Women Discriminate Against Single Dads Much More Than Guys Do with Single Moms

ARX7 · 2024-10-14T00:01:07+00:00

I tell these women you’re looking at this wrong and should consider dads, they’ve shown commitment before they love their kids. Any guy over 35 that’s never settled down prob isn’t going to now.

Is that why the divorce rate for second marriages is so low? Lol.

Feisty-Saturn · 2024-10-14T00:52:20+00:00

Being over 35 and not settled down doesn’t mean a guy has no intention to. It just means past relationships have failed or being in a relationship was not the focus of his youth.

I also don’t think women expect single dads to abandon their children. They just don’t feel like involving those complications in their life.

I’m a firm believer that single parents should predominately focus dating other single parents. It creates less of an imbalance in the relationship because both parties are bringing the same baggage to the table.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2024-10-14T02:18:24+00:00

You’re a single dad talking about how you won’t date a single mom… oh the irony

fakingandnotmakingit · 2024-10-14T00:33:50+00:00

...men and women who don't want to raise other people's kids are valid in their preferences.

They don't hate you. They just don't want to date you.

In general most women don't hate men who don't want to date single mums. We hate the rhetoric of hate that gets levelled at them.

Like most women aren't going "single dads are stupid people who should vett people. They're shit stains on society"

On the other hand I can show a thousand threads on this sub from men complaining about the very existence of single mothers.

I repeat. Not wanting to date you is not discrimination.

I don't hate christians. I don't want to persecute and systematically oppress Christians. Or muslims. Or even Jews. I still would never date anyone religious.

I don't hate people who want to live rural. I don't want to systematically oppress or discriminate against them. I still want to live urban and won't date anyone who doesn't

I don't hate people who aren't active physically. I don't hate people who don't like the outdoors. I don't hate people who's hobbies are only games (as a gamer myself I like being outside and talking to people in person and hiking and cycling)

I just don't want to date them.

Interesting-Cause936 · 2024-10-14T03:01:22+00:00

Single parents never seem to want to date one another. Men and women who are single parents ALWAYS want someone without kids in my child-free experience. You won’t date someone in their 30s or who is a single parent, so what, you want a childfree woman in her 20s to take on your baggage? I think single parents should date each other and leave the child free men and women alone.

operation-spot · 2024-10-14T01:04:50+00:00

I’m a young woman and I’m simply not ready to be a mother in any capacity so why would I sign up for that? I also wouldn’t date a man who’s abandoned his children because if he does that to his own flesh and blood he can only do worse to me.

Plenty of other men show commitment so there’s just no reason to choose a single dad over a single man. I’m also not at that stage in life and want to live with less responsibility. Can you explain why women in their 30s are out of the question and state your age?

missmireya · 2024-10-13T23:36:53+00:00

Childfree woman here. I don't hate single dads at all- I actually think it's great that you took on the full load of taking responsibility of your kids. I was also raised by a single mom.

That being said, I don't date single fathers because I do not want to deal with children in any capacity. I want to be able to do things spontaneously with a potential partner.

I'm sorry women have been shitty to you. Why TF would they want you to abandon your own children? These sound like terrible women...so why would you want to partner up with any of them?

Women can get dates so easy

Are you talking about women in general, or single mothers?

I can tell you from being on dating apps, that most men despise single moms. They will never say it to their faces though. I've had men tell me (without their knowledge that I was raised by a single mom) that the only reason they date women with kids is because there's next to zero options otherwise. I've heard them call single moms losers, stupid, worthless, loose, unworthy of a relationship, and other colorful words that I'm not going to repeat here.

The single moms who refuse to date single fathers are just as bad. Why should they automatically think they get to date men without kids? Unless the guy physically cannot have his own children, most men aren't going to pay or take care of someone else's kids.

krackedy · 2024-10-13T23:28:51+00:00

I wonder if it's because women are often expected to do a lot more parenting so they don't want to risk having to be "mom" for some random kid?

