Why do men choose certain women over others as far as to pursue relationships with?

DerekMorganBAUxx · 2022-07-24T13:34:36+00:00

Way too much can go into it but here are some simple truths

1) He already knew that girl was a “for fun” girl and she can never leave that box no matter what she does

2) No chemistry beyond sex

3) Low maternal/home making instincts

4) He was already pursuing another girl for an LTR while fucking the other one for fun

Could be more reasons but those are the main ones that tend to occur in a man’s mind

GottaPSoBad · 2022-07-24T14:27:23+00:00

I actually think a lot of the initial replies are roughly right on this one, which is rare for this sub. Men do make choices in this area pretty early on, or at least start to have leanings early on. Not all, I'll qualify, but some significant portion. This is the whole "you can't change their mind" or "you can't influence their behavior" problem that women often experience and bemoan.

The biggest mistake women make though, is picking unreliable guys in the first place. On some level they're choosing to be unhappy by doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results. And whether women want to admit it or not, the signs are very often there (if you're willing to find them and act accordingly). Some things to consider:

Firstly, men with options, especially ones who are currently plate spinning, will be harder to lock down in general. Some men will be overt about their plate spinning, some won't. But it's not hard to tell if a man at least has the option to do so.

Secondly, men who are naturally non-committal (with you) won't suddenly, magically become different overnight. What does this mean in practice? One, there is no FWB to BF pipeline. Two, pay attention to how he acts during the early phase of the courtship. Non-committal behaviors will manifest. Three, stop nagging him to move in, propose, et cetera. Instead of asking him why he hasn't, ask yourself. Either you're pushing for it too early or he's dragging his feet. If it's the former, you can easily check with friends, the internet, etc to see if you're being unreasonable. If it's the latter, just dump him.

Thirdly, the guy who treats you best won't always be the guy who looks the best. I don't just mean this literally in terms of looks, but rather in terms of the overall archetype/profile more broadly. If you want a loyal guy who'll commit to an LTR, a move-in, a marriage, etc, you should be willing to compromise at least a little on your ideal man and your checklist. Yes, he should be gainfully employed. Yes, he should look and smell nice. Yes, he should have social skills. Etc, etc. But does he really need to be the best guy on the market? Plenty of guys will be good or great, but still have shortcomings. Stop demanding they be the CEO when an accountant will do, so to speak. Which brings me to...

Lastly, if you're not the best thing ever, why do you deserve the best thing ever? Men already understand this intrinsically. They need to work twice as hard for half as much. But women just assume they'll magically get the best guy on the market by virtue of...what? Luck? Or just wanting it badly enough? C'mon. If you truly want the best man possible, you need to be the best woman possible. Short of that, be more reasonable in your standards and expectations. (A golden rule is don't expect more of others than of yourself.)

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-07-24T13:49:35+00:00

What makes one person become your best friend while others are people you are cool with but aren’t?
I dunno. But for each person there’s something, right?

koolex · 2022-07-24T15:57:10+00:00

I think honestly a lot of it comes down to compatibility and physical attraction. Men will go below their standards for easy access to sex and fuckzone those women. Personally if I knew a girl was looking for casual sex I would not be worried about compatibility and I would be okay with her being a little less attractive.

When men finally do meet a woman who is worth being committed to she will probably be more physically attractive & compatible for the guy then the girls he was fuckzoning.

I would argue these women who are getting fuckzoned need to filter men better, especially men who are not genuine or out of their league.

GottaPSoBad · 2022-07-24T13:44:51+00:00

Men jump from non committed to non committed all the time if they can get away with it.

If they want marriage or an LTR they eill also bounce from a non commital relationship without thinking much about it. After the fact they will back rationalize or say the timing was right or person B had qualities person A did not.

I would say for women the best way to side step this is to side step vague and non committed men as time wasters if their end goal is a committed relationship. Spending too much time asking why is not helpful.

moosemc · 2022-07-24T13:37:04+00:00

The one who's the least controlling and the one who complains the least.

If I had a choice.

Tough_Ad_6420 · 2022-07-24T13:50:25+00:00

They say men knows in which box they gonna put the girl in on the first date! If it’s just a hookup or long term 🤷🏻‍♀️

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-07-24T15:17:40+00:00

the woman has qualities that make her more attractive for long-term relationships, whatever those may be
she's the best that guy can get
if he's a guy who's a public figure or has some kind of standing in the community, she may be good for his image in some way
he enjoys spending time with her

TheSnowyPlover · 2022-07-24T14:03:07+00:00

One thing important thing to keep in mind: a man’s standards for casual sex or casual friends with benefits relationship are quite low—we’re talking a “7 will slump bust with a 4 when the the lights are coming on at the club” type low. Meanwhile a women who’s a 7 is only gonna bang a 7 or up and won’t marry anything less than an 8

The lesson here is that for men, the distance between “worthy of casual sex” and “worthy of marriage” is often much greater than it is for women.

