For men who have been approached at least once in their life: Do you think the women who approached you were in your league?

ArkAngelEV · 2025-04-29T00:02:04+00:00

Of two times in my life, the first was slightly a clear one step above my league, and of course i fumbled it

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2025-04-28T23:53:15+00:00

She was in my league, just not my type. But definitely a beautiful woman. Possibly better looking than I at that time.

Certain_Process_7657 · 2025-04-29T00:00:43+00:00

I've approached thousands of women and can count on one hand how many approached me. Faint memories but yeah I guess they were in my ballpark

Logos1789 · 2025-04-28T23:46:50+00:00

They usually aren’t women I would prefer to date or have sex with.

I think it makes sense that women who generally aren’t preferred by the men they desire resort to approaching men.

This dynamic is probably a significant contributing factor in most women’s perception that men don’t like it when women approach them.

It’s usually not that we don’t like it, but the women who resort to that tend not to be our preferred options for dating and sex.

IHATEPOWERMODS · 2025-04-29T02:32:39+00:00

I've been approached four times. None of them were women.

wtknight · 2025-04-29T03:16:09+00:00

No, I've been approached multiple times and the women who approached me were usually below my league. There was one woman who wasn't, but I didn't entertain her advances either because I knew that she was attempting to cheat on her boyfriend and I didn't want any part of that.

Superannuated_punk · 2025-04-29T10:13:36+00:00

I've been approached by women I was attracted to and women I wasn't.

Leagues are kinda bullshit.

SurroundWide447 · 2025-04-28T23:56:09+00:00

I was in the pickup community for a while, so I can answer. (For reference, I was never fully on board with everything they say but I did like the ability to approach women and "control" the amount or quality of the women in my life. Had a lot of success in college ;) and some success at bars/clubs recently as I've gotten older but focused on other things right now).

I think for women approaching, if you mean approaching me as in they do the pickup stuff... that is never EVER going to happen regularly unless you're literally just a Greek god and there's alcohol involved.

Women's version of "approaching" needs to be taken into consideration here. Their version is just making it as easy as possible for YOU to approach. They'll get next to you a lot, give you a lot of eye contact, make the interaction VERY easy once you do start talking, have a friend introduce you, be very touchy from the get go.

In that sense, it varies, given this is all complicated human interaction to begin with. Sometimes it's women I'm not attracted to and other times it's women that are attractive. It just depends. League is all in the mind, the real world doesn't work that way lol

nonquitt · 2025-04-29T00:00:24+00:00

Not for a relationship but for being handed sex on a platter yes. Happens to me a lot tbh. It’s because I’m very approachable and gregarious so people take it as an invitation. And honestly yes for a relationship too — I have high standards in certain ways and so I say no, but I could plausibly marry some of the women that have come onto me and people would not balk.

Alwaysnthered · 2025-04-29T02:47:41+00:00

here's where I need to put my ego aside.

my gut instinct is no - I'm a very fit in shape guy who has only ever gotten approached by overweight/fat women.

but then I realized, after reading all othe comments about how most men have been approached my women above their looks like - makes me realize that maybe that is my league.

why? I'm a very fit guy, but I have a meh face and average height with a generally undesirable race.

but maybe that is the same league as an overweight/obese women.

-Gaia- · 2025-04-29T00:00:18+00:00

I've been approached 3 times (as a teenager, in my 20s I got approached 0 times lol peaked early). I'd say two of them were in my league, one of them no (way below).

HammieFondler · 2025-04-29T01:01:28+00:00

Happened once, she was out of my league

HTML_Novice · 2025-04-29T03:03:23+00:00

I’ve been approached in the classic method “hey I think you’re cute” etc etc. a couple times. Mostly in college, or at a club. And no they were typically 2/10 3/10 or at max 4.5/10?

Mick427 · 2025-04-29T03:19:08+00:00

Been approached a few times, they've been a variety - below, in my league and above my league.

Below my league when I was single, in and above my league when I was married.

According-Tea-3014 · 2025-04-28T23:44:11+00:00

Does it count if it o ly happened in high school? Lmao

Acceptable-Truck3803 · 2025-04-29T00:39:04+00:00

By all means I’m no one’s “God’s gift on earth” however this is my experience.

