How do you avoid desperation and despair as you get older?

MikeArrow · 2024-02-04T03:48:46+00:00

https://i.imgur.com/8Vy8tp3.png

thedeadpill · 2024-02-04T07:30:28+00:00

I'll give you the perspective from a tremendously damaged 40-something.

First up, the apps suck. Women, for whatever reason, are just worse on the apps. They think they're owed better, or they're less attractive or both. I -- personally -- know single women who are decent catches, but act like absolute shitheads on the apps, and they suffer for it. The app companies are there to make money, and their user experience is going to reflect that. You're not wrong that the response rate and quality is in decline. Apps are not good, IME.

Second, you should strongly think about your standards (I know you said you didn't want to compromise, but, this is something you might have to do if you need a family). Wanting a humble/interesting/cute woman is fine... but, at some point you have to be realistic. You're in your 30s. My ex-wife and I were together in our early 20s. The people in their 30s that you're going to meet are going to have some filter criteria: They didn't settle down, and that could mean they don't want to, they aren't prone to, or they are just kind of avoidant. Damage is unavoidable: everyone is fucked up.

Okay, so, let's say you want to settle for nothing. The 'shit drunken fuck' actually isn't so bad. It gets boring after a while, but, you don't have to do it all the time. The second part is that you can just... live your life. I might be biased because I've already 'won' in terms of procreating, or having a deep and meaningful relationship with someone, but... there's more to life than a partner. What's your passion? Is there something you want to do where you don't care if you get paid?

Dertross · 2024-02-04T04:23:08+00:00

Bro you need to realize it's over for you; the kind of women you want is in such high demand to the point it's a red flag if she -isn't- already married by your age.

You'll either have to lower your standards or die alone. Or maybe rely on luck if you don't see divorce as too much of a red flag.

MistyMaisel · 2024-02-04T04:11:55+00:00

Unironically, the cure for despair/desperation in this case is:

You let go of waiting for the picture in your head to be your life and telling yourself that you won't be fulfilled, joyful, at peace, etc. until you're living in that picture in your head.

Instead, you live in the world which is actually around you, enjoy that, seek opportunities in that, and do all the things you wanna do in that.

In terms of what to do to increase your chances of getting to live in that picture in your head, keep doing the hobbies, volunteerism, etc. It's not like a task you can complete or fully explore if that makes sense. You're waiting for timing to work out.

Also, as much as you won't wanna hear it, reconsider your standards and also reconsider how quickly someone has to meet those standards to be worth dating and committing to. If you're planning to spend life together, they have a pretty long time to grow with you and for you two to learn how to best compliment each other and vibe. Enjoy the journey of getting there together a little more.

In part, realize the girl next door thing you mention is...an incomplete or immature girl thing. You're 30, the reason she's hard to find is that people grow up from being her pretty inevitably. That's what life and experience do. They grow up boys and girls next door into being complicated beings who no longer fit that simple caricature.

_izual · 2024-02-04T03:53:02+00:00

You have to consider the possibility that you may never find someone. Like really, fully accept this as a fact. Look at how the world is right now. Economy is dog shit. We are on the brink of WW3. Possibly another pandemic around the corner. 1% of the rich own 99% of the world.

You need to think about what you want in this life. Like REALLY think about, if you died tomorrow, what would you regret that you did not do.

There was techniques that I have used over the years to remind myself, REALLY remind myself that finding someone is not for me. And it may never be for me. And you need to accept this.

You need to let go. Focus on yourself. Do things that make YOU happy that doesn’t have to do with finding a girl or being in a relationship.

This is the harsh reality of it.

The other option is strive to become insanely rich and women will probably come to you everyday. Exercise 5-6 days a week. Eat extremely healthy. Meditate. Learn new skills like cooking, instruments. Even HELP people who are less fortunate. Make a difference in someone’s life for the better. Help animals, they are the innocence of this world.

The last one is something that keeps me going. What if some day I could help 1 million people’s life for the better? Give them an opportunity that they wouldn’t have otherwise.

