Do you think a man wanting his woman to remain physically fit in a relationship is a reasonable thing to want?

CimZim · 2023-02-05T11:28:01+00:00

Sure, men and women typically want their partner to look roughly the same as when they first met. So long as both of them are realistic in the expectations and acknowledge that aging happens to both of them, I don't see a problem.

Birb-brained · 2023-02-05T08:01:49+00:00

I think it’s reasonable to want someone to stay healthy, yes. But it’s realistic to understand people go through things in their life that are out of their control.

My husband who was always physically fit, gained 40/50lbs in 6 months due to some medication he was put on many years ago. He hated it. It took him 3 years to finally lose it and his body is now physically fit again, but that weight gain took its toll and his body looks different to how it did when we first met at 20. It changed his skin.

These things happen in life, if your attraction to your partner is so fragile that you are unable to cope with changes that are highly likely to happen for various reasons, I don’t think it’s right that you make such a commitment as marriage to them or having children.

FineDevelopment00 · 2023-02-05T09:18:40+00:00

It's reasonable within reason. That is to say, couples should make necessary efforts to remain attractive to each other (and maintain health so as to be around for each other as long as humanly possible) but at the same time their expectations for each other should be realistic and their fidelity to each other shouldn't hinge on conditions such as appearance.

Ok-Map-7596 · 2023-02-05T05:29:18+00:00

Sure as long as he doesn't have a beer belly that looks like he's 9 month pregnant.

noonereadsthisstuff · 2023-02-05T10:48:30+00:00

If he's willing to remain physically fit as well it is. Relationships break down when people stop trying to be attractive to their partners.

nastyfella · 2023-02-05T05:38:28+00:00

It’s reasonable. But it’s also important to take into account the season of life you are in and how much time you can actually devote to staying fit. I know early motherhood is such a hard time both physically and mentally. If you want your partner to stay fit I would not vocalize that but just encourage them to join you in healthy eating habits and physical activity

northernlights190 · 2023-02-05T07:20:26+00:00

I think it’s quite reasonable to expect that remaining physically attractive to and for each other should be something both partners value. There has to be some leeway in that to account for life circumstances and events - illness, disability, whatever — but the intent and most importantly the consideration should be there.

FWIW I’d really expect the same of male partners. Bodies change over time for sure, but if a partner let himself go totally and wasn’t trying to change it, ultimately he’s saying he doesn’t value physical attraction in our relationship.

neetykeeno · 2023-02-05T12:44:43+00:00

Well like so many things in life...it depends? Is he willing to co-operate with and contribute to them as a household having a healthy lifestyle... taking his turn at shopping for and making healthy meal prep, going with her on runs, exercising with her, when she has kids take proper full care of the kids while she goes on a run, possibly doing more aerobic exercise than fits with getting himself swole because hey a family can go bushwalking together that's healthy family life?

Or is she going to be expected to pull an Instagram model body out of literally fucking nowhere while she works full time, does all the childcare, prepares all the food organises all the family stuff and cleans all the things? All while he pulls his dick to Instagram models and plays computer games and stuffs too much food or fast food in his mouth at every possible opportunity when he isn't at his paid employment?

I mean...a family is a system. Her fitness program is one of the first things that gets axed if she's overworked in that system. She gets fat, he gets to sit on his butt in front of a computer. That's the way it often goes. Doesn't have to be that way but she can't stop it going that way unless he is on board with stopping it.

1stevercody · 2023-02-05T05:53:43+00:00

It really depends. Pregnancy and birth are extremely stressful on a woman's body. We all change as we age, it gets harder to lose weight, and some people have other health issues. Then, keeping up with kids and family, housework and or career, etc etc. If you marry a woman and aren't giving 100% to help with all of this, I don't think you get to nitpick about putting on some weight, especially if you aren't in equal shape as well.

relish5k · 2023-02-05T14:10:10+00:00

Bodies change. Physically fit at 40 after pumping out 2-3 kids is not identical to physically fit at 23.

At the same time, every man and woman owes it to themselves, their partners and their children to eat healthy, stay active, and avoid getting obese.

