Q4W: Have you ever been pumped and dumped?

11psyche11 · 2022-03-30T06:00:55+00:00

That's the story of how I lost my virginity. He literally never spoke to me again, so I got ghosted on top of the condom breaking, asking the pharmacist for a Plan B and paying for the whole thing! (We were both 16 years old at the time, age of consent in my state.)

WYenginerdWY · 2022-03-30T17:37:26+00:00

Thankfully I've never been pumped and dumped with sex, but my sister essentially was. Guy lied and lied and lied through his teeth, treated her like a girlfriend, got her to give him her virginity..... and then bailed.

FlamingCoochies · 2022-03-30T14:16:27+00:00

It's probably more common among among teens than adults. There's no need to lie anymore. People hook up and are open about their intentions.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-03-30T15:36:28+00:00

Nope. I was warned about that long before I started having sex. Unless the casual nature of sex is mutually established, I never have sex until I'm 100% sure he's invested in the relationship.

briiiana1122 · 2022-03-30T05:47:20+00:00

Nope.

I don’t know of many friends who have either. Some who wanted relationships with men who clearly said they didn’t want that but would be casual and for some reason the women thought they could change their minds… but that’s not the same at all in my mind, either. The definition here is about deceit and lying

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-03-30T05:05:37+00:00

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Flightlessbirbz · 2022-03-30T22:36:41+00:00

No, in my case I noticed a slight drop in interest after the first time we had sex, but he decided to play the string along game instead and we continued to see each other for a while till I realized what was going on. Which imo is much worse since it wastes a lot more of your time. I think a lot of women don’t realize that it’s more common for men to try to keep you around as a FWB or placeholder rather than fully ghost after sex. It’s not always so black and white, players and narcissists operate in the gray areas and will continue to extract whatever it is they want from you until they’re done. And why take sex once if you can keep getting it and also extract their emotional resources? As long as they can get girlfriend benefits without having to clearly, openly commit to an exclusive relationship, they will.

mTrashCat · 2022-03-30T06:29:17+00:00

Yeah :(

We were classmates who gradually started hanging out more and more after class. We hung out together on the weekends, went out to eat dinner together, and the vibe turned more intimate and romantic as the months passed.

I knew I was developing feelings for him, and after one hangout session we kissed.

I called him the next day and told him full transparency that I liked him, and that I wasn’t interested in casual sex/casual relationships.

I told him that if he didn’t have any real feelings for me, or intentions to date, it was no worries or pressure, that we could just end any further development with that kiss.

He said he liked me too, and listened/agreed with everything I said over the phone.

The next time we hung out a few days later, we ended up having sex, and after, we cuddled and talked all night.

In the morning he was a bit cold, but I didn’t put too much stock into it.

He drove me home, and refused to give me a goodbye kiss, but offered a weird side hug instead.

I didn’t hear from him for 4 days, so I called him and asked him what was going on.

He said he never had any intention of dating me, and that he valued his freedom to date other women.

FlamingCoochies · 2022-03-30T04:42:17+00:00

nope.

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2022-03-30T15:46:01+00:00

I’ve hooked up with guys and at the end of the date they’ll say “I’d love to see you again” or “we can do xyz next time” and then I never hear from them again. I lost my virginity to my bf when I was a teenager and he stopped talking to me after for a while until I broke up with him.

I don’t know whats their reasoning for it, I’m sure they all have different reasons, but I’m over it at this point.

Substantial_Video560 · 2022-03-30T07:25:49+00:00

If we're talking about casual sex then yeah. Plenty of times.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-03-30T04:55:40+00:00

LittleDragonMaiden · 2022-03-30T14:07:49+00:00

No, I never have. I waited until marriage. If my husband wanted to dump me I guess he could but it would be quite an expensive process for him.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-03-30T04:47:53+00:00

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FlamingCoochies · 2022-03-30T06:47:46+00:00

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briiiana1122 · 2022-03-30T10:39:03+00:00

I think it’s more of a male power fantasy to FEEL like they’re pump n dumping as an ego boost.

