How many months before giving up

GoldCanvas · 2026-02-18T08:50:52+00:00

Never begged. If you have the urge to, pack your bag, leave and never look back. Hire a lawyer and that’s it. Go where you are appreciated, leave where you are not. Immediately. Hang in there, you got this.

Sunblog-is-cracked · 2026-02-17T03:02:16+00:00

Not one fucking day brother. Never let someone disrespect you by trying to control you through holding your marriage hostage. Divorce her ass now because you don’t have to wait like she does.

gobby94 · 2026-02-17T00:34:27+00:00

48hrs. My situation was a little different, though. She kept skirting around the words separation/divorce until finally told her “it sounds like you want to separate”. 24hrs spent trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. Then I read her texts / messages and realized there was a lot more going on than I had been aware of.

After that it still really sucked, and still does. I’m not even 6 months in but I’ve settled everything from a legal / financial POV.

Together 14yrs if that makes any difference.

First-Sail8421 · 2026-02-16T22:24:54+00:00

never begged her to stay after she told me she wanted to divorce, but leading up to it tried 2 years to get the marriage back on track - without success

Character-Change-507 · 2026-02-16T14:37:17+00:00

Took my dumbass about 1.5 years to accept that our relationship was over

metal_head787 · 2026-02-16T11:27:54+00:00

I have given up on her 100% in the last week, still living together, it’s been 3 months, I discovered the other guy in the first 2 weeks of her saying she wanted separation. It’s the weirdest thing, we had an argument about the house valuation (she’s been trying to low ball me, estate agents confirmed my estimate) and she lied to my face so blatantly that it hit me she’s been gaslighting me since the beginning of all this, I suddenly looked at her differently, it confused me at first but slowly clicked that she’s not who I thought she was for the last 25 years 😳 and I don’t love her like I used to.

It’s upsetting but has also given me an element of peace, only slightly but it feels like a positive step towards healing 🤞🤞🤞

The down side is that it’s made living with her harder in a different way

Wonderful-Act-996 · 2026-02-16T10:48:21+00:00

Lot of angry fellas here that have been clearly wronged by their ex. However it’s not always that black and white.

Content-Class1259 · 2026-02-16T10:09:36+00:00

Took me 12 odd months. Time very much wasted

JumpyApricot80 · 2026-02-16T08:17:50+00:00

I made up my mind at about 5months. What really helped me make my mind up was when I found out about the other guy at the 2 month mark. I stopped begging after that.

midlife-madness · 2026-02-16T06:04:55+00:00

The woman you’re meant for is not going to need to be begged and pleaded for. She’ll want you for you. It’s better on the other side. Focus on yourself, your healing, your growth. Exercise, eat right. Hang out with friends and family, get therapy. Get into a regular mens group focused on doing men’s work. Just keep on keeping on.

The best years are ahead!

KendhammerJ · 2026-02-16T02:44:51+00:00

Once a woman decides its over there is nothing you can do. Begging her to stay is going to make her even less attracted to you. Only thing you can do is focus on how you can improve yourself and figure out what kind of life you want to live going forward. I know it's tough brotha, but there isn't much else that can be done

MenuDiscombobulated5 · 2026-02-16T02:34:14+00:00

Don't. Just don't. Get out now. I spent several years thinking that if I could make changes in my life she would change. The issue was hers, not mine. She had emotional regulation & anger issues, and was not trustworthy. I was already a good dad, involved with the family, supportive of her, helped around the house, was kind to her, a good provider. If you're already doing that stuff & that's not good enough for her, get out now. I learned some valuable things, but it was not at all worth the time & emotional toll.

TheMindfulWarrior9 · 2026-02-16T02:07:39+00:00

Hey, I think we need to cut you a little slack. It’s totally understandable wanting to fight for your marriage. I mean literally the way it’s been described is like going through heroin withdrawal so of course you’re gonna be miserable and try to do anything to get that fix and life back.

