Would you hate even more the french dating scene ?

SmilesRHere · 2024-04-26T19:43:53+00:00

Grew up in France and that sounds like the dating scene from the 80s, glad somethings haven’t changed.

Edit: though the monogamy part was a little bit of a gray area in my time, was the “official” norm, but often not truly practiced (side affairs were common).

AdmirableSelection81 · 2024-04-26T19:39:43+00:00

Monogamy is the norm.

Not for marriage it isn't lmao.

bluestjuice · 2024-04-26T18:40:38+00:00

You forgot to mention the wine and cheese and pâtisserie; these are very important considerations.

This sounds pretty pleasant although I will say from my side of the pond the French have a reputation for tolerating a lot of extramarital affairs. I have no idea if that’s really the case or a massive exaggeration.

Whoreasaurus_Rex · 2024-04-26T18:55:56+00:00

It is far superior. I love it. For the most part (except for the legal stuff), it's how I operate.

Eschew_Sloth-232 · 2024-04-26T19:06:23+00:00

I am from London but have always liked the French approach to social life in general, they/you seem to be less neurotic than people in the anglosphere.

RosieBarb · 2024-04-26T18:31:39+00:00

The stereotype is that French men all cheat. Is this still true?

Friedrich_Friedson · 2024-04-26T18:59:17+00:00

Men and women being equals is the norm -Splitting the bill is the norm -Café / beer / having a walk is the default for a first date, going on a dinner is considered a terrible idea

That's like,the norms in most European countries lol.

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-04-26T19:46:39+00:00

I seriously doubt the claim about monogamy- especially given the tropes about the French and the natural nature of humans, but other than that, that sounds pretty nice.

Davegvg · 2024-04-26T19:03:41+00:00

So when it doesn't go so well between a couple how does child support, and paternity verification/assignment work?

Economy-Shake-1448 · 2024-04-27T01:15:19+00:00

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This is pretty standard in the USA, and sharing what was earned WHILE MARRIED drives men to a fit of rage here.

Concreteforester · 2024-04-26T19:08:24+00:00

That sounds great honestly. But I should point out that France has made private paternity testing illegal to "preserve the peace within french families" (https://www.ibdna.com/paternity-testing-ban-upheld-in-france/). That, along with a general attitude towards adultery much more permissive than other areas makes me wonder about anything past dating.

40% of french people surveyed considered having an affair morally unacceptable. This is compared to 80% in the USA. (https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2014/01/14/french-more-accepting-of-infidelity-than-people-in-other-countries/).

EDIT: I don't want to come across as shitting on the French. It's more that the dating scene also comes with a few other things that you kind of left out.

banthaaa · 2024-04-26T18:33:14+00:00

Fr*nch try not to be condescending challenge (impossible)

januaryphilosopher · 2024-04-26T18:46:33+00:00

Um, from my time in France and knowing French people they're really quite into hookups and casual relationships, at least more so than over in the British Isles. There seem to more long-distance and open relationships too. Maybe I'm younger than you and that's what it is. It's one of the main things I'd find off-putting. That and I don't really like being in France.

Metalloid_Space · 2024-04-26T18:23:12+00:00

Honestly this sounds nice.

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-04-26T18:40:15+00:00

In France, monogamy is very much not the norm!

gregdaweson7 · 2024-04-26T18:28:46+00:00

Your dating scene sounds great, but your laws about paternity tests are shit.

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-04-26T18:25:29+00:00

All of my knowledge of French culture comes from the classic British sitcom “'Allo 'Allo!” - they apparently have a very lax attitude towards infidelity and sexually inappropriate behaviour (or what we’d consider inappropriate) - it’s not for me

dlowding · 2024-04-26T21:59:07+00:00

As a French man, our dating culture is really relaxed. However, a counterpoint to your "monogamy" point, is that unless you vocalize it with your partner, exclusivity isn't always assumed. At least the dynamics were like this when I was in university.

Also, something Americans could never fathom, is that a coffee and a cigarette (le fameux café clope) at a Starbucks terrace with a woman would be considered an okay date within our culture lol.

