Couples with unbalanced sexual histories.

TheAlmightyForge · 2020-12-02T03:06:05+00:00

A girl I went to college with told her boyfriend her n count (it was somewhere past 50 but lower than a 100) and dude went from wanting to marry her to dropping her after a year if dating.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2020-12-02T00:51:25+00:00

I used to be kind of put off by my partner's past when I was a teen, but as soon as I started to rack some numbers it was like the script flipped, and women were the ones that started to worry or being insecure about my past.

What I've learned is that women THINK they don't care, because they really don't have to worry that much.

When I was like 16-18 every woman I dated had more partners than me (never dated a virgin for example) so they didn't care about my past. I think this is default start for every relationship out there, specially when dating as a young guy is really hard. Women have it really easy when it comes to hook ups and casual sex, I think that's why most posts about sexual past come from guys.

Like, hell, I've met a lot of guys that were virgins in their late teens and even well into their thirties... Women don't go through so much dificulties, so in most relationships the woman is more experienced than the man.

But if you think women don't feel insecure or jealous of their men sexual past, you are wrong. Lots of women had hang ups over my past once I started to sleep around. Some of them couldn't fathom that I was capable of sleeping around so much, and had some really shitty outbursts because they couldn't forgive me but neither could let me go, and this leaded to a lot of anger and resentment on their part.

Same happened with my current fiance, she couldn't wrap her head about the fact I sleept around and "almost" commited to another woman. She had only two boyfriends before me, I've slept with 59 women I think (not counting hookers). We argued about the subject like for two months until I said "fuck it I'm leaving" and she came to her senses.

So I've seen women's jealousy at play and let me tell you it's a lot worse than what we read in guys posts.

Also, the most good looking and, specially, the more acomplished your ex is, the worst seems to be for them (I dated an incredibly good looking, smart girl that came from a rich family... EVERY woman that figured her Instagram went APESHIT to me over her). Saying to a girl "I dated a good looking, smart and rich girl" is the equivalent of a woman saying a guy "I dated a tall handsome guy with the biggest dick of all".

Reyeactable · 2020-12-02T00:20:27+00:00

Been there as the inexperienced part of the relationship Most often than not it creates insecurities, but as long as you can reassure your partner that you find them attractive then it shouldn't matter

Having said that I dont really want to date anyone with a lot of bodies because

They usually have really high sexual expectations, since you are not being compared to 2-3 people, you will be compared to the best and biggest she has gotten
I find they have a hard time falling completely in love, I have had relationships with 2 women with high body counts, they all ended poorly, mostly becau they seem to have a advercion to settling down

And a couple other more reasons

raviolipocketoli1836 · 2020-12-02T01:38:21+00:00

I used to be the one to actually be jealous and have some resentment towards anyone that had a slutty past.

I started dating when I was 19, a kissless virgin. Insert my first heartbreak, attachment issues, mommy issues, insecurity, and newfound ego I became a man whore and racked up 30+ bodies in two years. Wasn’t bad for a former bullied 275lb kid who lost 100+ lbs the next 5 years.

Now I am secure and actually don’t really care about a persons past so long as it doesn’t bring issues onto the present. That said, it’s probably because one day I hope someone can accept me as me and look past my slutty past. I doubt that though as I sort’ve lost faith in finding someone.

As far as OPs question, I’ve dated virgins and women who had fewer than 5 bodies. It was not so much as the difference in the past but more so the compatibility that was the deciding factor of wether or not the relationship would last, they all never went past 3 months. That and I was a pretty toxic person before so that’s my take on it.

Pretty ironic how the tables have turned.

If I can go back and only sleep with a handful of girls as opposed to 30+ I would in a heartbeat.

Bandit174 · 2020-12-01T22:53:40+00:00

I'm curious about this too. It seems like you either care or you don't, but I don't think I have ever heard of someone who was really bothered by it and was able to get over it and genuinely not care. The people who are knowingly with promiscuous partners seemingly just aren't bothered by it at all so there is nothing for them to "get over".