NJFlowerchild · 2024-10-13T23:50:51+00:00

I married a single father and adopted his daughter. The caveat was that his first wife died. I wouldn't have dated a divorced man with a child.

inchoate-chaos · 2024-10-14T01:11:56+00:00

Not dating parents if you don’t want to be a stepparent is just the smart and ethical thing to do. The problem isn’t not wanting to date single mothers, it’s the incredibly misogynistic vitriol towards their existence.

BusyCat1003 · 2024-10-14T01:37:11+00:00

Is that the case now? My parents divorced when my mom was 35 and my dad was 44. The kids were 13 (me), 9, and 7.

My dad had no problem getting remarried in 3 years and had the new wife care for two kids. Mom, on the other hand, had a hard time because men didn’t want a divorced woman with one almost grown kid.

MistyMaisel · 2024-10-14T02:04:02+00:00

I'd never be shitty to you. I don't massively respect anyone for raising their kids. They're your kids, that's what you're meant to do.

I'd just be honest, I'm not interested in raising someone else's kids outside of adoption maybe when i am older. I'm not interested in having a partner who is appropriately more committed to someone else than me. I'm not interested in the baggage of a baby mama. It's all just very unsexy, unfun, and likely to be drama and a headache.

I'd rather be alone than date a single dad. And that's OK, it takes a really special person to want to get in that kind of mess they didn't make with someone else.

Fiestygirl000 · 2024-10-14T10:54:15+00:00

I’m not dating a man with children . If that limits my pool then so be it. Single dads typically seek out single child free women to help them with the labor since most don’t like being care takers. Not my child not my responsibility

rustlerhuskyjeans · 2024-10-14T12:07:36+00:00

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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

Existing-Bug-7910 · 2024-10-13T23:34:27+00:00

It’s not self-defense if you hit someone back. Dating preferences are not form of discrimination 😭 Their action makes them the aggressor, too. Self-defense is meant to prevent further escalation, while hitting back is just revenge—nothing more. Single dads are often just as unattractive to women as single moms are to men.”

Reasonable-Cookie783 · 2024-10-14T06:23:18+00:00

I can't really say as a single man with no kids. That being said I saw a study that being a single mom was the number one reason men swiped left on a dating profile. Being a single dad was on the woman's list for swiping left but further down. Me personally I could deal with 1 kid but the woman would have to be an absolute smoke show with a great personality. I'm not really about not being a priority and having plans cancelled all the time plus a chance to have to deal with a whako ex occasionally.

Gilmoregirlin · 2024-10-14T00:19:59+00:00

How old are you?

Solondthewookiee · 2024-10-13T23:32:11+00:00

There's no problem not wanting to date someone with kids.

The problem is the unsolicited denigration and vitriol directed at single parents wanting to date. I'm struggling to think of the last time such a thread appeared on this sub complaining about single dads, but you can see it almost weekly complaining about the audacity of single moms ever wanting to find love.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2024-10-14T08:41:00+00:00

It's because they don't want to be mothers.

ThatBitchA · 2024-10-14T00:02:12+00:00

A single parent doesn't show me commitment. It shows me the consequences.

PralinePecanPie · 2024-10-14T04:47:16+00:00

I’ve never seen anything even close to the levels of disgust and hatred towards single moms being towards single dads. Never seen massive amounts of women say that single fathers are always responsible for it because they should know how to keep a woman. Never seen women say single fathers are horrible parents for failing to keep the mom in the picture. Never seen women say single fathers are used up and have no worth pursuing. Never seen women go out of their way to contact single dads on dating apps to berate them and post them online. But ive seen all of this towards single moms, many times. Just because you dont have luck with dating doesnt mean that single fathers arent generally perceived as noble, while single mothers are often times perceived as irresponsible.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2024-10-14T00:07:31+00:00

Any person would prefer to date someone without kids if they have a choice. Nobody wants to have their partner’s time, attention and money spent elsewhere, nobody wants to work around the children schedule, etc.

