💯% true for me.

Bbqchilifries · 2021-03-16T21:21:16+00:00

Eh. I wouldn't let all of my guard down.

I had a gay friend in college who would poke my boobs all the time.

After 4 years he told me he was actually bi..ten years later he has a wife and two kids.

hoIds_up_spork · 2021-03-16T22:00:00+00:00

[deleted]

Bubbly-Risk-3758 · 2021-03-16T21:02:52+00:00

This is why, while it's disrespectful and fetishizes gay men, I kind of understand where women are coming from when they say things like "my gay best friend" or are really excited when meeting gay men. They're happy they know a man that they feel comfortable with. They're appreciating a male presence in their life that they don't have it be afraid of. They can finally relax.

My best friend is a gay man and there are a lot of gay men my social circle as well, and while I would never say fetishize them or say "omg my best friend is gay!" I feel so close to him and trust him so much, something I've rarely ever felt with hetero male friends.

Affectionate-Rush893 · 2021-03-17T02:22:58+00:00

Until a gay man fondles your chest out of nowhere and when you get angry he tells you you're not allowed to be mad because he's gay and not a threat to you, even though he just sexually assaulted you. In front of other people who are taking his side

r4nd0m-u53r · 2021-03-16T22:02:19+00:00

My gay male friend is my biggest advocate for being a HVW he is always telling me to "block and delete" at the SLIGHTEST sign of disrespect. He has spent the last year drilling into my head all the same principles that FDS is about. He constantly reminds me my time is valuable so don't waste it on LVM.

_queeeen_ · 2021-03-17T01:14:25+00:00

I mean maybe. He might not rape me. But he can still wield some toxic misogyny at me. I’ll still vet to see if he’s friend material.

BasieSkanks · 2021-03-16T21:14:45+00:00

All my male friends are gay. And they’re pretty solid as allies.

StrawberryMoon3 · 2021-03-17T02:45:24+00:00

My hyper vigilance doesn't reduce. All men are taught to exploit women for their personal gain. Just because he's not attracted to women, doesn't really mean much to me. I still remember how the ghey community treated Britney Spears, Madonna, Lana Del Rey and many more of their female "faves".

maraslove · 2021-03-17T02:23:20+00:00

Uh... idk. I’ve actually ran into some very creepy 100% gay males in my life. Many are also misogynistic as hell. Honestly.... I just don’t trust males period. Doesn’t matter the orientation. I don’t feel safe with anyone.

Kompottkopf · 2021-03-16T21:30:31+00:00

I have had many friendships with men. Close, best friend situations.

Many of them were ruined because the guy fell in love. Ruined because I, as the proud lesbian woman that I only recently accepted myself to be, would of course not share the sentiment and had to turn him down.

It is devastating to have your best friend suddenly not talk to you anymore because he got feelings and you let him down and now he pulls back. It's an absolutely understandable reaction on their part - yet being on the receiving end of this, several times even, is soul crushing.

Without having done anything wrong, I lost my best friend and had to cope and had to continue my life without them. Of course none of them came back after they dealt with their emotions.

The only two times it did not happen was with my highschool best friend (who is also gay) and my current best friend, who knows I am a lesbian, who is otherwise engaged romantically and whom I have talked with this about extensively.

Rewindsunshine · 2021-03-16T22:56:22+00:00

I can’t say I agree with this. I used to hit up the LBQT+ clubs with my lesbian sister, her girlfriend & my gay friends & the rudeness from gay and/or bisexual men was ridiculous. I had guys straight grabbing my crotch and I never even so much as looked at them. Eventually it became too uncomfortable for me and I stopped going. There was this vibe of “anything goes” with that crowd and I wasn’t having it. If they figured out I was straight my treatment was even worse. Definite shade thrown my way. My guard is up 100% if I am in public. That’s just how it is.

Aocwannabe · 2021-03-16T23:09:21+00:00

Hmmm. I’m wary. I’ve met too many gay men (especially white gay men) that reproduce misogynistic behavior. “Sex and the City” & Marc Cherry...

Fun_Tangerine4494 · 2021-03-17T00:10:19+00:00

Unfortunately some men pretend to be gay to get women to let their guard down. I learned this unfortunate behavior from an ex of mine that’s proud of how fast the girls let him feel their breasts when he pretended to be gay. So gross.

