“ I would have never went out with him if I did not meet him in person and saw his profile online”.

Helpful_Help_9329 · 2022-01-04T16:38:51+00:00

If you have charisma, humor, or a dominant presence you can express much better in person.

cryptothrow2 · 2022-01-04T16:35:53+00:00

It's the environment. You're competing with everyone online vs competing with people in the area where you met her

mystery1nc · 2022-01-04T18:08:29+00:00

Honestly because online profiles more often than not do not do people justice, especially in how women are evidently often more skilled in curating successful profiles while it's more common to see profiles from guys uploading a picture of himself from the down-up double chin angle with no life in the eyes, endless shots of him and his mates in bars and you can't actually tell who the profile belongs to, or just generally quite boring, simple pictures.

It seems the divide is that women tend to use the photo part of the profile as a second bio, kind of like an 'intro' before you actually read the additional information. It often showcases the simplicities of a person such as their style, their humour, some of the little things they like, and how they look at their best.

Men seemingly often put little extra thought into the uploading of photos and have more of a 'this'll do' mindset which might actually do them more harm than good, as they aren't fully taking advantage of the 5 seconds people will look at your profile for and getting yourself in the best light possible for those 5 seconds.

And I think what usually happens is, these bland profiles don't actually represent a bland person, they just don't have the natural skill of marketing themselves.

Speaking from experience too, I've had male friends who I would consider decently attractive, hilarious and interesting individuals show me their profiles only for me to be looking at boring and unflattering photos/bios.

It's about self marketing, that's all.

LittyKitsune · 2022-01-04T16:56:41+00:00

Have you ever noticed guys who look just okay in their pictures on their own social media profiles but always look really good on their girlfriend’s page?

It's all about the marketing. She's choosing the pictures of him that look the best to her, and likely other women. He doesn't have that kind of awareness on his own page. It's the same principle with OLD profiles.

betabucks666 · 2022-01-04T18:56:07+00:00

I met an overweight girl, tinder date about 15-20 lbs ish (too much for me)

Looked great in photos, i guess old or favorably angled

When i met her she's like : I almost didn't reply to you! so glad i did!

Women just don't know their damn standing.. go figure what's going on inside an actual attractive fit girl's head when she's swiping.

In short, it's an OLD imbalance, an the fact guys aren't as good as womens at taking their photos. make up and filters also.

nick1812216 · 2022-01-04T16:59:44+00:00

[permanently deleted]

CFinCanada · 2022-01-04T17:34:34+00:00

My bf had terrible pictures, I lingered on his profile for a full two minutes before deciding to right-swipe. I guess we're both lucky I have a discerning eye and see "cute but clearly has no idea" as a green flag, lol.

cryptothrow2 · 2022-01-04T16:48:10+00:00

Men have ugly profiles and are totally unaware of how to present themselves. Women grow up in an environment where we are constantly sexualised so we know how to "be attractive" online and in photos. I discussed this in my thread last night.

OneDumbPony · 2022-01-04T16:46:44+00:00

Its likely because character and humor does not translate well over texts/online messages.

Cupcakelover1985 · 2022-01-04T17:22:38+00:00

Because your online presence is lacking. Either your profile is boring and gives little to no information about yourself and you’re not hot enough to get away with just 1-2 pics and no bio.

Or the information you do put isn’t all that intriguing and impactful. It’s vague and generic so it doesn’t attract because it again doesn’t give a sense of who you are or it makes you come off as boring or at the very least not someone certain women would want to spend any time with.

Offline though, you can showcase your charisma. You can gauge the woman’s reaction to what you say, how you conduct yourself and adjust to maintain or stoke her interest. All things you can’t do online. If your profile wasn’t enough to get her attention your pretty much done for. Whereas offline you have a little bit of wiggle room to recover and get things going as long as you’re not super awkward.

goatismycopilot · 2022-01-04T19:10:47+00:00

99.9% of dating profiles men put up are some combination of of dumb/defensive/douche with garbage pictures. Most women also have garbage profiles but a higher rate have more flattering pictures and men tend to just look at pictures and skip over profiles so it is not surprising that an average random guy who does not cockblock himself saying something stupid would do better IRL.

