Getting divorced turns men into slaves

ThatCoolBlackGuy · 2013-12-18T18:15:34+00:00

Yeah, this is why logical women show up here. Because we see our men; boyfriends, husbands, lovers, sons, grandsons and brothers, treated shamefully. We love our men, which is a very different way of seeing men than the current feminist view of them as enemies.

I have worked in traditionally male jobs for more than 30 years, and not once experienced the kind of theoretical enmity that modern feminism imposes upon men with in their detached and virtual theories of patriarchal blah hegemony yadda. In the field, those theories fall apart when we see how men are actually treated and vilified.

You're probably talking to younger people; a college age set who has little interaction with real life outside their ivory tower with its theories. You need new people to talk to--older women friends who have experience with actual life or younger people who see what an increasingly feminized and femcentric society is trying to do to our men.

It's a shame your current circles won't listen to facts of what actually occurs over their negative thinking, but look how hate speech perpetuates, that your boyfriend is the enemy and its 'all his fault'. That pervasive mindset has taken over the modern feminist movement and is why I became an egalitarian instead.

Terry_Bruce_Dick · 2013-12-18T17:35:44+00:00

It's certainly true, but it's not divorce, it's the marriage.

j5c077 · 2013-12-18T17:51:20+00:00

how much time does he have with the child?

i believe it varies by state, but i can tell you in my experience where i live, if he gets more time with his child, the support will be reduced. i cut my child support in half by moving from 70/30 to 50/50

uncommonman · 2013-12-18T16:55:52+00:00

Do you work? Do you two live together?

madlyinhate · 2013-12-18T20:49:10+00:00

It sucks. I pay child support to someone who not only makes the same salary I do, but is married to someone making a huge salary. However it's not the responsibility of the step-parent to pay child support, nor should they be considered in the calculation.

It goes both ways too. If my wife makes a ton of money, I don't want her income being considered to pay my child support.

It's all broken. The whole system (USA for me specifically). Random thoughts:

Does it really cost double what I pay her to take care of a child?
There is no accountability for the money. The custodial parent can spend it in whatever way they please.
Once you get a payment locked in, it's near-impossible to adjust it downwards in case of losing your job.
Your ex can take you to court repeatedly for any reason and you have to pay the court costs. Just the mere threat of legal involvement is enough to get cash-strapped men to back down.
Non-custodial parents are responsible for all medical insurance.
NC parents have to pay all travel expenses.

In my case, the decision on custody was made many years before we even got married. The judge that sat our case was retired but with a long history of awarding lopsided judgements to women.

I had my ex dead to rights. I flew in witnesses from around the country. I had emails and texts written by her clearly showing her abusive and manipulative behavior. I had audio recordings of her threatening me, screaming at me, and bragging about her "single life" after she forced me out of the house with a court order. I even had a photo of her trying to force our daughter to drink a beer.

I had witnesses and evidence of her awful behavior and people testifying to my good character. She had absolutely nothing except herself and her lawyer in the courtroom. She got around all of that by making every word out of her mouth a lie.

The judge didn't just award her full custody and child support:

Restricted visits for the first 90 days. I could not have my daughter spend the night nor have her away for more than two hours at a time.
Allowed my ex to move out of the state.
I pay all travel expenses to see my daughter.
I pay for all healthcare insurance and costs
Restricted long-distance visitation for the first 3 years - I could not have her more than two weeks consecutively per year.
I paid 20% of my salary in child support
I had to give two weeks written notice of my intent to visit my daughter.

Until my daughter turned five I flew to her home out of state once per month to see her. Each time I had to get a hotel and rental car plus food expenses. In the summer I paid for three round trip tickets so I could go there and fly back with her to my home. After she turned five I paid for her flights every month to come back home.

My child support is just a small part of what was done to me. Everything else makes that insignificant in comparison. And my daughter's mother is a terrible person. But nobody cares.

choice_for_men · 2013-12-19T00:34:59+00:00

Don't put the chicken before the egg. Getting MARRIED turns men into slaves.

Davethe3rd · 2013-12-18T20:24:27+00:00

It's situations like this why we need to have a system where child support is backed up by receipts.

I have no problem with the concept of child support in and of itself. Just as there are women who fraud the system, there are those who would run out on their kids.

Raising a child is expensive as hell.

