The best way for men to weed out the women only interested in free meals and using men is to split the bill.

Notanothrshitthrow · 2023-11-06T11:55:57+00:00

I don't know if it's just British politeness, but I've never been on a date with a woman who hasn't offered to split the bill.

Ammonium_nitrate_but · 2023-11-06T11:47:47+00:00

That's true, never met a woman who cared about me paying for meal or paying for literally anything. It's weird reading about woman like this because I never met them irl.

ajksg · 2023-11-06T15:47:00+00:00

I always offer to split the bill, which is almost always met with “no, I’m getting it”. If I am not interested in seeing the guy again I will absolutely insist that I pay half. If I want to see him again and he’s insistent on paying, I’ll say okay and I’ll get it next time.

I think the only time ever I have had a man tell the waitress he wanted to split the bill before I even had a chance to offer, was a guy who arranged a date at a place he did some work for (worked in advertising/marketing for pubs and restaurants) and so he got 20% off the bill. He ordered a steak and I had a veggie option. His meal was substantially more expensive than mine. He also ordered an expensive bottle of wine without even asking me if I wanted any wine or if liked that type of wine. At the end he asked for the bill and told the waitress we would split it. I didn’t object because I’m far too polite to do that, but I did think it was incredibly rude to assume I would be okay with paying more for him to drink wine and eat steak. I think it’s very crass to order substantially more expensive options than the person/people you’re dining with, and then make them pay extra for you. Whenever I order something more expensive or I am drinking alcohol and a friend is not for example, I will always insist that I pay more. I cannot stand the thought of someone being out of pocket because of my taste/choices. After we paid, he then said to me “see, it’s great going out with me because I get you 20% discount 😏”. So damn ignorant 😂.
He texted me afterwards saying the next place he wanted to “take me” was an expensive rooftop place in central london called Aqua Kyoto. I politely declined. I’m a high earning woman, but I’m not frivolous nor flashy, and I like to go to fancy places on special occasions and with people I care about.

So yeah, that’s basically just a story to be aware that if you’re going to ask to split the bill on a date, don’t be a dick and order a bunch of expensive stuff without even consulting your date, like that guy did, she probably won’t wanna see you again.

lola2555 · 2023-11-06T17:54:24+00:00

Do you think that it’s that common for women to date men just for free meals?

KamuiObito · 2023-11-06T19:02:55+00:00

Most women want father/big bro figures as bfs ngl.

AFuzzyMuffin · 2023-11-06T14:27:01+00:00

splitting the bill is just optimal it’s low investment from you both and no hard feelings if it’s a no

TheMedsPeds · 2023-11-06T16:46:53+00:00

I think this is fair and if I was talking to a dude and he explained “look, you seem cool, I’d like to meet up, but let me know what your price range is in food because I don’t pay for the first date. Too many bad experiences of women playing nice, just to get a free meal and some drinks then they bounce.”

I’d be like: yo, that’s totally reasonable. If then continued to like never get me anything I’d worry a bit. You broke or just don’t want to impress me like..at all?

concretecannonball · 2023-11-06T16:12:24+00:00

I stg you guys see like two redpill TikToks about women going on dates for food and you think most women are putting ourselves at risk just for a free meal lol it’s so delusional

First dates are about setting and evaluating standards. If someone wants a 50/50 type relationship, they’ll offer to split the bill. If someone wants someone who will take care of dates and activities, they won’t. It’s not some moral litmus test, it’s one of compatibility.

wtknight · 2023-11-06T15:51:17+00:00

A lot of women just want traditional men who pay, though, and are not actually interested in "free meals", but the act of a man acting traditional. A man who insists upon splitting the bill also weeds out these women.

I think that it's better for a man to just pay for inexpensive dates until she shows some kind of physical interest in him. The women who don't want to show interest and are only in it for free meals are going to lose interest in that man because of those inexpensive dates pretty quickly. Yet, on the other hand, the man does show his desire to foot the entire bill for dates (just not expensive ones). It's essentially a form of quid pro quo, where the woman gets the message that, if she wants better dates, then she should start showing genuine interest.

DreaminInChocolate · 2023-11-06T14:51:49+00:00

This is fine for most people, but "red pilled" men are going to have a serious problem finding a "traditional woman" that's "submissive" and "lets him lead" when he expects her to he modern and egalitarian only when it suits him.

Ok_Smile_60 · 2023-11-06T16:41:29+00:00

My ex wife said we wouldn’t have had a 2nd date if I took her up in her offer to split the bill. Instead, I laid and we had sex that night.

