What's a 🚩red flag you encountered this week?

ButterfliesHurricane · 2021-08-07T15:23:55+00:00

Guy texting regularly while at work and barely during evenings and weekends

Technical_Moth248 · 2021-08-07T20:49:48+00:00

A widower in one of my grief groups reached out and asked if I would be interested in speaking to him. I said sure because he didn't seem too bad, although he was at least 35 so I knew I would not date him if that was what he was trying.

We had a chat that night and he asked me some odd and invasive questions about my late husband (I'm a really young widow so I get it, but it got weird. We're a big target for scammers anyway) and then he made a comment about how my chronic illness wasn't a good enough reason for my husband to "let" me be a housewife and that he would expect me to earn my keep LOL. He literally could not stand that my husband paid for everything, made sure I had anything I wanted, and showered me with affection.

I politely told him we were not going to speak anymore and he seemed surprised that I rejected him (??? You spent the last 20 minutes implying I'm a selfish liar and a gold digger) and got very upset that I would not continue the conversation. He sent a message after which was "I thought you might be interesting but you get mad too easily and can't take a joke."

Catch me over here crying in a home I own while being taken care of financially for life because my husband loved me and planned ahead for anything 😭 I don't know how I'll stand to miss out on this man that was definitely going to be my true love 😢

(He was also reported and booted from the group 😊)

catlady4u · 2021-08-07T15:08:57+00:00

None, because I had no interactions with any men this week.

shinyjewels · 2021-08-07T17:10:29+00:00

I was meeting up with a bunch of old HS friends and their significant others. I brought my boyfriend, who happened to go to the same elite university as one of my HS friends. And afterwards, she says to me "shinyjewels, how did you manage to get HIM?" Made me feel kinda weird ngl...

One_Bat_2525 · 2021-08-07T19:19:32+00:00

Having some work done in my house. The contractor asks if my husband is home to ask him something about wiring. I asked why they couldn’t just ask me considering I hired them. I hate how tradesmen do this. Not cool.

Another scrote I encountered this week was my Uber driver. “Are you single? Are you looking for a husband?”

Fuck off.

ComprehensiveAmoeba9 · 2021-08-07T18:50:06+00:00

A guy who seemed decent at first showed me a picture of something on his phone and I saw he had kik notification icons in the top right corner (he has an android). No one uses kik in 2021 unless they have something to hide because the messages disappear after logging out. It was very off putting

jugularlemonade · 2021-08-07T16:52:21+00:00

A guy tried to tell me that saying porn is bad for men’s view of women is the same as saying video games are bad for them

dancinqqq · 2021-08-07T23:34:51+00:00

Wasn’t last week but two weeks ago. I was at the bars with my girlfriend and two mutual guy friends and a man approached me from his group. Im 21 and the group of guys seems around 23-25 range. He state: “my friend is a little shy but thinks ur absolutely beautiful, blah blah blah” i quickly respond that i have a boyfriend but thanked him for the compliment...

Just before i could turn around back to my group, the man that approached me yells over to his group: “she has a boyfriend!” The man who i assume was the one that was “shy” lifted his hand and shows his RING FINGER, WITH A WEDDING RING ON IT. Basically noting to me: “so? Im married” I was so disgusted. I told my girl friend and we immediately left that bar and avoided them the rest of the night. : , )

That poor woman who is married to that sack. Made me feel for her that her man is on the look out to sleep with other people while she is probably at home waiting for him

hyperjinxx · 2021-08-07T20:08:18+00:00

Male coworker said my idea was “cute” 🤬 Sir would you say that to your male counterpart? Fuckin nah dude.

agonyandhope · 2021-08-07T21:58:14+00:00

New coworker admited he waits for women to go wash their things in the work kitchen so he can drop his cup or etc in the sink so they wash it for him. Says it's because it's been so cold lately where we live and work does not have hot water in the sinks, I wonder who washes his hands for him after he goes to the bathroom.

