How do you know if a man who has sex with you is truly sexually attracted to you?

MakeMoneyNotWar · 2023-07-19T12:49:25+00:00

Does he want to hang out with you outside of the bedroom? If a guy is truly attracted, he would want to spend time with you doing other things, even if doesn’t result in sex at the end.

modidlee · 2023-07-19T14:15:17+00:00

It’s not 100% all the time, but when we’re actually attracted to you we’ll take you around our family and friends, and actually be excited to do it. And we’ll look for any excuse to take you out and do things in public. Basically we’ll want to “show you off.” He’ll want to be around you as much as possible.

hear4comments · 2023-07-19T15:28:58+00:00

Take Male Sexual attraction with a grain of salt. It doesn’t mean much.

Dstar538888 · 2023-07-19T16:34:11+00:00

And this is why I said that male attention is cheap and low value, they’ll say absolutely ANYTHING to get in your pants even if they don’t mean it all and this is why a lot of women feel like they have to be so guarded when it comes to sex… and I have seen men on here admit that they slept with women who were unattractive simply because they were available, they don’t like her at all and it seems like they’ll pretty much stick their dicks in any available hole no matter who or what it’s attached to 🌝 and yet they wonder why we have to be so picky when it comes to who we date or sleep with 🙃

philseven12 · 2023-07-19T13:53:51+00:00

It's difficult to be used for sex and then degraded after. The eyes closed thing is a big indicator. Them being reluctant to do things centered around pleasing you.

Little to no affection after sex is finished, friends with benefits can still have affection. Another sign is them not wanting to kiss you etc.

Before the bedroom stuff happens there are some visible signs like them being ashamed or refusing to be seen in public with you.

This is the darker side of male sexuality because we can fuck almost any woman if we need to get a nut off bad enough

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-07-19T15:37:06+00:00

My personal rule is no sex until clear romantic interest has been established, waiting for commitment or even marriage is also valid. Lack of passion is a tip off but can also be due to nerves, so it’s not always reliable. Watch for avoiding public dates and bringing you around his friends. He may want to wait to introduce you to his family, depending on what their relationship is like it can be a while, but friends you should be meeting pretty soon.

Zestyclose_Truth9999 · 2023-07-19T12:42:05+00:00

How do you know if a man who has sex with you is truly sexually attracted to you?

I vet him and his behaviour.

If he sleeps with anything that's got tits or a pussy, then I'm instantly unattracted because men with no standards could likely also be sexually attracted to a glazed doughnut if it scratches the right itch.

Let's say a guy just wants to hook up with you and be your FWB, how do you tell that he is really sexually attracted to you?

I wouldn't agree to be a guy's FWB.

Any woman that does needs to be realistic about what a FWB situation entails — that the two parties are horny and available, nothing more. For love and sentiment (and far more respect/trust), choose a relationship instead.

I have seen men telling objectively unattractive women that they were pretty, beautiful, and even stunning

Men are horny and will say just about anything to get a woman (of any appearance) into bed. Women need to consider these things before deciding if that's the sort of lifestyle they want.

Resurrected_Alliyou · 2023-07-19T13:26:03+00:00

Some women apply a vetting process to filter out the men who are only interested in sex and not s relationship. I'm not a women but you can probably just Google it. Also I see you are on the forever alone subreddit, I'm sorry you're going through that.

Scandi_Navy · 2023-07-19T13:34:37+00:00

Not possible. The way he kisses maybe but you have no reference. Hanging out in public where people know him. Meeting friends. What his ex looked like. Only sex positions where doesn't see your face is probably not positive.

I mean for a relationship I'd say meeting his parents.

livinginlyon · 2023-07-19T12:34:12+00:00

You don't actually know. But I'm sorry that happened to you and those men are disgusting. Human beings are for the most part trash. And the guy sent that text to you in purpose.

ambrosedc · 2023-07-19T16:04:13+00:00

Jesus christ, men really have no self respect at all

LaurenTsaisCatEye · 2023-07-19T15:59:47+00:00

Basically you’re describing my regular hookup. The key i supposed would be to assess what you want to get out of it. With my guy, I don’t want to date him and I don’t see that changing in the future, so if he’s not showing me off to all his friends I couldn’t care less. That’s not what I want out of this.

