Men are attracted to narcissistic and BPD women because they are also hypersexual, not because of their personality.

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-07-05T23:05:12+00:00

I think men like the validation that comes from being a BPD's "favorite person" and then she switches to hating you then back to liking you gets you on an emotional roller coaster. Obviously this wouldn't work if she wasn't always having sex with him but you guys like your egos to be inflated too.

96tillinfinity_ · 2023-07-05T22:45:12+00:00

I think I agree with this. Men are not attracted to narcissistic women. Narcissistic women are just always seeking validation and dick from men so they are the ones who put out the most

KayRay1994 · 2023-07-05T23:30:07+00:00

this is true to an extent, but not always and it certainly isn’t the whole truth - people with BPD are so hyper-emotional to where hyper-sexual is a big part of it, but people with BPD also have a habit to turning their partners into the most important person in the world, and feeling that way can make anyone hooked. Ie. not only is she wild in bed, but she also makes you feel like the most important person in the world and that everything about your relationship is magical (until things go bad, that is).

I do sympathize with women with BPD though (partially cause i’m a man with BPD and I get it), when you’re in that euphoric, hyper-emotional state there is a lot of fear behind it, a lot of pressure (ie. “I need to be this way or he’ll leave me” is a common thought - the thought many times isn’t accurate, but its based on some really deep trauma), and more often than not, idolizing someone to that extent not only sets them up for disappointment, but it isn’t fair for the person being idolized as well as you’re turning them into something they’re not.

Most women with BPD i’ve met are some of the best people i’ve met and some of the most fun - but generally (and this goes out to the men with the disorder as well), once you realize you have it, you should probably stay away from dating until you’ve at least managed half your symptoms.

coldhazel · 2023-07-05T22:51:32+00:00

Those women have the balls to sleep with men early and often. They are intolerable to be around long-term.

Reasonable_Listen514 · 2023-07-06T02:38:20+00:00

Most guys don't get a lot of female attention. So when a decent looking woman love bombs you and fucks you like a porn star, it's easy to get hooked. It's easy to disregard red flags and let bad behavior slide, because you don't want to lose the good part of the relationship. But it only gets worse and worse, but even then, it can be hard to walk away.

Environmental_Day558 · 2023-07-05T23:54:32+00:00

This post is pretty eye opening because I had the same experience. Dated a girl that although not formally diagnosed she was the most narcissistic person I've met and it's not close. Also very horny, she almost always initiated sex. Often times wanted to have sex in the back seat because she couldn't wait until we got home and random times of the day. Nice and all but outside of sex everything else was a headache. Pretty much the only thing that kept me was loneliness but eventually I got to the point to where I didn't care I just rather not deal with her.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-07-05T23:15:48+00:00

The manic pixie dream girl is a common Hollywood trope for a reason. It’s not just because of hypersexuality, though can be. It’s the novelty of this “not like other girls” free spirited unicorn just waiting to be tamed by you. Kinda like the bad boy/good girl dynamic in reverse. I agree that some of those girls do not make good partners though. For some reason a number of those types of girls have wanted to be my friend. I’m their straight man foil, I guess. It has ended poorly occasionally.

DoinIt989 · 2023-07-05T23:30:31+00:00

No, it's also their personality. The extreme highs and lows can feel very validating. Also if you're a "spectrum" guy, the obvious emotional outbursts can feel easier, you know where you stand.

At the end of the day, no one likes a boring person. I don't understand the guys here who claim they just want a doormat bangmaid who never speaks her mind or is "peaceful". Men like drama too, it makes you feel alive.

Hoopy223 · 2023-07-05T23:26:56+00:00

Guys are attracted to pretty, flirty women.

Very few guys will date a hot girl because she keys their car or changes her mind every five minutes. They date her because she is HOT.

Also “crazy” people know how to keep up appearances. She’s not going to call your mother and claim you are abusive or wreck your apartment refrigerator within the first few months. She will be the greatest girlfriend ever…until she’s not lol.

swag_Lemons · 2023-07-06T01:31:29+00:00

I agree with this to a big extent. Most of the girls I’ve known with bpd are actually terrible people and are extremely clingy, I became their special person that they were attached to so I had to deal with it.

Bpd is a mental illness developed from some sort of trauma, I don’t think all ppl with bpd are shitty, but a majority are so enveloped in their mental Illness (and I don’t believe it’s their fault) that it’s really hard to see when you become the pos abuser instead of being the victim of abuse.

