This thread from /r/AmItheButtface is an example of just how much the "Women are Wonderful Effect" dominates the mainstream view of dating.

CrabMaster69xx · 2021-11-13T05:28:07+00:00

While i do believe that the women are wonderful effect exists. I don't think this is an example of that. Because if the sexes were reversed, men would be annoyed and calling her a hoe.

Imagine a thread with a man who's 32 and woman who's 27, the woman wants to leave her bf to "find herself" (That's not what the guy said, but that's what women call it). There's hundreds of "AWALT" and never trust women comments.

andreea_carla_b · 2021-11-13T07:08:12+00:00

I don't think this is an example of women are beautiful.

First we only know his perspective, like you said. But from this, I see that instead of him taking thing into his own hands, I see that he's a bit selfish because his lack of experience. This is not his girlfriend's fault and is not fair to be resentful towards her.

Most people that tend to end a relationship because they want to play the field, especially if they lack experience, are disappointed mostly because they need to put in the effort to meet new people (which hasn't been that successful in the first place - except for their SO). They also end up regretting giving up a good relationship for them to get some action.

Secondly, I don't think this is the main reason people in their 20s break up. It might be something people just say to soften the break up, but certainly not everyone actually has this reason.

I think most of the time is just compatibility issues, unresolved personal issues, different stages of maturity, etc. You wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't share your views on big life decisions (children, marriage, level of ambition, lifestyle, etc).

Teflon08191 · 2021-11-13T14:16:27+00:00

[permanently deleted]

simeneta_two · 2021-11-13T05:43:01+00:00

They’re not wrong. You seriously think a guy who couldn’t even get a girlfriend until he was 27 is suddenly going to be playing the field? Unless he significantly glowed up during this relationship, the comments are 100% right that he’s going to realize that casual sex is much harder to obtain than he thinks it is. He’s falling into the trap a lot of late bloomers do where they think because they could get one serious relationship they can suddenly get casual sex too.

He’s not a bad person for wanting break up to play the field (and I think he should do that so he doesn’t have any regrets about it). But the comments also aren’t wrong in that it’s not all he thinks it’s cracked up to be.

Demasii · 2021-11-13T08:58:35+00:00

This isn't a women are wonderful.

The problem is this statement below.

feel myself slowly starting to resent her for it.

He has every right to feel like he is missing out. He should break up with her if he is not ready to commit. But to resent her for essentially being the ONLY normal woman to accept him is stupid.

If she didn't come along to give him his first sexual experience, he would be in a worse place. Her being a virgin herself would not have stopped him from wondering what else is out there.

Lunar_Compass · 2021-11-13T11:22:40+00:00

What I see is a typical situation of late bloomer guy getting an ego boost with a help of girlfriend and thinking that he is a catch now. Men like him should be avoided at all costs.

Mimoxs · 2021-11-13T05:47:20+00:00

The comments just show that people think it's kinda confusing as to why he thinks he can now get the experiences he wants when he literally said from the get go that he experienced constant rejection beforehand, that's the reason for the "don't come crawling back" comment -- bc it's kinda ridiculous of him to think he can get what he wants, given his track record.

And people are generally going to frown upon breaking up with people for shallow reasons. There are literally tons and tons of posts that earn this reaction from male and female posters. If you really don't think reddit responds the same way to a woman posting the same thing you're either new to the website or intentionally turning a blind eye.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-11-13T05:36:45+00:00

He should end it with her and let her find someone who actually cares about her and isn’t craving sex with others. Especially if she wants kids some day.

DontwantaFairOne · 2021-11-13T13:50:14+00:00

Because Leonardo Di Caprio, Future & Nick Cannon aren’t wondering or caring if their the asshole.

Dude is dating a woman 5 years older, dump her, be an asshole & don’t live your life according to strangers approval.

wtknight · 2021-11-13T15:08:35+00:00

What explanation could possibly exist here besides a simple case of the "Women are Wonderful" Effect running rampant?