The eyes closed is a new one for me… nearly every man I’ve ever been with has started straight at my face. It scares the shit outta me. I almost always have my eyes closed because eye contact feels more intimate to me that the physical act of sex. I don’t look anyone in the eye when speaking to them on the street, so there’s no way in hell I can look a man in the eye when we’re going at it. I would love if dudes just…. Kept their freaking eyes shut

acromegaly_girl · 2023-07-19T16:30:48+00:00

If he eats your pussy or wants 69

womandatory · 2023-07-20T04:02:09+00:00

Men will have sex with women they hate, so this is hardly a stretch.

2023-07-19T12:47:19+00:00

i think it’s his movements afterwards like does he initiate contact w me call me of whatever check how I’m doing and making plans to wanna see me later of course. But more importantly it’s his conversation if it’s geared more to sex or anything sexual you can rule out yeah that’s what he wanted but if he wants to do dates and just spend time w you outside the bedroom that’s a major plus like yeah girl he’s checking all the boxes lol

nomore560 · 2023-07-19T16:04:18+00:00

Guys just want to boost their notch count and say to their homies:

“I smashed though”

Didn’t think about this perspective until I read your message. I have no constructive advice to give you. All I can say is I hope it doesn’t impact your self-esteem and that you may find a guy who likes you for you. However, it will be difficult provided what you said about your face is true.

Maybe improve in other areas?

grown_folks_talkin · 2023-07-19T17:32:30+00:00

If this man experienced a voluntary unmedicated hard-on there was sexual attraction in that moment.

People like to be in denial about who they can be attracted to sometimes, especially dudes, like with the person who called you were a monster that’s how I’d describe it.

Not to say that “warm and willing” is the only criteria for male attraction, even at age 23 or so. It can be more complicated than that psychologically.

People like to think they have all this criteria in these things but at a base level we really don’t, or they’re not what we think they are. Not just men, although I have more first and second-hand experience hearing about this from the male perspective.

ZealousidealAd7191 · 2023-07-19T13:34:00+00:00

…I mean I’ve looked twice at a headless mannequin.

SlowEffective8146 · 2023-07-19T13:12:02+00:00

Honestly I'm not sure. I will try to give my POV.

I definitely have had sex with women I was not attracted to. For me, it's more about the woman wanting me that gets me off. It's kind of narcissistic in a way. I later regret the deed but in the moment I am definitely there for fun.

This is why I think it's hard to determine because I do think a lot of men are like me and can actually get erect for a woman he is unattracted to.

bad_nerves · 2023-07-19T12:48:04+00:00

if they're having sex with you then they find you sexually attractive, they're just ashamed of acknowledging that they found you hot enough to bang. whether they find you attractive enough to claim publicly is anyone's guess.

thekinkyhairbookworm · 2023-07-19T14:18:51+00:00

Are dudes really that down bad to be having sex with people they aren’t attracted to? Y’all can’t be that desperate

96tillinfinity_ · 2023-07-19T14:30:03+00:00

There is no way to fully know. Some people are saying if he keeps coming back to you. Ignore that cause that means nothing for a lot of men

A lot of guys will keep women they find ugly on their roster simply just to have a pussy to nut in. They will be their last resort before choosing to jerk off

lowlifedougal · 2023-07-19T18:18:26+00:00

if u mean attraction in terms of fulfilling female sexual strategy, it when that man seeks to make your life easier for the short and long term and he takes tangible actions on both

DoinIt989 · 2023-07-19T13:07:53+00:00

If a guy wants to see you multiple times, he's sexually attracted to you. A lot of men unfortunately like to insult their friends, and insulting the women their friends sleep with is part of that.