Women have the choice men often don’t as their value on the market is much higher. As a single dad myself, I understand you but it’s safe to assume that 80% of women won’t even remotely consider dating someone like you or me. This is especially true for women who are attractive and have other desirable traits.

apresonly · 2024-10-14T02:27:17+00:00

How do you know your dating app experiences aren’t the same as men who aren’t fathers? They describe exactly this same experience all the time.

Obsidian_Koilz · 2024-10-14T10:52:35+00:00

Women in their 30s are mostly out of the question for me to date. Either the woman got kids and having a Brady Bunch situation is a nightmare idea for them. Then if woman doesn’t have kids, they don’t want to have anything to do with you, because they want to have kids just their own.

.... or have reached their thirties and decided they don't want to have children at all. This includes children that single fathers bring into the relationship. This isn't a mark against *you, it's the fact that they don't want to raise anyone's children, not even their own.

Intermingling families is a powder keg situation- especially if there are older children, past partners still involved (visitation, partial custody, etc...) Most people aren't interested in adding strife and tension into their daily lives. That's men and women.

Not to mention that if things don't work out, you're breaking up with the children as well as their parent. That can be a devastating situation for the children as well as yourself.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2024-10-14T13:01:25+00:00

Most of my friend group are women in their 30s, more often than not, when they dated men who had kids - the men were all too happy and eager to make them an instant mom. These men expected them to want to play the nurturing maternal role and take over parenting duties almost immediately after they started dating.

It happened often enough that they stopped dating men with kids.

BirdLawOnly · 2024-10-13T23:19:44+00:00

You made irresponsible breading decisions and you're mad women who didn't are vetting you for it? Ridiculous.

GobboChomps · 2024-10-14T06:58:46+00:00

I truly believe the reason single moms get more "dates" and "interest" is bc men are willing to go for a "hit and quit" casual thing if they arent full interested while the women are hoping for a relationship theyll fully enjoy - thus the "men wont take us seriously" stuff. Im sure theres exceptions but Ive noticed women dont waste time dating dudes they already know theyre not fully interested in, bc the sex fling + dump when done part isnt even really a bonus or a positive in their eyes.

As far as why not though, speaking from my own situation its honestly just the logistics/balance/priority issue for me personally. Theres nothing for me in those situations. Im aware of that up front so I will never pursue it. Im not a compatible partner for dads and theyre not compatible with me, starting a doomed relationship neither of us will be happy in is wasting time. And even if I do make the guy happy, how unfair is that you know?? I want to be fulfilled and happy in my relationship as well. I literally cannot obtain either of those 2 things with a single dad. Believe me I have tried. He has everything to gain and nothing to lose, bc hes reaping benefits off me while refusing to concede even an inch towards my comfort or happiness. Its always the same song and dance. Im no longer willing to sacrifice things, no matter how small, that are a given in a normal relationship for natural consequences related to (arguably poor) decisions I had no involvement with.

Its not fair and even the smallest things that seem like no big deal tend to add up so to speak, and as a whole even the most ideal situation with a single parent is unequal, unbalanced, unfair at best and I dont think single parents fully realize that until its "I wont date another single parent even though I am one"... since youre in that camp, take a real hard look at why that is - thats how childless folks feel about parents too.

themfluencer · 2024-10-14T16:33:18+00:00

I was raised by a single dad. I can attest that dating wasn’t easy for him, nor was it for my mother. I think dating is generally hard but once you throw in kids it gets more complex- you have to not only form a relationship with the person, but with the kids too. And often the other parent- which is scary in its own right. And kids are hard work- not everyone wants to be a parent to your kids and that’s ok. The people who are for you will find you. I hope you find someone who’s into you and your kids and yall are able to have a wonderful coparenting relationship. :)

attendquoi · 2024-10-14T01:25:12+00:00

I don't want kids in any capacity. If you don't have custody, then maybe. But I'm not helping you parent.

