She realized she’s basically single but with more chores

BBQCoolRanchQueen · 2020-12-11T15:13:54+00:00

Being a single mom is leagues easier than being married/living with a man toddler. There are a lot of what I call "married single mothers" out there; the lvm/nvm earns the paycheck, and not much else. At least with actual single motherhood, you don't have to deal with added chores, the emotional labor of dealing with an ass hat daily, and for the most part, financial abuse (as some men abuse from beyond the relationship grave, see child support avoidance). Single motherhood can be liberating, and I'm so glad she's finally free!

dulciori · 2020-12-11T14:45:18+00:00

Good for her! She must feel so liberated. :)

youdipthong · 2020-12-11T14:59:08+00:00

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Novemberinthechair · 2020-12-11T15:27:48+00:00

He expected sex and massages...

futuristicallyangry · 2020-12-11T15:03:24+00:00

I love this! My mom is a single mom too from the time of my birth as she and my dad were separated and they finalized the divorce after a couple of years. And she says the exact same thing, that she was already doing a lot of stuff and sabotaging her higher education for the sake of my dad, and now at least she gets to spend her time pouring her love into her kid and herself instead of staying stuck with my dad who is like a nagging baby. Even I have seen his behaviour and I thank the universe that mom got a better life.

Ana_jp · 2020-12-11T16:08:30+00:00

All my mothers divorced friends have found they have so much more time and money since their husbands left.

DV_throwaway19675 · 2020-12-11T17:15:56+00:00

This is the reason women are single with young kids, no other reason. Always this. Which is why single dads are always undateable.

SayNad · 2020-12-11T16:55:33+00:00

Bless her. I have no kids, am single, have no responsibilities except my career n am care free but I get how women get into that mess. You don't have to put up with anything!! Men are easily replaceable, disposable n not needed!!

2020-12-11T14:45:32+00:00

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BabyBlankieieieieie · 2020-12-11T16:18:19+00:00

She’s gorgeous, love her hair and eyeliner, and she deserves better. Glad she bailed!

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2020-12-11T17:04:22+00:00

I don’t have kids, but I’ve always thought this about single mothers. Though I can see it must be hard because growing a child is a huge responsibility, I can see how much harder it is with an extra man baby who she has to look after.

I remember when an old friend had her first baby and was initially struggling - she was looking after the baby and doing all the housework etc. as many would know, couldn’t even have a shower in the early months as she couldn’t leave bubs alone. And her husband actually said “I want to but I don’t know how to help you.” And she’s just like “ahhh maybe do some of the 4 loads of washing I do per day? Change some diapers? Bath the baby? Do dishes? Make dinner?...” seriously. These men just think women were put on this earth to serve them.

thetruerealog · 2020-12-11T17:06:43+00:00

I've always heard that there are a ton of moms out there happier once they got divorced. They say at least now he is forced to be with the kids a few day each month so they have more free time. Also what she said. They have one less person to take care of.

I used to have a coworker who was not married but had three kids at the age of 25 with her boyfriend. The oldest kid was 6 I think. I'm not sure. But the point is that the dad was unemployed. The kids all went to school except one. So in the mornings he would take the kids to school and have all the morning for himself and he would only stay with one kid. But then he refused to take care of the kids so his girlfriend could go out. So that means she would leave from work at 3 and would only get two hours until the kids were out. And during this two hours she had to stay with the baby one. Her boyfriend would only take the kids if she had an extra shift during afternoon's. He was more a babysitter than a father for them.

So that means she had no free time for herself. Had to go from work to the house. No social life. She was the only one working and even if they were not married he would have access to her bank accounts. He was the one making the decisions about money.

So it's really sad because she was the one working, the one taking care of the kids and the boyfriend was the one spending the money

The worst part is if she separated his boyfriend she would be better. As a single mom she would get daycare for the baby for free. She would get more benefits from the government. So she would get rid of the boyfriend who spends all her money AND get more money for herself from the government.

Now we don't work together but I don't know. I just feel sad for her. Also did I mention his boyfriend is 7/8 years older? She told me but I can't remember the exact age.

denverkris · 2020-12-11T17:50:39+00:00

I think about women like her every time some man toddler friend of mine posts shit on social media when their wives go out of town and they're like:

"OMG I MADE MY KIDS THEIR DINNER MYSELF, GRILLED CHEESE, I'M THE BEST DAD EVER!"

