A lot of men on here underrate the importance of personality

Gold_Sheepherder6569 · 2025-07-07T03:57:40+00:00

but that physical attraction isn't going to keep her there for you alone long term,

It actually would like straight up, the studies say it would. Like I am not saying you should have poor character but beyond striving toward honour and uprightness, you can't change your personality much unless you pretend to be someone you are not.

ImpossibleCandy794 · 2025-07-07T04:45:50+00:00

While it is important, there is a big problem, a lot of personality comes from managing to learn how to interact and the best (and sometimes only) way to do so is by interacting with people, in the case of romance, romantically.

If you are ugly or undesirable in some way, you have way less chances to learn and way higher chances to have negative interactions. A guy that only ever gets bad interactions, like getting mocked by their appearance needs to border on delusional not to have it influence their self image.

Is way easier to be confident about yourself If you have proof that you are desired. Once you have it, develop game and find out what you need to change on yourself by seeing what doesnt work like everyone else with a sucessfull love life did. If you cant test it, well, unless your personality really sucks you wont know what you need to improve. Being confident and emanting confidence are worlds apart after all.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2025-07-07T03:55:56+00:00

I totally disagree. Most men on here who complain about dating, have issues even getting dates. Working on their personalities will not help them if they don't meet a basic attractiveness level.

Any-Basis-3725 · 2025-07-07T07:37:38+00:00

Men have to go through four general requirement criteria to be qualified for the dating world.

Be physically attractive to the person they are attracted to.
Don’t be physically unattractive to the person they are attracted to.
If they're physically attractive enough to the person they are attracted to, then their personality might start to matter.
If none of that works, being rich can compensate.

That’s the harsh version. But if a man is in his early 20s, they should focus on building confidence, fitness, financial stability, career, social skills, and being seen. Dating is frustrating for most men in their 20s, though it gets better the more value they build over time.

Logos1789 · 2025-07-07T02:20:54+00:00

There’s literally a term for what you described, it’s like “work hot” or something.

It gained popularity on social media from women warning others not to fall for it.

If you need to take advantage of nearly every psychological method available to get a woman interested in you, then you’re building a castle made of sand.

You shouldn’t need the exposure effect, being one of few men around her age who she interacts with on a near daily basis, to get your foot in the door.

BrianMcTill · 2025-07-07T02:27:12+00:00

Do you think eg. a guy with looks from 3.0 row can attract top tier women with this so called personality (assuming he is not rich of course)?

fuchsiaeuRIor4683 · 2025-07-07T11:38:14+00:00

This is basically looks get you in. But if you can't get in who cares about personality?

petellapain · 2025-07-07T13:22:04+00:00

Stiff socially awkward wierdo who wears my little pony shirts and likes Andrew Tate will effortlessly slay if he's 6'6 with an athlete body and chiseled features. An average guy with a perfect personality will get starfish love while his girl daydreams about the first guy. Personality cultivation nets diminishing returns in 2025. Not worth it

throwawaytradesman2 · 2025-07-07T02:44:40+00:00

Can people really work on and improve their personality? I have yet to see that.

Re-Clue2401 · 2025-07-07T02:59:07+00:00

I overestimated personality for the longest. If you're extremely attractive, you don't need much of one.

midnight_blue77 · 2025-07-07T06:44:22+00:00

My personality is not the reason I have a girlfriend, so...

AmbitiousAd7767 · 2025-07-07T11:06:50+00:00

Many average guys don't even get a chance for a date, so they don't ever get a chance to show their personality.

And since they never get a chance, they never get to train their dating skills and they don't learn how to talk to women, approach women or flirt with women. So they come off as shy and awkward around women.

Akitten · 2025-07-07T07:02:42+00:00

Personality doesn't matter if you never get a chance to showcase it.

With dating apps being the common way of getting a first date today, and swipe rates being what they are, unless you are at the top 5% of looks, you aren't even getting a right swipe to get to showcase your personality.

If women are only swiping right on 5% of men, than 95% of men never get the chance to showcase their personality on the most accessible and common first date generator there is.

Boring-Dinner1728 · 2025-07-07T07:52:11+00:00

If personality were important, every women would be a femcel.

In all seriousness, personality is only sort of important if you care about actually wifing up some cow whose milk you really like. It means fuck all for NSA sex, which is the kind of sex men actually want.

throwaway73737828 · 2025-07-07T06:48:02+00:00

Nah you don’t need a good personality at all. If you are attractive your personality doesnt matter. And even if it mattered women dont like dudes who are nice. It dont work for attraction infact the opposite work. They stay with abusive dudes who treat them like thrash bags. I guess most women like to get abused I would never know, they complain all the time about their abusive bfs, and when you ask them why dont you leave, they stay silent or give a bs excuse. So no, personality doesnt matter, however how socially awkward or confident you are matters.