I fall in the late bloomer category and can't imagine not being bothered by it. Similarly the people who are not bothered can't seem to empathize with/understand the people who are bothered.

NotGoingoutofMW · 2020-12-01T22:22:54+00:00

Me at 5 and her at 17. A little bit insecure at the beginning but she craves my body so much that i deem that feeling baseless and just enjoy it and she wants to try slightly more kinkysex with me. However i don't know what she did with her past lovers.

Clay_is · 2020-12-02T07:32:27+00:00

This hits me hard . I have a fiancee who I was supposed to be marrying her . We were already engaged , I called off my wedding a week before I was supposed to get married . I found out she lied about her virginity ,she had boyfriends and multiple hookups . I was completely surprised by founding out this truth .She was conservative women and never though she could be like this . I was truthful about my virginity while she clearly lied about it . After dumping her ,she texted me saying I was insecure and called me an incel . If she was not insecure then why did she want me to marry her , she can always found a new man. Her relatives were surprised by my decision most of them tried to talk shit about me and shame me into marriage even my own family relatives force me to accept her as wife . I didn't accept their offer and I stand firmly with my decision , after they thought they couldn't change me ,some relatives didn't talk to me. It is my life , I choose who can I marry . Nobody should force men to whom they can marry.

Many people who are against slut shaming are the same people who virgin shame men . I was also virgin shamed beacuse of this as some relatives know I was virgin .then onwards I didn't care if I slut shame women . I want a virgin women and stand firmly with my decision ,if no women is out there like this then I will stay as a bachelor for rest of my life.

notthedroidurIookin4 · 2020-12-02T06:13:35+00:00

My husband has a wild sexual past and was engaged two other times before we met. I was raised in a very strict religion with the whole wait till marriage deal and had only just left that and had sex with a handful of men before him. This is probably shit advice but I feel like in a happy, healthy relationship the more time goes by the less it matters. When we first started dating he was worried I’d leave him to be a good lil church goer again, and I was intimidated by his long line of sexual partners and serious relationships. We’d talk about it, and verbally and physically reassure each other, and gained a lot of confidence the longer we showed each other how much we care :) 3.5 years later we’re in love as can be and looking for a third!

jax006 · 2020-12-01T22:18:38+00:00

As a late bloomer who has been with some slooty girls, it made me feel a bit insecure, but moreso just envious, espec with the ones who give out too many details.

Now that I've got some more XP myself and have gotten a bit older and don't really give AF it doesn't bother me much.

ivy176 · 2020-12-02T02:31:47+00:00

I'm not a late bloomer at all, I've been having sex since I was 13 but I've had a small amount of partners.

I wouldn't be with someone who had a lot of sex partners. It's not insecurity or jealousy, otherwise I'd be jealous of their exes even if they only had one or two. It's just that I need someone who's similar to me in certain ways, for relationship compatibility. We need to view sex in a similar way, be reserved with who we share our bodies with, view sex as an intimate thing you do with someone you're falling in love with or already love.

If a man can view sex as a fun hobby or a conquest then he's just not compatible with me. People will say all men are like that but they're not. Or that they would be if they could, but some have the opportunity and still don't. Luckily there are men who are reserved or who get labelled as "demisexual" which is a stupid word as people like me are not half-sexual or less sexual than people who like casual sex. But these men typically don't go shouting it from the rooftops, but there are plenty.

Ishbinburnin · 2020-12-02T00:25:53+00:00

I am like 95% sure all the chicks I've been with are more experienced than me, but I've never asked them so I don't actually know.

They were also casual/short term relationships so I didn't really care that they had more experience. If anything it's good for me as long as they're STD free

For LTR's though I would ideally want someone with the same sociosexual orientation as me.

