Is it true, in your opinion, that many/a lot of guys aren’t good at sex? I keep hearing this sentiment. Why would this be true?

Novadina · 2025-06-18T23:36:35+00:00

For me this has been true. It is absolutely not about dick size, it’s more about whether the man even cares to try or not and actually wants to learn and pay attention, as well as having some creativity for things to try. Sometimes it might just be a lack of practice and they will get better. And I think this is not just men, btw, from what men have told me I kind of think lots of girls are also not great at sex. People from cultures that have a lot of repression also seem to have problems as they are scared to say what they like or try new things.

I think any man could learn to be good in bed. A lot of men just don’t even touch the clit at all, or pay zero attention to the response they get (so if I say “ow” they just keep going or even say “my last gf loved this, let me keep doing it you will start to like it”), or don’t ask what I like or ignore what I say I like. Sometimes guys with big dicks will think that alone is enough, or not care that it hurts me to put it all the way in since it feels better for them all the way in. And sometimes guys have argued with me about what I like, especially if something they do has worked with their ex, they just can’t believe I don’t like the same things.

The best men in bed have been the ones who paid close attention to my responses and kept doing what felt good and stopped what felt bad, gave a lot of attention to my clit, and were very creative with fun things to try resulting in me learning things I liked that I didn’t even know about. Also being very sexually open to at least try things in general. There’s also just some sexual compatibility that comes in to play, so if they happen to really like the same things I really like, or a high number of shared things, then we can do those things we both enjoy and then both really like it. If both people like positions and activities the other doesn’t then it can be harder to have such good sex compared to more compatible people, and it’s no one’s fault.

Trikger · 2025-06-19T03:59:39+00:00

In my experience, yes, it's true. Many/most guys are simply not good at sex.

What determines the quality isn't things like size or body-count, but one's ability to listen and adapt.

Most guys I've slept with aren't actually interested in going out of their way to make a woman feel good. They believe their penis is a gift and that it's more than enough to make a woman cum within a handful of minutes. My ex once told me I was entitled for asking him to stimulate my clit. He "educated" me on how I shouldn't want such things because "clitoral stimulation is just foreplay" and "women don't actually care about their pleasure."

Safe to say, he was miserable at sex. When it comes to pleasuring a woman, many men believe that they know better than the women themselves. They don't want to take the time exploring their partner and instead believe that they already know everything about how to get them off.

A woman's pleasure is also often seen as optional. To many men, sex starts when their penis enters the vagina and stops when they ejaculate. They flop down and expect the woman to clean up his mess while he blissfully catches his breath. When the woman joins him again, to make it seem like he cares, he rolls over and asks if she came. Upon hearing no, he might even ask her if she wants to.

When men treat your pleasure like an afterthought or an option, they're not going to be considered good at sex. With sex, a good rule of thumb is "ladies first" because most women can't get off from penetration, and most men aren't actually in the mood to satisfy a woman after they already came.

ThatBitchA · 2025-06-19T00:26:29+00:00

It's never about dick size.

It's about having sex with someone else. Not to someone else.

The worst lovers are the ones who think sex happens to women.

grasso86 · 2025-06-19T00:54:19+00:00

Part of it may be partner compatibility because people like different things when it comes to that. And while theres probably some that are naturally talented at it, for most people its probably a learning curve. Some people are just naturally really good at reading others and human connections in general and that can play a big part in sex and romance. Others of us are not so gifted so we have to learn lol.

GridReXX · 2025-06-18T23:32:36+00:00

I honestly think how the person being penetrated vs how the penetrator experiences sexual intercourse is always going to be different. And I think more penetrators than penetrated will have the attitude that “sex is like pizza, even when it’s bad it’s good.”

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2025-06-19T01:40:32+00:00

I am going to be a little bit graphic: most women require someone to either finger them or go down on them in order to cum. Once you get off the first time, it’s easier to cum from PIV.

A lot of guys think it’s too much work to finger or go down on a woman.

klaire_bear_ · 2025-06-19T20:14:31+00:00

Yes. To put it simply...yes. MOST of you are bad at sex, and I wish women would stop faking it because it isn't constructive to trying to improve.

I once told a man I was in a relationship what I liked and he was butt hurt and acted like a fucking child in a huff. He didnt improve or try to make it better for me. In hindsight he probably didnt care...

A big portion of men think sex starts with penetration and ends with their own ejaculation. Of course thats going to be bad.

