The elephant in the room is the libido gap between men and women

bluestjuice · 2023-03-10T14:26:08+00:00

This is an interesting post, but it sort of ignores that most humans haven’t been living in small isolated tribes for millennia and have had time to devise systems for appropriately discharging sexual impulses in a nondestructive way. Some systems better than others, admittedly. But it’s nonsense to imply that there has ever been a time when this problem as described hasn’t coexisted with society. People have made it work for thousands of years so I’m skeptical that the current moment represents some acute sexual crisis.

l00ks-p1lled · 2023-03-10T14:27:57+00:00

It's not just a matter of libido, most men want some intimacy and to be actually desired. Prostitution would have already solved the issue if it was just libido.

Besides, as far as I understand, most women are actually turned on by an attractive man, the problem is that there is scarcity of such men. If all men were conventionally attractive the problem would solve by itself

Ppdebatesomental · 2023-03-10T14:39:35+00:00

The problem is that men have higher libido than women, an insatiable libido in a world where men are not getting sex as often as they want (at least for most men), and it is not any gender's fault that is the case. It is Just the fact that society is not made for this kind of libido difference

It’s bizarre to me that anyone thinks this is strictly some sort of modern phenomenon. Do you think that hundreds of years ago, the wife with 4 kids already was putting out every night with joyful abandon? The libido gap has ALWAYS caused men to not get as much sex as they wanted, except maybe in pre historic cultures where they just killed other men and stole their wives. Or in societies where wealthy men had mistresses. In order for some men to be”winners” and get all the sex they want, other men have always had to be losers. Monogamy spreads out access to sex, but does not necessarily provide all men throughout history with all the sex they want.

Radiant_Specific6542 · 2023-03-10T15:17:50+00:00

I have an extremely high libido and almost everyone I've dated matched or even higher and they didn't have much in common.

You have to be "The Man" to get that cardinal desire out of women. Be fit, well dressed, well-spoken, competent and dangerous but controlled.

There's a difference in characteristics that women are are "attracted to" vs characteristics that they subconsciously can't help the desire to procreate with you.

Gari_305 · 2023-03-10T15:12:48+00:00

I don't think this libido can be fixed anytime soon, but if we get a drug to lower libido while keeping all other benefits of testosterone, men will finally be free. It will be as revolutionary as the pill was for women.

Seriously dude what are you on? It's well documented that women have a higher libido towards men that work out.

See here

Here

But if she has a naturally low libido despite above, then in that case move on and stop complaining over it.

princeintheangel · 2023-03-10T17:57:49+00:00

jesus christ

Shebalied · 2023-03-10T16:13:11+00:00

If anything a large amount of women are taking anti-depressants and it for sure messes up a lot of things.

I had a female friend and she had libido issues, like ZERO and she took drugs. She would hide it from every guy she would date. We would tell her how unfair that was and shady. She was like, no guy would date me or talk to me once they find out zero sex is going to happen.

RIP for the guy who married her. She found a passive asian guy who her friends called a pet rock because he pretty much is super beta bucks.

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lolthankstinder · 2023-03-10T16:07:42+00:00

Feminists would argue that men’s libido is a product of socialization, not biology. For example, a modern male is a helluva lot less violent than a Spartan male. I’ve seen studies showing that women can feel just as strongly about sex as men. However, I’ve also seen studies that testosterone can boost women’s libido which would suggest there’s a biological component as well.

Personally, I think there’s a simple biological inclination for men to feel sexual attraction more quickly, which gives the illusion that women have lower libido. It takes more time for women’s libido to kick in, and they only feel instant sexual attraction to a very small subset of men.

The “problem” isn’t the biological differences. The problem is we downplay and pathologize them. There’s a belief that the way women feel/perceive sex is the “ideal”, and men should be “socialized” into being more like women.