Kittech · 2022-03-30T10:37:19+00:00

Not sure if this is considered a pump and dump but a guy I had been talking to for a few weeks online and we have only met 3 times so far. First time was a normal date, we went to a restaurant, had food and drinks and parted ways and continued to casually text each other every few days. Second time, I asked if he wanted to come over to my place and I had intended to hook up with him and I'm sure he was aware of it. We talked for a bit before we started making out and then hooked up. He hung out for a bit longer but then left as it was fairly late and he had work the next day.

I asked if he wanted to come over again the following weekend and so he did after he got off work. I attempted to make some chit chat like we have before but he pretty much asked if we could just go to my bedroom. Before I could even shut the door to my room, he was already removing all his clothes and just hopped in my bed and told me to get undressed. I was like "oh it's gonna be like that huh?" as I figured we'd at least talk a bit before getting to the deed. After hooking up, he immediately gets dressed and said he has to leave because it was late. I was a bit drunk so I sent him a text saying "wish you could have stayed a bit longer, at least until the end of the movie" (that was playing when we entered my room... he was barely here for over an hour). He replied to me that I am being too dramatic and he can't handle all this drama and unmatched me. I doubt I will see him again but that was the fastest and smallest issue I've experienced with a guy wanting to end communication with me. I am okay with hooking up with him as I find him very attractive, but I don't like how quickly he got offended and ended things. He probably has other options so who knows?

bebestl · 2022-03-30T16:37:35+00:00

No, I’ve never been pumped and dumped.

But when I engage in casual sex, I always make sure I enjoy myself and orgasm. And when I do, the dude is typically left to finish himself off while I go to the bathroom to clean up and then leave. And since they are casual, it’s not exclusive, I always ensure that these encounters happen no more than 3-5 times and I then I end them, and never re-engage.

Edit: also want to further add that if a woman wants to engage in the above strategy please ensure the following:

1.) Be radically honest about who you are and want you want out of this casual encounter. Don’t play yourself thinking you don’t have feelings. If you can’t do casual and be rational, then don’t do it!

1a.) Choose an appropriate partner. My preference are typical FuckBoys. They tend to be physically attractive, have good dick and that’s basically it.

2.) Require STD/STI test before having sex. Look, I know it’s unsexy to have this discussion. But be a grown up and protect yourself.

3.) Make sure you’re enjoying the sex. Otherwise, what is the point???

4.) Don’t be hooking up with the dude multiple times a week. Treat this for what it is: CASUAL. Which also means, it will end! So, have a stopping point and commit to the ending.

5.) Since the sex is good, and you’re not giving up all your free time to the dude…he may be motivated to ask you to be in an exclusive relationship….Do not agree!!!!!!! Once I say we’re done, I mean it, and block and delete.

Casual sex is work, just like all other things. It’s not something to do all the time. Last year, I had only two sexual partners. One was in the context of a relationship and the other was just a rebound. I am only able to engage in the above strategy because I am somewhat emotionally unavailable, and not totally ready for something serious.

Since last October, I have been celibate and will remain so for the rest of the year.

ruboyuri · 2022-03-30T18:10:08+00:00

Most women I know have, myself included. Don’t worry; we all learned our lesson — no more freebies

musings0930 · 2022-03-30T17:52:23+00:00

Yes. Happened to me very recently and its been so distressing. I don’t even know how to respond to it at this point, just felt a varying types of feelings ranging from despair to numbness. Even blamed myself for sometime that maybe I wasn’t good enough lol.

mackenzie013_02 · 2022-03-30T04:51:22+00:00

No. I always knew it was casual when it was casual.

