Based on the "logic" of the Sexual Revolution and women's observed behavior there is nothing wrong with men wanting casual sex and not settling down. We should anticipate this behavior.

GojosLowerHalf3 · 2024-05-08T23:16:34+00:00

There's nothing wrong with men wanting casual sex. Just don't lie to get it.

Unhappy_Offer_1822 · 2024-05-08T23:20:21+00:00

ok what if i only want to have casual sexual encounters with virgin and inexperienced males?

Professional_Chair28 · 2024-05-08T23:19:05+00:00

Casual sex is absolutely fine, for men & women.

Being deceitful about your intentions is wrong, for both men & women.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-05-08T23:30:53+00:00

women get upset when a SPECIFIC man "uses them for sex" and makes THEM feel bad. the fact that theres "nothing wrong with casual sex after the sexual revolution" is never going to stop individual women from catching feelings and getting sad

TopEntertainment4781 · 2024-05-08T23:56:53+00:00

A man’s* desire to engage in casual sex has been known forever. You all really should crack a history book - even fiction- to see oodles of men engaging in casual sex with all sorts of women whether married or not (the men or the women).

None of this is a shock and mothers regularly warn this daughters that men will fuck em and leave em. I imagine fathers do too. That advice btw long predates the sexual revolution.

The big shock of the sexual revolution is that women* will engage in casual sex if they aren’t worried about pregnancy.

*not all for those souls who don’t.

berichorbeburied · 2024-05-08T23:30:21+00:00

I have to preface this by saying this.

Im not saying all women.

But the trend tends to be women want commitment/relationships on average.

They seem to be adverse to frequent one night stands or random sex that does not turn into a fwb/situationship or something deeper.

They seem to be adverse to sex with multiple random people that they’ll never see again or that will never turn/materialize into a fwb/situationship or something deeper.

For humans it seems that women on average are not interested in random/casual sex

Sure when they’re horny? But this isn’t frequent enough to cause what your op is about.

So in that sense I don’t know what the sexual revolution was for. As it didn’t change the main tradition/existence of pair-bonding.

Because it’s still about commitment/relationships even now.

And maybe that won’t change. From the female perspective at least.

Men on average will either want to commit (fwb/situationships or deeper) or just want random/casual sex with randoms or one night stands.

And those two are so prevalent they have names after them and now people use the term dual mating strategy.

For women it seems to lean so heavily to commitment/relationships.

That there is no name for another strategy. Maybe being alone? And not wanting men at all? Being independent/self sufficient?

They for whatever reason seem to be adverse to that type of sexual experience.

I say all that to say.

Your main premise of men wanting casual sex should be accepted as a normality.

Will probably never happen when it comes to the female perspective.

If I’m being logically consistent.

(Repost since you reposted)

GridReXX · 2024-05-09T00:04:00+00:00

Male humans have always desired NSA sex. This isn’t unexpected or shocking to most people.

I think the biological reason is because males have a more compulsory libido than females due to having way more testosterone coursing through their veins than the average female.

On the extreme side of normal it’s 67x more and on average side of normal it’s 15x more. This hormonal reality probably factors into males desiring NSA sex more than females. This creates a bottleneck when it comes to heterosexual males’ ability to “get laid” compared to, let’s say, the gay male community. That bottleneck doesn’t exist for males who have sex with males.

In short, generally speaking, females are simply less interested in sex than males, and especially less interested in NSA sex with a bunch of random partners.

(By “NSA sex” I mean: one night stands, fucking a stranger you met off an app less than 24 hours prior, cruising, orgies, glory holes, fucking sex workers, etc.)

TRTGymBro1 · 2024-05-09T10:59:14+00:00

You have it wrong. I've had many casual sexual partners and women are not hung up on relationships as much as you think, although we all catch feelings and get attached.

When women are saying "men want to use us for sex", they are pointing to a phenomenon that is somewhat inherent in males. Men are hunters, we are go getters. We go out to obtain things. And by extension, very often we try to obtain women and sex.

But the act of trying to obtain something is the same as putting it on a pedestal and valuing it for one thing only - essentially a body part women own. Now, men usually equate the ability to get sex with a woman to their self worth and lovability, so they project the same to women. Essentially, "bitch, I want to fuck you and you can get sex from men, doesn't that make you feel worthwhile and lovable?"

But women work differently. Getting sex doesn't necessarily make them feel desirable and worthwhile. Being understood and connected with does. It's not that women don't want to have casual sex. They would very much love to have it with a lot more men then they admit. The problem is that men approach women wanting to extract sex from them, but not giving two flying fucks about the human it comes from.

That's why women don't feel special when a random wants to fuck them without knowing anything about them. A guy will feel special if a random (hot) girl wants to fuck them. Women don't. But they do feel special if a random (hot) guy wants to get to know them and connect with them before making a decision to blast his baby gravy all over her face.