If someone wants to hold a biological parent at least financially responsible for the child, that's fine, but the need should be justified and backed up by receipts.

Also, it should be only for food, medical care, clothing, education or a small entertainment/recreation allowance (like 10%).

If it's important enough for you to have that money, then it should be important enough for you to back up your claim.

DXGypsy · 2013-12-19T01:19:39+00:00

Wow, such great advice in here.

"Get a better job."

Gee that's a piece of cake in this economy and it will fix everything, right?

How about No. You do realize don't you that if he does get a better job and earns more money, the ex will file for an increase? And she will get it because that's what fucking happens.

Lance_lake · 2013-12-19T00:15:06+00:00

I don't think I could ever consider marriage without a prenup...

UnderwearStain · 2013-12-18T17:14:08+00:00

I'm sympathetic to the percentage of income he has to pay. That is rough. However 400 wouldn't even cover half of most daycares monthly cost before the kid is 5. On average weekly tuition ranges from 150-200 per week for toddlers, closer to 250 a week for infants.

On the one hand he's giving almost everything he has. On the other he's not even close to equally sharing the cost of raising the child at all for the amount. Kids are expensive.

springy · 2013-12-18T21:26:25+00:00

Women have rights and men have responsibilities.

enticingasthatmaybe · 2013-12-18T18:35:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Whisper · 2013-12-18T21:27:12+00:00

People start caring about men paying excessive child support when it hurts the women they are with.

Our culture's definition of problem is "something that hurts a woman".

IronWolve · 2013-12-18T23:19:26+00:00

My favorite is when my co-workers or other people bitch about some ex who works full time under the table to avoid paying and this is the most common example they know.

I called my oldest boy for his birthday to make sure he got his presents. He tells me its another shitty birthday. His mother is complaining about not having any money, how she is going to pay off the house before he turns 18, and didn't even buy him a birthday cake.

I pay almost 2K a month in support.

Fuck that noise, and fuck everyone who says I should pay more in taxes or healthcare, or anything. Nothing like a reset button and starting over from scratch like divorce and child support.

notnotnotfred · 2013-12-19T02:52:54+00:00

you boyfriend may try approaching the pastor of this church and asking [him|her] to move some or all of the money back to him. He's clearly in need of the money. Tithing to the church is supposed to help people in need of the money.

vax0r976 · 2013-12-19T03:02:22+00:00

My biggest problem with child support in the US is that often times, people lose their jobs, fall behind and a lot of times cannot gain employment fast enough. All it takes is one show cause hearing to throw a man or woman in this country up to 6 months in jail at a time for a perpetual debt that cannot be discharged. To say child support isn't a debt is legal fiction . Its absolutely despicable that any given time in this country , thousands of men and women are locked away for debt under the guise of "contempt" . When you lock people up for debt, you're basically using state sponsored violence and oppression on an issue that should be a civil matter .

chavelah · 2013-12-18T19:43:15+00:00

I've heard a lot of child support horror stories - but this is not one of them. If your bf would prefer to have 50/50 custody and pay no support, and he's being denied that, then that's wrong and I sympathize greatly. But $420/month is not an unreasonable payment, and the income level of the stepfather is entirely irrelevant. Why the hell do you even know or care what he makes? It's lovely that he is generous with your bf's daughter, but that's all it is. He's not a parent. He doesn't owe you guys anything.

daulm · 2013-12-18T17:25:27+00:00

While I think that child support is a horribly applied system, I will play a bit of devil's advocate:

The child is the responsibility of the parents that agreed to bring it into the world and an arrangement for supporting the child should not be shifted to another party.

Your boyfriend's ex is a jerk for making him pay support given the situation that each of them is in and it would be nice if the legal system could develop a better method of measuring financial obligations. I can think of a new method that is realistic to implement.

I have a step daughter and my wife's ex makes just as much as I do, yet I regularly advocate further reducing what he pays because we have primary custody which is more valuable to me than money.

tankerton · 2013-12-18T16:58:53+00:00

It is obvious that you're in a state of outrage, and rightfully so. There are always loopholes in government programs with currency because money can be used for everything. Even things like foodstamps can be used for alcohol, and foodstamps aren't "real" currency.

It is unfortunate that this situation happened to your boyfriend and that he is put into a monetary hole from it. I do not know the specifics of the child-custody hearing, other than he has no custody and has to pay for child support.