2022-03-30T11:11:09+00:00

Almost pursued a guy who was like that but then I started reading Red Pill stuff, realized what he was and thusly avoided the whole pump and dump thing and got married to the last guy I dated.

houstongradengineer · 2022-03-30T13:19:18+00:00

Never. Only been with my husband. Sex with me doesn't come easy. Half the manosphere crazies would judge me and half would pedastalize me. I don't care. I just care about what I wanted, so I didn't let myself get pumped and dumped. Part of it was also luck because sometimes even longer term connections can fall apart. I exercised every precaution I could, though, because I'm the only person looking out for me.

Forsaken_Software394 · 2022-03-30T14:17:50+00:00

Yes and no?

He was 36 and I 21

Tried to convince me he was 31 when we met (it actually worked because he was in impeccable shape) Tried to convince me that he loved me in order to sleep with me (my dumbass fell for it) After 3 months of his bs he ended up breaking things off because he thought I was immature and got another 21 year old a month later lol Was in therapy for 6 months after that

Trikger · 2022-03-30T06:08:36+00:00

Closest thing to this I've been in was a "situationship" where we kept it going for about a month before he peaced out. It was extremely... confusing? There was also some stupidity on my part, but in my defense, this guy wasn't really a generic "chad" or anything...

AquaChip · 2022-03-30T13:42:59+00:00

No. And I had a college whore phase so I was friends with other college whores. Men pumping and dumping was rare. It was more common for them to mutually agree with a one night stand.

2022-03-30T05:17:21+00:00

Booexgirlfriend · 2022-03-30T07:32:47+00:00

No. I'm not the best example though.
Only one LTR, the man I lost my virginity to.

nobodysomebodyanybdy · 2022-03-30T17:02:19+00:00

Nope. Everyone I’ve slept with, even if it started casually, eventually wanted to pursue a relationship.

rosesonthefloor · 2022-03-30T20:53:10+00:00

No, it hasn’t happened to me. But I did watch it happen to a friend. The guy was friends with another girl we knew, and she told my friend that he was bad news, that he would say anything to get into your pants.

Well, one night he met us all at the bar. And literally charmed the pants right off her. They were making plans for breakfast the next day, everything.

She woke up and he was gone. I felt really bad for her, but like, she was also told that that was exactly what was going to happen :/

Closest I’ve come is hookups where we mutually didn’t pursue anything after, or the one time I had a FWB. I wanted a relationship, he didn’t, cool, we ended things. Does that count lol?

LiftSushiDallas · 2022-03-31T02:25:32+00:00

I have never been pumped and dumped. I've had short-term relationships where we see each other for 2-3 months and then one or both of us fade, but that's not a big deal. I had exactly ONE one night stand in my life and there was no expectation of a relationship from that.

To get pumped and dumped a woman really has to convince herself the man wants something more than sex. Some men are very good at being deceptive but generally in my opinion these men are rare.

It's far, FAR more likely to me that the woman convinced HERSELF the man wanted or was open to more, and then got angry when this wasn't the case.

FlamingCoochies · 2022-03-30T08:04:50+00:00

I would have if I agreed to do anything casual with a man. Let me face it: I have an average face, I usually wear baggy clothes so there is not much revealing, he will go by my face. I know most men won’t approach me with a LTR mindset when they see me, they will likely decide what I am worth after getting to know me. If ypu are not dumped, you are his 3th, 5th backup plan, that’s the status of an average looking, shy, Introverted, nerdy woman.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-03-30T06:11:38+00:00

Haha I’m 23f and have pumped and dumped a couple guys. A fwb I guess you could call him, asked me to come over late one night, and so I did. I came over we hooked up, and as he cleaning himself up I left. No goodbye, no thanks, or anything. He texted me later on and was like “you left without saying goodbye or anything.” I didn’t even put much thought into it. It’s kinda funny sometimes seeing a guy get upset over being pumped and dumped.

neetykeeno · 2022-03-30T11:37:01+00:00

I wish I had been. That's a fuck of a lot better than some dude who isn't totally serious marrying you and then being a passive aggressive piece of shit until you kick him to the curb.