Novadina · 2022-01-04T17:32:25+00:00

Why is this a thing for woman? Is perception that important to a women? What’s going on in your heads? Do women realize it’s all a perception game. Women must really not realize to what degree guys will create a certain perception.

Not sure why you conclude this means women don’t realize men would effort into perception and that’s why this is a thing? You think if they realized that, they would just date 100% of men asking them out on dating sites?? That makes no sense, I don’t think that’s the reason.

I am a woman who would never have gone out with my now husband if he messaged me from a dating site. I can easily explain it for my situation. I was 23 and lived in a big city, on dating sites I got a lot of messages. I had to filter down by something (and it has to be something mentioned on dating profiles), because I was working and going to school, I didn’t have time to date every single man that asked me out. My now husband was almost 31 and bald, I 100% would have filtered him out for his age.

Now, in person, there is already a huge filter applied: proximity. In person I don’t have men swarming me, I don’t need to apply arbitrary filters to get the men asking me out to a reasonable number, it already is. You also get a feel for chemistry and attraction you can’t tell online. I can look at pictures all day, but there is now way for me to know if I’m truly attracted until I go on a date and meet in person. If you meet in person, you already know. You don’t even usually learn things in person that are on the dating profile, like age, height (some women will filter out men below a specific height, but in person you can’t actually tell if someone is a couple inches below that number), how he looks unflattering in some light (many people have at least one shitty picture). And for me, it was also one more thing: I already knew him, we worked on a project together and were friends. So I already knew I was attracted to him, knew I liked him as a person, and so the age became much less relevant to my decision process of going out with him.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-01-04T16:51:24+00:00

Most of my attraction comes after I've been able to meet a person and see what they're like. On OLD, all I can see are how they look, which probably isn't how they really look, and some random stats that it's hard to care about. It's really difficult to figure out chemistry or anything else from that.

wtknight · 2022-01-04T16:46:24+00:00

A lot of men don’t impress enough from pictures alone. Even videos only help somewhat. A lot of women need actual communication with a man to feel attracted to him. There are other things like body movement and smells that women say increase attraction, as well.

SmurfESmurferson · 2022-01-04T19:50:08+00:00

Because OLD forces women to judge men the way men judge women - solely on looks

In reality, though, women don’t have the male proactive sexuality - it’s a very rare man who can make a woman weak based on looks alone

Woman’s reactive sexuality is based on how he makes her feel - it’s so much more than pure looks

This is why guys in the 4-6 bucket need to get out from OLD - and meet in person

Feisty-Saturn · 2022-01-04T17:45:15+00:00

I don’t think it’s perception. If you meet someone in person you are able to highlight more about yourself than just your physical appearance such as personality.

You arnt able to do that with online dating. Even if you match with a woman and you are very charismatic, there’s only so much personality you can put into text.

Also I think people look at online dating in a different way than they do meeting someone in person. If you meet a guy at a party, this guy is someone you can be friends with. No one cares to be friends with someone they met in a dating app. It’s either I’m going to date this person or not. If it’s a no then there is no reason to interact with them.

funlightmandarin · 2022-01-04T18:26:48+00:00

Online you're competing with every single man within her parameters in a big area.

In person you're competing with the men in her social circle, men she'll actually have met.

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-01-04T19:29:46+00:00

Age old chemistry.

You’ll never see it online, only when you meet in person.

