What is wrong with modern men

LaFrescaTrumpeta · 2025-04-24T08:01:08+00:00

we’re emotionally abusing them as a society, often from toddlerhood on by conditioning their worth on unhealthy masculine ideals and by demonizing anything they do that we happen to deem feminine. this contributes to self esteem and therefore life issues that people don’t have a clue about. that’s the only answer i care to give on this one, any pet peeve i have of men in general is a pet peeve i probably also have in women, don’t care to gender that

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2025-04-23T22:57:14+00:00

When my boyfriend’s cheap plaid shirt got so worn that it started forming holes in the elbows, he took several days to badly sew a patch over each elbow in a totally different color. On the one hand, I wish he had just bought another shirt. On the other hand, that’s creative as fuck and also sustainable so…maybe I take it back haha

justdontsashay · 2025-04-23T23:57:27+00:00

My main complaint is with men who want/expect to have the “provider” role in a relationship, but don’t want to be a provider. By which I mean, they want a “traditional housewife” who also works full time.

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-04-23T23:57:42+00:00

The one I see most consistent in the women in my life is when men think they're doing more than they are.

When men insist that they do so much more housework than his wife... and then the woman leaves for a few days and the house becomes disgusting.

When he does the lawnmowing once a week and does his own laundry now and then or whatnot, and thinks that's 50/50 with what his wife does, while she cooks and cleans for every meal, does all of the laundry for herself and the kids, sometimes does his laundry too, etc.

When men insist that he needs to take care of his mental health first and then he can turn on dad mode, since he "will be a better father when his mental health is better"... meanwhile, his wife is never or rarely able to focus on her mental health, and the kids can't exactly take a break from having a parent. His wife has to care for the kids regardless of her mental health while he's on mental health break.

When he expects to be waited on when he is sick, but won't give the same to her.

When he makes excuses as to why he doesn't need to help her, or when he does help, he expects her to give him a task list, even though no one gave her a task list. She just takes care of what needs taking care of.

Or when he considers his day job equal to her SAHM or part-time job/part-time mom life. Meanwhile, he works 40 hours a week, and she is on-call 24/7 with no vacation time or, in the former case, no income at all. And then, he complains that he owes alimony if they divorce.

When he expects her to keep her whole body shaved, wearing support garments like bras for purely aesthetic reasons, etc, and thinks she is letting herself go if she doesn't. Meanwhile, he likely doesn't even wash his hands after he toilets.

When he expects her to get a tubal ligation, but refuses to get a much, much easier vasectomy.

When the treatment for vaginismus is "numb the vaginal muscles so she can take his dick" instead of "find other ways besides PIV to have sex". When the treatment for a female low-sex drive is "numb the vaginal muscles so she can take his dick" and not "figure out what is causing her sex-drive to be low and fix it, so she actually wants sex".

And, when he considers giving her an orgasm a special treat that makes him a great lover, while considering sex ending in his orgasm just the default he should expect.

The worst part is, that while some men are malicious about this, most aren't. They legitimately think they are doing more than they are. They are socialised to expect to be centered while simultaneously seeing themselves as making amazing sacrifices. Women are socialised from a young age to not only take care of men, but that a man shouldn't know he is being taken care of. She has to care for his physical health, and uplift his masculinity by letting him think he's the one sacrificing more.

That's not to say men do nothing. Of course they are. Of course most men are putting in a lot of effort, and are reasonably exhausted for it. The problem is when they don't actually realise how much effort they are putting in versus how much effort they are expecting others to cater to them. I love my dad. He always worked 40 hours a week, with hour-each-way commutes, while my mom was a SAHM. Of course he worked hard.

But he had an hour lunch break, when he would nap in his car. He had downtime at work where he could screw around on Facebook. He had video games to jump on the minute he got home. He had homecooked meals ready and waiting for him. He had drinking nights and weekends away with his buddies. He had sick days and vacation days. My mother had none of those things. And he thinks he and my mom did 50/50.

Training_Hold_1354 · 2025-04-23T23:09:18+00:00

SOME men have main character syndrome without realizing that women do as well now that we have rights to be independent. But for some reason SOME men demonize women for doing so while justifying themselves because it’s been ingrained in our society for such a long time which created an imbalance in their capacity to empathize and limited their self awareness to a degree that they cannot see their own selfishness and hypocrisy. They want to be the hero and the victim in every scenario. A lot of men seem to have a hard time validating their sense of worth outside of women.

SOME men perceive it as unfair to put ourselves first just like men have been doing for centuries because when we do they lose what they believe is their birthright authority where women put men’s needs before their own. SOME men refuse to change because SOME men choose the path of least resistance which for them would be forcing or manipulating women back into dependency on men in order to survive.

hakunaa-matataa · 2025-04-24T03:09:59+00:00

I do think one of the biggest issues modern men have today is the lack of advocacy for male mental health. Don’t get me wrong, there’s been plenty of studies using male subjects run by male scientists. But the whole socialization of men tends to focus entirely on “suck it up” rather than advocacy for them seeking mental health treatments, being encouraged to vocalize their emotions, etc. I think doing so would support men having stronger intrapersonal relationships and better self esteem that doesn’t rely on being in a romantic relationship. We could potentially reduce the rates of body dysmorphia in men, too.

