Do women actually approach men if they truly like them?

MasterTeacher123 · 2023-03-27T17:11:21+00:00

A woman can think a dude is attractive in a vacuum but not attractive enough to actually approach. Generally speaking if she’s cold approaching you and being direct she’s gotta think you’re like a stud stud.

TheSongsInYourHead · 2023-03-27T18:03:57+00:00

Women don't "approach" the way men approach. They orbit, they find reasons to be around you. I've never been straight asked out on a date by a woman, but I generally find it pretty transparent when they're interested. Generally if they show any unprompted enthusiasm about being with or around you, then you can be pretty sure she's into you.

Men and women are pretty similar in that neither really shows much interest in people of the opposite sex unless they'd like to sleep with them. So if a woman shows interest at all, she's probably interested.

chalkandapples · 2023-03-27T17:21:27+00:00

Women do approach but, keep the following in mind. Whether someone approaches you probably has more to do with their personality than you. Some people will approach you at the drop of a hat but might feel only a bit of attraction towards you, for others they might be obsessed with you but take all of their willpower just to send a smile your way.

Also, compared to men, it takes a much higher threshold of "liking you" for women to approach. Because women aren't expected to approach, the average man will be more comfortable and practiced approaching than it will be for an average woman. So it will take more incentive for women to venture out of their comfort zone to approach you.

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-03-27T17:14:44+00:00

The women who approach you are 1/20th of the women who think your attractive enough to fuck.

bison5595 · 2023-03-27T17:22:50+00:00

Yes, women do approach men, but you have to be attractive physically.

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-03-27T18:01:19+00:00

I’m a women, I’ve approached guys, my main method was to start it as a group thing and then slowly isolate us both somewhere quiet, it worked a few times but I’ve also had 2 guys that made it painfully obvious they weren’t into me, it hurt but they weren’t arseholes about it and we moved on

Pizzashillsmom · 2023-03-27T17:18:50+00:00

They do, but the standard is sky high for this to happen. She has to be basically obsessed with you for this to happen.

bodaciousbonsai · 2023-03-27T17:57:41+00:00

If you define approach as "approaching a stranger you are attracted to and attempting to start a conversation," then no, the majority of women do not do this, no matter how much they like the man.

TurtleDickSlap · 2023-03-27T17:30:21+00:00

Women (generally) rarely approach men, especially if they're attractive because women fear rejection.

Women do not want to lose the right of first refusal. The most they will do is make themselves available and drop hints, but they absolutely loathe being the one that has to make the first move.

Bumble , the app where women message first, is a good example.

KingWhoCared86 · 2023-03-27T17:22:54+00:00

Every girl I dated approached me first. Mostly because I was completely oblivious they were into me.

Wildernessinabox · 2023-03-27T17:46:05+00:00

Just like men women will approach if A, they're that invested in meeting you, and B, they feel safe or confident enough to do so. It's really not that complicated. Everyone is different, some will, some won't. Others will try to get your attention in less obvious ways.

Society as it stands right now is pretty darn antisocial, so its no wonder few people really get asked out much anymore, given how much dating is online now. You need to think that people will 80% of the time take the path of least resistance or effort/personal risk.

orbstnedifnocdesab · 2023-03-27T17:54:44+00:00

women approach men but they do if the guys good looking enough

wtknight · 2023-03-27T19:16:30+00:00

I’ve had women approach me but they were below the level of women that I could attract if I approached women myself. I suppose that’s okay for some guys, but I prefer to optimize.

Coolio_Street_Racer · 2023-03-27T19:17:57+00:00

Women do approach, pretty rarley but it does happen. If it doesn't happen to you, you don't look good enough for that to happen.

CimZim · 2023-03-27T17:16:21+00:00

I prefer approaching just as a general matter of course, it is easier to control a situation like striking up a conversation if I'm the initiator. However I know a lot of women prefer being the one who is asked. If they really like or are physically attracted to a man who isn't picking up her social cues, even a normally passive woman would probably approach though.

meangingersnap · 2023-03-27T18:22:16+00:00

in the past before my relationship I definitely approached men in my life, the last one I went to a bar a couple times and the bartender was cute and sweet so the third or fourth time I slid him a piece of paper with my number, he texted me and it went from there. however I don’t think that most girls would approach but I’m that bitch 💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻

jonascf · 2023-03-27T19:03:48+00:00

Some women will approach a man they like, for sure, but I think that's very rare.

