Q4M- How would you feel if your wife got your child a medical exam after you looked after them to make sure you didn't molest them?

Serge_Suppressor · 2023-11-13T19:24:49+00:00

A few things:

Cheating is bad. Abusing children is much, much worse. They're not equivalent accusations. You can cheat once and basically be a good person — a good person who did a bad thing. If you abuse kids, you're a piece of shit.
That sort of medical exam is much more invasive than a blood test, and probably going to be really traumatic for the child.
That being said, yeah, a lot of guys are creepy and paranoid about paternity tests. It's often because they don't want responsibility for the child and are looking for a way out that makes it the mother's fault. If you can't bring yourself to trust a woman, you shouldn't be dating her. So I take your point, even though I have issues with your analogy.

Slyfer_Seven · 2023-11-13T17:21:52+00:00

Like every time? I would feel worried that this chick has post partum, snapped, and is going to end up drowning our child or some shit to "protect them" from the dangers of this world...

BlueMountainDace · 2023-11-13T18:16:33+00:00

For better or worse, most parents assume the other parent is not going to sexually abuse/molest their child even though, IIRC, people that know your kid are most likely to sexually abuse/molest your child.

If my wife seriously considered that I did it and wanted to get them a medical exam, I would feel like a failure because something I've done or some pattern of behavior, has made my wife think I'm capable of having done that.

meisterkraus · 2023-11-13T17:26:05+00:00

Does she have to go through the same thing? People love to pretend women don't rape kids. Also raping your child and cheating on a partner is not even in the same universe.

63daddy · 2023-11-13T17:24:13+00:00

Bad analogy.

The proper comparison to a mother accusing the father of child abuse would be the father accusing the mother of the same. The proper comparison to paternity verification is maternity verification.

If you want to talk about the validity of paternity testing, then simply talk about that without making poor analogies.

macone235 · 2023-11-13T19:05:39+00:00

If it'll convince women to shut up about getting a paternity test, then go right ahead.

The extremes women will go to just to try and convince men not to expose their dual-mating strategy is comical

Lina-Inverse · 2023-11-13T18:01:32+00:00

I think she was a nut bag, especially if she did it every time. LOL!

women cheating is far more common than men molesting their own kids wtf.

SlowEffective8146 · 2023-11-13T21:12:56+00:00

If I have nothing to worry about then why would I care? She would just be wasting her own time and money.

tiddermacss · 2023-11-13T17:45:14+00:00

women molest children as well.. in fact they have taken the lead in raping kids in schools.. also with next to no consequences.. congratulations.

abaxeron · 2023-11-13T20:18:25+00:00

Does she pay for the exam herself? Or is she expecting me to compensate the cost of proving my own innocence at every instance I'm left in charge of the kids?

Thanks for the "analogy" between a serious severe criminal offense that everyone and their dog agrees deserves severe punishment, and an act of a life-shattering betrayal that is NOT considered a crime at all.

MyLifeIsaTragedy_ · 2023-11-14T04:42:11+00:00

Id feel closer to her since she cares for my child that much.

Clavicymbalum · 2023-11-13T21:30:10+00:00

Given the fact that there are TWO parents who could molest the child (both the father and the mother), BOTH would have to be tested. And yes of course I would never refuse a test that would give her the same assurance than the one I have (in this case, through the equivalent test for her, which she would obviously agree to if she asks me for a test).

TroidMemer · 2023-11-13T18:46:31+00:00

I’d be fine I guess?? I’d just find it odd that she doesn’t trust me that much, which could also raise a lot of questions about our relationship as a whole.

This scenario is WILD, OP

Barely-moral · 2023-11-13T16:58:46+00:00

If she thinks there is a chance that I would do that she has the duty to do something about it. Given that it is a doubt and not a certainty, given that removing a father from the picture without a reason causes harm to a child, doing something to find out if I did such thing is the only logical avenue available to her.

I would feel nothing. I would think she is doing the best considering her position.

RevolutionaryOkra679 · 2023-11-13T21:05:03+00:00

It literally wouldn’t bother me at all. Child molestation is such as egregious offense that I’m willing to put aside my pride (and ego) in order to ensure that our child is safe and secure.

