Man withholds a 12.5K bonus from his SAHM wife because she didnt share the 200$ she made on Etsy (the first time in 7 years she earned anything). Be careful not to marry miserly men who loathe you.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2022-03-30T03:16:28+00:00

OF COURSE she's a "spender" and there are kids. A man who would get angry over $200 of Etsy sales, while waiting on his own $12,500 bonus, is exactly the sort of asshole who thinks things like bath mats and winter coats that fit properly are unnecessary.

ceramicunicorn · 2022-03-30T02:52:24+00:00

Oh for goodness sake. Just don’t be married then, and outside of court ordered alimony and child support, keep your mon- oh wait.

aquietsword · 2022-03-30T03:10:11+00:00

I can't imagine asking the question in the first place. If I made a salary that supported a whole family and got me a 12.5k bonus, I can't imagine even asking how my parter was going to allocate the 200 made from their hobby. The only way this happens is if you don't actually love the person and don't actually appreciate what they contribute to the household.

The comment about how being a full time mom is work and is in some ways harder sounds an awful lot like what "progressive" men have learned to say but don't believe. It's like he doesn't empathize at all with what sacrificing your career might feel like. I really hope I never have to deal with a robotic asshole like this.

JulyParade · 2022-03-30T02:55:59+00:00

Funny how men throw around their "principles" when it comes to controlling women. I bet she started selling on Etsy after losing herself to motherhood. She finally had something of her own (he already has a career and likely a life outside of parenting as well). Instead of being the bigger man he's being petty af.

devilooo · 2022-03-30T06:08:25+00:00

This is why I would never ever want to be dependent on anyone ever again. My own dad used to dangle “i’ll kick you out at 18” speech everytime I didnt conform his rules. Mind you, I was always a perfect student and the only thing I did wrong was talk back at his mysoginistic remarks… That’s when I swore no man would hold that power over me ever again.

Confidence_Relative · 2022-03-30T04:15:33+00:00

He has a 401K she doesn’t!! She needs a lawyer to “aggressively negotiate” for her. I can imagine if he is this shitty over a couple hundred bucks, it’s the tip of the iceberg with struggle she has to get money for basics like food.

oscine23 · 2022-03-30T04:38:00+00:00

He actually wants to “see how to allocate” $200? Put that change towards a do it yourself divorce kit.

Kylie_Fan · 2022-03-30T02:52:27+00:00

A good compromise is when both sides are happy with the deal, not when neither of them is! 🤪 Male logic.

m00n5t0n3 · 2022-03-30T06:13:22+00:00

Why did he want her $100 lol

4E4ME · 2022-03-30T03:41:28+00:00

He wants to negotiate allocating $200? Petty af.

emziewemziee · 2022-03-30T07:41:59+00:00

what i’m hearing here is that this man has been financially controlling her for years to the point where she starts to sell her things to have extra spending money, and then gets pissed when she wants to spend it? how is her £200 comparable to 12.5k?? what a horrible and manipulative man

rainbowhelix · 2022-03-30T07:01:47+00:00

Oh he's "jUst a NuMBeRZ nERd" /S

Coincidentally, one of my worst LVM bosses ever was "jUst a DaTA gUy".

Immediate red flag.

preppykat3 · 2022-03-30T03:50:26+00:00

I couldn’t bring myself to read it. I just think he’s a disgusting pig and I hope she leaves him soon.

aclick1999 · 2022-03-30T03:47:22+00:00

My hubby makes 1k a year on his fantasy football bets. Could you IMAGINE the male outrage if I asked him to split that amount with me? People are allowed to have their little pleasures without being shat all over.

This poor woman is trying to get autonomy and a hobby and her shitty husband thinks of ripping her off instead of gassing her up.

Men like this don't deserve an iota of familial love.

Die alone with your pettiness.

deadinsidelol69 · 2022-03-30T12:26:34+00:00

Let's translate this: "I'm financially abusive towards my wife, she attempted to make her own money in hopes I wouldn't be such a controlling asshole about it. I decided to punish her for trying to get some independence from me. Why is she mad?"