Some were drastically above my league. Some were in my perceived league. Some are below. Some are drastically below.

There isn’t a one size fits all here, however usually from a typical man’s perspective from ugly duckling to “HOT” goes the following:

No attention -> obese women -> overweight women /women with kids -> women with kids/ single women who are average -> average /above average -> IG model hot.

Some approached somewhat in classes, common after school activities/social clubs (think bar league volleyball/bowling/tennis), some from friends of friends, some via social media but where in the same class(es), some at the gym I constantly frequented, and so on

You never know but you won’t get paired up or have a shot at anything if you sit on the couch doom scrolling social media while Netflix is playing eating junk food complaining on PPD I am a loser because I’m not 6 feet tall or am obsessed with penis size.

BlueMountainDace · 2025-04-29T00:28:57+00:00

I've been approached a handful of times. Mostly the ladies were similar to me in looks. Twice they were women I didn't find attractive. Once, my wife, was way more attractive than I was.

aspiring-math-PHD · 2025-04-29T00:57:22+00:00

Guilty-Marzipan1058 · 2025-04-29T04:13:05+00:00

I’ve been approached quite a bit (+10 times). I was almost always out of their league. I know this because not only was I not attracted to them, I had different guys (and some women) tell me the same. There were one or two that were attractive but were very sexual very early on and that weirded me out

Experiencing my own discomfort to these unattractive women approaching as well as others reactions made me more self conscious about making women uncomfortable by approaching them. I do agree with you though, I think women are generally better at social cues/timing the approach

Kreeps_United · 2025-04-29T04:16:17+00:00

So people really think of others as in their league or not? I just initially think of women as attractive or not and then cool or not.

jonascf · 2025-04-29T11:25:49+00:00

I'd say they were mostly out of my league.

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2025-04-28T23:59:53+00:00

I've been approached four times total three by women and once by a gay man. I'm not gay, but he was still nice and bought me a drink. As for the women, I would say yes, had I been in a place where I wanted to date, they all were in my league. However, I'm happy were I'm at so I said I wasn't looking for a relationship. One girl sat next to me ans said she liked my beard. And we had a nice conversation. The next was two women that asked if I would by them a drink. (To which I immediately rejected). And the third was just a random woman who gave me her number and walked away. I did not call her.

AntonioSLodico · 2025-04-29T03:39:52+00:00

I don't really believe in leagues, but there have been women who approached me who I thought were waaaaay hotter than me, and one or two who I thought were significantly less attractive than me.

BrianMcTill · 2025-04-29T00:09:03+00:00

For the context I am a 40yo ugly virgin guy not willing to play in his league. Short answer no. Cold approach only happened a few times in my whole life. 1 very ugly girl in high school (love letter), few ugly women in luxury dance clubs. Reason I say "luxury" because they may have thought I had money... Well I had but probably not as much as they may have thought :). Eg. 1 slapped my ass and smiled, other started grinding herself to me from behind when I turned she smiled. I did not care.

There was an other woman I met online on an old school forum (I was 24 at that time). The forum was about virgin people talking, she sent a mail to me about an IRL forum meetup (this was in a small European country, easy to meet), we ended up chatting. She messaged me every single evening for years, we talked for hours. I am not proud of this but I was using her for some kind of mental trash can. Reason I am telling all this because the amount of shit she allowed me to throw at her is just insane. Again not proud of this. She was begging me for months to meet, eventually we met a few times and she was def. throwing herself at me... Lots of respect to her for all that but she was way below my league. She was ~15 years older than me, single mom, 2 kids, she was just a kindergarten teacher so less educated than me, financially way below me (I am a software engineer making good money), lookswise we are talking about a very chubby 40yo woman, so you know...

There were other girls but they were not doing cold approaches, they were in the same friend group I was with. Yet I am mentioning them because I did not initiate they just either misunderstood my "interest" or themselves kind of showed I could/should do more, they were I'd say in my league.

DoinIt989 · 2025-04-29T03:59:01+00:00

Some of them were, but the "average" is slightly below. A key factor with the girls who were in my league or near it that approached me, is that they often gave me "psycho" vibes.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2025-04-28T23:46:48+00:00

I have a few times. I can think of 2 notable examples, both of which were girls that I hooked up with, but would not have taken on a date.