In order to have casual sex/relationship:

Not ugly
Available
Willing to have sex

Willing to commit long term:

Exceptionally Attractive (relative to the women he’s dated)
Available
Willing to have sex
Image of being a respectable woman
Demonstrates maternal instincts
Possesses domestic qualities
Responsible/has her life together
Generally above average relative to previous women he’s dated

ReferenceImpossible2 · 2022-07-24T15:25:49+00:00

9/10 times it’s because girl A wasn’t hot enough for the date threshold but was hot enough for the fuck threshold.

Girl B was hot enough to satisfy both.

Yixagurpuldink · 2022-07-24T15:31:59+00:00

Mostly intangibles related to character: empathy, ability to save and think long-term, self-awareness, willingness to self-improve, goalsetting, etc...

Certain people can seem to invest without commitment forever as a backup, for simple companionship, or are doing so hoping something will change and they'll become relationship material.

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rxqueen85 · 2022-07-24T13:56:51+00:00

Because more suitable to his current idea what a temporary lack of anything resembling (t?)reason is like? Also, of course, but more important than anything mentioned ever so far in history of human kind, do not underestimate the gravity of the irrefutable Rammsteiny wisdom - Dicke Titten.

Siukslinis_acc · 2022-07-24T14:02:09+00:00

Feels, excitement, stimulation? If you do tge same thing over and over again you might get bored, so you search for new excitement. An unknown person might provide that excitement as they are "uncharted territory".

2022-07-24T15:28:18+00:00

Your conclusion you added is the correct answer but it’s a brutal truth to swallow even in other dynamics.

sjamad_oc · 2022-07-24T15:58:41+00:00

The vast vast majority of men don't 'choose' jack shit. They just get what they can get....they are in no position to be choosy.

athlete2biz · 2022-07-24T15:17:17+00:00

Theres typically a certain looks threshold, but attractive woman are common so its deeper than just looks. a relationship worthy woman usually has the following traits:

Is feminine, nice, fit, friendly, nurturing, smart, confident, brings the man peace, competent, socially adept, low n-count, doesnt act like a hoe. etc. stuff that would make them a good mother to his future children.

for a woman to be just good for casual sex, she just has to reach a certain (even lower) looks threshold, and thats it, personality doesnt factor into it at all. keep in mind that most mens looks threshold for who they will have casual sex with is MUCH lower than the looks threshold for who they will want a relationship with.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-07-24T14:28:13+00:00

He felt the pull to settle with the other girl . 1.She may demonstrate more of a nurturing ability. Wanting a family one day. 2.Willingness to be more accommodating for a relationship in her life. 3.She is more reserved, so hence in his mind will be loyal. 4.Being hot, putting out early isn't always going to get the relationship status one wants.

MickIsBlue · 2022-07-24T13:46:59+00:00

If men don't approach a woman its because she doesn't reach their standards, which should be absolutely depressing as hell for the woman as men have really low and relaxed standards haha

basebornmanjack41 · 2022-07-24T19:20:16+00:00

Obviously this is an over generalisation but I think it’s as simple as the fact men are far more likely to have casual sex with someone they think isn’t suitable to be a long term partner than women.

If a woman is having sex with a man 99% of the time it’s because she sees you as worthy of a LTR or is still trying to figure out if you are. If a man is having sex with a girl it’s because he finds you attractive enough to have sex with.

srqfla · 2022-07-24T19:26:09+00:00

Your comment indicates that you probably are difficult. Your sense of entitlement and lack of gratitude is astonishing.

ashleyrose56 · 2022-07-24T17:30:24+00:00

Social caste and education.

EDIT: plenty of attractive women out there, but can't bring them back to the family because they have no education, no career, may have children , and are quite frankly a lil too ghetto to function in my social circle.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2022-07-24T13:41:19+00:00

I think it has to do with looks and how much sex the guy is getting. Looks are incredibly important to men but so is sex. Men try to get the hottest woman they can provided she gives him regular sex. If the hottest woman isn’t giving him enough sex he will go for a less attractive women who will. Little else seems to factor in at least in the dating stage. Men do care about other things but it’s usually not thought about until the man is looking to settle down.

Prestigious698 · 2022-07-24T14:22:17+00:00

Looks. That’s it.

srqfla · 2022-07-24T14:53:55+00:00

Men are attracted to women who are fit, feminine, cooperative and compliant.