My stepfather was like this. He made over 100k a year and I had once saved about 500 bucks, he found out and flew into an absolute rage that I didn't give it all to him instantly. He attempted to charge me 600/month in rent for a bedroom that was barely big enough to fit my bed. He would take half of every paycheck I made claiming I was costing him that amount every month by living there and being a "mooch".

I can spot a financially abusive guy from a mile away, and this dude is a dead ringer.

windowseat4life · 2022-03-30T07:07:14+00:00

Men want a stay at home mom purely for the control they have over her. No one could ever convince me otherwise. I've seen too many women trapped in abusive relationships / marriages because they're stay at home moms which means they don't have a job or money of their own & it's difficult for them to even get a job because they've been out of the work force too long (which is complete bullshit, but that's another conversation).

This OP clearly wants control over his wife & when she didn't allow that (over a measly $200) he punished her by withholding finances.

equilibum · 2022-03-30T06:14:40+00:00

"It's not about the money" - no of course it's not, it's about controlling your wife. ugh

ItsFreezen · 2022-03-30T11:44:30+00:00

Married men get paid more. He got a bonus because of his wife's hard work at home taking care of the domestic side and raising his kids. This Scrote is financially abusive.

smolcontrolledbursts · 2022-03-30T06:30:44+00:00

Anyone know which Etsy store? I feel like we could make it a whole lot more than $200.

yoursultana · 2022-03-30T16:54:20+00:00

Men are so fucking evil. They willingly marry women they hate just so they can torture them like this.

queeninprogress · 2022-03-30T06:47:17+00:00

She gets more spending money does she. Is that for her, or for her AND the children? Cheap asshole, reminds me of my father

LogicalStomach · 2022-03-30T09:46:02+00:00

A 24/7 nanny earns over 150K in the US plus room and board. A full time housekeeper 70–85K. A personal chef/cook, I'm not sure. She can check with top notch placement agencies like Town and Country when she compiles her billing statement.

I hope she adds in surrogacy fees, negotiates a yearly paid vacation, and insists on getting set up in her own bedroom. But really I'd rather she gets her own house and a divorce.

XOXabiXOX · 2022-03-30T04:41:51+00:00

I bet she’s been forced to monetise her hobby because he won’t budget enough money for her and or their kids. I hope she wakes up and leaves this useless scrote.

ohmira · 2022-03-30T16:47:09+00:00

Couldn’t just be happy for her and let her enjoy the fact she made money from nothing… had to take her down a notch immediately. She was hurt (as intended) and got protective over the tiny bit she made (probs more protective over the idea of the $200 and what it meant for her - no suffocating financial oversight).

Could have celebrated and encouraged her new source of income, but that would take away his power. Can’t have that…

Heteronormative relationships are terrifying for women tbh.

alpinepunch2021 · 2022-03-30T16:40:03+00:00

Given that she made her kids and he didn't, she should just divorce him and hide them from him based on his own 'if I made it it's mine and not yours' principle 🤷🏽‍♀️

hilariouslystated · 2022-03-30T21:11:40+00:00

If he's getting a $12,000 bonus then he's gotta be earning well over six-figures. $200 is nothing in the bigger picture and he's a nasty scrote. The only mistake she made was telling him about her $200.

eatapeach18 · 2022-03-30T16:38:48+00:00

I sell stuff from my wardrobe on Poshmark. I’ve recouped thousands of dollars from selling my stuff over the past several years. If my husband told me to give him half or to put that money in our joint account, I would laugh in his face. I purchased all of my clothes using my own money, and most of my pieces were from before we got married.

This loser allocates an “allowance” or a budget for his wife to spend on whatever she wants, and clearly it’s not enough if she’s clutching on to a measly $200. Mommy wants a relaxing day at the spa… that’s gonna cost over $200. And she earned it by selling crafts, of which the supplies were purchased using her “allowance.” Low value scum.

