What is the appeal of submission in women?

bottleblank · 2022-06-19T03:19:28+00:00

I'm a man, I just want an equal partnership. I don't wish to dominate, nor be dominated.

I am a person, the hypothetical woman I would like to date is a person, we each have our own likes, dislikes, desires, preferences, goals, and so on.

That's fine. Be that. We can enjoy being together without dictating anything to the other.

Perhaps that makes me "passive", I don't know, but why not seek that balance and fairness?

hyperlinktoZelda_v2 · 2022-06-19T04:06:53+00:00

Beats me man. I want a grown ass woman that fights by my side, not a child I have to shepard.

vogel777 · 2022-06-19T02:22:03+00:00

So in my experience we all have a mix of masculine and feminine qualities or energy. I think we are attracted to or gravitate towards people who compliment us, and perhaps provide strength in our weak spots and vice versa.

I think that's why a one size fits all model like red pill is not much use because we're all different and trying to shoe horn yourself into an artificial mode of presenting in relationships is potentially going to alienate you from your best matches. They see a false version of you who doesn't attract them where the real you would have.

I think people of both sexes overvalue having a general broad appeal to the highest number of the opposite sex as opposed to having an very intense appeal to the much smaller number of people who would actually be a great partner for you.

catniagara · 2022-06-19T12:18:53+00:00

I think it’s a PC thing guys say when they really mean they don’t want to be with a total ratchet bich. But the same guys actively choose those women by driving away those of us with kind personalities. Because they’re usually over-reaching trying to be whatever they think an “alpha” is, they tend to put off anyone with a shy or mild personality. They work against themselves.

TarantulaWhisperer · 2022-06-19T06:13:11+00:00

I’m not into submissive women at all but I guess some guys enjoy feeling like leaders and feeling powerful. Perhaps a submissive partner also gives people a sense of control, which can make them feel more secure within the relationship.

Super-Peoplez-S0Lt · 2022-06-19T02:36:23+00:00

I'm not really drawn to what many here perceive as "submissive" women; however, I did have a thing for shy and sensitive women when I was younger due to being shy and sensitive myself. In my first year at university, I had a huge crush on my RA and she was a typical small-town Christian girl Redpillers held up as a model citizen. However, as slowly grew and became a tiny bit more confident in my ability, I have expanded my preferences and I'm more open to women with unconventional and witty personalities especially since I started having more unconventional interests and hobbies and became wittier and cleaver. The last two women I crushed on were intersectional feminists who shared my interest in human rights advocacy. Redpillers would avoid these women like the plague.

Also, I don't subscribe to the binary idea of dominant v. submissive women. This reminds me of the whole nice guy v. bay boy debate when describing men. Much like men, women have diverse and complex personalities. A woman may dominant in one area while being submissive in another area. This equally applies to men and non-binary people. Human social hierarchy is quite complex and it's one of the many reasons why the whole Alpha v. Beta meme is ridiculous.

jackedsoon · 2022-06-19T04:01:48+00:00

Submissive without being pickme and doormat is ideal

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-06-19T12:42:33+00:00

I prefer more feminine men. Always have. That being said I don't want to be in a relationship where anyone leads. I want mutual respect and compromise. My partner and I made a big move during the pandemic and we sat down and discussed it and it just made financial sense. It would position us well to ride out a future recession and lower our stress. I love making decisions together and we both considered each other's feelings during the decision. You're supposed to be a team, an alliance. Decisions made should be for the good of the alliance and agreed upon.

toomim · 2022-06-19T07:18:30+00:00

Let me explain it like this.

I'm an ambitious man, who's worked hard, taken risks, and stuck his neck out for many years, and over those years I've developed a very strong idea for how to live, and what to do with my life. Through experience, trials, and tribulations, I've learned a unique way that works.

This is now how I function. This is how I live. This is who I am.

I can lead others, and take them through difficult terrain, because I have gone through that terrain before — but I've done it my way. I cannot lead them in other ways, because I have not done it that way.

A dominant woman will want to do things her way. If we both cook dinner, we'll be making two entirely different meals. They won't go together. Or we'll have to negotiate on some parameters like "you make the salad and I'll make the meat." But what is the common uniting vision?

If I just make the big decisions, I can choose with my gut, and use my intuition, and my experience. The vision can just happen. If she's submissive, she can follow along and help with that vision.

I love having help with my visions, because they are good ones, because I've spent years refining them, and if I have help with them, they get bigger and better. My mark on the world is bigger and better.

Imagine you want to leave a mark on the world. You can do it a lot better with people helping you along. That's what a submissive woman does.

2022-06-19T13:12:10+00:00

I want an equal. I can see the appeal of control, but I don't want to control others nor be controlled. I want someone to take on the world with me.

