Q4All: What do you think of this quote about opposite sex friendships?

John_Oakman · 2021-03-24T10:26:38+00:00

It's a self fulfilling prophecy if you have that kind of mentality.

icedhumblepie · 2021-03-24T10:18:18+00:00

The truth is that men don’t want to be friends with women

When there are common interests, be it a workplace, place of study or hobby, there is no gendering of friendships like this. One is limited to the immediate pool of people in that place or space. So that whole pretext falls flat for me.

As for whether or not men or women are, or are not, interested in understanding each other better, I think that's very much up to the innate level of curiosity of any individual. Some people, of either gender, are inherently uncurious, satisfied with surface level explanations.

Lastly, spending time around the other gender can certainly improve understanding, although it's unlikely to produce a comprehensive insight in-of-itself.

Smoogs2 · 2021-03-24T09:02:19+00:00

Some people can't have friends of opposite gender and they extrapolate it on everyone thinking that all men and women who are friends with each other actually have some hidden intention to fuck or date each other.

And this whole quote doesn't really make sense. We aren't that different in order not to understand each other and most people, both men and women, aren't really bothered by it. According to that meta study about 5 big traits there are more variability inside each other gender rather than between them.

KirthWGersen · 2021-03-24T09:04:28+00:00

I don't agree with the quote, because frankly, most people are not as stupid or one-dimensional as an inane fictional character.

passepar2t · 2021-03-24T08:22:14+00:00

It's nonsense.

Friendships among normal people develop organically, we don't have fucking quest logs saying "Make friends with the mysterious opposite gender." Also, men and women are not that mysterious.

Throwaway_for_redd · 2021-03-24T11:26:54+00:00

Dude I am so fed up with this bullshit. I am still friends with women I went to school with. And developed many friendships later over things like common interests, shared work projects, hanging out and even her saving me from the cops in one case. Men are not some beasts that have this urge to fuck anything with boobs around. Also friendships don't mysteriously end after having sex. I am still good friends with some women I have hooked up with.

And finally, this kind of generalizations extrapolate specific dynamics of American society, were people hang-out in small, isolated same-sex friendship groups on other societies. Certainly not the case in my country were I have multiple big and mixed friendship groups

snoopnugget · 2021-03-24T09:11:19+00:00

As a bi person I have no friends, everytime I try to make some, I just end up having sex 🥺😭😟

Shit posting aside, I think gender doesn't decide friendships, it's just sometimes you have to make it clear that romantic interest is not there. Since most people are straight, that's already implied with same gender friendships.

And they talk to their male friends about sports, and I have no idea what else. Women, on the other hand, are dying to be friends with men. Women know they don’t understand men, and it bothers them: they think that if only they could be friends with them, they would understand them and, what’s more (and this is their gravest mistake), it would help.”

Prob couse she was boring af. Looking pretty is not something that makes a person interesting friend. It does attract people who wanna fuck you, but that's different.

misiepatysie · 2021-03-24T10:23:28+00:00

It is stupid,as it propagates the shallow idea, that men have only manly things to talk about, and women only womenly things. Friendships can be formed on the basis of shared interests, shared history (like going to the same class, our parents being best friends etc), shared friends (when you are a part of a bigger gruop you eventually befriends the individuals in it) etc.

AelfredRex · 2021-03-24T12:58:33+00:00

Your spouse is supposed to be your best friend. You will share more in life with her/him than anyone else.

That quote is just script filler in an old over-hyped formula romcom. Don't take it seriously.

snoopnugget · 2021-03-24T12:17:27+00:00

I have 2 brothers so I don’t find men mysterious at all lol. Growing up it wasn’t really even something I thought about, I’ve always had a pretty evenly mixed-gender group of friends.

wtknight · 2021-03-24T12:24:47+00:00

There are women and men who share interests and can be friends, whether they’re in relationships or not. This quote smacks of gender stereotypes to me and I think that there is too much variation in both men and women to make generalizations like this. Of course there are “manly men” and “girly girls” who will have nothing in common and likely never really be friends, but there are a lot of people who aren’t gender stereotypes, probably even more so since the time when “When Harry Met Sally” was released.

Of course, there are a lot more male sexlessness women issues now than then, but that group doesn’t consist of the average guy who actually likes women’s personalities and who can relate to them.

Gilmoregirlin · 2021-03-24T12:28:08+00:00

I think that men and women can be friends, but the circumstances are rare. I think women more often than not do have genuine friend intentions with men, but that men will rarely invest in friendships with women that they would not sleep with. That's not to say that they are actively trying to sleep with her, rather that they would if given the chance. Women on the other hand are usually not physically attracted to the men they call their friends. They can objectively see them as physically attractive, but they are not personally attracted to them, they don't see them that way, they are in the friend zone. Men struggle with opposite gender friendships because women treat their friends so differently then men treat their male friends. Female friendships are much deeper on an emotional level, and often this confuses men, and leads them to believe there is more than friendship there even when the woman has told them there is not.

Danger3214 · 2021-03-24T10:56:20+00:00

To counter quote with Daniel Sloss, I have many female friends who are strictly platonic and where “seeing each other naked would make us sad.” Not that either of us are ugly, but I have literally zero romantic or sexual feelings towards them. When Harry Met Sally us a movie entirely built around friends falling in love. Of course that’s the quote for the movie, but it’s not reality.

MasterTeacher123 · 2021-03-24T11:47:23+00:00

I have two female friends, but they’re actually my friends lol. Not girls who I tried to fuck, failed and settled for the friendship. I don’t use the term friend lightly though whether it’s men or women.