ML200 · 2022-03-30T03:19:32+00:00

"Aggressively negotiate" Someone didn't learn to share in his childhood.

generallynothing · 2022-03-30T17:59:07+00:00

The whole thing angered me, but the bit that got me was "I was proud of her for making money from her hobby." It belittles the time, effort, care and costs that she's put in to providing a service. Even if it started out as a hobby she's literally creating something for someone in exchange for money. THATS WORK. My ex once told me that my career choice was just a hobby and I was livid. Being creative is a job, whatever the income. I hope she leaves his sorry ass.

LizzyLady1111 · 2022-03-30T04:05:32+00:00

Lol I went over there and literally downvoted all his comments. It’s infuriating because he’s over there gaslighting by saying “she actually gets more money than me because she pays for more stuff” it’s most likely for the kids because she’s a SAHM. Also other people are on there gaslighting by saying “well it’s the principle, you either share the money or you don’t, you can’t have it both ways”, it’s like can’t you see the inequality here? SMH

Thunderbird_Freya · 2022-03-30T04:47:25+00:00

You’ve got to be kidding. 200$ is pocket money, why should she share that little amount with a man who earns more money than her. This is why I’m creeped out when it comes to marrying or living together with men, it’s clear they have the “Whats yours is mine and what’s mine is mine” mentality. In Most marriages men are stingy no matter how much money they earn, the only time men are generous is when they want sex or impress the next gold digger. That’s why I tell women not to rely on men financially. They are scum and enjoy the financial control. Chase careers and money chases you, chase men and misery chases you.

stuckinmyheadwithme · 2022-03-30T17:47:14+00:00

Aaand... this is how my SO behaves.

Soon to be ex SO.

Know your worth ladies, cause they won't show it to you.

modernmedusaa · 2022-03-31T01:19:24+00:00

He does not want her making any money

Because that would allow her to exit easier

He wants control & it’s likely he’s insecure & knows she could do much better than him

Specialist-Ebb7606 · 2022-03-30T05:49:32+00:00

This guy thinks a haircut is considered a fun extra item so basically he is incredibly strict with allowances

rorozansta · 2022-03-30T17:29:57+00:00

Whenever I see these posts by men on Reddit asking for advice, I just KNOW they’re exaggerating the details to make them seem less of an asshole. Come on man, the difference between what you both earned is $12,300. Stop being petty 🙄

PM_ME_KITTY_PIC5 · 2022-03-30T04:15:30+00:00

He thinks his 401k is just his lmfao

VetOrRegret · 2022-03-30T05:21:22+00:00

This man is incredibly cheap. I don’t understand why he would give a care about her $200 when he is clearly making a whole lot more than that, plus bonuses. It sounds like she has to fight him for every penny.

He sounds like the type of guy who would throw a fit over the kid getting sick and her getting the prescription as written, instead of asking for generic drugs.

2022-03-30T06:30:44+00:00

If I were this woman, I would find a job overseas and leave him and his kids. I know that sounds harsh, but things aren’t going to end well for this lady. Mark my words.

Thatsgrandlad · 2022-03-30T09:19:37+00:00

All of this for 200 dollars ? Even 2000 would be a drop of water for them. That guy has serious issues. I feel so sorry for her.

Confusedmillennial18 · 2022-03-30T15:23:31+00:00

That’s why you get an allowance and save like 50% of that money in a secret bank account.. always come into a marriage with secret money and always bank the money he gives you monthly… I say have enough secret money to get you by for at least a year if you have to up and move if he is abusive or just a total d*ck head… Always have your own and take his too!!

gamerguuuurl · 2022-03-30T19:32:14+00:00

And this is why 50/50 is bullshit. It literally NEVER translates to 50/50

Main_Manner_2904 · 2022-03-30T20:26:23+00:00

Okay didn’t read the whole thing bc it’s long, but when he claims his wife is a spender, my first thought is she’s probably not a spender, she’s probably the one handling the mental load of purchasing what they need to run the household given she’s a SAHM, and he nitpicks her purchase choices.