Lilrip1998 · 2024-05-09T02:57:10+00:00

There is nothing wrong with wanting casual sex and not settling down. Clear communication about your intentions is key.

Different strokes for different folks. Y’all make this stuff into moral conundrums and it’s really just not that serious

stormiu · 2024-05-09T13:30:37+00:00

(Copying part of a reply I wrote)

These “lairs and manipulators” that keep getting mentioned in the comments seem to always end up in her sheets anyways, at some point you have to do some self reflection.

Are these men that are labeled assholes actually assholes? Or dose the ‘morally grey’ thing have more consequences than you thought? How come “Mr. Nice guy the incel” got left in the dust for following your advice? How come 80% of women only find 20% men attractive? Etc etc etc…

I try to not believe the “women have no accountability” thing because it’s too much of a generalization, but wow do women make that hard to argue against.

EulenWatcher · 2024-05-08T23:27:55+00:00

There's nothing wrong with casual sex itself, people have problems with it when they get lied about intentions and goals to get one. Hence there's advice to wait for a few months before you start being intimate or to date among your social circle, so you'd be aware about one's past dating habits.

I've never had this problem, but I guess if I had to date now, I'd stick to my social circle and I'd warn any dates that I need some time to get intimate. Although I'm not sure whether I'd have the same problem just by dating other women.

Whoreasaurus_Rex · 2024-05-09T00:04:54+00:00

Casual sex is great, as long as BOTH people are on the same page and have the same expectations.

ThrowawayHomesch · 2024-05-08T23:37:57+00:00

If women are not honest about their past and how much more they expect from you than their past partners, men should not be honest about their intentions. IMO these women don’t deserve honesty.

raldabos · 2024-05-08T23:25:40+00:00

Most women don't have the same libido as men.

Most women aren't interested on having tons of casual sex.

The sexual revolution original goal was to make sex more enyojable to women, doesn't mean it would push them to be promiscous, because most women don't want that.

Is this difference on libido the fuel of the eternal discussion of why so many women sleep only with the top men.

Either women get rid of ther standards and sleep with every men, or men increase their standards x10,000. Neither thing will ever happen.

Choice-Substance-183 · 2024-05-08T23:15:16+00:00

Have all the causal sex. Just be honest about your intentions.

Don't lie to have sex. Don't have sex with someone, and then determine if they aren't worthwhile. You already knew that before sex.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2024-05-09T00:06:06+00:00

Sure. There's nothing wrong with Casual sex or not settling down

That's not the issue.

The issue is lying and manipulating.

If you lie, it's not illegal, but you're an asshole. And you should admit to yourself that you're an asshole.

It's like if a woman goes on a date and uses the man for money. It's not illegal but she's an asshole. She should admit she is an asshole.

Over_Noise3530 · 2024-05-09T03:40:41+00:00

You just better hope she doesn't go straight to the hospital and get a rape kit after you trick her

Remarkable_Rough_89 · 2024-05-09T20:04:02+00:00

Based on sexual revolution and following the logic of many women have 20 sex partners before 20. Islam, Muslim take on woman is correct, Especially after seeing so many live in relationship and club nonsense, in my small town in India,

Something-bothersome · 2024-05-09T00:32:20+00:00

The Sexual Revolution happened a long time ago.

I really don’t think it’s a problem with people acknowledging that casual sex is a thing - it’s now quite accepted that both women and men have the option to engage in casual sex and even Grandma knows that…

What seems to be a bit of a sticking point is there seems to be a bit of a debate about how we (the social “we”) should be viewing and treating people who engage in casual sex along with how we (the social “we”) should be viewing and treating people who don’t engage in casual sex.

As far as I can see, some of the problems are still stuck in the older values around sex as they seem to be lingering (but gasping their last breath) on both sides because the issues are just an extension of older concepts - judgement on widely sexually/romantically unsuccessful men and judgement on widely sexually/romantically successful women. As you can see, these are very familiar old concepts.

It’s not new stuff, it’s old stuff and casual sex is just tagged on the end.

UnhappyInevitable680 · 2024-05-09T00:09:15+00:00

Every freedom comes with tradeoffs

fiftypoundpuppy · 2024-05-09T00:08:28+00:00

The sexual revolution promised more, better, and guilt free sex.

Citation needed that this was "a promise" at all, and especially that this was promised to and for men, specifically.

Professional_Chair28 · 2024-05-09T00:28:55+00:00

Lying to get casual sex isn’t wrong if it works.

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-05-08T23:51:59+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with men engaging in casual sex & they should do what pleases them. The problem is

1) some men don’t want to tell the woman that they’re looking for a casual relationship. They lie. That’s wrong & These are the same men that want women to be upfront about if she’s playing in his face (being used as a foodie date, being used for his money, back up BF etc).

