Nevermind red flags, what's your biggest yellow flag?

onirroc · 2022-11-06T12:51:36+00:00

I always said never date a woman into astrology, witchy shit, crystals etc.

Then I met my wife and she's one of the most intelligent and educated women I know but she's into all of those things.

I looked past it because I was so infatuated with her and I'm glad I did. She trusts modern medicine and science. The other shit is basically just a hobby she does with her friends, it doesn't affect our marriage or her parenting or her career, so I don't care.

riceweight · 2022-11-06T15:57:05+00:00

Doesn’t know how to cook. It really depends on your life growing up as well as how many years you’ve been living without your parents. At 22, men around my age range who don’t know how to cook is a little sus, but acceptable if they’re actively learning. On the flip side, men who are INCREDIBLE cooks at my age range gain a lot of sexy points. Ngl I once got aroused at how precisely my date was chopping onions.

Meihuajiancai · 2022-11-06T13:09:45+00:00

A consistent history of dating and sleeping with men unlike me.

Not quite a red flag but as close as yellow can be without turning red

wtknight · 2022-11-06T13:11:46+00:00

A woman still being friends with an ex-boyfriend is a yellow flag for me.

Ainsleygz · 2022-11-06T13:19:13+00:00

Liking mustard

WittyComparison76 · 2022-11-06T13:28:20+00:00

The biggest one I suppose is eagerness. General fast pace on the side of the partner. I've not had a ltr in a long while and I struggle to motivate myself to get out there. When I do, it's always a toss up when someone wants things to progress quickly.

Specific family relationship dynamics are another one aha.

Do you have any?

ThrowawayYAYAY2002 · 2022-11-06T14:37:31+00:00

"Live with no regrets!"

That's never sat right with me.

BrickedHampster · 2022-11-06T17:21:38+00:00

If she doesn’t have any strong active hobbies or interests. That’s practically a red flag for me at this point. Ended up being a big issue with my last LTR. She didn’t really have much going on besides going to work and school. Kind of felt like dating a robot. She bounced around a few interests while we were dating and I wouldn’t be surprised if she still is to this day.

pinktuliplover · 2022-11-06T13:55:11+00:00

Misogyny. Most of us have some type of gender bias ingrained from a young age so you have to be reasonable with your expectations of people, especially towards men.

Dating the type of men I date (usually more traditional, religious, and some level of country) I expect certain levels of misogyny. Stating literal facts such as women are weaker than men, don’t bother me at all. Mild teasing doesn’t affect me either. (Ex: my ex would say things such as “go fix my plate woman.”) I see nothing wrong with pointing out factual gender differences and poking fun on unserious topics.

This can obviously turn into a red flag because there are men who are pure women haters, abusers, etc. I have to be mindful of the guys who think because I’m more traditional and non feminist it’s ok to just bash women in front of me. Calling other women derogatory terms and being unnecessarily critical of them while talking to me is unacceptable.

Of course it can also be a green flag because it raises the expectations of men. If you think women are weaker, then you have to be stronger. If you want a sahm, then you have to be a provider. Etc.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2022-11-06T13:14:12+00:00

When a man says he doesn’t have a 5 year plan in life or if he wants life to be spontaneous. I’m very wary of men who say that because they usually don’t have a plan for life and as such are not taking life seriously or looking for commitment. Usually men like that aren’t aware that if you fail to plan you fail to do anything and that isn’t just for a career it could be for retirement or for family formation or saving up to buy a home or anything so I usually have to dive deeper to see if they just like to travel randomly to be spontaneous for example or if they truly don’t have life plans.

MrsKetchup · 2022-11-06T15:22:47+00:00

Not being into video games was one for me when I was dating. Maybe we'd have enough other common interests that it would be fine, but being my biggest pastime we probably wouldn't mesh well.

Being religious would be yellow also. Most of my family is heavily religious, not extreme, but going to church every Sunday, weird artifacts around the house, etc. Just not for me. It would depend on how into it he was I suppose

1Here4Bach · 2022-11-06T13:16:58+00:00

Any anime watching, video game playing, no outdoor/physical hobbies, timidness, doesn’t own a pet.

Spread-Em-Plz · 2022-11-06T16:51:17+00:00

I have a couple, but I want to focus specifically on a couple relating to style and poise

I’m generally wary of any girl who has the “Instagram bimbo” look, “hot Cheetos girl” look, or the “dyed hair with tattoos and piercings” look

Each of these are sort of archetypal styles a girl can have, but the girls who have one of these three styles always seem to carry problematic tendencies.

They’re usually pretty hot but can make your life hell if you choose wrong. (I know this can apply to any partner you choose, but it’s especially egregious within these subcultures)

Some my other yellow flags are also psychedelic usage, smoking weed as a personality trait, being a snow-bunny, and being conservative/republican

GlumManufacturer1557 · 2022-11-06T18:58:33+00:00

Watching porn. Not a dealbreaker, but certainly icky.

