why don't men date through female friends to avoid being with girls that they dont want ?

Psychological_Wear_7 · 2021-09-13T13:48:40+00:00

alot of men worry about high body counts or cheating and complain alot about it and probably give up dating because of it too so this is something that is very common here in my country basically if you have a sister, a close female relative, or a close female coworker you can meet girls through them which is what most men do to avoid women that date around

What makes you think they'll be honest with yoy and not hype up their female friends?

Both men and women talk about their friends in a positive light to other people, they're not outing the negatives

DjangoUBlackBastard · 2021-09-13T14:11:41+00:00

In my experience female friends/acquaintances will hook you up with women that are generally hopeless because the women that aren't hopeless are usually taken. I'm in my mid 20s now but I've always found this to be true. Most of the worst women I've been with have been met through mutual friends.

Same with guys I know that have had the same thing happen to them - 99% of women don't know what men want or what men are looking for.

back_in_blyat · 2021-09-13T14:01:50+00:00

From personal experience - most female friends immediately will think less of you if you're the one who broaches the idea. If you make it their idea to help you, you're golden, but asking for any romantic assistance has immediately lead to being thought of as "lesser" by female friends from my experience. I guess the subconscious line of thought is "if he has to ask for help he is pathetic" or something like that.

Playful_Art_5364 · 2021-09-13T16:29:13+00:00

They are pretty bad at being wingman and usually do something dumb and ruin it.

Like one time I asked and she brought her to a social event. But wouldn’t leave us two alone for 2 seconds. I ended up talking to both the whole time.

Later she asks why we didn’t hit it off. I said “cause you wouldn’t leave”.

Literally in her mind she was there to chaperone and make sure it goes well. In my mind it’s awkward to flirt if she’s there

AskingToFeminists · 2021-09-13T14:22:02+00:00

My GF has several single friends. And they're single for a reason. I wouldn't wish them as a partner even to people I don't appreciate, let alone my friends.

AerieIll3707 · 2021-09-13T13:46:21+00:00

Meeting your partner through your social circles has always been and will continue to be extremely popular

NinjaOfTheSouth · 2021-09-13T13:47:27+00:00

Freindzone , “he’s a brother to me”, already taken, can fuck up your freindship.

Alot women don’t understand dating is pretty hard for guys, it’s one of the reasons men treat dating as just a numbers game.

mindsanitizer · 2021-09-13T13:46:20+00:00

I think this is an obvious idea. And I think this is a space where women can add incredible value to their male friends lives.

Many western women, at least online, seem to feel that this is a disgusting thing to even ask of them. "It's not my job to help you get laid, dude." seems to be the attitude. Not sure why that is.

wiking85 · 2021-09-13T14:19:43+00:00

Women generally don't help their male friends get hooked up anymore.

LePengwino · 2021-09-13T13:50:32+00:00

This is probably the best way, but it's got it's own little issues. Better odds than cold approaching or OLD.

Also, if you have no friends...well, that's a deeper thing, lol.

patorac63 · 2021-09-13T14:54:48+00:00

If you end up in an ltr with her friend she won't be your friend anymore. Women don't like it when their men have female friends.

heyitsjeape · 2021-09-13T15:47:07+00:00

It is not possible for me. I don’t have any female friends.

DplusLplusKplusM · 2021-09-14T01:36:40+00:00

The men who want real relationships often do. But no one wants to ask a female friend to provide them with a disposable one night stand they plan to treat like garbage. So this surely depends on the guy in question and what his objective is.

SonicBackScratcher · 2021-09-13T15:28:12+00:00

I never had a female friend try to set me up with a attractive girl when I was dating. It was always unattractive ones. Attractive ones don't need setups.

Brilliant-Hornet1916 · 2021-09-13T17:08:59+00:00

Dating within social circle might seem like the most logical way of meeting someone but it can get a bit awkward.

Firstly, women tell their girl friends everything. Be prepared for everyone in your social circle to know your dick size, how long you last in bed, any weird kinks you have. Be prepared for everyone in your social circle to know of any arguments you may have had, or any social errors you have made. Be prepared to have everyone in your social circle to be gossiping about your relationship. If you break up, be prepared to be socially ostracised by the females in your social circle. It's really not worth the hassle if you have other options.