Be the change you want to see in the world. Everything else will follow.

Complete_Astronaut41 · 2024-02-05T02:58:27+00:00

As a guy in his mid 30s I used to think I would meet a girl that I liked and actually liked me back. That dream is gone and it’s honestly nice to accept I’ll be alone forever.

Life is easier once you know where you stand.

operajunkie · 2024-02-04T04:19:15+00:00

I realize this is taboo for a lot of men but therapy helped me a lot to avoid falling into bitter thought patterns when things didn’t go my way repeatedly. It doesn’t solve anything. Take the lesson, leave the pain.

EricSec · 2024-02-04T03:47:12+00:00

To avoid bitterness and desperation, I would try to have at least one social activity planned on a weeknight, per week.

One of my favorite things was playing volleyball. It was coed, and most people were playing just to have fun. Then I started getting invited to pickup games as I got better, and met more people.

This definitely isn't a replacement for a girlfriend, but it is social interaction. Also, I did meet one of my girlfriends by playing volleyball.

jacked_degenerate · 2024-02-04T05:48:32+00:00

Plastic surgery to improve your looks? Fuck it right? I am not sure that you are physically unattractive, but that might be a possible solution. Otherwise, improve your value in other ways. It's clear that you are unable to meet the requirements of women you desire based on your lack of results. So the solution is obvious, raise your value in the number of ways that are available to you. Leaning into despair does literally nothing, fight that at all costs. Take medication if necessary. Do not be afraid of making drastic changes to get the results you want.

Hell, become a passport bro. Why not?

Excellent_Badger123 · 2024-02-04T05:52:46+00:00

I’m a 60 year old woman. I’ve had long relationships in my life that ultimately rendered me sexless and very alone within them. Personally, I learned to meditate & I’ve been doing that for a very long time. Equanimity has been my saving grace.

Expensive-Tea455 · 2024-02-04T17:47:49+00:00

If no one is buying the product you’re attempting to sell, then it’s not a good product 🤷🏽‍♀️

AdEffective7894s · 2024-02-04T03:52:45+00:00

Give into it. Once it become your normal state things will not seem any different. Colours will lose saturation and food begins to taste bland though. You will be more likely to smoke abd drink and be unable to quit either.

Frankly what are you trying to keep yourself healthy for? 30 more years of dispair wondering what you are doing wrong what have you done to make yourself unworthy? Why the fuck would you want to live like that?

But hey man you do you.

Edit : I realise I have provided no answers but I doubt the women posters here have any experience dealing with this kind of hopelessness.

I don't think they gave advice worth listening to.

Prove me wrong

Yes I am leaning into misogyny No I don't care that women won't want me because of it.

TheRedPillRipper · 2024-02-04T04:12:30+00:00

How do you stave off bitterness and desperation ?

First Gratitude. Then Altruism. First thing I do when I wake up is pray, and give thanks. Sometimes it’s a quick 2 minute job. Some days I have some things that are really deep, that I’m really grateful for.

Next I’m always trying to help. I’ve been given a lot of blessings. So I try to do good in the world. Everything after waking healthy, happy and whole? Is a bonus.

Godspeed and good luck!

SoRoodSoNasty · 2024-02-04T04:53:57+00:00

I don’t know how good women last on these apps. I don’t think you understand how much muck women have to wade through. I had a few friends on these apps, they were inundated with dirty messages, most men wanted to hook up, most of them gave up. The ones that got married, met organically.

AreOut · 2024-02-04T10:19:08+00:00

There is no other way but to improve. Look at your life as an RPG game and try playing it the best you can.

Intelligent-Cry-7884 · 2024-02-04T12:20:10+00:00

Your standards for girl next door and your smv according to you is overinflated, humble yourself.

nytnaltx · 2024-02-04T18:54:18+00:00

I definitely relate to those feelings, although from a woman’s perspective. Around 2020 when I first tried online dating seriously, things seemed different and more promising, but perhaps it’s gotten to the point where too many people have become jaded to dating apps or simply been burned too badly by people on them, now that they’ve been mainstream for several years.