MistyMaisel · 2023-02-05T14:24:58+00:00

Yes, provided you are as well, provided there's no pre-existing conditions that would prevent this, provided she's not pregnant or struggling because of post-pregnancy shit, and provided she has a work-life balance which would allow for this. If she has kids, a 40+ hour a week job, and is keeping the house, don't be surprised or a dick that a woman who has no time for herself isn't fit. And also, don't be cruel to her if she's struggling. Either leave or be supportive. This thing where men get with unfit girls and then carrot and stick them about it is disgusting.

TheMedsPeds · 2023-02-05T15:12:04+00:00

It really depends. Women tend to gain a little weight as they get older especially if they have multiple kids. To expect them to always have a flat stomach and the body of a 19-year-old is pretty unrealistic.

But at the same time, if you are making enough money that she can stay at home. I don’t think it’s unreasonable if you request she stay in the normal weight range. Especially if you offer to pay for gym membership or a personal trainer.

Now if you don’t make shit, so she’s got to work full time and run the house? Nah, deal with it if she puts on weight. She doesn’t have time to worry about staying slim for you.

I’m in my 30’s and weigh the same as I did in high school. I had a chunky phase (got up to 140 lbs) in my mid 20’s but that was because my husband at the time was a cook, always making unhealthy food and wanting me to be thick (didn’t like skinny) after he died and I dropped below healthy for about a year but then back up to my high school weight. Now I don’t have kids, but I find it rather easy not to get chunky. Cut out soda, soda, sweets and just don’t overeat. Idk I don’t have kids and never will though.

YaKnowEstacado · 2023-02-05T15:15:43+00:00

It's reasonable to want her to stay physically fit. It's not reasonable to want her to look like she did when you met. Bodies change, especially after kids. My fit 34-year-old self doesn't look like my fit 22-year-old self.

Cannonball_21 · 2023-02-05T16:39:52+00:00

It's reasonable, ONLY if you do half of the childrearing, half the household duties, laundry, cooking, cleaning, every single day and, Voila! She's got more time to care for herself mentally and physically, workout every day for an hour, get her hair and nails done, and feel good and look good.

Can't do that? Hire a maid, a nanny, a chef and a chaffeur for the kids for their soccer games. You don't get to have a working spouse, paramour, nanny, chef, chaffeur, and a maid for free. You have to choose which goes. Hire a maid and a nanny so she can focus on having the same amount of free time it took to take care of herself like she had when you first met her.

esotericquiddity · 2023-02-05T17:17:32+00:00

People need to understand that the way celebrities bounce back after having babies is not normal. The average woman/family cannot afford all the work that celebs do during and after baby to look like supermodels through that journey.

You also have to factor into hormonal changes that happen as women age and after birthing children. The hormonal shifts change the way bodies carry weight, which can lead to more abdominal weight carriage than previous decades in their lives.

Everyone else already covered needing a good solid partner to carry the load of domestic labor factoring into this.

Men have an easier time staying trim through the years because of testosterone. When progesterone and estrogen are your predominant sex hormones, it impacts the fat your body holds onto (whether you want it or not) and where. It’s a much more difficult dance for women. They may not be letting themselves go, but adjusting to the hormonal changes that come with aging.

OP if you’re looking for a supermodel partner through life, you better make enough money to afford that maintenance. Celebs don’t generally openly talk about how much money they spend on this.

Also, if you want to be super shallow and strict about it, you can get a pre-nup saying you are in the right to divorce someone for “letting themself go,” but that’s pretty extreme and kind of messed up.

Your best bet is to just find someone committed to the pursuit of aesthetic excellence throughout life. Not everyone cares about that forever.

houstongradengineer · 2023-02-05T05:58:12+00:00

You can want to go to Mars for all I care. I'm not gonna police your feelings unless they're literally about abusing children or something like that. A healthy level of fitness is, in fact, a great thing to want! I want that for myself. I look different lately too. What you call excuses I call life, and frankly your tone seems offensive in that way. Anyway, I look differently lately, but my ass works out at least an hour daily in the last week. Do you want to know why? Because my husband supports me. He gets together our meals, does our laundry, and makes protein/pre-workout drinks. I do my share, but he participates. He is working out lately, too. It is reasonable to actually think you have a chance at getting what you want only if YOU are making it happen. Are you meal prepping? Are you spotting at the gym? Are you learning about different dietary requirements? If you want to make it your business, you had better be making it your business. The work required to keep/get in shape as an older person with immense responsibilities is not an excuse, it is a reality. Get with the reality to be reasonable.

