I feel like people see dating as some sort of rpg skill check

SituacijaJeSledeca · 2024-09-19T10:53:25+00:00

Dating is face check from my real life experience.

Savings-Bee-4993 · 2024-09-19T13:21:43+00:00

“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life.”
—Jean Luc Picard

ThatLeval · 2024-09-19T10:56:58+00:00

You seem to misunderstand what's being discussed. It isn't "I went on one date and it didn't work out" it's "nothing I've ever tried has worked through multiple attempts"

BurritoisDog · 2024-09-19T10:57:27+00:00

I agree, but mostly just on dating apps. Talking to women I’ve met on dating apps feels like navigating the job market, irl still feels like the good ol’ days.

I agree that the self improvement schtick is over emphasized, it’s only important if you’re in a dire situation like obesity, poverty, something that extreme.

obviousredflag · 2024-09-19T11:07:10+00:00

if you didnt manage to make someone interested in you

No, it's when you didn't manage to make ANYONE interested in you.

Python_Owner · 2024-09-19T12:43:35+00:00

But i think most of the time its mostly cause youre not their type

I mean if you get rejected once, or twice, or a few times, then maybe. But when you have no success despite making substantial efforts? Then yeah, you're just unattractive, physically or behaviorally.

Muscletov · 2024-09-19T16:01:18+00:00

Traits pertaining to your appearance, character and life circumstances ultimately determine your success on the dating market. There are outliers and exceptions, of course, however there is great consensus on which traits are attractive (in demand) and which aren't.

And yet we treat those who are unsuccesful as lazy and that they should do better, try harder etc. When in reality its no ones fault.

First off, that only applies to men. Romantically unsuccesful women are pitied and supported, most of the time. Romantically unsuccesful men are lambasted because western cultures collectively decided to consider the female gender as the noble one, thus their approval is sign of virtue/work ethic and their (collective) rejection is sign of moral deficits and complacency.

Aggravating-Part9 · 2024-09-19T14:06:40+00:00

A lot of it comes down to time and place. There’s that saying. “When preparation meets opportunity” or some such.

Specs400 · 2024-09-19T14:11:26+00:00

It is the person's fault in some instances. How often, I'm not sure. But it's clear that just as there are men here who seem to need to believe there's nothing they can do to improve their dating life, there's also a # of men and women who need to believe that any men who struggle to find a desirable partner aren't trying hard enough. Both groups are wrong.

Substantial_Video560 · 2024-09-19T16:43:20+00:00

Not worth the time or investment in all honesty

ArtifactFan65 · 2024-09-20T02:05:22+00:00

Dating is a game. If you don't meet certain criteria then most people won't want to fuck you. However like any game there are multiple strategies and cheat codes to find success.

"Leveling up" isn't the only option. Other viable strategies like passport maxxing and beta bucks exist. Always be willing to break the rules.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2024-09-19T11:32:59+00:00

But i think most of the time its mostly cause youre not their type

Do you have any logic behind this trough process or you just think like this because is the most safe mindset? It's this based on any objective reality or is something you have to believe in order to make you feel better?

wtknight · 2024-09-19T11:38:33+00:00

When a person is rejected too many times, then that person is the common denominator and probably needs to improve in some way to achieve their goals, although I agree with your point in cases where someone has only been rejected a few times. Nevertheless, it often does show that a person is aiming out of his or her league, and therefore does need to “level up”, much like as in an RPG.

Gravel_Roads · 2024-09-19T11:14:19+00:00

The people who engage in this are basically just trying to bargain their way into a relationship.

"I heard men LIKE women who are shy - but no man ever approaches me in public!"

"I heard women LIKE men who make a lot of money - but no woman wants to date me even when I wear my expensive watch and drive an expensive car!"

I think it mostly stems from insecurity, lack of experience, laziness, and probably depression. I feel like on some level, they know they're not putting themselves out there enough, but the depression and laziness make it hard to summon the energy or conviction needed to change/improve. Especially when there's no guarantee it'll work.

They're stuck in a "If this doesn't work, it's OVER" mentality when it's more useful to have a "If this doesn't work, oh well, it'll be a funny story later" mentality.

However, while it's a large part of conversation on this sub, out in the wild, I think most people generally understand that you can do everything "right" and still fail, when it comes to dating. Because every single person is a little different, and no two people are attracted tot he same thing - even the first person you date vs the second person you date!

CarHungry · 2024-09-20T23:28:24+00:00

It's actually more like a respect check in saints row and then the rest is rng.

CarHungry · 2024-09-20T23:28:38+00:00

It's actually more like a respect check in saints row and then the rest is rng.

GridReXX · 2024-09-21T18:26:29+00:00

It’s not about it being your fault or anyone’s fault. It’s about identifying the issue.

If you are always rejected by a variety of people, then it’s safe to say that you are likely physically or behaviorallly unattractive in some way shape or form.

I’m not saying that’s your fault. But it does seem to be the issue. And when an issue like that is identified people are going to make suggestions or give advice to alleviate one of those things are both.

And no sometimes the answer isn’t that you have to change what you look like or how you act. But you might have to change how you think. Like for example maybe you need to start going to spaces where the type of people who like you for exactly how you are in more ample supply? That doesn’t mean that you’ll be attracted to those people.