Whenever they do I roast the shit out of them.

LevelTurbulent · 2020-12-11T15:50:44+00:00

Oh, I feel this so hard! I regret not leaving my ex husband sooner. I already did everything and took care of his lazy ass too. I'm glad she got out. It is easier without them.

viell · 2020-12-11T17:28:50+00:00

YES. This is it. My best friend split up from the father of her daughter when she was a baby, and she was like "it's really not harder, I'm doing the same things as I was before but I finally don't have to put up with him". The only problem she had was that he didn't want to pay child support and she had to take him to court for that. Some dads don't even want to do the bare minimum.

2020-12-11T15:16:52+00:00

This is true for me too! It’s cheaper and easier.

penandfeather · 2020-12-11T17:27:27+00:00

No kids here, but recently divorced. When I first left him, a friend told me “there will be things that you’ll have to figure put how to do on your own, but you’ll get through.”

The only things I could think of that he used to do for me that I couldn’t necessarily do on my own were open jars and reach stuff on high shelves. I took care of everything else (not that he did NOTHING but he had to he nagged to do anything that would disrupt his busy schedule of gaming, smoking weed, spending the money I earned and feeling sorry for himself)

tellmesomething11 · 2020-12-11T18:23:33+00:00

Can confirm. When I divorced my ex, my life became so much better. I did all these tasks anyway, and I also cleaned up and took care of my ex. Losing that responsibility became so much easier. I have way more money, I don’t feel guilty about buying myself clothing, and I don’t have to take care of a bum.

I actually don’t mind cleaning up and taking care of my daughters...they are a part of me and I love them. But I hated, hated HATED taking care of my ex. He would be mad that I didn’t dress super nice, but literally all my money went towards bills. It’s crazy how much I have now🙄

trumpslefttit · 2020-12-11T14:46:27+00:00

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atuan · 2020-12-11T18:17:38+00:00

It is ten times easier to be a single mom than a coparent with someone who makes you do all the work AND argues with you and stops you from getting that work done.

DV_throwaway19675 · 2020-12-11T19:43:14+00:00

I need to add something else: parenting and unconditionally loving actual toddlers can be a challenge but is also so rewarding becuase they grow and flourish under your care and you can see how your loving care is making them into the person they are. And you can literally see the changes they go thought and how your parenting affects them in a matter of days or weeks.

Parenting an unconditionally loving a man-toddler is like throwing your care and love into a black hole of hopelessness. They need the same or more love than your actual children but they never grow, they never develop into better people and the move you give they more they want to suck out of you. Some of them will claim that they change eventually with enough love and consideration but if you compare their rate of change with the rate of change and growth of a real child it's pretty damn obvious the men are standing still.

Arcaii · 2020-12-11T20:11:09+00:00

This is why so many women are saying fuck it and staying single, or divorcing the ones they got. Men are saying THEY are the ones doing this, because they're sick of "women's" shit. It's actually the other way around. They say they're mgtow when they're actually either dumped or an incel.

Women are the ones going their own way, men are just acting like it's them cause they don't want to admit whats really going on. That they're being rejected and are not needed. Not only are they not needed, they're often a burden. But it infuriates me that they think they're the ones who do it all. Nothing women do is seen as valuable. I think there's a reason that working mothers raise sons who respect women more. Men don't respect you unless you're out earning an income. That's the only form of work they believe is real effort, no matter the reality of it. You can sit on your ass all day in front of a computer, but if you're getting a paycheck that SOMEHOW is harder than being on your feet all day completing dozens upon dozens of tasks for several other people that last until late at night?

Which is why anything related to children or housework is pushed on us. It's the duties of the "lesser" beings. They think they're above that, and they think it's so easy and menial. Probably why they don't actually care to help. And probably why they don't actually recognize this is why so many women divorce them.

mermaid_sneaky_eyes · 2020-12-11T18:32:20+00:00

I have a friend on Instagram who I went to middle school with. We are both now 27. She got pregnant at 17 and while pregnant, her boyfriend gets locked up. He gets out when she is about 20-21 and they get married. Shortly after she gets pregnant again.

