Leagues within dating are only for men

IceC19 · 2025-05-08T11:46:28+00:00

Most tall doctors in their 30s are not, I mean, are NOT going to date some fat, unattractive, gas station worker. They're probably dating some attractive woman who's similarly educated or a looksmatched doctor.

I don't completely desbelieve your story, but that's more an exception than the rule, obviously.

howitwillbe · 2025-05-08T11:57:55+00:00

Everyone is so busy analysing the fuck out of dating, they forget about love.

Maybe she's fat but keeps the lights on during sex and smiles? Maybe they enjoy eating the same foods together while chatting about the news? Maybe he gets home tired and hates cleaning, and she literally picks up his bag that he's just thrown on the floor.

From the outside of my marriage I look the more emotionally unstable one, but my husband actually has hoarding disorder (he doesn't even throw trash, and I have to inspect his car every 3 days to remove stuff), inability to decide food (he'll eat ice cream for dinner) etc.

I'm a minimalist that is 100% in charge of cleaning (I give him safe spaces to keep boxes of things as long as it's hygienic), I cook food and balance his diet and he appreciates it. You don't know what is going on at the intimate level.

There's ALOT of variables in a relationship, it's not just height + age + salary = alpha male.

Thatshygurl · 2025-05-08T13:29:39+00:00

Women offer more than men, so the tables have finally turned now. Yes, leagues may exist in your mind, but only for men. This is due to the fact that modern men have very little to offer.

But in your example the women that you describe don’t seem to be bringing much to the table when compared to their partners. First woman works at a gas station and is overweight, yet dating and attractive well paid man. The second one has a menial job as well and has a kid(you didn’t mention looks so maybe she’s really attractive), but got in your words a HVM. By your own description the men in these scenarios are bringing wealth/stability and good looks. What are these women bringing to the table that I am missing?

kratomphysician · 2025-05-08T11:43:55+00:00

That gas station lady must have a particular set of……skills

Vikklee · 2025-05-08T12:28:19+00:00

It’s almost like people date who they like, regardless of what “league” theyre in. What a shocker.

modidlee · 2025-05-08T13:46:09+00:00

Women don’t “offer more.” The men in your examples probably just have low self esteem and those women worship them and boost their ego. Most men don’t like to work hard for a woman. A lot of men, even accomplished men, don’t have game and aren’t naturally good with women. So they’re constantly in a desperation mode when it comes to women. So the woman that makes being with her easy for him is who he’ll often pick. The overweight gas station chick is probably giving that doctor the freakiest sex he’s ever had in his life and catering to him like he’s a king. The same thing with the clothing store girl with the finance guy. But let a more beautiful woman who’s actually a match looks wise and status wise come along and treat those men the same way and see what happens lmao

When a woman fails to get the type of man she wants it’s usually because she’s too arrogant to stroke the man’s ego and be a “pick me” for him. When you see women with men that people would say are “higher value” than them it’s usually because they’re going above and beyond to make that man feel like he’s a king.

PB-French-Toast-9641 · 2025-05-08T11:47:28+00:00

You can cherry pick examples however you want

My dentist is a reasonably attractive, tall blonde woman, and she's married to and has kids with a very average looking, normalish height Hispanic electrician

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2025-05-08T19:08:55+00:00

sounds like some fantasy. i am around a lot of successful men due to my career and in general in my friend circle. none of them date and marry overweight single moms. whoever a woman can attract for long-term relationships is who's in her league but to think that bottom of the barrel women have access to top of the line men?

i think you're the one dealing with delusions. go to any female subreddit and see how they talk about dating. a lot of women struggle finding a man they consider their equal for long-term commitment. handsome HVM are not lining up to date any women they can get. it makes no sense from a pure numbers perspective either. we talk about a fraction of the male population that is somehow supposed to be available to the majority of women? how does this work.

luckforeveryone · 2025-05-08T15:01:41+00:00

Stop lying, you're not a man. Only a woman would use two nitpicked examples to prove her narrative.

Leagues will always exist. Humans subconsciously rank others based on a hierarchy. Men and women both do this.

It's the reason why married couples tend to be more looksmatched, outside of the obvious outliers.

Intelligent-Insight · 2025-05-08T23:10:12+00:00

Here are two cherry-picked examples that are picked specifically to not include something. Now where's that something you're talking about here? Oh, it's not here? Then you're wrong.