I cope by getting a lot of fulfillment from my line of work and investing in my close friendships. That’s basically where I put all my energy. Occasionally I still go on dates but I’m not pursuing a relationship in a focused way, more like if it happens it happens.

Which apps have you tried? I’ve found better people through an app called coffee meets bagel, as opposed to the crowd on bumble. More genuine people and less boring/low effort profiles.

CountMandrake · 2024-02-04T08:01:48+00:00

Hahahaha.

Despair? Because you haven't met your princess?

Body, I've met almost a 100.

If you want a lady you better start saving for that time machine... If this dude Elon comes up with one that's it.

That, or you just QUIT living in your fucking fairy tale, grab your fucking balls or grow a pair if you don't have ones yet, and throw all that garbage conditioning you were subjected to as a child and reject all that stupid shit about everlasting love and finding tour soulmate and all that bullshit of romanricism, and start living in the MODERN world, on your own terms, as a MAN.

Love is dead. Romanticism is dead. Idealism is dead. Marriage is going the way of the dodo bird.

Hell I think when Nietzsche said God was dead, he was referring to this crap.

Not that I think God is dead. I'm a believer you know.

But things are messed up these days. Sorry to break it to you mate, these are the times you live in.

I love that line of The Lords of the Rings when Frodo is bitching about being born in hard times, and Gandalf tells him

"So do I, and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."

Gandalf is the Chad I swear.

Simple shit. Stop complaining and start living.

There are men out there who have it worst than you, and still find the strenght and courage to jump from bed every morning.

There are men who are homeless out there and have nobody. They are grateful that they still walk.

There are men who can't walk but they see, and they are thankfull for being capable of seeing and hearing.

There are men out there dying in useless, fruitless, nonsensical wars, who have seen their families dying and all their posesions and belongings stripped away from them. They are still fighting.

And you're feeling desperation and despair because you get only ran through whores and ugly single moms on Tinder?

Mate you're whinning too much. Stop being so soft.

mlo9109 · 2024-02-04T10:58:18+00:00

Sub yoga for golf and you're the male version of me. I'm the 30 something girl next door. Men don't seem to want that, I guess.

Character-Current-57 · 2024-02-04T04:50:35+00:00

Go to the gym. Don't help women. Get upfront with what you want. Women today are ruined for the most part. They think their value is higher than it is. Let them get ran through crapped on my men that are out their league. Do not help feed, take care of any child by another man. Be ok being alone. Let them fall on their leave them starving in the street. Vote to defund any government program that feeds them. Find hobbies you enjoy and focus on them. You will be fine.

ASTRO-MAGIC · 2024-02-04T03:58:06+00:00

I'm around your same age and can understand how you feel. Although on my end, I haven't reached a place (in my personal opinion) emotionally or financially where I could have a relationship I truly want. I would say all of my past relationships failed due in part to ignoring these inadequacies, and that's where I feel despair. So I'm putting a large amount of my waking energy into fixing this.

I'm trying harder these days to be a part of my surrounding community through my work and through my hobbies. Outside of my regular job, I sometimes offer my services for free to small local businesses or other artists. I've begun to make really good connections and this has helped me not feel as desperate or downtrodden by not having a relationship.

I'm finding a purpose of my own design. This may not be the solution for you, but I think it would help fill the void you're feeling. None of this is easy and it goes against the transactional way we're taught to live. But I think this path can bring you into proximity with people you can make real connections with, be they romantic or platonic.

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daddysgotanew · 2024-02-04T15:15:02+00:00

I hate to tell you this but if your dating profiles are a ghost town, no one is hitting you up in DM’s and no one is approaching you in public, you’re not THAT good looking. It’s ok, I’m not either. I’m a 7 on a good day. But to win in the modern world, you need to be a solid 9 before you’re going to get any type of consistency with women.