She messaged me before the birth of her daughter and told me her husband wouldn’t let her work or got to school. Now a few years later, she’s a stay at home mom still who has never worked or gone to school. I don’t even think she graduated high school.

A few weeks ago she posted on her IG stories her whole morning routine. She wakes up with her husband at 4 am to start his shower, pack his lunch, and start his truck! She does everything for the man child. She said in her stories that this life may not be for everyone but she lives a struggle free life, i was like sis....you do live a struggled life!

I think she tries to justify it to convince herself this is what she wanted, but its not. When we were in school she was the spoiled girl who came from money and had dreams and aspirations for her future. She also posted how she has to stay up late to do her husband’s laundry so he can go to work in fresh clothes.

I can’t think of anything more horrible then being married to someone like this and have no identity whatsoever.

ItsFreezen · 2020-12-11T18:48:47+00:00

I came across a married Youtuber who said without saying it. That she goes to bed late because if she gone to bed at the same time her husband does she would be coerced into having sex with him.

nonchalance77 · 2020-12-11T18:36:35+00:00

There isn’t a man alive I would trust enough to make another human with. Sad, I know. I’m glad that ship has sailed for me.

moonartemis1989 · 2020-12-11T15:17:11+00:00

What is "packing my husband's lunch"? I've never heard of that before. I know what all those words mean individually, but put them together and it becomes gibberish.

It's like pickmes are from another planet.

Edit: my boyfriend packed me a nice lunch for work yesterday. Made sure I got up in time for work and made coffee for me. Lol I'm a douche bag.

ScallionOk958 · 2020-12-11T20:17:31+00:00

This guy got massages on top of all the shit he made her deal with alone?? He still got sex when he wanted it?? Helllll no

Good for her for leaving his dead weight! #kickhimout2020

terrn1981 · 2020-12-11T22:56:14+00:00

Men enjoy the part of feminism where women bring home money now, but haven't grasped the part where they have to actually do their share of the family life. Life has actually gotten harder and more stressful for women since fighting for our rights.. wonder if men will ever catch up.

Frizzycatt · 2020-12-11T20:44:12+00:00

When my mom was married to my sperm donor back in.. 1989 she was 19 years old and he was 23? They had planned to have a family together planned to have me and while pregnant my sperm donor of a father was attending college not working as my mom worked 2 jobs and came home to clean and cook for him while pregnant. 6 months into the pregnancy in the parking lot at his school he broke up with her in the car saying he wanted a divorce because she wasn't being the best wife she could possibly be. My mom devastated crying in the car wondering what just happened what she did wrong sees said sperm donor hugging and kissing another woman. This man kicked her out.. and claimed the kid probably wasn't even his in the first place. Needless to say this gave him an excuse to be absent.

He never changed either.. he knocked up the woman he cheated on my mom with and was even worse to them even after he divorced her.. then he had another woman whom he knocked up same shit another year.. Now he's onto another and we'll see how that turns out. He's 50 something and I talked to him once a couple years ago and he still thinks he did nothing wrong and blamed my mom for everything.

Oh forgot to say 29 years later the dna test I took for fun did confirm he was my sperm donor.

dutchie19 · 2020-12-11T17:41:50+00:00

Amen, that was my marriage. I did it all then, I do it all now, but my child and I have a way stronger bond because I'm not running on empty ALL THE TIME. Yes the stress of divorce, moving, it was all terrible at the time, but it was so worth it now!!

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2020-12-11T21:28:40+00:00

Word.

A lot of women are stuck in awful situationships like this and it baffles me.

HOW IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER THAN BEING SINGLE?

How’s this “life” any easier than being single? How? How is it an upgrade over being single?

siennapeaches · 2020-12-11T17:11:59+00:00

I’m so happy for her! Her ex sounded exactly like another one of her kids, making her watch YouTube videos about cars... wtf

cwfs1007 · 2020-12-11T18:33:02+00:00

Yes! People ask me all the time if it was hard to live alone after breaking up with my boyfriend. NOPE. Less dishes, less laundry, less to clean up and cook, and the bills didn't increase because he wasn't paying them. Which is why I kicked him out and found peace!

