As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women?

AngeAware · 2026-02-19T19:13:44+00:00

You kind of switch back and forth here between "arguing" and "disagreeing", the latter is not the same as the former.

In general at least in the culture I live in (pretty affluent American Bible Belt suburbs) both men and women try to avoid making a scene in public. I don't even know the last time I witnessed people just straight-up arguing.

Disagreements can happen of course, but it's not common here to escalate to argument unless you're dealing with very emotional or stubborn people. Or people who come from backgrounds where they aren't as concerned about image and appearances if you catch my drift.

kmb218 · 2026-02-19T19:13:42+00:00

Literally never heard this in my life. People argue and debate all the time. Where exactly are you seeing this?

Avast_Lion · 2026-02-19T19:34:56+00:00

I have never told someone say that men shouldn't argue with women, and I have only ever heard "never argue with a woman" from sexist men. It seems like you are hearing it from sexist women. Either way, it's wrong.

That said--and I don't know if this is relevant to your situation--little girls are taught that it is very rude to shout, curse, glare, and scowl at people, while little boys tend to be given more leeway in terms of physical expressions of anger. Women thus tend to find it more rude when ANYONE does these things, which I (having been raised this way myself) do not think of as inherent parts of a rational debate, no matter how heated. This is just a cultural difference that has to be navigated--a woman is more likely to think that you shouting at her/punching walls/making a scene is an act of rudeness and disrespect intended to intimidate her than another man might be. I don't know any women who shout at/crowd each other/hit things during arguments; since I was a child, girls who acted like that were socially outcast.

Lemon_gecko · 2026-02-19T19:30:52+00:00

I'm sorry but why to you disagreeing = heated argument with raised voices? I don't raise my voice ever i think. Last time i talked loudly with someone was when i had a fight with my parents as a teen.

You should ask yourself why do you need to yell to argue, and do you actually think it's productive in any way and brings you closer to any resolution?

pie-mart · 2026-02-19T19:30:20+00:00

I guess you are allowed to have discussions. But no one should be regularly arguing with people

icypiee · 2026-02-19T19:58:30+00:00

Any adult that resorts to yelling or emotional arguing with raised voices is immature as hell.

That behavior is so embarrassing no matter if a man or woman does it. The only difference is people will see a woman doing it as less ‘intimidating’ because women are perceived as the weaker sex.

rosephase · 2026-02-19T19:05:12+00:00

If you can’t have a calm conversation about disagreeing points of view, then just skip it.

Raising your voice is scary and immature. If you can’t control your emotional reactions like an adult, then don’t expect people to stick around and get yelled at.

It’s infantilizing (to yourself) to expect adults to hold space for an adult man like they would for a child throwing a fit.

Deescalation and emotional regulation are adult skills. I’m not going to get into complex disagreements with someone without adult skills to handle that conflict.

HowDareThey1970 · 2026-02-19T20:56:58+00:00

Argue with which women, in what contexts?

General statements like "always" or "never" or anything seeming to refer to men or women without and specificity about whom, are usually useless.

Confident_Counter471 · 2026-02-19T21:44:32+00:00

Raising your voice and yelling is unacceptable full stop. Arguing is fine. But you shouldn’t yell at each other. If you do it means you have deeper problems to work on. Probably as a couple and individually

ChadChasingBReturns · 2026-02-19T22:14:47+00:00

Men disagree with me daily and that’s normal. People raising their voices to talk over others is not. People yelling because they can’t emotionally regulate themselves are people l will not speak to in the future.

Tylikcat · 2026-02-19T21:11:48+00:00

I've only heard that rule from men. I've usually taken it as having the subtext "never listen to a woman".

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2026-02-19T22:26:17+00:00

I've had men/boys argue with me since I was old enough to argue, dunno where you got the idea that you can't argue with us.

Competitive_Swan_130 · 2026-02-19T21:17:20+00:00

You are arguing with women now in the comments. The question you should be asking is, asking your doctor if Abilify is right for you because there are some issues going on if you made this post unironically

AutoModerator · 2026-02-19T18:58:43+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2026-02-19T21:58:29+00:00

I hear things like “never argue with a woman” or “Going back and forth with a women is_____”

Are women telling you this?

voices might get raised

Maybe this is why. If you can’t have a debate or disagreement without raising your voice, why would someone want to debate you?