I know a girl with BPD who’s super hyper sexual and can’t keep a stable relationship, she has a new bf every 3 months at the longest, and they always are super toxic together, she’s toxic but she also picks crappy guys. they get intimate physically and emotionally super quickly (sleepovers and stuff) literally weeks into the relationship. They’re always together for a week and then she starts posting about how inlove she is.

She’s super hyper sexual and that’s def how she gets bfs.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-07-06T05:36:26+00:00

Being obsessed with sex is a personality trait. You're describing something (very stereotypical) you like about these women's personalities. You're saying women like men with the same traits for the same kind of reason too.

Mentathiel · 2023-07-05T23:39:19+00:00

Why is the symptom of mental illness which turns you on "just one aspect not crucial to the illness itself", but aspects of that same mental illness that turn women on are "the illness itself"?

Women tend to like confidence and dominance of narcissistic men. If you remove those aspects from it, like having an "altruistic narcissist" aka your stereotypical takes care of everyone, takes up other people's responsibilities, wants gratitude, doesn't communicate and wants people to read their minds, plays victim, is always a martyr, is passive-aggressive, etc. type of narcissist, women don't tend to flock to those types. They're not attracted to narcissism, but some symptoms appear to be stuff they want until you scratch the surface and find out it's hollow.

Same as BPD may appear as hypersexuality to you, but it's not about expression of her sexual desires, but a need to maintain attention and be desired by others, maintain your fascination with her, keep you close. She might find that sexually gratifying in the moment because of her disorder, but it comes from an unhealthy place. I mean, I guess you don't know until they get over BPD, maybe they do have genuinely high libido, but it's often people-pleasing and attention-seeking.

operapeach · 2023-07-06T03:06:23+00:00

Not always true. Hypersexuality and promiscuity CAN be defining features of a personality disorder, but some people swing the other direction.

Narcissistic men are more common than narcissistic women, and women with BPD are usually shaped by and drawn to narcissists. If a guy is chronically into women with BPD, it says something about him, too.

Also—these are serious disorders. Most of the people you’re thinking of probably do not have actual personality disorders, but might exhibit some traits. “BPD” and “NPD” are not synonyms for crazy, they have specific diagnostic criteria.

Necessary_Box_3934 · 2023-07-06T05:09:08+00:00

As a woman with BPD: we become so hypersexual because we want to be perfect for you. We want to be the perfect girl and become what we think you want us to become. We want to be the girl you could never dare to dream about ever existing. So we can never ever get abandoned. The lengths we go to to not get abandoned (real or imagined) is unreal. So unreal you can't even comprehend it.

If you are a shitty man (and we tend to flock towards shitty abusive assholes) and you want us to become this hypersexual pornstar perfect fucktoy for you, we are going to do that. But if you are okay with that and see no problem in treating your partner like that, and see no issue in viewing the person you love as a sex object, then you need fucking help. For real. You need to do some intense introspection if that is a relationship dynamic you see no issue in.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming you for us hypersexualising ourselves. That's our issues and we need fucking help with that. But I am blaming you if you think it's in any way okay to treat the person you love like that, and view her like that.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2023-07-05T23:41:43+00:00

You're forgetting something very very important about people with BPD: favorite person.

Not only do they validate their partners sexually with their desire but also if you're their FP it can be another massive ego boost.

So I guess in a way a narcissist, or just run of the mill ego issues, they would love many aspects of being with someone with BPD.

BrummieAMN19 · 2023-07-05T23:56:52+00:00

Women with NPD and/or BPD also know how to mirror your wants and needs and will fill up your ego to get what they want out of you. So from the mans perspective he's just met the woman of his dreams when in reality its just a ruse.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/QoXfEzmM070 For example this woman is a clincial narcissistic sociopath describing how she's successfully dated and manipulated men and women. This woman's happily engaged as well to a rich guy despite using men like making a date of her drive to her other date on the same day and also admitting not even seeing men or women as humans lmao. And pretty much being the type red pillers say that she should be lonely and miserable.

I used to do similar tactics when attracting women as love bombing them is different when a woman does it to a man.

OptionNearby928 · 2023-07-06T06:54:03+00:00

Not really. That's just a bonus.

The same way that these types of women can be irrationally destructive and horrible, they are also irrationally loving and obsessive. As a man, that feeling is intoxicating. A more mentally stable girl isn't going to give you that extreme kind of affection.

Then, when it's suddenly took away, you'll do anything to get it back.