Granted, she left in a rather horrific manner 9 years later, but I think that’s far enough divested from the first date to say you can definitely miss out on some good stuff with your plan.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-11-06T17:22:58+00:00

Splitting the bill always seemed like a win-win situation. The guy can be sure I'm not just using him for a free dinner/cocktail/coffee/whatever, and I'm comfortable that he can't try and use the thing he bought me to try and argue that he should get sex.

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-11-06T21:59:23+00:00

Whatever...I support people rejecting each other in the early stages for any reason at all. Especially if they found each other on an app. Which lets face it is where most of the tension around this originates... total strangers playing date roulette when the house has rigged the wheel.

TenaciousVillain · 2023-11-07T21:14:14+00:00

You can’t determine anyone’s nature based on their expectations about whether a man pays on a first date. She may also have the subsequent expectations of serving a traditional role to that man as the relationship grows serious, which largely benefits him if he can provide which is the only thing that makes it worth it for her. So his behavior of paying would fall in line with the kind of home life she ultimately wants and he may ultimately want as well. So you might be shooting yourself in the foot by assuming that her not wanting to pay for her own meal is nefarious.

The answer is to have a mature conversation about your vision and what you’re looking for before the date. The problem with this is a lot of people don’t have any romantic goals, they’re just fucking off or trying to fuck over someone else. People can also be deceptive or untrusting and as a result deceptive. People are immature and lack vision. People don’t know how to have a mature convo outright.

Can’t tell you the number of times I was able to weed out a boy from a man with the simple question: “what are your dating goals?”

Man: Ultimately when I find the right person I’m looking to settle down and get married. Kids, all of that. What about you?

Boy: uhhhhh dooohh idk, hang out and have a good time. Go to the park and smell your armpits. I’m just getting to know people for now. I’m not looking for anything serious right now.

Lol meanwhile, the boys are whining to everyone that they can’t find a woman aka something serious. But this is how they show up to dating.

You can’t be noncommital and expect that women are going to allow you to just waste their time. I would make a boy pay for my dinner too if I suspect he’s on bullshit. If he’s going to waste my time, we can do that on his dime. Lol and I don’t need shit for free.

Also, there is risk with being truthful. So if you meet a woman you like, guys are more apt to mirror her and tell her what he thinks she wants to hear to get somewhere with her. (Women do this dumb shit too) They not only can’t handle the rejection of her not wanting them. But they also try to avoid any conflict that might result in lack of commonality and harmony. So if she just wants a fwb now they suddenly want the same, even if he really wants to find a wife. All of this lends itself to disappointing results.

You have to be able to set a vision, stand on your shit, and use good discernment.

DopeAFjknotreally · 2023-11-06T22:32:21+00:00

If you’re so broke that the risk of paying for somebody else’s meal is actually a serious risk, you need to either go out on different dates or focus on your financials before dating

ktdotnova · 2023-11-06T14:46:30+00:00

Bill splitting and cheap dates resulted in 3 girlfriends and then afterwards I splurged on them like crazy... I guess the trash does take itself out if "not paying for the bill" was a red flag for the woman...

If you can't spend $30 to pay for yourself as a woman for your own meal, maybe you should be the one that shouldn't dating...

Demasii · 2023-11-06T12:50:30+00:00

Just be mindful to make sure you don't invite a woman to a restaurant that she can't afford.

The subject of money can be very awkward in the beginning. Implement a way to bring it up for a smooth social transition to the subject.

RonMexico432 · 2023-11-06T17:22:59+00:00

Get off the apps. You get a better feel for people in real life.

Whiskeyjack1982 · 2023-11-06T17:42:05+00:00

Yep, men are just setting themselves up to get fleeced or be betabux.

These men don't understand how desire works. If she finds the guy hot he wont have to pay for anything.

If she is not attracted to him no amount of money will change that. She is not gonna suddenly like an ugly guy because he spent 200$ on her dinner.

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-11-06T15:41:15+00:00

If your smart, you choose a low stakes BYOB place and tell them to bring their favorite wine.

But I also don’t advocate for feeding women you haven’t hooked up with yet, unless you cook for them at your place.

Hoopy223 · 2023-11-06T15:47:32+00:00

Suggest a different date idea then. If she is interested in you then she’ll go bowling or to the arcade or for a walk downtown where the bars are or meet up at a club or whatever. There are a ton of date ideas that don’t involve dinner at a restaurant. After a couple casual dates have dinner at your place.