Women just don’t like most men, and it shows in the culture. Women are perfectly fine being alone for the time being if they can’t find their perfect dream man, and men need to learn to be this way as well. It’s only going to get worse, not better. We are in a global sexual marketplace now, and the men at the top are in a “winner takes all” position.

HumpsyDumpsy · 2024-02-04T19:59:32+00:00

You can't. Those emotions are just as valid as any other emotion like happy, sad, grief etc. The point of life Is to embrace your emotions regardless of how scary it is to face them. Feeling is the best way to healing

Over_North8884 · 2024-02-04T20:17:12+00:00

Say it from the rooftops: BECOME A PASSPORT BRO. I literally, right now, have a beautiful, feminine, sweet, slender, appreciative Vietnamese woman sleeping next to me who fucked me three times yesterday, and twice she initiated. And no I'm NOT paying her. I'm about to wake her up for sex again.

I felt like you from my divorce in 2013 until travelling to Vietnam in 2017. Western women are a lost cause, feminism destroyed the dating market. There's vastly superior alternatives to Western women's encyclopedic lists of petty and contradictory deal-breakers, guilt tripping age gap relationships, obesity, premature aging, calling any reasonable situation to meet women "creepy", masculine boss-babe bullshit, and false rape accusations.

Tune in, drop out, and let the militant Western feminists implode on their rage and pugnacity while enjoying sweet, thin, feminine, beautiful Asian women.

Secret_Sorbet_9674 · 2024-02-04T03:43:02+00:00

So much of what people ask about on this sub boil down to How do I feel Y instead of X, despite having perfectly logical and rational reasons for feeling X? The answer is, you don't, at least not without great difficulty: you basically will have to wilfully delude yourself, the way fundies or other ideologues do.

lacuti3 · 2024-02-04T05:30:41+00:00

Prey on single moms and fat women. Convince yourself theyre really attractive.

sublimemongrel · 2024-02-04T03:53:24+00:00

If you’re unhappy with the apps you need to get back into the social/activity/hobby or bar scene. Sorry, I know you’ve said you’ve tried but idk what advice you’re honestly looking for. If the woman you want aren’t on apps they are on these scenes or they are g interest in dating or meeting men or they just don’t like you so you should keep trying until some do 🤷‍♀️

GlobeUnited · 2024-02-04T03:43:07+00:00

You're still pretty young in the whole scheme of things. It sounds like you're doing well in other areas of life, double down there, and keep your eyes open. Maybe travel?

Citadelnib · 2024-02-04T04:03:52+00:00

I feel you. I don’t know what to do personally. I’m 36 and I wanted to have a wife and child by now. Without that my life is just weed naps. It’s pretty much over.

Legitimate_Type_1324 · 2024-02-04T05:47:30+00:00

Time to get that passport.

Puzzleheaded_Card_71 · 2024-02-04T06:28:43+00:00

30-35 gets you into your prime, your best years are still ahead of you thought the issue will always be how few quality women exist especially online.

Just realize that if you do meet someone decent that will be great, but life is great even if you just stay solo and occasionally date. Don’t lower your standards it’s truly better to be alone than wish you were.

TRTGymBro · 2024-02-04T14:05:42+00:00

Well, I have good news for you and bad news for you. The good news is you don't have to do anything to avoid getting desperate in old age. And the bad news is.......well, you don't have to do anything to avoid desperation because you are ALREADY desperate and that's why you are not finding anyone.

The only way to avoid desperation is to find out for yourself that being loved is not a requirement for happiness and fulfillment. In other words, you do not need women in order to fully experience joy and contentment in your life and overcome the fear of being alone.

The reality is very few men can fully embrace that idea because they believe if they gave up their need for love, then finding someone would become an impossibility. But I pose this question to you:

You've been making women and dating so important and all encompassing in your life so far. Has that landed you the woman of your dreams?

