So, now the longer version of what I’m saying: a lot of guys complaining that being an asshole isn’t a big deal because they see assholes get women all the time. Not only is that just confirmation bias, it’s intentionally misunderstanding the situation.

Take Charlie Sheen. I once saw a guy use his success in Hollywood as proof that being an asshole does not hold men back. But Charlie Sheen was tolerated because he was talented and making other people a lot of money. His value to the production outweighed the problems he caused until it didn’t. That does not prove personality is irrelevant. It proves that people tolerate serious flaws when someone offers enough value in return.

The same applies to shallow women who prioritize looks. The hotter a man is, the more bad behavior a shallow woman may overlook. That should not be surprising. She values his appearance, so she is willing to tolerate more to keep access to it. The men who complain about this usually do not want to acknowledge one of two things: either they are not paying attention to how some people actually make choices, or they are embarrassed that they want women who are shallow enough to ignore obvious red flags for a handsome face.

And like I have constantly said, alot of guys really underestimate how much a bad personality negatively affects their social life. The claim “Personality doesnt matter that much” when you high value in other ways. When youre not impressive, personality matters ALOT. Also, the problem goes beyond dating. Many men have weak friendships, struggle to connect with coworkers, make people uncomfortable not knowing/caring, or constantly create conflict. None of that bothers them enough to reflect on their behavior until women also dont wanna date them. Then suddenly the problem becomes “dating is unfair.”

Personal, I do think dating is fair in terms of these questions: Why should people give you what you want? What do they receive from having you in their life? And what are you expecting them to put up with in exchange?

A lot of men spend all their time evaluating women’s value while never considering their own. They want to be treated like the prize without offering enough to justify that treatment and they want women to overlook their flaws while insisting that women must constantly prove their value to them. THAT is what’s unfair.