Female Nature: Never take responsibility

MartyMcFly7 · 2023-01-06T21:45:58+00:00

Same.

I once asked my ex, "Do you believe you are responsible for any part of this marriage failing?" She answered, "The only thing I did wrong was not divorcing you 10 years ago!"

So now she's out there making mistakes and paying for them and I'm having the time of my life. :)

ChompySnack · 2023-01-06T22:18:11+00:00

We had arguments? 100% my fault apparently. What? You are upset by my actions? That is hurtful to me that you were hurt. It upsets me that you were upset by me! Whatever. That cheat code just doesn’t work with me anymore.

17throwaway-scorpio · 2023-01-06T21:41:10+00:00

Same.

My stbxw doesn't take any accountability nor have any self-awareness to see her own faults. She thought she was the perfect wife to me. Yeah she loved me, but she didn't care about what I have to say when it counts.

And that resulted in me wanting to file for divorce. She never even want to get to the bottom of it. She never wanted to talk about it nor listen to what I had to say. She made up her own answers and don't need to me to tell her.

Oh well...

1Cobbler · 2023-01-06T21:39:20+00:00

Before a woman decides to leave you she's been building a narrative of bullshit about you in her own head for the past 12 months, which is based in about 20% truth.

It's how they justify all their horrible behavior now.

WartimeDad · 2023-01-06T21:25:02+00:00

100% my fault despite all the evidence in the world to the contrary. It’s just default mode, ignore it.

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-01-06T20:53:42+00:00

Yes

Our worst fights are where she refuses to accept any responsibility and downplays the things I’m angry about

Objective_Problem_90 · 2023-01-07T00:04:23+00:00

Yep. Got that line all the time. Went to marriage counseling and she told the counselor she wasn't going to budge on any of her attitudes, actions because she had done nothing wrong in the marriage. When I told her I wanted divorce a few months later, she was cold, indifferent, void of any emotion. She just simply said " I was the perfect wife for you, you'll never find anyone better". News flash, it really wasn't hard to find someone better, she set the bar very low. Ha

SpacemanLost · 2023-01-06T23:22:28+00:00

According to my ex, everything bad that happened world-wide between 701 AD and 2247 AD was my fault. And everything good that happened during the same time period was her fault.

I wish that wasn't only a -mild- exaggeration.

MisterLemming · 2023-01-07T00:43:23+00:00

I challenged my now ex once to say one negative thing about herself, after her verbally flogging me for what felt like hours. She thought to herself real hard for a moment and I could hear the cogs turning.

"I'm too nice" was her response.

It's funny though. Our marriage only started failing when I stopped taking responsibility for everything that went wrong in her life. That's when the real manipulation started. What a narcissistic nightmare.

jimsmythee · 2023-01-06T20:44:18+00:00

Same here!

Any disaster she had? It was all my fault.

Her DUI conviction? Overzealous prosecutor, and ineffective lawyers. But it was because it was because I wouldn't get her a lawyer, that she had to borrow money from her parents for a lawyer and that's why she had a bad lawyer. It was all my fault.

Her problem with pills? Bad doctors that wouldn't treat her pain. But it was my fault because I had stopped caring about her chronic pain.

Her car crashes? It was my fault. Even though I was even in the car at the time of her many crashes? still my fault.

Aypos · 2023-01-06T22:27:10+00:00

Narcissism.

fishingforthought · 2023-01-06T21:41:00+00:00

Me to! The spouse never apologized during our marriage. I guess that means it was always my fault .

muscularmusician · 2023-01-07T00:24:02+00:00

Went through months of marriage counseling. Found out just how messed up our marriage was. I admitted to many ways I had failed and screwed up, ways I could have done better. .. not once did she apologize or admit any sort of fault.. for anything... it all pointed back at me. .. after 15yrs..

Hayekr · 2023-01-07T00:02:10+00:00

The great line by Melvin Udall (played by Jack Nicholson) from As Good as it Gets encapsulates this issue perfectly.

Receptionist: "How do you write women so well?"

Melvin Udall: "I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability."

SanMiguelDayAllende · 2023-01-06T23:27:26+00:00

My ex was a narcissist. We went to 4 different marriage therapists in the last 5 years of marriage. She was in therapy only waiting for me to change. She wasn't there for anything she could work on.

The change she was waiting for was me not taking her shit anymore. I wasn't going back to being her door mat. Happily divorced now.

net___runner · 2023-01-06T21:33:59+00:00

almost all of us, I suspect.

CryptographerFew4882 · 2023-01-07T08:58:10+00:00

Me too. All my fault. I'm not perfect but I didn't cheat, worked hard, decent salary, loved my kids, did a good share of housework, didn't get physical with my family (or anyone), wasn't abusive, wasn't an addict. And here I am, all my fault, and apparently always been a shit husband.