Comparison can sometimes be a good thing and sometimes a bad thing so you can take my story with a grain of salt for me. I probably pleaded off and on maybe four or five times for the first two months after that I stopped because I realized there was nothing I could do at least I know that I did everything to try to save my marriage so I have no regrets.

Accomplished-Bet-883 · 2026-02-15T23:35:11+00:00

About a month. Blindsided as I was and knowing the health problems she'd had immediately before ghosting me, I was convinced she'd come to and realize how badly she'd fucked up.

No joy on that front.

A couple years on and I find myself glad that the squirrels in her head are no longer my problem.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2026-02-15T23:24:28+00:00

How many months in did you stop begging or pleading to your wife to stay married to you?

six months of asking for counseling/to work it out. All that time I was being bled dry financially.

I love her, I sincerely do.

this will be used against you.

Minimum_Step5048 · 2026-02-15T23:23:48+00:00

I never begged. I asked her at least half a dozen times to go to therapy with me and she made excuses and refused. Dead bedroom for 5 years, she wouldn’t do anything about it. I cheated on her and she caught me and that was that.

I never wanted to leave her and never wanted to cheat. You can’t treat people that way and expect anything else, but so many women seem to do that

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2026-02-15T22:35:03+00:00

None. Please let her go my man. Do it for you, not her. We don’t care about her.

You need to accept that you have to do life now as a single guy. But guess what?? This means life is going to get a lot better from here.

This doesn’t have to be fast, you can take your time, but you will make it through this to the other side and this is a gift.

Good luck!

thesolodad26 · 2026-02-15T22:22:39+00:00

I did it for as long as it took for me to realise Al I was doing was giving her all the power in what remained of the relationship. Then I started working on me.

IcyMycologist4837 · 2026-02-15T22:22:07+00:00

Just asked once, is this really what you want? She had filed at that point I asked so I never asked again nor ever begged. If you are begging it actually makes her more sure than ever to dump you. You convinced her she deserves better.

ExtraLettuce555 · 2026-02-15T21:37:41+00:00

Over the course of a month I tried 3 times. I composed my thoughts, tried different angles. All just to convince her to TRY to work on things. After the third time with zero from her, that was it. I’m still broken, but I think there’s a point at which begging becomes unattractive in a basic instinct sort of way. In house separation sounds like a nightmare. Only space can make things start to hurt less.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-02-15T20:47:38+00:00

I cohabited for almost 2 years. Worst time of my life.
She wanted 'space' and needed to find herself after 25 years married.
Wish I did not waste my time with reconciliation.

NigelBraxton · 2026-02-15T20:16:16+00:00

Ah. I was with my ex for 10yrs, married 3 of those years and she left, moved in with her mother and then told me why. I had a drinking problem which I had already acknowledged and was in therapy for along with mental health issues due to abandonment.

She did the worst thing for me and the best for her which hurt.

She told me she was no longer in love with me even before I proposed but she did it to make me happy and that broke me. She couldn’t even tell me she wanted a divorce. Her mother did. Which pissed me off and from that point I let her go and she completely moved out of our home, we filed the divorce and I sold my portion of the home to her mother and moved out.

My life has taken not so great turns ever since. I’m now jobless, homeless and without a car all for the first time in my life and I honestly don’t know what to do.

I commented to let you know that I appreciate you for sharing your experience and vulnerability. I felt safe doing so here. I’ve been feeling so alone and unseen for 2years. Don’t know how much longer I can hold on to be honest.

No-Sink-9601 · 2026-02-15T20:10:50+00:00

My stbxw cheated on me a ton. Not once have I begged her. 😁

Intrepid-Scarcity486 · 2026-02-15T20:05:13+00:00

You’re begging and pleading??? Well don’t do that ever bro…. I gave up after 2 days probably. Closest I got was moving on and meaning it. This just caused her to be more “confused” and led to a 6 months limbo before I told her to get out of my house. 6 months in the house, broken up, finding out all the ways she betrayed me while having sex weekly and falling back more in love with her then ever. It was so hard to realize if she won’t choose me I can’t accept half in half out.