If she stomps her feet and insists on a restaurant where you’d never go in the first place (it has AMBIANCE) she’s obviously not the girl for you lol.

Friedrich_Friedson · 2023-11-06T17:59:11+00:00

That's a post I'm too Catalan to understand.

Like litterallly Everyone here splits the bill all the time,it ain't even an issue or a point of debate. It isn't expected for the man to pay the whole thing.

meangingersnap · 2023-11-06T23:11:05+00:00

Agree, but curious, do you ask or treat it like a test?

Adorable-Plane-4776 · 2023-11-07T02:19:35+00:00

What about taking them on a free date? E.g. walking somewhere, free parks

cromulent_weasel · 2023-11-07T03:42:13+00:00

I think this might also be age-specific advice too. Older women usually make it a point to offer to pay/split. I guess they are filtering out the men who have a problem with that.

Tuatara77 · 2023-11-07T15:21:09+00:00

It must be a culture thing too, but it seems I've only attracted genuine girls who would split the bill and that's very nice to know, seems like most of the discussion when interviewing women who demand men pay are entitled girls with way too high egos. If you're from a country were women don't work as standard maybe so, but for all countries with progressive thinking splitting the bill should make sense to an adult.

lvoncreek · 2023-11-08T17:05:53+00:00

Is women going to dates for free meals really an issue or is this another redpill delusion? If not I guess it depends on the country. Where I live (Northern Europe) splitting the bill is the norm.

wannabesocialguy · 2023-11-06T16:52:23+00:00

Women: you’re the one who asked me out, so you pay.

Also women: why does nobody ask me out

No-Resource2745 · 2023-11-06T12:57:36+00:00

There is a lot of outside etiquette to consider here, and no, I am NOT talking about a male expectation to pay. Like, who invited who out in a date? Who chose the restaurant? Has a commitment already been made to pay? Is the person who didn’t choose the restaurant familiar with the restaurant and their pricing/portion sizes? Has payment been discussed prior to said date? It can be a minefield of mines that can quickly make you look like an AH to a well intentioned woman who would otherwise like to go on a second date with you. Time for some examples:

For many, there is a non-gendered expectation that the person who invited the other out on a date, so if you’re the one inviting, it may be good to discuss before hand to set expectations.

How much input has she had in choosing the restaurant? If you’re insisting on going someplace that isn’t the place she wanted to go to, especially if the place you picked is someplace she has never eaten before and is not familiar with. When determining who pays, whether or not the unfamiliar person enjoyed the restaurant is going to be a big factor, because if they didn’t like the meal/restaurant, you are asking for somebody to pay for something they didn’t like that you decided on.

The biggest AHs of course are the guys who indicate that the dinner is their treat, and then pop a surprise split bill on you. A good person may have chosen a less expensive meal than what they wanted the most if they have been led to believe the other is paying in order to be polite, whereas if they knew they would be paying for their own meal, they may have chosen to just get exactly what they wanted even if it cost more.

Personally, when I was dating, I would almost always choose to pay for both me and my date unless we decided to split in advance, because it’s just makes my life easier, especially if I don’t want a second date.

However, if you want to split checks, and you are the one asking the other out, you should let the other individual ultimately pick the restaurant (you can still decline places you really really don’t want to go to of course, but it should mostly be their decision), and you should really discuss splitting the check PRIOR to placing the order in order to avoid coming off as an asshole to a woman who isn’t trying to take advantage of the situation.

noafrochamplusamurai · 2023-11-06T13:05:42+00:00

There's another, safer method to weed them out. Take your time, engage them in conversation for a while before going on a date with them. You'll know what kind of person they are before you go on a date with them. Come on kings, remember your worth. When it comes to dating, men are the ultimate prize because we decide who gets married, and who doesn't. Demand more, and you'll get more.

RepresentativeBook62 · 2023-11-06T16:34:51+00:00

Why would a man be so selfish and jaded that he can't spare 20-40 bucks once or twice a month for a first date with a woman?

Not like the vast majority of men in this sub are getting more dates than that anyway.

NiceTrybutIdc · 2023-11-06T18:27:21+00:00

No one needs a f**king "free meal" that badly!

Get real or you're definitely not getting a second date from anyone.

wecovetwhatwesee · 2023-11-07T17:29:38+00:00

Bad strategy.

Some men like paying for dinner and being "traditional".