GiraffeLibrarian · 2021-08-07T17:27:41+00:00

“I’m going out tonight, you can come if you want”

I don’t want to go out with someone who is incapable of explicitly asking me for a proper date. It makes me feel like an inconvenience.

frustratedmarxistfem · 2021-08-08T01:57:39+00:00

Guy on a date felt a compulsion to show me that his ex was "crazy" and called him 84 times. This is, of course, crazy. But why did he show me and why is she doing this? What did he do for this to occur? There isn't a crazed pickme in existence that wasn't made that way by a man. And why show me? So I'd know someone desperately wants him.

orangechickengeneral · 2021-08-07T18:57:16+00:00

This man was sharing how he doesn't believe in taking care of his health "bEcAuse wE aLl wIlL diE oNe dAy" (red flag No 1) but that his neighbor's hairstylist's former boyfriend's mechanic's twice-removed cousin uncle dad recommended he sees this male doctor who is a medical prodigy, so the man listened and made an appointment.
Whilst totally ignoring multiple pleas from the women in his family to start taking care of himself and to please have at least an annual checkup.

MsWriteNow07 · 2021-08-07T21:33:26+00:00

The words “you think”. I just realized, they never proceed anything good. It’s always either an intentional misunderstanding of your point, e.g. “you think women are always angels and men are evil!” or it’s some challenging of your standards, “what makes YOU THINK you deserve this job, that house, this life?” The person already knows what you think, they’re just questioning your right to think it. I first heard it when I heard men talking about Simone Biles. “What makes her think she’s the best?” She doesn’t think anything, it’s a proven fact by medal and records. And then I started to hear it everywhere. “What makes women think they don’t need a man?” “I don’t like women who think they’re entitled to XYZ.” When a man puts the words “you” and “think” or “women” and “think” in the same sentence, be prepared for some bull. If someone truly wants to know what you think, they will ask you, they will not make a declarative sentence assuming. That’s rude.

SkiesEclipse · 2021-08-07T16:26:00+00:00

Dad told my sister she should wear makeup in a video she is sending in to work. She’s never worn makeup in her life. But I already knew he was a NVM decades ago.

mamadgaf · 2021-08-07T15:48:34+00:00

Less of a red flag and more of a thank-Lilith-I-don’t-have-to-live-with-this-anymore (not sure what color that flag is). I have to coparent with my abusive ex-husband and we had a coparenting therapy session last week. He whined that I was vilifying him for taking about something THAT HE DID (fortunately our therapist stepped in and confirmed I was not vilifying him, but simply having a conversation - he literally can’t tell the difference), then he started accusing me of ridiculous things I didn’t do because he can’t stand that he doesn’t have complete control over me, and especially how I spend my money. He tries so hard to reclaim control over it and I just ignore him and do what I want. It makes him crazy!!

That’s the only interaction I had with a man this week, which was more than enough for me.

onceuponasea · 2021-08-08T01:29:19+00:00

Slightly off topic but I was listening to a Jordan Peterson speech where he literally was saying "get the hell out of your mom's basement and make something of yourself, you cheeto dust covered creatin". Most of his message is "grown the hell up" but of course LVM are going to somehow project that onto women. Dude may have women analyzed wrong but he sure knows how men are. Lol.

coursesand · 2021-08-07T14:54:55+00:00

Guy says he wants to take me out to dinner. But he asks me out 3 hours before. I tell him no. He says he will “be better about planning in advance.” Then I hear nothing so I tell him “hey I don’t do last minute plans so since you haven’t planned anything, I’m no longer interested.” He swoops in with “oh no I really want to take you out! How about tomorrow?” LOL if I have to remind you to take me out, it’s a NO. I just blocked him after that. I seriously can’t believe there are women out there that would have rearranged their plans for a guy like that.

