Being likable does not mean being sexually attractive.

nnuunn · 2025-02-06T00:18:18+00:00

Obviously your mother isn't going to tell you that girls like mustaches, big trucks, and defined back muscles or whatever, but for everyone else, you shouldn't give advice if you're not considering their perspective. If it's not lying, then it's negligent at least to just hand wave away the importance of sexual attraction. You need to have both sexual attraction and being likeable, yes, and you should say that instead of "just be nice" or "just treat her like a human being."

According-Tea-3014 · 2025-02-06T07:49:16+00:00

Women will say anything but "just be physically attractive" even when it's essentially all they're saying

Eastoss · 2025-02-06T01:37:20+00:00

I agree with the idea. Not with the "men understand women wrong", men are literally told that nice = sexy. From women, mothers, sisters, teachers, medias, fictions. That's the blue pill. There's a reason why men decided to take matrix analogy with blue pill and red pill, the reason being that everyone is lied to and given a false reality.

Remember that a few decades ago the heart of feminism was that women were no different from men, that included feminism convincing men that women were sexual, would watch porn, and would conflate RMV with SMV like men do.

chocobolamo · 2025-02-06T01:25:35+00:00

except when you become attractive as a man your entire experience completely changes. women treat you much better in all scenarios. you are really downplaying the halo effect. You basically go from creepy to fuck me daddy. The 'lets build a relationship' goes completely out the window when you become chad, it goes straight to let me cook you dinner and straddle you daddy.

Eyoshias · 2025-02-06T00:45:34+00:00

When mommy says “Being nice makes a girl like you” she did not mean, “Be nice and females will drop their panties, then beg you for sex”.

My older female relatives all told me things along the lines of "you're a handsome young man soon I'll have to beat the girls off you with a broom" or "women throw themselves at gentlemen". Older women know their heterosexual sons/grandsons/nieces dont want advice on how to have the most platonic female friends at school but obviously they are women and aren't going to give the most efficient advice to be seen as sexually desirable to young women because they don't want to redpill their sons with the fact that sexually desirable and good person don't always go hand in hand or they have aged out of dating dynamics and are oblivious to the reality. A 30+ woman isn't looking for the same things a 15-29 year old woman are because they are at different stages in life and are going to recommend their sons do what they would want in a man which is a gentleman who is safe and not necessary as sexually competitive as other men.

woodclip · 2025-02-06T00:32:32+00:00

“But assholes get relationships.” Like I have said before, the women are terrible, traumatized, mentally ill, or superficial. These are not the relationships normal people want.

Or maybe the women who get into relationships with "assholes" are completely normal and well-adjusted and are with their "asshole" partners because they find them sexually attractive.

Puzzleheaded_ghost · 2025-02-06T00:51:28+00:00

Looks (60%) and personality (10-15%) are the top factors, followed by socioeconomic, race, and others. These features account for the 10% of men who match the 70% of women, amplified to 90% on the apps. The mating skew is not just looks. It's the whole throbbing, sweating, unshaven package.

Nice guys get long-term relationships. A nice Chad beats an abusive Chad in the long term.

If you are ugly as shit and you're nice, you're just trying to get sex. It doesn't matter how nice you are. You're a creep. You won't be respected. Your best bet is the friend zone or pitty sex. Yech. Go to Onlyfans and pay.

There are no creeps, just ugly men.

If you're Chad and you're trying to get sex....

Worried-Swan6435 · 2025-02-06T02:38:01+00:00

This is a good point, and valid.

The problem is this OP. If you're not sexually attractive -- you're still not likeable, in that sense. And relationships between lovers are usually the deepest, most intimate and most meaningful ones we have.

So let me ask you another question -- what makes a girl LOVE you? You can be a decent likeable person, pro-social with good values, and get blown the fuck out in the dating game.

There's no shortage of material devoted to addressing toxic or evil behaviour from men who women love, for the obvious reason that they're a massive drain on society. Deadbeat dads, abusers, rapists, criminals, whatever. There's very little said in comparison about men who don't cause trouble, but who just don't ever really seem to get into the game.

This is not the first time I've seen this discussed (of course). But if you care, here's a link to a relevant blog piece.

https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/31/radicalizing-the-romanceless/

growframe · 2025-02-06T00:08:36+00:00

what is there beyond the bare minimum looks threshold?

For most guys that are making those kinds of posts, this is an irrelevant question because they don't make that bare minimum threshold in the first place.

thisaccountaintrea1 · 2025-02-06T00:25:08+00:00

I've said this before, but when people say "personality is just as important as looks", they're absolutely right. It's just that the personality traits required to get laid and the personality traits required to be a good person are not necessarily the same.

A man who is confident, assertive, funny, and charismatic will find no shortage of woman willing to date him, regardless of how he treats others. A man who is awkward, meek, passive, and humorless will have very little success with women, regardless of how he treats others.