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power2378 · 2025-04-29T02:21:28+00:00

I got asked out once when I was a freshman in high-school and yeah I would say she was in my league.

KamuiObito · 2025-04-29T03:26:47+00:00

I’ve been approached a couple times at a club…girls are a lot weirder. She started playing in my hair and pulling me..like mam unhand me..I pulled away so fast. Cuz who tf are YOU!!. That’s the bad ending.

I’ve been approached at a club by 2 bi women..and we danced got their numbers and yea..first threesome at 20 years old. That’s the good ending.

The rest were just me getting numbers I basically forgot about because I was too drunk

A girl on a bike said I had a nice shirt.

Thats about it. I meet my actual exes by proximity mainly through family..like a cousins best friend or a cousins friend cousin.. yea..

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-04-29T03:56:49+00:00

Mixed bag. Probably about half yes, half not.

Also, I'm a mutt with some Asian features, which used to get me a ton of "What are you?" approaches from Asian women which were unilaterally terrible. Besides the fact I'm not attracted to Asian features, instant ick, so that weighed into it as well.

I also strongly dislike the term "league" and in response to another poster here this past week, coined the term "socioaesthetic peer", so I'm going to use that. In my case, that would be a woman who studied at or was studying at a 4-year college or university in the US, grew up middle to upper middle class, drank socially but not to excess, was social enough to go to bars and do some extroverted things, was fit and either played team or individual sports at some point through at least high school, but introverted enough to also enjoy a night in, and enjoyed nature, music, and liked to laugh/could make me laugh.

Granted, some of those approaches took place in college, which helped bump the ratio up, but IMO that still counts.

I will say that someone being in my "league" (or my socioaesthetic peer) wasn't an automatic in. I still had to be attracted. I remember this one girl had a huge crush on me in middle school, and I considered her a friend (parents were friends). She just had a huge forehead, and my 12-13 year old self just couldn't see past that. She wasn't bad looking in the aggregate, I just wasn't attracted...and she didn't really care for sports or athletics. Very academic minded. She went on to work in politics. In hindsight, it wouldn't have been a match. Just one example, but you get the idea.

OMWSpuds · 2025-04-29T04:20:39+00:00

I've been approached and propositioned by women well out of my league. Honestly don't know what the explanation is. Maybe it's because I make people feel comfortable and also feel free to be themselves, and women do like that. Or they were going through a bad breakup and found me refreshing (at least a couple cases of this). Or maybe I fit a niche of theirs like skinny neurotic emo boy. Who knows but I'm thankful I was given the opportunity(s) even if I fucked things up.

Emotional_Meal748 · 2025-04-29T04:37:31+00:00

Are we taking about cold approach or any approach? Like being pursued for example?

DelDivision · 2025-04-29T05:01:18+00:00

Looks wise 5 out of 7 times yeah. It's just the situations most of the time were weird. Either she had a boyfriend i knew or was cool with or she was drunk to the point it made me uncomfortable. But the rare one that made sense it was great.

nsfwthrowaway6996 · 2025-04-29T05:44:10+00:00

Actually it's been a mixed bag of same level, lower and higher. If I really think about it, it's slightly more for the lower level. But just barely, like only one or two for the lower side. But the way I gauge someone on level isn't directly related to physical attraction. If I can pickup on them being lazy, bad hygiene or poor character then they are on a lower level.

In my experience, a decent amount of women do the subtle side of approaching. It's like they want you to know it's ok to approach them or ask them out. I'm going to be real honest, I've totally been that internet meme. Sometimes the subtle approach can cross the line to direct. Like crashing her shopping cart into me and striking up a conversation or sitting in my lap at work.

"they probably are better about not approaching in inappropriate situations at least." This seems mostly accurate in my experience. They're have been two experiences that I would say the location and the circumstances were inappropriate. One was work with cameras and the other was at a gym when canceling first took off.

preferablyno · 2025-04-29T06:44:11+00:00

Mixed bag, honestly just all over the place. I go out more than most and have approached and been approached so many times over the years, a lot of it does sort of blend together. I would say most were in my league but truly- how can I answer that objectively? I’m probably unintentionally framing the whole idea of “my league” through those experiences

AsturaeConiecto · 2025-04-29T06:54:40+00:00

I was never directly approached. But some girls signaled interest in indirect ways, which to me counts as female approaching.