If everyone embraces these biological differences, dating becomes SO much easier and less frustrating. As a man, you become more self-aware about not expressing sexual attraction too quickly. You masturbate to control urges so you’re not always thinking about sex. As a woman, if a guy is initially sexual it’s okay because you realize it’s just their biology. They think you’re hot, oh no! Just communicate boundaries and you’re good to go. If guys keep leaving after sex, you now realize it’s because you’re relying on men’s strong initial sexual urges to lure in guys that are more desirable than you overall, so once those urges are satiated they dip. Now that you understand the biology, instead of externalizing this and blaming it on men, you internalize it and realize it’s your own fault and within your control to fix. You aren’t giving the guys just as desirable as you a chance.

bipidibapidiboo · 2023-03-10T16:25:36+00:00

Yeah so much energy wasted on fighting the urge. I wish I have the mental clarity and curiosity of that of a child before puberty. Girls get to enjoy the mental clarity even in adulthood.

wtknight · 2023-03-10T16:29:18+00:00

I’m not sure why it is an elephant in the room. Men just need to improve enough to attract their attractiveness match. Women still largely want monogamy. They just aren’t attracted to men who don’t apply themselves to become attractive enough to them.

meangingersnap · 2023-03-10T15:07:08+00:00

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Straight_Plenty6244 · 2023-03-10T16:43:43+00:00

I’ve never met a man with a higher libido then me

Financial_Leave4411 · 2023-03-10T14:16:40+00:00

I definitely think that is one solution that would help men even more so than trying to get women to take a pill to up their libido. Unfortunately no pill comes without side effects. We have seen with the development of hormonal birth control for men that men refused to take it because they saw it as dangerous when in fact it was the same side effects that women have when they are on hormonal birth control. So the real question is what side effects are men willing to accept to be free of their libido?

hd9294hskwh · 2023-03-10T16:00:04+00:00

I've seen crazy high libido in women for top-level hot guys. They even sexually harrass and assult hot guys because they are women and nobody really teaches them to control those urges. But they live in a world where 90% of guys are not attractive, so yeah, they regularly have low libido, anyone would.

eleventwenty2 · 2023-03-10T16:04:30+00:00

This is my point I struggle with lately too. My comment history sums it up pretty well lol

emolano · 2023-03-10T17:15:26+00:00

I like this take. I would take those pills (of course implying they're safe and all).

FlexodusPrime · 2023-03-11T02:02:59+00:00

It’s not that women have lower libido, it’s that they have lower libido for their current partner. Add a new partner and it shoots up

wes_bestern · 2023-03-10T15:02:27+00:00

The thing is, a shit ton of women really have high libidos, but they usually experience some kind of sexual shaming at an early age and that somewhat disconnects them from being able to openly enjoy sex the same way that men are socialized to.

They want to enjoy it, but they've grown up with so many mixed messages that it frustrates them. Then they realize that there is power in the idea that men want women more than women want men. They realize there's power in being the one pursued, and less power in being the initiator. And that perceived power makes them feel safer. It's why they often refuse to be the first to say "I love you". It's too vulnerable a position for a person who has been under society's thumb their whole life.

obviousredflag · 2023-03-10T14:46:38+00:00

What is the point of being horny most of the time if you are not getting any sex?

To be motivated to get sex. It's an evolutionary fitness factor to be motivated to sleep with as many women as often as possible. It's inevitable to have evolved that way.

Safinated · 2023-03-10T16:10:08+00:00

All evidence indicates that men would rather burn down the world/enslave women than curb their libidos

JNRoberts42 · 2023-03-10T14:18:12+00:00

You're admitting men lack agency and self control. After a hundred years of claiming that men are rational and logical, are you sure you want to go this route?

What would happen if men reduced the amount of sexual media they consume? What would happen if men reduced the time spent searching for attractive women to gawk at? What would happen if men boxed their own weight and actually dated women who were equally matched instead of lusting over women they had zero chance of obtaining? What if men redirected their lustful thoughts away from (edited) female coworkers and friends?