It was not easy watching the person I wanted to marry take her boxes to her car and drive away time after time until it was gone and I told her that’s it enjoy living at your parents….

Last 2 weeks have been exhausting but I finally have no more stress…. There’s no more clutter, no more drama, the house is cleaner, things feel stable, I’m built for this.

Be strong.

Grouchy_Land895 · 2026-02-15T19:12:13+00:00

It’s over, friend. I really hate seeing my fellow men pleading and begging to their STBXW to stay married. Why would you want that? She doesn’t love you anymore. It’s hard to hear but you gotta move on. She doesn’t deserve you.

warwww · 2026-02-15T19:00:38+00:00

I didn’t even let the word divorce leave her mouth. I gave up immediately.

You don’t have to tell me you want a divorce twice. Granted I had a head start as I saw the writing on the wall in terms of the marriage being a failure as we had her mother living with us who glorified divorce having been divorced herself.

I think more men need to develop radical acceptance.

Yes it hurt for a few weeks as I had to envision a life for our kids that involved a fractured environment, strange men around them who would never care about them the same… list goes on.

Never give someone multiple opportunities to give up on not just you but your family.

If they envision the grass being greener on the other side, buy them a hose as a parting present and help them leave your life post haste.

It’s no different than having a hostile witness testify in your defense.

Ok-Anything-3605 · 2026-02-15T18:34:58+00:00

I feel your pain, I’m in the same boat but just let go. I never got an answer to why. All I do is worry about of kids now. One thing that helped is having a person to communicate with instead. For example I was with our kids and my some did something cute. I would usually text my wife, but now instead text my oldest sister just to share it with someone. My wife doesn’t deserve the kids when I have them, sad but i have to gray rock her no matter what

KingJon85 · 2026-02-15T18:04:21+00:00

My ex immediately moved on and has a boyfriend. As bad as I'd like to work it out, I just don't see how. I already had trust issues from other things she did in the past.

She would never put in the work to gain my trust back. Some days my mind is moving on and others it is fantasizing about her running back to me. I would never ask again though. I tried to get her back immediately after she left, then like a month later I wrote her a couple of long emails. I just got grey rocked. So I gave up.

I have just remained silent aside from kid business. I keep my responses short and often times just one word responses.

She has started to come off as more kind since starting this but that doesn't mean anything. My daughter still tells me she is planning on moving 140 miles away to the city where her boyfriend lives.

Sometimes I pray for a miracle but deep inside of me I know that if we got back together, I would turn bitter over the months and we would just end up back here. There is no taking back what she has done.

I hate her for ripping my family apart. Unfortunately I still love her as well.

Maleficent_Grab3354 · 2026-02-15T17:53:20+00:00

Begging and pleading?? Who would actually admit to something so “simpy” ? Dude, do you really expect any woman to respect a man who is begging?
Grow a set dude.

OldGuyNewTrix · 2026-02-15T17:03:51+00:00

It’s been 1.6 years since separation, 2 months since final divorce. 3 kids under 11, and I still beg like a pathetic asshole. She up and just said it was over one day, while never showing any signs of being unhappy the previous 12-24 months. Monthly dates, getaways 3-4x a year without the kids…. Then just over. She said she fell out of love awhile ago and was ‘pretending’ or telling me things that weren’t necessarily true just to keep pretending until she just decided to end it.

I wish the disrespect there was enough for me to walk away, or how she’s pushed me into a no one to her, other than father of her kids. Blocked on every platform just to put me through more pain. She had thousands of pictures of our family on FB I’ll never see again, but yet I still plead.

I lost my forever love, 50% of times with my babies, and her family who was the only family I felt part of for 17 years. All just gone, in an instant. The trauma has me stuck, and I’m having trouble rebuilding, though I should despise her for her behavior - Idk why I can’t. Therapy hasn’t helped. Meds haven’t helped. Reading grief books. Nothing.