Ask_For_Cock_Pics · 2020-12-02T02:36:23+00:00

It used to bother me when I was young and inexperienced. I would imagine the years I spend lonely and single while the girl was pounding sex gods and frying her nervous system with orgasms. But now that my count has reached three digits, I realize that the memories of those experiences mean nothing compared to a girl in front of me right here right now, and I assume its the same for a girl with a high count. True there were a few girls in my past who raised the bar in my mind of what sex needs to be, but for the most part the experiences mean no more than dreams. The question that really matters in my opinion is "how many times have you cheated?

rivetcitymayor · 2020-12-02T14:20:51+00:00

I think most women have a higher body count than most men

TheJim66 · 2020-12-01T22:16:41+00:00

I got quite a higher n than my GF and honestly it has only helped me. Adds a nice tinge of passive dread and preselection. It has never been an issue.

Men and women are different. What men find unattractive, women might find attractive and vice versa.

jayda92 · 2020-12-02T07:38:20+00:00

I was with such a 'wholesome church going guy' for about 8 months. When I was 23 and he was 27 (we're both 3 years older now). I just don't see how I ever dated such a guy!🤪 He was ALWAYS jealous, insecure, wanted to talk about other guys who fucked me and how. Whenever I see someone obsessed with 'N-count'; I think about his immature ass. He would always focus on my sexual en relationship history and made me 'explain myself'. He would feel really insecure about his dick, other guys checking me out/flirting with me, my previous experiences... He was so childlike when I look back on it! Glad I dumped him harsh; when I broke up with him I told him straight that I thought he was an immature clown. His mother even asked me and I told her too. He will never find a gf. All his relationship are short and not meaningful. Even his own 'friends' don't like him. The joke is; this guy has the best dick I've ever seen in my life, and I always use to tell him that as well. It's just such a shame that a clown like him is attached to it!

My fiancee knows I have more sexual and relationship experience than him, but he genuinely doesn't care. I can speak freely about my sexual past (which isn't even that promiscuous) and he can talk about his too. I like that level of respect and maturity very much.

WestAd3827 · 2020-12-02T12:19:20+00:00

In my 20-ies, I was a good guy and racked like 5 partners. Then I met a girl who had like 30+ bodies, but I didn't care much. I recall we had a talk when she disclosed her number and I was like 'wtf?', but that was it. I didn't feel threatened or insecure.

However, a few months later I found she cheated on me with her sugar daddy and those 30+ bodies suddenly came and hit me in my face. Shortly afterwards there was 2nd cheating (much worse!), so I downloaded her phone content and emails. Then I could see her exes and even watched one of her sex videos. I became very insecure about the ex's past and body count.

Long story short - my self-esteem was zeroed and in the next two years I racked like 40+ other girls just to numb the pain (I was trained pickup-artist). It kinda worked and I went back to senses. Eventually I droped the ex and a year after I met my wife.

My wife had very low n and we just don't talk about it. She knows I was fucking around, but she doesn't know my number. Every time something from my past is mentioned she just cuts me short and says it's unimportant.

nirougi · 2020-12-02T12:33:57+00:00

Due to being male, average looking, and kind of a lazy sperglord I remained a virgin until I was 27.

I got therapy, hit the gym, got a good career, and then started dating; fully aware that any woman I encountered was going to have at least 15 years of sexual experience over me.

But at that point, I never gave two fucks. I was happy to get any romantic affection and sexual validation I could get.

It was rough at the beginning because I just couldn't provide what women wanted in bed. Chicks were asking me all kinds of crazy shit like tying them up, choking them, rape play, burning them with candles, etc; and all I wanted was to have normal, vanilla sex so I could learn the basics. Most women would get bored pretty quickly and ghost. Anxiety induced ED didn't help either lol.

I powered through it and eventually got my first GF, which meant a steady source of sex. She was very patient with my lack of experience and I was able to learn a lot about pleasing women in bed. After a couple years she ended up monkeybranching and breaking my heart, but luckily I have no problems meeting/fucking new women now.

Cimorene86 · 2020-12-01T22:46:37+00:00

I didn't have sex until I was 24, my lover had his first at 17. So there was already the difference between having high school experiences vs having it after college.