Hornswoggler1 · 2022-11-06T19:01:06+00:00

Mismatched sense of humor. It can work, but life is much more fun when you and your partner understand each other.

CasperElshao · 2022-11-06T13:38:48+00:00

If she actively dodges and disregards questions about her past.

I completely understand it if she has childhood trauma and stuff like that. But let’s be real there’s one general reason why girls dodge it.

Katatonicsnake · 2022-11-06T14:17:59+00:00

Being into sports. My family is full of sports fanatics and I know what it means, but it’s not nearly bad enough to be a red flag. Same with cars.

Not being into culture (mostly museums and theater). It’s a yellow flag because often it means that the person lives a different life than I do, and that they might have different values. It’s a red flag if they aren’t willing to try, and aren’t supportive of my interests. It’s a green flag if it just means that they have their own interests and haven’t tried those things before. I like people who are curious.

AUG-UAA-UAG-UGA · 2022-11-06T14:21:00+00:00

If after 6 months you know nothing about her past, that is not an accident she has hidden it purposefully. She is probably promiscuous thats a yellow flag . Red flag upon further investigation

md8716 · 2022-11-06T17:33:52+00:00

My main yellow flag is how she presents herself to the outside world. Like, does she have tattoos, what is her dress style, makeup style, piercings, how she wears her hair, etc. I notice a lot.

When I see how someone presents themselves to the outside world and the dozens of micro-choices they make to form a whole, I form a (usually correct) judgment on their personality.

But I still allow for the fact that I could be wrong, which is why it's a yellow flag.

DatBoiETC · 2022-11-06T20:38:22+00:00

Excessive drinking, not smoking kush

Ppdebatesomental · 2022-11-06T22:12:44+00:00

General impatience

extreme views on anything

few friends, no old friends

no passions or hobbies other than passive ones (video games, watching sports)

only listens to the music they knew in high school

picky eater

has never been far from home

doesn’t like animals

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-11-06T15:55:29+00:00

Children are a yellow flag to me

mackenzie013_02 · 2022-11-06T17:21:08+00:00

Hunting.

fat-lazy-goose · 2022-11-06T18:47:47+00:00

During the 5-years I was dating, across the (roughly) 20 women I successfully asked out.... never did I ever encounter a red flag or a yellow flag.

I wasn't there to criticize them. I was there to try and be friendly, see if we could make a connection. Get acquainted. They all seemed like nice enough folks. The worst criticism I can muster of those women is they tended to be a little boring, or a little dishonest.

(Incidentally, it sure didn't work that way in reverse. As an autistic man, 90% of those women saw my every action as a red or yellow flag.)

But my standards are basically "don't be an asshole, be at least mildly pleasant to be around" Seems a lot of people aim much higher, like a fuxking episode of Seinfeld.

Ursaris2 · 2022-11-06T19:45:33+00:00

Belief in astrology and/or paganism. Most who profess to believe in these things do so to a frankly ridiculous degree, going so far as to use it not just as an explanation for why things happen the way they do but as a smokescreen they can use to keep themselves from having to delve too far into anything or take real responsibility for their actions.

Losing_Daylight_ · 2022-11-06T23:05:10+00:00

He goes straight from one relationship to the next with no break in between. I think he may be codependent and needy.

Maffioze · 2022-11-13T08:32:57+00:00

Being into astrology, having bad experiences with every ex they had.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-11-06T13:46:47+00:00

My friends like to remind me I said “ok, no more sorority girls” in college. Then married a sorority girl.

King-SAMO · 2022-11-06T16:59:52+00:00

LEO’s Some of them merely tolerate the bastards, and I appreciate the sort of people who can manage risky situations with grace, which some of them can.

It never worked out, but the fact I tried more than once is probably a yellow flag of my own.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-11-06T15:01:05+00:00

I'm fickle and don't pause or investigate anything. If I have to dive deeper for me personally, it ain't worth finding out honey. I'm out like a light!

Yellow flag is just indifference to me. 1000 yellow flag has to turn them green or I'm walking right by him, 'great guy or not'. It's not my or his fault, I've just got things to do.

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ExpensiveShoulder580 · 2022-11-06T15:00:54+00:00

Yellow flag for male co-workers.

FlyV89 · 2022-11-06T18:19:16+00:00

She says I'm so funny and she loves hearing my stories, but doesn't like to talk so much about her.

I'm like

"Aaawww so cute! You want more info!!! Here, have another shot and lets see if you can keep that fakade when you shitfaced"

Alcohol and my "IDGAF" attitude are the best allies. They are like the fucking Inquisition bro kid you not.

Truth will come up bitches, one way or the other.