Proper_Frosting_6693 · 2024-10-14T07:53:46+00:00

Guys only want single moms for casual sex, especially nowadays! Unless she’s really hot, most guys don’t want to raise another man’s child.

Women, especially those in their 30s will feel the same way! They want to have their own kids, not raise someone else’s. A girl in her 20s mightn’t be thinking about having her own kids yet while a woman in her 40s, post wall will understand that the most guys her age either have kids or will never have them so are probably more realistic with their expectations!

shadowstep12 · 2024-10-14T13:02:42+00:00

For everyone who keeps bringing up child free people. No this is a post about single parents dating.

You don't go after child free people as a single parent.

That's like having a high sex drive and going after a aroace person it's going to fail 99% of the time

They are automatically excluded cause we all should expect the bare minimum of being a good person from the one with the dating disadvantage here.

And bringing them up just feels like a gotcha

SeaworthinessSea2407 · 2024-10-14T18:01:10+00:00

So you're a single dad and won't date single moms, and you're complaining? A bit hypocritical don't you think?

RelativeYak7 · 2024-10-13T23:38:00+00:00

Most women want to be number one and if the man has kids that slot is not available.

lostacoshermanos · 2024-10-14T06:14:50+00:00

The worst women I’ve found are the child free amimal nutters. Especially ones with dogs and especially shit bulls.

mobjack · 2024-10-14T12:09:21+00:00

I have no issue being a 40 year old single dad on dating apps.

It sounds like your issue is that you are hiding the fact that you have kids on your dating profile. I am a proud father and let that be known. Some women are attracted to that and are looking for that in your profile.

IHaveABigDuvet · 2024-10-14T13:35:19+00:00

Well, women aren’t all over the internet decimating single mothers at every turn. Making them a lesser class of women is a form of discrimination imo.

QuantityAcademic · 2024-10-14T00:08:19+00:00

No offence bro, but if I was somehow saddled with kids, I too would dump them just so I could improve my dating life.

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rustlerhuskyjeans · 2024-10-14T00:43:46+00:00

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neverendingplush93 · 2024-10-14T07:36:20+00:00

I've never heard of any dude with kids not getting dates unless they they're not an attractive partner to begin with. If you're 45 with two teenagers , overweight and way past your prime ,no shit. If anything having a kid could help your chances if you're active in their life.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-10-14T14:24:12+00:00

well, i know with me, it wasnt so much the "having kids" but the "having to basically stay married to the kids mom to deal with the arrangements around the kids". i wouldn't be able to tolerate that. if he had kids and the mom was dead that would be fine

ThanosSnapsSlimJims · 2024-10-14T15:02:02+00:00

There's also lots of stories on Reddit of trying to get single dads arrested for taking their kid to get groceries.

bluepvtstorm · 2024-10-14T16:13:25+00:00

I dated a single dad once. I would rather walk across brown glass than ever do that again.

Single dads see childfree women as a resource. It’s a resource of time, money, and effort. Why would a woman who does not have children sign up for that knowing what the potential pitfalls are.

Who willingly signs up for a life of less fun, less freedom and less options? No sane person should do that unless they are looking for a soft place to land.

The double edged sword of step parent taking on all the risk and still being treated like hired help. Absolutely not. Not to mention the financial expectations. Nope. Not a chance in hell.

AilynCcasani · 2024-10-14T18:06:44+00:00

I’ll be brutally honest and admit that I just never liked the idea of ending up sharing my bf’s/husband’s time and resources with another rando’s child that doesn’t have anything to do with me lmfao, especially because eventually I’ll also have to play mom #2 to the kid even though it isn’t even mine and on top of that dealing with an ex forever? Hell no.