Male dom always seemed sus to me, even if my mother was abusive and my father a victim. Controlling another human is just wrong.

Puzzled_Carob_2742 · 2022-06-19T18:32:16+00:00

I just want peace in my relationship, and the only time I’ve ever had that was with a pleasant submissive woman who was happy to go with the flow and follow my lead. It’s not about power. I don’t want power. I want peace, and so called ‘strong independent’ women are usually just assholes.

StrawbabyKitten · 2022-06-19T18:58:51+00:00

My partner is very dominant, he takes care of all the bills, does my taxes, always drives, takes care of me when I’m drunk, leads conversations, orders for me, opens my doors and way more.

I’m very submissive by nature and love a man who takes charge. It’s very attractive to me and makes me feel safe. I do think masculine men have the need to lead and protect. At least the man I attract anyway.

I’m very feminine and submissive so I think that’s what attracts it. I love it. It’s hot

melody_of_ · 2022-06-19T01:39:56+00:00

There is like 0 appeal to me but from my understanding women seek out men with traits that help with leadership and being the "active" partner. And that those men do a lot better in dating in general.

I also recall reading a phrase from someone on this thread.

"It you let a woman lead you in a relationship she will lead you to the end of the relationship ". It makes sense from my own experiences but it's not a super common topic so not enough data.

anon-sucks · 2022-06-19T12:35:03+00:00

Well, my wife is submissive in most things, but she is far from weak. The reason she is submissive is because she trusts me and the decisions I make. What’s appealing about submissive women? When a man earns her trust he doesn’t have to fight her ego for every point made.

Cactus2711 · 2022-06-19T23:46:01+00:00

I love the back and forth dynamic. It's so fulfilling to be a leader - to treat a woman to dinner or an experience, to have her submit her body to you. But then, I love being taken care of too. Having a woman buy me a drink, cook for me, lay in her lap while she runs her hands through my hair etc. It's beautiful to be in a relationship where a woman wants this too.

absoluteidealismftw · 2022-06-20T08:59:42+00:00

If a woman's submission has no appeal for you, no explanation from anyone who does see the appeal will suffice. To me, a woman on her knees before her man is an image of order and beauty.

shadd9 · 2022-06-19T01:58:06+00:00

I also don't get the female fantasy. As a woman, I fucking hate this stupid dominant men archetype. There's no men that I hate more than these rude boring macho guys that only hobbies are smoke and guns.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-06-19T01:07:26+00:00

I've met some women who are conservative in their relationships, and I know the background of where they're coming from. Like them, I was raised with the message that women are inferior to men, incompetent, etc. Unlike them, I eventually stopped agreeing (possibly because I only ever received that message from my dad's side of the family).

What's always heartbreaking is when those women are dumped or divorced (pretty common in my experience, as the kind of man who likes submissive women wants to upgrade as often as he does his phone). They have absolutely no clue how to make decisions for themselves.

kinhk · 2022-06-19T02:01:59+00:00

You’d have to had been with a disagreeable woman to really understand it. Most guys simply want peace when they’re with their women.

Drougen · 2022-06-19T06:35:10+00:00

I think both types of women are great.

obj7777 · 2022-06-19T13:24:44+00:00

I don't know. I always found the opposite appealing in women.

sarkington · 2022-06-19T16:55:40+00:00

What’s mysterious about the appeal of getting what you want?

Flintblood · 2022-06-19T21:36:54+00:00

I interpret most men’s statements about female submission to be simply describing women who are not contrarian or who always like to argue. Being submissive does not necessarily translate to being subservient or submitting to every wish of the other person. For me it would be more accurate to say that I prefer a woman who is high in agreeableness.

greyboy_32 · 2022-06-19T01:45:29+00:00

[permanently deleted]

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-06-19T09:35:51+00:00

I’ve recently had a post with red pilled women about this and the common theme is that it’s a balance between masculine and feminine, ying/yang kinda thing, the man being the leader of the family while the women being the leader of the home. It’s not supposed to be a master/pet thing, she’ll make all the day to day decisions while he’ll make the big ones.

One thing that did stand out to me was that most of the men they encountered particularly through reddit were not real red-pilled men, they worked out n considered themselves “alphas” but as leaders they were incompetent. They didn’t earn enough to cover a family, they wanted a wife to work and do childcare and housework, expected the wife to remain feminine but wouldn’t allow daycares or nannies to help with the workload for her, and constantly belittled her fir not managing it,

That’s not what redpilled life is supposed to be like, the submissive housewife is just a fetish by misogyny men who want to control women

RedPill115 · 2022-06-19T02:44:38+00:00

And by that, I don't necessarily mean in bed; I mean in the relationship. As a man who's out of the norm and actually wants to BE led, I don't understand where Red Pill and conservative men are coming from. I really want to pick the male brain and understand where they are coming from. Why is it appealing when the woman lets the man lead?

