If there was a test that could confirm cheating, would you make your man take it?

AngeCruelle · 2024-09-24T20:34:15+00:00

He would rightfully take it as an accusation and I can't stand the idea of putting my SO through that

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2024-09-24T22:51:18+00:00

No, not "just in case". Just as I would never ask him to share his location with me, check his phone, read his bank statements... All real-world ways to identify cheating. I trust him. If I didn't, our relationship would have issues that should have been solved waaaaay before they got to that point.

Maybe I would if I had very solid reasons to suspect cheating. But I'm not sure how our relationship would recover from such a breach of trust, even if I found no proof of cheating. I would have stabbed the relationship right at its heart.

The funny thing of your swap thought experiment is, I wouldn't be opposed to a paternity test for my kids in certain conditions.

attendquoi · 2024-09-24T20:33:39+00:00

Nope, if I didn't trust him I wouldn't be with him.

beautyloser · 2024-09-24T20:31:06+00:00

No. While I admire the sad attempt to gender swap the paternity fraud issue, I wouldn’t test my partners faithfulness unless I had a concrete reason to be suspicious. It would be hurtful to my partner and I have no desire to “just make sure” if I feel my relationship is strong and stable (as it should be on the verge of marriage).

CatallaxyRanch · 2024-09-24T20:34:18+00:00

Do I have reason to suspect, or am I doing it "just in case"?

If the former, maybe, although if I suspected the cheating was a long time ago I would probably just leave it alone. If the latter, no. That's just neurotic.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2024-09-24T20:29:57+00:00

No, because I'm not a neurotic mess.

EqualSea2001 · 2024-09-24T20:25:12+00:00

Yeah this isn’t subtle at all lol

half_avocado33 · 2024-09-24T22:43:09+00:00

I trust him 100% and i know he's not cheating.

I wouldn't take a stupid pill and blow up my marriage over something that i am 100% certain anyway.

PrettyPistol87 · 2024-09-24T22:28:58+00:00

No. You can tell when your partner is distracted by another by how they mirror them. They tell on themselves.

thelajestic · 2024-09-24T22:36:28+00:00

No. I trust him and have never had any reason to suspect he's cheating, therefore have no need of a test.

StunningSort3082 · 2024-09-24T20:25:17+00:00

No. If my husband is able to cheat in a manner that the only way I’d ever know was through a test, then why do I even care. Asking him to take the test would abolish all trust if he wasn’t cheating, and even if he had do I really care if he made out with Becky at a conference 5 years ago? Like what impact does that currently have on our marriage? In my opinion none.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-09-24T20:27:42+00:00

Nope, I don't have any reason to suspect he's cheated on me, it's not a thing I wonder about.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2024-09-24T20:33:37+00:00

Nah… my man treats me right and our life is awesome. If he stepped out once but didn’t bring anything home & didn’t knock anyone up, I don’t need to know about it. People can make mistakes and that doesn’t make them bad people, especially if they learn from those mistakes and I never have to be hurt by them

apresonly · 2024-09-24T22:05:55+00:00

a paternity test won't confirm cheating unless the kid isn't yours

but you being the dad doesn't mean she isn't cheating

(just assuming where this is coming from)

i've always said that it would be fine to go through my phone 1-2 times to build trust. but after that, trust has to be built (unless something happens that breaks it) because it is impossible to have a healthy relationship if you cannot build trust by demonstrating that your actions match your words over a period of time.

the same goes for me. after we build trust, i have to trust him unless he gives me a reason not to.

i cant see how it could be healthy for two people who have no reason to suspect cheating to continue to test each other.

and if there is a reason to suspect cheating, then obviously you should do these tests as a way to work on rebuilding trust.

Gillionaire25 · 2024-09-24T22:20:34+00:00

My real life husband and the relationship we currently have? No I wouldn't. I have no reason to distrust him at this point in life and hurting someone I love would hurt me too.

A hypothetical man and a worse relationship? Yeah probably. I would have a great urge to do the test if I was dissatisfied, because it could confirm if the relationship is even worth the struggle.

I also don't believe in thought crimes and it would have to be actual cheating with another active participant for me to care.

themfluencer · 2024-09-25T00:28:48+00:00

No. I trust my partner completely. I have way more important shit to focus on rather than putting my sweetie through a paranoid interrogation and violating his privacy and our shared trust. We don’t look through one another’s stuff and we trust one another enough to tell the truth. Neither one of us has much incentive to lie.

TidyMess123 · 2024-09-25T00:50:48+00:00

No, I wouldn’t request the test.

Poor_Olive_Snook · 2024-09-24T20:54:58+00:00

No. I trust him.

chalkandapples · 2024-09-24T20:39:13+00:00

Yes I would ask, it will hurt his feelings, but I would be dishonest to him and myself if I pretended I wasn't curious. I'm a person, and sometimes I have thoughts that are not always nice. I feel bad hurting his feelings, but these are honest thoughts I really have, and I will be transparent about it.