We want a woman who makes us hard, not our life

That's it

Dolphin_Moon · 2022-07-24T23:47:24+00:00

This thread gave me a migraine and just solidified all my fears lol

KirthWGersen · 2022-07-24T16:47:15+00:00

The women who stay in my life are those who provide the greatest pleasure with the least hassle.

Women who are needy, annoying or aggressive get dropped quickly.

AelfredRex · 2022-07-24T18:13:46+00:00

I really feel like screaming "Stop generalizing everyone! Individuality exists!"

2022-07-24T19:40:00+00:00

He liked the sex from his FWB but didn't see her as relationship material. The next woman, for his reasons alone, ticked that box.

For me I look for a few simple things. Obviously she can't be ugly. I'm going to be looking at her, and having sex with her, a lot. So, she needs to be attractive enough to where I dont recoil at the thought of that.

She needs to have a kind and genuine heart. This means that she isn't conniving, vindictive, likes to argue, overly-dramatic about petty things, she treats me with respect and even adoration, enjoys similar things that I enjoy (food, music, activities,etc), has a happy demeanor, isn't condescending or a control freak, earns her own money, pulls her own weight, etc.

Also, no fake boobs, lip fillers, fake eyelashes that poke the person across the street, long hair, and is a bit kinky in bed.

If there's anyone here that fits this criteria then fil out an application.

Best_Illustrator_137 · 2022-07-24T17:28:01+00:00

Idk for a lot of guys but for me I already know instantly where I’m headed with the relationship and when she further shows me what kind of girl she is it furthers my decision making process. I also look at what kind of relationship we’re having, is she fun, annoying, relationship material, etc. Also, not gonna lie if I’m not looking for a relationship I have gone from one girl to another based on what I perceived as “better looks.”

2022-07-24T18:13:16+00:00

Maybe because they are individuals and they like one better than the other

beleidigtewurst · 2022-07-24T18:48:25+00:00

I love how it is "non committed" but kinda sorta maybe committed tomorrow and that with some other girl it is needed to "lock down", but on the same subreddit, it is somehow men who are into LTR, but struggle to find partners, while women are not interested in it at all.

Elevatedheart · 2022-07-24T19:21:06+00:00

In my experience and that’s coming completely from a woman’s point of reference and what has occurred for me personally. I dated down because I thought I was safer with someone that was a little less alpha. I gave shorter guys a chance. Men without high positions and honestly “ just regular guys “ It completely backfired on me.. because the regular guys felt inadequate half the time. They didn’t value my accomplishments because they didn’t feel accomplished themselves.

So, with that said, I had to find an alpha that actually values my achievements and Is confident enough to have a commitment.

It absolutely depends on the guy, his self worth and the women he’s going for. More often than not, they date down, because it makes them feel more adequate.

As for women he meets he has to lock down. They don’t lock down if they are a casual player. They often don’t even want women that are casual players because it’s more of an ego drive to have one that wants to commit.. even if he does feel adequate for her. He will still use her just to have that ego drive.

If he’s a guy with high morals.. he might think twice.

Men will say they want commitment initially, but really not want it. If I come from a strong place of I’m only interested in looking to pursue someone that’s interested in commitment.

FrostieTheSnowman · 2022-07-24T19:43:16+00:00

I can't speak for other men, but for me... The standards for relationship-material change every time I come out of a relationship.

For example, I've learned that if she's always on social media and her phone, we probably aren't going to get along. I love nerdy shit and electronics, but when I am with someone I expect them to live in the moment with me sometimes.

I've learned that I have very little tolerance for people who refuse to admit they are wrong or take accountability for their actions. That is especially true with a romantic partner. While I don't immediately reject women for being self-proclaimed 'feminists' (in quotes because their views often don't really align with feminism), I've found it's a pretty strong predictor for that sort of childish mindset.

If she's super-disagreeable, she's out. When I say super-disagreeable, I don't mean, "she calls me on my shit," I mean nagging, I mean stirring up shit where no shit existed in the first place, and I mean being dramatic over shit that, in my opinion, really doesn't matter.

If she's dishonest, she's out. Not gonna explain that one, for obvious reasons.

If I don't respect her, or she doesn't respect me, it's off. There is no recovery from that; I'm mature enough to know when I despise somebody, and I won't put them through a whole relationship with me under those circumstances. And obviously I am not going to put up with disrespect in my own home/life.

There are a lot of factors relating to personality, honestly, and I think you learn more about what you will and will not tolerate in a partner as you gain experience dating. I'll just say, if you're a woman who can't lock a man down, and you find yourself getting offended by this list, it's time to look inward.