It's really the same with a liberal or conservative background.

There's plenty of men who were raised to be led.
But girls don't want to lead.

Girls don't want to ask guys out.
Girls don't want to be the first to make a move.
Girls certainly don't want to be the first to make a move, get rejected, then make a few more moves until the guy gives in.

So you have to develop a personality to lead, in at least some way.
Then the girl wants you to lead when things are difficult, risky, or uncertain. But then wants to be in charge whenever it's smooth sailing. So you have to have like...2 personalities or something.

But if the girl is submissive you get to be the lead all the time. You're the lead when it's risky or tough, you're the lead when it's fun. If you like being the lead it feels fun. You have one congruent personality.

Slight_Fig5187 · 2022-06-19T11:52:37+00:00

Well, since you also accepted women's answers:

After reading some of the answers of the men who want submissive women, most of them seem to have an inflated ego which probably has underneath a deep inferiority complex. They don't want a real, complex human being next to them, they want a kind of real size doll, a Stepford wife who will comply with all their whims and never discuss anything they say. They think they're powerful men exercising their power, when in reality it's a very childish psychology not wanting a grown up person next to them.

They claim their women are happy, which could be true if they've picked women with slightly masochistic traits who want to be humiliated and dominated.

You should be proud to be who you are, free from this really unpleasant gender stereotypes. Nobody needs to "lead" in a relationship, the ideal model of a human couple is a democracy where decisions are taken by agreement and tasks are divided equally.

Sexually, there can be moments when one or the other wants to be dominated, it can increase pleasure, but as a role play kind of game, not as a rule.

Hard_Corsair · 2022-06-19T02:38:43+00:00

Control, power, and agency are all nice. They’re extra nice when they feel earned.

That’s not to say that a 100% submissive partner is automatically great, but in can be nice every so often.

-passepar2t- · 2022-06-19T02:45:31+00:00

Submissiveness makes a woman feel more feminine and guys want feminine. They also don't want to be challenged too hard.

AntiFeminismAU · 2022-06-19T00:42:14+00:00

I’ve been living in Asia for a while and I have to admit that submissive women do become boring after a while.

I’m very red pilled myself but I still like a woman who knows what she wants. Nothing is more attractive to me than a woman making the first moves, asking me out on a date, making the first kiss, etc. It gets exhausting being the one to do everything as a man all the time.

I also prefer a more dominant woman in bed. Submissive women tend to just lie there like a starfish and barely move. A more dominant woman will get on top and ride you like there is no tomorrow.

Having said that, I don’t like argumentative or combative women. Just a confident one that knows what she wants.

growandappear · 2022-06-19T01:24:02+00:00

tl;dr it's like that trust fall team building exercise writ large

2022-06-19T07:29:03+00:00

If it gets me hella hot, I’ll bet that does it for my man.

2022-06-19T13:13:07+00:00

I once had a guy break up with me because I was too agreeable so I think the redpill gets a lot wrong in what men and women want.

parahacker · 2022-06-19T13:24:20+00:00

It's not something based in reasoning; it's purely emotional, so I don't know what to tell you if you don't feel the same way. It's simply that I really don't like to be told what to do, by anyone, never have at any point even as a child and age has only slightly mellowed me out; and on the same token, someone following my own suggestions is very flattering.

I don't understand wanting to be led, at all - by men or women - so I have to process my understanding of people in a different way than you do. Intellectually, I understand that people exist like you who prefer others to take the lead; emotionally, it doesn't scan and it's hard for me to empathize with the perspective. I can do it, it's just not easy for me, and my default is expecting others to feel the same way I do - which, ironically, leads me to being very cautious about telling other people what to do, because of the way it raises my hair when people do it to me.

icefire54 · 2022-06-19T14:24:23+00:00

It's not something that can be explained. Women like dominant men and men like submissive women for base biological reasons.

2022-06-19T15:16:27+00:00

It's irreducible, you may as ask me what's the appeal of hot women, or why I prefer pleasure to pain.

divingrose77101 · 2022-06-20T10:50:16+00:00

My ex husband wanted to control me and everything o did and thought because he was insecure. He knew I was smarter, funnier, and better looking than he and he was terrified that I might figure that out. He also didn’t really love my personality and wanted to mold me into the wife he wanted. I think that’s what’s behind most controlling men.

The men I date now are willing to take the lead in something but have no need or desire to control or change me.

Defiant-Cucumber-179 · 2022-06-19T04:38:10+00:00

The appeal of submission? Simple. It's harmony.

The family unit is an organisation, of which there needs to be a leader. If you have a missus who's constantly trying to pull towards a different direction to you you're going to have a bad time. I've been married 11 years with 2 kids, it is ultimately my duty to ensure my family has everything it needs as well as being the person responsible for having the vision and direction.