If I argue with a woman

What are you arguing about?

Routine-Present-3676 · 2026-02-19T23:09:14+00:00

Are other men telling you this or what?

You should always be free to disagree. I think when you hit argument territory, it’s time for both people to take a break though.

DMmeClownPics · 2026-02-20T04:34:37+00:00

I have always taken this to be more tongue in cheek than something that’s supposed to be taken seriously. Engaging in arguments isn’t a great idea within any relationship though. People just get defensive and things escalate and feelings get hurt. It’s better to use “I” statements and focus on finding mutually agreeable solutions.

Ronniebbb · 2026-02-20T05:50:01+00:00

I feel like the never argue with a woman thing is just tongue in cheek. Argue with women, it's totally fine. Argue with men. Argue with anyone.

Heck there are ppl out there who argue for fun and sport. They're fun to watch

jorts-enthusiast · 2026-02-19T20:44:45+00:00

Where are you hearing this? Who are you hearing this from?

Maybe it’s because we are in a debate sub, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone say that outside of this very post.

I do think maybe there’s certain things that you shouldn’t argue with us about, like period pain, or maybe some very women-specific issues like that, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone seriously say this.

Flightlessbirbz · 2026-02-20T09:51:56+00:00

I can’t say I’ve ever heard anything like this from anyone under 60. Sounds like some “happy wife happy life” boomer humor shit, where wives are characterized as demanding harpies and husbands as bumbling fools who are better off just saying “yes dear” and humoring them because “she’s always right even when she’s not.” This type of thinking is mutually sexist and rather outdated.

I see very little reason for raised voices though, regardless of if the people arguing are of the same or opposite sex.

Atara117 · 2026-02-20T12:10:22+00:00

The only time I've heard someone saying "don't argue with a woman" is when they're being dismissive of the woman or misogynistic. The connotation behind it was that the woman will continue arguing her supposedly "illogical" point until you as a man are just exhausted and drained. I've never once heard it used in defense of a woman or in a positive way towards her. Maybe that's something older generations did because they thought it was respectful...? IDK.

It's fine to argue with anyone of any sex/gender. However, if you find yourself compelled to argue with someone because of their sex/gender, that would be a "you" problem. Before you speak, ask yourself if you would still disagree or feel the urge to argue if a man was making the same point.

Edited to add that people are assuming you're talking about yourself because you've literally said above your edit that a lot of the time, women are the ones telling you this. So you've been told not to argue with women based on that. I'd also like to add that I've heard it said as a joke like never argue with your wife cause she's always right. That sort of thing.

SnooMarzipans8221 · 2026-02-20T13:14:16+00:00

Argue with anyone 🤟 just be ethical about it.

ComplexAttitude4Lyfe · 2026-02-24T17:41:59+00:00

What confuses me is this idea that you’re not supposed to argue with women. I hear things like “never argue with a woman” or “Going back and forth with a women is_____”

I don't think this is a question for women. It's a question for those (men OR women) who see women as children.

Itscatpicstime · 2026-02-20T21:14:22+00:00

I have quite literally only heard men say this as a way to mock, demean, etc women, so take it up with your brethren

TheMedsPeds · 2026-02-21T00:41:51+00:00

Funny that I am saying this because of the topic, but I don’t speak for all woman here, so I am not saying “what women really mean is what I am about to say.” But when I’m saying represents me and I safe saying that there has to be SOME other women who would agree.

Sounds to me like that is what you are saying though is a dislike of the: X are the in group and Y are the marginalized therefor X people should not speak over Y when they are talking about marginalization” you just chose to focus on men/women, but it comes up in race with white/POC, and sexuality with straight/LGBT too.

And I think I know where and why that thinking got popularized. The short version? It’s the bastardized misinterpretation of one statement that spread like wildfire on social media which isn’t filled with PHD sociology students and no one can keep them in check. But the actual academic’s original statement was simply “X can’t argue with a Y’s lived experiences of experiencing bigotry.”