INFPneedshelp · 2023-02-05T14:08:20+00:00

Do you want to father a child with her? There's likely going to be a belly.

If you want her to shrink down, you better do more than half of the childcare so she can rest and go to the gym.

In any case, you better make this thing about yourself known to her early on so she can decide if you're worth it.

begayallday · 2023-02-05T06:36:50+00:00

All I will say is that it’s not an expectation that I have had of any of my partners, and I would be quite hurt if any of my partners expressed that they couldn’t be attracted to me if I gained weight.

Nellylocheadbean · 2023-02-05T14:32:00+00:00

It’s extremely reasonable but ppl in the west make too many excuses why they can’t stay active. Most are just lazy.

nunchuckbitch27 · 2023-02-05T14:52:14+00:00

I think it’s a totally reasonable expectation if your relationship is completely shallow and meaningless but then that means the man has to stay totally fit and he better not go bald

januaryphilosopher · 2023-02-05T09:23:59+00:00

If he stays physically fit himself and has reasonable expectations regarding illness and pregnancy, sure. He also should be willing to help her out so she actually has time to work out, men who say this often have wives with very stressful schedules from other demands. But it's reasonable to ignore that demand when it comes from someone who's falling apart themselves, especially if they have no babies to show for it.

sweetestpineapple · 2023-02-05T05:30:36+00:00

I used to but my opinion is changing. For context I’ve been in a relationship for years and we both look about the same as when we met. Physical attraction is the most important at the beginning of a relationship when that’s all you have. But when you start to love other aspects of the person looks often become a bonus instead of a requirement. Idk what you consider “out of shape” though and whether or not it’s realistic. Also off topic but why are your friends making excuses for how their wives look? That seems really insulting so I’m just curious about the context.

womandatory · 2023-02-05T12:12:09+00:00

Yes, within reason, but there are disclaimers.

He must also be comparatively fit.
He must carry half of the domestic load, and if they have kids, he must carry more when the kids are babies, because birthing and feeding kids is harder every day for months than any bitch workout he’s going to do on any given day. Literally.
He must understand that women’s bodies are fundamentally and biologically different from men’s, and that women’s bodies have vastly different needs as far as nutrition, rest and training than men do, and that changes with hormones, age, pregnancy/breastfeeding etc. If he’s pissing and moaning about baby weight or things like that, he can stfu.
Part of understanding the different needs is not being a jerk about eating stuff she can’t eat, or is trying to avoid eating in front of her, joking about it, or otherwise being a dick about it.
If he takes time for himself to stay fit, he must make time for her to do what she needs to do also.
He must be willing to accept that due to differences in body composition that are dictated by hormones, the same amount of effort from her will not reap the same degree of ‘reward’ as him.
He must not be an asshole and compare her to other women, especially women who’s literal job it is to be fit (fitness models etc), celebrities who have droves of staff to train them, care for kids, clean and cook the exact right meals for them, porn actors, their sister, or literally anyone else. A person’s fitness journey is theirs alone.

Given all that, sure, it’s reasonable to expect your partner to stay fit. Remember that men get old too. They get fat, their teeth get yellow, their skin wrinkles and crepes, their joints swell, their guts grow and they get grey, thin or bald. I wouldn’t date a man who was obese or even identifiably overweight, but I am absolutely attracted to men my own age and range of fitness level.

I like dad bods, fit and muscly with a bit of fat. I am not attracted to fully buff gym bros or skinny marathon runner body types. I expect my man to have the approximate same degree of fitness as me. It shows he cares about his health, and he cares enough to stay attractive to me. Anything less is not full participation in the relationship.