Like seriously, some of you don't math or logic and it shows, typing posts like that or seriously entertaining them.

Batiatus07 · 2025-05-09T03:26:04+00:00

Dude made up a scenario with his friend and the gas station worker. I call bullshit on that 10/10 times

OffTheRedSand · 2025-05-08T12:04:10+00:00

how do you know these guys are above the league of these women? is it because of their job and money? or is it based on looks?

because if it's about money, men even in here always say they don't care about that when it comes to women. i'm sure some men do care but generally, most men don't. so leagues when it comes to money is not that importnant. maybe in status it does.

when it comes to looks, here is where things get muddy. looks are subjective. sure there are a couple of objective ratings but when it comes to relationships and dating and as you said "marriage" looks are important but also subjective.

cute guys to you might not be cute guys to women. average guys to you might be hot and cute to women.

clearly these couples like each other's looks since it's leading to marriage. so you saying "he's hotter than her" is irrelevant since she's hot to him, his opinion is what's important.

Waxico · 2025-05-08T16:24:00+00:00

Wow bro, you provided two anecdotes. Our ideas are totally deboonked now, good job 👍

Certain_Process_7657 · 2025-05-09T03:35:36+00:00

I think these are fringe cases but my best guess would be that these are pretty socially awkward men who haven't tried or had much luck with dating for the majority of their life. These women probably give a mean blowjob and cook for them.

For some guys, all it really takes is the good ol "keep my stomach full and balls empty". That's literally all they need.

AlphaEcho971 · 2025-05-08T11:48:18+00:00

If you're attractive enough, leagues don't exist. This is why I advice men to looksmaxx as much as possible.

Jaeger__85 · 2025-05-08T12:05:51+00:00

Just look at the spouses of the average tall young doctor. Almost noone will have an overweight below average gasstation spouse and the ones that do likely have been together since highschool.

_H_a_c_k_e_r_ · 2025-05-08T13:08:17+00:00

Wow you know so many women. You are really bad at imitating a man.

qwertyuduyu321 · 2025-05-08T14:25:28+00:00

Leagues within dating are only for men

In other words...

"I know a 6'4 Asian guy named Chan. Therefore, I conclude that most men of Chinese descent are very tall, similar to Chan."

Anecdotal evidence > Empirical evidence.

PlainTundra · 2025-05-08T11:41:21+00:00

And then everyone clapped.

Nervous_Designer_894 · 2025-05-08T13:40:10+00:00

If this is the case, these men really should just go to another country.

QuiteBlurry · 2025-05-08T13:45:18+00:00

Your recent posts seem to be more confessional than anything, wrapped in how dating is difficult for men (this thread and the "replaceable one), and the one about how men being bitter about women's dating prospects being better than men's.

Why not just own these issues? Like you worry about becoming increasingly bitter. You wince a little when you see women you think are nothing special with men you think have it all together.

The veil is quite thin, and we can see you clearly through it.

mathbinja · 2025-05-08T21:02:02+00:00

Doc is either not real or out of his mind

preferablyno · 2025-05-08T22:33:36+00:00

Nobody is saying dating leagues are an iron law of dating. They are just general trends

midnight_blue77 · 2025-05-09T03:54:35+00:00

You are not owed relationship or sex.

Why would any man ever say such an obvious male thing to other men? As if he doesn't know that that's how all men feel and think by default. Hmm. 🤔

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-05-09T08:58:34+00:00

Leagues are a concept of averages. Of course there are exceptions because of different weightings of traits. That 34yo doctor might have a severe case of autism, or a sexual fetish that makes him incompatible with most others in his league. He might have a childhood trauma that makes him attracted to lost cases and trashy women. Who the fuck knows. The individual case does not define or break the concept of leagues.

Leagues guide you to people who have a good chance to be suitable partners. They do not absolutely define the spectrum of people who might be into you. The problem with rejecting leagues is, that you might end up going for people where there is 0.00x% chance to be a match, instead of a 1% chance, for people in your league. Sure, couples who are very inequal in the eyes of society (average value again) do happen, but specifically going for unlikely partners will not be a recipe for success.

When people argue with leagues, they argue about PROBABILITY.

Your league is the interval around your own market value (which again, is an average value of how people in the dating pool interact/view you). You might be a 4 for someone and a 6 for another. The concept of leagues loosely defines the range around your average value, that results in a reasonable chance to be a mutual match and relationship candidate for each other.