2) some men think because ppl around them are having casual sex that they should be doing it too. You’re not entitled to sex. If you’re not sexually attractive then you get nothing and deserve nothing. Blame yourself for not being sexually attractive.

Besides that no one really cares that men have casual sex & don’t want to settle. Play the field until you’re 80 if you want.

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wtknight · 2024-05-09T01:24:51+00:00

The issue is that women expect honesty from men. They don't want a man to act like he wants or even might want a relationship, and then treat her like she was basically a casual sex encounter.

So based on this "logic", there is something wrong with men being deceptive. Women expect men to be honest and to actually say that all they want is casual sex. Women have no problem with this behavior from men and would tell men to feel free to have as much casual sex as they want for the rest of their lives as long as they are honest about their intentions.

ur-moms-new-gf · 2024-05-09T21:01:19+00:00

men can have casual sex all they want, no one said they can. what men can't is:

1- expect women will always be available for them for sex.

2- be deceitful in order to get sex.

3- target vulnerable demographics or be manipulative in order to get sex.

4- wait until advanced age to have a family while simultaneously being too old to be able to care for a child and thus leave all the childcare burden to their (most of the time younger) partner.

5- be selfish in bed with their sexual partners.

wtknight · 2024-05-08T23:38:53+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-05-08T23:53:53+00:00

Reposting what I wrote last time:

Who said there was anything wrong with it? Some people just want to date casual and be casual and settle down later. Some don’t. Go ahead and go after those that want the same things as you.

MidnightDefiant1575 · 2024-05-09T04:38:33+00:00

I liked what you wrote, OP, but unfortunately you left out a key question or position or suggestion, and as a result so many of the responses were standardized knee jerk reactions that do nothing for real learning or exchange of ideas or even good entertainment. Are you coming at this from a macro perspective (how society or large groups within society are impacted) or are you coming at it from a purely micro perspective (how you or a small group of people you know can use this existing system to benefit personally)? I say that because I always see a lot of confusion in the comments where some focus mostly on larger social impacts and others focus on personal insults/compliments/value judgments/whatever.

I was hoping that you might finish up with a reference to your first sentence, which mentions 'some women' who are upset with being used. One of the biggest challenges faced in trying to understand the extremely complex system we're in now is that both women and men are actually divided up into very different sub-groups that have extremely different desires/priorities/conduct, and this seems to be consistently ignored by many if not most commenters. A large minority of women (20%?) and a larger minority of men (35%?) always want and prioritize casual sex, and a large minority of women (35%?) and a large minority of men (20%?) will desire and prioritize long-term relationships. The remainder will shift back and forth over time depending on a huge range of factors, and women in particular go through massive changes or cycles over their lives (the notorious 'ho' phases and 'rebound or just single' phases of promiscuity or the search for a man for marriage or equivalent in the mid to late 20s).

There are at least two large groups of women I know of who are irritated by men who want to use them for casual sex. One is the group of women that I am very familiar with - those who always or almost always wanted LTRs even if they had high libidos - who justifiably get sick of lying predators who try to emulate guys like me so that they can get fucked and then move on. The other group are those women that involved themselves with casual sex for many years and then decide that they want a LTR with a serious guy who checks off all the boxes but can't find one. BTW there is a 3 day old thread on 'datingoverthirty' that has huge numbers of female commenters fitting this description ('Deprived of physical intimacy while being single') Are you concerned about the suffering of the first and perhaps second group, or are you amused by the irony of the second group now being upset by a system that they helped to sustain?

Decent_Plastic_ · 2024-05-09T17:11:56+00:00

The bigger issue is no one taught young girls & teenage girls or young adult women anything that older women naturally passed on through oral wisdom & lessons of life, the harsh reality that women bond & attach heavily to men they have sex with... and this leads to endless men knowing that even if they aren't too interested in a women, if they don't have sex with her she will not be attached & dealing with a sea of 1,000s of men giving attention to her they may not get another chance to. People have to understand most men, probably 80% date with no purpose, intention, and aren't looking for any specific women or the right women for them but just any women that will sleep with them that they're attracted to.

Its only intelligent men with self control, or men with a mass abundance of options that genuinely look for & don't waste their time or hunt specifically for the most ideal & compatible women for them, and 99% of the time, 99% of the time this is only because they have marriage or a long term relationship in mind.

So yes less than 1/5th of men in the dating pool will actually be intentionally searching for a specific type of women, this is the brutal red pill truth for women they don't understand, and its dark to accept it... just like all 16 - 25 year old men get rude awakenings able female nature women need rude awakenings about male nature if they want to find their dream compatible man genuinely in love with them as people & human beings.