Nothing can control the woman he is paying his child support to. If that money was used on actual child care (clothes, food, toys, daycare, school, savings, etc) then it is justified. If the money is going to anything else then it isn't "justice" to the child. However, there is no way to claim this with straight up money. Who knows what the woman is spending on the child? We don't. She could be spending 500$ that she/SO makes on the kid and using the additional income of child support for other things like donations to churches.

This is the difficulty in currency. It goes into a pool and "work money", "gift money", and "government money". Work money may boom one month and pay everything from bills to mortgage to child care. Gift money may buy the kid some toys in December for Christmas. Government money may pay the bills in low months and not go directly to supporting the kid other than putting a roof over their head.

It is awful that your boyfriend had to deal with the painful issues that go on with court when a child is involved with a relationship separating. It is also awful that he cannot find a way to support himself better. If I were in your position, I would attempt to empower him to learn a trade in his freetime. (programming perhaps? An internship will pay significantly more than fulltime minimum wage if he puts a few months of free time into it and after the internship he can expect to double his hourly, if he doesn't with an internship alone)

It is important to remember that his ex "got lucky" with her new SO in terms of finances. Assuming she is actually entitled to child support, it doesn't mean she is no longer entitled if she can live comfortably without it.

P.S. There are a lot worse things she can be doing than tithing.

Ninja Edit:

I just want to be clear--The claim that divorce can turn men into slaves isn't something that I can judge about yet. I am just stating that, for many reasons, I cannot get behind this argument to support the claim since it is not based in logic nor do I understand the whole situation.

mrwhibbley · 2013-12-18T19:54:29+00:00

Unfortunately I feel that the income of the new husband should not be a factor but I may be biased as I make over $9,000 a month and my stepson is with his dad 100% of the time. Neither side pays anyone anything but if we did it shuld not be out of my earnings because I am not his father.

2013-12-18T21:09:27+00:00

You could also look at this as she is giving her husband's money to the church and using his $400 on the kids.

He could always ask the husband to adopt.

A_Proud_SaiyanPrince · 2013-12-19T02:46:58+00:00

My ex gets 620 a month from me for one kid on 17%. Plus my insurance is 150 more as well to put my son on the plan, i still have to pay all that. Ill make 950 a month working 6 day weeks, holidays and weekends in a dangerous prison that specializes in treating mentally disturbed inmates. I wanted my kid as much as possible but Because i work third and my ex is recieving unemployment as well she was awarded majority placement. I have nothing on my record so much as a speeding ticket. Ive tired interviewing for multiple jobs in administration, i wrote the warden pleading for a first shift job and instead was met by EAP to ensure my stability mentally. My ex kept me from being there when he was born, she refused to give him Any part of my name. Ive been going to therapy for almost half a year and now i need anti depressants. I get texts from her telling me i am a dead beat, that her new boy friend will be called dad, that she is going to tell my son i wanted abortion when i didnt. I save all the texts. I feel like i am being punished. I serve as a volunteer at the fire dept. I stay out of trouble. I just want to be a dad. The moment she got prego she wanted nothing to do with me, she told me to prove my love by marrying her and buying us a house and let her be a stay at home mom. When i said i wasnt ready for that just yet she mentally and emotionally wrecked me until i broke up with her. Keep calm carry on. I have to try and be happy and be the best dad i can. I give up my off days to spend the little time i have with him while she goes out and Parties. But i am alive and healthy guess thats good enough for the courts.

Sasha_ · 2013-12-18T16:48:21+00:00

You should talk to the church's pastor, and ask him (or her) to explain how it's charitable to take from the poor to give to the rich.

It's like Robin Hood in reverse. I'm not surprised you're outraged.