LikelyWriting · 2021-03-16T22:30:03+00:00

[removed]

MadameDestruction · 2021-03-16T23:50:56+00:00

Indeed, gay men come across to me as less threatening or dangerous. It is also nice to be seen as just a friend, and not some object or thing to be conquered. However, they can be just as sexist. A personally close example is my younger brother who's gay and regularly brings up sexist video games, movies and memes. He's a weeb and when he was a few years younger told me his favorite genre is ecchi (que weeks of him playing big breasted lolita girls in bikini on the living room tv). It's like he's so uninterested in girls it made him overall just ignorant and unbothered by anything misogynistic. And everytime I try to educate him on it he just tells me I should look past the sexism and enjoy the video game/show...

Another thing that some gay men I know do that kind of annoys me is that sometimes they think their sexuality means that we immediately have a lot more in common and they know what's it like to be a woman. They usually don't mean it mean-spirited but literally the only thing we have in common is an attraction to men; why the fuck do they reduce all of womanhood to being attracted to men.

This post also made me think more deeply about how you have that trope about women being excited about having "a gay best friend!!" while you don't really have an equivalent in which the genders are reversed and men say things like "my lesbian best friend". Rather, I think it's more common of a thing that when a lesbian is with male friends, those men often see her as something they can fix. Like I hear "she just hasn't found the right guy yet, I should get her into bed and change her mind" a lot more often from men talking about lesbians, than I have ever heard a woman say that to their 'gay best friend'. So it's either "my dick can cure her", or they just want to see porn girls making out... Suddenly, that trope about girls saying 'my gay best friend' honestly doesn't sound so bad anymore in my opinion.

funky_worms · 2021-03-16T22:29:35+00:00

i just had to cut a guy ive been talking to off because of a few weird comments he was making here and there. I thought at first i was being overly hyper-vigilant but then he made a “step sis” comment today. I’m pretty disappointed. but whatever

s_slayer · 2021-03-17T02:57:59+00:00

My best friend of most of my life is a gay man, but some gay men hate women and have even assaulted them (as I was). I just think it’s important to acknowledge that men are still men and can be aggressive even if gay. I do feel much safer around them as a whole but recognize some do dislike women. It’s dangerous territory to stereotype this way.

sleepykittn · 2021-03-17T02:50:49+00:00

If gay men put in effort to make women comfortable why cant straight men? Its their own fault that we are hypervigilant and we dont deserve to live like this with our guard always up just minding our own business. I just dont understand the men that say they shouldnt have to do anything like cross the other side of the street or resort to saying how its not equality or something. Yeah dude, 1 in 3 so fuck right off and show some decency. Not all men, but its still men.

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-03-17T07:50:16+00:00

As a teen, I was attacked, nearly strangled and nearly raped by a psycho whom everyone believed was gay at the time. It's why I accepted his invitation to do my laundry at his apartment when I was traveling. I believed he was safe. But as soon as I got in the door, he wrapped a leather belt around my neck and shoved me onto a sofa.

But just to prove that the point of the post is still generally true, I managed to kick the would be rapist six feet across the floor using a very clever self defense maneuver taught to me by a tiny gay ballet dancer. My dancer friend told me to swing my legs around the shoulders of an assailant in the rape position, let them get in close and then snap my legs straight like a jackknife.

Worked better than expected. I could hear the air forced out the psycho's lungs when he landed on his ribs on the other side of the room. Big guy too-- fell that much harder. He was too winded to give chase and I flew out the door. Thank God there was no dead bolt.

Remember that gay men are still men and vet accordingly.

ConfusedMegladon · 2021-03-17T03:05:36+00:00

I can definitely relate to letting my guard down, knowing that they're not pretending to be my friend b/c they want something more.

Interesting-Bat3992 · 2021-03-17T07:21:06+00:00

Now sit back and watch how men will falsely claim to be gay so as to avoid repercussions for their action.

ferociouslycurious · 2021-03-17T01:01:54+00:00

I remember in college wondering why the guys I knew were almost always homophobic but none of the women seemed to be. Was it politeness on the women’s part? Nope. We didn’t see gay men or lesbians as a threat. You find out a guy’s gay, you breathe a sigh of relief. Men know what guys are like, though. They were preemptively worried about their own personal safety. And also offended that lesbians wouldn’t be interested in them. At least those are the conclusions I drew.

Wiggy_Bop · 2021-03-17T12:38:57+00:00

I don’t think straight men care about the extent of this.