SmurfESmurferson · 2021-03-24T12:25:31+00:00

That quote - and the movie in general - was pretty on point for the late 80s/early 90s

Things have changed a lot. It’s no longer accurate

ImabigfanofAC · 2021-03-24T11:25:50+00:00

Don't agree at all. I have several friends of the opposite sex. 100% platonic, very happy with our friendship and we all hang out frequently. No sexual tension whatsoever. Just some very close friends.

LillthOfBabylon · 2021-03-24T10:57:06+00:00

“The truth is that men don’t want to be friends with women.

Men who can't be friends with women don't care for relationships. It's very apparent because they're the same men who think relationships are about "women using men while fucking Chad on the side" and constantly want women to "convince him relationships are worth the sex". No one told them to have a relationship solely for sex.

Men know they don’t understand women,

I can't tell, because this subreddit seems to think that they're experts on women. Even when research, surveys, and statistics show that their wrong.

and they don’t much care.

Either guys will accept they don't understand or they pretend they understand for an ego boost. Plenty of men do understand women. They actually took the time to realize women are people.

They want women as lovers, as wives, as mothers, but they’re not really interested in them as friends.

No, they want women as flesh lights and are willing to put up with a woman's personality for sex.

Women, on the other hand, are dying to be friends with men.

Plenty of women are able to be friends with men and these men have a better time with women than men who think "Men and women can't be friends".

Women know they don’t understand men, and it bothers them:

No, we do. We understand men, we just don't understand PARTICULAR men who love contradicting themselves and just wont be honest about how shallow he is.

they think that if only they could be friends with them, they would understand them and, what’s more (and this is their gravest mistake), it would help.”

It does help, because now I have friends that can call out other men's bullshit.

unskillfull · 2021-03-24T11:53:10+00:00

I think it is about a value that person of any gender brings to friendship.

If only value someone have for me is that I lust for him/her, than this quote is true.

If someone is trustworthy, funny or have any other positive no-sex related trait, then I think gender does not matter.

Kaisha001 · 2021-03-24T12:18:24+00:00

No, I disagree. I've had good female friends who I had no intention of fucking.

What I do find is that men will think they want sex, and in the end actually want a friendship; while women will think they want a friendship only to find they want more.

GGMcThroway · 2021-03-24T13:02:43+00:00

True for people who didn't have a chance to be friends with the opposite sex growing up in a way that put them on an even playing field. It's easier to put people in a default "mystery box" when you didn't get to see them making the same dumb mistakes you did as a kid.

Otherwise dumb because people are people. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to see how one's environment can shape their beliefs.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2021-03-24T09:37:06+00:00

Personally what I've encountered has a female is that when I did attempt to have a male as a friend , he ended up attracted to me . So that never worked out unless he was gay , but then again I've had gay men tell me if they were gonna sleep with a straight female it would be with somebody like me 🤣🤣 , So I don't have male friends . Have work acquaintances. Don't have a male that I talk too, text , or make plans with. My husband is the same way with the opposite sex himself , plus he says it opens up temptation .

I'll throw this out there . The individuals I get the most grief about having this point of view is from women . Men when I explain the logic completely understand and applaud it actually, but the women say it's oppressive . Personally don't feel oppressed. My husband is my best friend . So he's who I tell everything too 🤣🤣.

Kaisha001 · 2021-03-24T10:11:24+00:00

What my problem was is that men, even in a friendly setup, don't see me as much of a human as they see men - whom they also see as less human than their grand selves - while women see me more of a human than I am, inputting usually wrong intentions and feelings in what they think I am to fill in the blanks - mostly out of their own feeling of inferiority and inadequacy.

I'm not sure what is worse, but you're definitely at disadvantage at any non - romantic field as a woman. You have to act as a fun, careless, not reading too much into things type of guy around women and as a nurse-psychologist-mommy pumping their ego around men, which drains the fuck out of you and you stick to the same 3 people you can tolerate, regardless of gender.

LoomisKnows · 2021-03-24T11:36:03+00:00

I think what it is, is that men and women love people in different ways and friendship between men and women is different. It can get really similar as friendship between guys but it can't quite hit that final piece.

I lost my best friend, got completely cut off because I inadvertently broke his heart by getting a girlfriend. I never ever clocked that he felt about me that way and it really stung to lose him. I still get sad when I see godzilla because it was his favourite thing, but anyway. I think men and women can just be friends, but I think for men, a woman that you respect and are best friends with is always going to be someone you could fall in love with.

I don't think that's an ulterior motive, I just think that sort of intimate best friendship is good material.

DXBrigade · 2021-03-24T12:44:18+00:00

That movie was filmed in the Middle Ages. Back then, friends of the opposite sex was seen as suspicious and exotic but nowadays it's Nothing special. Also most people are easy to understand.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2021-03-24T12:54:02+00:00

I think maybe in a religious cult your views might stand but realistically today's modern man , nahh Most can barely keep up with one woman , especially as testosterone decreases with each generation. Look that up .

2021-03-24T13:04:09+00:00

Here’s what I’ll say about men and women as friends. The existence of a genuine male friend in a woman’s life means more often than not, he’s comfortable leaving her on the market because he feels that he has, can at any time and will in the future do better than her.

A man that feels that he cannot do better than a female friend in his life, if she isn’t helping him to attract other women, will either strive to elevate or destroy their relationship.

peachycreaam · 2021-03-24T13:10:14+00:00

The quote sounds like some nonsense but I do believe most m/f friendships carry some level of sexual attraction and hope for something more on the guys part. They usually don’t seem as organic as a same sex friendship. Men don’t try to be friends with 3/10 women and that says something.