If you're attractive enough to easily meet someone outside your social circle, that's probably preferable for the reasons I listed above.

cvslengthbucketlist · 2021-09-13T17:23:20+00:00

I've always firmly believed that the adage "don't shit where you eat" applies to your close social circles as much as it does your workplace. It makes sense that if you end up asking out or dating women connected to your close friends then at best you'll likely relinquish your privacy and hear your own secrets repeated back to you from time to time.

And at worst you run the risk of developing a reputation as "that guy" in the case of an awkward rejection (and especially multiple rejections, since the "dating through friends" route is only good for one use per social circle), or potentially jeopardizing your friendships if the relationship becomes a breakup. So not a very attractive option really.

Insidious-Sid · 2021-09-13T15:11:15+00:00

If you're friends with a bunch of females you're already seen as "the male friend" and relationship material for nobody they know.

Besides. As a "friend" you're a type of resource. A certain type of player in her social network. If they hook you up, you might not be available to pick up lunch, give a ride or help them move.

revente · 2021-09-13T16:36:49+00:00

Well probably like 40% of men have no female friends. And no being a social outcast is not their main reason.

Many men just come from male dominated faculties and trades. Many do physical labour on the countyside, whereas most women have migrated to cities.

CulturallyProtestant · 2021-09-13T15:32:38+00:00

My female friends tell me to stay away from their friends, cause they know me lol

SuperSupremeKai · 2021-09-13T15:33:55+00:00

Nice of you to assume I have female friends, let alone be popular enough with women to earn their 'trust'.

jack_napier69 · 2021-09-13T18:28:03+00:00

female friends

yeah uhm....

AnnoKano · 2021-09-13T18:48:18+00:00

My ex and I set two people up. They're married now.

-Ivar-TheBoneless · 2021-09-13T14:21:37+00:00

Female that I know today don't want to set up their male friends. They want to keep their "betas in waiting" waiting on the sidelines in case she fails to lock down Chad she could fall back on him. At least they hope so anyway.

Bandit174 · 2021-09-13T13:48:07+00:00

Eh it limits your options to only the women your friend is friends with and assumes that their friends would even be interested. I think generally if your female friend doesn't think you're fuckable her friends probably won't either.

That said I do kinda like the idea of having a female friend or sister that could screen women I meet from outside her friend group kinda like a spy. I do think shed be much better at sniffing out n count or if the girl had cheated before. I doubt a female friend would do that tho.

rockemsockemlostem · 2021-09-13T14:06:23+00:00

Anytime I've asked a female friend if SHE has single friends, the answer is always the same. "none that I think are good enough for you".

bcool_returns · 2021-09-13T14:49:21+00:00

I'm not particularly paranoid about high body counts or cheating. However, I'd argue these women would be at least as concerned about YOUR reputation as they are lending insight about their friends' rep. And it needs to be inline with what her and her friends are prioritizing. Women have tried to set me up before, some with the intention of finding her a good BF when I registered more on that level, and some for finding her some fun when I registered more as the fun guy. The latter isn't talked about as much, but it def happens too. Usually these women weren't close friends. But women who were more acquaintances and were maybe interested but also now taken, who nonetheless were good wingwomen. I think it's generally something women just have to want to do for you naturally. If you're actively asking, I think something's already off.

So yes, finding your way into a social circle of the kinds of women you want to date, befriending some of them and making inroads from there can be effective. But I think men should mainly rely on their own discernment as far as what spaces to enter and what women to date within it.

Fudstersecured · 2021-09-13T15:07:14+00:00

I have. Damn sororities are great.

Christian_Kong · 2021-09-13T16:31:31+00:00

because girls know everything about their friends

First off I am going to disagree with this one(entirely based on personal experience, so take it FWIW.) I think women are more likely to know a lot of people but don't exactly have many more actual close friends than anyone else. This isn't a knock on women but actual good friends are few for everyone. Sure you can be set up, but I would say it will often be just slightly less of a crapshoot than OLD.

As I am near 40 years old I know a number of people that are/were married and I can't think of any that were setup through friends. OLD and bars continue to dominate for whatever reason.

phantomdilletante · 2021-09-13T16:37:03+00:00

You kind of have to have friends who value you at that level first, and that can be hard for a good number of people

MrShakedown1 · 2021-09-13T17:21:31+00:00

They don't have female friends lol.

Exotic-Employee-9369 · 2021-09-13T19:46:00+00:00

This is how most my male friends met their GFS/wives.