Da_Famous_Anus · 2024-04-26T19:46:42+00:00

This actually sounds way better.

Critical-Maniac83 · 2024-04-27T11:51:16+00:00

No thanks. A man can't even get a DNA test to prove the kids, not his. Besides anything, the left touches they destroy. That's been proven multiple times over very long periods of time throughout history and multiple cultures, and men and women will never be equals!

"Your dating scenes is superior," says you and weak men.

Opening_Tell9388 · 2024-04-26T18:48:32+00:00

I visited France last year and man.... The dating scene was so much fun. I really enjoyed the damn near total lack of care about money and things from the women I met. Europe has many countries like this and I think it is the best way to do it. Or certainly a big step in a good direction as far as cultural changes go.

Alarming_Ask_244 · 2024-04-26T18:25:54+00:00

Downloading french duolingo ASAP

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Anti_Thing · 2024-04-26T20:21:39+00:00

In secular culture, I think Canada is already at about the same level as you describe, though I wouldn't really know because I prefer to date within my right-wing, Christian bubble.

I prefer to pay for dates. If a woman insists on splitting or herself paying early in the relationship, she's almost certainly either not interested in me or not compatible with me.

I actually agree with café / beer / having a walk being preferred to fancy dinner for a first date. I don't see that as indicative of a "liberal shift". Perhaps restaurant culture is more mainstream/affordable in France, but here in Canada I don't know if it was ever really that common for regular, middle-class people to frequent expensive, sit-down restaurants. My parents certainly didn't go to such restaurants growing up in Romania; according to them, only the Communist elites had enough money to do so. From that perspective, going to a café for a first date is arguably more "traditional" than going to a fancy restaurant.

Abortion in France is generally only allowed up to 14 weeks. That's actually quite strict by American standards, in fact stricter than what Roe v Wade allowed. Several American states allow abortion up to the moment of birth with no real restrictions. The idea that abortion is heavily restricted in America overall is mostly just left-wing fearmongering; realistically, women who want abortions easily get them in their own state, or at the worst maybe have to travel a little.

I agree that the talking to/fucking multiple people phase is weird, though evidently that isn't relevant to me & I don't know how widespread it is because I'm devoutly religious.

Brazuca0 · 2024-04-26T21:16:07+00:00

Well, i'm brazilian fwiw and the dinner part being considered terrible idea... well, i know i've never been to a dinner first date. I think it's probably more common for older people to have dinner dates, but people who are younger than 35 seem to find it common to just have a beer/ coffee date.

Personally, if i suggested a coffee date and she was like "that's cheap, take me to dinner", i would just move on to the next girl, as i find the purpose of first date to get to know each other and see if there's chemistry, so how much you spend shouldnt be relevant. As i said, this never happened to me tho, i suggest coffee date, they're ok with it, i pay the bill full (which is fine, as it's pretty unexpensive). I remember only one girl in particular who splited the bill.

No-Search6744 · 2024-04-26T22:18:57+00:00

French dating scene just seems like a bunch of flakey narcissists, so yea I dont know If that's a thing to be proud of or something.

WarezMyDinrBitc · 2024-04-26T23:08:37+00:00

And now paternity tests are illegal in France unless by court order. They are trying really hard to cover up that 2.5 - 3% of kids being unknowingly raised by men who think they are the father but aren't (paternity fraud).

Substantial_Video560 · 2024-04-26T23:24:36+00:00

I recently went on a solo holiday to Paris. Dating and relationships were the furthest thing on my mind while there. I barely noticed the women in all honesty. Saying that being an aromantic asexual I'm kinda indifferent.

TransLifelineCali · 2024-04-27T01:43:21+00:00

you forgot to add: Paternity tests are literally illegal.

UseOk8123 · 2024-04-27T06:04:26+00:00

What you described is not really much different from America.