Problem for me was that i believed it for a while. Some mutual friends seem to have fallen for it too.

I don't know if it really is female nature, but there's a lot of us left feeling this way.

Alatornio · 2023-01-06T23:11:20+00:00

100 percent of men will go through this. This is what women do to obtain power.

They need to be ignored. If you ignore a woman, they can't handle it. After the divorce, go live your life to the max. Destroy her mental state by being productive. Women are not productive. They contribute nothing and, without a male, basically learn the hard way.

Your revenge is watching her fail at everything she does without you because you did everything for her.

Various_Artists_ · 2023-01-06T23:57:54+00:00

Huge time here brother. Zero accountability. Zero. The breaking point for me was when I asked “Why is that I can not receive affection or appreciation from you ever? Her “Yeah I was thinking about that and sometimes it seems like you resent the children so I don’t want to give you that” Me One thousand bazillion mile stare. Walks away in my head - This is clearly an irretrievable breakdown.

dragonfly323 · 2023-01-06T22:08:42+00:00

My ex never took responsibility either. Everything was my fault and I never liked having confrontations with her so I would always apologize no matter if I was at fault or not. She always acted like she has never done anything wrong.

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2023-01-06T22:42:43+00:00

It’s always my fault and her new thing is to say that maybe I am the one who needs therapy.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2023-01-06T23:05:40+00:00

Same here. She built her own narrative that was not even close to reality.

didyoucurbthewheels · 2023-01-07T00:10:10+00:00

Yes. I'm the monster, the fucked up one, the mentally ill, crazy, abusive one, cheater. You name it. All my fault..in her eyes.

lothar_of_the_hill_p · 2023-01-07T01:13:38+00:00

My STBXW would yell and berate me. I'd ask her not to and she would say "then stop making me mad!" Of course she couldn't identify what was upsetting her and would go ballistic over nothing.

When she filed, she accused me of being "hostile ". As the process unfolds, I'm starting to wonder if she believes that or it is a strategy to always keep me on the defense with every outrageous thing that she does.

traveller1976 · 2023-01-07T15:31:18+00:00

It's part of the infection of modern feminism, where society and culture teaches women they are immaculate angels incapable of sin or error. Such women are absolutely toxic because no progress is possible if anyone refuses accountability. In any case all men have to be very careful with their time, money and sperm and fully filter out such demonic women who blame everything on men.

External-Test-6915 · 2023-01-07T04:51:43+00:00

STBXW told me our relationship isn’t 50/50 and she puts in more cause she does things like make thoughtful gifts for our kids teachers. 😒 She said it’s close to 50/50 but that’s not good enough. Everything is about what I haven’t done and she doesn’t see any fault in her thinking or actions.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2023-01-07T05:04:37+00:00

U know who else doesn't take responsibility? Children.

Yes, I said it.

Men take responsibility.

Spodee5 · 2023-01-07T10:32:06+00:00

Yup 100% my fault according to her. Yet the reason we got divorced was she was cheating, and she came out as a lesbian. She was cheating with women and blamed me.

It's called gaslighting, its emotional abuse and its a great means of control. Learn and break free

david10277 · 2023-01-07T18:52:02+00:00

Females apologize ?

Entitled parasites dont apologize.
You can catch your ex wife with a dick in her mouth in your house and it will be.yoir fault.

Dont hold your breath my friend...

Me .. 30yr married and 4 kids older I caught mine in a 7 yr affair and played her the recorded tape of her conversation with her affair guy On those recordings... She states "how he is the most important person in her life" not me not the kids but him.

After confronting her I told her to leave. She moved out and filed for divorce ..yep she filed

Ahaha She still hasn't apologized. I have let go of that ever happening.

Just work on getting your divorce done and these kinds of people out of your life.

Beamformer · 2023-01-07T00:13:00+00:00

My STBX checks enough of the cluster B DSM boxes. But then I realized how blurry things really are. Narcissist females at work, everywhere, and societal messages that promote it. Dysfunctions are defined as being outside the average, and that average seems to be a moving target. I don't know what my grandmothers' were NOT responsible for, and I don't know what my STBX was. Meh, maybe her "image", that sure took a lot of work.

XXX_TEEN_AVI_EXE · 2023-01-07T14:57:34+00:00

Mine once ordered in and blamed me for her meal being undercooked. The meal that she selected that was cooked by someone else at a restaurant she chose.