Then when you get it back, you feel like you achieved something, overcome some adversity together and that creates a deeper bond.

Plus you feel more invested into the relationship because you had to put in the effort to save it, and accepting the humiliation of when she was mistreating you also brings you closer to her in a toxic way.

Then that cycle keeps continuing and compounding.

I also see the exact same scenario playing out when the genders are reversed.

Puzzleheaded_Aside_3 · 2023-07-05T22:55:38+00:00

Finally someone that acknowledges this.

Most people will disagree tho

NittyGrittyDiscutant · 2023-07-06T00:18:38+00:00

if u know what u r dealing with and how to deal with it such people can be real fun

adventures, unexpected plot twists

unfortunately they can add a lot to ur plate when life isn't going ur way

KentuckyCriedFlickin · 2023-07-06T00:24:16+00:00

I will also add at these types of women are high energy and they are also very spontaneous. This makes the women all the more exciting to be around, bedroom or not.

Excellent_Badger123 · 2023-07-06T06:29:26+00:00

Yeah, my daughter has BPD and has endless men prowling after her. She has given at least one of them PTSD from repeatedly putting him in absolutely awful situations. I don’t know about hyper sexual but she’s always with a boyfriend, not single much in her adult life. It doesn’t help that she’s extremely attractive, very charming and socially skilled. It just draws a constant supply of potential men that seem willing to risk just about anything to get next to her. My greatest wish is that she gets better with age.

Sad_Top1743 · 2023-07-05T23:06:52+00:00

Nah BPD women are typically physically hotter than average. Idk why, perhaps higher caloric expenditures due to the stress

jtinian · 2023-07-06T00:12:25+00:00

It just boils down to mental illness. They're the easiest people to take advantage of. You could say the same of women with low self-esteem, women who are depressed, etc. It's sickening, but it is the truth.

angelicasinensis · 2023-07-06T02:50:31+00:00

Nah, I’m kinda my own brand of intense, not really hyper sexual at all. No problem with dating/marriage 😉

EverVigilant1 · 2023-07-05T22:57:03+00:00

The idea that BPD women (borderlines) are hypersexual is kind of a ruse. BPD women aren't really hypersexual. They're fronting. Their sexuality is purely performative. They're putting on a show. They use sex to rope men in.

They're not having sex because they want to have sex or they're horny or they're attracted. BPDs have sex because it's a tool to them. They use it to extract things they want from men. THey use it as an incentive, as a weapon, or as a shield.

Borderlines aren't horny or enjoying sex. Borderlines use sex as a tool. Nothing less, nothing more.

AdOpen432 · 2023-07-06T00:06:40+00:00

Men love the idea of fixing a woman in a way idk why they just love it. A lot of bpd women are also pretty out there and experiment with alternative styles and appearances wich men like and men generally like "she's not like other girls" women and bpd women fulfill this because of how messed up they are that they can't act normal or like mentally stable people and also the fact bpd people have "favourite people" and men want to be the world to some hot crazy girl because it's obviously pretty appealing.

karmakiller3001 · 2023-07-06T05:36:59+00:00

95% of the opinions in this sub are from people who have little to no experience dating above their paygrade at a significant level. It's dreg logic for other dregs. None of this is factual or even remotely close to being true. Especially if you have dated successfully long enough. OP how much hands on experience did you have before you came to this conclusion? I already know...

Always a popcorn eating time here though.

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TSquaredRecovers · 2023-07-06T04:32:06+00:00

I agree with your assessment of some men liking the proverbial “hot, crazy” woman due to her insatiable sex drive. However, I adamantly disagree with the notion that most women like narcissistic men. Many of us are turned off dudes who act like alpha males or whatever.

SunGod721 · 2023-07-06T04:50:10+00:00

My ex has BPD. Good good times.

Odd-Luck7658 · 2023-07-06T10:31:07+00:00

There are very sexual women without BPD or narcissism. As usual, a red pill poster takes one woman and generalizes to all women.

itsokiloveu · 2023-07-06T12:32:17+00:00

First of all, BPD and Narcissistic Personality Disorder are NOT the same whatsoever. They exist under the same cluster of “personality disorders” but have different criteria.

I was diagnosed borderline last year, and actually the reason men are attracted to us is because we can mould ourselves to anyone else’s likes/dislikes/traits/hobbies and interests.