“B-b-but if he takes care of his kids and still provides for the ones you have with him why would you care” he still can’t invest into our new family as much as he would be able to do if he didn’t have children with an ex, and that won’t change no matter how much money he makes 😭 call me selfish or greedy idc but that just always made me feel a little weird, so I’ll never date a single dad.

There’s PLENTY of single childless men around to choose from that don’t come with that baggage. I don’t even understand why would a young woman with no kids prefer a single dad over a guy with no kids? “Love” aside, what the hell is she getting from that relationship except more experience babysitting (which is something many women don’t really have interest doing unless it’s their own child or a family member, or at least that’s how I feel).

The only way I’ll date a single dad is if I become a single mom myself, which sounds fair to me, but apparently many hypocritical single parents like OP create many excuses to not date another single parent, even if their logic is ridiculous (Where did you get the idea that women in their 20s want a single dad lmfao? At least I’m in my 20s and I’ve never met a girl my age that would choose one over a guy with no kids)

mumblebumblegrumble · 2024-10-14T19:04:09+00:00

Well, I don't see women saying single fathers are "for use". They just leave them alone and don't date them.

Difficult_Falcon1022 · 2024-10-14T12:34:15+00:00

Nothing in your post actually backs up the claim in your title though, you simply mention your own struggles as a single dad.

I'm bisexual and I'd prefer to not date anyone with kids. It's a lifestyle preference. If I'm gonna have my life turned upside down by kids I'd rather they were my own. I don't think I'll have kids, so I'd prefer to live the upside of that I.e. DINK, no childcare responsibilities etc.

_weedkiller_ · 2024-10-14T13:32:39+00:00

It’s not “discrimination” it’s discernment and preference. I’m a single mum and I date women. You are right, they do ghost when you tell them you’ve got kids. That’s because they’ve thought through what they are looking for. They know what they do and don’t want in their life and it’s entirely reasonable for them to select people who don’t have kids.
It sucks as it massively narrows the dating pool for single parents, but I don’t blame them. Much more concerned about men walking in to relationships with single mothers, not even considering how that might work out.

ExcelsiorState718 · 2024-10-14T04:41:19+00:00

Women are more picky and discriminatory in general

bobbyg06 · 2024-10-14T03:45:09+00:00

Hahaha the double standards of the sisterhood are insane!

missmireya · 2024-10-13T23:37:50+00:00

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throwaway1276444 · 2024-10-14T13:23:25+00:00

I only have anecdotal evidence to share. But I have a close friend with 2 kids. She is now single and on tinder all the time. Fair enough.

Her reasoning for rejecting single dads. She would never be able to not take her own kids side, in every situation and expects that every parent out there is the same.

Ppdebatesomental · 2024-10-14T23:44:47+00:00

I never hated single dads in the way the incelz hate single moms, but I didn’t really want to date one. Single dads pretty much have identical baggage to single moms, plus the one single dad I dated (very) briefly had custody on the weekends which are prime times to date when you are getting to know someone.

The hate for single moms here is palpable,” they have poor decision making skills”, “they chose wrong” etc. etc. I’m a grown person who has seen many relationships fall apart, I don’t need to demonize anyone because a relationship fell apart. Shit happens. But it’s equally valid for either a man or a woman to not want to date a parent.

No-Mulberry7538 · 2024-10-14T13:15:36+00:00

No they don't, I have not had any trouble getting dates with single women or women with kids.

CaptainZardok · 2024-10-13T23:25:16+00:00

It depend because men who have multiple children can keep going but probably with other low value women. But yeah all women do is complain, a single Dad can also have a hard time since he cant became a prostitute, onlyfans or have a Suggar Momma easily.

Title	Women Discriminate Against Single Dads Much More Than Guys Do with Single Moms
Author	rustlerhuskyjeans
Upvotes	61
Comments	309
Date	October 13, 2024 11:07 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1g32bq9/women_discriminate_against_single_dads_much_more/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-discriminate-against-single-dads-much-more.1533151 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533151

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