BringMeThePopcorn · 2023-11-13T17:29:54+00:00

Why would you marry somebody you think is abusing kids? This is such a horrible attempt at a gotcha it’s hard to take it seriously.

It would never come up because I don’t give them a reason to think I’m a child abuser? Like most normal sane people.

Cheating and being a pedophile are so wildly different circumstances it’s actually pretty insulting you are conflating the two.

You tried to do something here, I guess.

kvakerok · 2023-11-13T18:49:18+00:00

She can sure do that, but that just means I'll have to start doing the same examinations and or complete physicals. Do you understand why?

Perfect_Promise_943 · 2023-11-13T21:49:18+00:00

Honestly I wouldn’t be upset. I am very practical and simply guy. If a group of people are statistically more likely to do something to me, it makes sense to be more worried and take extra steps to be carful. If men are more likely to molest(which is the case) I’m fine with it. I wish she wouldn’t lie to me about it though. It would only bother me if it stopped me from being a dad. Like my dad would take me to theme parks or movies when my mom was busy or didn’t want to do something. I would hate it if I wasn’t allowed to take my daughter somewhere because she is not willing to come with us. Like come with us if you are worried, if you are too lazy to check on her, then let me take care by myself.

DumbWordsmith · 2023-11-13T18:11:46+00:00

Enraged—especially if it comes out of nowhere.

A better comparison (though still shitty) would be a wealthy woman asking a less wealthy man for a pre-nup. That's a one-and-done situation, and nobody is accused of being the worst thing that a human being could possibly be. A cheater is more on par with a gold digger than human garbage.

If I loved a woman who was richer than me, I'd do whatever I could to ensure she feels comfortable marrying me. I wouldn't bat an eyelash if she asked me to sign a prenup, even if that means she thinks I'm a potential vengeful scumbag or gold digger. Why some women here are incapable of being willing to do the same for a man is beyond me.

Icy-Sprinkles-638 · 2023-11-13T19:33:30+00:00

I would be divorcing her ass because that's abusive behavior right there.

Mauf066 · 2023-11-13T17:54:05+00:00

Not great, and this isn't a great analogy because molestation is much worse than cheating, but if I'm expecting her to do a paternity test, I guess fair enough. Actually it would work even better that way, because there's less chance for resentment because you both go through some sort of test.

Specialist-Olive7828 · 2023-11-13T19:20:06+00:00

I would divorce her because clearly she cheated with some "bad boy" who she thought may have molested the kids.

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2023-11-13T19:36:06+00:00

She's getting divorced, because she views me as a predator

AdEffective7894s · 2023-11-13T19:40:24+00:00

It's like you intentionally miss the point of my analogy.

It wasnt a gotcha. I just wanted to know the coherence of the internal logic of the women who are here on this sub.

Most of you are at the very least, not hypocrites

ComfortableJeans · 2023-11-13T17:09:15+00:00

It seems like a weird thing to do, but assuming we find a way to ensure that there's no traumatic procedure for the child, and that they'll be just as okay as they were before, go for it. If we still love each other as greatly as we did, have a great relationship, and this is just something to give her peace of mind, why wouldn't I? Why wouldn't I want her to be positive in her happiness?

What makes affairs so painful is that it comes from someone that you trust, I imagine this kind of thing also is made even more painful as it comes from someone that you trust.

As someone who has been cheated on by multiple partners, it leaves a mark, and I'd appreciate that being taken into consideration as it does affect how I feel. Perhaps my partner was abused by her father as a child, and it's something that hurts her deeply, and she needs some extra comfort to feel okay. Things happen to us all that leave scars and give us pain.

I could choose to be offended, but I don't view it as a question of my character, but a need of my partner to feel okay.

If I love you, I'll make these efforts and concessions for your mental well-being. I can't say I'd be THRILLED, but I'd rather my partner sleep soundly at night than fuss over some perceived slight.

I will say, though, depending on how it's brought up to me would really help. A "Honey, I need to ask you if we can do something? Something that's always worried me is (and so on)." would go a lot further than an accusation.

I'd point out that there's a major difference in both morality and likelyhood where comparing having an affair and raping your own child, though.