Now of course the household will have somewhat democratic aspects where everyone is heard to make sure everyone's needs are being met. But when it comes to the big decisions, the final say all-things-considered is mine and my wife is always right behind me.

Barely-moral · 2022-06-19T02:39:57+00:00

Peace, calm and tranquility. I have to fight, argue and put a lot of effort to create the lifestyle I have. Pretty much everyone and everything in the world is either an obstacle to overcome, a weight to carry, an opponent to defeat or an ally that I need to keep happy/compliant for the sake of the goal I am currently pursuing.

Having a submissive woman as a partner means that when I get home there is a rest from all of that. A submissive woman is not an obstacle because she does not get in the way, not a weight to carry because she goes in my direction, not an opponent to defeat because my goals become her goals. And the last point, since we share goals and she likes to follow there is little effort needed to keep her happy and compliant.

If she is not submissive she will be an obstacle, an opponent, a weight or a bothersome ally at best.

An alternative solution is that she can lead and I would be the submissive one. I don't consider that acceptable unless she is willing to play the entire traditional masculine role while I play the entire traditional feminine role.

gopherish · 2022-06-19T07:16:32+00:00

Just a theory: Attraction is maximized when sex differences are maximized. We're not logically attracted to the opposite sex; we're attracted to signs that signal the opposite sex. The more/stronger "correct" signal we receive, the more "right" it feels, and the more validation we get from the mate.

The majority of men are majority masculine; likewise for women and feminine. So there's a minority of men, for example, that are more feminine than masculine; for these men, more masculine women are more attractive because the larger difference signals a better match.

A small minority of people fall into other groups, e.g. feminine men who are attracted to feminine women. In case it wasn't clear, I'm only addressing heterosexuals. So people generally break down into being low/high masculinity/femininity, and being attracted to low/high masculinity/femininity. Just because there are outliers, doesn't mean that there aren't rules. Some people have eyes with more than one color, or hands with more than ten fingers; that doesn't mean that humans don't "have" an "eye color", or "ten digits".

If you're a man, and you don't feel typical masculine traits, you're in the minority. That statement doesn't have any judgment. (This is, of course, assuming you're in a "normal" condition, and haven't been discouraged from manifesting or expressing natural and healthy masculine traits with feminist shaming tactics, or been consuming products that depress/affect testosterone and other hormones, or are a heavy user of masturbation or porn, etc.)

AelfredRex · 2022-06-19T14:02:06+00:00

Simple. Stable egos seek control over self. Fragile egos seek control over others.

ThisTimeForRealYo · 2022-06-19T16:18:36+00:00

Men who want submissive women essentially want a sentient sex robot. They are insecure af and don’t want critisism from, what they consider, lesser beings.

microphone_commander · 2022-06-19T01:26:09+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2022-06-19T00:26:14+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Ecstatic_Edge5825 · 2022-06-19T03:02:36+00:00

I married an Asian woman. People assumed it was this "white guy looking for a submissive woman" trope.

There is nothing feminine or submissive about my ex. She tried to wear the pants all the time and my own personal agreeable nature made her fucking crazy. It was as if she wanted me to just stand up to her from time to time or something.

She wasn't subservient. But she basically said:

"Make a decision here or get the fuck out of my way and let me do it."

sarkington · 2022-06-19T03:08:31+00:00

Uh, winning?

Ecstatic_Edge5825 · 2022-06-19T03:41:19+00:00

I’m my case it’s complex.

I want to be more of a manager than a leader (those are two different roles in psychology of systems) and a protector at times when it’s needed. I’d maybe like to become a manager or a small entrepreneur of some sort, or work with people in general in the future, it’s inspiring to me. But I wouldn’t want to date a woman who earns much less money than I do. In bed I like to be submissive way more than to be dominant, but at the same time I’ve proven countless times that, if there’s a need, I can stand up for myself and others in times of crisis (I did things varying between instantly helping a classmate clean herself up after spilling a soda and saving a man’s life).

There’s different things I like in women physically and personality wise, and I’m sometimes surprised by a way a girl can reveal herself as attractive, but one thing that’s a giant, basic turnoff is lack of ambition and competence. If a girl doesn’t either study in college to become a specialist of some sort or has a demanding job with perspectives, Im not interested. I feel like such people are, a lot of times, just boring and uninspiring. I don’t want a housewife what walks around looking nice, cooking and raising kids, I want an equal partner.

Ok-Statistician3962 · 2022-06-19T04:30:55+00:00

I've never understood what it means to be a "leader" in a relationship. Can anyone explain to me what a "leader" looks like in a relationship?