AngelxEyez · 2022-01-04T22:47:48+00:00

My boyfriend is a gamer. Hes shy and introverted. He doesnt listen to music, is not a dog person, doesnt smoke weed, longboard, do crafts, read books or write. (My hobbies and Interests)

If he made an OLD profile I wouldnt have seen it because I dont use OLD But if I did I def wouldnt have swiped!! We have nothing in common (so it appears)

When I met him in person I really appreciated his calm energy, I thought his shyness made his awkward in a cute way, and I had a desire/curiosity to see if I could make him comfortable around me.

When starting to spend time together I found that his calm energy made me able to spend far more time with him than most people. I’m easily drained in social settings, but with him, I wasnt. He games while I paint, or write or do other crafts. We both prefer to stay in. I always get to pick the music. We have the same fundamental values and wants in life Things youd never learn from a profile.

death_by_1000_cats · 2022-01-04T17:17:12+00:00

Women aren't stimulated by still, contextless photos of men. We need to see a man in action, how he carries himself, how he takes up space, how he interacts with us and other people and the physical world. That's what turns women on. It's just how our sexuality works.

I met my husband at a bar through mutual friends and I was obsessed with him from the moment I saw him. We were in each other's social orbit for a year before we hooked up and started dating, and during that year I was painfully crushing on him. Sometimes if I hadn't seen him in a while I would stalk his social media, and I often found myself thinking "OK, maybe I'm over him because his pictures aren't doing it for me." But then I'd see him in person again and was still totally smitten with him. Photos just don't have the same impact on the female psyche and sexuality that IRL interactions do.

Recently I watched a movie with Timothee Chalamet. I knew who he was but had never seen him in anything before. I had seen photos of him and thought he was good looking, but seeing him actually acting in a movie, I was simping hard. There's just such a huge difference between seeing a still image of a guy and seeing him actually move and speak.

daddysgotanew · 2022-01-04T16:41:10+00:00

Because when given the opportunity, women are ludicrously superficial to a degree that is hard to fathom for a normal adult male.

You literally have to wow them in person to shake them out of their childish delusions of Prince Charming.

FancyCocktailOlive · 2022-01-04T17:02:16+00:00

That’s exactly why success or failure in online dating doesn’t accurately reflect how appealing you are in the real world.

I can’t tell if I’m going to be sexually attracted to a man or a woman—I’m bisexual—based on his photos, even objectively good looking men and women with objectively great bodies who are great on paper before all else I want someone who is intelligent and whose personality and sense of humour click with mine.

Society would be better off if online dating were eliminated. Both women and men would be happier.

Siukslinis_acc · 2022-01-04T17:07:27+00:00

There are many things that can't be communicated through a static image. Exaple, voice, the way your body move, 90% of non-verbal communication

heyitsjeape · 2022-01-04T17:27:23+00:00

I wish that were true for me. Although, I’d rather they turn me down in person because people are incredibly rude online.

ashpr0ulx · 2022-01-04T17:49:00+00:00

i swiped on my current partner kinda on a whim- i really could have gone either way. his pictures weren’t great, his bio was meh. i didn’t have high hopes for an in person meeting.

his pictures sucked. the way he carries himself in person is incredibly attractive.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2022-01-04T19:22:32+00:00

Because women are not going to bother with a guy like you online when they can get better.

IRL you have more chances, because the guys girls entertain online wouldn't even glance at their direction in the bar, hence there you are.

Just think about it, online a single guy can talk to 20 women. Nobody is looking at him and calling him on his bullshit so he can say whatever he wants, even copy-paste over and over, women don't know it.

Women can't talk with the 200 guys in their DMs so they just pick a handfull of most intresting guys and they talk with them all the time (and their friends, of course), that's what women do, they put all their eggs in a few basquets.

When the guy goes to the bar, he can't talk to 20 women, he has time only for one.

That's why women care two flying fucks about you online but could show intrest in you IRL anyways.

It's like when you play those online games right?

Who do you band with? The cock suckers or the best players in the game? Right, the best players.