I do think that people would criticize a woman who expressed things in exactly the same way, though. If a woman posted on Reddit asking if she is a buttface for wanting to break up with a guy just to have sex with other men, I think that just as many users would criticize this. Of course, a lot of woman don't express things this way. They say things like "I'm just not sure if this guy is the right one for me" and other women and many men support her right to express her personal freedom to find another guy. But the fact that this guy is saying that he only wants to find other women just to have sex with them is going to draw negative criticism just because sex is considered "lower" than love, and sacrificing (what is supposedly) love just to make one's genitals feel good, whether a man or a woman, is considered base.

The guy would probably get more positive comments if he asked about the prospects of trying to set up threesomes with he and his girlfriend. Then he could get his experiences with other women while not sacrificing his love for her, although threesomes are reportedly difficult to pull off emotionally (don't know, never had one).

TrueStorms · 2021-11-13T11:39:15+00:00

The comments telling him not to come crawling back don’t “show that people hate men taking initiative.” All they show is that everyone knows he’s not the first man blow up a relationship over his notions of a possible exciting sex life that he gets from assuming he’ll be as popular as a woman in the SMV. It’s a cliché that a man wants to leave or open up the relationship and then the woman is the only one who can get regular dates, he struggles to find anyone especially for casual sex, and suddenly he misses the LTR he took for granted before. The dude is a walking cliché and going down a common path, that’s why people warned him. That said he should leave and cut them both a break. People are warning him about reality is all.

OneDumbPony · 2021-11-13T06:07:43+00:00

"People are making very unfounded assumptions about this guy's ability to get any action"... The guy admitted to everyone himself that he was getting rejected which led to him not trying anymore. It has nothing to do with a "Women are Wonderful Effect", if a guy or girl sucked at picking up partners before a committed relationship then they're going to continue to suck once they leave that relationship, especially when they put no effort into it.

Also, a lot of the time women are expected to take back their partners if they leave for whatever reason, so I think that's where the hostility comes from surrounding that issue. She shouldn't be his "second pick", no man or women deserves that.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-11-13T05:36:40+00:00

But...where are they wrong? By his own account, she's done nothing within the relationship to warrant being dumped. If he wants to fuck around, that's his call. But I agree that he shouldn't expect her to take him back once he gets it out of his system.

She can probably do way better than a guy this insecure.

xKalisto · 2021-11-13T09:38:32+00:00

He said he faced constant rejection. That's what the people are basing their opinion that he has no game on. What makes you think it will suddenly be better?

He has perfectly fine relationship, he even says his GF is great, breaking it up to get laid is stupid. Everybody in the sub is judging him because that is literally the point of the sub.

ToughAnswers · 2021-11-13T05:23:15+00:00

The absolute worst possession a man can have in a society such as this one is shame. You just gotta do what you gotta do. Follow the law, and nothing more.

Hard_Thruster · 2021-11-13T05:43:41+00:00

I think you're wrong. I think that if the genders were reversed the comments would be the same.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-11-13T06:16:59+00:00

I don’t think the response would be so different if the genders were reversed. Imo he should end it, and wanting to doesn’t make him a bad person. But he’s still the buttface in this situation. Sometimes you gotta be the buttface, but also gotta admit you are ya know?

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-11-13T09:57:25+00:00

Tbh I don't think he's wrong for breaking up with her for being unhappy.

I think women in general however are more likely to couch things in agreeable, positive tones (we were no longer happy together, I wanted to find myself, I'm not sure if I'm ready to commit long term) and he decided to be super blunt about it (I just want to have more sex), which is why he had more backlash.

Like a woman who broke up with someone because she wanted more sex would be seen as a slut and despite what people here think, she'd be judged hard out for it too.

I'm saying that, this has definitely opened my eyes and I think instead of thinking virginity is an orange flag if a guy is 35, I'm going with virginity is a red flag full stop. There seems to be a big consensus among men here that this is pretty common.

Maybe I'll just tell my friends in the dating market to definately think twice about giving virgin or n count one guys a chance unless he's religious

Barneysparky · 2021-11-13T05:28:33+00:00

Another explanation.

He's in his late 20's, and finally, a woman has chosen him.