RelativeYak7 · 2025-06-18T23:37:06+00:00

Yes it is true and being selfish is the main cause. I'd also add: thinking every woman cums like your ex, ignoring simple requests/direction, being intimidated by vibrators added to the action.

Traditional_Lab1192 · 2025-06-19T00:37:28+00:00

This has been true for me unfortunately. Its not about dick size unless its too big. Some guys are just too quick and/or they don’t know how to thrust properly. They cum fast and then that’s it. Then there are the ones who just stick it in and barely thrust at all.

Some are also just selfish lovers.

Lazy_DreadHead · 2025-06-19T02:24:22+00:00

Yes. Most guys aren’t good in bed. Roughly 18% of the men I’ve been with has made me cum and or I was sexually satisfied with. Most of the time the guys who aren’t good in bed just don’t last long enough, too long of a refractory period, they’re not into foreplay, and or are just thinking of themselves in that moment. With women I cum 100% of the time and with men it’s that 18%. And the fact I have been with a guy that had a micropenis (to where his thumb was bigger) size plays a role but only when it’s extreme to where there’s nothing there.

CatallaxyRanch · 2025-06-19T02:58:01+00:00

Not at all true in my experience.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-06-18T23:43:03+00:00

Because selfishness and laziness are common human vices

Especially when you don’t care

Business-Stretch2208 · 2025-06-19T04:58:40+00:00

The main reason men suck in bed is because they don't care or try. It isn't hard to be an attentive, good lover if you listen to what a woman wants and pay attention. Dick size usually doesn't matter very much unless it's too big since most of women's orgasms come from non penetrative sex

OpenupmyeagerEyes0 · 2025-06-20T07:48:31+00:00

dick size definitely doesn’t matter. i’ve been with two partners so far, and the one that was better was actually smaller. but he was better because he had a good rhythm, listened to me, and focused on trying to make me feel good before himself.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2025-06-19T05:35:09+00:00

You can't be good or bad in sex. It's not universal skill, it's about compatibility. And attraction. If you can't even make me feel raw desire of course I can't enjoy it. But if I love him it's guaranteed to be enjoyable.

S0yslut · 2025-06-19T01:23:30+00:00

Depends on age. Older guys know better than younger ones..

They’re responsive when I tell them what I want and curious about what I like, but do they instinctively know what I need? No, they instinctually know how to get themselves off though.

Yokowi · 2025-06-19T02:31:22+00:00

Came here just to watch men argue with women's opinion as always, because god forbid every woman has different preference/opinion/experience - rather than the hivemind of that one girl who hurt this specific man in 2nd grade. 😊😊

AutoModerator · 2025-06-18T23:22:02+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

RecognitionSoft9973 · 2025-06-20T04:22:37+00:00

Lots of them don’t know how to bring a woman to orgasm. Assuming they do care and put the effort in, it just may not be enough or… they end up giving her a bacterial infection via fingering. If I think about myself, I am of the belief that my first time with a man will be terrible… he probably won’t last very long and I won’t be able to get off during the act. I’ve done a lot of thinking about this and I feel there’s a good chance it goes this way unless I secure some kind of sex god (even then, I’m not so sure). I’m of the assumption that men are selfish in bed—not just to satisfy themselves physically but mentally too. What I mean is, they assume all women get off the way women in porn do. Rough fingering, weird PIV techniques, breast biting and so on. They may assume they’re doing what the woman wants when not involving their dicks in the act. Of course, women need to step up and clearly state when they don’t want something to be done to them. Not sure how easy getting that out is, but it has to be done.

Miss_Acassia-9374 · 2025-06-22T20:48:04+00:00

Yes, I knew you did by the exclamation mark. Thank you for posting it in plain words for the masses.

SoggyCorgi7311 · 2025-07-02T08:47:10+00:00

For me, this has been true, and the answer is simple: sex doesn't end with the male orgasm 🤷🏼‍♀️

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-06-19T02:09:04+00:00

usually its either refusal to engage in foreplay or when you get on the clinch something is just off, or he jackhammer for 20 minutes

ImAchickenHawk · 2025-06-19T02:22:51+00:00

Yes. Especially guys who are well-endowed.

Title	Is it true, in your opinion, that many/a lot of guys aren’t good at sex? I keep hearing this sentiment. Why would this be true?
Author	NoRefrigerator267
Upvotes	66
Comments	252
Date	June 18, 2025 11:22 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1levs03/is_it_true_in_your_opinion_that_manya_lot_of_guys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-it-true-in-your-opinion-that-manya-lot-of-guys.1554891 https://theredarchive.com/post/1554891

Comments