Imaginary-Driver-767 · 2021-03-17T16:49:07+00:00

What’s stopping straight men from saying they’re gay to get you into a false sense of security, I know most of them are homophobic but still? I wouldn’t be too quick to let my guard down.

ceramicunicorn · 2021-03-17T00:46:03+00:00

For all the comments describing negative experiences with gay men, I mean, no demographic is a monolith. I’ve been groped more times by women I did not know than I have by gay men, with the “we’re both girls” excuse. I will say that any groping I’ve experienced by gay men or women has been in a party setting, with alcohol involved. You’re in that setting and as a woman, you pretty much have to be vigilant with all strangers.

At the end of the day, there’s no perfectly safe group, but on the whole, I’ve found women (regardless of orientation) and gay men to be safer bets on the whole. And I also feel like with that demographic, it’s gotten a lot better in the last few years in terms of understanding consent.

This also reminds me of a story where my tall but not exactly jacked male friend was publicly wearing a tight fitting costume which is not the norm for him, and a larger man was following him making comments about his butt. He made it close to 30 years of life before having this experience and it made him feel really gross. He said, “Oh my God, this is what it’s like?” I said “Yep, at least a few times a month of that. Before MeToo, a few times a week!”

toredtimetraveller · 2021-03-17T12:07:07+00:00

That is very true, my only male friend now is a gay man. He's always been nice to me and respectful and doesn't expect sexual gifts i return since he doesn't like women sexually. There was never any drama since the day i met him a couple of years ago til today, he's always supportive and understanding and doesn't need me to be always present in his life in anyway, we just talk whenever we need eachother or have some free time to hang out. It's like friendship with one my girls and it's peaceful.

My decision to stop being friends with straight/bisexual men was when I realised most of them are sexist misogynists in disguise, or "nice guys" waiting for my relationship to end so they can comfort me in exchange of sexual pleasure.

I never had a friendship with a straight man that I didn't have to be extra careful in dealing with them because I have to be afraid of "leading them on" and friendzoning them, because apparently being nice and considerate of your friend is considered leading him on.

New_Article7411 · 2021-03-17T12:50:31+00:00

This will inspire straight men to tell women they are gay. Not that they haven't been doing that before.

VivaLaSea · 2021-03-17T00:30:13+00:00

This is so accurate, my closes male friend is gay.
I don’t even really have any straight male friends.

toredtimetraveller · 2021-03-17T12:07:19+00:00

That is very true, my only male friend now is a gay man. He's always been nice to me and respectful and doesn't expect sexual gifts i return since he doesn't like women sexually. There was never any drama since the day i met him a couple of years ago til today, he's always supportive and understanding and doesn't need me to be always present in his life in anyway, we just talk whenever we need eachother or have some free time to hang out. It's like friendship with one my girls and it's peaceful.

My decision to stop being friends with straight/bisexual men was when I realised most of them are sexist misogynists in disguise, or "nice guys" waiting for my relationship to end so they can comfort me in exchange of sexual pleasure.

I never had a friendship with a straight man that I didn't have to be extra careful in dealing with them because I have to be afraid of "leading them on" and friendzoning them, because apparently being nice and considerate of your friend is considered leading him on.

Smolfrend · 2021-03-17T06:45:04+00:00

We typically let our guard down around gay men because we can talk to each other like people rather than worry about if he just sees you as a fuckable object and if he's dangerous if you don't acquiesce.

breadandbunny · 2021-03-17T06:46:15+00:00

He has a good understanding of why women are so cautious. It's too bad this isn't the case in general.

ButterShies · 2021-03-17T07:13:35+00:00

Not to be rude, but gay men often go over my boundaries, touch me too much (often my breasts) and often are hyper sexual regardless about my relationships. They often are as sexist as straight men as well. I haven’t had the best experiences. Imo, men are men. Just bcs they aren’t attracted to women, doesn’t mean they can do whatever

f0rnow · 2021-03-17T16:12:40+00:00

1st week of University in a foreign country, I thought the guy was gay, he was super effeminate. He SA me in a dark room full of people. (we were watching a movies, so no one noticed). My guard stays UP regardless of sexual orientation.

Title	💯% true for me.
Author	cinderella_rising
Upvotes	4520
Comments	157
Date	March 16, 2021 8:53 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/m6j4aa/true_for_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/true-for-me.779299 https://theredarchive.com/post/779299

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