troll-ol-ol-ol-ol · 2013-12-18T18:13:48+00:00

I can understand her frustration. I live in the States and my ex used to get $1600 in child support. I'm sorry if you get $1600 and I know your rent is only $925 and I know you don't have a car payment because I paid it off, there should be no reason for you be evicted for not paying your rent. That is my ex. She even had the audacity to ask for more even though she had a job and was still getting that amount. But because of the archaic laws that was the amount she received. And even though I had the children from 0630-2030 Monday through Friday they would not consider the time they were in my care because it wasn't "overnight". Also I had then every other weekend. Fast forward 12 years later I'm still fighting to see my kids more and making every effort to be with them. It sucks, I know. And I especially know it's hard to see your SO go through this. I was in a relationship for 6 years and she saw this first hand. She was there for me when the smallest thing would set me off when it had to do with my ex wife, but on the flipside, she let it consume her. It was extremely hard on her and I feel in some ways it definitely didn't help with our relationship. My best advice I can give to you is hang in there. It's without a doubt infuriating what the other party does just because they can and they feel entitled. But when it comes down to it just be there for your SO and make your home the best for his child(s). And yeah it's good to vent. You and your SO need some kind of outlet or else this will consume you both. Good luck, you are not alone in this fight.

rightsbot · 2013-12-18T15:56:17+00:00

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NeonGreenTiger · 2013-12-18T23:51:32+00:00

I'm in a similar situation. My ex wife and I divorced after 5 years and had one daughter. Thanks to the Georgia court system, I'm paying $1214 a month in child supprt. For 1 child. Yeah. Where as I had a lawyer in my corner, she (And this is all speculation as I haven't been able to prove anything) got a job long enough to satisfy court requirements and showed that our combined household income was like $7k a month. At no point has it ever been that. But thanks to the GA court system, it looks like it was. And then she filed that she was paying for the daycare and babysitter giving her a total monthly income of -$400. So, I get to pay that and the $800 for the base child support (off of the $7k monthly income). It will be 2 years before I can contest it. Add to that her new husband is making bank.

Brintyboo · 2013-12-19T00:05:32+00:00

But by the same token, the new husband shouldn't be held financially responsible for her/your boyfriend's kids. We need to stop making financial responsibility the man's job, hold the mother accountable. I imagine if she was actually using that money for the children you wouldn't be so mad, so maybe you can come to a different arrangement? When my parents spilt, my dad didn't pay child support, but he was in charge of my schooling and medical expenses (mum would pay for other general living expenses). That way instead of just handing over a cash amount, there was a certainty that all money was being used for my brother and I. I'm sure if this woman is handing over $400 a month to the church she must have some charity in her bones, at least talk it over.

Red0817 · 2013-12-18T22:01:41+00:00

Child support is a topic a lot of people just don't understand. They think it's to help the child all of the time. The truth is nothing close to this.

My situation, is like a lot of the men around the country, similar to your story, and difficult to swallow. Even worse, my ex wife doesn't even have the children living with her (The live with her sister, she is basically a vagabond), but the judge, knowing this, at the most recent court visit, continued the child support that I must pay her, EVEN THOUGH THE CHILDREN DO NOT LIVE WITH HER. Not her sister, but her. How fucked up is that? I'm unemployed (health issues, and I'm going to college), I have no money. Any money I do send her is from my wife's check, which takes away from our children. Yet, I still have to pay her.

Yes, most of us know the system is fucked up. But, what can we do? Take it to court? Yeah, right, been there, got threatened to be sent to jail, because I was unemployed. Take it to our politicians? Yeah right, who wants to go against child support?

tomjoadsghost · 2013-12-18T20:25:40+00:00

The fact that he is getting paid almost nothing for the work he does so that rich people can live off the profits he generates is the problem. He is a victim of class oppression, not of women or divorce.

rickroy37 · 2013-12-18T21:05:09+00:00

$420 a month in child support doesn't seem outrageous to me. But what do I know.

You should be more mad at how low your boyfriend's income is. Full time and only getting $1120 a month? That's the travesty, not the child support amount.

Valendr0s · 2013-12-18T21:07:51+00:00

So... Here's a question...

If the step father didn't feed the kids, would he be liable? Why is household income taken into account for alimony but not child support? What about if he got married to the OP, would their housthold income matter to the child support? Is this because he doesn't have equal custody?

What's the logic here? That since they're his kids and he doesn't have custody of them for a certain amount of time, then he has to subsidize the time they would be with him?

DuchessofYanks · 2013-12-18T22:53:17+00:00

My brother is in very much the same boat, two kids with his ex who is living it up with her new bf while my brother can't even afford an apartment because of how much they take from his paycheck each month. Because of this he only has 25% custody because he can't afford an apartment. His ex wife actually said that she would win because she's the mom, even after getting into trouble due to her withholding my brother's kids from him for over a year and sending them to live with HER brother because her new bf doesn't like kids. AND on top of that, we found out she defrauded the child support system by thousands of dollars. Lo and behold she gets primary custody.