Others may claim men will be lazier now if they have lower libido because less motivation

Testosterone influences mood, motivation, and energy levels as well. Men with testosterone deficiencies report depression and suicidal ideation. The last thing society wants is more men suffering.

mikehawk1988 · 2023-03-10T14:23:50+00:00

My thrive for women is probably the reason for why I have achieved many things in life. Women are the gatekeepers to men's happiness but they are also the judges. They judge you by your value (measured by your talents, money, etc.). So while this might sound evil they are the reason for many men's strength. So yeah, libido makes us strong. Personally I don't want less of it although everytime my libido is low I feel more at peace.

RatchedAngle · 2023-03-10T14:27:17+00:00

I genuinely believe that women would have higher libidos if we recognized, honored, and nurtured the differences between male and female sexuality.

Also, it’s hard to be a high libido woman. Especially if you’re traditional (which most people were up until now).

Think about it this way: if I give an amazing blowjob or demand wild sex on a daily basis, and my husband goes to his traditional redpill friends and tells them about this. What are his friends gonna say? “No way she was a virgin when she met you. She’s totally lying bro.”

In order to be a “good woman” you have to be inexperienced.

The problem here is that women’s sexuality isn’t as simple as men’s sexuality. For a man it’s as simple as “you stick your penis into something one day and boom, you’re now in tune with your sexuality and your libido.”

I’m a woman and it took me until this year (mid-20s) to fully become comfortable with my sexuality and that’s after having sex with my husband for 6 years. I feel like my heart, soul, and body need to be connected for me to truly enjoy sex. Now I want sex on a daily basis and testosterone definitely isn’t the fuel that’s driving that desire.

And the only reason I was able to get into it this much is because my husband makes an effort for sex to be pleasurable for me. He’s safe and open and comfortable. So I had time to figure myself out. He doesn’t get insecure if I masturbate, is willing to try almost anything, listens when I tell him things, etc.

And he doesn’t dismiss what I’m saying as “irrational woman mumbo jumbo” when I talk about my feelings. He actually listens and tries to connect.

I think more women would have higher libidos (at least enough to match their husbands’ desires) if we started gearing sex toward the female libido rather than the male libido.

DoinIt989 · 2023-03-10T15:40:05+00:00

Men's libido is not higher than women's. I'd argue it's just distributed differently. Men are like a 4-6/10 horny all the time, women are either a 1 or a 10.

Men don't pursue sex just because they're horny. They also pursue it because "getting lots of women" earns respect from their peers. The actual sex part is irrelevant. See also how many bitter "Red Pillers" don't actually enjoy sex or women, they just want to go on a power trip.

GrandRub · 2023-03-10T18:27:36+00:00

but if we get a drug to lower libido while keeping all other benefits of testosterone, men will finally be free.

the drug is called "grow up and get out of your teenage years". most men 20+ arent so horny that they cant have a normal life.

pearllovespink · 2023-03-10T16:39:06+00:00

I’ve never understood this topic because my libido has been higher than every guy I dated. Maybe the girl you’re seeing just doesn’t like having sex with you. That’s the only time I didn’t have the urge to have sex.

kochIndustriesRussia · 2023-03-10T15:53:56+00:00

This is not actually true.....

CommunicationNo9896 · 2023-03-10T14:24:38+00:00

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CommunicationNo9896 · 2023-03-10T14:36:50+00:00

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propyl21 · 2023-03-10T14:18:36+00:00

For my own understanding, what's stopping these men from having sex?

CommunicationNo9896 · 2023-03-10T15:28:22+00:00

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UneastAji · 2023-03-10T17:42:21+00:00

The elephant in the room is the age gap in relationships and the fluctuation of demographies. 20 year old men are actually competing with shitload of men for a minority of women just because 20 year old men are less numberous than 30 year old men, and because women have a tendency to avoid younger men.