Angeli_33 · 2021-08-07T21:44:02+00:00

When I told a male coworker I'm going on a trip and he kept pestering me to do a lot of work and I finally said "I can't, I'm flying tonight" and instead of wishing me a safe trip abroad, he replies with "hmm ok". Like wtf? That is so bizarre.

thepsychopathhunter · 2021-08-08T02:16:15+00:00

A TikToker with a sizable platform made a video criticizing an LVM. I followed him and he immediately followed me back - which he only does with a handful of followers. I had an instinct because this has happened to me before (a larger TikToker follows me back and I happen to be part of the small handful he follows) and of course his following list is filled with sexy women just like those other TikTokers. This usually happens with LVM.

Then he uploads a video criticizing a woman for unmatching guys who ask her out for coffee dates. I immediately unfollowed him and removed him as a follower. How dare he think after criticizing those scrotes that women should settle for coffee dates? He has NO fucking clue what women risk - abuse, rape, murder - any time they decide to date - yet he rattles on about women’s rights because he knows it gives him woke points.

What scares me is that my first instinct was actually right about him — I judged him based on his appearance at first (bald, bearded, has a weird pic of himself on the background🤢) and only followed him because I thought maybe he really does believe in his criticism of LVM.

Nope. He’s just white knighting and pretending to be on women’s side while holding misogynistic ass beliefs. He’s hoping to score with way hotter women than him on TikTok by criticizing LVM and gain a following for his shitty podcast on dating. Of course.

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-08-07T16:04:16+00:00

Self proclaimed MaLe DoM negged me over four hours in some desperate attempt to get my attention. Why are they so fragile?

PigeonCities · 2021-08-08T07:11:19+00:00

Didn’t specify a meeting time for a date, just said “in the afternoon” 🚩

When I asked him at 5 in the afternoon what was up, he said he’d forgot (even though we’d made plans a day before) because he’d been playing video games. 🚩🚩🚩

my feelings for him just about shrivelled up and died in that moment. nothing less attractive than someone who doesn’t make you feel wanted. unfortunate, but not happening again.

TellCerseeItWasMe · 2021-08-07T17:37:16+00:00

I follow this feminist page on Instagram. They posted an end of week slide with 10 videos. Video 3 was a gay man talking about how he believes straight men hate women. And giving examples.

I made a comment agreeing because I read an article on how men's relationship with women is homoerotic & all about how other men perceive them. Never about the women they date.

And a Scroty McScrotoson decided that I was missing his vapid intellectual argument that can be boiled down to "not all men". Then asks me to DM him for clarity. Proceeds to stalk my page & try to message me lol

I don't understand why he was so bothered. I basically just lol'ed and moved on.

waddamelone · 2021-08-08T00:59:32+00:00

Guy wanted to date me soooo bad. Finally warmed up to the idea and have time. Now he’s just going along with any and everything I say. Maybe in fear of hurting my feelings? Idk what the fuck he’s trying but I deleted him. It’s pissing me off because I was actually a bit hesitant (because of my own insecurities), still gave him my time of day and now this. Ugh. 🥴💀

SMansdotter · 2021-08-08T03:58:20+00:00

Saw my bff and her boyfriend for the first time in over six months (they live in another country)...

I observed a lot of green flags too, but I just can't shake this one thing...

She was constantly initiating physical contact with him; holding hands... stroking his back and arms... arm around his shoulders or midriff...

and he didn't once initiate physical contact with her.

DivaPeaches · 2021-08-07T16:12:39+00:00

When I saw a FB comment my child left about "Who gets fed first...the husband or the children?" Once again, I saw a side of my child that is not good and that he is a product of mating Out of Season with a NVM. (Sigh...😐🥃🚬)

Wild_Artio · 2021-08-08T00:11:16+00:00

“I’ve been in open relationships since my twenties.”

“I’m a good listener, tell me about your day.”

“I’m either always horny or yearning, is that unusual?”