I’ve seen too many men shit on their wives for buying things like very reasonably priced home decor at Ross/TJ Maxx, a somewhat expensive, but extremely useful house appliance such as a vacumop or roomba (that ends up saving the owner so many hours of labor cleaning it pays for itself many times over), new clothes for the kids at the start of the school year, etc. If it were up to them and they had no wife, they’d live in a dirty house that looks like a jail cell. Their SAHM wife is the one who turned the house into a home and keeps things clean and running, but since the men pay for the items the wife uses to do this w/ their 9-5, they completely discount all the mental & physical labor she puts into keeping things that way.

Sorry, but as long as men are buying vacumops & kitchen appliances for their wives as Christmas gifts and acting like the high price of the item means he’s spoiling her, then I don’t trust their judgment when they call their SAHM a frivolous spender. As long as men have the audacity to say things like “I pay this mortgage, I bought everything in this house” and beat their chest when arguing w/ their wives; I don’t trust their judgment at all.

And another thing, from the first paragraph you can clearly see he treats his wife as below him and is disrespectful, yet this $200 was so important to her, she fought w/ a very likely abusive partner for the rights to keep her money. If the wife was a frivolous spender, she really wouldn’t give a fuck about $200. It wouldn’t even be brought up. You cannot convince me that this poor SAHM who’s industrious enough to craft and market items on Etsy in a desperate attempt to have some of her own money has a spending problem.

It’s really fucking sad she doesn’t seem to have spending money for herself in their budget to begin with because the thought of an adult having to go through another adult to even buy a $5 item like when they were a child is just so sad and dehumanizing. 50% of “his” money is rightfully hers with all of her labor, so after their essentials & savings are budgeted, 50% of what’s left should be her spending money.

And also, I guarantee you she’s doing a fuck ton of labor because starting an Etsy shop and sticking with it is hard work. Most people get motivated, then either lose steam while making the products or lose steam once their shop goes up and they aren’t really getting sales. This woman made her shop, then did the work marketing & branding herself until she sold $200. That’s a ton of money for Etsy. She is a highly self-motivated & disciplined person - this alone tells you she’s not sitting around eating bonbons & watching trash TV. If you measured the labor she gets done in a year by market value, I wouldn’t be surprised if it came out to more than her husband’s.

freerollerskates · 2022-03-31T00:04:30+00:00

So much of a "number's nerd" that he can't use a fucking apostrophe properly. Busy spelling BOOBIES on your calculator in English class, were we?

ChickenRiceSoup · 2022-03-30T03:51:49+00:00

Financial abuse on top of other abuse. She's his prisoner, not his wife.

Ambiru · 2022-03-30T08:17:50+00:00

You know what I’m reading?

“I probably forced my wife to give up everything in order to be a 50s housewife and now I’m mad she’s making change money on a hobby of hers.”

MALE DEPRAVITY TO ITS EXTREMEST

queenoshi · 2022-03-30T12:58:05+00:00

He has shown her that he is capable of, and purposefully will, punish her for "defying" him (trying to have a life outside of being his bangmaid) by withholding finances. This isn't just him being an asshole - it's him letting her know that she better do what he says, or he'll happily withdraw her access to their "shared" income.

If I were her, I would RUN.

Electronic_Library_5 · 2022-03-30T17:03:06+00:00

He's a number nerd. Don't you get it? Lmao. My ex was a "logical man, looks at the data to decide, not moved by his emotions". Huge red flag right there.

thewineyourewith · 2022-03-30T17:10:36+00:00

What do you want to bet she spent the $200 on more craft supplies. I also love that he hid the true amount of his bonus. It’s $12.5k AFTER tax withholdings, which means it’s probably a $20k bonus.

whenth3bowbreaks · 2022-03-30T17:19:53+00:00

Huh... since it is "their" money yet he is the one making 99.999% (his words) the money then he does not see her contributions as labor. She works for free and "their money" is really his money since he was so quick to add that he earns it all.

She should hand him a monthly invoice of her emotional, managerial, planning, and household labor and expect that to be remunerated in cash, then.

IchBinPlatzEinsJa · 2022-03-30T18:08:10+00:00

Does it hurt to be so anal retentively cheap? How is he able to pass a bowel movement being so tight?