Aren't mixed gendered friend groups a thing amongst Reddit ?

Ian_Campbell · 2021-09-13T20:21:25+00:00

I don't really have many female friends in my town any more other than a really good childhood family friend and someone else I knew online who moved here, because it's a shitty small university town and everyone moved away. Aside from that there is the pandemic and everyone doing their own thing so no friend group where you can branch out and meet new people. You don't wanna be begging your friends to try to set you up, like you said it's better to meet naturally at some get together and then you evaluate it from there if something is going to happen.

But to the OP, no if you actually have a friend group where you can hang out and branch and meet new friends through it that is obviously how guys prefer meeting girls. You don't get this automatically though. Guys are using dating apps either in addition or because they have extinguished this option or don't have it in the first place.

colbyfan · 2021-09-13T20:31:49+00:00

Meeting women through friends has worked great for me. Often we have enough in common and enough not in common for it to be great.

Big_Illustrious_Vag · 2021-09-14T22:46:24+00:00

A lot of men can’t date friends of friends because his dating behavior would torpedo his reputation.

AquaChip · 2021-09-13T13:59:36+00:00

I’d do it if they were both relationship minded. But I’m not gonna help my “wannabe-fuckboi” male friend use my relationship minded female friends.

Nihi1986 · 2021-09-13T14:27:50+00:00

Cause they have no friends.

WilliamWyattD · 2021-09-13T14:02:40+00:00

This might help in some way, but the core issue is the return of female sexual selectivity to higher levels, perhaps artificially amplified by culture to levels that are not even in the interest of the women with such standards.

So none of this gets around the fact that some men at the bottom are unfuckable by virtually any girl. And then there are guys above that who could potentially match with the next level of women, but either cannot be attracted to them or are just terminally embittered that these 'matches' are kind of fake matches created by greater female sexual leverage, and not a real match in any absolute sense. And then guys well above that don't need any help. The girls would try to get him to commit downwards 'cause on of their friends is such an accomplished, bright, assertive woman of the 21st Century. Yeah, she's less hot than the other girls these guys get to sleep with, but she Leans In baby! She Leans In! Don't you want a REAL partner?

Eastuss · 2021-09-13T22:08:38+00:00

Incels don't have female friends. Female friends is a privilege only to men who women like.

Women won't give away their friend's flaw, they'll report yours to their friend though.

Notanothrshitthrow · 2021-09-13T14:18:42+00:00

I think it's brave of you to assume that men on this sub would have a lot of female friends 😂

But seriously, I do think it's one of the better ways for a relationship to begin. Obviously there are things you got to look out for (i.e. ruining the dynamics of a friendship group if you break up, placing too much pressure on two people to get together) but you get a good idea of what the other person is like deep down, way better than just a few photos and a 2 sentence bio.

AidsVictim · 2021-09-13T18:11:50+00:00

The few times I had someone (sister, female friend) set me up on a date the women were substantially less attractive than what I could get off even OLD to the point I was semi insulted and wondered what they thought of me.

LeaveThisPlanet · 2021-09-13T13:53:00+00:00

Lol, do you really think men here, seeing what they type, are capable of a normal friendship with women? 😂 Just look at their comments on various subjects about women, lol.

goochiegg · 2021-09-13T13:53:32+00:00

Too bad my sister is in middle school so her friends would be way too young. Also it assumes that her female friends would be interested in you just because your Friend said positive things about you.

xxxLemonation · 2021-09-13T19:23:38+00:00

you hear info about your friend's friends

Except you never hear the red flags, women ALWAYS overvalue their friends.

superlurkage · 2021-09-13T16:06:22+00:00

I don’t wingman for anyone, because no good deed goes unpunished

SteveSan82 · 2021-09-13T16:39:51+00:00

Female friends don't want their male friends unless they are about to hit the wall

Karmanger · 2021-09-13T15:34:03+00:00

I like that you think it's super common for men to have ton's of female friends and co-workers during THESE times. The men that are complaining about not getting women highly likely don't have any female friends or co-workers that they can hang out with.