He is 15 years older than me and I'm his 12th sex partner. He's my only one so far. It caused a lot of insecurity in me at first, but then I eventually found out I'm the kinkiest woman he's known lol. It's difficult to be insecure when I know that he had more sex partners but together we've had way more kinds of sex.

Just be the best sex partner ever and it's all good.

KurkTheMagnificent · 2020-12-02T02:29:00+00:00

As a 21M virgin, I think this is something to strongly consider in a partner. Personally I would only date a virgin who shares my ideals of "delayed gratification". I'm not going to try to "inspect" you down there or stalk your past, but I expect honesty and transparency.

No LTR will work without this. I believe that two people with vastly differing sexual pasts are not compatible on average.

aliyah_200018 · 2020-12-01T23:13:31+00:00

My boyfriend has had a long term relationship, a couple shorter 'things' and his body count is (while still average for a guy his age I'd say) significantly higher than mine.

I had only slept with 2 people before I met him, and not much at that. I had sex probably 7 or 8 times in my life before I met him. Had some things happen in my life that gave me absolutely no desire to have sex.

At first it sat in the back of my mind a little, I was really worried I wouldn't be able to satisfy him the way previous partners would have. Over the past 5 months however as our connection has grown so has our sexual chemistry, and all of those insecurities have pretty much vanished, he is very patient and reassuring which I am really grateful for.

I still occasionally feel insecure when I see photos of his 'main' ex/hear about her, as I genuinely think she is a lot more attractive than me and I know at one point he really loved her, while I have never romantically loved anyone else other than him, so if I think about it for too long it hurts a little. But I know its completely in the past and thats life and people have histories so there is absolutely no point being hung up about it. Plus its getting less and less that it pops into my mind, I really don't care tbh, he loves me and is with me and thats what I would rather put my energy into!

I think if anything he feels the need to be a little more cautious with me, he knows my very short sexual history and I think at first it was probably a little strange, maybe intimidating. I know he brought it up with his friends once and they outright told him they thought I was lying which is funny to me, because when I would talk to people before I met him, I would lie and say I had actually slept with more people as I was so embarrassed I was so inexperienced.

I guess a positive way of looking at it is that his previous partners gave him the experience he has now and is why he's so good in bed and was able to teach me how to also have good sex, so definitely not all bad when you look at it like that!

Throwawayforshitt · 2020-12-02T00:09:34+00:00

My gf has had 9 (3 relationships, 3 HS bullshit experiences and 3 college hookups) and i have had 18 (6 relationships and 12 college hookups). This is within the range of normal in terms of comparative experience. She has had enough experience to be good at sex while not having dozens, and the likelihood is still good that I'm the best sexual partner she's had, or at least one of the top 2 or 2.

My ex had only had 1 LTR before me, at the time i think i had like 12 or 13. That was a bit more awkward and she was always scared that she wouldn't be "enough" for me. But she was a good sex partner actually. She always was fun because she was so horny always because of her birth control which was weird.

Honestly I'd much rather have LTR sex than casual sex; got boring after a while. But anyways - imo relationships work best when people are in the same "general stratosphere" in terms of sex partners. At least within the same order of magnitude.

Brainless-Wonder · 2020-12-02T01:56:17+00:00

I think it depends on how they talk about it more than the actual numbers. For context, I’m a late bloomer guy and I’ve taken turns having been the more experienced one, and also very much outgunned.

To explain what I mean: I’ve dated/slept with some very, um, experienced women. The last girl I dated somewhat seriously brought up the question one day of how many people we’d respectively slept with, and her number far outweighed mine at the time (she was also older, but still). I wasn’t too shocked, but she never really brought it up again and didn’t go into details. I chalked it up to a wild streak when younger more than a sustained life choice. So no, there was no awkwardness on my part there.