SeemedGood · 2025-07-07T05:00:46+00:00

If a woman isn’t getting all up in your grill to learn about your personality (while simultaneously creating her fantasy about it in her head), you’re playing from behind.

WebNew9978 · 2025-07-07T05:45:14+00:00

Not really. Most if not all men know that having a personality does indeed matter. However we also know that looks has, was and will always be more of a determining factor over personality with this. Plus it seems like women will give a break to someone who might be somewhat socially awkward but very good looking. Those same breaks don’t exist for an ugly but good personality guy.

ConstipatedAvocado · 2025-07-07T06:53:20+00:00

No.

Maybe if you're a gen Xer, but definitely not as a millennial and even less so as a gen Zer. I honestly think personality is overrated. People on here talk about personality but its really a sad as fuck cope.

What amuses me is seeing people claim that they worked out or "looksmaxxed" and still dont get any play. Problem most of the people who make these comments are deeply socially maladjusted in the way most people are not. And those people shouldnt be on a debate sub, they should be in therapy. Someone here said they started improving their looks but would still crash out on dates because they would show up drunk to avoid having panic attacks. This isnt most people. Most normal people dont have crippling forms of anxiety to the point that they cant hold at least basic conversation with the opposite sex. For those people, improving their looks would be critical.

Its funny because my wife has two brothers. An older and younger one. The younger one just started a relationship with a stunning girl who also has a great personality (amusing how many on here seem to think those things are mutually exclusive) but he got her by going on a journey of self improvement, fixing his wardrobe and working out consistently to get in shape. The older one, has been dating a girl whose the very definition of mid and now, after nearly 9 years together, is questioning the whole thing probably because of how much he sees the younger one thriving in what appears to be a better relationship. The younger sat there and literally said how important his glow up was to securing a decent looking partner. When I see younger dudes pretend its not important I literally pity them. I just cant imagine how in a world with shit like Tinder and Instagram, you can ever think you can have access to even a moderately attractive women without investing in your appearance.

Don't be a stiff socially awkward weirdo with women still just because you look good, be relaxed, be open minded, learn to have some fun, make her laugh, your looks may get you in the door, but if there's nothing of substance behind it, you won't hold onto her for very long.

LOL this is cope bullshit. I'm gonna let u in a little secret. Despite what the desperate loser males on here claim, the okcupid data they love to cite actually shows the response rates on OLD are actually highest for attractive men messaging mid women. This idea that there are a bunch of unattractive men doing better than boring chads is laughable shit peddled by female redditors because they often dont have access to those Chads. Contrary to popular belief its not attractive women who are at the top of the dating pile, its attractive men and your mind would be blown by how fucking vacuous and uninteresting the average fitness model/athlete/rich guy actually is.

Putrid-Storage-9827 · 2025-07-07T02:12:48+00:00

I agree - plus even for the blackpill people, the truth is that personality and perseverance are likely somewhat hereditary as well. Meaning that if you push through and become successful (and this isn't just a dating thing, but an everything thing) despite some serious flaws, this isn't necessarily a case of you defying your "genetically determined" fate - being a winner may have happily been in you all along, just the full expression delayed. You may in fact not "become" a winner or worse "pretend to be a winner", but show off the winner you always really were.

InkAddict718 · 2025-07-07T02:15:30+00:00

They say personality to not appear shallow. Women are attracted to dominance, not personality

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-07-07T10:06:41+00:00

Isn’t game, dread, amused mastery, etc referenced in here quite a bit?

ComprehensivePipe448 · 2025-07-07T15:44:09+00:00

Ur confusing the effects of something else with “having a good personality “ they are studies that show ur more likely to be attracted to someone ur constantly around , whether or not they personality is good is not why , e.g a coworker would be the best example of this That’s why being social and all that may seem like it’s their personality making them more attractive but all it is is low inhibition , and just constantly being Around others , and studies show that misogynistic personalities are more likely to have higher body counts so those that here that do believes in the importance of personality belive that being a bad guy is actually more Attractive (I don’t agree with that personally)

OtPayOkerSmay · 2025-07-07T17:40:58+00:00

I'd have to disagree. Women judge men based on various characteristics and accomplishments, and all of these things tend to have a higher priority than the guy's personality. That is to say, if you can meet a woman's high priority wants; she will probably give your sub-stellar personality a pass.

leosandlattes · 2025-07-07T02:16:06+00:00

I do not think they under estimate it. I think they know that these personality traits help attract women, but they don’t know how to develop them.

Also if you believe personality is also a part of genetics, then it also means main parts of personality cannot be changed.