Danger3214 · 2021-03-24T13:38:30+00:00

I won’t involve myself with any man who can’t have female friends. There are guys who think this way, and it’s a huge red flag for me.

Naus1987 · 2021-03-24T12:46:00+00:00

I disagree, because as a guy I have more women friends than guy friends. Although I do love sociology and psychology way more than sports. Sports are boring compared to people watching and trying to figure out why people do the things they do.

Women are way more interested in talking about psychology and emotions than guys are. So most my friends are women.

I also feel like women are easier to talk to when it comes to making mistakes. I could lose 3 grand in the stock market, and a woman may be more empathetic and comforting than a guy would. Though some guys can be really good about it. Most just don’t want to listen to it. Get bored way easy.

Ultimately people are super unique, and I think much more is gained by looking at people based on their personality as opposed to whether or not they’re attractive

clitclamchowder · 2021-03-24T13:47:53+00:00

Woman here. I sure don’t want any male friends. I never have. I align more with how men view women in this quote.

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Nirv127 · 2021-03-24T12:35:44+00:00

I mean, I find some people boring regardless of their gender. I find sports dull, I can't really relate to people who hate learning or are really non-acedemic, I dislike petty celebrity drama and people who are obsessed with films.

That's just preference, it's not gender based. Some of my hobbies are male dominated, some are female. I have friends that complement both and I have friends that are polar opposite. I don't think that's dictated by gender, and I would like to think the male friends I have see me as a friend and not an inconvenience. Sure, some people prefer friends of their own gender, but some also have terrible experiences. I think this is a weird, borderline sex-obsessed take that minimises the complexity of both men and women.

BoogersAndSugar · 2021-03-24T12:37:56+00:00

As a general rule, opposite-sex friendships tend to be risky. But exceptions happen, and it CAN be done. The key is firm boundaries and mutual understanding/respect on both sides.

Kelevracado4287 · 2021-03-24T13:25:20+00:00

Meh. Most of my friends my whole life have been primarily women.

ayeayefitlike · 2021-03-24T13:31:12+00:00

Yeah it’s bollocks imo. Not only the bit about men not wanting female friends and women wanting male friends, but all the way down to the fact that plenty of men don’t even like sports... if anything, I’m far more into sports than most of my close male friends.

People who can’t have opposite sex friendships are either too caught up in what other people think (from kids and cooties to adults implying you’re banging), are totally reducing the opposite sex to their stereotypes instead of treating them as individuals (necessary for friendship!), or they use friendship as a cover for romantic intentions. That’s my 2p.

colgateexpert · 2021-03-24T13:38:31+00:00

Opposite sex friendships can work but they mostly don't. Besides, why be friends with a woman? Men are both easier to befriend and provide better entertainment. No man has ever said "I wanna get shit face drunk with my FEMALE friends tonight". Wander why?

KomSaaDeHvie · 2021-03-24T14:01:28+00:00

It is true mostly. My interrest is not what women find interresting. But it doesnt have to be just that. Last week i was with a group of friend (4) and we was just talking for hours about technology, science, will cars fly in 20 years. It have never occoured to me that women ever have been interrested in having such conversation

Besides. If a girl has a boyfriend then it makes it all weird because he might see me as threat. I mostly like being together with 1 friend at a time and you cant be 1 on 1 with a woman because people might think i will try to fuck her

2021-03-24T14:18:26+00:00

It can happen but biology more often then not throws a wrench in the works. If one of you has universally accepted high social status (good looks, charismatic etc etc) that is a lot of what you look for a partner in the first place so it would be difficult to let go of a potentially great partner and keep yourself friend zoned and that will happen for women as well. Women tend to look for partners straight across and up the social status and men tend to be good with straight across and down. This makes it more common for men to be attracted to their female friends. Women can say they only want male friends but usually only if they are similar social status to themselves. But in my experience of the dude is tall super good looking, charming and has ambition and a degree of self sufficiency it’s everything the women is looking for as well and would have much less a desire to maintain a Platonic friendship. Unless they were friends from childhood and had a family like view of each other. So ya I think it can happen but the stars have to align right.

Ohmaygahh · 2021-03-24T14:20:14+00:00

“The truth is that men don’t want to be friends with women (generally agree. We are only blessed with such little time on earth, and even our special allotment of it can be cut tragically short. Most men want to improve their love life , any minute NOT spent on that is a minute wasted).

Men know they don’t understand women (yep),

and they don’t much care (generally agree, how can one care when their nature is so fickle and irrational) . They want women as lovers, as wives, as mothers, but they’re not really interested in them as friends. (generally agree, it's often the case that a woman's interests and agenda don't align with most mens') They have friends. Men are their friends (that is the ideal, but even male-male kinship has been on a dramatic decline and I see that worsening).

And they talk to their male friends about sports, and I have no idea what else. (We talk about life, about struggle, our own personal failures and triumphs, the better of us try to warn other men, mentor the younger ones and be competitive with them to both keep us sharp and train the younger generation. )

Women, on the other hand, are dying to be friends with men. (generally can't speak to that; but from my first hand experiences, they are "dying" to have guys do a lot for them without women having to reciprocate much.) Women know they don’t understand men (this is false, one only needs to see mainstream media, onlyfans, the lamentations of men on deadbedrooms and the redpill, and see first hand how straight forward and simple men are at bars),

and it bothers them: they think that if only they could be friends with them, they would understand them ( I argue they already understand men, the current climate is all about social policing and curtailing male sexuality as much as possible, through shaming and social/financial penalties)and, what’s more and this is their gravest mistake, it would help.” ( we talk past each other most of the time. Men are all to happy to lay out a logical coherent argument but women generally shriek that most men are wrong with no convincing arguments to refute men's positions )

Learningtolove2021 · 2021-03-24T14:30:41+00:00

I think at the time that she wrote this (like almost 35 years ago), it was probably mostly true. I still personally believe men and women can't legitimately be friends, but maybe that's because I've never had a male friend who didn't want to have sex with me - acquaintances certainly, but not a friend.