TheMedsPeds · 2022-11-07T05:51:31+00:00

Him only working a simple working class job and have literally no ambition toward any sort of career. A lot of RP think all of us want a guy that’s making 100k, yeah that’d be nice but that’s more like a fantasy for me. My social group has continued to work mostly in service even well into our 30s. I went to college and got a BA. I’m not rich by any means, but I do have a professional 9-5 which make enough so I don’t NEED a man to make good money in order for me to live a decent quality of life. So it’s really an extra bonus a bonus that I’ve never experienced. I just refuse to date a jobless man, so no job is a red flag crappy service job is a yellow one. The reason for this honestly isn’t the money though. My main concern is, it seems people who have no career aspirations also don’t have other ones. The live in the moment types. If they don’t care about working to do something outside of retail or a restaurant, they also probably don’t care about building their credit, or buying a home, or saving for an engagement ring and actually get married. It’s all about what’s going on today, this week maybe next month if there is a convention or a concert or something. These types barely even plan vacations. They just go to work, come home, find something to do, rinse, repeat. Very simple minded. All the people I know in relationships with these types, they are just kind of mindlessly existing besides their inspired partners. It’s not something that’s ideal to me. But if he’s decent looking, has a personality that meshes with mine, doesn’t cheat, suffer from addiction problems, an ex he’s still not over deep down (so realistically whether he admits it to himself or not idc), have a spending problem, has a bunch of POS friends that are always hanging out with the macting like 19-year-old frat boys, hits mm

Some people (strangely seems to men way more often than women) who just live in the moment. Idk I just find that very simple minded. It’s like “what do I feel like doing today?” just gets old, the simplicity of it. No job aspirations, not the type of man to save for a ring and plan a proposal, worry about their credit to buy a home, I’d they do and that isn’t a good fit for a life partner.

toasterchild · 2022-11-06T15:51:33+00:00

Work hard play hard.

doggiedoc2004 · 2022-11-06T22:38:24+00:00

Bad relationships with their parents/siblings and/or overbearing potential in laws

Embarrassed_Cup2524 · 2022-11-06T23:31:52+00:00

When she has unresolved trauma

hhhhhhikkmvjjhj · 2022-11-07T01:10:40+00:00

I’m a bit older so for me it would be:

Obsessing over money and career. Craving a perfect life. Talking about alcohol/drinking as if it’s a hobby or a friend. Being into horses.

Money and career was important in late 20s because you get settled in life. However with age comes a certain humbleness. Around 40 your career options diminish and if you get your life’s purpose out of that then it’s going to be difficult to age.

People who crave a perfect life or facade will not work for me as I’m not perfect. I also don’t want to be a piece of furniture in someone’s life.

Alcoholism is a lot more feasible when being older and having a steady income. You can mask it well. I’ve met quite a few functioning alcoholics which is kind of sad to see.

My mom is into horses and it just gives me the creeps. I have nothing against horses as such it’s the people who are creepy. Lots of power games, money, competitiveness, cattiness and drama in stables and also people who just like dominating and being aggressive.

yanabro · 2022-11-07T04:21:26+00:00

Being religious, talking about their desire to have kids/get married on the first date, asking me if I ever dated their ethnicity (every time it happened THEY were the one fetishizing my ethnicity and they thought I was dating them for the same reason)

Conscious_Ad_6572 · 2022-11-07T05:26:53+00:00

Narsism

maildominated · 2022-11-07T11:57:11+00:00

My biggest yellow flag is people talking about "flags" in dating. People are too much concerned with crafting the perfect template of what they want in a partner and checking if all wanted things are checked and all unwanted things are not present, that they lose view of how desirable they are for other people.

Spoiler alert: most people are pretty shit themselves and will never be able to attract candidates who don't have red flags themselves.

It's all fun and games to do a theoretical approach to optimizing the best possible partner in general or even specifically for oneself, and then checking every date if they match this and if not, reject them to keep swiping. But dating optimization problems need to be solved in the reality of each individual.

YOU, reading this, will have an optimal mate (so the best that you will ever be able to get) who as at least one big red flag. So stop fucking around with this red flag and that red flag and rather determine how many red flags you can afford in a partner, based on how shitty yourself are. This way, you know when to stop looking for a partner, when you have found one, instead of always keeping on to look for the one without flags.

nighttown · 2022-11-07T17:26:11+00:00

Any serious talk of astrology, crystals or new age kind of topics pretty much rules out any kind of serious relationship…but does usually mean some decent casual sex is on the table.

Spacetalks3114 · 2022-11-12T18:43:20+00:00

My biggest yellow flag is not having a lot of people in my life.

Some of it is my fault and some of it is life.

My location holds me back a lot but I can get along with pretty much anyone. So if they saw not many friends in real life, they'd probably want more information.

Title	Nevermind red flags, what's your biggest yellow flag?
Author	CimZim
Upvotes	36
Comments	287
Date	November 6, 2022 12:45 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ynp04i/nevermind_red_flags_whats_your_biggest_yellow_flag/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/nevermind-red-flags-whats-your-biggest-yellow-flag.1137893 https://theredarchive.com/post/1137893

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