Now he thinks he can hit the town and bang left and right, when he never has before.

Talk about getting your foot in the door and then barging in and being a complete idiot.

I'm old enough to predict his future.

Six months from now he's posting that his girlfriend cheated on him, even though six months ago he "dumped his girlfriend to go bang randoms,"

OP, do you think if one gal decides to have sex with you now lots of women will?

I also predict that this post will be taken down for incel content.

What did the girlfriend do wrong?

sarkington · 2021-11-13T05:37:57+00:00

Yes, don’t date or marry, guys, ok?

kittenated · 2021-11-13T08:40:54+00:00

This has nothing to do with women being so wonderful that he's some kind of silly fool for wanting to dump her to have sex with other women. It's to do with this:

I hadn’t been with anybody other than her due to constant rejection which then lead to lack of trying.

I can see why he feels frustrated, but considering his huge lack of success, he will very likely fail on his mission to start having all this casual sex experience, and throw away something good in the process.

people are making very random unfounded assumptions about this guy's ability to get any action outside of this one relationship.

They're not unfounded, though.

But also to consider, of the woman he's with, he says this:

The only thing that is keeping me from doing so is the fact that I still care about her and her feelings. She’s a good person and I don’t want to hurt her. I love her sense of humor and how she goes about life. I cherish our time together

So he might dump this woman he cares about, fail getting casual sex, only to end up alone.

It's such a big gamble for such small odds, making it seem not worth the risk at all.

ButterscotchOk4483 · 2021-11-13T11:45:25+00:00

Ummm if the gender was reversed you would make this woman a villain ( men even still believe they can ask for threesome but when a woman does the same she is wh0re and guys react strongly) but I agree this guy has the right to break up to experience more ( but he has to cut this woman out of his life the I care about her .. she is not enough for him clearly so leave her and go experience this wild sexual fantasies ) and at the same time women also have every right to break a relationship and to experience and to ask for threesome and open relationships without men shaming her

GridReXX · 2021-11-13T12:20:00+00:00

If a woman wrote the same exact post, would the men of PPD and the spheres be replying in support of her?

Ppdebateismental · 2021-11-13T14:32:09+00:00

Well most of the comments are “good luck” and they might be spot on. I’ve posted about this before, this was my exact case. My ex dumped me after 7 because he was a virgin, got rich and thought it affected his smv. It didn’t. Yeah, he wasted most of my youth. Oh well, too bad so sad, but he’s still single to this day.

Do you think a guy who is “a late bloomer” is suddenly going to be sexually successful?

Of course there is no true reverse to this situation, no one is warning women that they might not find casual sex if they dump a boyfriend, a woman only has to walk in a bar and ask “who’s horny”.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-11-13T22:49:58+00:00

This is my answer.

I think he has come to an age when women start paying more attention to him (like his girlfriend) and now he's realizing he wants to go out and experience what he had missed out.

Happens to a lot of men who were basically virgins during their late teens and early twenties, then they jump into the first relationship they can get at 22-24, things improve a little for them in just a few years, they get a job, get in shape, finish studies, start making some money...

This brings lots of confidence and it's like a vicious circle, the more you improve, more good things come to you and the more people you attract, which leads to another boost of confidence, and so on.

It seems OP is finally starting to break the shell, that's a good thing, but he may also be a little inexperienced when it comes to relationships and he doesn't have anything to compare his current partner to, so he doesn't know how good or bad she is and how compatible they are together.

If he had slept with and date other women previously he would probably have a more formed opinion of the girl, or where do they stand as a couple.

Hell, if he had slept with other girls and his girlfriend sucked in bed he wouldn't have probably dated her at all, he prob would have kicked her and move on to the next girl.

The problem is that OP and his girlfriend are in DIFFERENT STAGES of their lives. OP is learning, her girlfriend has already learned and wants to move on.

And I tell you, this is not even rare, specially when it comes to men.

By the time a man is actually ENTERING the dating scene most women have had probably a few failed relationships and some hook ups here and there, because dating is easier for women, specially when they are in their late teens and early twenties.