343-guilty-mendicant · 2021-03-24T14:47:07+00:00

This quote is complete bullshit most of us don’t always look at women as potential partners.

“women on the internet hand, are dying to be friends with men”

No they aren’t 95% of women on this planet don’t care about us and have made that very apparent.

“They want women as lovers”

And what’s wrong with that? I hate it so fucking much when men express their attraction for women we get demonized for it, affection is a human need which men usually have gatekept from us for the most part for our entire lives.

I will never truly understand how people can function with this poor of a perception of reality while at the same time lack basic logical or critical thinking.

Brennelement · 2021-03-24T15:18:48+00:00

There’s a grain of truth to this. A man’s need for a relationship takes precedence over making friends. While both can happen in parallel, I think single guys will spend time and energy looking for a partner over making new friends. In this case, a girl not romantically available, but who would otherwise be a good friend prospect, will get sidelined when other dating opportunities arise. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be friends, he simply prioritizes his needs.

Danger3214 · 2021-03-24T17:14:36+00:00

I have to laugh at all the men in this thread weakly protesting how wrong this quote is like a bunch of simps. No wonder masculinity is in decline. No wonder male suicide is up. There has been too much weakness in men thanks to the rise of feminism. It's created a bunch of wusses too afraid of their own shadow.

jonascf · 2021-03-24T21:02:01+00:00

That's a silly quote.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-03-24T08:31:45+00:00

“The truth is that men don’t want to be friends with women. Men know they don’t understand women, and they don’t much care. They want women as lovers, as wives, as mothers, but they’re not really interested in them as friends. They have friends. Men are their friends. And they talk to their male friends about sports, and I have no idea what else.

I don't agree with this. To date someone they have to be your friend. To be FWBs same. So even if they're only good for being lovers you're still friends. And that's kinda bullshit too. I've had friends who were women in the past and am still good friends with the women who train at my mma gym. I don't particularly want women as friends nor do i particularly not want them. If i hit it off with a woman I'll be friends.

Women, on the other hand, are dying to be friends with men. Women know they don’t understand men, and it bothers them: they think that if only they could be friends with them, they would understand them and, what’s more (and this is their gravest mistake), it would help”

I'm not sure why this. Why would they think being friends with a man would reveal their thought process? Also why would that be a grave mistake?

Imo in the end, people put too much thought in to cross-sexual friendships. People are people. As a woman you ofc must lay the law down and say no, I'm not interested in sex, and be clear and stick to that (i.e. no drunk makeouts). As a man, it's easier for us, we just act normally.

Bad_Routes · 2021-03-24T11:16:28+00:00

I think people take this too literal. Of course men and women can be friends but what they mean is that is an ineffective way to sleep with a woman or get into a relationship if you are a man. A lot of women won't date, sleep with or have a relationship with a guy friend, idk the specifics in psychology but for some reason being friends disqualifies you as a partner. Men want to have sex and you have the guys who are nice become friends with a girl in hopes to eventually work their way up but a girl will most likely disqualify them, if the man makes a move once the girl is comfortable around them if the girl finds it awkward, gross, or creepy then she can choose to stop contact with that man because "he just wanted to fuck". In that reality the man worked for an outcome by trying to be nice, friendly and comfortable around her but didn't get what he wanted which can be sex or a relationship.

I understand what you might be thinking, women aren't obligated to have sex with a man just because he's nice, treats them well etc etc. And you are correct, but if that is the case then don't expect men to put in the work to befriend women if it rarely leads to that outcome where they get what they want too. That's why a lot if men don't want to be friends with women they can be friends with men and get comrades and get support. They can't control how women feel about them when they become friends with one another, so there is little sense in becoming close friends women you want to sleep with/date it is a waste if time. Become friends with girls you don't want to have a relationship/sleep with if that's a possible standard.

When I say this whole thing it implies the friend zone to a lot of people, probably. Its not just a small specific rare occurrence, a lot of guys see this in high-school, college and beyond. If there weren't a lot of truth to this then it could be dismissed. But everytime you talk to a guy in this type if situation it is the same thing, he tries to build a friendship then move onto the couple thing, thats what people keep telling them. They are told this over and over and it doesn't work, that is where you get "nice guys". And you can't really blame them when this idea of becoming friends with women first is constantly reinforced in their minds. So all in all men and women can be friends, men shouldn't be friends with women in order to sleep with them or get a relationship; it is a waste of his time to do all the leg work and reap nothing if being friends disqualifies men from sleeping with women in the woman's eyes.

Let me know what you think whether you agree or disagree.

nosecandy · 2021-03-24T11:28:41+00:00

just because it's in a movie doesn't make it true. it's the personal opinion of the writer.

LabNo3096 · 2021-03-24T11:30:58+00:00

From my experiences being a friend for woman means I do I lots of stuff for her, i.e. I was always of certain utility for her. It's generally a bad deal for men because many girls are just entitled.

Only now, when I matured I have some female friends, but they still think how they can use me (DIY, etc.). It's just I am better at telling them 'no'.

geyejoe7 · 2021-03-24T08:45:31+00:00

I do not agree, here's why...