The other thing too is that “nice” is not the personality trait that gets coochie. I mean, women look for “nice” as it is a necessary trait for relationships, but it’s not sexually attractive. The personality traits needed to inspire arousal in women are different from just being relaxed and open minded.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-07-07T03:20:27+00:00

Not if they don’t care about a woman’s personality

And many men admit to such

They’ll take anything, so why won’t women ?

AutoModerator · 2025-07-07T02:07:59+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2025-07-07T02:07:59+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Mad_Mundy · 2025-07-07T02:26:47+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Former_Range_1730 · 2025-07-07T02:40:11+00:00

They sure do. Which is why so many men would be quick to date a woman like Jojo Siwa even after her past behaviors.

bjwindow2thesoul · 2025-07-07T10:58:21+00:00

A lot of men on here have mindsets that would be a dealbreaker for many women in relationships. Fully subscribing to any pill is believing wholeheartedly in a generalisation on a whole gender. I see so many arguments here going "women think this" "most men do this". In real life, if youre not able to have more nuanced opinions, that will be a dealbreaker for some

Things like vowing to never marry because youre afraid of divorce means not trusting that youve picked a significant other that wont be one of the divorce horror stories you read online. These are beliefs that could make or break your relationship

And sometimes when the redpill takes a blackpill turn, you get a very negative victim-mindset. Pessimism, bitterness and victim mindset is quite easy to spot and is very unattractive. We have rules against this on the subreddit which helps a lot to avoid this derailing a debate

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2025-07-07T12:07:28+00:00

[permanently deleted]

abaxeron · 2025-07-07T12:32:33+00:00

https://np.reddit.com/user/abaxeron/comments/1ib9lnc/the_bad_boy_tingles/

The link between success with women and personality exists. And it's backwards.

a have a few mates who've said that they weren't all that convinced interested in guys at first, but once they got to know them a little bit more their personality almost amplified their looks to them, in a "Wow I never noticed until now" sort of way, plus they say the longer the time you spend around someone the more potential to become attracted to them there is.

Unless "a few mates" are gay men, "I wasn't attracted to my husband at first" mentality is a massive red flag, and all their husbands should order paternity tests.

MC-Purp · 2025-07-07T15:32:15+00:00

I agree that personality is important, and can turn a maybe into a yes. But the issue as I see it, is that a lot of men don’t want that. They want to be the attractive one, that gets a one night stand. They want to be the hot guy that gets away with toxic bullshit.

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2025-07-07T17:53:14+00:00

Absolutely this is true for men and women. Looks attract but personality keeps.

Also some of the guys here listen to women complaining about their dating struggles online they hear that these women go on dates but ghost or dip and then complain about it.

But that means these men crossed the looks threshold but had a personality so lacking she ditched before finishing her free meal or cup of coffee.

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-07-07T19:18:44+00:00

Not everyone can change who they are in order to have a desirable personality, especially considering the restrictive nature of women’s attraction to it.

catdog8020 · 2025-07-07T20:41:24+00:00

Yea I wonder if most of the women on tic toc that claim men are emotionally unavailable or have bad personalities are not your average Joe.

In my opinion, I believe that these men or chads they are referring to don’t have to be emotionally intelligent or have a good personality because they are good looking and don’t have to rely on personality like average men do.

Then, many alpha widowers go on tic toc or social media and say men are not emotionally intelligent when in reality they are talking about the chad they used for hook-up sex and then generalized that experience to all men.

Therefore, it’s cap but I will say it’s helpful to have some charisma but chad doesn’t need it lol 😝

Anti_Thing · 2025-07-07T21:20:56+00:00

Because I have NVLD (basically like autism), I'm naturally a stiff, socially awkward weirdo. No matter how hard I've tried over the years, I simply don't have the natural ability to make women laugh that most normal men seem to have. What am I supposed to do?

Melodic_Structure928 · 2025-07-08T00:08:22+00:00

I think alot of bpers overate the value of personality.

purpletreesh · 2025-07-08T04:30:34+00:00

While I mostly agree, it is worth mentioning that the halo effect (physical attractiveness bias) can influence a positive perception of one's personality, thus making it easier to retain attraction.

RealScientist2215 · 2025-07-08T05:59:00+00:00

Personality doesn’t matter that’s the takeaways from when they released data from the dating app. It wasn’t based on what women say they want it based on what women actually choose, and they choose only the most attractive men.

JoshyJay95 · 2025-07-08T06:13:36+00:00

I wonder why?

No way you can't be this ignorant in life? Actually, given the way society is going, I'd say yes now.

I know lots of guys with amazing personalities, but look wise, they are average looking.

I know lots of guys with dirt personalities, narcissism, high ego, lack of empathy... etc. But they are good-looking.

Want to guess who gets the most attention from girls?

