalk . (I mean I guess this is also criminal but it's not like he knew I was 16). This was during the day, but the street was otherwise desolate. This was a long time ago so I don't remember the exact words, but he just started asking me things directly like if I had a boyfriend and if I wanted a boyfriend. Stuff like that. I just sort of shyly kept saying no, avoided eye contact, and prayed he would leave me alone soon. He kept asking and then at a certain point pulled out his wallet, showed me cash, and tried putting it in my hand.

I don't remember how it ended exactly. I guess he just eventually gave up or maybe I started walking too fast. But I remember being deeply distressed. The event played through my mind for the next several days and I sort of had a pit in my stomach. I felt so small and powerless, I felt like I should have done something. Like I should have started yelling or told him to fuck off, but I didn't, and it made me feel pathetic, and it made me feel like if things escalated I wouldn't have done anything about it.

It's just disturbing to face someone who just sees you as a piece of meat to be bought, and it's disturbing to know there's nothing you can do about it. If he just asked once and I said no I would have forgot that this even happened. But it wasn't enough for me to say no. I had to say it again and again and again. It's deeply disturbing to know that your words don't really mean much. Me saying no doesn't mean no. It's just an obstacle to try and circumvent.

If that's love, I don't want it

S0yslut · 2025-06-22T18:56:44+00:00

What??? If I have determined you are creepy then you have done 1, 2 or all 3 of these things: 1. made me a sexual display against my will 2. Don’t know who you are or 3. made me feel unsafe. Abuse isn’t love. I do not scare easily I worked with criminals and I didn’t always have cell service or other people around to rely on for protection. So if I describe someone as creepy they made me feel fear or harassed me while I was isolated. It’s also sick that you seem curious for women to talk to you in detail about their harassment stories and gaslight people about what love is..

Crafty_Note397 · 2025-06-22T22:46:44+00:00

It’s like aggressively being approached by a used car salesman when you weren’t even shopping for a car that day except that your safety is literally in danger

alphamaker420 · 2025-06-22T18:57:39+00:00

I generally don't think of people as creepy until they do something over the top and prove they are. I'm pretty open to talking to anyone and everyone who approaches me but certain scenarios make alarm bells go off like old men hanging around parking lots who stare at me or yell. I'm usually not as cautious as I should be and it's like a fight in my head between assuming the best and assuming the worst for my own safety because I've been through shit before.

When a man shows himself to be a creep, the feeling is pure fear and I get a fight/flight/freeze/fawn response. I'm a tiny woman who's never been in a fight before and I know that any man can easily overpower me. It's not as bad (still bad) if I'm in public or with other people but I'm aware of the bystander effect. It's scary.

I was having polite conversation with an older man on the bus a couple of months ago and I noticed in the lulls between us talking when I'd look away he kept starting at me and smiling. I played it down in my head. We talked about his kids who are older then me and then he asked me for my number and I declined. After that I kept my responses short to try to end the conversation but he kept talking to me. I was heading home from work and I have to walk to my house from the bus stop in the dark and there usually isn't anyone else around. There's always a worry that someone could get off at the same stop as me and easily pull me behind a building or something. Luckily that didn't happen and he got off before my stop but there's always that worry because there's not really anything I could do to defend myself if someone does try something. I try to stay vigilant.

Another time a few years ago I was walking down the sidewalk after leaving a bar and a guy that was out there stood in my way and started asking me if I was single and saying I looked good. He asked for my number and I told him I had a bf but the guy was like "he doesn't have to know". I told him no thank you and tried to walk away but he stood in my path and kept asking. I went to walk in the other direction and he came around and blocked me again. I felt trapped and afraid so I gave him my number and he wouldn't let me leave until he called my number to confirm I didn't give him a fake. Then he finally let me go and was like "I'll talk to you later, you're going to answer right?" I looked over my shoulder the whole way home to make sure he wasn't following me. Stuff like that is scary. I feel like I'm in danger. Men who don't take no for an answer and can easily overpower you are scary.

I met a guy from tinder that I hung out with here and there who I told I just wanted to be friends because he kept pushing me to have sex with him and I didn't want to. Forced my hand on his dick once. I told him I didn't want to hang out with him anymore because he was too pushy and he kept insisting he'd stop. I hung out with one more time like an idiot and he didn't stop so I cut it off and blocked him. He started calling me from different numbers. The last time I talked to him he said he was driving by my street (I never told him where I lived) and asked if he could come to my place. I hung up on him and stopped answering unknown numbers completely.