Assuming the test can be done on me too I would obviously agree to do the test on myself to be fair.

lle-ell · 2024-09-24T22:40:00+00:00

No, I know he wouldn’t. If I didn’t have complete faith that, I wouldn’t be with him.

SlothMonster9 · 2024-09-25T05:41:22+00:00

I have zero reasons to suspect he was cheating, so no.

Siukslinis_acc · 2024-09-25T16:57:15+00:00

No. If i would ask, that would mean that I don't have trust in them. And a relationship where there is no trust is a broken relationship.

throwRA-lifeadvice · 2024-09-24T21:03:28+00:00

If I had a reason to doubt then yes. Otherwise no.

-Blatherskite · 2024-09-24T21:19:09+00:00

No. I don't feel the need to. I trust him. If I didn't trust him, we'd have much bigger issues going on. If I felt like I had to ask him to take the test, I imagine our relationship was already pretty much over and I just needed to confirm my suspicions.

Gilmoregirlin · 2024-09-24T21:21:51+00:00

I would not. If you are at the point in your relationship where you need a test to confirm someone’s fidelity, that relationship is over and I would just end it.

Old_Luck285 · 2024-09-24T21:34:55+00:00

No. With both guys I've been with, I'm absolutely sure they didn't and wouldn't cheat.

On the other hand, a single side-step many years ago that's deeply regretted doesn't concern me too much. Hell, it likely will make him more commited.

blebbyroo · 2024-09-24T21:35:01+00:00

No I know exactly what kind of man I married and if I’m having those kinds of doubts there are issues that warrant a conversation and rethink of the relationship. If you make someone ‘prove’ something to you (including going through phones) it’s already toxic and a problem.

gloomett3 · 2024-09-24T20:26:59+00:00

No, unless I have a reason to suspect something.

ATasteofTx214 · 2024-09-24T21:04:11+00:00

No. If our relationship isn't being affected, then I don't need confirmation to confirm cheating; if we are being negatively impacted, confirmation of cheating doesn't change next steps

SaBahRub · 2024-09-24T20:40:42+00:00

No

If he wanted to he could, but I’m not going to make him

GridReXX · 2024-09-24T21:13:12+00:00

I would only do that if I already thought he was cheating and behaving sneakily and psychologically wanted some proof so I could move on without lingering regret.

For the record, I’ve never had that feeling about a partner.

bv0724 · 2024-09-24T20:54:46+00:00

Would I trust any man to not cheat? No.

Would I trust my current volcel partner that I've vetted to never cheat? Yes. Fyi, he lives on the opposite end of the country and we are in a LDR, and I still trust him.

I keep giving the same advice on this sub. Don't date someone you don't know very well. If you have to question such a thing, you shouldn't be making a family together, and never make that person a parent of your child(ren).

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Flightlessbirbz · 2024-09-24T22:08:55+00:00

In most cases, no. If he’s given me no reason to suspect anything, I wouldn’t want to risk our relationship with a needless accusation. If he has, it would be time to reconsider everything. Only time I would is if I suspected it and he offered to take the test to prove me wrong.

My_House_on_Mars · 2024-09-25T00:02:05+00:00

You mean looking at his smartphone? Lmao of course not

fiendishthingysaurus · 2024-09-25T00:18:34+00:00

What is this minority report? No.

Planthoe30 · 2024-09-25T02:56:28+00:00

I wouldn’t do it without reasonable suspicion. The way we live our lives doesn’t produce those insecurities so likely it would never happen.

HappyCat79 · 2024-09-25T09:57:41+00:00

No way!

My ex was a huge cheater, cheated serially and relentlessly and it wasn’t the cheating that hurt the most but the way he treated me as a result of it. He treated me like absolute trash, especially when he had a new sexual conquest, because he couldn’t reconcile cheating on his sweet wife who was faithful and meeting his needs. He had to find things to pick fights about and create drama and chaos in order to justify it in his own mind- and it had to be my fault. When I stopped engaging in the fights and stopped caring at all what he said or did, he escalated. I started focusing more and more on myself, my health, my looks, my peace and happiness… that sent him over the edge and he was 100% convinced that I was cheating and he couldn’t cope with it. The violence became dangerous so I took our 5 kids and left.

So my point is that I care far less about actual cheating than I do about the way I am treated by my partner. I will never tolerate disrespect and abuse again. I am in a new relationship where there is emotional and financial investment on both our parts. We live together. He calls me the great love of his life and I feel the same way about him. We are meant to be together. He treats me so well. I have no reason to suspect cheating at all. He has admitted that he had a couple of affairs when he was married to his ex and it was because they had a completely dead bedroom and he has a high sex drive, but felt he couldn’t leave because of their son having cancer. He owned up to it and told her the truth. He didn’t do what my ex did. I trust my boyfriend that if he ever cheated on me that he would tell me the truth about it. I also trust that he wouldn’t want to because he felt terrible about doing it even though he had his reasons for it. It didn’t make him happy or feel good. It made him ashamed of himself.