By the sound of your post, the answer is NO. So here is an exercise for you. Sit down with a sheet of paper and write down in two columns:

A. What are the advantages of needing love to be happy and B. What are the disadvantages of needing love to be happy.

Now note, I'm not asking you to list the disadvantages of love or a loving relationship. There aren't any. I am asking you to list the advantages and disadvantages of believing you NEED love in order to be happy.

Let me give you a couple of examples to get you started:

Advantages of needing love: 1. I would be motivated to look for dates. 2. I will make my partner the most important thing in my life and she will recognize this and return the love.

Disadvantages to needing love:

I will come across as needy and it will turn women off. 2. I will be so desperate that I will be easy to manipulate and be taken advantage of

Now you. Write down your advantages and disadvantages. When you are done, look through the list and decide which side carries more weight for you. If you believe there are more advantages to being needy, then by all means keep believing it. But if you decide that the disadvantages of neediness are clear and that it's the thing that has been stopping you from finding dates and love, then consider giving up this silly belief.

But changing your mind will take a bit more work. You need to gather irrefutable evidence that happiness and fulfillment is possible without a partner. Schedule activities that you may not usually schedule unless you were to do them with a girlfriend. Like going to the park by yourself. Going to a fancy restaurant alone. Going to the museum, etc. for the next three weeks schedule all your free time with activities that you have to do alone. Don't give yourself any time to sit around and wallow in self pity and feel bad about yourself. Every hour should be accounted for and filled with an activity. To go even further, try to predict if a certain activity will be enjoyable or not and what % of it would be enjoyable. And once you do the activity, write down whether your prediction was true or not.

Now for this to actually work, you need to let go of any preconceived notions that it is terrible to be alone. Go and do things and have an attitude of openness to new experiences. Go and do nice things for yourself too. For example, you have never gone to get a full body massage or a pedicure. Well go and get those things. Go to a department store and buy a couple of snazzy outfits that you usually wouldn't spend money on because they are too fancy. Go and get dinner for one at the fanciest restaurant in your city.

You may be surprised at the end of this experiment that you are fully capable of enjoying life when alone. And that some of the happiest moments on your life have been when you were either alone or didn't have a romantic partner. Once you truly buy into this new idea and you no longer need women, I can guarantee you that women will start being way more interested in you. It works like magic because it relies on the following universal law:

People NEVER want what they CAN get and ONLY want what they CAN'T get.

Well a guy who makes dating and women super important and is so needy to get one is someone who a woman can easily get. And therefore of no interest to her. But a guy who is enjoying his life to the fullest and not waiting around for a woman to be dependent on is someone she can't get. And that makes him way more exciting.

DumbWordsmith · 2024-02-04T04:11:11+00:00

I felt desperate when I was young. Once I got experience, relationships began feeling like too much work for me.

I'm not bitter because there's nothing to be bitter about. Most relationships are not something I envy, and I'm not a romantic anymore.

Frosty-Plant1987 · 2024-02-05T07:00:43+00:00

Lower your standards

thetruthishere_ · 2024-02-04T04:17:43+00:00

Have a life.

Unhappy-Yak-8648 · 2024-02-04T03:46:58+00:00

You can avoid desperation.. you get used to it so any actions pertaining to that desperation are much better controlled and even suppressed. Despair however is just something you learn to live with.

SeveralAcorns · 2024-02-05T10:49:32+00:00

desperation and bitterness, yet those are the natural consequences of ongoing frustration and disappointment in the dating world - not only difficulties meeting people but getting mislead, ghosted, bread crumbed, stood up, let down and fucked around, it takes its toll

I don't think you realize that YOU are the common factor in all those experiences and it's not a natural consequence, unless you are especially fragile, low resilience, low self-esteem. Not having had a romantic relationship at 30 yo is NOT normal. You are the reason for the experiences you have, because other people do not have them to this degree and to this result (no relationship until 30).

I don't know what your standards are, but you do not have a realistic look at yourself. YOu might be good looking, kind at heart and intelligent, but those men are not single until they are 30, greatly struggling in meeting women, being stood up, etc. This happens to you because there is something flawed with you and you don't see it.