They were all far less attractive than the girls I could seduce by approaching myself. I'd not say they were more my league, but rather that they resembled me the most, almost like they were me but female.

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-04-29T06:58:02+00:00

None of the women that approach me for short term sexual relationships are in my league and that is perfectly reasonable. It's also somewhat preferable for me, i'd say. ONS are mainly for ego pushing anyway and having a woman absolutely obsessed with me does more of that, than having to deal with a half-interested woman in my league or above. Ideally, the "hotter than me"-women would be totally obsessed with me... but let's be realistic.

Don't be concerned with age or location. Women can survive being approached anywhere by anyone, if you keep it friendly, non-threatening and respectful, and take a rejection lightly and with ease. There are no inappropriate situations to say hi to someone.

AreOut · 2025-04-29T09:07:42+00:00

League for what? For sex sure because when I was younger and had plenty of free time I didn't mind as long as it was a woman, for LTR absolutely not.

Gravel_Roads · 2025-04-29T10:22:28+00:00

I don’t put humans in “leagues”. I’m bi, so I’ve had both men and women express interest in me, and the ones that I didn’t date was generally due to individual incompatibility.

Overarching_Chaos · 2025-04-29T10:42:01+00:00

No, the women who approach tend to be on the lower end of the looks scale in my experience. Attractive women don't have to approach, they get approached all the time.

suspicious_cabbage · 2025-04-29T11:52:13+00:00

I got approached by a girl in college who was out of my league, and my self-esteem issues caused me to fumble it super hard. Thankfully I learned from it and got better

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-04-29T13:26:12+00:00

The women who approached (the few times it happened) were all three. From super hot, to not my type at all, to about what I normally chased

They were usually a bit more forward than passive, tho and I could see how some guys might not know how to react to that

Desperate_Coat_5244 · 2025-04-29T13:49:41+00:00

Wtf is a league here?

I’ve been approached by absolutely stunning women, cute ones, beautiful ones, ordinary ones but all of them were confident, fun and interesting even if wasn’t into them.

platinirisms · 2025-04-29T13:51:47+00:00

No. I’m a healthy fit man who takes care of his health, have a successful career, and financially secure.

Out of the 3 women who’ve approached me, one was a drug addict high on cocaine and the other two were morbidly obese.

2025-04-29T16:31:42+00:00

Some were some weren’t. The issue is women feel none of the shame for having a meltdown that their feelings were unrequited.

If any of my guy friends behaved the way these women behaved when I turned them down, they’d potentially be in trouble with the law and 100% not my friend anymore.

Trancetastic16 · 2025-04-29T17:28:49+00:00

I’ve been approached by a few teenaged girls since I was a teen.

One was Caucasian, slim and average-looking, the other three were mixed race like myself and slim when I was slim or somewhat muscular at the time and also within my league.

Ego73 · 2025-04-29T18:23:02+00:00

The one into me atm is slightly above my league, but her standards are low from hitting the wall early due to not wanting congenital disorders from a geriatic pregnancy, meaning her time is running out.

Gotta say, if that was her concern, maybe she should've learnt to screen out the autism genes. Either way, my standards are quite high and I don't want children, so it's not happening.

harmonica2 · 2025-04-29T21:12:45+00:00

my current gf approached me but I feel she may be a little above my league.

thisaccountaintrea1 · 2025-04-29T21:29:57+00:00

A mixture. A few were so attractive that I thought it must be a prank. The majority were average to decent looking. The rest fell into the "thanks, but no thanks" category.

MistaCreepz · 2025-04-30T18:29:49+00:00

The only relationships I've ever had were initiated by the ladies and both of them were in my "league" I guess, they were both part of my friends group at the time.