I didn't mention looks–obviously they are important for the purposes of attraction, but much like personality, there can be a lot of variance in what men want. However. MOST men (emphasis on MOST) do not want to lock it down with a woman who does not take care of her body. The message that sends is, "I have no discipline with myself, and I won't have discipline with your children." If you want your offspring to be healthy and happy, that's one thing you look for in a partner.

Besides, healthy and happy is attractive. Fat isn't beautiful, sorry to burst your bubble. Men know this, and that's why they don't brag about being a fatass.

TL;DR: Men try to find women that are pretty, healthy (or at the very least, want to be healthy), kind, fun to be around, and trustworthy. We don't much care about status, as long as that status isn't, "sleeps around a lot," or, "homewrecker."

BecretAlbatross · 2022-07-24T20:15:29+00:00

The type of guy matters. Most guys will settle with someone who's similar to their mom OR the hottest woman they can get. Which one the guy actually gets is somewhat luck or chance, so it's not something easy to predict imo.

DarthFarris · 2022-07-24T20:24:33+00:00

I think this is true of all people, but, for most women, I can figure out, within a few minutes of conversation, whether or not I would date them. It has a lot to do with personality, personal interests, lifestyle, etc.

ahillbilly97 · 2022-07-24T21:19:27+00:00

Long term fit and attraction

Ludens0 · 2022-07-24T21:19:38+00:00

LTR points: Beauty Mental stability Connection (sexual and beyond sex)

Extras: Empathy and kindness (to me and others) Sociability Motivation for something else than netflix Common objectives yet let space for individual growth

Winter_Lie_4994 · 2022-07-24T22:21:26+00:00

Because men deep down inside don’t like promiscuous women. It’s hard for men to get women in general at every age in their life. Women who have always had it easy getting sex and relationships, when they start to approach mid 20’s to their 30’s, now want men to shut out all the options they finally have coming their way as a result of either realized financial success or the women wanting to try the men they never gave a chance. Stay faithful to such a woman when she didn’t wait for her future long term partner, don’t sound right to them. This could also explain why a lot of men cheat.

So the short of it is men don’t like promiscuous women as it seems to be a practice in bad economic.

iLiveInAHologram94 · 2022-07-24T23:43:01+00:00

Sometimes I think it's the girl. And sometimes I think it's the timing.

catniagara · 2022-07-25T01:56:06+00:00

It’s not smart to lay all your cards on the table, sexually, if you want a guy to pursue a relationship with you. Trying to rise into a relationship from casual sex is like trying to win a race by running backwards. You’ll get to the finish line, but you won’t win.

In a relationship, in a courtship, lovemaking is the eventual goal. Casual sex says “I don’t respect you, I don’t respect me, this is just a bodily function”.

Would you marry the person who just used you like a toilet?

shockedpikachu123 · 2022-07-25T02:16:02+00:00

Men are extremely good at compartmentalizations. They know how to place who in what box right away. The person he’s sleeping with doesn’t mean they get the commitment necessarily because he knows how to not use his emotions. And sometimes men will settle with who’s convenient at the time of his life but will eventually go for who he thinks he deserves

2022-07-25T02:42:32+00:00

The girl showed her worth. She's there to take dick. That's not a woman you commit to if you have her, and if you're interested in her after she has been inservice to another man like that, to make her more than that, you're a fool.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-07-25T03:40:39+00:00

A couple of women have asked me this as a guy

These women think all guys must be having sex like Chad, because these women had sex with Chad, and that is the extent of the relationships they've had with men.

So it skews their view of men.

That's all.

Deltajonn · 2022-07-25T05:23:03+00:00

The woman who is more feminine is likely to be chosen. Straight guys aren’t interested in dating women who behave so lately to other guys. The closer a a girl gets to becoming masculine, the further she distances herself from being attractive.

KayRay1994 · 2022-07-25T05:57:47+00:00

he’s attracted to, but doesn’t have feeling for the girl he’s sleeping with, and he actually likes the girl he gets into a relationship with - simple as that

Warm_Gur8832 · 2022-07-25T06:36:07+00:00

Because relationships are ruled far more by emotion than anybody really wants to admit.

You just feel it out.

EugeneCezanne · 2022-07-25T14:12:47+00:00

Because we like them more. All of this internet driven focus on economizing dating belies the simple fact that individuals fall for individuals, for different reasons.

Immediate-Machine-18 · 2022-07-25T14:21:32+00:00

No men try to go for the most attractive women they can. Dating studies say men go for the top and work down.

Title	Why do men choose certain women over others as far as to pursue relationships with?
Author	MickIsBlue
Upvotes	100
Comments	324
Date	July 24, 2022 1:27 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/w6vmd8/why_do_men_choose_certain_women_over_others_as/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-men-choose-certain-women-over-others-as-far.1125021 https://theredarchive.com/post/1125021

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