modidlee · 2023-07-19T14:49:04+00:00

I’m laughing my ass off at how women in here that have never been a heterosexual man sleeping with women still will argue with what men say about this. Men will tell you we’re perfectly capable of getting an erection and having sex with a woman we’re not actually attracted to. But ladies still wanna debate it lmao

basedmama21 · 2023-07-19T13:38:34+00:00

There’s a level of “fiending” I like to call it. Like, they can hardly get through a full date in public. I had one ex who would pick me up as soon as we got home/parked the car and sprint into the house carrying me. Sh*t was crazy 😂 (Please note, you don’t have to be that extra especially in a marriage. My husband is way more chill about these things and I prefer it)

modsarebullies · 2023-07-19T13:48:25+00:00

because boobs make penises get hard. if he is aroused then he is sexually attracted to you. its not that difficult. men really are simple.

Tricky_Relief_7152 · 2023-07-19T15:42:39+00:00

Best way to tell if a man is sexually attracted to you:

He has sex with you.

"Pity sex" is an excuse men make for allowing their sexual attraction to unattractive women to override their self control. It's cope.

Now if you're talking about more than just sex, that's a whole different thing.

Johnny_Autism · 2023-07-19T19:39:29+00:00

men: "a woman smiled at me today, do you think she likes me?"

women: "he is fucking and cumming in me, but is he attracted?"

I fucking swear...

Individual-Trash-452 · 2023-07-19T13:05:06+00:00

Nah, I don't think you're that ugly. If you were truly hideous, no healthy men would ever want to have sex with you. In reality most men have pretty high standards (even the conventionally unattractive neurodivergent virgin ones). It's just an internet myth that they'd fuck anything resembling a woman.

For example, I have seen men telling objectively unattractive women that they were pretty, beautiful, and even stunning, and when these women were not within earshot, the same men would tell their friends that the women in question were ugly.

Men talk shit about women behind their backs all the time, it's not that serious. Have you never witnessed men calling objectively beautiful women mid or unattractive?

Silver_Switch_3109 · 2023-07-19T14:07:24+00:00

Did he have sex with you? If the answer is yes, them he is probably sexually attracted to you.

RedditAlt999 · 2023-07-19T14:53:57+00:00

You don't know. I'd suggest you work on becoming more attractive if that's your concern.

daylightxx · 2023-07-19T20:40:52+00:00

You can tell usually. Men treat you differently if they’re into you and want to hook up than when they’re not actually that into you. It’s fairly obvious. It’s only happened a couple times, but it’s just super obvious when a guy wants sex but not you.

ComfortableOk5003 · 2023-07-19T21:15:56+00:00

If they want to do more than just fuck you.

If they are cool being seen with you in public

BLKSKNHED · 2023-07-19T13:18:46+00:00

You're 54 and you haven't had a relationship before. get real.

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itiswhatitis1090 · 2023-07-19T14:02:55+00:00

They don't want to bang with the lights off is a good start.

AbsolutelyNobody0 · 2023-07-19T14:30:22+00:00

As far as I know, mind reading technology hasn't been invented yet.

I don't think wondering about this is very useful. I'm more curious about why you care to know if a man is genuinely sexually attracted to you. Does it make a difference to you somehow?

dishonouronmycow · 2023-07-19T14:56:49+00:00

Sadly there is no true way of knowing, but there are steps you can take to protect yourself and your heart. I’m a virgin at 26 and plan on waiting until I at least feel comfortable with a guy and we’ve spent a lot of time together both publicly and privately, if that means I’m single and a virgin forever it’s a better alternative than being heartbroken and immediately discarded. I’m sorry you’ve been treated this way

Avakaaya-karam · 2023-07-19T15:10:51+00:00

Literally nobody thinks that a man should have a modicum of attraction to have sex.

Men are horny. Simple as that. Take away the risks and women are just as horny if not more horny than men.

AFuzzyMuffin · 2023-07-19T15:17:21+00:00

So I looked up your disorder name, those women arnt ugly, they have stronger faces but I don’t see ugly is yours different in some way?

2023-07-19T15:21:57+00:00

men will have casual sex with individuals they are not truly attracted to.