Lots of shit originates as one thing, but over time morphs into something else. That’s a very common phenomenon when human beings communicate with one another. I know it isn’t quite the same thing because these are words that’s definition is changing but the way it happens is similar. But “pick me’s” and “simps” had more rigid definitions at one point.

But as “being the victim” became a way to collect social currency in leftist circles. The not-so-smart ones would try to find new ways to play the “how dare you, I am a victim!” card and dodge having to actually back their arguments altogether. So “disgree about their lived experience” just kinda dropped off all of it except the word “disagree”

So if you don’t happen to subscribe to the modern version of dogmatic leftist pop-psyche and socioligy, you might agree with me and say: of course you don’t need to be directly involved with something or be a part of it to understand it, care about it, have an opinion on it, etc. And honestly, when it doesn’t affect you, sometimes there are moments where that can be beneficial. Not being emotionally invested in something means you are more likely to be “cold and calculated” because you are removed enough from it, that arguments are more likely to remained totally solid and free from biased. Like I might be taken more seriously if I were to debate someone on student loan forgovnesss when others find out my parents paid for my college. I am in support of this because of my arguments and the benifits it has on society, instead of me having student loans and wanting help, so I work backwards in finding logical justifications.

So I am not a fan of the men should never argue with women about feminism.

Now men telling me what I have expierienced as a woman “isnt accurate is annoying”

For example if a man says that it is “if a woman is walking alone at night and the mere site of a man or a group of men walking nearby causes her to grab her pepper spray and “keep an eye on him/them”, she’s being crazy paranoid. Maybe she watches too much Lifetime, true crime and follows too many man hating feminists online or something. Because while bad men, well bad PEOPLE, out there exist, and do those things, duh, the chances of the dude behind you being a dude that wants to snatch you up, then rape and murder you, a completely random stranger, is so much lower than him being just some guy trying to get from A to be B that acting that way means you’ve lost touch with reality.

Which, sure, there aren’t a TON of Ted Bundy’s running around. You’re right chances are it is just some dude. But if you were a woman who exits her house more than once a year, you’ve most likely 99% at some point have had to deal with a dude be creepy. If you’re lucky, it’s just a single cat call. But some keep at it for awhile, and having a person that is clearly larger than you and can over power you follow you around not respecting your lack of interest, that can get scary. Of course certain factors might increase or decrease the chances of it happening to you. But it ain’t just hot, young, women “dressed like sluts” i had been homeless, not showered in days and some guys would still say some creepy shit to me at a gas station I’d go pee at.

And if I Chuck were to respond that she has had several creepy dudes follow her and all it takes to get murdered is one.

No_Project_4738 · 2026-02-19T19:22:28+00:00

I liken the reasoning to why men aren’t supposed to hit women. You have the capacity to do more damage, it’s not a fair fight. Also, men seem like enjoy fighting. Think of how many sports involving physical aggression in some way. Whereas it’s less so with women. Typically women don’t get together and ‘roughhouse’ with each other. Men can be verbally aggressive and harsh. Women typically value cooperation. Imagine if one person got energy from arguing while one person was drained? I think this is where this statement originated. Some men can and will literally argue for hours, it seems to buoy them, lift them up. While for many women, it drains us, makes us feel bad, etc. On top of that, ‘argument’ is a very broad term and it doesn’t define how a person argues, what tactics they use, whether there are low blows, or if is a solution is found. That matters. I have no desire to argue with a harsh unfair person and many people will do unfair things. Not everyone wants to find a solution, some just want to win. You can tell when a person just wants to win or be right and that is highly unattractive.

Coastkiz · 2026-02-20T22:49:07+00:00

I mean, I think you're asking the wrong people because the only ones I've ever heard this rhetoric from are men

Title	As a man, Why am I not allowed to argue with women?
Author	RelevantEscape4535
Upvotes	20
Comments	244
Date	February 19, 2026 6:58 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1r97yop/as_a_man_why_am_i_not_allowed_to_argue_with_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/as-a-man-why-am-i-not-allowed-to-argue-with-women.1573834 https://theredarchive.com/post/1573834

Comments