Adults of PPD, do you have friends who just can't get a relationship despite being good potential partners?

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2023-02-25T09:02:43+00:00

Yes, most of the friend group are forever single. They are average looking nerdy type of people. Super friendly and caring.

It's almost surprising how they are single, but then I remembered what the vast majority of women actually care about and to there guys are as boring as they can get. (Genuinely nice, sweet, and caring along with social hobbies equals boring)

mike-sonko · 2023-02-25T04:31:31+00:00

Yes, most are just normal average guys in terms of character and earnings(9-5 job, college educated, have their own place etc) but they are short. 5'5" - 5'8". I live in a large cosmopolitan area so competition is stiff here for them.

I_DRINK_ANARCHY · 2023-02-25T06:52:20+00:00

I've got a buddy who I can't see why he's single. He's hot, fit, musically talented, has a good job, owns his own home, and has a fun life with a variety of hobbies. And according to some of the chicks he's been with, he's apparently no slouch in the bedroom either. Seems like a major catch to me.

The only thing I can figure out that's keeping him from a long term relationship is the type of chick he attracts and is attracted to. Most of the women he's been with aren't looking for something steady, and they assume he's the same as them. So whatever they have between them burns hot and then burns out. And while he's someone who enjoys a no-strings-attached relationship, he's talked openly to me and my husband about wanting something more permanent. I've tried casually setting him and some of my single friends up in the past, but to no avail. Dunno, it's odd. I'm sure at some point he'll find the right woman.

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-02-25T09:32:53+00:00

Yes, and the one thing they all have in common is they are awkward as fuck. I don’t think I could even call them friends but we work together and I’m not a complete dickhead so I do make the effort but it’s clear why they struggle with women

liefelijk · 2023-02-25T05:05:40+00:00

My older brother keeps striking out. He’s been in LTRs and even was engaged, but he is always with women who seem like they’re not ready to settle down. He’s in his mid-30s still chasing after early-20s women, so there’s the rub.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-02-25T03:23:56+00:00

I had one girl friend who was perennially single since her early 20s. She was 6 foot tall and very shy. She eventually did find a boyfriend in her 40s - a much younger one in fact. They were together for 7 or 8 years but she broke up with him because she was having some serious health issues that were impacting her ability to care for herself and also I think the age gap was getting to her. Nothing he did wrong, just I think she was having difficulty keeping up.

stats135 · 2023-02-25T03:06:55+00:00

Literally every man I know that is under 5'4''. I'm going to wager its not a coincidence.

Ok-Divide4621 · 2023-02-25T04:06:54+00:00

This question should really be geared towards people under 30.

One the people older for the most part are coming from a different climate and two had a lot of time for their friends to find someone and for women to hit the wall and settle.

Let's be honest 64% of men under 30 are single. Are some of those decent options, most likely.

/Thread

minanaro_3776 · 2023-02-25T14:30:34+00:00

Many. Women just overrate themselves so the average woman isn't dating the average man.

Goyeyo565 · 2023-02-25T16:41:10+00:00

I know plenty of normal, good guys with stable jobs who are completely celibate and it's not because they're terrible people but because they're toooo stable (boring), not prestigious enough and/or sexually unappealing (dime a dozen average/below average).

That's why I get upset when people equate men's lack of a dating success with them being terrible people because I know for a fact that being a good person is not enough for getting laid. I'll even argue that morally questionable men are the ones getting the most pussy because they have no problems stepping over boundaries while good men won't.

YaKnowEstacado · 2023-02-25T03:09:18+00:00

I only have a few friends who are still single, and for every one of them I could tell you what their major malfunction is that's keeping them from having a successful relationship.

bluestjuice · 2023-02-25T04:20:32+00:00

Yes. Although in most cases I can see what the major difficulties/drawbacks are for them.

saraimarsena · 2023-02-25T05:06:46+00:00

idk, i think the lens with which we view a potential partner is different than the lens with which we view our friends.

we all say that our friends are great people, they have great interests, great humor.

but honestly if you have a friend that happens to always have shitty relationships, whether you wanna believe it or not, they are the common denominator.

OmoshiroiKudamono · 2023-02-25T09:09:01+00:00

YES. I know men who are good men. They are respectful to others, even when no woman is watching. If they were putting on the "nice guy" act, then, unless they are attracted to 70+ y/o men and women, they aren't "showing off" kindness to anyone. These men also have jobs and a residence. The problem is finding a DECENT partner who will TRULY care about them. Not someone who views him as a "beta bucks." I even try to set them up, but they are viewed as "boring" before they even had a 1st date.

szclimber · 2023-02-25T03:36:28+00:00

Yes. 1 guy has no charisma/game. 1 guy is very short. Some fat guys and girls.