Some men certainly will. Many men have said men and women approach sex differently, you seem to gave confirmed this.

Most people think that there must be a modicum of sexual attraction for a man to have sex, but that is not true at all.

This is physically true, but fortunately we're not animals; we can think about things and act differently than our bodies may wish to direct us. Unfortunately, this increasingly seems to be a lost art.

This is also true of women. A woman can physically have sex with any man (or no man, there are tools to assist with this.) However, most, if not all women can at least find some man they find decently attractive to have sex with. So they don't have to, and therefore they won't.

Let's say a guy just wants to hook up with you and be your FWB, how do you tell that he is really sexually attracted to you?

You can't. Just like men who are the targets for women (e.g. "the best way to get over a man is to get under one ") don't know, but it's likely because, as stated earlier, women can generally find a man attractive enough. Also, because the attractive guys get tonnes of female attention, so it's kind of a relief if they can have sex with a woman with no strings from the start.

It always felt like pity sex.

If it's any better, I really doubt it's pity. They just are horny and you're willing.

KirthWGersen · 2023-07-19T15:45:15+00:00

If he's having sex with you, he is sexually attracted.

If he is never seen with you in public, he either doesn't want a deeper relationship with you, thinks you are crazy or is seeing too many other women to bother. Or you are a side piece.

Feanoris2 · 2023-07-19T15:56:42+00:00

Be happy at least you can get dick. Don't be so ungrateful.

Most men cannot even get pussy without a lot of requirements or being born very lucky.

kvakerok · 2023-07-19T16:52:52+00:00

He doesn't kick you out after sex and makes you breakfast in the morning. It's never what they say, it's what they do.

Ok-Supermarket-6747 · 2023-07-19T17:04:56+00:00

I have a feeling opinions are gonna vary a lot on this. I apologize in advance if any of this seems harsh but I tend to like this sub for its ability to be honest without too many nicities.

It sounds like the type of sexual attraction you are describing is just more intense. If you have a great body and an ugly face, men are still sexually attracted to you. The nature of it sounds like they are objectifying you but it still counts as sexual attraction. If it makes you feel any better, when men look at other women and say 'she has a great ass and a sexy face and blah blah blah' they are still objectifying that other woman too, at least in that moment. So really, other women are just being objectified to a further extent. When they call you pretty, if you know you're not, it is to help themselves feel that further extent of attraction and get more out of the experience. If you know you have deformities, you would have to look for someone attracted to it to escape the lies. There are millions of people in the world and some have alternative preferences. Even if it seems unconventional, there are people that like non-standard things. I don't know of any sites that exist and this isn't a dating sub but I could imagine a butterface.com or something working for persons below 5/10 on facial symmetry. Especially people with above average bodies could do well, "I might be a butterface but I got rockin' abs!" etc etc. It's kinda a very 'redpill' thing if you think about the matrix reference. Take the blue pill and people call you hot with their eyes closed. Take the red pill and see how far the alternatives really go

Ok-Supermarket-6747 · 2023-07-19T17:24:40+00:00

If you're being described as a monster I'd say find your target audience: people with monster fetishes. Time to get LARPing!

rogueman999 · 2023-07-19T17:24:49+00:00

It's actually more complicated that it seems, as you yourself noted.

Relevant to your situation it might be that there is such a thing as politeness sex, which I've actually done before. Sex for men can be pretty casual, and sometimes it's easier/nicer to just follow the script and end up in the bedroom than to find ways to exit. I'd firmly put this in a different category than pity sex, which I don't think I did.

Also we will lower our standards for casual sex, sometimes significantly. This covers two scenarios: 1. just fulfills a physical need, and 2. I like her enough for sex, but not enough for a relationship.

My suggestion for you is to try and be more aware of nuances. Your own view is colored by the fact that you are unattractive, so you expect a certain reaction from men. And you most likely actually got that reaction often enough. But you're also biased to interpret any negative reaction as being in the same category, which is probably not true and not fair to quite a few men.