Raileyx · 2023-02-05T05:47:41+00:00

Yes, it is reasonable for a man to want his partner to remain physically fit, as long as the expectations are reasonable and both partners feel comfortable with the arrangement. It is important to remember that physical fitness and health should be a priority for both partners and should be discussed openly with respect and understanding.

mackenzie013_02 · 2023-02-05T07:02:46+00:00

I mean, I don’t want my man to have a dad bod, so yes.

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-02-05T14:12:19+00:00

Yes. My metric is you should stay the way you looked when you met or improve barring illness or during/right after pregnancy. I go to the gym 5+ times a week and want to look good for the woman I am with. I want them to feel the same way. I’ve typically said this pretty early on if I was getting serious with someone.

Emergency_Ad_6954 · 2023-02-05T15:34:40+00:00

There is nothing wrong with wanting your partner to stay fit

Safinated · 2023-02-05T16:24:18+00:00

You are allowed to divorce/break up for any reason. You can make any demands and have any expectations you desire, as long as they are legal. Ditching old fat wives for young hotties happens all the time

Let people make choices

Demasii · 2023-02-05T08:15:59+00:00

Reasonable to want? Sure.

But do men want it enough that they will change their lifestyle in the marriage to help get a fit wife back? Most are not.

Diets are hard unless the whole household participates. Cooking and cleaning after different meals is time consuming.

GooseneckRoad · 2023-02-05T06:08:23+00:00

It's just an opinion, but I don't think it's reasonable. SIDE NOTE, would it really be true love if someone considered ending things just because their partner gained weight or looked different? That sounds like a farce of a relationship if there ever was one.

literaryhogwartian · 2023-02-05T09:43:46+00:00

As long as he stays fit. And as long as he doesn't expect her to bounce back within months after pregnancy. And as long as he understands that pregnancy permanently alters her body

CarlosimoDangerosimo · 2023-02-05T05:34:55+00:00

Yes

In shape doesn't mean looking like a model when you're 70

It means keep your physical fitness up to a reasonable extent

Conversely, women wanting their men to stay in shape is also perfectly reasonable

Being your best self (within reason) is an inherent part of being a good partner

You can't really say you love your spouse (or even yourself) if you decide that ice cream and cake has become more important than keeping yourself in reasonable shape

Look at other countries. Look at our country in the 1960s. It is clearly possible for people to stay in reasonable shape (even at advanced ages), we have just been failing at the macro level.

The_Fenice · 2023-02-05T11:07:53+00:00

No. Fat is disgusting. There is not one health benefit from being fat. It's an objectively bad thing and anyone saying otherwise is coping. However, if the man is not also trying to be in shape, then he's a complete clown.

_revelationary · 2023-02-05T12:23:37+00:00

You may want to screen by looking at your future partner’s older family members then, because a lot of this is genetics.

Weight gain would not be a deal breaker for me in my husband. We’ve been married almost 7 years and when I started dating him he had just graduated college just after his last season of being a D1 college athlete. His body fat percentage was probably insanely low. Of course his body looks different now. Luckily he’s still fit but we have a toddler and really busy jobs — exercising is NOT easy. But I cook most of the meals and luckily I try to make things as healthy as possible.

Staying fit and healthy as a couple requires support from both partners. And sacrifice. And understanding that bodies change. A lot. Regardless of weight gain. My husband and I were 21 and 20 when we got together and now we are 34 and 33…we still look young and attractive but things change. Especially for a woman after having kids. Boobs change. Stretch marks happen. It’s a part of life - your partner is not going to stay the same, and willingness to love them through that is important. Otherwise just don’t get married/commit to someone.

General_Doubt7181 · 2023-02-05T13:03:23+00:00

Same for men.

It’s so hard to stay in shape over 35.

I feel sorry for women with kids tho. I have no one to take care of and I have to push myself to do it. And I am strict with a diet. Hard to do that with kids.

If a man wants his wife in shape, he needs to be with the babies all the time as well as when they are toddlers to teens so that she will not be exhausted.

And she can get a chef, and a personal trainer and that may help.

If you want her to look like Shakira, men need to make money like Shakira 😄

wild_thingtraveler35 · 2023-02-05T13:17:58+00:00

Yes and absolutely yes. That simple!