Of course, IRL, the "best players" of "real life game" don't want you around because you screw their game, because you are the cock sucker here like pretty much all your friends, so each group band with eachother

The same for girls, the difference is that while online they want to band with the best guys, IRL they are "their" cock suckers.

slendercrescents · 2022-01-04T19:29:58+00:00

Online dating is more likely successful for men who look very attractive online. It is a meat market where you only have a couple pictures to decide whether you want to buy that sausage or not.

Sometimes it's not even about being actually attractive IRL, ie. if the profile looks good (professional photos, favorable angles, the guy is out and about doing things on the photos that show his personality, photos with animals or nieces/nephews etc), he will be successful. (If you are average looking and take a photo in a dimly lit room and write a butthurt bio on your profile about being wronged by females, do not expect to succeed.)

If you are not visibly well above average looking, you will have to prove that you have other redeeming qualities (this is true for any gender, actually). Intelligence, sense of humor, being considerate and kind, having interests can only be demonstrated after she has decided to let you get to know her. If she doesn't find you very attractive online, she will not swipe right because she will encounter matches who ARE very attractive and she will try dating those men first. Whereas if you meet her IRL, you have a chance to present yourself in your entirety and not just based on a couple photos, + if you are in a group setting, she cannot immediately "swipe left" just because you are average. And contrary to popular belief, women are not that obsessed with looks. If you are confident, interesting, funny, kind, have your shit together, you can look worse than average and still win them over with your personality IRL.

tldr: online = it's all based on looks, IRL = whole package where personality means a lot

CriticalEscapeBike · 2022-01-04T20:05:35+00:00

I would have never went out with someone who didn't understand the most basics of grammar.

TodTheRod01 · 2022-01-04T20:56:24+00:00

[permanently deleted]

HironTheDisscusser · 2022-01-04T21:01:34+00:00

im my partner said this I'd feel insulted, its basically saying she thinks im not physically attractive enough to swipe right on tinder on

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-01-04T17:03:56+00:00

Most guys don't know how to take a good photo.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-01-04T16:46:36+00:00

[permanently deleted]

throwawaylessons103 · 2022-01-04T17:08:38+00:00

Men seem to not understand that women are not as VISUALLY driven, we're EMOTIONALLY driven.

Cue the blahblahblah 6'3 Chad. Yes, women notice highly attractive men. All that means is that women's standards for what % of men can attract a woman based on visuals alone is small, and why?

Because women are not as visually driven, we're emotionally driven.

If you meet a woman's baseline looks standards IRL but appeal to her emotionally, she'll likely be interested. Confidence, humor, charisma, assertiveness, and playful banter is what emotionally appeals to women.

Vtridolla · 2022-01-04T16:56:56+00:00

You smooth smooth brain. Our little human brains evolved for ~75,000 years. The internet has been around for what? Like 40 years. The internet is not a way humans evolved to form connections.

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superincongruent · 2022-01-04T17:40:13+00:00

I think the simpler answer is a lot of women don't take OLD that seriously, they are using it to try to shoot the moon or win the dating lottery. They aren't spending more than a couple seconds evaluating your profile, so it's not really anything even personal. In real life, they can "enter your frame" and see what you're like audibly and in motion.

dysonRing · 2022-01-04T17:50:09+00:00

Women abuse rapport (not that I am complaining that much like Madonna says "to know you is to love you"), that is why real life > OLD

pubgmisc · 2022-01-04T18:27:56+00:00

It's very important on HOW you meet a woman yes. It's completely different

Bandit174 · 2022-01-04T18:31:58+00:00

Its the combination of the gender imbalance on dating apps giving them more options, men swiping on most women giving them even more options, and women having a harder time being turned on just by a picture.

Men are more visual in the sense that men can become aroused more easily by visuals like just seeing an average girl naked or a picture of a pussy or sometimes even feet. Women dont seem to be the same in that regard. Sure they can be attracted based on just visuals but the stimuli needs to be better ie the guy needs to be exceptionally hot. So those are the guys they will typically go for on apps.