Doesn't help at all that media and society create unrealistic expectations. You may think that you don't have that high expectations, but it's not just that. It's that we don't really have examples of how a "good enough" relationship even looks like. We see disney-perfect, and failures. Disney perfect is not for you, but there may be quite the range that could be available, and may be worth striving for.

Kero_9 · 2023-07-19T19:32:08+00:00

To me is i pay attention to what she likes and what she hates , I remember a lot of things about her , i try to understand her i kiss her patiently with passion and love and I’ll be happy to introduce her to my family if we are going for LTR, although I don’t like going out and planning dates all the times because I’m introvert

Also I’m sorry you experienced this , no one should be treated that way

abaxeron · 2023-07-19T22:25:07+00:00

He asks for more as he falls asleep after third orgasm, and then asks for more as soon as he wakes up.

If he wants more while sober and in the state of post-nut clarity, it's a pretty solid indicator.

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-07-19T22:31:30+00:00

[permanently deleted]

VoltairesBarista · 2023-07-20T00:48:12+00:00

I won’t have sex with women I’m not attracted to so it’s rather easy to tell

sexual_powerhouse · 2023-07-20T03:00:02+00:00

I personally can't stay hard if I don't find her sexually attractive. If you have a nice body, then sometimes your face doesn't matter too much when it comes to sexual attraction. Your face tends to matter a bit when it comes to being girlfriend material, but some men may not care if they like your personality enough.

Emuman7 · 2023-07-20T04:13:12+00:00

If I’m truly attracted to a woman, I’ll make an effort to spend time with her outside the bedroom. If I’m just really horny and am not really attracted to a woman, I would only contact her for casual sex and nothing more

YearnsToDestroySun · 2023-07-20T06:31:47+00:00

God, that's terrible.

To be honest, you might not be able to is maybe the true red pill.

I feel like I'm the only handsome dude that doesn't go around doing bizarre sexual shit.

I feel like I don't understand men either now. who would like having sex with their eyes closed?

I'm going to say it, but even women do get male sex dolls as well. I think it's healthier than to engage in encounters like you describe. Women like sex stories, so you can imagine better stories in your head too I imagine and act it out with the doll or whatever.

Expensive but worth it. ;)

Ag116797 · 2023-07-20T06:57:03+00:00

Sexual attraction is by far mostly based off looks. Some other things might play a very slight role but looks are far and away number 1 when it comes down to sex. And yes, op men will sleep with women they are not attracted too. In order to bust a nut women don't have this issue since they can sleep with men way out of their league. Post nut clarity is a very real thing.

itm4l2000 · 2023-07-20T09:01:22+00:00

Mindfulness and being present with a woman before, during and after sex. As RP man a woman has to pay an absolute premium if she wants this. Daily affirmations won't do, get out and do some work...too many low self esteem women with an entitlement attitude.

This-Adhesiveness-52 · 2023-07-21T01:44:04+00:00

If he easily gets a hard boner when you get naked and he can penetrate you long time without easily losing the hard boner. The women i did not find attractive enough i had to sleep with turning the lights down and thinking about some hot pornbabes to help me orgasm. It’s hard to turn women down when they want to sleep with you. The fatter and uglier women make it easy to sleep with them and the hot women make you work for it to much. It’s never a win win. 🤪😅😂

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2023-07-21T16:50:31+00:00

For some men, sex is as rare as running water in the desert. In the middle of the Sahara, a bottle of tap from Flint, MI will do the job.

Friendly_Arm_3877 · 2023-07-22T17:56:24+00:00

I fell on the kitchen floor laughing and rolling over when I read "I have fucked a monster". That was too funny(thankfully nobody else was at home). I'm not saying this to be mean.

Title	How do you know if a man who has sex with you is truly sexually attracted to you?
Author	acromegaly_girl
Upvotes	101
Comments	322
Date	July 19, 2023 12:29 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/153tost/how_do_you_know_if_a_man_who_has_sex_with_you_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-do-you-know-if-a-man-who-has-sex-with-you-is.1225795 https://theredarchive.com/post/1225795

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