The last girl I dated though, good lord...she would bring up sex with other previous men all the time, to a point where it was uncomfortable. What was very concerning was that there always seemed to be a ton of alcohol and drugs involved, she was an anxious, depressed mess, she had severe body image issues (she couldn’t even look in a mirror without wincing and hated being in photos), and she started out doing some particularly hardcore things at a very young age, which were all obvious red flags that she was doing this for the wrong reasons and had some distorted thoughts about sex. She would just go on about this for bragging rights in a weird narcissistic display, and weirdly enough often did it right after I’d told a cool story from my life completely unrelated to sex as though she was competing. I get it, women are sexual beings, but Jesus Christ I don’t want to hear about the time when you got so drunk you let two guys take advantage of you. I hate admitting it, but her stories made me feel very insecure, like I was always going to be just another notch for her - even when she’d cling to my arm and tell me how much she liked me, I always thought in the back of my mind that I’m just increasingly temporary to her and she’d be doing this and more with another guy by that day next week.

So tl;dr: N-count differences don’t really matter much to me unless there are obvious red flags (ex: present insecurities, dishonesty, mental illness, substance abuse, sketchy past).

Sufficient-Ad-3586 · 2020-12-02T04:41:43+00:00

More like a late bloomer dating a former party girl/player

As an American-born South Asian who works in a tech-adjacent field, this dynamic describes every single wedding I've attended since 2015. I'm always a friend of the groom's, and his friend contingent is always low on plus-ones.

I was wondering if there was any case where it’s something they are able to move past

From what I can tell, the guys get over it because they are grateful to have a woman in their lives who not only cares about them, but also fucks them. I imagine its more of a letdown for the recovering party girls because their spouses' formative experiences of relationships and sex ~~differ radically from their own~~ are still occurring.

trve_21e · 2020-12-02T13:28:59+00:00

Male thots carry lots of diseases with them and need to be avoided.

Sufficient-Ad-3586 · 2020-12-02T05:02:33+00:00

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LittyKitsune · 2020-12-02T06:55:50+00:00

I've only been in one unbalanced relationship for sexual experience. I'm a virgin, he was dodgy about his N. Gym rat with mommy issues who had thousands of followers on Instagram. Based on various tidbits I'm thinking his N was at least 50.

I wasn't particularly insecure about the difference itself. He told me he was done with party girls and wanted someone more conservative. Why compare myself to girls he outright despised now.

Needless to say it didn't work out though. It was like he was having an identity crisis where he wanted a conservative girl but also a girl who acts identical to the party girls he used to bed easily. Now I almost exclusively date virgins since the values tend to align in a more genuine, non-hyprocritical way.

balanceinallthings2 · 2020-12-02T10:54:02+00:00

I've (24) been dating my girlfriend (29) for about 4 months now, our sexual pasts are extremely different and we've been experiencing some difficulty talking about it. Basically my girlfriend is extremely insecure about relationships and friendships because of her looks. She's a little bit overweight and has large breasts. She was abandoned by her parents and this has caused a huge drive in her to be accepted. She was bullied and cast out because of her upbringing in highschool and had her first boyfriend at 15. The boyfriend cheated on her, and this caused a fucking shitshow for her. She felt neglected once again, and used her (porn body, according to most) to get that acceptance from men and slept around. From 15 to 29 she has slept with over 50 men. She suffered from severe alcoholism and had periods where she had no friends, looking for acceptance in the wrong places. Basically looking for easy sex just to reaffirm that these men want nothing to do with her, driving her to believe that she is worth nothing, because that's what these cunts have been telling her all her life. She was extremely unhappy and still has this disbelief that I'm truly in love with her. She does not believe she's good enough.

Then there's me, 24, had sex with two women before her. I met my girlfriend on Discord during a period where I was suffering from severe mental illness. She was kind to me, never hid her sexual past (sometimes even bragging) and showed affection when nobody else, not even my parents, would. Like her, I was abandoned. After overcoming the most horrendous aspects of my illness I went to meet her. I fell in love instantly. Never met someone so sweet and caring. She cooks for me everyday. When I'm down she holds me for comfort. She has trouble having sex now because she's never experienced it in a loving way, with all those sexual partners she had an orgasm herself TWICE. She used to being fucked and that's it. Sex between us is GREAT. Her sexual past has gotten to me. I've felt insecure, I've wondered if she has been comparing me to other men, I've worried about her cheating. But then I looked at how loving she is. How she wants to be held every night. How she buys 60 plus Christmas presents just to make sure everybody around her is having a good time. How she doesn't like sex where shit feels impersonal, because she's been used like that her whole life. I felt dwarfed by her past, but now I feel like we've helpt each other to overcome our insecurities. True love, however fucking cliché that sounds.