Siukslinis_acc · 2022-06-19T07:36:15+00:00

Generally speaking, dominant people like submissive people because they don't challenge their dominance and there is no need for compromise (as the submissive person accepts the decisions tge dominant person makes without ant questions).

sparung1979 · 2022-06-19T09:38:15+00:00

Women that subscribe to more traditional gender roles have expectations of me that it feels good to fulfill. I like living up to being a leader, having someone who expects me to take initiative. Thinking specifically of cultural values or natural temperament.

When I've been in a relationship with women who don't think that way, there has been tension out of the idea that they can manage my life, that they know what would be in my interest better than I do.

Sometimes a woman is only submissive out of immaturity, which isn't good either. I dont get along with immature people in general. A woman who has dependency issues is not someone I can be happy with.

Ilikeapplepie2 · 2022-06-19T10:41:32+00:00

(M) I think the appeal is being able to protect someone and make them feel safe. Since you are in control if you make them feel happy you get happy. It's probably more primal and scientific reasons behind it tho.

tommysamson · 2022-06-19T11:01:00+00:00

it allows me to tap into my deepest primitive desires and masculine sexual expression, when women are stiff can't let go, i can't tap into my energy and then sex is boring

Puzzleheaded-Lab-165 · 2022-06-19T12:04:22+00:00

I had a Christian wife who would sabotage all my efforts.She was not submissive, not a team player, and she was not a help to me. She wanted all the privileges of an independent women with none of the responsibilities. I eventually had to stop including her by not telling her my plans. Now I have an atheist gf who is encouraging, helpful, feels my pain when I fail, and loves me. I cover her weaknesses and she covers my weaknesses. Of course I enjoy the submissive gf over dominant wife.

Schmeic · 2022-06-19T13:15:43+00:00

Being “dominant” has nothing to do with leadership. As a man, the desire shouldn’t be to dominate a woman but to possess the traits to be able to lead, love and protect a woman. Men that act like men or traditional males, should desire to lead the woman in the relationship. So that the woman can be empowered to be everything she can be. To be a “dominant” man is to be in a relationship with a woman who wants to be led and belive that her role is best complimented by a man who leads. This doesn’t mean women are less than men, it means that women are equal but different in roles than men.

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-06-19T13:49:00+00:00

I think it's in part role playing that is fun, and behind closed doors it's a way to play with transgression; kind of going against prescribed gender roles a bit. Even in this era of feminism, a woman submitting to a man is a bit frowned upon because it's like she is enabling patriarchy. Same thing with a man acting dominant. There are aspects of masculinity that could be described as toxic, but that toxic label gets spread over everything that isn't ultra blue pill sanctioned. So yeah, a man and a woman doing D/s role play still manages to be "edgy" in this day and age.

So what's the function of the role play? Well a lot is probably imprinted on you when you're young, that men and women and sex dynamics are supposed to look or be a certain way. But there is a function to ritual: to bring the participants outside of themselves. And I think that's the function of a lot of D/s play; it allows people to not identify with their egoistic daily self image so much and be free to enjoy passionate intensity in what are actually fairly simply activities.

sebwiers · 2022-06-19T14:11:18+00:00

I can speak better to the "in bed" side; I'm into BDSM. But that means I know a lot of folks who do extend roles to the whole relationship, and end up with women who want that to some extent. I think my impulses are a bit different from red pill / conservative aims though ...

For me it's very much an inborn drive. When I lost my virginity (at 18) I tried the girl up (after she somewhat jokingly tried to do so to me using yarn... long story obviously). It turns me on, and I'm turned on by being able to make those who want it happy.

TBH, it's pretty much the same in a relationship dynamic. Even thou "unequal", it's a co-operative, mutually rewarding effort.

nicethingyoucanthave · 2022-06-19T15:18:10+00:00

despite Red Pillers saying up and down that this is a primal instinct in all men.

It is a primal instinct.

And yet, there is always variation. This is literally how evolution works. The question is: which men leave more and healthier offspring?

You haven't actually seen red pillers "saying up and down" that all men are identical.

Hello_Pal · 2022-06-19T16:03:48+00:00

I'm a happily married man to a loving female spouse. My spouse has a traumatic brain injury, so oddly I try to not be dominant because it triggers an inferiority complex for her. Often times I've had to be more submissive than I conventionally would have considered myself to be, but still be dominant in some meaningful ways.

I think men are more attracted to power and competency than they let on. I think submissive women oddly represent a powerful person to many men.

Most of us were largely raised by our mothers who were submissive to their husbands, and while the husbands were being selfish or furthering their own goals mothers were often taking care of children and putting the needs of others before their own. I think it is more powerful to do this than many things.

Many men want the power dynamic because it enables them to exploit women the way they know how. Maybe it stems from some survival tactic from long ago. I think most men culturally feel like they have to, or other men will think they are weak, and so they further enforce strict "submissive" standards on their women. Some women adhere closely to it so that their man can feel strong.