Equivalent-Pie-7148 · 2025-05-08T11:41:29+00:00

I don't know how to interpret this tbh.

Are you saying that the concept of "leagues" is a model that shouldn't be used?

Or are you saying that only men are affected by that model? (And if so, are you saying that's a good thing or bad thing here?)

AnxiousPeggingSlut · 2025-05-08T13:05:09+00:00

The problem with leagues is that they ignore individual preferences

One person’s 3/10 is another’s 10/10.

s0000n · 2025-05-08T12:05:31+00:00

Most people according to research date in their league at least in looks.

This is nicki haley daughter. She is at least 6 and loaded. Her husband look like a nerd to me I would rate him 4 according to my taste. And he is football coach in high school yet they're together

Lana dey rey is good looking. I would rate her 6 and her husband 4 and she is popular pop star while he is middle class and he is 17 year older. So she is also dating down in age

https://preview.redd.it/x18kl1mitjze1.jpeg?width=194&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f0bc9e9a3d41f93f6894941cdc240f0944d8bcac

Nicki haley daughter and her husband

NeoKlang · 2025-05-08T12:23:52+00:00

It's advantages for a woman being agreeable, submissive, loyal and low body count

AutoModerator · 2025-05-08T11:36:49+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2025-05-08T11:36:49+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

SadMouse410 · 2025-05-08T12:45:26+00:00

Yes you’re correct. It is a fear tactic.

r2k398 · 2025-05-08T13:26:47+00:00

Maybe they just want someone who they can trust to be faithful and not necessarily the hottest woman they can find. I’ve known a lot of very beautiful women that I wouldn’t date in a million years.

soyspagetti · 2025-05-08T13:30:19+00:00

Any possible motivation that makes people pursue people who are much lower in value is not gonna look pretty. There is a reason why mothers and fathers send their daughters to college and not to the nearest gas station.

leosandlattes · 2025-05-08T13:31:57+00:00

Most people are in their league, like statistically. The most common relationship for doctors is other doctors or professionals in the medical field. Same with lawyers and their field.

My bf and I both work in tech, both are 6-figure earners. Not fat, both active, and I think we are both around average in looks if you use the true rate me scale. We are both childless too. Most couples I know don’t have a significant difference in both social class and looks.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-05-08T14:31:09+00:00

Leagues always exist. You are just arguing that the leagues are different than men think they are.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-05-08T14:47:39+00:00

Assortative mating says otherwise

petellapain · 2025-05-08T15:49:01+00:00

Telling men to become tall doctors just to have a chance with an overweight post fertile woman is beyond cruel. It doesn't sound genuine, even if it's based on a few real anecdotes. Men should pursue the best options available to them just like women do. What people like to avoid acknowledging is that men can find far better options in other countries

Terrible_Lift · 2025-05-08T20:19:57+00:00

As a man with a very independent gf who requires nothing from me personally besides my own ability to be independent and to be a caring partner, I would give this an award if I wanted to pay Reddit.

Very well said. Women don’t need men the way they used to, but we’re biologically driven to need women more. You need to bring more to the table than a job and the ability to say hi.

RandomAttackHelpMe · 2025-05-08T20:45:06+00:00

I have more to say about this but can’t say it all right now do I will say this: Why do they those things? Cause everyone else went on and on and about “equality”. Plus yes, there is something no a lot about having this general baseline sense of appreciation and then noticing a lack of it

Melodic_Structure928 · 2025-05-08T20:58:35+00:00

This is the exception not the rule kind of speech. I'm not the kind of guy to claim your lying and your lives experience is all in your head, however you should be aware that that's not super common.

Then again I will, admit I've never heard this story the other way around ever. Where the fat divorced, single dad gets the attractive amd wealthy women afterwards. But I do think that has to do with men being significantly less picky then the other way around, so while the chances exist unlike for men you probably shouldn't bank on it.

Proudvow · 2025-05-08T21:24:15+00:00

improve yourself to the point where you are actually qualified to have one by having more to offer her and actually improve her life.

Drop the hypocrisy. You're telling men to improve while explictly opposing women being told to improve.

JoshyJay95 · 2025-05-09T04:51:23+00:00

"Women offer then men." Yeah, I'm not sure this is the case in both your examples here.. but go on.