Sounds cliché but the system really is biased and unfair towards men.

MTknowsit · 2013-12-19T02:41:16+00:00

Welcome to men's rights. You're going to learn a lot here.

sea_warrior · 2013-12-19T00:05:33+00:00

Maybe your boyfriend having three kids on a salary of 13,000/year was, in fact, the first mistake?

francis_hunter_brosh · 2013-12-19T03:15:13+00:00

First, how do you know what she does with the money?

Second, how much is objectively 'enough' or 'too much' to pay for your child? Take how much she may make out of the equation.

Sorry to be skeptical if it isn't appreciated, I'm just attempting to make sure this isn't outrage fodder.

uberpower · 2013-12-18T19:06:38+00:00

Non-extradition countries are useful for divorced men.

azwethinkweizm · 2013-12-18T20:36:25+00:00

You're delusional if you think family courts benefit men and women equally. I've heard of cases where a man divorces a woman he's married to, the woman ends up in a homeless shelter, and is awarded custody of their child over than man.

BrilliantDynamitesNe · 2013-12-18T22:23:52+00:00

Did you say "kids"? This is ridiculous I agree, but I have 2 and pay over $1000/month... That's including the cost of insurance.

ladysuccubus · 2013-12-18T23:53:18+00:00

Is he able to go back to court and try to get that lowered? Depending on the judge, they may be able to lower payments. Or is there some way he could put it into a fund for his children's future? Obviously none of this money is actually going to his children which is wrong! I would be pissed at my mom if I was their kid.

And that woman completely doesn't understand the concept of tithing or Christianity. It is meant to be a personal sacrifice, not a way of getting back at your ex and taking away from your own children.

Talk to him about talking to a lawyer and finding out what his options are.

MuseofRose · 2013-12-18T23:57:09+00:00

Is there any benefits and downsides to not getting married and just staying with your partner for a really long time a la Gene Simmons?

American83 · 2013-12-19T01:00:48+00:00

You're welcome. Thanks for sharing.

ahora · 2013-12-19T02:21:17+00:00

...on $700 a month, or the church who makes BILLIONS a year?

Something from you and your post simply smells... bad. I hope I'm wrong.

Al_Kemist · 2013-12-19T03:37:20+00:00

This is what I call court ordered poverty. I once heard it described as the custodial parent gets to live on retail dollars while the non-custodial lives on discount dollars. Personally, I gave up my career as a Chemical Engineer to care for my children (I worked PT and weekends at a labor job during this time). When my youngest entered Kindergarten, I tried to go back to work as an engineer, but didn't get any tech jobs. The following year I enrolled in a CompSci program, and a week later my wife filed for divorce and I was court ordered to pay more in child support than I earned. I had no choice but to drop out of school to earn enough to pay child support.

KINGCOCO · 2013-12-19T06:46:33+00:00

Your boyfriend makes $1100 a month?

Sorry for the jackass comment but isn't that less than minimum wage?

chillmonkey88 · 2013-12-19T08:25:44+00:00

I pay 400/mo for one child... I make 35000/y it's a little rough however the moral of the story is the state makes money... so who gives a shit about dad... just take the money and hold a jail sentence and public scrutiny and shame over his head and win for 18 years... - America

Killpoverty · 2013-12-19T12:05:27+00:00

No one should have to live on $700/month. Sign this. http://wh.gov/l8kgK

glguru · 2013-12-19T13:20:45+00:00

I am at a loss here. What does the mom have to contribute? So if both are working, is it only the dad who gets fucked? Also, why is it not that the person with child gets to have the responsibility of the child as well, or at least most of the financial responsibility.

PurpleAriadne · 2013-12-19T14:18:59+00:00

Your husband is definitely getting taken advantage of by his ex and the courts, there needs to be contextual application of the funds to make sure it is being spent on the kids but that invites more beauracracy.

I have an in-law who is being squeezed for every dime while his ex is supposedly taking care of the baby. She has her mom, grandfather, and brother all in the same house, she is'nt breastfeeding and she isnt working. I refuse to believe she could'nt find some work part-time.