While I do agree that there can't be naturally forming friendships between men and women, like there are between women and women, and men and men, I do think you can form strong bonds that are just on a friendship level, with the opposite sex.

Conditions to female and male friendships (at least one of these has to be met):

the man is not sexually attracted to women
the woman is not sexually attracted to men
the man made it clear he's not sexually attracted to HER
the WOMAN made it clear she's not sexually attracted to HIM
the man is already in a monogamous relationship
the woman is already in a monogamous relationship

Only under one or more of these conditions can a woman and a man be friends. However...

Just because a condition has to be met, doesn't mean that you can't form deep bonds with a person of the other sex. Women might wanna understand men, and men might wanna understand women. This quote assumes men are not interested in women for anything but sex and relationships which is completely untrue.

EusticeSymington · 2021-03-24T12:42:37+00:00

Agree. Women are doing their best to be parodies of men. Copying everything we do.

DetectivePure503 · 2021-03-24T09:21:33+00:00

I have one female friend and she‘s one of the better friends I have in my life. But besides her I can‘t imagine having female friends, because I don‘t want to waste my time in some woman’s orbit. How the friendship started and how deep it goes plays a big role. Getting offered the friendzone is humiliating and I‘d rather go on without this woman in my life, since I didn’t get what I wanted and don‘t want to stick around just to be her emotional punching bag. A shallow and very thin friendship between co workers or friend’s friends can work. But it’s always risky to dig deeper. In general I think that opposite sex friendships are destined to fail, sooner or later someone’s love life will be a problem for the other person. And it’s quite hypocritical to say that you can be friends with a woman you are sexually interested in. We‘ve all been there and it always ends in a big dramatic shitshow of feelings.

Os2099 · 2021-03-24T12:10:33+00:00

Everyone will have their own subjective view, what i will say is that from what I've seen personally women will want the dude that they deny a relationship to stay around as a "friend". Essentially saying i want your attention, but nothing else to do with you. Besides this people who are married or in serious long term relationships, are not going to be having a lot of friends from the opposite sex. You will also most likely get along with the same sex for friendships, i don't want to talk about makeup, Kardashian, zodiac signs. Just like most girls don't want to talk about sports, video games etc.

2021-03-24T13:37:31+00:00

There are exceptions, but I agree with the sentiment.

superlurkage · 2021-03-24T19:25:23+00:00

I disagree that women don’t understand men. They do, but the truth is pretty depressing, so they try to change it through friendship and other relationships with men

In most cases it is futile, but I respect the effort

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-03-24T10:59:31+00:00

My circle of what I would actually truly call friends is small and there is one woman in there that I've known from childhood, and there's female acquaintances but I could be friends with somebody as long as there's no attraction there sure

GunnzzNRoses · 2021-03-24T11:28:17+00:00

I'm mixed. Almost all of my female friends were friends with benefits, but I had amazing friendships with them. I've known many women who thought on my wavelength and were like a sister to me. I mean I still banged them, but y'know. I feel like you can see them as both a friend and a sexual partner.

singdontcry · 2021-03-25T08:01:06+00:00

It's such a stupid way to view friendships. Whoever you are, you can make genuine connections with fucking anyone because we all share the experience of existing as human beings. Who cares what genitals someone has? Make connections, make friends and listen to their perspectives- no matter who you come in contact with.

throwaway82643898 · 2021-03-24T10:51:47+00:00

Men can relate to other men.

GrandRub · 2021-03-24T11:07:41+00:00

i dont care for sports and have some female friends - but i would say that quote is 75% true ;)

Hoopy223 · 2021-03-24T14:37:22+00:00

That quote is hilariously wrong but I can see why it would appeal to the target audience. It is from a romance book after all.

Kisuloli · 2021-03-24T16:17:53+00:00

It’s kinda sad that people still argue about this tbh but here’s my opinion.

Men and women can be friends. I mean isn’t it fun to talk with someone who was born, raised, and treated differently from you. Imagine all the cool shit you can learn about. I’ve talked to friends about topics I’ve never even knew existed nor do I even understand but it’s still fun to find knew things.

I’ve also seen comments about “just because you wanna fck them doesn’t make them a friend” and to that I say, you one dimensional fck how close minded can you be. Ive had friends who were hot, I’d tap that shit... but I don’t. Why? Cuz I just want a friend, not a sex friend. A number of reasons could also be said about why not to get down with you friend such as “dude we’re just friends”, “you’re like family to me man”, or my favorite, “I ain’t a thirsty mtf”.

GYN-k4H-Q3z-75B · 2021-03-24T12:57:34+00:00

I was ready to call this statement useless, but thinking a little more about it, there is at least a partial truth in it. Men and women don't really understand each other. Nora Ephron did not seem to understand men herself either and just wrote what she thought they worked like. Sometimes I myself feel like I don't understand them.

The point is we don't have to fully understand each other in order to support a working friendship or relationship even. One might argue that I have some pretty RP-like views, but at the same time, most of my friends are actually women. And I mean like actual friends for many years.