I think this is the reasson why women shouldn't date younger men and viceversa, because more often than not a 25 years old man is never in the same stage of life nor have the same experiences of a woman his age.

I have a similar problem with my fiancee (and yes, she's one year older).

She comes from a quite well off family and spent her young years traveling and going to parties, she has been in lots of countries and have visited wonderful places, but now that she has grown up she wants to settle down and start a family, and use her (and my) savings to buy a house.

Meanwhile... I've had a hard life bro. It's hard to get to the top.

I spent young years working. And working really hard. I never had holydays outside my country, and the countries I visited, always for work related stuff. I had to build up myself and spent countless nights alone, drinking with myself to kill the time. There were times I was low and had to pick up my self to pieces from the floor, because I had nobody to help me rebuild my confidence.

I worked hard and sacrificed myself, and I longed for a time where I could be able to be independent and enjoy life like I deserved. And I was alone during those hard times.

Then my fiancee came into my life and she was a blessing, and we struggled a bit more to get ahead and now we are finally here.

And she wants to settle down.

Well... That sucks you know?

Because I'm now 32, I'm in the best shape of my entire fucking life, I feel handsome and good looking as fuck, I'm finally well off, I can afford what I always wanted, I ride the bike of my dreams (Honda Shadow V-twin engine, fucking black goddess man!)...

And I honestly feel like life has just started, you know.

I don't resent my fiancee for traveling and having fun and enjoying life while I was struggling to get my head out of the water, I'm happy for her and I love that she had amazing life-changing experiences...

But I didn't, and I wanto to have mine too, not because I DESERVE IT... But because I earned that right for me.

And I've come to understand we are incompatible as a couple because we are at different STAGES of our lives, and honestly I don't think I'm a bad guy for wanting to live some.

So OP, I say go ahead. Do what makes you happy, don't let the girl stay with an unhappy man, in the long run you are making herself a favour.

Break up amicably. She deserves it and you too.

CatoftheBanals · 2021-11-13T06:22:43+00:00

This isn’t a “women are wonderful” effect, it’s a story as old as time. He wants to cheat with permission. Fuck around while keeping someone in reserve. Weirdly enough the “wonderful” is coming from blackpill types who say she will have a ton of guys ready for sex while he will have nobody.

Jump or don’t jump, but be prepared for the relationship to end if you jump. That would be the same for a woman as well. Most people don’t give permission to cheat. If a woman wants to find herself she can break up and take her chances as well. Same as a man.

learn2earn89 · 2021-11-13T06:09:50+00:00

hmm. I feel bad for the woman. Wonder if he glowed up and now he feels he can do better.

meme_lords_unite · 2021-11-13T13:01:24+00:00

Its hilarious... all of the women shaming and attacking him. That's how you know you're doing the right thing, when you piss off a bunch of women. I don't think this is an example of women are wonderful, but its a great double standard. When women whore around and ride the cock carousel its expected and accepted, but when an average man wants to do the same. Suddenly its fire and brimstone.

He's a good dude and his position is understandable. He's not doing this for malicious reasons, he just wants new experiences. Women will hate him for it, but I believe he's doing the right thing. He isn't cheating and he's empathetic enough to consider his partners feelings. At the end of the day, you must do whats best for you... no matter who gets upset.

CFinCanada · 2021-11-13T05:55:41+00:00

A good reason why I had no qualms taking up with a high-N man.

Like, are all low-N men this pathetic? From what I've seen, yes.

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hopesy123 · 2021-11-13T10:25:22+00:00

Tbh for me the part that he wants to break up so he can get more experiences or try the waters or whatever you wanna call it, with other women is not the biggest issue, the resentment part is, like if I had a partner that said they were starting to RESENT, like hate me, feeling resentful towards me for my past experiences then I would gladly break up with them or really be rethinking this relationship, I could understand a little jealousy or a bit bitterness, I mean we are humans and we can all get a little insecure, but down right resentment is a whole other league, imagine if that resentment turned into something physical? (Ofc not saying he is a violent person) but if the feeling of resentment starts to really dig into him, it would be safer for her to not be with him and he could do his own thing and get those (hopefully) experiences that he craves.