People like to be listened to and feel like they’re understood. As someone with BPD, I’ve also gone through major depressive episodes where I haven’t wanted sex at all. I was abstinent for 7 months after my grandmother died, for example. It’s untrue that all of us constantly want sex at all times… that’s only the case during a euphoric state

IAbstainFromSociety · 2023-07-06T01:50:00+00:00

My dad dated a woman with BPD. The way that relationship went, it seemed like my dad saw "hypersexuality" in one of his textbooks (he's a counselor) and chose the most implicitly coercive situation to ask her out.

She ended up confiding to me that he pressured her into sex a lot and verbally abused her. I think he was expecting her to always want sex and when she didn't live up to the stereotype, he forced it. I wish I could have helped her, but I was a fucking disaster back then (and 16).

Peacesquad · 2023-07-05T23:27:49+00:00

Women don’t know anything about men I swear lol

Ciabatta_Scoober · 2023-07-05T23:39:05+00:00

Actual sexuality isn’t what matters, and I’m not sure there’s actually a difference.

Men are taught to only approach women who give social cues of attraction. Most women won’t do this until after the man flirts with her first, since their attraction for most men is “responsive”.

Men are more likely to approach women with bipolar traits since those women are more likely to give these cues of attraction with less overt flirting required on his part.

c0pkill3r · 2023-07-06T01:15:28+00:00

I think men love narcissistic women for the same reason women love narcissistic men. They are submissive. They want to attach themselves to someone they believe is more powerful than them. It's pretty much the very foundation of the redpill.

I think I might be the type of woman you mean when you say hypersexual. But I'd never choose the word hypersexual to describe myself. I'm sex positive. Because I use fantasies, journaling, and experimentation to explore and understand my relationships, experiences, and the world around me. The way you describe that woman is just that she's hot & sexy but with no personality. Like a sex worker. Kind of empty. My sexual tastes are deeply personal & provocative, tailored to the individual's quirks and eccentricities, and touch on socially impactful spheres of thought, ideologies, fields of research, politics, psychology, and philosophy. I'm omnisexual, demisexual, non binary, transmasc, non monogamous/polyamorous, aromantic, anti amatonormative, anti anthropocentric, a teratophile, deeply empathic, autistic, and a switch with alter egos.

MotleyCrew1989 · 2023-07-06T03:40:14+00:00

I got to agree, I slept with one a few times, and that woman did things that I would have never expected without asking in a LTR, she swallowed on the first date and offered me anal on the second (Im still beating myself for not having lube then, but who could expect anal on a second date).

But my God, she was a trainwreak, I didnt dodge a bullet, I dodged artillery fire.

HungerISanEmotion · 2023-07-06T09:28:23+00:00

Disagree.

Narcissistic and BDP women have two personalities, the persona they are acting, and their true persona.

Men are attracted to the persona they are acting, because said persona is charming by design. I don't think anyone is attracted to their real persona because it is ugly as fuck.

The real pain in the narcissistic/BDP relationship is the realization that person we fell in love with doesn't really exist, it was just an act played by a horrible person.

Former_Molasses_7073 · 2023-07-05T22:54:27+00:00

I wouldn't label men gravitating toward women who are putting out as "attraction."

harmonica2 · 2023-07-06T00:33:16+00:00

This seems to be consistent with my experiences because some of the women who were the best for me in bed were quite narcissistic

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-07-06T10:47:38+00:00

I believe that can be part of it, but it’s not the whole story. Men can fall for the lovebombing and get hooked on the emotional rollercoaster and validation/rejection cycle too. Men and women are different but human psychology is human psychology. It’s a certain type of person who keeps ending up with narcissistic or BPD people over and over, usually low self-esteem plays a role. I’ve heard men talk about their “crazy” ex and the sex not even being very good and her not being that hot, but they stayed way too long or went back. She just has to be hot enough to get their attention in the first place.

MyUpSeemsDown · 2023-07-06T00:18:13+00:00

Nehh, those women the purpose is pretty clearly pump and dump, no men will take them seriously in a relationship.

neverendingplush · 2023-07-06T07:36:00+00:00

Hmmm my ex was pretty cool at first when I met her, but man........ the sex doesn't mean shit when they are driving you insane.

Enjoyer18263 · 2023-07-06T11:05:31+00:00

"if she is fucked in the head, she can fuck in the bed"

Green-Quantity1032 · 2023-07-06T12:03:19+00:00

I've.. known some pretty stable women who were pretty (read: very) kinky,

But yeah I guess you need to lead them into it more than the 'crazy' ones

applesaucerage · 2023-07-06T05:03:21+00:00

I think the difference is a lot of men aren't surprised when it doesn't work out or something crazy happened.