EsotericRonin · 2025-02-05T23:58:19+00:00

This should be common sense

Proudvow · 2025-02-06T04:46:14+00:00

When women talk about what they want and like, theyre generally gonna talk about relationships.

The advice fails for relationships too. Being likable alone does not get men relationships.

evilschizo · 2025-02-06T04:57:41+00:00

I agree with the title, but I think most of your post is bunk.

I don’t think a man can be an ugly fuck and get play from any woman by being nice and I think few actually do. A lot of us are led to believe that personality takes priority over looks for most women and that we can (to some extent) compensate for some aspects of our looks and create attraction via our personalities and moral fiber. I heard this ad nauseam from the women of all ages (moms, sisters, relatives, teachers, friends, family friends, etc) and I’ve seen it repeated a lot online. Every guy in my friend group has heard some version of this from the women in their lives. And then when I tell women I’m single or struggling with dating they go “whaaaat I can’t believe that you’re such a nice and funny guy” or something along those lines.

The real twist of the knife for a lot of guys on this topic is the propensity of some women (online, mostly) to attack men or assume they’re actually a bad person/misogynist/creep/incel when a guy struggling with dating brings up his face, height, or the idea that his physical appearance is holding him back. If that wasn’t happening, I don’t think most men would be as up in arms. It’s the fact that women lie by omission about attraction and then shit on men who fail to attract based on what they’ve been told by women all their lives that pisses men off. Too many times I’ve seen women look at this fairly reasonable complaint from men about a lack of honesty and just take “ohhhh so men think if they’re nice I’ll auto spread my legs” from it. I know they’re still gonna do that here and deny that this idealistic horseshit is fed to us from a very young age and even to now, or blame us for actually listening to what the women in our lives tell us, but whatever.

PuffStyle · 2025-02-06T05:09:37+00:00

Your entire post is flawed because:

The more a girl likes a guy, the more she wants to sleep with him. The less she likes him, the less she wants to have sex with him.

Also, no one tells guys “Being nice makes a girl like you" with the goal of getting in the friend zone. They are saying it in the context of getting into a romantic relationship which would obviously include sex at some point.

twilightlatte · 2025-02-06T00:29:18+00:00

Men think relationships are about sex and looks because that’s all they care about. I think having a compelling personality can contribute to SMV, but it’s one part of the whole. Men also have a tough time multitasking and downstream of that, seem to be unable to hold multiple things in their heads about dating at once. I don’t know if you’re right or wrong, but being unpleasant will not work if you’re autistic and average-looking (likely most of the men in this sub).

PPD_DailyPoster · 2025-02-06T05:15:12+00:00

Well I'm that case the moms should know what boys are like, what they want, and tailor their advice accordingly.

Southern_Source_2580 · 2025-02-06T06:06:24+00:00

Nice guys are seen as pushovers even if they're genuinely kind all through like a saint just a good person, can this good person get liked by women? Yes, can this good person elicit lust in most woman as is (pedophiliac dynamics exist in women)? No, they will only be seen as a friend or a little brother, almost like a boy.

When guys who have been kind all their life grow up aka take the red pill etc they realize that even though they've been kind not to get something out of people as the nice guy term has been tarnished by, but because that's what they have been told wins a woman's heart, praise her buy her flowers don't call her names when she says something you don't agree with to be kind about it, no reason to ever hit a woman etc etc. Then doesn't win over any woman's heart they begin to question why? They don't treat them with disrespect, don't hit them, don't manipulate them, they're literally showing them their hearts and only get either ignored or laughed at for being like a lil boy who doesn't know "how women work".

When how women work is via eliciting an emotional response they want to win against a man who is just arrogant enough to not praise her and in a way treat her like an equal by not putting her on a pedestal. There's plenty of women who get called dumb to put it lightly on the first encounter and the woman is enthralled by this arrogant man whereas if a nice guy came up and started saying OMG you're gorgeous I wanted to say hi and would like if you're willing to go on a date because you're are perfect AWW is the only response they'll get no emotion that leads to lust was elicited, unless you think being praised like a lil boy seeing a pretty woman leads to lust idk doesn't tend to work unless you're in fact real tall and attractive.

Likeable gets you "girl friends" but being just unlikable enough gets you a woman.

topforce · 2025-02-06T11:28:12+00:00

So if being likable doesn't get you laid or in relationship, but it's important for maintaining non-toxic relationships. That would also suggest that if someone has friends, but struggles romantically, he is either ugly or lacks rizz(or both).

catdog8020 · 2025-02-06T05:04:48+00:00

What do women like in a man is very very very very very obvious and the data is clear on the dating apps and my personal experience on the dating apps not getting hardly any matches.