REEE_XD · 2022-01-04T18:48:32+00:00

It's a couple things, because I've experienced this too.

I think it's mainly the masculine presence you bring to them. If this happens though you probably aren't immediately that physically attractive, but it also might mean that your actual presence is stronger than your looks when it comes to attraction. The voice, your mannerisms, your humor, and your whole vibe are what attracts them. I honestly think it starts with the voice, I've met quite a few girls who are pretty bitchy ONLY over text but when we get on the phone or meet In person they naturally fall in line.

globalholiday5090 · 2022-01-04T19:13:59+00:00

because personality can makeup for lack of looks in person but we women cant sense that by a profile alone.

fwoketrash · 2022-01-04T19:41:32+00:00

Most of the things that make men actually attractive don't come through in a 400x400px photo online. I think men are really stupid for playing the online dating game. If men stopped playing, women would be forced to adjust and be a lot less toxic.

Braucifarian · 2022-01-04T19:47:24+00:00

Women live in a fantasy world online where they are showered with attention from guys that for a variety of reasons are unable to date them in person (distance, lack of resources, scammers, etc) so they get an inflated sense of self from online interactions.

This does not carry over into offline life which is far more mundane. So if you are trying to initiate a relationship online you are at a huge disadvantage unless your social media presence is top notch to compete with all of the other attention she is receiving.

Consider online "life" like the metaverse where not everyone is who they appear to be. Yes some men can carefully curate their social media presence to put up a facade of what she is seeking online, but its far too much trouble for most or many just aren't interested in creating a facade that doesn't reflect them.

Woe to the women who ignore all of their online courtiers however though as they are severely limiting their options for meeting new people. Unfortunately for most who don't totally ignore these men they are terrible judges of character from online personas. They want Chad and while looks cannot be faked, the rest of one's life/persona can be leading them to go with Chads from online interactions.

TheBookOfSeil · 2022-01-04T19:48:42+00:00

Online dating is similar to window shopping or just shopping online in general, except this one is for a boyfriend.

It’s no surprise that curated profiles get the most attention from women. They think that if the product looks good and sounds good, then it must be good, and this doesn’t change whether it’s a product or a person. They’re both the same in this case.

-WhoIsJohnGalt- · 2022-01-04T19:49:27+00:00

If I had grown up having to choose men from static photographs I would have been an asexual attention whore and probably never had sex with anyone in my life

Coolio_Street_Racer · 2022-01-04T20:03:14+00:00

I think the biggest factor is your competing with everyone in 10 mile radius. Versus in the room you are currently in. Easy to be best looking in a room. But not in a ten mile radius

I think I look weird in photos but much better in person. Your translating a 3d face into 2d and inherently the proportions will be off.

It's very hard to get a judge of your personality. The way you carry yourself makes a big difference and that's very hard to guage online.

But this 100% no attention online. In person I get a decent amount. Most girls I know personally have shown interest.

inkybreadbox · 2022-01-04T20:14:29+00:00

I have matched with a couple people on OLD because I had already seen them around town and knew what they were like, not sure I would have otherwise. Also, I saw an old coworker on OLD with HORRIBLE photos and profile, but he was actually fairly attractive and a nice guy in person.

A lot of attractiveness doesn’t really translate into photos and text for some men, and I’m sure women too.

JSears90210 · 2022-01-04T20:39:52+00:00

Connection is so different in person. Most people have their idea of what they want in a partner on paper but that goes out the window when they connect with someone IRL.

Also, men will throw out likes for a lot of women. Women they never intend to meet or women they are intending to just have a sexual relationship with. If a woman has a bunch of handsome & successful men matching with her she is not necessarily going to give guys who aren't as desirable a chance like she may IRL.

DreamsOfWishes · 2022-01-04T20:41:50+00:00

There's more then good looks to attract women, but not on OLD. On OLD it's just good looks.