Parrotsandarmadillos · 2024-09-19T13:43:42+00:00

If it’s with a few specific people, then yeah, you’re not their type. But many guys who struggle to get in a relationship, whether that’s being friend-zoned or creep-zoned could really use some time to step back and reflect on why this might be happening to them.

angelbaby933 · 2024-09-19T11:11:02+00:00

I think online dating exacerbates this - I met my bf in person but I think if I saw his profile on a dating app I wouldn’t have matched with him but when we met in person we were immediately attracted on got on well.

So if your only means of dating is online you probably feel like your situation is worse than it actually is.

SheDrankMySeed · 2024-09-19T11:31:18+00:00

If you aren’t perfect they will find a flaw and leave

Hoopy223 · 2024-09-20T00:57:27+00:00

Just max out charisma, endurance, dexterity, strength, use intelligence as your dump stat and you can’t go wrong.

nightsofthesunkissed · 2024-09-19T11:23:01+00:00

Even if you're attractive and cool etc enough, you still won't be everyones cup of tea.

AutoModerator · 2024-09-19T10:49:21+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2024-09-19T10:49:21+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

MikeArrow · 2024-09-19T12:03:44+00:00

100% it is.

I spent time levelling up my Charisma (through socialising, building confidence, and overcoming my social anxiety).

I invested skill points into my Intelligence (by being well read and getting a degree).

But I neglected my Strength, Dexterity and Constitution (letting myself get fat and losing all my muscle tone).

If I could get at least a 10 (+0) in my physical traits, which is the average score for a Commoner, then I'd do ok.

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-09-19T12:12:39+00:00

It’s absolutely no ones fault if you’re unsuccessful in dating. The reality is in dating you only have control over your own actions so you have to keep changing things up to see what works if you desire the outcome of having someone interested in you.

SaBahRub · 2024-09-19T14:06:03+00:00

If you can’t attract, you’re not attractive

SlashCo80 · 2024-09-19T14:56:50+00:00

It's a mix of both, imo. Many guys could use some self-improvement, which doesn't need to be as hard or impossible as some make it out to be - improving your fitness level, fashion and social skills isn't some insurmountable obstacle. At the same time, these will help but they are not magical keys to attracting everyone. Sometimes you just won't be somebody's type - but you may be someone else's.

plmnkoco · 2024-09-19T15:03:38+00:00

With OLD there is already baseline physical interest based on pictures so if it doesn't go anywhere its absolutely because the guy failed. Sometimes the pictures can be misleading as well.

anewlookav · 2024-09-19T15:53:36+00:00

I see dating as a combintation of both

Generally, I believe the best way to succeed at dating is to min/max your stats, no different than an RPG character - taking into account starting stats and what character type fits you best.

If you're natural stats are low in physical attributes, you better maximize the things that help increase your earning potential or charisma.

Of course, you also have to take into account the people you want to date. You can't use charisma against someone who only cares about physical attribtutes. It'll just never work

EugeneCezanne · 2024-09-20T23:25:10+00:00

Most of the time, this sub isn't talking about making someone interested. We're talking about making anyone interested and dealing with guys who have years-long cold streaks. At a a certain point, you have to figure the guy is the common denominator.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-09-19T15:45:56+00:00

I don't think you get how skill checks work. It's a dice roll with modifiers. It's not your fault for rolling badly. There's an element of luck but if you're more or less suited to that skill/person it can be more or less likely. Ironically that's actually quite a lot like dating.

TopShelfSnipes · 2024-09-19T16:21:15+00:00

If people get rejected once, it's not their fault.

If people get rejected a few times, it's probably not their fault, but might be.

If people get rejected all the time, yes, it's their fault.

If people don't even try, that's completely their fault.

MrAnonPoster · 2024-09-19T12:27:19+00:00

Hi! Captain Obvious is here: the single commonality between all the things you tried and failed with all those women is.... Wait for it.. wait for it..

You

Thats right. You are that commonality. That means it is your fault. Now, if there was say a raccoon that showed up on all your dates and joined you then the commonality would have been you and a raccoon so we could blame both of you. Alas, there was no raccoon. Hence it is 100 percent on you

MongoBobalossus · 2024-09-19T11:00:35+00:00

Depends, honestly. If you’re you’re striking out every time, there’s only one common denominator there: you.

MidoriEgg · 2024-09-19T15:03:50+00:00

I think people like to think that there is a particular constellation of ‘stats’ you can have combined with particular ‘dialogue choices’ that guarantee romantic success and happiness, because that makes it seem like the world is more in their control. Obviously, having good game, good appearance etc helps increase your chances but real life is unpredictable.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-09-19T17:00:02+00:00

You're talking about two different cases. If someone didn't click with a few people, that's just how dating works, you're not going to click with everyone. But if you've never managed to click with anyone chances are that there's something about you that's offputting and you should try to figure it out and work on it if you want to be romantically successful. A couple of failures aren't a sign of something being wrong with the person but ONLY having failures with a variety of different people is an indication that there is probably something the person should get to the bottom of.

Title	I feel like people see dating as some sort of rpg skill check
Author	TowerRough
Upvotes	91
Comments	263
Date	September 19, 2024 10:49 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1fkhuwn/i_feel_like_people_see_dating_as_some_sort_of_rpg/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/i-feel-like-people-see-dating-as-some-sort-of-rpg.1530721 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530721

Comments