Comfortable-Clock-44 · 2023-02-05T14:07:14+00:00

Yes but women are selfish

ibookmarkeverything · 2023-02-05T09:57:12+00:00

Of course it is. Especially if she's expecting you to be monogamous to her. Imagine getting married and now for the next 30 - 40 years you're expected to only have eyes for a slob. That's your prize. Everyone around you thinking, "I dunno how he does it, but couldn't be me."

Same thing to the man btw. Whatever makes your girl attracted to you, you should do everything you can to maintain it. It's only fair and respectful.

Radiant-Bat-1562 · 2023-02-05T08:39:42+00:00

.....

I mean if you feel you have to communicate this you are pretty much screwed. Besides she will always find an excuse no matter what.

So yeah you are screwed.

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commonmaynee · 2023-02-05T08:38:08+00:00

Imo reasonable.

But you need to work out in the dating stage whether they're into fitness or not. You will struggle to keep people who aren't into fitness on track, and you can't force people to share your values.

You also have to bring to the table what you expect potentially. Otherwise it's to justify your expectation.

seeyouonthelanai · 2023-02-05T09:38:33+00:00

Yeah, it's reasonable. I think it's great when couples have a shared sport activity. Like going cycling, rollerblading hiking, etc. together.

You can even meal prep together.

I see this problem more in America compared to Europe and it's because of how our cities are designed. Here, it's easier as a mom to still stay active without going to the gym because you'll be walking all over the place to take kids to the parks, play gyms, pool, etc. In the US, you have to go out of your way to be active for the most part. I think it's better for mental health as well.

Cult_of_Chad · 2023-02-05T09:55:34+00:00

Of course.

If the relationship started with an expectation of physical intimacy and both partners were committed to maintaining sexual compatibility stuff like that needs to be taken seriously. Otherwise that's just a first class ticket to dead bedroom town.

That said... It's only reasonable if you communicated those preferences before the relationship got serious, though. Sexual compatibility should be the kind of stuff you hash out in the Tindr stage of dating, not after you're married with three kids.

ForeverMaleficent993 · 2023-02-05T10:08:36+00:00

He's got to like MILFs first of all (cause then when you have your kid he's gonna find you even more attractive) and staying/getting fit benefits everyone. More energy and comfort

SnooCats37 · 2023-02-05T13:56:07+00:00

As long as you hold yourself to the same standard it’s fine. It’s a bit shallow though, bodies change as you age

Thatshygurl · 2023-02-05T14:30:35+00:00

Nope, like others said though, as long as the husband is also reasonably fit

bootyhunter69420 · 2023-02-05T15:21:49+00:00

I don't think it's unreasonable. It's not too hard to exercise a bit and not overeat. But I wonder how much pregnancy affects the body.

Redwolfdc · 2023-02-05T15:22:16+00:00

I think yes and this applies regardless of gender. It’s a lifestyle thing as well. If one of you works out religiously and the other prefers to sit on the couch and eat fast food all day, it’s gonna be hard to be compatible. There’s also health implications. Obesity is actually a health problem and people are not just “healthy at any size” despite all the efforts to convince everyone otherwise.

In the dating market fit people tend to have more options vs fat people, especially in a country like the US where so many are obese or overweight. In relationships many people unfortunately “let themselves go” and have difficulty eating healthy and staying in shape.

Sade_061102 · 2023-02-05T16:07:13+00:00

As a girl, I’d say it’s pretty reasonable, especially if you as the man take care of your appearance, obviously nothing model level ya know but the both of you taking care of skin, hair, healthy (ish) diet to stay in a healthy weight range, the gym if either of you like. Tbf, for the most part it just comes to taking care of your body and good hygiene, if you can do that well, I think appearance and fitness comes with it

Green__Bananas · 2023-02-05T16:15:31+00:00

Yeah but it’s a two way street. The man can’t be fat unless he’s really rich

ChadChasingB · 2023-02-05T17:13:43+00:00

Of course. I have the same requirements for men.

doggiedoc2004 · 2023-02-05T17:15:15+00:00

It’s reasonable as long as the same applies to the man.