Ok-Appearance5982 · 2021-08-08T01:41:25+00:00

I watched Love is blind after the alter. Damian had the audacity to triangulate two women who are out of his league. Unfortunately the women are pickme’s. One is giving me “cool girl” energy and the other one is so focused on the outcome of love and marriage that she’s not putting her well-being first. Also Diamond’s date is hot but I saw the red flags from their first encounter.

cherrypepsilvr · 2021-08-08T02:55:15+00:00

A guy negging me because I don't have tattoos. Twice he asked me "But don't you want any?!"

No I don't, fuck off. He had grey teeth as well.

Shermaow · 2021-08-08T13:06:29+00:00

I was downtown at the park (cute doggos and getting my steps in) when a girl approached me and asked to use my phone. Realized there was a guy behind me and I was literally in the middle of a domestic dispute. He screamed some names at her and stormed off and I offered her a ride since she was super distraught. She told me he’d hit her but “he’s really sweet when he’s sober”. I tried to give her a lot of the advice I’ve found here and gave her my number in case she ever needed help again. She called me after I dropped her off to say she blocked him on everything so I hope she stays strong. 🤞💕 Not really my red flags, but I got to point them out to someone else.

lostmillenia · 2021-08-08T13:46:04+00:00

Bf said on the way home he was listening to Joe Rogan podcast.

Driving at night a car with high beams was coming at us. He said something at them like "hey watch it sweetheart" I was like, "how did you know that driver was a girl? That's a little sexist."

HE GOT SOMAD. He HATES when i bring up stuff like that. That I "make a problem" by even commenting that he did that. That wasnt even like any sort of real big complaint.

But he got SO DEFENSIVE.

Im "ruining the relationship" with my feminist stuff. Really though, Im coming into my own and finally seeing our pickme brainwashed culture.

And seeing him as he is.

That he cant handle deeper relationships or conversations. He wants a surface level relationship. This situation (living together) is too serious for a man who cant be serious (overreacting, refuses therapy both individual and couple, scoffs at getting a vasectomy).

Finding him a new place to live in this economy is so fucked. Dont move your boyfriend in ladies. Avoid 5050 men. If it goes south you will be in horrible limbo. It is so awkward. You will be both together/not together. Yes, he's such a victim.

Ps (edit) and according to him I get handed everything. He's so jealous.

Astral_weaver · 2021-08-07T16:25:46+00:00

Guy hitting on me while traveling with my cockatiel. -Having this cute a** with me is the perfect conversation starter.

Proceeds to tell me he lowkey doesn't like cats.🚩 Then he gives me his insta and I realize that he is in the army. 🚩

No thanks.

Superb-Cancel9071 · 2021-08-08T00:51:42+00:00

A male work superior with a very pregnant wife (who he referred to as "Preggers") got generic raffle prizes for the company bbq EXCEPT FOR ONE that he announced was for me specifically.

Pickme me woulda been like 😍 but FDS me is like 😬

Sakurablossom90 · 2021-08-08T03:16:32+00:00

My ex screaming, shouting and stamping his feet infront of our child.....oh wait that's more like a neon billboard I suppose.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2021-08-07T17:53:19+00:00

I went to a baseball game this week to watch my hometown team. At one point I left my section briefly to get a pic of all the fans to send to a friend back home. This scrote walks up from the side (so I didn't notice him until he was right next to me), sticks his hand out in front of me, and says "hi I'm John." Ok and? Are we just skipping the part where you crack a joke or make a connection before making introductions? It felt like he was attempting to rely on my social conditioning to force physical contact and a conversation.

And of course he was shorter than me, balding, 10-15 years older, and at least 70 lbs overweight. 🤡

solstice100 · 2021-08-07T18:41:50+00:00

Just noticing that a new handsome and single coworker who had been flirting with me all week follows tfmgirls, Ben Shapiro, and a number of hardcore conservative accounts. Yeah, no thanks.