It's almost like you can sometimes get lucky and meet people who are not garbage, regardless of their sex.

festethefoole1 · 2021-03-24T13:26:55+00:00

I don’t think this is true in the slightest. In my experience women are the ones who are perfectly content with friends of their own gender and only having men as prospective romantic partners, whilst many men (especially those who are single) would love a bit more female company, even if non-sexual, just for a bit of companionship, female input and finally just the added bonus of the extra social life and prospects of expanding the circle of women you meet.

darkredpintobeans · 2021-03-24T13:50:31+00:00

Neither gender is very mysterious or complicated, we're all just monkeys really. Some of my best friends have been men and they weren't ever trying to get in my pants, it's not like men's dicks control everything about them.

ridderrobby · 2021-03-24T13:58:54+00:00

I can see this being relevant, not necessarily accurate, for single people that tend to be prioritizing relationships over friendships but otherwise big nono

Feedlydee · 2021-03-24T14:27:00+00:00

Glad to see folks taking the nuanced approach in this thread— I thought I might go insane from the amount of times I’ve seen people take the position in the OP. I think that, clearly, men and women can and do value traits in the opposite sex that make friendship with them interesting and worthwhile.

I also don’t acknowledge the argument that “men and women can’t be just friends because the sex thing gets in the way. My friendships with the opposite sex don’t look the same as friendships with the same gender.” I don’t think this invalidates opposite sex friendships at all. Of course the relationships aren’t the same. Men and women aren’t the same.

forceofslugyuk · 2021-03-24T14:30:23+00:00

Nora is full of shit with her generalization. Sure, anyone can not want to be friends and prefer a certain facets over something deeper. But..... everyone else who isn't that?

Fit_Toe_329 · 2021-03-24T15:36:58+00:00

I have two female friends who I actually love and view as my family - I rarely see that between two different genders.

HOWEVER as far as 'mates" go - mixed gender friendships work really well. I have male friends who I've known for a decade and they are the kinds of people I can just ring out the blue and stay on the phone for an hour.

Chemical-Ad3703 · 2021-03-24T15:39:19+00:00

I have a great male friend. We don’t talk often but when we do we catch up on the latest we encourage each other, share things about our kids and our families. We do this every couple of months. We’ve been able to help each other through some tough times.

thro_away_2021 · 2021-03-24T15:57:24+00:00

I disagree.

I really enjoy female company in a friendship space.

Now I will admit, if it’s two single friends, that changes things, as there is always the potential of sexual tension.

But overall, no I disagree.

When socializing with a friend group, I MUCHMUCHMUCH prefer an even-ish ratio of male/female.

Urbantexasguy · 2021-03-24T16:02:03+00:00

I think the quote is BS. The best friend I've ever had, is a woman, we've been best buds for over 22 years.

Pilling_it · 2021-03-24T16:14:26+00:00

As I said before : possible if there's no attraction whatsoever from either. Needless to say, exceptionally rare.

That being said, I've been attracted to some women before I'd rather keep as friends because they seem to have influence in their social circle, and that shit is valuable.

As far as discussion go, I'd rather have them with men as they care more to go in depth about the subject themselves when they're passionate about it. Of course, I've also seen exceptions, but those are waaay too rare to be relevant.

2021-03-24T16:17:16+00:00

I 100% agree with the part about men. I know for sure I don't want to have much to do with women that are not family or I am fucking. As for the part about women wanting men as friends I don't know, I don't really think so , I don't give a fuck.

Morelike-Borophyll · 2021-03-24T16:19:24+00:00

This quote’s not relevant to the internet age. This sort of character- the neurotic New Yorker was frequently written into scripts in the 80/90s. Sometimes as an actual psychiatrist. Tv may or may not rot your brain, but movies should share a huge portion of the blame for generations of failed relationships- platonic or otherwise.

SaBahRub · 2021-03-24T16:33:52+00:00

There’s men women can be friends with. Just a lot fewer than most women think. Also, there’s many levels of friendship

So I kind of agree, but it’s still too reductionist

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-03-24T16:35:46+00:00

Dismiss men here saying they don't want to bang their girl friends. They have neither bang nor girl friends.

Understanding women? Bullshit. What is there to understand? Are women some kind of genious speanink in a code lenguage? Like, come on most of them aren't even that deep and intresting.

I think men and women can be good friends though, I have a good girl friend I confide everything to, she's beautiful, amazing, lovely, beautiful, considerated, smart, fun, caring and extremely beautiful... Did I say she is beautiful? Absolutely smooth. Super hot.

I want to bang her, and the feeling is mutual. But I'm engaged and she's in a long term relationship too so no Big Bang is happening. So we are just really good friends.

Teflon08191 · 2021-03-24T16:36:42+00:00

Roughly true with some exceptions. I don't know if women are "dying to be friends with men" but they do certainly make an active effort to seek out "male-spaces" to incorporate themselves into. I think that has more to do with women trying to "keep tabs" on men rather than wanting to be friends with them though.

So yeah, roughly true.

YveisGrey · 2021-03-24T16:38:40+00:00

There must be some truth to it considering how many men get butt hurt over being “friend-zoned”— which is when a man pretends to be a woman’s friend so he can have sex with her and then gets mad when she actually wants to be friends with him and not have sex with him.

With that said I have male friends for years now who never got upset with me for not having sex with them so...

Reyeactable · 2021-03-24T16:54:28+00:00

Mem and women can definitely be friends but first the man needs to have all his needs for a woman fulfilled, if he wants sex a constant supply of sex, if he wants a girlfriend or a wife then a gf or a wife

Other wise every woman he befriends will be seen as a opportunity to get those things

So a woman can definitely be friends with a man that has no romantic need for a woman since he is fulfilled already, but if he doesn't he'll try something sooner or later

IcarusKiki · 2021-03-24T17:01:36+00:00

It’s pretty accurate as a baseline but of course there’s nuance in the real world. Men and women can be friends without strings attracted but usually not BFFs or close friends, more like acquaintances. Of course women with a more masculine brain can make friends with the opposite gender easily and vice versa with feminine men. I think the issue is that men and women have different ideas of what friends are for the most part. Women are a lot more intimate with their friends and a lot of how they socialize is feelings based while men do activities with their friends. So naturally the woman might want an emotionally deeper friendship with the man than the guy is expecting, leading to the “friend zone” feeling because men see this as a romantic relationship without the sex while the woman just sees this as a typical friendship.