CampaignOk3234 · 2023-02-05T17:21:35+00:00

dependapotamus

bluehorserunning · 2023-02-05T17:24:38+00:00

If he wants to have kids and they can't afford a nanny, yes. If he expects to be with her past middle age, yes. It's unreasonable.

bsmith440 · 2023-02-05T18:01:26+00:00

Yes i have to remind my wife sometimes she has gained too much weight and needs to slim down.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-02-05T18:43:16+00:00

Just because you aren't aroused by their wives, doesn't mean they aren't.

If they aren't and it's a dealbreaker for them they should leave so she can find someone who actually desires her.

I think it's fine to have a preference but it's unrealistic to expect someone to stay thin as they age as a lot of people put on weight.

Unless they are childfree they are going to put on weight getting pregnant and for most people pregnancy weight is not easy to take off, especially while your body is knitting back together and you're not getting sleep.

OP I'm not saying you're unreasonable, what you are attracted to is what you're attracted to, just that you may not be realistic.

Especially with the illnesses and injuries that come with age, someone who normally is a runner but turns older and suddenly her knees are damaged from running may have to suddenly do an alternative that doesn't keep her as fit, especially until her knee strengthens, she gets a wrap or brace or something et cetera.

People who are very athletic in high school and college (football, et cetera) can severely damage joints doing that and then become unable to move around as much when older and put on a lot of weight.

If you plan to stay with someone or be with someone at every decade of your life, it's likely their body will become soft, it's harder for their metabolism to benefit as much as it did from exercise, things won't be firm anymore in most cases. For you and the person you decide to date in most cases.

Yes you can try to date younger but most people date within four or five years of their age, and ultimately age will still catch up with them too.

KissMyAsthma-99 · 2023-02-05T19:04:01+00:00

I think most men think the same way on the topic: all people should control the things they can control if those things matter to their partner.

Weight is 100%, always, always, always, within a person's control. There are zero reasonable-example exceptions. So, if your weight matters to your partner, you should maintain it. The same applies to anything else within your control. Aging skin? Can't control that. Balding? Can't control that. Cancer? Can't control that.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-02-05T19:45:20+00:00

If the guy also keeps himself fit, sure, I don't think it's bad wanting your partner to be in shape. If the guy has also let himself go as well, he can't really complain.

And the thing is - we all get older and our bodies will change. Sometimes it's stress, sometimes medications can cause you to gain weight, sometimes you have kids and between them, work and taking care of the house you don't have the time and energy to get back into shape. Obviously we should strive to remain attractive enough for our partners, but if you married someone for the sole reason that they were hot and fit and you expect that to never change, that's a bit unreasonable.

Krouser1522 · 2023-02-06T03:22:52+00:00

It is reasonable but trust me for every human being especially in usa..it’s extremely easy to put on weight especially as you get older and metabolism slows down. I was physically fit and worked out 4 days a week and ate healthy when I met my wife at the gym then I gained 60 pounds..it took me years to finally get back on track and it’s exhausting to how much you have to stay on top of everything to not put the pounds on..as soon as I decide to stop and relax and not just eat vegetables and chicken the weight gain starts again. It’s a constant battle especially if you have a craving for your favorite restaurants around town

onestH · 2023-02-05T17:47:50+00:00

As reasonable as expecting a man to maintain or improve his earnings. Provided that I’d be so irrational to get married, where the woman is rewarded, handsomly, for breaking the contract, I’d go ahead and divorce her, take the hit, if she got fat. One option would be cheating, fucking with attractive women on the side but a real man makes the wife accept that or leaves her. He doesn’t deceive like a coward.

I’m single currently and have a rotation of 4 women and plan on adding more. In this day and age where men are assholes if they cheat or get cheated on — and female promiscuity is celebrated — why would a guy even entertain entering a relationship?

Title	Do you think a man wanting his woman to remain physically fit in a relationship is a reasonable thing to want?
Author	EBITDA_5x
Upvotes	32
Comments	244
Date	February 5, 2023 5:18 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/10u3jwc/do_you_think_a_man_wanting_his_woman_to_remain/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-think-a-man-wanting-his-woman-to-remain.1150832 https://theredarchive.com/post/1150832

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