Just regular awkward men who approach me are fine. I never mind just having a conversation with them. I've had guys like that ask for my number and stuff and I politely decline and just keep up a conversation. I've been out dancing before and had awkward guys hit on me and I turn them down and sometimes just stay and chat until my friends come get me to get back on the floor and I invite them to come hang out and dance. It's only creepy and scary when they get mad or follow me around.

Thank you for making this post. I made the other one and was hoping someone would ask women as well.

JadeGrapes · 2025-06-22T22:11:15+00:00

Most women aren't going to answer this question.

I'm sorry to inform you, the worst experiences of 1/3 of the women in your life include being attacked physically in a sexualized way.

If you include your Mom, Grandma, and Sister... statistically at least one will have a story about being molested or raped.

I know what you are thinking, yeah... but 1/3 of the guys aren't rapists or anything... Thats correct. The average rapist or child molester has a "career" of 60 victims.

So your local "handsy" businessman has assaulted dozens if women... That one college friend who took "jokes" too far? Got your cousin so drunk she woke up sore and told no one. Grandma had to threaten to screen loud enough to bring in the hired help to get her father-in-law to stop trying to corner her.

It's literally all around you, it's just the way your brain works you don't "feel" like it counts... because thats just your neighbor the accountant, or the guy you used to hangout with in middle school, or that thing with Great-grandpa was like 70 years ago... so that's not still a thing... or that guy was so drunk he didn't know what HE was doing, or he probably sent THAT picture as a joke... or she knows "I would never hurt her"...

It is that bad. He did mean it. It was that man women. Even one time counts. Chill dudes ARE capable of that. You personally, yourself may have crossed the line... Guys reading this stuff will use it for their spank bank... it's not fun and sexy. Its demoralizing and dehumanizing.

EulenWatcher · 2025-06-22T18:46:06+00:00

The idea is that a person approaches you because they love is is absolutely delusional. You do not love strangers nor you love people you aren't close to. It's infatuation at most, desire to harass at worst.

To give you an example: a taxi driver tried to flirt with me. He was probably over 40, and I was around 17-18. He asked why I was going to a women health clinic (it was shown as the destination address), asked whether I was pregnant and dating anyone. It was utterly bizarre, and I had to leave his car after he started saying things like "you're so young, you shouldn't date just young guys, you need to try someone older and more experienced". It was absolutely ridiculous and didn't feel safe to stay in the car with him.

Less extreme example not with a stranger: my classmate invited me to his place under the premise that there would be other people and we'd be doing our group project. I had rejected him prior to that. When I came, there were only two of us, and even his parents weren't there. He tried to forcefully kiss me and carry to his parents' bedroom. I had to flee his place without even tying my shoelaces. Then he proceeded to try and guilt trip me into dating him for weeks until our graduation.

chalkandapples · 2025-06-22T22:02:27+00:00

Mostly scared. Creepy itself is a feeling that stems from fear, so if I feel creeped out for whatever reason, there has to be some level of fear.

I would never reject a creepy guy harshly, since I'm scared so I normally try to leave the situation quickly and peacefully.

solely because he actually loves you

This is a scary sentiment. Because there's no way he actually loves me, he might be attracted to me but he doesn't love me. No one actually loves someone else they barely know anything about. However, if they perceive it as love, they can do a lot of irrational things because of it. I believe most people want to be good, very few people want to hurt you just to be mean. A lot of things that hurt other people are often justified as well-meaning and harmless to the perpetrator. "I'm doing this because I love you" while the feeling is actually not love can be such a justification.

LaFrescaTrumpeta · 2025-06-22T22:40:44+00:00

in case you’re interested in this one, i had a guy walk up to me and my gf at the time at a college party back in 2015 and say “so… lesbians huh? cool, cool, ya know i don’t support gay marriage but-“ and proceeded to try to talk his way into a threesome. wouldn’t listen to us when we said not interested, someone else had to step in and pull him away. felt about 90% disrespected/annoyed as fuck, 10% intimidated/anxious that an altercation was gonna happen and it wouldn’t have been the first time a guy took my masc presentation as a target to fight. just glad to say it ended peacefully and we never saw him again but yeah, lovely time lol.