The ones who do and regularly hang out with them outside of work, won't need your advice because they would already be doing that.

zerofeetpersecond · 2021-09-13T19:33:21+00:00

Most of the women I’ve ever been “friends” with have been possessive of me to the level of full on cock blocker, except for one life long friend who set me up with her cousin who she knew was a good match for me. A lot of women befriend guys they want for later or just in case, while complaining about orbiters.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-09-13T22:14:51+00:00

Because dating is a numbers game

Using friends as filters is great, which is the approach I personally prefer. But a lot of that is dependent on:

how big your social circle is
if your social circle has "connectors"
if you're an extrovert who meets a lot of people
your social circle is sufficiently mixed gender

Most people's social circles also tend to get smaller as they age. Im an extrovert and am part of a reasonably sized social circle and have joined many hobby groups/sports clubs etc. And I'm still only really meeting new people every few months. And only half of those would be the gender Im attracted to. And then we need to be physically and romantically attracted to each other. And then we need to be compatible.

On the other hand OLD let's you catch a wider net.

Now im not am advocate of OLD and I can't deal with it myself. But I can see the appeal of it.

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Capocoda · 2021-09-13T14:21:23+00:00

First of all, the point of dating is to get to know people and see whether you'd like to be in a relationship with them.

With that out of the way, they do just that! Just like some of your friends who are men might be keen to wingman for you or help set you up with people they know (or not depending on their personality type), so do women.

twa8u · 2021-09-13T15:06:26+00:00

And how are YOU losing anything by it?

_ToiletPaperHands_ · 2021-09-14T00:47:50+00:00

Lol female friends

_ToiletPaperHands_ · 2021-09-14T00:47:55+00:00

Lol female friends

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2021-09-14T02:53:27+00:00

That’s lovely but…..

A lot of guys only have female friends because they’re hoping to get laid and once they figure out that their female friends view them as just friends, they ghost them…….

How’s this going to work if a lot of guys refuse to be friends with women?

Pastelitomaracucho · 2021-09-14T05:53:28+00:00

My female friends confide me their deepest secrets: most of them are too fucking crazy for me consider them relationship material. Many are raging closeted sluts. They are also hopelessly single with no end to their singledom in sight.

Sadly, it's my friends whom I don't want.

Comfortable_Drive793 · 2021-09-14T07:48:16+00:00

You're assuming that men have friends and ever rarer a female friend and even rarer that one that want has a bunch of friends and acquaintances and wants to play matchmaker for them (and they accept).

sigma1932 · 2021-09-14T08:40:36+00:00

Because women don't fix their male friends up with women that they think will be good for those men... they only look at how the men will benefit the women.

KJ1017 · 2021-09-14T17:38:17+00:00

My homegirls are my dawgs, but they’re some fucking hoes.

And their homegirls that are all already taken. Or severely fucked up mentally.

Annnd they’d definitely lie to me and hook me up with a retired hoe. They’re loyal to their female friends before they’re loyal to me.

AloneOnTheStrange · 2021-09-14T21:03:06+00:00

Sure, sounds great. But the question is why would she set you up?

If you're not attractive enough, they'll tarnish their reputation if they set you up. Not to mention the implied need of being set up makes you unattractive. Also not to mention losing an orbiter.

If you're attractive, she wants you for herself. Even if it's just as a plan B in case her better options don't pan out.

And unfortunately, those two overlap. I think most orbiters fall into the category of being attractive enough for a "maybe", but not attractive enough to seal the deal.

Independent-Eye-8945 · 2021-09-14T21:18:00+00:00

you hear info about your friend's friends, you will most likely meet them, and you can try to make things happen, assuming youre not

because that never happens, and I'm not any of your exceptions

LMM-GT02 · 2021-09-15T05:22:13+00:00

Female friend: “Look at that cute girl (lil ham-planet) over there, she’s into you!”

Me internally: I fucking hate being short

I will never have an additional female friend.

Atreiyu · 2021-09-15T13:31:54+00:00

I have gotten these offers as a guy, but women only offer to set you up if you are already at the point where you are able to score a date or relationship on your own.

They're not going to set up unattractive men with their friends. You will at most be "not her type", but she will recognize that you are conventionally attractive to some.

Historical-Agency335 · 2021-09-14T02:03:28+00:00

I dont have female friends

Title	why don't men date through female friends to avoid being with girls that they dont want ?
Author	fuck_life419
Upvotes	18
Comments	359
Date	September 13, 2021 1:36 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/pnfl14/why_dont_men_date_through_female_friends_to_avoid/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-dont-men-date-through-female-friends-to-avoid.1068931 https://theredarchive.com/post/1068931

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