CrazyPaine · 2020-12-11T20:26:50+00:00

That getting on top thing did it for me. God. I was in an abusive and controlling relationship with an nex. After I worked 10 hours, commuted for a good hour or 2 hours to get home then I expected to get on top. I snapped at him for always coercing me into sex which I no longer enjoyed with him tbh. He almost punched me for calling him the b word, but he really was. I was so exhausted and tired and he couldn't understand that whatsoever. I'm glad I was able to get out and not have any kids by that man tbh.

carolizine · 2020-12-11T17:33:50+00:00

Not a mom but when I was with my LVM and begging him to please help out around MY house more (I paid the bills too, yep) he flat out told me “you’d be doing the same amount of work if I wasn’t here so what’s the difference?”

That’s really when I knew...but sadly I stayed another year after that 🤮🤦🏻‍♀️

mistybuttock99 · 2020-12-11T15:09:40+00:00

Wow the comments and so many similar stories :( So sad. Also - she is beautiful! Reminds me of Beth from Queens Gambit.

stxrchild · 2020-12-11T18:24:49+00:00

My aunt in a nutshell. She is 10x happier now that she’s not doing all the extra chores the woman in the video mentioned, in addition to cleaning up vomit, waking up in a wet bed, being expected to have sex with someone who can barely stand up, and having to search the house for hidden beer and Percocet.

Pudding5050 · 2020-12-11T20:46:35+00:00

If he doesn't do his part what's even the point. Then he's just more work.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2020-12-11T18:00:04+00:00

That's basically it. What she said about her ex husband reminded me of all my exes. Happy to be here now.

gummmybean · 2020-12-11T18:03:23+00:00

I felt like a weight lifted off my back for this girl

lessadessa · 2020-12-11T18:32:38+00:00

God bless this woman.

HircinesHandmaiden · 2020-12-11T19:03:19+00:00

OMG her statement about car YouTube. I feel that in my soul.

bigiftrues · 2020-12-11T19:16:21+00:00

I saw this original tiktok vid earlier on my fyp and god... the comments made my heartbreak. So many women put up with this shit, it’s insane

favoritesound · 2020-12-11T21:42:51+00:00

Oh hey, just saw a post in another subreddit about this. Top comment said basically the same thing: being a single mother is easier than her life when married to the NVM father. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/kb8eta/whats_it_like_as_a_single_parent/

missisabelarcher · 2020-12-12T01:36:31+00:00

Being a single mom isn't easy. But in all honesty it is waaaaaaaaay better than taking of a real child with the burden of a man-toddler.

I was already doing the majority of housework and childcare. And after exhausting myself "balancing" work in addition to all of that, I was also expected to have sex on demand without any romance, connection or intimacy? And then deal with gaslighting, blaming and neglect on top (lol) of all this? With not even any appreciation, attention or affection? The real question is why I put up with it for so long.

The truth is that being a single mom gave me back my life, my energy and my vitality. It's not easy but if you can take care of yourself financially, it is much more feasible -- and parenting has been way more fun and joyful -- without the dead weight of a LVM to carry.

Solution_Outrageous · 2020-12-11T20:12:14+00:00

Girl preeeaachh. I love being a single mom. The only thing I miss about living with my ex is splitting the rent, but even now I get to say everything I pay for I earn myself!

4BigData · 2020-12-12T02:31:20+00:00

Wondering if it's hard for the divorced fathers to hear how useless many of them are.

amievenreal99 · 2020-12-12T08:00:29+00:00

A man will expect you to take care of the child, give up your career, do his household, please him after work, too. He will then proceed to leave you for a younger one or "because he has so much responsibility with you after you ask him to take out the trash once", and complain if you ask for financial support for the child, because him being expected to send 50 bucks for his child living with their mum is "a woman being a golddigger". Of course, it is fully expected that she will, after she gave up on her career for him, then proceed to being not only a single mum, but poor too, because why hire a woman in her 40s with a 5 year gap in her résumé. And of course, it was expected of her to sacrifice her career for him to be able to work, because she is only there to support him, not the other way around. Women are slaves. Of course, this is in addition to the everyday disrespect, insults and abuse she is exposed to coming from him.

Now there are women who see how this is a bad trade, and would rather not have any family at all, or just be single mums, over being slaves to grown-up men. And men will get angry about these women not "giving them sex" and proceed to commit mass-shootings.

And for some reason, all of this has been accepted as completely normal.