Tylikcat · 2025-06-22T23:38:33+00:00

As I've mentioned elsewhere, I travel in part in pretty nerdy circles. I've had a number of awkward men ask me out or express interest. ("Hit on" doesn't seem like the right word - it sounds both more skilled and more aggressive than these guys.) Often, these were guys I at least vaguely knew. Most of the interactions weren't creepy, and went something like this:

"Would you, uh, like to get dinner sometime?" (It wasn't always dinner, but whatever.)

"No, thanks." or sometimes, "Not interested." Often with a sympathetic half-smile.

And that was it. Which is what made them not creepy. (And often I made a point of acting exactly the same towards them.) Awkward doesn't mean creepy, creepy doesn't mean awkward. I know too many folks on the spectrum who have never been creepy in their lives not to side-eye those guys who are assholes and then claim it's because they're autistic.

As implied, the most basic way to be creepy is to keep after me after I've said no. Now, I'm lucky here in that I'm both tall and well muscled, and I'm a martial artist (and generally known as such in my social circles - though I was only just starting out as such in my teens). Most men in most situations don't strike me as a physical threat, though that doesn't mean I want them following me around, trying to chat me up after I've said no, or trying to touch me.

A lot of guys won't stop with the no. And really, there's no way for it to end well after that. There's the follow you and harangue you guys. Which has some overlap with the guys who start going on about how you're a bitch, ugly, fat, whatever. (Five seconds after they were saying how beautiful you were. Really, I did not ask for any of this.) So there you are, with some stranger screaming at you on the street. All of this only convinces me that they're awful people and I want nothing to do with them, BTW.

Then you have the ones who try to touch you. This was a big shock for me when I moved to Ohio, because all the sudden all these random guys were touching me. Ew! And while sometimes it was just annoying (older guys putting their hands on the small of my back to lead me around - paternalistic, not hitting on), there were also guys who tried to ask me out, and then tried to take hold of my arm when I told them no. I spent more than a little while wondering if I would manage to finish my doctorate before I dislocated someone's elbow. (Mind you, back when I was at Microsoft I went to more than a few semi-mandatory events where guys tried to touch me after they'd drunk a bit too much. I'm talking things like coming up behind, giving me half a hug and grabbing my boob - not just casual touch but trying to feel me up. And I put them in joint locks, and all the guys who worked for me pointed and laughed, and generally I got a reputation as someone not to try that shit on. Tech in the nineties, I tell ya.)

Then there are the ones who try to maneuver you into a corner or up against a wall. I get less of this than many women do, because I'm taller, have a rep as a martial artist... and also, because I'm really aware of guys do this, and don't let them. (One of my girlfriends used to tease me because whenever we went out I picked a seat with my back to the wall and a good view of the door. I'd never even thought about it. Situational awareness is pretty deeply ingrained.)

Then there are the ones who follow you. This always strikes me as creepy, a bit more so than the ones who just shut up after you've told them no. I think it's partly because I've been stalked before and I wonder if they're trying to figure out where I live or work. But also, it's just obnoxious. I *left*. Leave me alone.

(Dear gods, this is exceeding one comment. But then, I'm older than most of you and have been through a lot.)

p_fulga · 2025-06-22T18:38:17+00:00

Anyone's entitled to love in silence all they want. Just because someone likes things about me doesn't mean they're entitled to my attention and affection.

I've dealt with people who did this shit. Someone who thought I looked and dressed nice and then decided to just saying comments about my body and trying to offer me a ride or get me to divulge personal information. Or the meth head who followed me around and forced a phone number out of me when I refused. The "friend" who offered a place to stay when it was freezing and snowing and then did things to me I didn't want no matter how hard I refused. The guy who just seemed two faced when I realized he wasn't picking me for every topic in class just because he liked our conversations, but because he liked me, who proceeded to get so creepy that he tracked down my personal contact information to try and confess to me. Or the guy who stalked me in my old place of work and tried to figure out whatever info he could about me from coworkers.

I don't need to be nice to someone when they behave like this just because they like me someway. They're not entitled to a positive response and respect when I'm not being given it myself.