Lying to ourselves to avoid confronting reality, does not change reality.

torytho · 2025-07-08T06:44:23+00:00

Regardless, she’s not settling. And she’s happy with her choices. And I think everyone can feel that way in a relationship.

Substantial_Video560 · 2025-07-08T07:30:39+00:00

Many men have lovely personalities but are still always single?

PopeGenghisVI · 2025-07-08T09:50:27+00:00

If she gets in a serious relationship with you and then leaves you, it's her personality and your personality.

It's not necessarily a flaw. It could be a flaw in both, a flaw in her or a flaw in you.

It happens. Sometimes, people change, whether it's out of necessity or out of their own free choice. Normally, it's something inbetween.

Alternative_Cod2280 · 2025-07-08T15:15:52+00:00

Because it means fuck all or whatever the fuck you want at an instant T. People say they care about it but none of them can define it beyond "being nice or interesting" but anybody can do that(given enough time).

So yeah I don't see why I should care that much about something completely subjective and random, it might just call it luck at this point.

jjjjsnsldlmxns · 2025-07-11T10:47:08+00:00

Physical appearance (looks) matters greatly to most women. You don’t have to be a male model, but in general, if she finds you ugly or you’re not at all her type, she won’t be excited to date you or aroused by you.

Provision (money) matters greatly to most women. You don’t have to be extremely wealthy, but in general, if you don’t have a decent paying job and you live with your folks or in an apartment in your late 30s, she won’t want to be with you long-term. She might look past it at first (especially if you’re in your 20s) but eventually, being a bum for a long enough period of time period and she’ll leave.

Character & personality matter greatly to most women. You don’t have to be the most likeable and charming person in the room, but if you’re boring, weak-willed, and/or annoying, she’ll lose interest eventually.

All of this is simple, don’t overcomplicate it. Women want men that they find handsome, can provide sufficiently for their needs, and are fun to be around.

Warm_Ad_8272 · 2025-07-11T15:12:09+00:00

Can we please stop pretending that a great personality is something you can pick off trees? It takes a lot of work, a lot for socialising and most people don't want anything to do with you if you don't have a passable one as an entry requirement.

Least_Contest3913 · 2025-07-13T15:50:15+00:00

How does personality matter if women refuse to interact with you?

As a 4ft2 man I know many men who have never been worth even a chance. Personality, their life, those things have yet to matter once to a woman.

If women cared about personality they would talk to men first before judging them

LimbBisquet · 2025-07-07T10:28:23+00:00

The problem is how men define personality. They think personality means they are pleasant, can talk about The Office and they haven’t abused any children or animals and that this is what is desirable.

The reality is that personality is much more than that. And it’s all internal, really. A desirable personality is valuing yourself, respecting yourself and not letting others disrespect you. Having a sense of humor and being honest and playful. Being all serious and sincere is not personality.

SherbertDense1415 · 2025-07-07T02:51:50+00:00

Ya blackpill dudes are mostly retards lost in internet bubbles.

Anyone actually out on the scene, going out to fun places, going to meatmarket clubs, anywhere where people meet people, can see that above average looks guys fail all the time due to being boring passive, beta ect.

Talking about personality is BS though because the vast majority of men cannot change their personalities. So it doesn't matter, your personality is what it is. Deal with it.

Head_Improvement_703 · 2025-07-07T03:47:20+00:00

yes. a long time ago on a subreddit, a lot of men accepted and stated that women would suffer disproportionately more than men due to having an unconventional appearance, because men could easily receive appraisal and validation for various other things, (such as pursuing a career, being smart, rich, etc.) one of the most important aspects of a man are being funny and humourous. A BUNCH of men that are “unattractive” based on the societal standard, still get in relationships, (platonic and romantic) by having a charming persona and being very confident + holding charisma.

I’m not saying that being unattractive doesn’t matter, sadly it does. but having a personality brings any man up a few notches

YooHoobud · 2025-07-07T11:02:54+00:00

Honestly, the reason most men struggle with this is due to patriarchy. If we were more supportive of each other, it would be easier to develop personalities that were attractive to women- since we would support women by extension.

You often have to look to avenues that aren't male centric to develop those skills.

Calm-Lab-8592 · 2025-07-08T16:32:15+00:00

Most of these men have an unlikeable and undesirable personality so it’s no secret they undervalue it when they can’t even grasp it themselves

JadeGrapes · 2025-07-07T02:59:03+00:00

Those guys are telling on themselves

Title	A lot of men on here underrate the importance of personality
Author	Mad_Mundy
Upvotes	8
Comments	186
Date	July 7, 2025 2:07 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ltiffi/a_lot_of_men_on_here_underrate_the_importance_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/a-lot-of-men-on-here-underrate-the-importance-of.1556498 https://theredarchive.com/post/1556498

Comments