MotleyCrew1989 · 2023-03-10T15:21:05+00:00

Women´s hornyness depends on the stage of their cicle, and since they dont all are at the same stage at the same time, men have to be horny all the time to be ready to impregnate different women, remember than men are poligamy oriented while women are hypergamy oriented in their reproductive strategy.

As a man with a libido lower than average, you can be frustrated anyway, that wont disapear because you dont feel the need to stick it in everyone with a pulse.

oooo020201lfl · 2023-03-10T15:36:43+00:00

Brave New World.

I will not take the soy pills. My dick stays hard

childish_badda_bingo · 2023-03-10T15:11:03+00:00

We wouldn’t have society without that difference. It’s not a problem. It’s a feature.

That__EST · 2023-03-10T15:50:42+00:00

The elephant in the room is that were naturally serial monogamists. Life long sexually monogamous marriage is unrealistic and has made both genders unhappy. So we've told youngsters to put off marriage until they're older. Not realizing that there's only a short window in our lives where you can actually fall in love with someone. So we encourage young people to not settle down for awhile and then the window gets missed altogether.

I think that there should be more of an emphasis on amiable co parenting and men being hands on fathers. Divorce and infidelity have such high rates because life long sexual monogamy and marriage are unrealistic. Let's start making expectations for the real world.

relish5k · 2023-03-10T16:50:30+00:00

Women can only get pregnant at most 5 days a month. Men can conceive a child at any point and at any time (though typically it takes ~2 days to fully recuperate sperm after ejaculation). Men having a higher libido than women is a feature, not a bug, or society - which at the end of the day is built around our basic biology.

TheRedPillRipper · 2023-03-10T19:59:08+00:00

we already control desires and sensations using drugs, and I don’t get why libido shall be different

The pivotal factor is Self Control. If you’ve got the discipline, you dictate the direction of your life. Physique. Career. Relationships. Sex. Marcus Aurelius said it best;

”You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

Godspeed and good luck!

flosterjenkins · 2023-03-10T23:02:22+00:00

Or women could take female viagra? I'm sure some women would appreciate a fix for low libido instead of being written off by big pharma, and covered under insurance the same way as products designed for men

eye_of_gnon · 2023-03-11T06:57:31+00:00

If people just wanna cum then they can simply watch porn

I think there's more to attraction than just sex, ther's also a need for companionship

gopher_glitz · 2023-03-11T14:24:33+00:00

Here's another, for every 100 females, there are 105 males born.

For every 100 million women, there's 5 million men who are 100% SOL

nicoleberry16 · 2023-03-11T18:58:13+00:00

Umm yeah I guess it's natural selection at work in the current society. Probably the best way to correct the issue is wide-scale chemical castration for men.

SmallsUndercover · 2023-03-16T08:59:04+00:00

I’m a female. And I’ve had a much higher libido than most men I’ve come across, including my current boyfriend. I’ve never considered that to be a societal issue. to me it felt like my own personal issue. Even if I was single, being horny doesn’t mean I would go out and just fuck all the time. it just means I masturbate a lot more. fyi, majority of women also aren’t sexually satisfied by their partners. Women don’t orgasm as often as men. The other elephant in the room is the orgasm gap. And that’s also partially what causes the libido gap. If a woman isn’t feeling sexually satisfied routinely by their partner, she won’t be so eager to have sex. It seems like you feel horny but just want anyone to fuck immediately to stop feeling so horny. I feel horny but I’ll hold out for someone who will actually satisfy me or someone that turns me on. And I’ll masturbate to hold myself off.

Also, I’m not sure what your age is. But male libido will naturally start to decrease with age.

Title	The elephant in the room is the libido gap between men and women
Author	CommunicationNo9896
Upvotes	69
Comments	415
Date	March 10, 2023 2:07 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/11nq6n1/the_elephant_in_the_room_is_the_libido_gap/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-elephant-in-the-room-is-the-libido-gap-between.1172897 https://theredarchive.com/post/1172897

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