goatismycopilot · 2021-11-13T13:13:40+00:00

He should leave his GF and experience whatever it is he wants to experience. Otherwise his discontent will leak into the relationship and they will break up anyway. But what often happens is these guys leave then become disenchanted that they cannot bang the hot chicks and come back. It is also a good arguement for partners having a similar sexial background although the reality is some people are never satisfied and he might have invented a different reason.

chubbybutt22 · 2021-11-13T13:42:40+00:00

Interesting. The situation reminds me of me and my boyfriend. I am divorced and I went through a hook up phase prior to meeting him. He was a virgin. I try to be very conscious of this. And we seek out other sexual experiences together (sex clubs, threesomes, etc.) and he knows after Covid if he wants to try to have sex with other women that I will support him. Because I don’t want him to feel like he missed out on anything.

I don’t think this has anything to do with whatever “women are wonderful effect you are talking about”. He should break up with her. Which makes him a little bit the buttface. But it’s the right decision. But this is an established thing that men who leave relationships or open them up go and have trouble finding other partners and have a Lotta regret. So I think that’s a valid thing to point out to him.

SKY_ACTIV3 · 2021-11-13T15:50:18+00:00

Do you honestly think the comment would be better towards a woman who wanted to hoe around? WAW is real. This is not an example of that.

Godspeed to him, but I agree that he better not come crawling back to her. He shouldn’t have even told her that he wanted to chase other girls, it’s gonna make him look pathetic if she finds out he can’t get any play.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2021-11-14T00:51:49+00:00

This goes to show that, if you're a guy, people simply HATE the idea of you taking the initiative to improve your own prospects.

Yeah. It's called being a guy.

They hate you til you make them love you.

Whether it's a new job, a new group, a new girl, etc. etc. people are actively looking for ways to take you down when they sense you have ambition and are in control of your own destiny. They'll look for weaknesses, mistakes, etc. and try to break you down.

This dude asked reddit for advice about his relationship. His OP has a lot of cultural baggage backed right in about him resenting her for her sexual experiences.

making very random unfounded assumptions about this guy's ability to get any action outside of this one relationship

They aren't unfounded. Homie, if you're late 20's and only have one partner as a man, it's quite likely you don't currently have the skill set to get laid (for free at least).

What explanation could possibly exist here besides a simple case of the "Women are Wonderful" Effect running rampant?

This guy is essentially saying he wants to ditch his girl to 'find himself.' Assuming this girl is a great girl and girlfriend, that sucks. It's a shitty thing.

Good on the dude for recognizing in himself that he has unfinished business in the jungle. But the explanation for the flak is that there is no such thing as doing something cool in the world without a ton of people giving you shit about it. Especially as a guy and socially.

As an aging millenial, I truly think dudes are becoming increasingly hypersensitive...

healththrow345 · 2021-11-13T05:44:55+00:00

I feel for him. He wants to experience other partnerships. However he may regret his decision as I've seen these posts on reddit numerous times. Other men did the same and either couldn't get what they wanted or regretted losing their love. Sucks bad.

sunkized · 2021-11-13T13:44:49+00:00

I was constantly rejected in my early 20s. Women would laugh in my face and ask me where are my parents. I get more attention now because I look my age. I can't get a gf, but I have gotten some hook ups. It's hard because I'm on the spectrum, but just being with one woman sounds awful.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-11-13T07:33:56+00:00

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Master-Edward-3 · 2021-11-13T15:18:23+00:00

I definitely understand and can identify the guys situation..It’s quite a common feeling I believe. Simply due to the fact men have a much tougher time encountering sexual opportunities than women. Women naturally are granted sex in their trajectory for everyday life.

I think male virgins are even more common than female virgins and female virgins are often gonna be by self executed choice. Hence why you’d have more male i words than female i words which is usually debatable whether the latter truly even exist or not by definition I read awhile back.

I think the dude will eventually have to come to terms with the fact that, that dilemma will always eat away at him unless he either cheats or leaves to find him self so to speak.