In my experience a better sign of a girl liking you is that she displays an eagerness to remain in your presence even if there are other places to be.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-03-27T19:16:34+00:00

It happens but it’s rare. More often she will give you subtle or not so subtle hints to come over.

CommunicationNo9896 · 2023-03-27T20:44:43+00:00

Women rather open a conversation, ask for a favor, etc. to motivate the guy to approach. They usually don't want to look desperate or lusty.

For men like me with little experience with women it seems they don't approach at all, but the fact is that when they do it looks so unbelievable, we make it seems it is just part of our imagination, or we are assuming wrong (which can be true). So we don't get cues, but men who do keep getting and taking advantages of the cues. So women's strategy of approach makes men with no experience get nothing and men with experience get even more options. No wonder women complain they are dating the same guys, as those guys are the ones noticing their cues better and other men have no point of reference.

So we should choose porn and accept we are likely going to die alone, later found rotten in an apartment, in a few decades. So you can make this your life and don't stress about delusions that women will ever love you because it is likely most of us will die alone. To be happy, keep your hopes low.

I remember a nice female neighbor I have came to my apartment to talk shit we knew about the parking gates not working. I did not feed the conversation so that probably made her feel rejected enough to not talk or smile to me anymore as she used to. Of course, I realized it too late, but women often claim they also feel rejected if the guy don't keep the wheel spinning, because women cannot push harder without looking desperate or promiscuous.

NockerJoe · 2023-03-27T17:24:30+00:00

Some do. Not many, but it has happened to me. But a lot of the time it takes a woman a while to actually work up the courage to. In terms of experience approaching an adult woman at 25 is probably equal to an awkward 17 year old boy with maybe a couple of crushes is my estimate, just because they probably haven't had to actually do it before. I've known women for days or weeks or months where there was chemistry and if I didn't make a move I could kind of see them building themselves up to ask the question. The fastest I ever saw a woman work was in one day and it took her the whole day to ask.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-03-27T17:37:00+00:00

I approached my first husband. In retrospect I am not proud of it though.

Decent-Zombie-5513 · 2023-03-27T17:57:43+00:00

I find most of them make it clear if they find you attractive. They don't act like men but they make or get someone else to make it clear to you.

TheDustLord · 2023-03-27T18:28:24+00:00

Yes, I’ve been approached several times as a man, by both women and men. Feels good when it’s a woman ☺️

warramite · 2023-03-27T19:40:00+00:00

Yes they do.. How explicit they do so depends on your SMV. A famous guy or really rich guy they'll just ask to come over to your place and fuck. But if you're not extremely valuable in her eyes, then at best she'll just put herself in your vicinity but never make any moves

"What do you like in a girl?"

"Are you dating?"

"You never invite me anywhere"

Of course how often she initiates conversations or texts you is a very good sign of that... if she's texting you 6 times in a row every now and then asking what you doing or good morning text, she probably likes you

But they'll rarely ever make a move or ask you out until they're ABSOLUTELY certain "I want this guy as my boyfriend"

Your mother is very much correct. If no woman is offering themselves it means no woman looks at you and thinks "I can't lose this opportunity with this man, I have to try" i.e no woman finds you extremely valuable but thats just the default male experience.. most men will experience that very few times

Antisocialite99 · 2023-03-27T20:06:08+00:00

I dunno but it sounds like you don't have a great mom.

modidlee · 2023-03-27T20:08:14+00:00

From what I heard they stare at the back of the guys head and send a “come do me” telepathic signal

SeemedGood · 2023-03-28T05:46:12+00:00

Your mom did you a solid by telling you the straight truth without sugar-coating it. Respect!

Women regularly approach, hit on, ask out, and initiate sexual intimacy with men to whom they are actually attracted - often extremely aggressively so.

In fact, I would go so far as to say that if a woman is not aggressively pursuing you, she’s not attracted enough to you for any sort of healthy LTR to develop. The only exceptions being women who are convinced that you wouldn’t give them the time of day if they asked for whatever reason, but they still tend to admire you very awkwardly from the sidelines if they are attracted to you.

If you are a social man and not being regularly approached and hit on by women, you need to focus on getting your poop in a group.

shadowofdoubt13 · 2023-03-28T06:13:32+00:00

They may not approach but they will:

-stare at you

-send their friend to talk to you

-stand near you

-find a excuse to talk to you

januaryphilosopher · 2023-03-27T17:21:38+00:00

Some do, others don't. Really liking someone generally increases your fear of screwing up and women are often taught or learn that men see then approaching as screwing up. Even men often won't approach those they're really into because they're too shy or scared or it just isn't a good situation to approach in.