In real relationships that are successful in my experience, one must be submissive and dominant as the needs of each other demand. Usually if someone feels the need to be dominant there is a deeper core issue that needs to be understood. Usually insecurity and connection issues.

I'm just trying to pass on advice so if it helps you good, if it doesn't discard it. It seems like to me there is a cultural shift happening where women are out performing men in school and workplaces. I know many women who suffer from impostor syndrome and don't really know how to be appropriately dominant. Seems like many men don't know how to be submissive too. If only we could help each other out and have relationships with each other eh? We might learn how to be better people the both of us.

Constant_Locksmith48 · 2022-06-20T00:35:37+00:00

I think all men want respect over submission

Catesa · 2022-06-20T02:40:10+00:00

If I can trust someone with taking the lead and they do it well (makes sure that physical and psychological needs are met), it means that they are less likely to screw me over with incompetence and I'll will when I am vulnerable. For example while giving birth or with a newborn around while I have had a C section (a surgery), when I am crying and hurt. It also means that I won't have to manage things that should be their responsibility.

It is a test too, what does the person do when given power over someone, when the other person shows vulnerability? When they are given the power to hurt? Will they humiliate, neglect and then demand me to be grateful and be happy? Will they fear having power and covertly try to shove all responsibility (including theirs) on me? Will they micromanage me and be paranoid? Or will they be caring, will ask me for my thoughts and feelings on things, boundaried and hold me accountable for my decisions? What does a person do when they have power?

Submissive to me means being changable, it means adapting to situations. It is trying to be pleasing and supportive, trusting that the one you are submitting to won't screw you over.

It is like playing a irl support class (healer, buffer and utility) and hoping your teammate won't leave you stranded.

Then there are people who claim to be submissives that are simply inert or are struggling with living due to unmanaged mental illness and/or people who are dragging them down. Who want to shove all their responsibility on the Dom.

Then there are a lot of people who claim to be Doms who are looking for someone to abuse or manage their mental illness because they are struggling in a different way or think that normal human interaction is a constant struggle due to people that they attract.

8m3gm60 · 2022-06-20T06:13:01+00:00

Do you mean like in life or in the bedroom for fun?

2022-06-20T20:04:01+00:00

Because I want to feel responsible and like I’m looking after her.

Does this mean she’s entirely dependant on me? No.

But she motivates me to be the best version of myself and absolutely kill it at life and the admiration and respect received in return is a beautiful feeling when you get it.

Defiant-Cucumber-179 · 2022-07-17T09:29:01+00:00

A woman is no less than a man, we take care of different departments. You think Ukrainian women are protesting for equality? Are you gonna want equality when someone breaks in to your house or try Rob you? If we are on the titanic, are the men equal tk women and children? What about war? What if global supply chains broke right now and there are mobs on the street? Is it equal when culturally and religiously it is my duty to provision and protect my family? That my money is our money and her money is her money? No. No it fucking isn't, it's DIFFERENT.

Whether my family succeed or not, the responsibility falls on me. My wife helps me in this mission and I love and respect her dearly. Treat her like my queen.

Again look luck with your 2020 Western Liberal bullshit. I'm having breakfast that my wife just prepared with my 2 boys on a beautiful hit morning. She wanted tk make the breakfast btw I didn't tyrannical demand that off her.

2022-08-29T00:41:07+00:00

I find women who try to not be submissive are deeply insecure to a point its not worth talking to them. Every girl that has had a problem talking about submission makes such absurd claims, that it almost sounds delusional.(aka they claim they would beat my ass unprovoked, or say women could beat my ass) A women who understands I’m a man and she is a women is great. I get to pick her up and support her in her nature and she can help me as well. I’m just done with women not understanding that there are lines humans shouldn’t cross rather then women can but men absolutely cannot.

whitemonster_enjoyer · 2022-06-19T01:15:18+00:00

Because men are typically generally to feminine traits and being compliant is a feminine trait......

renfsu · 2022-06-19T02:01:27+00:00

People are built differently. Just like a gay man probably doesn't understand all the fuss when it comes to pussy. I can say I am a very dominant man, I love dominating women and I like when they look at me as a leader. I like when they call me daddy. It's just how I am. It's simply man means masculine so being a leader is the pinnacle of that. You're the lead man among men. It's like when I was in high school I got the most female attention when I was the leader of the entire battalion in jrotc. You're at the peak of the mountain.

I enjoy submissiveness just because it's the opposite of what I am. If I met a dominant women my number one goal would be to dominate her and make her submissive. It's just how I am.

Some people are built differently.

NotARussianBot1984 · 2022-06-19T11:07:12+00:00

Im with the most submissive woman ever. The appeal? Most people suck at the game of life. I don't, if you want to be with me, you need to step up.