I have never been happier in my life, and I feel like me worrying about her sexual past would be giving in to my own insecurity talking. In the end it is all about a little voice whispering to the both of us: 'you are not good enough'.

Just tell the voice to shut the fuck up.

iups · 2020-12-02T10:55:18+00:00

My fiance is loosely religious but he clings to traditional and religious values. He isn't against casual sex, he had a couple hook-ups and 3 long term girlfriends. His count is 7, mine is 12. I've slept with 5 men and 7 women.

He has never shown any insecurity or jealousy about my past with women but my past with men bothered him. It's a lot better now but I think he will always be insecure about it.

tiposk · 2020-12-01T22:30:57+00:00

My partner has experience with several ltrs and flyings, but nothing that would be considered crazy. I doubt he hits the double digits. When we started dating he would complain a lot about a co-worker who was believed to be promiscuous. I got so tired of it that I looked at him and said: "I've slept with many guys as well, if this is a problem for you there's the door". This happened several years ago and I haven't heard him complaining again.

The funny thing is that he believes that my n-count is in the 20s, when it's actually around 12. I've never bothered to correct him.

AttackOnTightPanties · 2020-12-02T00:06:11+00:00

My previous relationship had this problem. I’d only ever had sex with one person before him (a boyfriend in a three year long relationship) but had messed around and made out with a handful of other people. He was completely virginal besides making out.

He was already insecure and emotionally unstable so this threw alcohol onto an already toxic relationship. If anything so much reminded him of the fact that I’d had sex before him or been intimate with other people, he would take it out on me by giving me the cold shoulder. I got tired of that happening so I’d ignore him when it did happen, which made him mad at me for not trying to comfort him. We once got into a fight where he pissed me off so hard I told him how many people I’d messed around with before him and he bawled... even though I’d only ever had sex with one other person and oral sex with like three other people.

He was so insecure that everything made him think I was cheating on him. He would lose his mind anytime I was supposed to go hangout and drink with friends or go out on the town without him. There was one point I’d decided to do shots by myself instead of mixing it, so I got a little plastic shot glass, lost it on the counter and gotten another. When he came over, he saw two shot glasses as well as a bottle of wine, and he lost his shit on me because it wasn’t “normal” behavior for me and looked like someone else had been over... I got drunk by myself and probably watched Supernatural until I fell asleep.

The worst part was when he would give me the silent treatment or other pissed behavior when I would come home late from an internship (that eventually turned into a job) that was an hour away from where we were going to school.

I’m not at all against being with guys who are less experienced than me if I ever date again. But for people out there, guys and gals, who are insecure about their lack of experience, please just leave your partner if you’re going to crucify your partner over it. I should have left long before I did, which is on me, but if you know you’re unfairly putting a partner through the ringer then just go find someone who doesn’t make you feel as insecure or go be alone. It’s not their fault they’re more experienced than you.

The entire relationship has made me less than empathetic for people who struggle with feeling insecure in a relationship or who are intimidated by how appealing their partner is to the opposite sex. I don’t feel bad for people with this issue who aren’t working with their partner to resolve it or who just put the blame all on their partner.

cynoclast · 2020-12-02T06:06:30+00:00

As is typical women say body count doesn’t matter until the man she wants has a higher one than her. Then all of a sudden it does. Shocker. I am so shocked. Look at my shocked face. I never expected the gender of lies to be hypocritical!

SteveSan82 · 2020-12-02T09:24:50+00:00

Women only LTR guys with lower notch counts if he’s beta bucks.

Hoopy223 · 2020-12-01T22:13:57+00:00

Depends in what your relationship is based on. People with waaay different pasts usually have differing values and experiences to draw from.