In this sub specifically, though, it’s the small group of men who fundamentally cannot fathom that everything is not women’s fault. Fortunately for me I never have to date these guys because the vast majority of men seem to be able to hold both themselves and women accountable in a nuanced fashion.

Inb4: “well women aren’t perfect” never said they were, we have our issues too. Welcome to the human race we all suck in our own special way <3

AngeAware · 2025-04-24T01:49:48+00:00

I don't believe in a unified vision of "modern men" and "modern women." I've talked about my experiences as a woman born and raised in the Bible Belt who went to undergrad in the northeast, then returned to the Bible Belt. I don't think a person who hasn't had both experiences, or a contrast along those lines, can even come close to realizing how fractured American society is. Like completely different worlds with men and women relating to each other in very different ways.

floracalendula · 2025-04-23T23:05:23+00:00

You're not styled like vintage men and this offends my sensibilities. Additionally, many of you expect me to pay your way through life while putting out while cleaning up after you. While being pig-ignorant! You ask us what we bring to the table -- you first!

grasso86 · 2025-04-24T03:06:12+00:00

I was raised in a fundie religion where women werent meant to be educated, would be married young and popping out children and were to yield to the authority of men so yea I have alot of "pet peeves" with men and their delusions lol. That being said, outside delusional religions, I think alot of men don't have much support and haven't had much since childhood. Boys can be treated harshly and coldly. This makes it hard to find your way and not much security to build off of. When we hear them vocalize that they need more support we should listen not dismiss. I know many men that are having a really tough time of it, they have been treated poorly and expected to sink or swim while having boulders dropped on them.

Edit typo

waffleznstuff30 · 2025-04-24T05:12:01+00:00

A few things.

They are hypersexual and porn sick. They watch way too much porn. And put way too much value in sex and sexuality. Instead of addressing the elephant in the room that they want to feel wanted but just resort to sex being the default of being wanted. It makes them act very sexually undisciplined and pushes away would be good connection. Hypersexuality is a trauma response.
They are noncommittal. Men don't like commitment. Anything that requires effort and actually working on scares them off or she is asking for too much this or that instead of working through and getting to know someone. They don't want to work with what they have and grow it would rather go to the next best thing. Or when things get tough they check out. A lot of emotional unavailability but will be with a woman while keeping her arms length away.
They double down on misogynistic takes instead of questioning them and working through it and figuring out why that is. They go to Red Pill, podcast bros, and other man dating content. We are screaming from the roof tops just be nice to us. Show us effort give a damn about us and our lives be an active partner. And men double down on women aren't submissive these days. Women don't know how to treat a man. Women hit a wall. Women should settle. A lot of men want a wife and kids. But don't want to be husbands and fathers and do not want to do the work.

There's more I'm tired. But there's more.

Edit: because I got some sleep and I have another one to add

Ego. A lot of modern men are VERY stuck in their ego. And their ego is fused with their masculinity and their identity. And when your ego is so fluffed up any bit of criticism or "it's not about you" feels like a slight. Having such a big ego also pushes men to my #2 talking point. Because I can't possibly be the problem it's these modern women. Ego breeds entitlement. I deserve the best of the best of the best without having a pot to piss in. I deserve attention and sex! Ego is I don't see her as girlfriend material, but I want the attention and affection this gives me so I can look for what I actually want but she better not do the same. Ego blocks connection because connecting with someone means having to be vulnerable. It means having to be seen as less than sometimes. That ego is thinking you are the prize having the commitment is the reward. That someone should have a tolerable amount of unhappiness to be with you. But not wondering what could I do to make sure she is happy with me. The overly inflated ego is what is doing a lot of men in. And instead of listening, actually listening mention a bunch of what aboutisms and Chad this or Chad that. Instead of actually listening and applying what women say.

Southern_Roll7456 · 2025-04-24T00:46:43+00:00

slutty
delusional
flaky/inconsistent
incurious
sedentary
overweight / scrawny
callous
cowardly
dishonorable

flutterybuttery58 · 2025-04-24T01:25:25+00:00

A peeve of mine is almost anytime a woman talks about their own experiences, dv, femicide etc there will be a “what about men blah blah”, even with insta/tic tok accounts devoted to those topics.

When (some) men could just absorb and attempt to understand the topic - eg some men immediately jump to “why aren’t you talking about men’s mental health as well!” “Men are victims of violence too”!

Just keep scrolling or start your own account on that topic!

Yes men can be victims too. But the perp in the majority of all cases is a man!

Another peeve is the privilege that (some) men don’t even realise they have when separating. They can just leave!

The mother is just expected to raise the children. Sure there is the occasional mother that leaves her children, but they are the extreme minority. And the judgement of those women is vicious compared to the acceptance that (some) men can just do that!