VehementlyDrawn · 2023-03-27T18:00:47+00:00

Women only approach if you're way way out of their league. At least that's been my experience, the women I can get on my own from approaching are always much better looking.

come_crawling_faster · 2023-03-27T18:49:11+00:00

They don't approach but they "make themselves available"

Instead of avoiding you at the park, she stops and pets your dog and asks what her name is, etc

LowCreddit · 2023-03-27T18:35:28+00:00

Not all women do, but some do. If you have never been approached by a woman, then none of them like you. This is the reality for most men. You are probably in the background as "meh" and need to create reactions in women to make them interested.

RP-MJ · 2023-03-27T17:14:46+00:00

On average, women don't approach men at all since yes they find majority of guys unattractive and because it's not something expected of them aka pursuers

Also majority of women have low confidence so yea

Safinated · 2023-03-27T17:14:55+00:00

We take away barriers, which most men never have up in the first place. That’s plenty

BrummieAMN19 · 2023-03-27T17:16:36+00:00

Yeah but they’re clapped, only like 2/10 are passible for attractive and one maybe is a phone number. Hot girls just give blatant signs in my experience.

NotMattDamien · 2023-03-27T17:36:34+00:00

Yes 3 different cases: 1. They find him irresistibly attractive 2. They are size queens and know without doubt he has a huge shlong. 3. They know they can materially/financially gain from the man.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-03-27T17:56:36+00:00

But recently I've seen women come out and say that this is not the case and that if a woman TRULY likes you she will approach, not wait for you to come to her and will make it easy for you.

I disagree. Women with a lot of suitors never have a chance to approach, and some are conservative or insecure. The men who get approached are men with a large social circle, men who are gregarious or easy to talk to. Men who women spend a lot of time with or interact with on a regular basis.

Whether or not a woman approaches depends entirely on how comfortable she is with a man and how she feels about approaching. Not about how much she desires him. I think your mother was aiming for a platitude instead of taking the time to explain.

justforlulz12345 · 2023-03-27T19:30:51+00:00

Yes.

anyone who says otherwise is lying.

Women will approach chad (the only type of guy they like). If you approached a woman and succeeded, remember she just settled for you and will leave you when she gets bored and/or a better guy comes along. Hence why divorce rates are sky high.

AutoModerator · 2023-03-27T17:07:52+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

2023-03-27T17:10:03+00:00

I think so because look at Drake

vtribal · 2023-03-27T18:05:12+00:00

bigpapirick · 2023-03-27T18:27:10+00:00

Yes, women do approach and send drinks, etc.

In casual situations its easy to misconstrue because we aren't used to it but it is better to err on the side of caution anyway in these things.

At a bar/expected ground for such behavior, they will approach and do what men normally do if they are interested. Clearly not ALL of them but some definitely do.

BlueMountainDace · 2023-03-27T18:38:40+00:00

Yes they do. Of my major LTRs, two approached me, including my wife.

The first was my first major girlfriend during college. We'd been friends for almost a year (freshman year), and towards the middle of second semester she mustered up the courage to ask me out. I'd just gotten out of a bad relationship and, while I liked her, I didn't want to say yes because I didn't know if I'd be saying yes because I liked her or because it was a rebound. After I had more distance from the bad relationships, I asked her out the beginning of sophomore year. We dated for the rest of college and few years after that.

My wife also approached me during a birthday party of a mutual friend.

Whether it was because I was attractive or because they'd already grown to like me, they both approached me and showed interested before I did.

For the other two longer-term ones it was kind of mutual. We were in the right space at the right time, though I did make the first move.

People make the first move because their want of that thing is great. Most men, especially younger men, want sex impulsively while most women don't. That is why we ask women out or approach women far more than they approach us.

But, as someone who wasn't about ONS and was looking for a relationship to find a life partner, it ended up being 50/50 because women often do what relationships.

2023-03-27T19:22:24+00:00

I struck up conversation with my last ex at a party and got the ball moving. I also messaged my current bf first on tinder.

2023-03-27T19:27:34+00:00

Not typically, no. They will throw what they consider “obvious signals” and if you don’t pick up on them…. they take that as rejection.

LordWeaselton · 2023-03-27T19:38:29+00:00

It’s very rare but it’s thankfully becoming a bit more common

dumbbitchcas · 2023-03-27T19:39:41+00:00

I would never approach first. its very very rare ill even fallow a guy on social media first. im not going to be labeled the creepy psycho bitch thanks.

the way most woman make the first move is looking at you honestly.