Emervila · 2020-12-01T22:32:38+00:00

As long as the sexual life is healthy in the relationship, past doesn't matter.

One thing people here refuses to discuss is when a person feels insecurity about her/his own past. Most of the time discussion goes against men being shamed for filtering women with promiscuous past.

Alfredaux · 2020-12-02T02:06:02+00:00

It’s probably best not to have the numbers conversations at all, really. What is the point? What gain is there? I’d say none. What potential harms can there be? Plenty of insecurity, jealousy, judgement, and conflict.
Without a fundamental change in how one conceptualizes sex and relationships and/or without dealing with their insecurities, there is no “getting over” any of what you talk about. As for dealing with insecurities, it’s helps to remember that previous relationships don’t really matter unless they do. And if they do, that’s on your partner. And if your partner uses their past relationships to judge you negatively and there is nothing you can (or want to) do to address that, then let them move on if they want. No relationships are permanent. Everyone and everything changes eventually.

eightbic · 2020-12-02T04:40:33+00:00

That’s why you don’t talk about it. Past is past.

801735 · 2020-12-01T22:40:47+00:00

In my experience females truly are the ones who fail to accept self-sufficient men for we are - free until someone worth our commitment comes along and if that doesn't happen, so be it.

Anon98jv · 2020-12-02T03:56:18+00:00

If I have a to teach a guy to fuck that’s just embarrassing. It’s 2020 fuck who you want or don’t but the issue isn’t the number it’s how you feel which is rooted in insecurities which is the biggest turn off. My current bf has had sex with 60+ women and I don’t mind it’s not my body and I didn’t know him then

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octocombo · 2020-12-01T23:19:27+00:00

No significant insecurities based on the past. We’ve had more emotional discussions about fairness and FOMO with respect to current non-monogamous relationships, but that also hasn’t been a problem because we’re both respectful of each other’s boundaries and good about communication.

cdreh0 · 2020-12-02T00:44:39+00:00

This has never been an issue with me in any of my relationships. In the past I dated men with a higher n-count than mine and vice versa, most men didn't ask. I've been married for 6 years to a much lower n-count man. He had experiences during his military service that I find disgusting but eventually accepted, so maybe that is the balance for us?

Sufficient-Ad-3586 · 2020-12-02T01:06:30+00:00

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Sufficient-Ad-3586 · 2020-12-02T02:22:26+00:00

[permanently deleted]

metsaema · 2020-12-02T03:00:36+00:00

My boyfriend was my first in everything, while he had a quite active romantic/sexual life before me (I am a late bloomer, but he is also 8 years older than me). We are together for 5 years right now, we were supposed to get married this year but covid delayed our plans. This never was an issue for me, but sometimes he felt a bit guilty over this.

We have different views on casual sex, but it's no big deal as it streams solely on personal preferences and not some dogmatic view.

PlanetSquare · 2020-12-02T03:41:13+00:00

I've never been in a relationship with a polar opposite history, I usually only like people who are also a but more reserved in that way.

Though it has been somewhat of an issue because while I don't have much experience, it's still more than some of the people I've been interested in, they may have not shared a kiss with anyone before me, held hands or even hugged anyone that they weren't related to. So they are sometimes a little jealous and insecure, or ask me a lot of questions.

I have also been a bit insecure with people who have had more experience than me though, not jealous but just worried that I wouldn't fit the standard they may have in their mind.

spacechicken1990 · 2020-12-02T04:22:16+00:00

My ex was 8 years older, he was my second partner. I must have been his 10-15th, what bothered me wasn’t one night stands rather the sheer amount of relationship he’d had before me. I hated the idea of him being more in love with other women, or having said & done exactly the same things with them. I felt insignificant in comparison to their beauty & connection they had with him.

asymptori · 2020-12-02T04:44:10+00:00

I am a woman (24) with a “high” number. In the teens. My last boyfriend really had an issue with it. He was obsessed from the get go on knowing the number. Our relationship began after there was a rumor going around about a sexual encounter I had with a coworker. So, starting off on a bad note to say the least.