Then if you’re a single mother - you are consider “less valuable”, “never date a single mother”, too much baggage, or they’re told they should have chosen better.

My final one is Feminism. It is about equality and equity for all! Not just women. And it doesn’t mean misandry.

Edit to add one more. Men claiming a fake sexual harassment claim by women will ruin their lives! There’s a tiny % that are fake! But even when true, it doesn’t seem to affect their ability to get work, run companies, star in movies, become a President!!

Redhotangelxxx · 2025-04-24T06:44:23+00:00

No? I don't hang out with "modern men" who are bad people so I don't really have a lot of pet peeves. The men I know are great, and normal people. If there was one thing I wish was changed and that is a bit of a pet peeve is that men's friendships are very different than women's, and rather then creating space for more emotional bonding between men which would likely decrease feelings of loneliness and reliance on female partners for emotional support, a lot of men refuse to do that.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2025-04-23T23:24:01+00:00

I mean.... look at them.

Gooners, fascists, Tater Tots, NEETS; if they're not soft bellied door dash drivers "stacking cash" and "building an empire" 🙄, then they're gymcels that have crafted an entire personality from Arthur Schopenhauer's hate-wanking.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-04-24T03:39:40+00:00

They think they’re doing half or adding value when they’re not

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2025-04-24T08:05:12+00:00

I don't think there's much wrong with modern men that's always been an issue for men, short of the obsession and entitlement to porn. But then pre modern era men felt entitled to women's bodies then too 🤷‍♀️.

However, there's a huge, huge difference between men now and before - modern men genuinely have no clue whatsoever about the level of power men had before, particularly over women. And they can't envisage it. Tbh that can only be a positive.

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RecognitionSoft9973 · 2025-04-26T02:37:45+00:00

They lack self-awareness (women too). Most of the time their porn addiction is out of control. If it's not looking at porn directly, it's following OF models on Instagram and thirsting over them. Refusal to take responsibility for domestic stuff. On the opposite side, you could argue that women don't take enough responsibility for traditionally masculine chores.

Confusing hygiene standards. He'll shave his taint but he won't wash his hands after using the bathroom

Big-Bodybuilder-5035 · 2025-04-24T03:29:43+00:00

Why do you guys want to be treated exactly the same as women so badly? Do you have any idea how whiny and unmasculine that makes you sound?

If you don't care then okay but it definitely sheds a lot of light on why women don't find some of you attractive lol

Tweezers666 · 2025-04-24T17:41:22+00:00

Men have low T and want to be princesses. Their dads didn’t teach them how to treat a woman they’re interested in and think texting at 2am “u up? Wanna come over” is how you get a wife. And when this doesn’t work, they get all mad at women. They don’t want to work on themselves to be better people and thus become magnetic.

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AnonPinkLady · 2025-04-24T15:27:16+00:00

In my experience, it's extremely individual, but the biggest common thread I've noticed is a lack of effective communication and self-reflection. Many men don't know what they want or how to express what they're looking for clearly and earnestly. When I was single, I had a handful of short-term dating experiences while trying to find my person. and I find an interesting problem kept coming up over and over that made me cut things off and stop seeing them. They were terrified of their own wants romantically and refused to be forward with me, instead using passive language and noncommittal attitudes to guard their feelings. For example, insisting that they had no strong feelings for me but also being deeply jealous when I mentioned going on dates with other people to try and find that connection. If they had just been honest and open about their feelings, I would have been open to the idea of an exclusive relationship but they were never honest with me or themselves.

It's why situationships and FWB are on the rise so much. A lack of transparency and a certain social pressure to maintain options keeps people from letting their walls down.

Robot_Alchemist · 2025-04-25T00:13:52+00:00

I don't like that I will talk to a guy briefly, and after being asked (or not) I'll exchange numbers because they're interesting or seem like they might have some insight or be cool or maybe we can hang out sometime or whatever....then it never fails

DICKPIC!!!!!!

unsolicited dick pics.....I can't even with this. What is the end goal? Do you think that's gonna' do anything but get you ghosted?

Bitter_Rose2 · 2025-04-26T12:27:59+00:00

In a nutshell when it comes to dating

If you have 5 basic standards for men as a woman:

No obesity/severe underweight
1. Slept with less than 5 people
2. Doesn't watch porn
3. No severe mental illness/neurodivergence
4. Doesn't watch Manosphere content/Andrew Tate

90%+ Men fail at these first hurdles.

Yet men are online screeching that women only want to date 7ft billionaires with enormous penises when the average man is a fat, coombrained, mentally ill slut and that is what we don't want.

What is wrong with modern men

Comments

1 is a double edged sword.

Title	What is wrong with modern men
Author	Agile_Vanilla_1802
Upvotes	30
Comments	198
Date	April 23, 2025 9:52 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1k5v8tp/what_is_wrong_with_modern_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-wrong-with-modern-men.1550440 https://theredarchive.com/post/1550440