If he did have sex with another woman I could get past it as long as he tells me the truth. Sex is different from love, you know? If he came to me and said that he feels like he wants to have sex with other people because life is short and he hasn’t had a ton of sexual partners in his life, I would be Ok with that because I love him and I want him to be happy. I would just expect that it would be a two way street and that I would also be free to have my fun. It isn’t what I want, I would rather be monogamous with him, but I would rather be in a poly relationship with him than lose him in my life because he is such a wonderful person. I don’t see that happening because I more than meet his sexual needs and he meets mine, but honestly my emotional needs are more important than my sexual needs and he meets those more than I ever thought possible. Because of that deep connection, I am 100% always down for sex with him. I get incredibly turned on when he “takes me” (we have safe words which I have never used because I am literally always down to F him. He is a God to me.)

I think people focus too much on the actual cheating and aren’t focused enough on the ugly things that come along with it. The disconnection, withdrawal, disrespect, gaslighting, emotional abuse, creating chaos to justify the behavior, lying, paranoia, and overall unhealthy relationships. If your relationship is healthy then you don’t have a lot to worry about because your partner loves and respects you enough to be honest.

Trust is the basis of that, so if you don’t trust your partner then your relationship is basically DOA.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2024-09-25T13:04:33+00:00

Absolutely not. It’s a way to drive yourself mad. Would you then want to do it every time he went out?

I trust my husband

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2024-09-25T13:06:41+00:00

Also thought of cheating? How would that works?

Would it show if he had wondered what sex with someone would be like?

I have thought that about people, I have no desire to act it out

Fun_Breakfast697 · 2024-09-25T17:15:04+00:00

No. I don't care if someone contemplated cheating, that's fucking neurotic.

And honestly I'd rather get cheated on than live in relationship prison camp. I don't share my location, I've never snooped on a partner's phone, I don't have a bunch of dumb rules about opposite sex friends or whatever. Nor would I tolerate someone doing that shit to me. Seems like a crappy way to conduct a relationship. If a partner asked me to take the test I'd be annoyed as hell and I'm not a hypocrite.

y2kjanelle · 2024-09-25T20:21:52+00:00

Only if he gave me a reason to.

Smooth-Atmosphere657 · 2024-09-25T20:36:35+00:00

Definitely not. I’d only do it if there was actual evidence to indicate he is cheating but I’d have to feel very sure that he was, which like other comments have said, would impact the relationship in itself whether he’s cheating or not.

I just think it’s unnecessary and if you trust your partner that much, you shouldn’t be with them.

MistyMaisel · 2024-09-26T02:42:09+00:00

No? I trust him. And frankly, if he managed to cheat on me with his hellish schedule, like, fuck, I'd have to kill him. And I'm not sure I'm quite ready to be a murderer, ya know? That's a big step in a relationship.

MonkeyTeals · 2024-09-26T15:06:21+00:00

Unless, I'm suspicious that he is cheating because there are signs, then yes. But, if I could find evidence without it? No.

But, otherwise? No again.

If he cheats one time, while he's on vacation, that I never know of? Idc. I wouldn't know lol. Unless, he brings back an STD, child, or there's other evidence of it.

Demasii · 2024-09-24T21:03:46+00:00

No. Sounds like a pain. Just because he didn't cheat on me last week doesn't it mean he won't do it next week.

I would have to constantly test him instead of enjoying my time with him.

ThatBitchA · 2024-09-24T21:09:48+00:00

No.

If he cheats, we're done.

If he thinks about cheating, I hope he's man enough to have a conversation about why he feels the need to betray me instead of just breaking up with me.

Novadina · 2024-09-24T21:11:18+00:00

No, I don’t have any reason to suspect he’s cheating.

saraimarsena · 2024-09-24T21:35:16+00:00

honestly nah. i trust him quite a lot, and it’s not something i ever find myself worrying about. i don’t think he’s the type

DreaminInChocolate · 2024-09-24T21:31:43+00:00

I wouldn't. I would end the relationship if I felt I couldn't trust him or thought he was cheating.

SlavePrincessVibes3 · 2024-09-24T21:36:37+00:00

Nope. If I can't trust him with something as basic as not cheating, I shouldn't be with him.

And my partner would have every right to break up with me. For starters, ANY grounds is grounds for a break up, bc no one owes anyone else a relationship. But mainly, I wouldnt blame him for not wanting to stay with someone who doesn't trust him and believes him capable of such egregious behavior.

ConanTheCybrarian · 2024-09-24T20:45:27+00:00

I don't need a test. He doesn't cheat. If he did, I honestly think I'd kind of react like he was Baxter with the cheese wheel.

Title	If there was a test that could confirm cheating, would you make your man take it?
Author	DietTyrone
Upvotes	2
Comments	243
Date	September 24, 2024 8:21 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1fomcuo/if_there_was_a_test_that_could_confirm_cheating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-there-was-a-test-that-could-confirm-cheating.1531275 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531275

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