MDFornia · 2023-02-25T03:33:33+00:00

Of my dude friends who fit the bill, most are depressed, losers, and/or just not on the market. I don't think most of them want to change, which is a shame. My woman friends who can't get relationships tend to be more complicated, but probably the most common traits are pickiness and mild Cluster-B tendencies.

KingOnixTheThird · 2023-02-25T14:20:09+00:00

Well being on the autism spectrum, I know a lot of autistic guys (including myself) that are forever single and can't get a girlfriend, and it's usually for a variety of reasons. Some are below average looking, others have extreme anxiety and hardly talk, and some have no interest in dating whatsoever.

As for me, the first half of my twenties, I pursued quite a few women and was rejected by all of them. I could get "dates" if you want to call them that, but women just were not interested in me whatsoever. Afterwards, I kind of just stopped trying and gave up. I never took rejection too well, it always felt like a pierce to the heart every single time, and I just realized that I'm happier when I'm not chasing girls. Pretty much all of my problems in life have been caused by women.

northernlights190 · 2023-02-25T03:32:32+00:00

Yes, a few. In all cases there is a significant barrier to dating, whether it be a major physical disability, very evident autism, or a major mental health issue that makes it difficult for them to date.

MiddlePatuxent · 2023-02-25T03:48:59+00:00

Yes, I am my own best friend.

Women are not attracted to me because I am autistic and do a lot of hand flapping. I explain to people that I could be a good partner in plenty of other ways (good money, low bodyfat, cool hobbies, funny and empathetic), and then people yell at me for "ASSUMING you're ENTITLED to a RELATIONSHIP"

If you think this is exaggerated, look at my post history for ten fucking seconds

Anti_Thing · 2023-02-25T06:23:06+00:00

>they have some majors flaws that make them undatable.

What are some specific examples of such flaws? (This is a serious question: I'm concerned I myself might have "major flaws" that make me "undatable".)

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begayallday · 2023-02-25T03:36:33+00:00

No. The only friends I have who are single are not actively looking. Or they wouldn’t make a great partner. Or both.

Safinated · 2023-02-25T05:34:03+00:00

Nope. Nor relatives. Everyone who wants a partner is partnered; everyone who is single wants to be single.

I do confess that I am in boring average middle class land

houstongradengineer · 2023-02-25T05:44:08+00:00

I know some guys in the restaurant industry where I work who are looking. I don't know them well enough to know for sure, but I do know that one of them is great at putting himself out there and flirting while the other didn't have the balls to give his crush a bear for Valentine's day. Being dishwashers doesn't exactly help anyone find a serious relationship, of course, but I feel like they coul stand a chance. They asked to be set up with people I know. But they work with me, I'm new to the state. They know who I know! I told the guys crush that she had an admirer of Valentine's day. Told her who it was. She seemed disinterested the whole time, that's all I know.

Temporary-Drawing212 · 2023-02-25T08:55:32+00:00

What is this post? Just because you know them as a friend does not mean you know them in intimate relationships

januaryphilosopher · 2023-02-25T10:59:44+00:00

I know of some people, but they're just very shy. As in, I wouldn't have even met them if they weren't sort of made to through being on my course or whatever. Meeting people is the first step to dating them.

MultipleHeadshot · 2023-02-25T12:12:11+00:00

I have a buddy in the navy that’s 5’3” and no matter how hard he tries he just doesn’t get a girl friend. I have never felt so bad for someone. He’s a good person though.

Gilmoregirlin · 2023-02-25T15:25:03+00:00

Being friends with someone it's very hard to tell if there is or is not something wrong with them. People (particularly men) are very different in relationships than they are amongst their friends. I suspect they have some severe communication issue, a personality disorder, are suffering for a sexual dysfunction or just have some deep issues they don't want to deal with that you cannot see on the surface.

EDIT: and this is usually for older folks than those in their 20s. It's also possible that they just have been hurt too many times in past relationships and have removed themselves from dating for that reason.

gopher_glitz · 2023-02-25T16:06:44+00:00

I know guys 6'3" plus that have decent jobs but don't make 6figs. They probably could get with gross, terrible attitude fatties but they'd rather just do their hobbies with their friends and pets but they are romantically lonely.