3stun · 2025-05-09T10:57:02+00:00

Interesting, what are women bringing to the table in your opinion that wouldn't be cheaper and easier for men to get elsewhere?

upalse · 2025-05-09T11:42:07+00:00

Dudes just have no standards and are just dumpster diving for LTR rather than be alone, what else is new.

Commercial-Shallot-5 · 2025-05-09T20:18:05+00:00

This is not surprising at all. Men do no care about status if they see a woman they find a attractive she could be scrubbing toilets the man would still give her a shot

Standard-Werewolf769 · 2025-05-11T10:42:37+00:00

You are missing the biggest point: sex and even relationships are strongly linked with validation for men. Having sex and a girlfriend makes us "real men", not having them no. So, leagues are about avoiding rejection from people who we consider above us. Its a self protecting process more than anything else. I consider a lot of people out of my league and that is fine.

I dont think is a way to control women or to "put them into their place", is much more "if this girl i consider into my league doesnt like me, how ugly am i?" And the whole making a huge effort to become better is absolutely valid, a lot of people find that insulting, precisely becaise if they need to make that effort they are more below than a lot of people. So sometimes its not even the woman in a huge league, you are the one in such an "amateurish" league that almost everyone else seems "above" you.

but mostly the league thing is a way to avoid rejection, like most things are. Rejection "invalidate" us as men so we tend to avoid it. Thats where leagues come.

Background_Ad5821 · 2025-05-11T14:37:02+00:00

Post history tells me you’re a man hating liar.

Jebaibai · 2025-05-14T06:53:59+00:00

We are all individuals. Some people choose to go against the grain and it's their prerogative. It takes a strong minded person to do this though.

I've noticed that it bothers a lot of people, (both men and women) when an eligible man marries a woman who is older, has kids, or is overweight. There's a plus size woman on TikTok who gets harassed by women because of her hot husband. You can bet that the same women are in his inbox 😆

Gilmoregirlin · 2025-05-08T13:38:19+00:00

As a woman I agree totally and have gotten into quite a few debates with men on here about this. They keep saying I am a 7 and I should date at least 7s, but women are like no you are a 2 and the guy you think is a 2 is actually a 9. I think it comes from men's desire to have an objective level of measurement but that's just not how women work.

Horror_Set_2311 · 2025-05-08T12:57:46+00:00

"Women offer more than men"

What, exactly? I constantly hear this, but I've never had anyone actually list a single thing women offer that men don't

Ill-Success-7770 · 2025-05-09T00:03:55+00:00

Let those guys settle for those women I don't care. Just means more attractive women for me.

Alternative-Dream-61 · 2025-05-08T12:18:25+00:00

I, too, can find exceptions to every rule.

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2025-05-08T12:14:04+00:00

Leagues in dating only have to do with looks.

Now tell your story to the women who claim hypergamy isn't real, most couples have the same socioeconomic background, and women frequently out earn their partners.

RecognitionSoft9973 · 2025-05-09T21:56:37+00:00

I don't believe your made up anecdotes.

Yes, leagues may exist in your mind, but only for men

No they don't. I can't get a date with a man who has the same interests as me from dating apps and I don't discriminate based on height. I'm now giving up on approaching men entirely. Before you ask, yes, I did try to approach men on dating apps but they never responded to my messages. When I was sending messages I did not consider league or attractiveness at the time, only mutual interests. I literally didn't even look at images, just bios for keywords based on hobbies. I sent messages based on that to try and engage them. It didn't work. Now I know to stay in my league when looking for a relationship.

When you're genuinely ugly, leagues matter, unless you have something to offer your partner in return.

This is due to the fact that modern men have very little to offer. Women can afford to and should be picky

This is such a dumb and reductionist take.

Why should a woman date someone in their "league" who is "matched", when they can get someone way better? Why would they settle for the bare minimum that a lot of these men offer?

Because I literally can't and even if I did, I'm not dumb enough to believe that it would work out. You're just asking to get cheated on. Only couples who are similar in looks will work out. Key exception being ugly, but successful men with attractive women. By successful, I mean successful to her.

Before anyone accuses me of being a woman who is coping. I am a man.

Congrats on creating a nice piece of ragebait, it triggered me too (an FA woman)

Title	Leagues within dating are only for men
Author	OndeVerge
Upvotes	25
Comments	196
Date	May 8, 2025 11:36 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1khnvs0/leagues_within_dating_are_only_for_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/leagues-within-dating-are-only-for-men.1551910 https://theredarchive.com/post/1551910

Comments