Sometimes people believe "the one who invites buys the meal".

Or, if a guy is dating down socially (many men do) she might not have the money. She might have spent more than she wanted to on a clothing item, or shoes, or makeup.

Buy the woman dinner for gods sake.

Dating (and courting) has always been about showing the woman what kind of lifestyle she can get for the transactional relationship she is going to find herself in.

I used to frequent some popular (high buck) places in town when I was dating frequently. Dressed nice. Was really pleasant with front-of-house and wait staff. Tipped well. I'd say things like:

"Oh, do you like lobster bisque? You HAVE to try the lobster bisque here... "

When the bill comes, it would go straight to me because (a) the server(s) knew me, or I just had a commanding presence. And she would make the obligatory but adequately slow move for her purse, and they I would say:

"Naw naw - none of that. You can get can the next one..."

Then she normally says "What makes you so sure there's going to be a next one?"

Then you just wink.

I know this is corny but it actually works.

Some of it seems kind of scripted actually. There are ways to speak with people you have just met, to make them feel at ease and enjoy themselves.

Part of being socially adept, really.

obviousredflag · 2023-11-06T13:42:24+00:00

Women are not paying for your meal? First they don't cook for you and now they don't even want to pay if someone else cooks it for you?

Are you afraid to stand up for yourself and demand that the food is on her, because of your scarcity mentality and needing women's validation?

DerayRevan · 2023-11-06T12:25:46+00:00

Wait pretty sure most people in western nations split the bill, to my knowledge at least

Because know in many parts of the world were traditional gender roles are common, the guy is expected to pay for the date but in countries like america or europe, people are splitting the bill often

aslanhatessmeagol · 2023-11-07T05:39:39+00:00

I never pay for the first date(in my experience,the men always paid and never asked me to pay on the first date). If the man doesn't offer to pay on the FIRST DATE ,i take it as "He is not interested in me"

Taking turn is how I do. I don't like splitting the bills for food.

EdwardTheeMasterful · 2023-11-07T00:14:08+00:00

If a woman is employed and feels she is not beneath a man I don’t know why she can’t just pay for her own meal at best if she valued the time to fellowship and hang out with the man. She is not a child but it seems most women only want to shrink back into the 40s when it suits them conveniently.

But anything else like being a stay at home house wife taking on the lions share of home chores is unreasonable and it’s only men that need to retain their old roles. Or at best alternate treating on the tab. But by then most women would find a way to ghost to get out of paying for their turn.

wessneijder · 2023-11-07T05:04:41+00:00

Honestly I met a great girl who couldn’t really afford to split the bill. If I would have demanded her to pay her share, I wouldn’t have been able to go on a date with her and meet her and then sleep with her.

Sure I had dates where the girl didn’t wanna take things further, I just chalked it up as going to the casino sometimes you get BJ sometimes you don’t.

Hyphalex · 2023-11-07T08:21:23+00:00

My male presence is worth compensation.

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2023-11-07T08:42:02+00:00

It's the concept that they want to be treated like a "women". There are a number of cases of women speaking up about how they will pay more of monthly bills but want to be treated to date night, so everything is still 50/50.

Personality, I think this show some sort of deeply rooted sycosis but at the same time I would much rather have a woman who is willing and will pay 50/50 than one trying to be a freeloader.

Confident-Cupcake164 · 2023-11-07T08:56:49+00:00

Video chat first. Make sure she is at least pretty.

Offer money for IQ tests.

If she sells nude or nude video chat, buy

That will filter out lots of women.

No I don't split bills. I am a sugar daddy and I am aware that the women are much poorer than I am. That being said, don't order things too expensive either.

liferelationshi · 2023-11-07T14:36:20+00:00

Don’t ever take a woman to dinner for date 1 or 2. The longer the better really. The more low to no cost dates you can do from the beginning, the better you can weed out problem women. It’s that easy. Also consider a zero date of coffee/tea/ice cream for no more than an hour.

begayallday · 2023-11-07T20:09:31+00:00

I’m fine to split the bill, but it’s probably not gonna lead to a hook up for you. 🤷‍♀️

Title	The best way for men to weed out the women only interested in free meals and using men is to split the bill.
Author	Jax_Gatsby
Upvotes	54
Comments	376
Date	November 6, 2023 11:43 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17p0v84/the_best_way_for_men_to_weed_out_the_women_only/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-best-way-for-men-to-weed-out-the-women-only.1237460 https://theredarchive.com/post/1237460

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