DoinIt989 · 2023-03-27T20:10:01+00:00

Yes. I'm 5'6 - should be doomed to date obese broads at best according to PPD - and I've had very attractive women legitimately smitten over me, like to the point I was uncomfortable with their approaches.

Broads are thirtsry AF. You just gotta be cool with it and know the score.

modidlee · 2023-03-27T20:10:17+00:00

I don’t know why guys are obsessed with wanting women to approach them. The women that approached me throughout my life usually turned out to be what a lot of people would call hoes. If she’s so comfortable approaching you just know it’s because she’s had a lot of practice

Dagenius1 · 2023-03-27T20:20:20+00:00

Lol..Women approaching men is the super minority among women and will always be.

Sure if you really have the goods a lady may put herself out there but more than likely she’s going to position herself to where you come talk to her as opposed to her making cold approach.

No matter how much we re-examine gender roles and society changes, the majority of women I know would still rather die than approach a man.

whitehack · 2023-03-27T21:07:26+00:00

It’s happened to me a few times. But it still rarely happens even to guys who it happens to like me.

I’ve never actually gotten laid off it directly but I used to be best friends with a guy who did once and it started by her asking him for directions, at the train station and then 2 hours later they were in bed f***ing.

jackedsoon · 2023-03-27T21:19:04+00:00

no, but theyll be more forward

cassowaryy · 2023-03-27T21:28:23+00:00

In my experience, even when a girl “approaches” it’s more that she just signals interest. She’s still putting the ball in your court and expecting you to make the moves / do the courting. And that’s not bad, because that’s how it is designed to be by nature. Just accept that ultimately approaching and sealing the deal is your responsibility. Her responsibility is to keep you around after sex. If she doesn’t treat you great and is not relationship material, then just enjoy the intimacy while it lasts and move on. Know your role

RidingRedHare · 2023-03-27T21:32:15+00:00

It happens, yes. However, often it is more ambiguous than a man would be.

"I heard you will be moving. I could travel (300 miles) to your place and help you move." What exactly is that supposed to mean? You don't know, and that's by design.

Oli_love90 · 2023-03-27T21:34:55+00:00

For a guy I know - If I get crystal clear signs that a guy likes me I’ll hang around him more. Be a little flirty and invite him places.

Guys I don’t know - I would never approach some random guy in public even if he was really cute. If we had a natural dialogue then maybe I’d chat but cold approaches rarely work in my opinion.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-03-27T21:35:20+00:00

Do women actually approach men if they truly like them?

More now than ever in human history.

One of the top dating apps in the US right now is based on only women being able to initiate/approach. It continues to rise in popularity and has one of the most balanced gender ratios on the apps as well.

That being said, it is still men doing most of the approaching if you look at overall dating.

But that has been changing slowly for decades.

Keep in mind, even if you are a woman who grows up in a progressive environment, for every 'empowering' message there are twenty telling you to keep chaste, to not appear desperate, to be careful of not initiating in a way a man might find emasculating, et cetera.

There is a lot of cultural pressure against women initiating but it is being overcome and over time it will likely change.

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-03-27T22:18:58+00:00

I’d say it’s less “approach” and moreso put themselves into situations where they can have the plausible deniability of running into you.

Years ago there was a young coworker of mine, total smoke show, who knew I had just ended my precious LTR. Incredibly, she suddenly needed to be around my area of the building more, at group happy hours I attended and magically had “extra”coffees in the morning to disperse. She later told me she just needed excuses to see me.

RealAmericanWeasel · 2023-03-27T22:25:05+00:00

It has never happened to me but legend has it.

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2023-03-27T22:56:02+00:00

2023-03-28T00:01:56+00:00

Women suck dick

Slavicgoddess23 · 2023-03-28T00:27:35+00:00

Yes, usually outgoing ones do in public easy. If she is more introvert she will try and slide in slowly, be more shy but probably add you on socials.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-03-28T01:08:43+00:00

Depends on the woman. More shy women won’t ever approach you. More outgoing ones will. How progressive or traditional she is matters too. For the most part, women are more indirect in their approaches. If she “just happens” to be wherever you are frequently and always strikes up a conversation, that’s a good indication she likes you.