For example, my girl was fat, in debt, lazy, decent ish in bed, didn't exercise, and had low confidence. I'm none of those things but what kept me with her was she was submissive and followed my lead.

She's now debt free, does monthly budgeting, getting a better paying job, learned how to maintain her van, goes for runs, weight lifts, eats healthy, oh and does 100% of what i want in bed.

She calls me daddy, because it's a natural development in our relationship.

I help her become the woman she needs to be. All my exes? Proud to be losers, thats fine, but I'm not interested so i left.

Is she still a brat? Is she still do cheat meals, and skip a run? Of course, and its my job as the dom to punish her for it.

It's a great relationship because im naturally a great Dom and I handle my shit. Im a partner that makes your life better, she loves it.

This reminds me, i need to buy her a collar XD

TheRedPillRipper · 2022-06-19T02:01:40+00:00

the appeal of submission

Oscar Wilde said it best; ”Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”

There can be a collaborative approach to power; but ultimately on a ship; there’s only one captain.

Godspeed and good luck!

TigerRude4 · 2022-06-19T00:53:28+00:00

Dominant and assertive women > submissive women

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-06-19T00:41:41+00:00

I want my woman to be submissive in bed and that just extends to the relationship as well. Mostly because it's natural. I want to lead and for my woman to be led.

just_a_place · 2022-06-19T06:12:27+00:00

You are confusing submissive with receptive.

As a man I want a woman who is receptive to my advances. A woman for whom I can beat my chest for, like an ape in the woods, and she will come closer to me and wanna see what I'm all about rather than run off further into the woods.

Being submissive is something else. First I need a woman to respond to me, to react to me, and especially to be open to me. If she isn't giving me the time of day then I will swing my bald monkey cheeks over to the next tree and try it on a more receptive female lol.

Eventually I will find a woman for whom my existence isn't so objectionable and she will be receptive to me. Meaning that she will be friendly and open and welcoming and maybe I can impress her and start the road towards a relationship.

Now if she wants to be submissive to me as a way to signal her approval of me then great. I would have earned her submissiveness through demonstration that she can trust me. Most women enjoy some level of submission because they only grant it to men they trust and feel safe with. But that doesn't mean she will be submissive all the time and on every matter. She has to have her own legs in the relationship or else you're going to find really quickly how her submission will turn into your burden!

So to answer your question: It is not appealing that a woman lets us lead per se. What is actually appealing is when we are able to exercise our full masculine instincts with her through her acceptance and approval. As men we desire a woman's approval more than her obedience. We want her trust more than her submission.

Ian_Campbell · 2022-06-19T05:29:17+00:00

Probably because it brings out the best in good men, keeps families together (when women control everything by their whims and then by rule don't respect a man the family is destroyed) and puts the onus on a man to respect his obligations and push forward, in diametric opposition to a woman effectively controlling everything and a guy falling into apathetic depression because he will guaranteed lose everything in divorce procedures, which she will hold hostage.

Now because good men are told not to lead but to be accommodating, families are falling apart at the whims of the bystander effect and machinations beyond the control of the common person. This is what happens when something is supposed to be "equal" but the woman has a strictly stronger bargaining position and been gassed up with entitlement.

So the appeal is that you will have a better chance actually playing as a team, and there are then tangible needs you can work to meet. If a woman does NOT have that nature, working hard to provide for her and bearing burdens etc will just set a new minimum standard of expectations and there won't be reciprocity and appreciation. She has the atomistic individual me me me mindset and therefore the man will grow apathetic and depressed. The other type of woman is what inspires men to move mountains.

I would posit there's a great chance the change in women is exactly why so many men got Peter Pan syndrome, said "fuck it" and refused to live in society.

Spiritual_Age_4992 · 2022-06-19T11:39:56+00:00

I want everyone to be submissive to me, not just women

indra2853 · 2022-06-19T03:51:33+00:00

You said you have no desire to be traditionally masculine. Well, you do you, but most men simply have that desire because of both nature and social conditioning. This is one thing a lot of modern women don't understand. Career women/women with high masculine energy asks the same thing, they don't understand because they are not attracted to femininity as much as guys do, not even close. Tbh, Idk why it is the way it is, but i believe it is mostly because of nature, not social conditioning.

SwaySh0t · 2022-06-19T02:47:08+00:00

I’m very masculine and feminine submissive women appeal to the part of my lizard brain/ instincts that i can’t control. It’s very attractive. Ultimately you submit to each other, it’s more about the appropriate roles you should be playing in each other’s lives. It’s popular to be androgynous right now and that’s exactly why everyones unhappy and things are going to shit. Mother Nature/ god/ evolution/ the cosmos or whatever you believe in etc has a strict hierarchy that needs to be followed.

07paradigm · 2022-06-19T02:59:26+00:00

Lots of it is bio-evo-psycho instinct. Most of it is.