AtTheEnd777 · 2022-03-30T13:43:22+00:00

I found out that that was my ex planned on doing but changed his mind after the sex. I left him for his friend when he told me. I do appreciate men who help hurt shitty men.

iwasneverherehaha · 2022-03-30T17:32:27+00:00

A mans role is to earn the romantic/sex from a women that's why we doing the chasing.

It's a womens role to give us a reason to stay, if he walks out after sex there was probably nothing else shown to offer

C4yourshelf · 2022-03-30T07:55:07+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2022-03-30T06:30:49+00:00

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delight-n-angers · 2022-03-30T07:51:20+00:00

36f and nope.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-03-30T13:10:32+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2022-03-30T14:11:03+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2022-03-30T18:49:53+00:00

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FIVE_6_MAFIA · 2022-03-31T03:24:49+00:00

This actually happens in real life? Wow, some men are truly demented sociopaths...I can't comprehend it.

If I have sex with a woman, that increases my desire to see her again a hundredfold...

That's sad that women have to deal with that, and it looks like there's no way to prevent it.

I've been used by a woman for money and then dumped, but I think getting pumped and dumped is worse.

wtknight · 2022-03-30T10:57:21+00:00

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2022-03-30T06:36:37+00:00

Nope, I’ve only been with my fiancé like that.

extrachromozomes · 2022-03-30T06:47:18+00:00

Kizka · 2022-03-30T06:47:44+00:00

Nope, with all my sexual encounters we were on the same page about what we expected from it. I never felt used or that I was lead on. When it was just sex, it was just sex for both parties. When feelings were involved, it also came from both.

Lyvicious · 2022-03-30T07:33:23+00:00

Nah.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-03-30T07:44:27+00:00

Nah. I only had one casual/ons and I knew what it was from the start.

Honestly it happens, but not as frequently as is stated and becomes even less likely as a woman gets older because they learn the game. Unless they get desperate, but I've only met 2 women like that. And honestly... For pretty obvious reasons.

jasmine_tea_ · 2022-03-30T09:48:44+00:00

You know now that I think about it.. I think I've only been truly pumped and dumped once, and then the guy changed his mind and wanted to see me again. This all happened multiple times with the same guy. We were in an on-and-off relationship for many years.

In all other cases, the guy's desire for a LTR was never properly established, or they changed their mind and didn't want to continue seeing me.

Donut-Worry-Be-Happy · 2022-03-30T11:17:06+00:00

Nope! This has not happened to any close friends of mine either. In my circle it’s when dating a lot of men want to keep it casual when the women are hoping for exclusivity, but not dumping them.

Hjelmert · 2022-03-30T11:35:38+00:00

No. I wasn't interested enough in sex/men for that to happen to me prior to getting with my boyfriend. He was supposed to be a FWB but we fucked around and fell in love.

I only know of 1 of my female friends who have been actually pumped & dumped but afaik it was more of a one night stand type of deal but she caught feelings. But that doesn't fit the definition in your post so idk.

I do have some male friends who have been hurt by their date fooling around with other men because committment was assumed but not agreed upon.

Substantial_Wasabi · 2022-03-30T11:54:39+00:00

No i've never had a guy lead me on making me think he wanted a relationship then ghosting after sex. I do agree that i think that actual thing happening is rare and most people don't have the balls to do that to someone else. I've had sex with men or done sexual things with them and then ghosted them after because i didn't like it though but i never told them i wanted to be their gf. I think alot of times when people switch up after sex it hurts the other person's ego because they feel they werent hot or good enough, not really their feelings.

funlightmandarin · 2022-03-30T12:08:14+00:00

Nope, haven't experienced it.

ohdiddly · 2022-03-30T12:39:23+00:00

Nope, I’ve always been upfront about my intentions so I expect the same from the people I fuck.