Anyway, I really wanted this guy. We hit it off in every other way. I thought it was intrusive how he kept asking for the number. I subtracted a few to get down into the single digits and he held that fake number over my head for the entire relationship in one way or another. It was the most prevalent example of him not respecting me or boundaries I set. He had sexual trauma experiences growing up and couldn’t connect that my high count was connected to trauma and emotional issues as well.

After an absolutely terrible road with us both in therapy separately, I came clean about lying about the number. He forgave me (as a part of a long bout of therapy) but at this point it was too late on my end. I had been degraded too much and I couldn’t forgive him. It was too emotionally exhausting for me to be crying and screaming at his relentless questioning about specific details of old sexual encounters. I also contracted an STD from him. Our relationship ended. I still miss the good parts sometimes but writing this out reminds me why it needed to end.

I have a partner now that had fewer partners than me but he does not care or ever bring it up. I am grateful every day. I have also embraced a more traditional lifestyle and work on my well-being regularly. Any part of me that used sex for validation has been obliterated.

TL;DR- There are signs of insecurity about a large n count discrepancy between partners at the beginning. Look out for those signs and save yourself a lot of pain. A high n count might connect to a problem- make sure they’re working on it if you wanna take this partner on.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2020-12-02T06:07:53+00:00

Inf3rn0_exile · 2020-12-02T09:06:45+00:00

I don’t think it would be a deal breaker for me, but I have a feeling that I would feel like I missed out... I have never dated nor have had anyone be interested in me. I would feel insecure about not having been with as many women as the woman i am with has been the men.

Master-Edward-3 · 2020-12-02T09:13:03+00:00

Let me just say of course it’s mostly guys since obtaining sex for men is a completely opposite world than for women. Women can loose virginity at 11 years old if desired while men at times might have wished to loose their virginity 11 years ago after age 21. Could be nature’s way of balance by bestowing men with a higher general sex drive with women a lower, but men and women are generally always opposites. And opposites can attract.

Men usually can run women away with insecurities over this or break up themselves from said women. Women might not care that much because either they have had a number of satisfactory experiences or can get them yet chose not to seek that out.

LosVangelis · 2020-12-02T10:24:42+00:00

WHAT'S THE POINT OF FUCKING IF YOU ARENE'T MAKING BABIES?

Grubblin · 2020-12-02T14:06:50+00:00

I'm a guy that usually has much more experience than the women I date. I "get passed it" by never going there. When the number subject comes up, it always seems to come up, I just say that, "I've slept with at least two other women but no where near a thousand". That seems to work, I've never had one pursue it past that point. TBH, I don't even know the number because everyone that I've ever been with was always so much more than just a number.

iamthemovie1992 · 2020-12-03T02:07:06+00:00

I’m put off by it, but it’s not so much having to do with her, it’s because I couldn’t get casual sex and obviously all those men could

lillssa · 2020-12-03T02:36:23+00:00

for me(late bloomer with experienced partner), doesn’t bother me.

it’s chill. i mean. i ABSOLUTELY made fun of him when he told he had to get treated for chlamydia twice(i got tested before we started dating and after we had sex the first time - all clear). bc dude that’s gross?????? threesome doesn’t mean you don’t need a condom what the fuck

other than grossing me out bc past STD 🤢 i didn’t mind that much. he did the college fraternity thing. i did online at home w mom and dad.

trve_21e · 2020-12-03T14:05:13+00:00

The comments here from males all seem to show they chase after women that have had many experiences. It seems men are overlooking less experienced women to go after the more sexually experienced ones then complain and get insecure about the woman being just that.

Title	Couples with unbalanced sexual histories.
Author	Sufficient-Ad-3586
Upvotes	96
Comments	498
Date	December 1, 2020 10:08 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/k4vdmd/couples_with_unbalanced_sexual_histories/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/couples-with-unbalanced-sexual-histories.329075 https://theredarchive.com/post/329075

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