On the flipside, my uncle used to work for collections for overdue child support payments and there would be high-profile baseball stars saying they couldnt afford their payments. It didnt become this skewed without a reason.

wweezzee · 2013-12-19T17:24:21+00:00

Does it really matter to your boyfriend? He only makes about 13,440 per year if she didn't take anything away from him...

THE FATHER OF HER KIDS LIVES IN EXTREME POVERTY BECAUSE OF WHAT SHE TAKES FROM HIM.

If the ex wife doesn't work at all, he would still be living in poverty even if he and his ex were still together with the kid.

He doesn't have a good job. With the amount he makes, he's gonna live in poverty any way you twist it.

theDarkAngle · 2013-12-18T18:15:52+00:00

You definitely came to the right place if you're looking for sympathy. Indeed, this is why the general consensus here is that men should never get married. We've created a system where women get to have their cake and eat it too, at the expense of men, and the only women who really suffer are those like you who have the misfortune of loving one of these broken men.

However, I think that your boyfriend's situation has more culprits than an unjust system of marriage/divorce. After some quick math, I'd say your boyfriend makes about minimum wage (assuming he works in the states). Part of the problem is how ridiculously low the minimum wage is.

I mean, even if he didn't have kids. It's pretty difficult to live any kind of life on $1120 a month.

I think the most productive thing you can do is try to help him improve his financial situation, either through education or just a new line of work. The child support issue is not going to go away, but at least this way he can afford to eat.

SwordfshII · 2013-12-18T21:07:34+00:00

No marriage
This is why Husbands would be able to audit child support

2013-12-18T22:00:56+00:00

While I agree with the points, I really despise sensationalist titles like this one.

Come on now.

fiat_lux_ · 2013-12-18T22:53:15+00:00

A lot of people are missing the moral angle of this problem.

The ex-wife is paying a tithing with money that includes the child support she's getting from a nearly broke father who can barely see the children.

This is entirely legal and in a way makes sense, but morally, it's a bit sketchy.

If she pays that 420 USD meant for the children and pays it off as a tithe (which traditionally about 10% of what is made, isnt supposed to cut into bare necessities. ).

If the courts deemed 420 enough to support the children, then she likely could have afforded it before child support. The tithing amount is an indicator of her abundance.

Let's take this to the extreme. She marries a millionaire who makes 240K USD per year. The amount paid as tithe is 20k per month. That much is afforded because of the abundance of her new household.

This ex-husband is paying 400 USD. It's not simply about supporting the child anymore. The child's new household has a minimum abundance of 20k per month that is donated away. The 400 USD in child support is a drop in the bucket. The child support at this point is either a punishment for the ex-father who barely gets to see his child anyway, despite his support, or it's merely a legal technicality. It's not necessary support.

You can argue that it costs a lot to raise a child, but a tithe isn't something that should bring a family below bare necessities. Something is morally wrong about this situation. Whether it's the ex-wife's interpretation of tithing, her relationship with her new husband, the church's for not having better tithing policies or awareness, whatever it is, I don't like it.

chtrchtr_pussyeater · 2013-12-18T20:52:17+00:00

I hear ya... I pay $770 a month, the ex wife goes to school full time on my dime. I've yet to see our son in one after school or extra curricular activity. The courts also said I have to pay an additional $150 to her (84 year old, non english speaking) mother for "day care" - our son is in jr high.

ENTP · 2013-12-19T01:51:56+00:00

I want to know what church makes billions of dollars a year... I don't doubt it, but damn that's a lot of money.

Lance_lake · 2013-12-19T00:32:15+00:00

Your boyfriend decided to have kids, with having kids comes a lot of responsibilities, one of them being financial responsibility. 400$/mo is a low price to pay to raise several kids on.

Your bf is socially and financially unresponsible by

1) Having several kids while only having a really low income job. (1100/mo for full time, really?) 2) leaving the mother alone to raise several kids on her own and then crying about having to pay 400$/mo as part of his financial responsibility by having kids.

your suggestion is that a man shouldnt be held responsible to support the kids he has put on earth? that a man should be able to just leave the kids to the mother and get away with no responsibility?

condemned2bfree · 2013-12-18T22:34:14+00:00

Both women and men pay child support all over the country. It's based on a guideline formula that takes into account what each party earns and the percentage of time they spend with the child. This prevents so called "receipt keeping" systems which are fairly moronic when you break them down. BOTH parties have an obligation to support their children, not just the one with more money. She may give the money to her church, but that doesn't mean she doesn't spend other money on the child. The very essence of cash is its fungibility, meaning one dollar from one source is not different than another dollar. My advice as a family law attorney is for your boyfriend to get a better job, support his kids, and stop whining.