I don’t think there’s a right answer for everyone. We all have different stories, come from different walks of life, childhood.

I wish you the best, and hopefully your pleading to stay works quick, but I hope it doesn’t last you as long as it has me.

ItsHowItisNow2 · 2026-02-15T16:13:53+00:00

Not a millisecond.

fewdo · 2026-02-15T16:05:40+00:00

There was just a day when I realized that she didn't Want to understand me. It wasn't that I was being unclear or honest or open. She had no interest in understanding my side of things. There was literally nothing I could say or do that would matter at all. Grey rock got far easier after that.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2026-02-15T15:52:23+00:00

Never beg.

Maseworld · 2026-02-15T15:43:34+00:00

Her minds made up. Once you accept that you can begin to move on. You give her all the power by asking her to stay. She's already gone, bro.

leonredhorse · 2026-02-15T15:42:11+00:00

I didn’t beg or plead.

My wife and I never really fought about money or serious issues. We have two young kids. She said she felt like we were roommates more than a couple. Not sure I could argue. She told me a year ago she wasn’t happy. I tried to listen to what she highlighted and work on anything. Thought we were making progress but she still said she was unhappy. So a couple months ago I asked if she wanted a divorce and she said yes. Honestly, I was relieved. I still hate the idea, but I spent a year fighting for us and being actively marginalized by her in every way. I’m done feeling like shit in my own house.

Still sucks. Hate that our family is breaking up. Hate what that means for the kids. Wife is having an affair too, but she doesn’t know I know.

JayRock1970 · 2026-02-15T15:41:56+00:00

Mine just left one day after asking me for ethical non-manogamy. 6 weeks after our honeymoon. I begged for her to come back, but she just told me not to contact her. Ghosted me for 3 months then texted me that she couldn't be married to me anymore. A marriage that she pushed for so she could feel safe in our relationship.

I tried periodically for 4 months. Then the switch flipped and I began the process of separation/ divorce.

DuckIcy6297 · 2026-02-15T15:36:03+00:00

It’s almost like she’s telling you what she wants and you don’t listen. That’s part of the problem.

UnknownUsername113 · 2026-02-15T15:33:54+00:00

Begging or pleading just makes things worse. Stop now. Work on yourself.

I’m curious why she can’t divorce you prior to 12/15?

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-02-15T15:30:11+00:00

Give up now.

Mourn, grieve. If you can manage to not be in same physical space definitely do that

DarthDad25 · 2026-02-15T15:28:52+00:00

Stop trying to convince her to do X, Y, or Z. Trying to convince her to do the exact opposite of what she (thinks) she wants isn’t going to change her mind. Using logic to reason with an emotional problem and an emotional person is never going to work.

Love her enough to let her go. Respect yourself enough to not chase someone who doesn’t choose you.

Got_any_lemonade · 2026-02-15T15:26:17+00:00

1 month. Then I accepted that there is no going back. The first 6 months were hell mentally. I am still not well but it is better now

Reasonable-Glass-965 · 2026-02-15T15:24:47+00:00

There is no going back. A woman who’s decided they don’t love you is determined. They have thought about it for years before telling you.

waggers5 · 2026-02-15T15:24:27+00:00

We were together for 26 years and it's month 3 for me now. The temptation to beg her to change her mind is still there but I'm able to overcome it now.

In my case I've realised my STBEW had actually checked out of our marriage years ago and any efforts to fix things were halfhearted at best from her side, while I remained wholehearted and kept trying to give her what she wanted. While painful to accept, that realisation - that nothing I did made it worse and nothing I could have done would have made it better because, perhaps unconsciously, her mind was already made up - has been really helpful.

RespectInevitable479 · 2026-02-15T15:23:35+00:00

If you have to beg…

Tvelt17 · 2026-02-15T15:12:59+00:00

I tried to get her to go to counseling or talk to me about it at least for probably about 2 months off and on. After that, I helped her pack.