red-tea-rex · 2021-03-24T17:08:52+00:00

I think the quote is backwards. Women don't want male friends, they (usually) want lovers, husband's, providers, protectors. I have sought out female friends in years past and frequently got the vibe that either they were attracted to me but playing the friend card to be near me, or they wanted something (transportation, free drinks, etc.). Like trying to friend zone me even though I was seeking a friendship specifically. Once I figured out it was a relationship of convenience, I tested it to see if they would return the favor by being useful to me as my wing woman to meet other women. Nope. No introductions, no ice breakers, no good words even to their own friends and acquaintances. They wanted the benefits without the fees, and worse, they didn't want to share the benefits. Not worth the time.

2021-03-24T17:09:05+00:00

Hell nah. Female friendships can be dope. There’s a caring and nurturing quality you don’t necessarily get from male friendships. Though there can be problems if one side is attracted to the other. I find sometimes my best female friendships come if one or the other of us is in a relationship, or dating is not on the table. But +1 for female friendships.

KobaLeaderofRedArmy · 2021-03-24T17:20:56+00:00

It's half true in that men mostly don't want female friends as women neither can nor even want to understand us. I would add that most men that actively seek out female friends do it either for clout as social proof or to practice talking to women. However that second half with all the bullshit about women wanting male friends? No, that's a load of shit. Male "friends" fall into two categories:

A. the orbiters she's absorbing validation/attention from

B. the chads she knows who she's either slept with or who aren't starved for female affection and can have more casual interactions usually

2021-03-24T17:29:51+00:00

Men like female friends with benefits. Sexual benefits.

Women like male friends with all the other benefits.

They say it's only men with a sense of (sexual) entitlement but I disagree. If women used and exploited their female friends like they use and exploit their simping male friends, they'd HAVE no friends.

Women do very well with their friendships and exploiting male thirst. When called on it, they say "Well, it's his fault he can't handle a non-sexual relationship with me."

Men who want sex but hang around and simp for women who won't give it to them are (a) pathetic and (b) turning inherently entitled women into narcissistic entitled monsters.

Throwaway_for_redd · 2021-03-24T17:35:21+00:00

No, I do not. I, a man, am friends with multiple women because they’re nice to be around. Like, it’s the same as any guy friend. We joke around and act like normal friends.

ThroughAway98 · 2021-03-24T17:41:41+00:00

This just seems wildly immature. I’d imagine seldom do adults go their entire lives without finding people of the other gender they can grow emotionally deep friendships with and wouldn’t ruin it for a one time sex act

michael1962-01 · 2021-03-24T17:42:11+00:00

A woman cannot be a friend.

AlphaBetablue · 2021-03-24T17:45:35+00:00

I agree with the qoute, but sometimes I feel like my guy friends give me looks too.

I think you can only be friends with girls that are in your circle.

2021-03-24T17:46:00+00:00

It’s possible for men & women to be friends. The problem is that most people dont necessarily understand how each gender views friendship in the first place.

When you do & allow your views to change, or perhaps you just grew up that way - you can definitely have platonic friendships with the other gender. With that being said, not easy to find.

2021-03-24T17:58:04+00:00

Agreed. Unless she's butt ugly then we can be friends cause I ain't touchin that.

Naive_Way333 · 2021-03-24T18:09:08+00:00

Makes sense in this brainwashed world.

When you’re truly enlightened, you don’t worry about anything anymore. Including friends, worrying about your health or getting sick...

Doesn’t mean you can’t have everything and more. I simply mean, there’s nothing to worry about. I’m not trying to have sex with every female I meet since I have a lovely girlfriend. I would love to have more girl-friends, but not sexually unless my partner wants that, and she does. But I’m not going out chasing girls trying to get us all to hookup. I love myself and don’t need sex to make me feel better. I can do nothing and be super happy. Drinking water, breathing, exercising, getting sunshine, the simple things are what matter the most. I’m a simple man with a huge plan and this realm hasn’t even seen the beginning of it...

Random vent, I know.

Competitive-Cuddling · 2021-03-24T18:21:52+00:00

It’s bullshit. The only real difference between men and women, is physical strength, and the fact that on whole, men tend to want to have sex much more often and more RECREATIONALLY then women. This is due to inherent biological differences, that create different risk/reward equations for men vs women. Any other differences are on account of individuality among humans. All you have to do is look at gay couple patterns to see how the genders self select behavior when not in a hetero paradigm.

S0mnariumx · 2021-03-24T18:28:30+00:00

Nah its inaccurate. I got several good female friends, its nice cause they offer a different perspective and can be real supportive. My male friends are cool too but I primarily game, jam or watch football with them. I have (and with one still lingering) had feelings for them before but I typically get over it and still enjoy their company

2021-03-24T18:28:53+00:00

They want women as lovers, as wives, as mothers, but they’re not really interested in them as friends.

Friends help you move.

Real friends help you move a body.

My wife would move a body for me.

I think the core issue isn't that men don't want women as friends as much as women rarely do things outside of being lovers, wives and mothers that men are interested in.

Its why real gamer girls, or women who fish, or women who are really into sports are often so sought after. Men want to be friends with women but we don't have a lot in common to be friends besides the sexual side of life.