_here_ok · 2023-02-25T16:27:51+00:00

personally i think there are two types of people.

those who form a strong foundation for themselves and those that don't.

most don't form strong foundations, leading to being a terrible partner or being incapable of forming a relationship. they get one thing right but the other things wrong.

it's like having one pillar be unstable but the other is stable. it is going to inevitably fall and collapse on one side.

your friends who are desirable as life long partners are probably super stable in being alone, self dependent and caring but they are lacking something . meanwhile those who are terrible partners probably have the ability to consistently identify and form a relationship but are terrible in terms of maintaining it.

throwaway164_3 · 2023-02-25T16:49:49+00:00

Of course; more than 50% of my guy friends! Great jobs, great personalities, in shape and single

Whereas women their age are easily dating and sleeping with tons of (very good looking) men

It’s never been a better time to be a woman; they are insanely privileged

daddysgotanew · 2023-02-25T17:03:40+00:00

Absolutely. I know some men who owned houses in their early 20’s that couldn’t get laid in a whorehouse with a wad of $100’s.

They’re average looking. That’s the only negative trait they have.

farrahamelia · 2023-02-25T18:13:29+00:00

a very close friend of mine is a real catch. she has the cutest personality ever, she's a total hopeless romantic, she's a homebody and knows how to cook, she knows how to think for herself, she's smart, but she hasn't found a boyfriend at 25. which is pretty bizarre because even if she's shy, usually it's guys that go up and approach girls 90 percent of the time. many of our fellow friends (which i heavily disagree with their idea beacuse imo it's like they want her to change) have asked her to "put herself out there" and act all flirty with guys, go out to parties and stuff and she herself has declined to do so. i respect her very much for staying true to herself

NockerJoe · 2023-02-25T03:34:34+00:00

Usually I'd say so but recently after knowing a few people for several years I've discovered the kind of personality flaws that a date would probably find much more quickly. Or else they have requirements that would filter out most available people because they're demanding a specific kind of person thats not easy to come by.

A good number of them are also not traditionally attractive but I'm beginning to realize its less their looks holding them back and more they don't have the good looks to make up for their issues.

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-02-25T06:20:46+00:00

All the time. Great dudes, tall, in good shape, great jobs. But they are in their 30s and believe in similar age dating. Getting with women who have already been alpha widowed is their crux. Sucks, but they don’t want to hear it.

CringeButCorrect · 2023-02-25T05:03:46+00:00

Yes absolutely. In contrast, almost every abuser, cheater, etc has no problem with women. Just an observation though.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-02-25T04:56:23+00:00

No actually. The only struggling people I know are not great partners. Or wouldn’t be. It’s only like two people

ta06012022 · 2023-02-25T05:03:50+00:00

Can't get a relationship or don't get a relationship? Different questions.

I know some guys who don't get relationships because they don't want one. They're just not interested in anything serious. I've been this way on and off, because dating apps make it pretty easy at least in a big city, but I've also had some relationships. I have some friends who seem to be stuck in that mode permanently. Almost feels like an addiction.

I know other guys and girls who don't get relationships because their expectations aren't reasonable. I'm friends with this one guy from my frat who I've known for years, but he's pretty much been single the whole time. The problem is, he's pretty average, but isn't interested in a relationship with an average girl. He's a 6 who can hook up with 6s, but thinks he's a 9 who should be in a relationship with a 10.

In both cases, I wouldn't say that these guys can't get relationships. They either don't want them or aren't willing to settle for something realistic.

k_aevitas · 2023-02-25T14:40:21+00:00

It's because of your perspective. It's kind of more complicated than just stating it to be a flaw to be honest and being a good person or life partner is subjective. There are many beautiful amazing kind hearted people who struggle with finding long term partners because deep down inside they have some kind of damage usually from childhood abuse that makes them feel abandoned and unworthy of love. Not just that, many people can put them on some unreachable pedestal and treat them as a trophy and not a person and leave them because of their own insecurities. They can literally be a multi millionaire and look like a Greek god and have tremendous love and empathy to give and still have this happen to them. You attract what you truly feel deep down about yourself. I know of some truly stunning empathetic wonderful intelligent women who cannot find a partner, always betrayed abandoned , cheated on or left behind even when the men pursue her heavily first. This is not something that's consciously happening but at an energetic level the people end up following a script she has inside about herself where she likely was raised with abuse or unavailable caregivers. It's not their fault but it's tragic and only way out is realising that to work on themselves usually with therapy.

redkoicarp · 2023-02-25T08:55:51+00:00

The same as you, OP. Most people know why they aren't in a relatinship, including themselves (myself included as well). Don't have anyone who is "perfect" (according to some superficial "objective" standards) and doesn't know why they are single, that doesn't exist in my case.