I've met tons of women that are totally surprised when the abusive cheating attractive nympho dude abuses her cheats on her and only uses her for sex.

BackAgain12345678910 · 2023-07-06T07:16:10+00:00

I just read the title. Correct. Beautiful AND hyper sexual.

Ok-Supermarket-6747 · 2023-07-06T08:28:41+00:00

What is a personality? I fail to see how mental afflictions would not also be a part of a personality

labellefille28 · 2023-07-06T10:08:53+00:00

I disagree. I don’t believe women are turned on by narcissistic men, but drawn and attracted to many of the qualities they possess - charm, charisma, confidence, perception of self assurance, and being the centre of someone’s world and adorned. I think men when sexually connected or aroused by a woman and react to the sexual chemistry, they actually cant see past that - whether she’s a narc or BP.

Woko127 · 2023-07-06T12:25:12+00:00

Nah I just think they have low self-esteem. I help a lot of dudes out with dating and the one constant is that the kinds of dudes that put up with that have a very hard time setting boundaries.

DeJuanBallard · 2023-07-06T12:29:51+00:00

Factual

Midaycarehere · 2023-07-06T16:07:18+00:00

OP as a woman with borderline I would appreciate it if you would not spread this kind of b.s. Do I have a high sex drive at age 46? Yes, higher than yours, I guarantee. But I’m also traditional, been with very few partners, never done a ONS, and I’m only a freak for the person I’m with. On the outside I’m sure I seem mundane. I work for a church… My marriage didn’t work out because my ex husband went into a deep depression due to things regarding my stepdaughter, and he couldn’t pull out of it. That happened in the first 3 years. I gave him a decade more to get help, he never did. I never cheated on him and dealt with a dead bedroom and was a great wife, even though he was checked out.

Borderline does not equal crazy, you dumb ass. It usually means you were not shown love as a child. Grow up.

Brandy96Ros · 2023-07-06T16:16:51+00:00

You can literally apply the same logic to narcissistic men. Women are attracted to confidence and good looks, which tend to increase narcissism. It's not the narcissism itself that we're attracted to. Good looking, confident men just tend to be more narcissistic.

Why do you think women would be attracted to narcissism? How does that make any sense? Why would we want to have a child with a man who only cares about himself?

beleidigtewurst · 2023-07-06T18:45:03+00:00

Men are attracted to good looking (healthy, young, fertile) women.

What is in her had, doesn't change her attractiveness.

It is a lie that men are somehow MORE attracted to crazier women.

DarmakJalad · 2023-07-06T19:50:31+00:00

Both men and women can get hooked by the pull-pull adrenaline rush and love bombing that can accompany being with a BPD type. It’s definitely more than just the sex.

FirmWerewolf1216 · 2023-07-07T03:28:23+00:00

What’s bpd?

resurrect_john_brown · 2023-07-07T06:16:35+00:00

Idk, that's probably part of it. I'm a woman with BPD (I'm a quiet BPD, which isn't an official appellation but we use it to mean a BPD who internalizes a lot of their emotional turmoil), and there are probably other factors, too. We tend to be very charismatic when we're "on," we get very passionate about things and can sweep other people up with us. And, even though it can get wicked unhealthy, no one will ever love you as totally and intensely as a BPD. Just don't try to leave us, lol!

BPD is also massively under-diagnosed in men because their main symptom tends to be anger, which isn't seen as necessarily abnormal for men. BPD results from childhood trauma, so if you're a man with a history of trauma and struggle with depression/anxiety/relationship and/or identity issues, it's worth considering whether it could be borderline.

If any BPDs are reading this, I just want to say that I had a LOT of difficulty accepting the diagnosis at first, but once I stopped being stubborn and educated myself I learned that it's not as bad as the stigma makes it seem. Ya, it definitely creates significant challenges, especially for relationships, but it's actually NOT a life sentence. We can and do get better with therapy, we aren't hopeless, we aren't all like Fatal Attraction, we can have good relationships. It just takes work.

Title	Men are attracted to narcissistic and BPD women because they are also hypersexual, not because of their personality.
Author	Former_Molasses_7073
Upvotes	204
Comments	191
Date	July 5, 2023 10:34 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/14rppoh/men_are_attracted_to_narcissistic_and_bpd_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-are-attracted-to-narcissistic-and-bpd-women.1224554 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224554

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