ExcitementLow4699 · 2025-06-22T18:05:53+00:00

Yesterday at the gym, and older man approached me to ask about my barefoot shoes (vibrams.) I took out my headphones initially because I thought he was going to say something about me being in his way or similar. I answered his questions pleasantly because I love to preach the benefits of barefoot footwear, though it was difficult to focus on what he was saying because his eyes weren't going in the same direction. After a few back and forths I was ready to return to my workout.

Then he asked me what I was training for (general military fitness), and he made this face... I don't know how to describe it. Like shock, surprise, "damn girl!" type face. He started talking about how I must be so disciplined and how he is too, and how lonely that lifestyle is, and that's why he's single... At which point I started fiddling with my wedding ring, hoping he would get the hint. He asked if I was married, and I said I was, and that's my husband over there (I pointed).

He promptly went to greet my husband, clapping him on the back and chatting for a minute. Apparently they were acquaintances as a result of being regulars. I overheard "I didn't know she was your wife!" My husband just nodded and went back to his set.

I wouldn't describe him as creepy, though I definitely felt uncomfortable. A little, tiny bit flattered, but mostly uncomfortable. I wondered if he was trying to apologize, in a way, to my husband for talking to me, which is a weird concept to me.

Practical-Monk1586 · 2025-06-22T23:20:46+00:00

Very context dependent, but in this case scenario, it’s a “creepy guy,” so I’d say I perceive/feel/react in 1 of 2 ways….

1.) Feel the fight, flight freeze or fawn mode ACTIVATED and adapt to protect myself.

Or

2.) Feel annoyed, frustrated, inconvenienced, dismissive and bothered.

Happy to share personal examples for both “camps” if interested. Got plenty of em lol

TheCounsellingGamer · 2025-06-23T03:56:52+00:00

Someone who is a complete stranger coming up to you and saying they love you is scary. Imagine that there was someone significantly bigger and stronger than you. You know that realistically, if they were to attack you, there'd be fuck all you could do. Then imagine that this person comes up to you out of nowhere and says they've been watching you and they love you.

Would you be flattered, or would you be frightened?

Demasii · 2025-06-22T18:47:23+00:00

I was line dancing and drinking at a country club. A man approached and introduced himself. He told me that he has been interested in me for awhile because he seen me around the dorms and that I'm very different from the other women because I'm not sleeping around with any guys.

My first reaction was an image of this man with binoculars in the bushes by my dorm room watching me go in and out. I wasn't actually creeped out at that point because it was such a bizarre thing to say and caught me off guard.

He mentioned he was moving away in about a month. I took that info to tell him that I'm only interested in long term relationships but I'm flattered (not really) and good luck with his move.

What creeped me out was he got physically close with his face slightly cocked to one side and staring at me intensely. Told me that he really would like my phone number and whether I can change my mind. That fucking creeped me out.

A week or two later he asked my coworker about me and explained that I misunderstood his intent. Misunderstood my ass. The man wanted some last second rendezvous to play out some weird missed connection fantasy.

Axis_Control · 2025-06-23T09:13:35+00:00

He's infatuated with an idea of me he's created in his mind.

I'd frankly be scared especially if he has been stalking me in some way or been already rejected by me.

Body language is pretty obvious, I'd be concerned he would ignore obvious body language that I'm uncomfortable as well.

Sophiatab · 2025-06-23T19:14:47+00:00

It feels like someone dumped a bucket of pig shit on my head and said I deserved only the worse most degrading experiences in life because I was one of the worst persons that ever existed. And it makes me angry, incredibly angry that some creepy guy thought he had a right to disturb me.

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Financial_Leave4411 · 2025-06-22T18:48:01+00:00

It doesn’t matter what the odds are that “he’s just an idiot that can’t see the cues” because it’s a survival mechanism in women’s lizard brain that is screaming at them that they don’t want to become a statistic.

Also what you’re describing isn’t love; it’s lust and lust from men is dangerous.

Title	How does it feel like to be hit on/approached by a creepy guy?
Author	DotherOfLife
Upvotes	7
Comments	194
Date	June 22, 2025 5:49 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1lhtyuz/how_does_it_feel_like_to_be_hit_onapproached_by_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-does-it-feel-like-to-be-hit-onapproached-by-a.1555285 https://theredarchive.com/post/1555285

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