2022-03-30T12:50:03+00:00

TwoFirmFeet · 2022-03-30T12:54:05+00:00

Lmaooo

brk_1 · 2022-03-30T13:02:10+00:00

look it happens both ways.

look the problem its girl says i want a long term relationship, and the dude is me neither

but both are exploring if i dont like some things iam leaving.

sometimes you develop an sexual tensión and do what it takes to relieve it in both ways and after that you leave; because you arent interested.

i guess young people is romantic and want to make an soup opera from everything and go pragmatic with experience.

thetruthishere_ · 2022-03-30T13:09:09+00:00

No. Ive only been in long terms.

2022-03-30T13:14:30+00:00

Nope

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-03-30T13:19:06+00:00

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SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-03-30T13:35:14+00:00

Yes it’s happened but not for a very long time. I grew up and realised I needed to be more aware

2022-03-30T14:30:10+00:00

No I haven't.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-03-30T14:31:14+00:00

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sarkington · 2022-03-30T14:55:35+00:00

Yes, and I’ve also been dumped for not pumping

Great lessons

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-03-30T15:32:04+00:00

Nope.

2022-03-30T17:02:34+00:00

Nope.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2022-03-30T18:01:54+00:00

Ah nah not really. I had casual things here and there but I didn't expect or want much

2022-03-30T18:37:01+00:00

No, never happened to me

Katatonicsnake · 2022-03-30T20:02:24+00:00

Meh. I don’t think most men are clever enough to pull that off. I don’t know anyone who has gone through that. In my experience, it’s usually men who want relationships.

bees-and-stuff · 2022-03-30T20:55:52+00:00

That’s how I lost my virginity lol but he might have been gay???

Careless-Parfait-587 · 2022-03-30T21:01:26+00:00

It has nothing with leading someone on.. Pump and dump is just having sex and forgetting.

nemma88 · 2022-03-30T23:16:40+00:00

No. Closest is a guy lying about... Well everything about himself really which was a crazy web of lies that came tumbling down, but he still wanted the relationship.

Oli_love90 · 2022-03-31T00:28:59+00:00

Nope, I’m my encounters with guys its always been pretty clear as to what was expected.

silkPJson · 2022-03-31T01:13:18+00:00

2022-03-31T23:19:30+00:00

Never happened to me, I'm not someone they pick for this reason.

I know maybe three women that this has happened to.

2022-03-31T23:27:17+00:00

i think its extremely common?

2022-04-01T03:09:46+00:00

Yes, a guy who I wasn’t super interested in messaged and pursued me for months. He was very attractive but I could tell he was a bit of a party boy and I felt like he wasn’t the relationship type. He seemed to actually want to get to know me and would say things like how we should go away together etc. Eventually I went on a date and after that became emotionally involved. The next date against my better judgment I slept with him and immediately regretted it because his demeanour changed. He never organised another date and I knew he was only in it for sex. Lesson learned to trust my gut instinct.

Crafty-Particular998 · 2022-04-01T13:03:35+00:00

Not pumped and dumped as such, but I had a guy pretend to want a relationship with me for 8 months for sex, and the guilt destroyed him. He even ended up crying over it.

HeNeedsSomeMelk · 2022-04-09T16:55:01+00:00

Once, and it wasn't some "chad" type like most people would assume

2022-04-19T04:48:27+00:00

Kind of but not full sex. A dude did some foreplay with me when he was staying over, prior to this he was acting like we were friends forever etc, but when I asked if he wanted to date he ghosted me and turns out he has a lot of female ‘friends’. I was more pissed he lied about being friends since he never talked to me again. Thankfully I didn’t go further but it definitely hurt to be lied to. That experience made me save my virginity for my fiancé

Title	Q4W: Have you ever been pumped and dumped?
Author	FlamingCoochies
Upvotes	73
Comments	364
Date	March 30, 2022 4:38 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/tryfbo/q4w_have_you_ever_been_pumped_and_dumped/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-have-you-ever-been-pumped-and-dumped.1109469 https://theredarchive.com/post/1109469

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