Woman choose someone who is attractive. Ain’t no woman gonna be going for no ugly man, Short, fat, bald, guy. STOP THE CAP. 30 years ago I would agree. The majority of woman on the dating apps aren’t choosing the fucking hobbit 😂lol they are choosing Chad and Chad little. Of course not all woman but about 80% do. This is normal since our society is all about looks why can’t woman be truthful and say they want a Superman chad and secondarily a man with high emotional intelligence which is going to be rare. Many woman are not consciously aware of their behavior where it comes to dating. Maybe the woman on Reddit are enlightened but this is not the norm - stop the cap woman tell the truth and be honest with your delusional standards. Hell, even if chad gets the box or the kitty even that asshole has to be Carl Rogers if he wants a long term relationship. Even chad is confused with what woman want after he has sex with them lol.

ThisBoringLife · 2025-02-06T02:23:17+00:00

The issue here is that generations ago the qualities considered attractive, from the limited perspectives of parents and grandparents, being likable was enough. That is why parents speak with no hidden subtext or lines to read between. What they did worked for them, what they saw that worked was enough.

Given the culture shift and rise of social media, I think we have better evidence to say such personality traits aren't enough. Looks matter more than personality, and both have to be exceptional enough to be considered attractive.

As for relationships, most guys I'd wager focus on the sex because getting to that point denotes sufficient attraction to warrant a relationship. He likes her, she likes him, and sex is usually prime evidence of that. Sexless relationships exist, but even after a time something seems amiss when one goes without.

FunPoltergeist · 2025-02-06T00:25:38+00:00

Sometimes that’s all a guy has to try is to be nice as he can. Sexually attractive men aren’t just pretty widely seen as that. If they’re halfway charming they slay. Average nice guy doesn’t.

wtknight · 2025-02-06T00:49:31+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ChoiceMundane8843 · 2025-02-05T23:54:17+00:00

I'm an asshole and I play nice to get panties to drop. Women aren't hard to figure out at all.

Spirited_Cod260 · 2025-02-06T02:59:56+00:00

If being/looking likeable means a guy is or looks harmless its the kiss of death relationship wise. The absolute worst thing a guy can do is to be perceived as harmless. Harmless isn't sexy.

Golden Retriever guys are pets not fuck buddies.

meisterkraus · 2025-02-06T12:20:55+00:00

When mommy says “Being nice makes a girl like you” she did not mean, “Be nice and females will drop their panties, then beg you for sex

That is what was said to me and others. You have stripped all context from the conversation to have it fit your narrative.

Churchneanderthal · 2025-02-06T01:47:43+00:00

Reasonable men agree with all of this and feel the same way. Most people want a soul mate and a best friend in a life partner. It's a tall order though.

petellapain · 2025-02-06T14:09:06+00:00

The problem is not really in telling guys to be considerate or have manners. The problem is actively obscuring what does cause sexual attraction in women. Mothers should sound like Andrew tate. They should be hounding their sons to get rich, fit, dominant, competitive and capable of physical violence.

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AssPlay69420 · 2025-02-06T01:32:48+00:00

I think more of us value those things than you’d think

SadCahita · 2025-02-09T19:55:17+00:00

Why the fuck would I care about being likeable to women but not sexually attractive to them? That sounds like a hellish way to live. Platonic relationships with women are overrated.

ambrosedc · 2025-02-13T01:02:24+00:00

Strawman fallacy

Jesus-God-Cornbread · 2025-02-06T00:28:29+00:00

This is a great post. But this is PPD. No one recognizes nuance here and needs things spelled out. Also they’re not normal. Great effort though.

globeaute · 2025-02-06T04:55:08+00:00

When you ask “What do women like in a man” it should NOT be code for “What do women find sexy and who would they fuck?”

Great thread, but this really hit the nail on the head. I think it’s mostly because most males don’t have or refuse to develop a mental capacity for thoughts outside of food, sleep, and “muh dick”. They spend so much time thinking about what (human or not) they want to fuck that they think women must do the same, and for many reasons this isn’t something must of us do.

Former_Range_1730 · 2025-02-06T16:36:08+00:00

Exactly. A lot of men confused this.

Thank-You-rand-pct-d · 2025-02-06T03:11:52+00:00

Unless its a hookup

Fuck hookups

“But assholes get relationships.” Like I have said before, the women are terrible, traumatized, mentally ill, or superficial.

Being likable does not mean being sexually attractive

It seems like these two positions feed negatively into each other. Being likable and sexually attractive is mutually inclusive. I.e. I can't be wüüd by a charismatic sentient broom, nor would I have sex with the best-looking person in a coma. If likable ≠ sexually attractive, then assholes get relationships, and people have sex with brooms and the comatose. I find their one in the same.

Being likable does not mean being sexually attractive.

Comments

Brief Summary of Determinants of Attraction

Key Factors Affecting Attraction:

Conclusion

references below

References:

Title	Being likable does not mean being sexually attractive.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	52
Comments	352
Date	February 5, 2025 11:50 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1iiopwu/being_likable_does_not_mean_being_sexually/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/being-likable-does-not-mean-being-sexually.1543081 https://theredarchive.com/post/1543081