NotMuchLonger765 · 2025-05-01T08:05:17+00:00

She was more attractive than me. I’m not a very good looking guy. I was in line for lunch with some coworkers and she came up and complimented me and this was the first time I’d spoken to a woman that wasn’t my mom or like a waitress since I graduated high school years prior. I didn’t know how to react and thanked her and went back to ordering food. One of my coworkers actually tried to get her number for me but she was in like some kind of open relationship and there with a really wimpy weird looking guy who like her boyfriend or something. All of my coworkers thought I was hot shit with women after that but that was the only time I’ve spoken to a woman since highschool.

OldPyjama · 2025-05-02T08:23:51+00:00

It happened a few times. Every time I thought she was out of my league.

James_M_Croft · 2025-05-12T21:52:43+00:00

Nope, mostly 2 points below, if not more.

I mean, it is mostly elderly and obese women who even bother at this point.

Women hate approaching because she will NEVER approach a man her level, so all she gonna get are rejections.

abaxeron · 2025-04-29T01:06:01+00:00

For men who have been approached at least once in their life: Do you think the women who approached you were in your league?

They were single, I wasn't. So I guess No, they were below my league.

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2025-04-29T01:23:03+00:00

They were usually below, not because of bad genes, but because of bad habits (fat), but that wasn't always the case.

I guess my now wife kind of approached me, since she invited me to her house to hang out; I thought it was just a friendly visit until she started removing my blackheads, which prompted me to ask her if she did that to all her male friends. She said no, only her ex-boyfriend and her brother.

I think I also remember her doing that so that she'd have an excuse to press her boobs against me, but I figured it was an accidental part of the zit removal task.

AtomicMonkeyTheFirst · 2025-04-29T04:56:38+00:00

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

I have noticed as rule that when women approach men they tend to go for guys out of their leagues though.

Lightinthebottle7 · 2025-04-29T22:41:37+00:00

Obligatory there are no leagues, it is nonsense.

I was approached by all kinds of different women. All I can say are my answers

Some highlights include(in no particular order:

a vile bully in school (ew)

a furry at a [not furry] convention (expressing this to my then girlfriend who she thought was just my friend)

a girl who had the biggest naturals I've ever seen but was like...not smart...very not smart(no)

a bipolar tomboy (should have said no)

A fit woman in her 30's when I worked as a cashier, who expressed...certain carnal desires towards me (I had no game, never managed to further it)

a girl who collapsed at a party and I took care of her (cute, but I was taken)

girl who stole my phone and placed...suggestive "anime" stickers on it, then gave it back to me, with an invitation to drink together (I was already taken)

exchange student who after a few days upon arriving completely soberly proclaimed to THE ENTIRE CLASS that she wants to be with me, adding that if she could choose any guy from class to have sex with, she would choose me (politely rejected)

another when I was an exchange student who wanted to step on me during PE class and said that she wants to/asked if I wanted to have sex (politely rejected)

There were some others, but they were less interesting.

No, I'm not tall, I'm at best a little bit over avarage (+-1-2cm) No, I'm not especially "handsome" or especially muscular(though I'm not without it) and I'm most certainly overweight(actually an advantage). I was a for a long time a neckbearded nerd and class outsider. Yes, I swear to whatever holds enough significance to you to matter, that these are all real. I know how they sound.

As to why I said no in nearly all cases: (either one or combination of these reasons) 1) I'm demi (and) I'm not attracted to most people. Not my type, no emotional connection etc.

2) I was an insecure teen in many of these cases. I couldn't do anything with this forwardness or outright suspected that it is some kind of prank to humiliate me (no evidence of that to any of the ones I mentioned, as far as I gathered, they were all genuine)

3) a fear that any partner will be targeted. I was a bullied kid. If someone saw me and a girl talking in high school for example, they behaved foul to her or loudly yelled "look, he is trying to get a girlfriend". I was ready to fight for myself and I know what I was like, but I didn't wanted to have innocents suffer for it.

4) I felt like I wasn't emotionally ready for such a commitment.

Title	For men who have been approached at least once in their life: Do you think the women who approached you were in your league?
Author	sodacubes
Upvotes	23
Comments	136
Date	April 28, 2025 11:41 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1kaa2hw/for_men_who_have_been_approached_at_least_once_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/for-men-who-have-been-approached-at-least-once-in.1550896 https://theredarchive.com/post/1550896

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