Unfortunately, none of this is going to change, unless either no women at all put up with this bullshit anymore, or we start an actual revolution. But seeing how Tinder and OLD encourage women to be ready booty calls for lov value scrotes and women happily doing so, and other women being "empathetic" towards men killing, raping, abusing us and "understanding" the "misandry" accusation of rapists, killers and abusers and giving in to them, I can't see that happening anytime soon.

miss_tokie · 2020-12-11T20:16:50+00:00

My ex thinks that once he gets his shit together (I dont see that even happening because he already has 2 boys age 7&9 with 2 other women that won't let him around) that I am gonna move in with him so he can "spend his days with the kids and die happy". Even though I have gently and firmly told him no, I will never live under the same roof as him again. I dont even feel comfortable being alone with him because he has RAPED me. No way will I be his pretend housewife so he can see his kid at HIS own convenience and put in the least amount of effort. Get off your ass and get a job, (disability is not getting him anywhere and he is able to work), and get your life together if you want your daughter. 'Terminal' cancer or not, I will not be manipulated anymore.

Once he found out I was looking into online classes, he started flipping out cause that will make me one step closer to my independence and not have to be used by him anymore for his narcissistic supply.

carameals · 2020-12-11T18:49:01+00:00

Off topic, but she's so beautiful!!!

GalilgrlCA · 2020-12-11T22:02:10+00:00

I have never related to a post more in my life!

I divorced my man-child husband over 11 years ago for the same reasons. I did everything for our two sons as well as worked full time earning all of the money for the household while he “tried” to hold a job for more than a few weeks at a time until he finally gave up pretending and called himself a stay-at-home-dad who refused to do any of the actual duties of that job. He would take all of our money out of the bank as soon as I got paid so he had cash and I would never see any of it, I had to clean up the considerable mess he left in his wake along with all of the household and car maintenance (lawn, snow removal, general maintenance and repairs). I was so exhausted all the time and living on autopilot, never happy because I was just trying to survive.

The day I got rid of him was the happiest day of my life. A huge weight was lifted and I was back in control of my own life, and I’m still happy! I’ve been single since (maybe because I’m afraid of letting someone in and having that same miserable lifestyle repeat, but hey, at least I can admit it!)...

The biggest bonus of getting rid of the extra baggage though has been my kids. They actually get to see me as a happy, fun, loving, caring mom instead of the walking zombie just trying to make it through the day person I had become. If I can’t show my kids how to be happy through example, how will they ever learn to make the decisions for their own life to be happy?

Thank you so much for posting this and showing women out there who may be struggling through the same issues and situations that they don’t have to live like that. We have infinitely more power than we often allow ourselves to believe.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-12-12T15:34:17+00:00

This video is truth and fire. 🔥 The scrotes are mad and reporting like crazy.

UnapologeticWife · 2020-12-11T22:48:42+00:00

This one hit home 🙌🏼

2020-12-11T18:58:56+00:00

The kids kept me in an abusive marriage for years.

looking-for-freedom1 · 2020-12-12T05:25:11+00:00

I was a lurker on FDS from my old account but unfortunately other subreddit users will harass you if they find out that you are part of FDS community. I finally decided to open a new account because I need the support, knowledge and good advice from this sub. I’m going through a divorce and I hope we can get along and continue co-parenting without that much problems.

justforfds · 2020-12-12T19:34:53+00:00

Good on you. I wish I'd realized earlier I could just leave!

FDSxMuffinVSrat · 2020-12-12T23:50:38+00:00

He was basically a liability.

wigsnatcher42 · 2020-12-12T20:40:21+00:00

Yep. I noticed this as a child (thanks, church Aunties), which is why I stay single and childfree.

It's also why so many men are threatened by women who are single and childfree lol

2020-12-19T04:29:18+00:00

I’m not even a single mom and I feel that

Levelupmama · 2020-12-21T05:07:53+00:00

Tbh I feel this. Most relationships feel like trash and having a kid to take care of plus life, is hard enough.

Title	She realized she’s basically single but with more chores
Author	cicerii
Upvotes	4258
Comments	212
Date	December 11, 2020 2:41 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kb406u/she_realized_shes_basically_single_but_with_more/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/she-realized-shes-basically-single-but-with-more.731709 https://theredarchive.com/post/731709

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