Arakin · 2013-12-18T21:54:08+00:00

Charlie Sheen pays 55k a month to Denise Richards for child support. But fuck the Patriarchy?....oh right, Patriarchy hurts men and women right Feminists? But then...wait what?

MRMRising · 2013-12-18T22:54:47+00:00

His ex-wife remarried and her husband makes $4,000 a month.

Female Hypergamy.

The_Original_Gronkie · 2013-12-18T20:17:33+00:00

If a person doesn't have enough money to live on, they have two choices - spend less or make more. With only $700 per month to live on, spending less probably isn't much of an option, so the other choice remains - earn more.

If he's making such a low amount of money, he's probably working a minimum wage job, and probably not getting any overtime. In fact, most MW jobs try to keep the hours as low as possible to keep from going into OT. That means he's got lots of extra time. I don't want to even ask what he's doing with all of his free time, for fear that it's going to be playing video games, smoking weed, watching TV, or simply romancing the girlfriend. If any of those things sound like his normal time off, then he needs to get more productive.

So find another minimum wage job and he'll double his pay. Or a job that is occasional or on call, like catering or pizza delivery. Start a business like car detailing, selling stuff on eBay, building furniture, cleaning houses and apartments between tenants, answering ads for one-off work on Craigslist, etc.

I knew someone who was unemployed and flat broke. She put an ad on Craigslist to clean empty houses for real estate companies. She had a job the next day and made $100 bucks, and the guy booked her for the rest of the week. It was hard work, but within three weeks she had two other crews, paying them $50 and keeping $50, and the others were happy to be working. The real estate guy was siphoning more work to her than she could handle.

I used to be a collector of something, and amassed a huge collection when I was young. I got tired of hauling it from one place to the next so I decided to sell it off on eBay. The stuff had gained in value greatly, and before long I was making $2000 - 4000 a month selling off stuff that was just taking up space in my house. Eventually it ran out, but it was a nice part time job for a couple of years.

The point is that you don't have to work very hard to beat $700 per month. That's only $175 per week. If he just trash picked lawns the night before trash pick-up he'd collect enough stuff to sell on Craigslist every week to beat that. If he works hard and fills his time with money-making endeavors, he'll eventually come across something that will allow him to make more money in the same time he's working now.

road_warrior_1 · 2013-12-18T23:55:11+00:00

You mean to tell me your BF makes only $1120. He needs to be more proactive at finding a better job. That is simply a minimum wage job. A second job, donate plasma, mow lawns, deliver pizzas, something that would improve his outlook.

Then he needs to find a better attorney that will fight to get his child support to a more reasonable amount.

perogies · 2013-12-18T19:23:15+00:00

Don't get married and if you live with her make her sign something for that too.

Yeahadamnthrowaway · 2013-12-18T23:21:40+00:00

I don't know the circumstances, but even people who believe in legal parental surrender understand that children have to be supported.

Virulentt · 2013-12-19T05:14:09+00:00

I feel bad for your boyfriend but omg everyone commenting on this is such a fucking pussy

ozzieoo · 2013-12-18T19:40:21+00:00

Life isn't fair. At least there will be an end to this once the kids are 18. I am on the other end of situation that I don't know how it will come out. My ex makes $12k a month. We were married 23 years. I have MS. State law calculates I should get $2k a month. He wants to give me nothing. So to court we go. I worked my entire life. I have a pension, but I made 1/3 of what he made. I wish I didn't need help from him. I wish I could just walk away, but I will be in wheelchair eating catfood. Life just get ugly sometimes.

StockholmMeatball · 2013-12-18T19:19:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

iamnotfromtexas90 · 2013-12-18T21:10:12+00:00

PRENUP

Title	Getting divorced turns men into slaves
Author	throwaway892442
Upvotes	676
Comments	506
Date	December 18, 2013 3:55 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1t69nj/getting_divorced_turns_men_into_slaves/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/getting-divorced-turns-men-into-slaves.1155819 https://theredarchive.com/post/1155819

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