That being said, I hope it's clear that it doesn't mean they are bad people or unloveable. Struggling financially/mentally or not looking attractive enough doesn't mean you'll make for a bad partner necessarily (it's only debateable with mental instability), it's just that it's hard out there for people. I hope and think they'll find someone eventually.

Pilling_it · 2023-02-25T11:29:43+00:00

Yes. There are some who can't get a relationship because of either not getting women (as in understanding) or another flaw, or they're just not interested.

But having game for bagging someone and keeping someone are two entirely differents games, so I think it's worth mentioning. There are some who I feel the issue would be more in keeping said relationship.

DzejSiDi · 2023-02-25T13:00:03+00:00

Low SMV != being a bad partner Terrible dating prospects in your arena != being a bad partner.

Ofc I know many. And what's preventing people like this is mostly lack of proper social circles with women.

KayRay1994 · 2023-02-25T13:21:12+00:00

nope - everybody i know who’s single is either

1) not in the space to date

2) doesn’t put in any effort

or 3) is dating around and hasn’t found anyone to commit to yet

So really when you break it down, in my social life at the very least, there is no “single depsite being a good partner”, and i’m sure that’s the case for all circles….. cause if you’re gonna be a good partner, someone is bound to notice lol

lovelythecove · 2023-02-25T13:33:54+00:00

I know no single adults who genuinely have no reason they’re single except 1, but he’s had a slew of very toxic relationships, which means there’s obviously something going on behind the scenes I’m not privy to ask I’ve never dated him. (And I’m not about to ask what’s going on.)

One toxic ex, okay, bad luck. Two? Hmmm. But 3+? Okay something’s going on with YOU too.

sugartomyT · 2023-02-25T13:56:15+00:00

I don't know anyone who is a half decent human being who can't get a partner, no matter the genders, and no matter how they look. Sure, they won't score models or whatever, but they still can find another uggo who wants to be with them.

Birb-brained · 2023-02-25T14:50:46+00:00

Tbh I don’t have any forever single friends. There is an acquaintance I can think of that my husband knows but I’d say is very obvious why he can’t get anywhere with women sadly.

PMmeareasontolive · 2023-02-25T15:26:27+00:00

I know some, they just have some combination of shyness and introversion. I wouldn't say they are broken (unless you consider those traits broken - it is a bad combo, especially for men) because they've had at least some relationship experience before.

BigBrainChick · 2023-02-25T16:08:58+00:00

What's ppd

vzmal · 2023-02-25T16:45:24+00:00

That’s about half of single men. Nothing is wrong with them but women, if they can, only want to date up, not sideways. They want to date better than, not equal to. They want someone with more than they have.

Amazing-Key-1575 · 2023-02-25T16:46:54+00:00

Tons. Women who would objectively be considered their “equals” or lower - be that looks, income, morality, maturity, demographic, etc… - think they deserve the best which is often an impossibility.

Many of these men have had relationships. LTR’s that ended in one way or another because the woman wanted more. When realistically there is nothing another or new man or series of men will offer that is ultimately any greater than what they could have established were the average woman capable of reciprocal love nowadays.

And there are some who have had more women than Casanova, thus feel no need to repeat the story they’ve witnessed or participated in 400 times. Thus they focus on becoming better men. Often dropping out of society to explore more spiritually inclined paths.

Lastly there’s a subset of men that do want relationships & crave sex or Romance with a Woman - but they also harbor conflicting notions that “real women” no longer exist, thus can’t ever dance the dance or play the game well enough to keep women interested.

My own experience is complicated. I know why I’m single. But I also know if I sought women in a manner I used to I would have zero trouble obtaining a partner. In fact if I just wrote the truth about my life situation on Tinder I could probably find a girlfriend in a week or two. But she wouldn’t really love me, she’d love the idea of me and what I am in myth.

So until I move back to a city where I can regularly meet women, who I can click with on an immediate energetic level, I don’t want to date any that are principally interested in my life situation over who I am in the moment of meeting them. If that makes sense.

Summation: most men aren’t good enough for the modern “woman”.

Anxious-Tailor-7182 · 2023-02-25T13:57:15+00:00

No, I don't know any. Not that I was so interested in state of their personal life.

Title	Adults of PPD, do you have friends who just can't get a relationship despite being good potential partners?
Author	JMoon33
Upvotes	37
Comments	142
Date	February 25, 2023 2:56 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/11ba4au/adults_of_ppd_do_you_have_friends_who_just_cant/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/adults-of-ppd-do-you-have-friends-who-just-cant.1153417 https://theredarchive.com/post/1153417

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