DeJuanBallard · 2022-01-04T21:01:31+00:00

Gun, cause they can't handle rejection.

rurunoa · 2022-01-04T21:50:14+00:00

i think many people look much better in person and also that girls usually know better how to take and edit pictures than guys

fools_errand49 · 2022-01-04T22:20:07+00:00

Biologically speaking the male traits that most indicate fitness for reproduction to women are not observable with the eye. You can't tell how competent, emotionally regulated, extroverted, intelligent etc that guy is without interacting with him or at least observing him in action. Humans were never designed to meet online and that's a major part of our current mating dysfunction in developed nations.

richerBoomer · 2022-01-04T23:30:28+00:00

Because the odds suck online.

swaggyquack · 2022-01-04T23:49:44+00:00

Women do what they feel. It’s easier for them To feel attracted to you in person when so many other things are at play whereas online they have to feel attracted to you via a picture. Unfortunately they really are just that short sighted.

badgersonice · 2022-01-04T23:55:24+00:00

I don’t think it’s a virtue signaling thing, it’s a truth that men struggle to understand.

I maintain that women pull more from other attraction cues more heavily than most men recognize: movement, smell, sound of a guy’s voice, presence (how he takes up space— this kinda vague, but it’s a thing in performing arts where some people just take more up space on stage, I dunno), charisma, and vibe.

Because OLD is mostly just still images, it comes across as oddly sterile to women. I don’t think most women are easily turned on by flat dull photos, so men are shooting themselves in the foot if the rely on OLD.

And on top of that, a lot of guys really do. not. get. just how poorly their OLD pics represent them to potential “customers”, if you will.

Like, for an especially bad example, I saw one dude on OKCupid way back in the med 2010s who had selected as his one profile pic: a laptop-selfie lit by one fluorescent overhead dorm light (probably a dorm?) and screen-glow while slouching with a dull expression. Just… whhhhy?

Like, there’s decent odds that guy would do better in real life if he has any appealing qualities whatsoever. Because how could he do worse?

Yupperdoodledoo · 2022-01-05T00:08:40+00:00

Because we can’t tell from a picture if we like your personality.

neetykeeno · 2022-01-05T02:21:01+00:00

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_medium_is_the_message

Here...you guys like Canadian philosophers right? Well Peterson is not the only one

Vicky-3 · 2022-01-05T02:50:32+00:00

They feel vibes mostly. FEELING is the key.

Frosty-Gate-8094 · 2022-01-05T03:42:51+00:00

Its comes down to the number of options...

Online, they have thousands of options. In person, there are only a few options.

You might be best choice among a handful of men, but if there are thousands, you will just be an average guy among them.
Makes sense?

Willow-girl · 2022-01-05T04:09:29+00:00

I'm a writer ... I connect with people through words. Since the internet became a thing, all of my relationships have started online. Coincidence? I think not.

ginzalo_ · 2022-01-05T08:06:05+00:00

This tbh

This is What fucks with your brain as a Guy of u only try to get dates through dating apps

billsull_02842 · 2022-01-07T06:03:36+00:00

because your not photogenic?

Zerofication · 2022-01-04T17:49:07+00:00

Easily explained if women were viewed as a commodity. Their selectivity (price) increases online because of the increased number of approaching men (demand), irl the number of approaching men (demand) decreases, so does their selectivity (price).

Bekiala · 2022-01-04T20:24:48+00:00

I heard a trans-woman describe her sexuality as a woman as way more wholistic than her sexuality as a man. I took that to mean more complex with more nuances.

Title	“ I would have never went out with him if I did not meet him in person and saw his profile online”.
Author	Terrorinthecity1
Upvotes	77
Comments	300
Date	January 4, 2022 4:32 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/rvygr1/i_would_have_never_went_out_with_him_if_i_did_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/i-would-have-never-went-out-with-him-if-i-did-not.1094633 https://theredarchive.com/post/1094633

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