ColbyXXXX · 2023-11-13T21:01:46+00:00

Wouldn’t care. Better safe than sorry I say. You really never know.

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T12J7M6 · 2023-11-14T02:08:32+00:00

I (36 male) wouldn't mind as long as it doesn't disturb the child, and even if it would and if she really wanted to do the test, I wouldn't be against it, assuming this is a one time thing, and not an every week thing, since in the every week scenario if the test would be disturbing for the child, it would think it would be child-abuse from her part.

You said elsewhere:

Okay what if she didn't get medical testing but she did install secret cameras to monitor your behavior with the child would that be fine?

Into my own house, which is not her house? I would be against this. However though, I wouldn't be against she installing cameras to her own house, I am visiting, or me installing cameras to my own house, for the duration of the visit, but these cameras should be no audio cameras, since recording audio would be too much of a loss of privacy, since people can take words out of context, and I wouldn't want to live with the feeling that everything I am saying is being recorded, since I don't want to be convicted of a "though crime" or accused of it, just because she wants to get rid of me.

You continue:

also the world just watched Ghislaine Maxwell go to jail for trafficking kids to men, but the men magically never got named or brought to justice and nobody gives a shit. Our justice system does not care about stopping male pedos.

I think your view is a bit simplistic on this. The CIA itself, meaning the government itself, is running a child trafficking ring so that they can use this to compromise people, so this isn't as much about "the system not caring about kids" as it is about the system using kids as tools to gain political power. Like I'm not justifying what they do - just pointing out that this governmental child trafficking activity is a war like strategy to gain political power and this is why they do it - not because they just want to protect pedos. They use pedos to gain power and the children are a tool in this to lure the pedos into doing things that can be used against them, so it is worth separating between the judicial actions when ever this CIA run human trafficking thing gets caught compared to some low level pedo getting caught. The system is much harsher to these individual pedos than it is to this CIA run system, since obviously the system doesn't go after itself.

Our justice system does not care about stopping male pedos.

I don't think the issue is that black and white, since I would think there is levels to this and also other factors to consider. Lets break this down:

Point 1: Its a moral dilemma
Stopping male pedos can be a moral dilemma situation, since a system in which it would be impossible to be a active pedo might be so tyrannical and high in surveillance, that the horror from that system might outweigh the evil pedos do, since you are essentially handing government more power over its citizens which it can then use against them for profit and to silence critics of the government.

Point 2: Physical crimes as a whole lacks harsh penalties
Also when legislating penalties for pedos, one needs to put this issue into context with other physical crimes, and it just happens that no weapon physical crimes as a category aren't very heavily penalized in the judicial system, so it would be kind of weird to give 100 years for molestation, but just 1 year for nocking someone out in a drunk bar fight, considering that someone can actually die from being nocked out.

Point 3: ambiguity of what happened has to factor into the sentencing
Like I would think sexual abuse can occur in a range of "he touched me inappropriately" to "he beat me up and r\**d me*", so these has to then be a possibility to give lighter sentences from the "same crime", the crime being "sexual abuse", since the crime itself can very so much, which can then make it seem like people aren't getting enough time, when in reality the crime wasn't just that serious.
Also worth pointing out is that fact that in many of these cases, evidence and proof is vary weak and false accusation can occur, so due to this reason also, giving harsh sentences might seem like exaggeration, since we aren't 100% sure what happened in the first place, and this might also play into it looking like people aren't being punished.

Good_Abroad_6275 · 2023-11-14T14:33:44+00:00

Examine the mindset that let your brain go to the place it did to even ask this as hypothetical question and then seek therapy!

I mean do we REALLY need to bring up child abuse as some sort of weird tit-for-tat attempt to score rhetorical points in the men vs. women arguments that this sub is filled with?

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2023-11-14T20:06:53+00:00

I’d appreciate and respect her concern but I would divorce her and file for full custody. Hopefully she did this out of true concern and not malice but either way it would be in both me and my child’s best interest not to be near her

KamuiObito · 2023-11-15T11:24:32+00:00

I wouldn’t mind at all. It would feel a lil weird but. Its a valid concern.

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