MyUpSeemsDown · 2023-03-28T02:05:00+00:00

Based on the girl imo. I had a girl chase me outside the restaurant that me and my family were eating at just to get my number, she was giving me the death stare the whole time I was eating. I've also had a girl who basically told everyone at a party that she was going to rape me, but I think that she didn't know how to go about it, and given the state I was in, it was probably something along the lines of "I wanna bang him but it'd be a rape." Some girls who hasn't approached at all but looking back were definitely "signaling."

LotBuilder · 2023-03-28T03:24:48+00:00

Some approach but most just make it very easy for you to approach them.

Hi_Iamlexi · 2023-03-28T05:06:30+00:00

100%

NationalistGoy · 2023-03-28T07:06:11+00:00

Women do not approach more.

When they really like a man, they flirt more, they drop more hints, they try to get a man's attention doing all kinds of subtle or not so subtle movements with their hands, hair, lips, eyes, etc. But rarely approach.

crow_in_your_garden · 2023-03-28T08:55:57+00:00

Yes they do. Sometimes they are pretty direct about it. A male friend of mine never asked a woman out and he never had been celibate longer than 3 months. Some women quite directly hinted they wanted to sleep with him... yes he looks good.

On the other hand, as a 34 years old man, no woman ever approached me with clear romantic or sexual intentions. And most of the ones who approached me with unclear intentions just wanted friendship.

DeepHouseDJ007 · 2023-03-28T10:58:46+00:00

Yes they most certainly do.

lle-ell · 2023-03-28T12:46:54+00:00

How do you define "approach"? Asking a total stranger out on a date? No. You could be a 10/10 wearing a tshirt with my favourite band, and I still wouldn't come right up and ask you out. I might initiate conversation, but that's it. At that point, I expect the guy to make a move if he's interested.

Showing interest in someone I'm acquainted with? Sure.

Nihi1986 · 2023-03-28T12:48:45+00:00

It's very true, they do that, though sometimes they need to see a bit more of you to realize they like you, but yeah, they do it.

I'm very average if not a bit uglier than average and still have had some girls approaching me even the first day I met them. However, I recommend being very proactive, most women don't initially know if they like an average guy or not, you would see a random average girl and in a matter of minutes if not seconds decide if you like her enough, but women are different.

Flashy-Country-800 · 2023-03-28T14:31:56+00:00

I’ve “approached” by starting a conversation and making it easier for him to ask for a date. That’s as far as I’d ever go.

None0fYour8usiness · 2023-03-28T16:20:43+00:00

Extremely rarely

Both of my exes approached me

But you're better off trying your hand at winning the lottery than betting on a girl approaching you

D0uble2 · 2023-03-28T19:35:26+00:00

I believe most people in this thread are out of touch with current reality. Either the people here don’t go outside or are less attractive than average or both. All the men I know that are 6+ have been directly approached by women. This is in a city too that’s seen as “difficult” by this forum so unless you’re in a conservative area I can’t see how women don’t approach men at least sometimes.

8won6 · 2023-03-28T20:30:33+00:00

many will claim they do, but in reality they just go stand near him. then they get online saying "i approached a guy today and nothing happened" then blame him.

steinnit · 2023-03-28T22:12:11+00:00

I've known my female acquiantences to approach guys. They were all without exception highly, highly attractive men.

If women are approaching you, you know you are a true chad.

Ok-Opposite-9955 · 2023-03-28T22:21:00+00:00

depends where you live. And if you mean a cold approach? maybe in the US but certainly not in the UK, never even seen a guy do that

Professional-You1235 · 2023-03-29T18:04:52+00:00

Nah, its not true, women are pretty chicken, lol. Im a tall handsome dude, so I get that subtle flirting and little signs, occasional compliment, but they never just out right approach and ask out. If it ever happened I’d think its either a hooker, a scam or I’m being led into a robbery , haha

justforlulz12345 · 2023-03-30T21:32:06+00:00

Yes.

The stories I have heard from attractive men are insane. Shattered any delusions I had of secret admirers too shy to come forward, or flirting attempts going unnoticed, or 'Oh its fine women just dont make the first move' coping.

If women want you they will make it very very obvious.

Boxisteph · 2023-03-31T00:38:42+00:00

Only if they don't have friends to stop them. It goes to a lot of men's heads when that happens and they treat the woman poorly so female and male friends will stop her

Title	Do women actually approach men if they truly like them?
Author	keebydee
Upvotes	40
Comments	166
Date	March 27, 2023 5:07 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/123te8p/do_women_actually_approach_men_if_they_truly_like/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-women-actually-approach-men-if-they-truly-like.1207774 https://theredarchive.com/post/1207774

Comments