My all-time favorite was when she backed out of someone else's driveway and hit a car parked on the opposite side of the street, and blamed me. I was not in the car. 😂

TastyWheat67 · 2023-01-06T20:54:39+00:00

When our sons school called the cops on me, for demanding that the teacher who broke my sons skull be fired. The cop was even on my side but not my wife. Yep, 4 days in intensive care. My wife attacked my character. She would bend her logic to make everything my fault. This is what empowered women do.

hkbk2011 · 2023-01-06T23:06:46+00:00

Exactly same here

KnownDistance · 2023-01-07T05:51:09+00:00

I'm really digging this thread... Godspeed and God Bless all of us. None of us are navigating anything Terra Incognito, so stay the course. And remember, any of you just starting out on this new development in your life, you have an obligation to make yourself your own best interests.

Don't worry, as alien as it may feel right now, you can get used to it. And it's a good thing. Stay the course.

Dontgetmarriedever · 2023-01-07T19:49:52+00:00

Every mother fucking thing was my fault. I mean she would try to find a way to make everything my fault. If she got sick. It was from me. If she was unhappy it was because of me. Fuck that evil bitch. I was so stupid to let her control everything I did.

TakeBackWhat · 2023-01-07T03:24:39+00:00

(raised hand)

porterfive · 2023-01-07T19:22:07+00:00

I thought everything was fine then I felt like I was blindsided by almost 15 years of built up rage and anger and a total shutdown from her. I’m usually good at picking up on things and I didn’t feel anything was building up or anything until the “we need to go see someone question was raised.” I didn’t know if I needed a marriage counselor or an exorcist at that point?!?!? SMH

Slow_Way1108 · 2023-01-08T14:15:47+00:00

This is also why I'll give no quarter in the divorce.

Best thing I've read here is to treat it as coolly as a business partnership that's breaking up. Which is exactly what I'll do.

SaulBrewster · 2023-01-07T01:08:22+00:00

Same story here. It’s brutal and unfair

rhett342 · 2023-01-07T01:16:28+00:00

One of my kids was a bit of a problem child. If you ask my stbxw it was because if me. I'd get too upset because of stuff my wife did and rjay was all on me too. I have felt a lot less guilty since she left.

Forward-Transition-5 · 2023-01-07T02:45:30+00:00

In the beginning of my divorce this was the case but now she admits she fucked up at least to me. She won’t take all the credit for it but she’ll at least admit some. And I can’t say that it was all her fault either because I am a very difficult person to deal with at times. We just had clashing personalities so it was never going to work anyway. I still could have dealt with this for the rest of my life because I truly believed in marriage being forever but the only thing I can’t handle is infidelity. Once that happens I’m checked out and there’s no coming back. So I still tell her she was most of the reason for the divorce but I’ll take my credit where it’s due. FYI the only reason I still talk to her sometimes is because we have a child together and I’ve told her once they’re 18 she’ll never hear from me again. Luckily when we aren’t around each other we can get along just fine mostly so it hasn’t been too much of a struggle when we talk but I have to bite my tongue when she does things that piss me off because I’m not willing to risk going back to court over custody arrangements.

JonathanApple · 2023-01-07T18:37:34+00:00

Uh, yeah. You could say that. Hell she is still trying to pin things on me and we haven't been married in years.

Slow_Way1108 · 2023-01-08T14:03:47+00:00

100%

She never accepted any accountability.

The gaslighting about how everything was a misunderstanding and therefore my fault was consistent and encompassed everything.

She was constantly lying and telling half truths to make herself the victim and the good guy.

It was in the last year to 18 months that our relationship fell apart. But she has been very retroactive with all the above to the point of casting shade doubt and blame on me all the way back to when we first started dating.

Which is all pretty amazing considering she proposed to me first.

Sensitive-Egg-3912 · 2023-01-06T22:31:42+00:00

Fully agree, but truthfully it's a human trait, not just women. We are all the heroes of our own stories. I would never suggest bending over and agreeing that it's all your fault. Just keep in mind that you're never going to change her mind on this, so why bother to fight it.

Spanky_WaffleSnapper · 2023-01-07T10:09:23+00:00

My wife (future ex) does not recognise the disproportionate impact her personality has on our marriage. She’s easily triggered and argues with everyone.

When we break up, she’ll blame me for her being the way she is. When we got together she blamed her exes for the relationships not working. She blames her family for the way she is.

JackNotName · 2023-01-07T00:39:05+00:00

That’s not female nature.

There are humans wormhole are like this. It sucks to be around them, it don’t go making this a gendered issue.

2ndChance_1stMistake · 2023-01-06T20:38:35+00:00

She's your ex wife for a reason.

Her opinion of you is none of your business.

Title	Female Nature: Never take responsibility
Author	644pacf
Upvotes	67
Comments	111
Date	January 6, 2023 8:37 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1054sbs/female_nature_never_take_responsibility/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/female-nature-never-take-responsibility.1146738 https://theredarchive.com/post/1146738

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