The woman he is with does not have to think of anything like that because she likely had dozens of sexual proposals tossed in her path since puberty and now has had her fill especially while older than him and believes he’d be in the wrong to for some reason but be that as it may it’s unlikely he’d get over this especially since he’s male of course..Higher sex drive and etc….

Brae_Andrews · 2021-11-13T16:17:43+00:00

Women with multiple sexual experiences are just sluts and not worth your time! Your welcome!

zoidbergs_hot_jelly · 2021-11-13T16:29:47+00:00

Who gives a shit if he fails to get laid after ending it with her. He's feeling like he wants to end it, so he should. It's only fair to both parties.

He wants to break up, he admits he's beginning to resent his partner over this, and so he should do the right thing and break up. He has the right to do that. He also needs to understand that she doesn't have to wait around for him, and likely won't.

I don't think it's as much about his "prospects" but more that he's feeling some FOMO over his inexperience. Probably a little embittered by the "constant rejections" in his past, too. He's feeling the itch to leave and experience more partners. Assuming they're not open to, well, an open relationship, his only option is to bounce.

I think you're getting way too worked up over what randos on Reddit say in AITA of all places and projecting a bit here. He wants to see other people, that's it, that's all. Nothing to write home about here. Maybe he'll find what he's hoping to find out there, maybe he won't.

Women get called "ho" or "slut" for wanting out of a relationship for the same reasons. You just can't please everyone, no matter your gender. Someone is always going to be there with a negative comment or opinion.

HedgeRunner · 2021-11-13T18:26:24+00:00

Because most men accepts the reality that women has the power in hook-up culture, while a good amount of women can't accept the outliers (in this case) that certain men could have power as well.

RaspberryJuiceBox · 2021-11-13T21:21:27+00:00

It’s disgusting because he’s been wasting her time. If he wanted those experiences he shouldn’t have got into a serious relationship. Now his girlfriend has had years of her life wasted and she has to start over in finding a partner.

klauskinki · 2021-11-13T21:22:31+00:00

That's the internet. Out there that guy can do whatever he pleases in regard to his relationship and no one would care

PopularBug5 · 2021-11-14T17:01:13+00:00

Picture this:

Most people nowadays source their dating prospects on OLD. OLD is dominated by men. Thus women get far more matches on OLD than men.

Women get tempted more. And when they signal their desire to FOMO and slut around they get more people on reddit empathetic to her cause and they go "you go gurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl"

SleepingBoomer · 2021-11-14T21:57:27+00:00

Yeaaaaah idk about that my dude; generally posting about wanting to "play the field" when you have a good/loving partner is disliked by both sexes (at least publicly). Granted Women in this simp/feminist culture get a bit more leeway (i.e. "yOu gO giRL"); but I think in this case if the genders were flipped the response would be the same.

And the "Don't come crawling back if it doesn't work out" is ABSOLUTELY used consistently against women that break things off with a guy to go "ride the carousel"; and not just in MGTOW/Redpill forums but all over normie youtuber comment sections too.

PsychologyOfLooks · 2021-11-15T04:55:43+00:00

"Simping" and / or white knighting or whatever you want to call it, is just an expression of how many sexually desperate men there are out there. Women who take advantage of this are simply doing what they can to achieve ease of life.

All human action is the result of individuals attempting to undo their insecurity and discomfort of occupying whatever physical form they occupy.

Mayhem977 · 2021-11-17T00:44:19+00:00

Because from a moral standpoint, it’s still a messed up thing to do no matter what gender is doing it. Of course, no one is obligated to stay in a relationship for whatever reason. But that doesn’t mean that people still won’t have their opinions.

Title	This thread from /r/AmItheButtface is an example of just how much the "Women are Wonderful Effect" dominates the mainstream view of dating.
Author	washington_breadstix
Upvotes	75
Comments	325
Date	November 13, 2021 5:19 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/qsu4sk/this_thread_from_ramithebuttface_is_an_example_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/this-thread-from-ramithebuttface-is-an-example-of.1084374 https://theredarchive.com/post/1084374

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