Dating apps have completely stopped bearing fruit,

Then you can't, CAN'T be good looking. Take that as a hint.

Why would the app be designed to be deleted? What type of fucking business model is that? What fools do they take us for?

Take that as a hint that you are not as intelligent as you think you are. There is a neverending stream of people who look for partners, so offering a workign service that gets people partners relatively quickly and has great word of mouth marketing is better than having a sercive that doesn't work and just keep around a few desperate and stupid souls who pay for years without getting the results they want. Relationships end all the time and people go back to online dating, because it works. Of course the apps also want to make the most money they can, so they incentivise memberships but they do not provide what people THINK they should provide. Again, you are the one not as intelligent as you think, if you actually believe a membership on a dating app will make women find you more desirable than you are. Women i speak to say, that when they hear that a man has a paid membership, they think he must be low value, because high value men don't need paid memberships. Which is fucking correct.

Your descriptions come down to: i don't want to do the things that other people do to find partners and i invent reasons for why i can't or shouldn't do those. And you also don't want to change anything about your situation, even as desperation comes into your life.

How about: Change your work place to somewhere with women who are attractive and available?

How about oyu change your friends to people who bring new women into your life?

How about you change your personality to someone who doesn't get stood up on dates, isn't breadcrumped, played around with, etc. Again, YOUR personality leads to your results. Other men do not have these issues at all. it's in your power to change from who you are now to someone who does find girlfriends easily. Especially if you are intelligent, kind hearted and good looking. Those men are the top 15% that women no crazy over and want to lock down asap.

wtknight · 2024-02-04T03:50:48+00:00

If a man doesn't like women, then he should find something else to like.

mr8p6h · 2024-02-04T03:55:36+00:00

Are we allowed to use this as an advice sub? It's not against the rules it just seems like this would be better suited to one of the many advice subs.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2024-02-04T04:08:56+00:00

I don't get it, you always wanted to settle down and never did - why?

It seems like you were doing ok until now?

tbh attractive guys who are financially stable don't have a problem getting cute looking girls for relationships...

Build a social circle I guess

ShelterNo2786 · 2024-02-04T05:18:41+00:00

it is what it is,

there are worse off in life.

bzl33 · 2024-02-04T05:30:29+00:00

if you've done all of this, you need to either lower your standards even though you don't want to or take an extended break.

you are going to burn yourself out otherwise.

PMmeareasontolive · 2024-02-04T05:36:16+00:00

How about some sort of religious/spiritual endeavor? Doesn't have to be the fundamentalist kind, maybe the woo-woo kind, or something in between. Could be interesting from a philosophical viewpoint, and maybe a mixed crowd there doing much the same thing.

Randomwoowoo · 2024-02-04T08:17:17+00:00

I met my person online, but it wasn’t a dating app. I joined online communities for my hobbies, and genuinely messaged people who had good takes.

One of them led me to them.

I know death of 3rd spaces is a thing. I felt that as I got older. But showing genuine interest in someone with the same interests as me has led to a multi year (and hopefully forever) relationship.

Talk to people. On discord. Or Reddit. Or X. Or wherever you find them.

Also, assuming you’re a male, look up male grooming subs and ask advice. Some of them are harsh but the majority really want other men to succeed.

nonplussedminus · 2024-02-04T08:59:34+00:00

Just settle for be nice mentally ill girl, they're not as bad as you think

gopher_glitz · 2024-02-04T09:52:35+00:00

Another reason not to have kids, for them to be saved by this seemingly inevitable feeling.

Head_Blacksmith_2035 · 2024-02-04T12:34:06+00:00

Marcus Aurelius :Meditations.

Willow-girl · 2024-02-04T13:01:12+00:00

Have the kind of life that, when an attractive woman meets you, makes her think, "I want to be a part of that."

Also, at 30 I think you're in kind of a lull between "Girls just wanna have fun" and "OMG, biological clock is ticking and I need to lock down a husband and start having kids NOW!"