Ever since FDS, I’ve been 100% refraining from hookups. Said co-worker and I met at a work conference, and we were all at the bar during the last night. We were hanging out together all night and I’m so grateful to my drunk, oblivious self that I didn’t pursue anything physical with him.

sassyheather · 2021-08-07T15:32:35+00:00

Absolutely none because I am down with covid and quarantined with my lovely HVM. He makes my days great. 🥰

BusinessTwistofLime · 2021-08-07T19:09:08+00:00

When you leave for the bathroom and come back to the table, the date is "looking at their finances" on their phone, but the phone screen is easily viewable (laid flat out on the table rather than being held up privately).

I dunno about you, but I'm not looking at my bank accounts out in public.

jupitarianrise · 2021-08-07T14:51:32+00:00

A man who seemed high-value shared Jordan Belfort’s (the wOlF oF waLL sTreEt 🐺) latest post on his feed. It was disappointing. Now I can’t help but see him as a clown.

2021-08-07T19:42:09+00:00

A guy said I look cute without make up. Stfu scrote, my man bought the make up I wear. No one gives a shit about your opinion.

sleepysiri · 2021-08-07T16:58:35+00:00

Literally same, except it wasn’t a coworker, it was this other member in a beach club I’m a part of. He was attractive, seemed outgoing and whatnot. Then I hear him mention Jordan Peterson and that was it. The other day I was online stalking a mutual network connection because I saw a video of him and thought he was handsome. Found his Reddit and looked through his comments history and lo and behold he listens to Joe Rogan’s podcast. What a bummer.

Maingurl · 2021-08-08T03:36:22+00:00

Long story short, I work at a school and we started working on our yearly training. The staff got together to have a small potluck to get to know each other etc.

We did a couple of ice-breakers and we were all having a blast...but then Teacher A went overboard and destroyed Teacher B's classroom equipment. Teacher A disguised it as a joke but I knew that shit was passive-aggressive... I'm starting to feel some type away about working with him.

Practical_Appearance · 2021-08-07T17:19:39+00:00

A guy telling me he is "temporarily" staying with his parents while he decide what to do with his career. Sir, you are 35. No

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-08-07T14:51:38+00:00

Not Jordan Peterson. Ugh.

hollythorn101 · 2021-08-08T14:41:52+00:00

Chatting with one of my coworkers, somehow joking around and flirting ended up with him saying about his dick, “In case you’re wondering, mine is bigger.” Same guy also is very close with a woman from his hometown that he INSISTS he’s not interested in dating.

While flirting is fun, this showed me all the red flags as to why he’s single… I need to enforce my boundaries better to keep him away.

Throwawaysealove96 · 2021-08-08T19:56:57+00:00

A man asked me out on a dinner date and I replied, saying yes, but let’s switch the day. We were planning it at the time. He didn’t respond for several days.

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2021-08-07T19:41:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

JesusisKingisLord · 2021-08-10T17:29:37+00:00

I love this thread.

Mine is a random man who was trying to holler at the grocery store telling me he was a sex worker. Then saying he was joking but hoped we could get to know each other. Hard pass.

caromaro23 · 2021-08-15T21:49:57+00:00

Busy everyday til 8pm even on the weekends

Japanese-Spaghetti · 2021-09-29T02:18:56+00:00

Not gonna lie, I agree with pretty much everything Jordan Peterson says. He says a lot of good things that are FDS related (he is anti-porn, against sex before commitment, pro monogamy, pro marriage, anti hook up culture, etc.), so I think we need to stop shutting him out. I really like him, don’t know what your coworker quoted though.

Bratsociety · 2021-11-02T03:47:19+00:00

"So why are you on here if you're so busy with work all the time"

"Bored at work haha"

unmatch bye loser

Title	What's a 🚩red flag you encountered this week?
Author	TellCerseeItWasMe
Upvotes	306
Comments	147
Date	August 7, 2021 2:42 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ozui0a/whats_a_red_flag_you_encountered_this_week/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/whats-a-red-flag-you-encountered-this-week.822055 https://theredarchive.com/post/822055

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