Our ancestral pasts forged much of our brains this way. There’s a lot of truth in the alpha/beta paradigm. Usually the alpha man is the one with the most survivability in the harsher natural environments of our evolutionary past. High testosterone, domineering, egotistical, aggressive, territorial, leadership, etc all made for a creature to survive thus led to more selection by females. This specimen was the most fit and most capable of surviving and the most virile.

This is very general information. Reality is much more nuanced but this description covers the main general truths about our homosapien male/female sexual dynamics.

It must also be understood that we are a tribal, hierarchical species. Where inidividuals form tribes and play certain roles, because again, survivability. When we work in roles, we bring more to the table. In general, the males hunted, protected, fought, warred, securitized, and were generally more free to roam. While females, became pregnant and thus much more vulnerable and less capable produce. Women generally, stayed behind in hunts/battles, scavenging to gather, build, raise vulnerable offspring, cook, etc. To defer to men was a much better survival trait.

The rabbit hole gets deeper than that when you consider relationships from a physiological trait. Testosterone, hormones, neurochemicals, estrogen, etc etc, play huuuuge roles in our sexual and relationship preferences. Inject someone with testosterone and adrenaline, and they become more aggressive or domineering etc. Inject them with estrogen, and vice versa.

As to the psychological appeal, it “just turns you on.” Lol it’s hot, it’s sexy. Most likely because it meant that animals would get horny and reproduce. It’s hot to women because this guy has good genes. It’s hot to men because this woman is fertile and desiring of my seed. Lol

There are tons of counter examples. Especially in the modern world where our environment is very different thus altering our bio-psycho-evolutionary lives, choices, behaviors. There was a big part in history where our homosapien ancestors where much more sexually dymorphic. Because the environment called for it. However society is much more complex now and thus our sexual dynamics have changed on an individual and collective level. So the creatures have evolved.

If we were thrown back into the jungle without the ability to create technologies or systems of government, law, and finance. We would likely become as our ancestors to survive.

Anti_Thing · 2022-06-19T03:30:57+00:00

It's not something I can explain, it's just how I feel. There's something intoxicating about a woman letting me lead.

tired_hillbilly · 2022-06-19T03:48:36+00:00

It feels really good to see the people you care about benefit from your leadership and/or protection. That's basically it. Everyone needs to feel needed, and men tend to be predisposed to feel that strongest when we're leading or protecting.

srqfla · 2022-06-19T07:45:25+00:00

Fit, feminine, cooperative and compliant.

That's all I want from a woman.

A ship can only have 1 Captain

Jukingku22 · 2022-06-19T13:49:26+00:00

Men like being needed and when you submit, its attractive

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-06-19T02:55:36+00:00

I've let women have the upper hand in my relationships and those relationships ended crashing in a brick wall. So there you go. Somethings are the way they are because they are. Why do men have dicks and not vaginas? How would you duck with two vaginas and no dick to inject sperm inside a vagina?

Friedidli · 2022-06-19T05:27:09+00:00

Nothing, Is fucking Weird.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-06-19T06:19:21+00:00

Because I like peace, good vibes, and non-combativeness in my household

Rhiojin · 2022-06-19T08:22:17+00:00

The RP definition of dominant and submissive are as follows:

Dominant: Less agreeable, less indecisive, less emotional. It does not mean be an asshole, be a dickwad, be a cunt .

Submissive: less argumentative, less decisive, less masculine. It does not mean be an airhead, be a ditzy blonde, be clueless.

The appeal of a dominant man and a submissive woman in a relationship dynamic is a higher amount of relative peace for both partners which translates to significant happiness and longevity.

These traits are even present in successful same sex relationships.

Attempting to debate how you, the statistical outlier, somehow proves the concept false wouldn't be the correct approach. We can all point to relationships that fly in the face of TRP but those numbers are dwarfed by relationship that have RP characteristics.

alexaxl · 2022-06-19T10:15:09+00:00

Women like men who lead and dominate other men, they don't like men who lead and dominate the smaller, weaker sex lol.

For women it's about a man protecting you when shit hits the fan. For men it's an ego thing.

ShotgunTRP · 2022-06-19T04:17:37+00:00

This is a biased view. Both straight men and women should take L's sometimes for the team but there's not enough room for 2 captains with all decisions. Someone needs to take a lead for most decisions. Me being an old school dude. I think the sex that doesn't bleed, cry and act completely emotionally and logically irrational for one week once per month is probably the safer decision

Title	What is the appeal of submission in women?
Author	ShiNoKikai
Upvotes	110
Comments	448
Date	June 19, 2022 12:26 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vfj4k2/what_is_the_appeal_of_submission_in_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-the-appeal-of-submission-in-women.1120921 https://theredarchive.com/post/1120921

Comments