If the answer is no, tell her she's gotta figure out how to move out. She wanted the divorce, its only fair if she moves out. You tried.

Edit: I'm going to add

Actually being part of the process of her moving really was sort of helpful to me. It was sad at first, but I even helped her look at apartments and gave my opinion on where the kids would stay when they were with her, etc... after I paid her out the equity in our house and she was able to buy her own house I was actually really happy when the movers came to get the rest of her stuff that was still at my house that didn't fit in her apartment. That was just a couple weeks shy of 2 years from the day she asked for a divorce.

idkwhyimaloser37 · 2026-02-15T15:10:41+00:00

I served her paperwork. Before that I tried for 1.5 years to date me. 10 months to respect me and a few months after I got so tired of it. I planned my way out and mediation is next month. It’s not worth the fights. Just better yourself and work on yourself. Give her what she wants immediately with haste and eagerness. She’ll find it suspicious and may want to turn the other way around. Some women just want to see if you’d fight. Once you’re willing to walk away and drop the glass of water that you’ve been holding up for so long ( Google glass of water analogy) they’ll begin to see their mistake.

familymanlikesfamily · 2026-02-15T14:58:53+00:00

Never begged.

Tried talking about our problems when she became cold and she would say im trying to manipulate her. Unfortunately, she was also getting terrible advice painting a fantasy and how her life would be so much better.

She told everyone she was going thru a divorce before she actually told me. And when she did I said OK.

We lived in the same home for a few months before she ultimately left. That time was very difficult and I felt so much lighter the moment she finally moved out.

You will too. Its going to be confusing for you during this phase (being in between husband, room mate, and future enemies).

Drag0n_N3rd · 2026-02-15T14:55:19+00:00

It took me about 2 months to give up and accept it was over. I've kind of become calloused and hard-hearted towards her since. I acknowledge that its my fault that she is done. But she still won't see from my perspective as to why things happened the way they did. Only hers. I've started to realize two things: 1) I was going through burnout and became complacent and stopped "fighting for the marriage" while still in the marriage, and 2) her toxic, narcissistic traits (which may be partially because of her ADHD) that lead to me becoming burned out and complacent. Red flags were there from the beginning, and I ignored them because I was young and inexperienced. We were together 14 years, best friends for 10 years before that, married 11 of those 14 years, and have now been separated for 3 months.

serkovavantgarden · 2026-02-15T14:52:27+00:00

Co habitation is a bitch man

Remember the days when you split up from a woman, you likely never seen them again.

That was fun

Now it’s sitting in the next room while you can hear your stbx is on the phone to her new man.

Absolute torture.

However, that shock soon turns to anger which starts to fuel the separation process….

She’s gone mate. Everytime you beg, it confirms to her why she’s divorcing you.

You’re pathetic in here eyes

We all were

Get angry bro.

That’s when you’ll start to take control

painfulletdown · 2026-02-15T14:44:37+00:00

Never begged or pleaded, but she did often and i dont think that is good for anyone. You should value yourself and not want to be with others who are not interested. A relationship cant really work unless the partners bring each other mutual joy. Lastly, Louis CK said "No good marriage ever ended in divorce", so i hhink there's problems you are having trouble being objective about.

jamdiz · 2026-02-15T14:42:28+00:00

i think the last three years of my marriage were spent begging for things to improve until it finally collapsed. there was a quiet mutual understanding that it was over and i’ve been the one acting on it. leave her proximity and move on with dignity my dude.

Substantial-Run3367 · 2026-02-15T14:38:26+00:00

Go get a lawyer and a therapist and then go to the gym. The sooner you let go the sooner you get your life back.

Magma86 · 2026-02-15T14:38:00+00:00

Google “Walk away Wife”. Will completely explain what’s happening

Title	How many months before giving up
Author	850MEGT
Upvotes	29
Comments	198
Date	February 15, 2026 2:32 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1r5g26e/how_many_months_before_giving_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-many-months-before-giving-up.1573537 https://theredarchive.com/post/1573537

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