In 3-5 more years, your female peers will be in that second mode and you may have more luck (unless you're opposed to raising a family).

Gravel_Roads · 2024-02-04T13:10:46+00:00

Novel stimulation. Stagnation is the mind killer.

John_Oakman · 2024-02-04T13:57:03+00:00

Pursue moral virtues.

Many_Dig_2782 · 2024-02-04T14:38:03+00:00

I would leave the country and travel around a bit if I were you

America is great for making money, the best honestly. Other countries are much better when it comes to living life though

DapperDan1929 · 2024-02-04T15:44:58+00:00

You accept the reality. It’s 99% not ever gonna happen. Then you give up trying and immediately feel 1000% better. That’s been my technique since Dec 2020. It honestly reduces all the stress

Thatshygurl · 2024-02-04T16:14:14+00:00

I’m not entirely sure the point of this post is, but I must give props to you for going out and trying something different from the apps. And you’re completely right, all the dating apps are predatory and only care about profits, not actually matching people up. But serious props to you for having the confidence and courage to talk to women you find attractive in public, it’s quite rare nowadays.

ilike18yoblackpussy · 2024-02-04T16:15:00+00:00

By having interests outside of women. And, frankly, as men get older their testosterone falls, which means they have less interest in sex. That means less interest in women.

One survey found that 40% of middle-aged men would rather watch football on Saturday than have sex.

So basically just do things you enjoy that aren't related to women. Pretty much anything you're into, whether watching sports, fixing cars, fishing, hiking, reading, playing videogames, working out, cooking, whatever. As long as it is relatively healthy and not overly expensive (unless you have the money, of course) then it is cool.

As for sexual urges, jacking off can relieve that, and porn heightens arousal to make jacking off more enjoyable, although I'm aware that some people feel that jacking off is wrong for religious reasons.

aidsjohnson · 2024-02-04T16:59:28+00:00

Meditating, exercising, and reading books helps me. Other hobbies are important too, like writing and watching movies. Going for long walks. A nice mushroom trip once a year. I don’t worry too much about what I can’t control, I just try to focus on my inner peace and maintaining that.

a-child-of-mary · 2024-02-04T20:34:40+00:00

Drop your standards you probably think you are better than you are

asofiro_ · 2024-02-04T21:20:15+00:00

Change your location. I'm not saying move country but consider moving to a different city. Certain cities have a dating culture which doesn't suit you - sometimes the women have a specific type and you aren't it.

I almost gave up on dating when I lived and worked in a university town. I would run out of dating profiles because I swiped left all the time. Moved back to my hometown and within 3 months started dating my girlfriend.

ConsciousFood201 · 2024-02-04T21:51:10+00:00

Your bar is set too high. It’s as simple as that. There’s no reason you’re not finding the woman of your dreams if your expectations are correct.

cadmium2093 · 2024-02-06T03:21:57+00:00

It seems like you designed your whole life over "find a women to have a relationship with." Are you talking about this with your therapist? Therapy doesn't do much if you don't talk about the big, painful issues.

You need to start doing things because you enjoy it. Because it gives you comfort. At this point, I bet you might not even be sure what it is you enjoy solely because it gives you pleasure and nothing else. You should also look into grief counseling in a way because you were told a lie (if I do x, y, and z, then I will get a girl and have a happy marriage - the Disney myth- and you tried to do it, but it failed you. Finding Meaning, The Sixth Stage of Grief by David Kessler wrote an excellent book on it. It's pretty cheap to find. He lost his son, and he's a therapist. His words might be able to help

I think you should read this post to your therapist. So they know what your problems are, and they can help you better.

Title	How do you avoid desperation and despair as you get older?
Author	StaticNocturne
Upvotes	58
Comments	228
Date	February 4, 2024 3:32 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1aiech8/how_do_you_avoid_desperation_and_despair_as_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-do-you-avoid-desperation-and-despair-as-you.1244554 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244554

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