MyDarlingGirl · 2021-03-24T18:37:12+00:00

I've had a few male friends over the years through school and work. They all had other female friends (I was certainly not their first or only female friend). It seems like there is a certain breed of man who has mastered the art of talking to women as *gasp* human beings. Women have different conversation styles than men do, and men with a lot of female friends will typically know how to do this.

None of them were interested in me romantically. How do I know? Because I pursued one of them and got rejected, and the other one made it very clear that he only dates women of a specific race (his own). The others were in relationships.

Total_Map_2644 · 2021-03-24T18:37:23+00:00

Men and women can be friends but there is one hurdle. Women have to stop lying to themselves. A guy will be your friend but he also wants to hook up if you are attractive. Women tend to think that their friends don't see them like that and when they learn that their male friends do still want them physically, some feel that the friendship was disingenuous from the beginning.

Friendship and attraction are not two separate streets, but rather different lanes on the same highway.

2021-03-24T18:38:34+00:00

Very untrue, I've been friends with women who are unattractive to me and attractive to me but taken or not my type for a different way and it worked fine. It only becomes hard if one person wants more then friend ship, in that case it becomes shaky and the friendship is usually unsustainable.

zoonose99 · 2021-03-24T18:46:00+00:00

Male friends, sports, I have no idea what else

Nora Ephron is a great writer with a lot more insight into human nature than she's allowing this character to have. The larger point here is you really don't want to be taking relationship advice from meetcute 90s romcom screenplays (yes, I know it came out in 1989), because they are designed to be enjoyable fluff with all the complexity and nuance of a Hallmark greeting card.

towerofcheeeeza · 2021-03-24T18:46:32+00:00

I'm a bisexual woman, but I've honestly never been attracted to any of my friends, male or female, maybe because none have ever been my type. My friend group is about half female / half male, but we never had problems probably because none of us were interested in each other. We weren't attracted to one another at the start and once you get really close, they start feeling more and more like your siblings.

BADorni · 2021-03-24T18:51:06+00:00

I don't agree. Why? Because I do want to be friends with women

no_value_male · 2021-03-24T19:11:42+00:00

Males cannot be friends with women.

Women cannot be friends with Chads.

That is all.

2021-03-24T19:20:15+00:00

Disagreed entirely. I’m a guy and some of my closest, most valued friendships have been with women.

Sometimes there will come women whom you’re friends with but have an attraction or even substantial feelings for, and sometimes you’ll get to act on them but probably wind up in the dreaded friend zone more often than not. Many opposite sex friendships work out fine, however.

It’s really just a matter of how well you two get along, and if there’s legit no attraction other than that between the two of you. Not every interaction is about sex.

2021-03-24T20:14:17+00:00

Kinda, yah.

Women want men and women to be the same.

Men want men and women to be different.

You see this play out at all levels in society. Pay attention and you'll start to see the pattern.

Inclusivity vs Exclusivity,

Equality vs Hierarchy,

Group focus vs Individual focus,

Self-preservation vs Self-sacrifice,

Etcetera, Etcetera...

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-03-24T21:08:31+00:00

Well I think women are more apt to want to be friends with men than vice versa, but really your spouse or partner should be your best friend too.

Usually, men don’t pursue friendships with women they don’t find attractive. So it can be more rare to see platonic male/female friendships. But it still does happen and seems to be more common these days.

No-Insect-4853 · 2021-03-24T21:20:36+00:00

women good, so care men

men bad, so don't care women

give claps and money

2021-03-24T21:27:47+00:00

So men are mentally ill for only wanting sex from a female and nothing else? Should we get a mental health specialist on this to diagnose me or are you going to show me your certificate to prove I'm ill adjusted?

Look you can shame and mock me all you want but I'm not the one who needs validation from a female... an there's got to be some form of ill adjustment right there if you think about it.

Christian_Kong · 2021-03-24T21:56:55+00:00

I don't want to be friends with anyone, I just am friends with some people. With that said:

I have women friends and I would fuck most of them. I ain't making a move on them for the sake of staying friends with them, and the sexual tension(or whatever you want to call it) doesn't really effect things in any meaningful way. I am more than happy being friends and will be that way for as long as I know them.

I am sure some people do apply to the quote above but I don't think it's that way for most people.

ItWasBrokenAlready · 2021-03-24T22:49:44+00:00

It's probably true as a general rule.

Friendship however, just like love, is usually an exception to the general rule.

Robotemist · 2021-03-25T04:46:14+00:00

I think it's very possible for people in their formative years to be friends with the opposite sex.

But as you grow older you place people in boxes based on what they contribute to your life, and friendship tends to be one of the more irrelevant ones for men and women. People don't even bother with the same sex as friends if they don't provide social or financial benefit. And with the opposite sex, the box people are looking to fill will be romantic. If they don't belong in that box, there is no need.

TrickoTreat07 · 2021-03-25T15:01:29+00:00

I grew up with a female best friend. It can happen if your not the type to try to self sabotage every relationship. Platonic is beautiful. She helps with break ups/ stuff you can't ask other guys / feelings stuff. And she'll never take it as weakness because they are so usedbto talking about this vs a partner who would . Wish more people had access to this we would see men's mental health improve

Salkoo8 · 2021-03-30T22:42:27+00:00

As a woman, I’ve never felt a need to have a guy friend - if I was getting this close with some guy it’s because I was interested in them romantically.

Title	Q4All: What do you think of this quote about opposite sex friendships?
Author	Danger3214
Upvotes	85
Comments	287
Date	March 24, 2021 8:15 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/mc0lju/q4all_what_do_you_think_of_this_quote_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4all-what-do-you-think-of-this-quote-about.1189434 https://theredarchive.com/post/1189434

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