Good lord. „She didn’t share her 100 to me from her hobby she enjoys when not doing all of the child rearing, cleaning, secretary and assistant work, hooker, therapist.“

Cherry_Shampayne · 2022-03-30T18:36:26+00:00

God, men are sooo petty. They absolutely love to pull the "well I'm just doing what you did."

missyanne1 · 2022-03-30T21:59:44+00:00

My aunt is in a relationship like this. My uncle isn’t making six figures but their comfortable enough that she’s always been a stay at home mom. First of all they started dating when she was 18 and he was 30. They got married and had kids right away. She never had her own income and needed permission to spend money. The kids got a little older so she went back to school and got her LPN. She was so happy at first. She saved her money and bought new furniture he said no to. But he bought whatever toy he wants. He was not happy with the fact that she worked long days and got home two hours after him. He missed coming home to the housework being done and dinner on the table. Then he was shocked when she expected him to pick up the slack. It got so stressful she eventually quit her job.

Puzzled-Survey-6886 · 2022-03-30T02:55:59+00:00

I’d be willing to bet that she is the “spender” because she alone buys every single thing the kids and household need. It’s really easy to set a tight budget when you have no idea what all the kids require and how much it costs.

pinkjanuary8 · 2022-03-30T04:01:33+00:00

Lol what? These posts are insane idk how they get someone to marry him. Even the retirement accounts - he has a 401k and “they both have Roths”? So he has two retirement accounts and she has one. And it’s kinda implied but I’m not completely certain he’s saying he’s funding hers.

Anyway, I never need more reasons to de center men but here’s more

mr_bumplastic · 2022-03-30T04:33:44+00:00

I don't want to even think about when the kids are older and need expenses!

Grappling with cheap parents nd ill fitting clothing for graduations (cause they will grow into it!)... Like sir! The formal is in a month, not 3years!!

It is something I still have nightmares about!

my_perfectshadow · 2022-03-30T04:36:41+00:00

as soon as i read "im the saver and shes the spender" i rolled my eyes into my skull, and of course it was absurd. id feel pathetic if i was so butthurt over $100 lol

2022-03-30T09:55:58+00:00

It felt like being a SAHM mom was almost an afterthought to him.

hjghjnhfyj · 2022-03-30T09:55:58+00:00

How can you withhold something that is your own?

sleeplessbeauty101 · 2022-03-30T10:30:17+00:00

I feel sick. I bet the way he asked for the 200 bucks was like an asshole which made her dig in.

Ughh why are men.

CassiopeiaDwarf · 2022-03-30T17:28:33+00:00

Honestly i dont know what to say other than women just have to make sure they can support themselves. They can NOT rely on men for anything

Clowdyday · 2022-03-30T18:39:48+00:00

Yep that control over finances sounds so familiar to the language my ex used. If he was mad all the things we bought me with his paycheque were his again.

pukubr · 2022-03-30T18:59:36+00:00

First of all, if men are grieving that women don't want to be SAHM moms anymore, they are 10,000% responsible for this based on how shitty they treat them, if I can't make this any more clear for the scrotes in the back. Feminism didn't "ruin" marriages, it gave them an escape route.

Second, I wish there was an undo button that returns children gently to their creator, as if they were never born (not in a murder kind of way) because this type of cretin doesn't deserve a family, doesn't deserve his DNA being passed on. I'm certain she's doing way more housework than is let on. If that's being harsh, my reasoning is that as soon as men get what they want, they take it for granted. So instead, we must take our harshness in the beginning by vetting ruthlessly before letting such a petty, spineless miser replicate. Yes, I call him spineless, because as soon as his feelings are hurt all of a sudden "principles" matter, whereas before, the principle of being a generous provider was what he portrayed.

Sudden_Relative · 2022-03-30T19:06:38+00:00

What a petty scrote. I cringe thinking about the poor woman who has to share a bed with him.

XxShananiganxX · 2022-03-30T19:10:28+00:00

"Her monthly spending" aye, there's the rub. And this scrote wanted her 200$ 🤢 Lordy, please help these ignorant obtuse men into the thinking corner where they perpetually belong.

natalie2k8 · 2022-03-30T14:43:23+00:00

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