KayRay1994 · 2024-05-08T23:42:47+00:00

There is nothing wrong with casual sex and there never was, the issue, however, is that many men tend to lead women on and manipulate them, dangle the carrot and run by empty promises for the sake of casual sex.

If you wanna fuck casually and have no strings attached fun, that’s fine, do your thing - but also don’t manipulate someone into thinking that there might be something more going on.

I also think there is the obvious factor of wanting the freedom to engage in causal sex without getting shamed - ie. the idea is a women should engage in causal sex if she wants to - there was no space or room for exploration. However, now that there was room to explore, many women have learned that causal sex isn’t a fit for them, for some it is or in a certain point of their lives it is, but it becomes less of a thing with time. The same applies to men to an extent, I know lots of men on this sub like to pretend that men care very little for commitment, but that’s also not true. Many men would like to commit once they feel like they’ve accomplished what they could on their own.

Either way, we did lean too hard on the free love aspect, just as in the past we leaned way too hard on the prude-ish aspects. A balance must be struck - and it will.

But yeah, that was a huge tangent. Tl;dr - causal sex is fine if that’s what you wanna do, just don’t lead someone on and use them for the sake of it. This is something many men who engage in causal sexual tend to do and that’s where the issues come in.

obviousredflag · 2024-05-09T09:04:34+00:00

We live in a time where large numbers of adult males expect and assume that they can and will have casual sex with no strings attached because other men do.

It's not the sexual revolution that tells men they can get casual sex. It's red pill/manosphere influencers who sell that idea, because then they have a product to solve the unquenched thirst for casual sex, that men think they somehow deserve or should be able to have.

That some women do have casual sex does not "logically" lead to all men thinking they should be able to have casual sex, and lots of it. Few women have lots of casual sex and few men have lots of casual sex. The data is clear on that. It was always a select few. Red pill/manosphere now instillled the idea in the men they reach, that they should be part of those select few and if not, they are somehow missing out or not being a real man. And to deal with this issue of not having as much casual sex as the red pill/manosphere community, they offer the solution in forms of self-help guidance, improvement, pickup strategies, and most of all: an explanation why it's not the men's fault, but the women, who are to blame for the lack of casual sex the men have. It's a feel-good-pill. They show men the way to reach the casual sex goals they deserve (that have been instilled by those movements in the first place), and if not, they also sell the medication that helps them not blame themselves for not reaching an unreachable goal.

There is no need to have lots of casual sex. If nobody would tell men that they are somehow lacking in their life or manliness, if they don't have at least 20 one night stands by the age of 30, there would be no "need" for the red pill or manosphere. They create the problem to which they sell the solution. Classic.

superlurkage · 2024-05-09T00:11:35+00:00

Of course not. The problem is lying

That’s why men have to approach, initiate, pay and wait. Because lying is a thing

KurlyKayla · 2024-05-09T06:38:18+00:00

just be safe, clean, and consensual. idgaf

Over_Noise3530 · 2024-05-09T15:01:48+00:00

I've fucked 2 guys that blocked me after. They also expected me to chase them and were lazy in bed do I guess they already had big rosters. But both of their members smelled like fish. A high body count is bad for men too

Solondthewookiee · 2024-05-09T03:03:28+00:00

Who is complaining in any significant number about male promiscuity?

full_brick_package · 2024-05-09T05:34:00+00:00

The problem is, the normalization of sexuality in non monogamous, open ways including objectification was always the logical progress from the 60s. However due to radical feminist ideals of the mid to late 70s as a reactionary movement to free love progress, they regressed us back to monogamous prudery by convincing women and men that women were dehumanized by male sexual expression.

Here we are, a few steps away from a time when women are essentially forced back into traditional gender roles by yet another reactionary movement. The tradcon redpills are becoming overwhelming and with every hateful fad, like the most recent for example, we have greater and greater unity against feminism.

I'm sure you're all seeing the clear signs of traditionalism gaining traction. It's a matter of time before more and more laws get passed.

Ended notions like "objectification" and no longer claiming to be "scared of men" all the time would go a long way. There are literally organizations that bully corporations to stop sharing sexual imagery of women in advertising. Why? You really wanna take the piss on men's sexual urges so bad huh?

Yeah, expect Iran in 10 years if this doesn't change. Remember, some of us were just asking for a middle ground where sexuality isn't demonized.

GrandpaDallas · 2024-05-09T15:27:56+00:00

There’s a difference between engaging in consensual, casual sex with someone, and using someone else for sex.

Poor_Olive_Snook · 2024-05-09T16:53:42+00:00

Do whatever you want just don't be an asshole about it

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-05-09T11:31:41+00:00

The problem is that they lie about they intentions, that's why they USE women for casual sex. If they are honest and both parties clearly agree it's casual it's fine and noone is USED.

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