Let’s look at some advice commonly given by women:

“Take your time getting to know her, to build your foundation on solid ground. Be friends first.”

Trying to be a friend first is a very bad strategy most of the time. You will end up hearing "Why can't I just be friends with a guy and not have him hit on me?" or "So you only became friends with me because you wanted to sleep with me?"

“You are perfect the way you are, and some woman will be lucky to have you.”

Just not any woman you know right now, or any of the women that they know either. More of a theoretical woman than any actual woman.

“Woman want a man who is in touch with his emotions, women hate emotionally unavailable men.”

What they really want: A man who can handle women's emotions, not a man that overshares his own.

“Don't go looking for it. It'll come when you least expect it.”

This advice may work for a woman, but not so much for a man.

“I just want a nice guy that respects me and brings me flowers.”

Yet how come it is when a nice guy does that, suddenly it is not what they want?

So, be soft and gentle and thoughtful and kind... Women DO NOT find that attractive in practice.

Women don't usually give advice that people need to hear. They give socially acceptable advice that they want to be heard saying.

They are socialized to protect others’ feelings, even at your detriment. They will never tell you “yeah so you’re actually terribly needy, overshare constantly, can’t hold eye contact, and need to hit the gym”. They will give you meaningless sugar-coated lies which hurt you infinitely more in the long run than a harsh truth would.

But assuming that you find a woman who actually wants to give you meaningful advice, despite her instincts, the issue is that she will only tell you what she likes from a guy she is already attracted to.

When women do end up giving advice, they will state long-term criteria that is only relevant to a guy she is already attracted to.

Most people (not just women) rationalize their preferences after the fact. She might sincerely believe “I just want someone respectful and good.”

It’s not that she actually wants an abusive nutjob that beats her, it’s that kindness only matters after you’ve attracted her initially.

A woman may genuinely see herself as someone who values kindness, stability, and commitment. But attraction is subconscious. So when she feels strong chemistry for someone who doesn’t match that description, her brain starts rationalizing the attraction so it doesn’t contradict her identity.

Don’t listen to what women say, watch what they do.

Women frequently say they want to feel “safe”, but get very bored very quickly with men who are actually safe while being consistently excited by men who feel very “unsafe.” Women do not know how to attract women in the first place.

What they say they want and what they respond to are very different things.

There is an old adage that fits beautifully here, don't ask a fish for fishing tips, ask a fisherman.

But it’s not just any dude with a pole you need to ask.

It’s only the dudes that actually know how to catch a fish.