Subtle_Omega · 2024-04-27T07:27:08+00:00

So women ask out men equally? That sounds pretty good

escape12345 · 2024-04-27T08:34:14+00:00

Wasn't Emmanuel Macrons wife already married with children when she decided to groom a schoolboy ? With zero rape repercussions and instead being lauded leaving the ex husband and children behind

GridReXX · 2024-04-27T13:51:14+00:00

You lost me at monogamy is the norm. Isn’t France known for their exceptionally non-monogamous style of “monogamy”? The trope is that French married couples have affairs that most seem to be aware of. That’s not monogamy. I’m not mad at it. But it’s not monogamy.

neinhaltchad · 2024-04-26T20:27:00+00:00

Basically the French practice sexual liberation and tolerance universally as opposed to the US where sexual liberation and tolerance is for everyone except straight men.

Devilishz3 · 2024-04-26T18:23:55+00:00

I'm confused. I think this is what a lot of guys are asking for isn't it? The venting is more like America pretends it's France in this context but it's really kind of conservative but also not.

TheDerInDisorder · 2024-04-26T18:52:06+00:00

A Frenchman who thinks their shit didn't stink? Will wonders ever cease?

Shoreham_Directives · 2024-04-26T18:29:12+00:00

No because French women have affairs, and French people in general are dicks.

basedgawd3 · 2024-04-26T18:45:04+00:00

Most American women wouldn't like it because of the bill splitting and coffee dates LOL

Preme2 · 2024-04-26T19:32:18+00:00

If all this is accurate then I would say France has a superior dating culture.

America is pushing to become more liberal regarding economics, and education, but socially (I would include dating here) it’s very much traditional-conservative. Not because it’s better for everyone, but because it’s better for women. The guy more often than not approaches, and pays, and walk/ cafe dates are frowned upon. Women can get an abortion or most of the time travel to another state to get one. It’s not as limiting as the media and progressives make it out to be.

Necessary-Ask-3619 · 2024-04-26T20:02:16+00:00

Isn't your culture also the one which prohibits Paternity test unless court ordered?

slightly better in some aspects but that one thing makes it all not worth it.

Also:

Abortion has been added to our constitution as human right, it cannot change

You guys allow abortion up until birth because it harm her mental health and you think that's a good thing? Physical harm I understand but mental heath issues are enough to allow elective abortions in 3rd trimester?

To exhibit wealth and pay for women's stuff or the bill is seen as lame and a way to compensate for other flaws.

This happens everywhere and it's not necessarily a good thing. Some people like to pay for their partner. To automatically assume he is compensating is ridiculous. Also, I am guessing the shaming only works one way. A woman exhibiting wealth and paying for man's stuff or bill is seen similarly?

no prenup is the standard, everyone keeps what was made before and splits what was made during the marriage.

This isn't a good thing. That's how you end up with a spouse who didn't work and still gets paid half of what was earned during the marriage.

kvakerok_v2 · 2024-04-26T20:53:37+00:00

Make paternity tests legal again and we can talk.

LouisdeRouvroy · 2024-04-26T22:20:46+00:00

Sorry but:

Abortion has been added to our constitution as human right, it cannot change

The French constitution can be changed very easily. It's done every other year.

no prenup is the standard, everyone keeps what was made before and splits what was made during the mariage.

That's incorrect. Prenup, contrat de mariage in french, is mandatory. There are 3 standard ones: separate assets, common assets, common marital assets, and then you can have anything a lawyer makes. By default everyone gets the 3rd one unless you opt for another. You can change it at any time.

The big difference with the US is that there's no punitive child support, which is set along national guidelines and there's no alimony.

TheDuellist100 · 2024-04-26T18:46:34+00:00

I don't respect the French at all, so no. No offense.

Jonny2266 · 2024-04-26T20:46:12+00:00

Yeah, these things all sound better than the US datng scene, generally.

CalypsoRaine · 2024-04-26T21:12:48+00:00

I would like it more in France minus the monogamy.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2024-04-26T22:53:46+00:00

Shebalied · 2024-04-26T23:52:34+00:00

damn France is sounding good from that point. Too bad it has all those other issues lol.

TheLonerCoder · 2024-04-26T23:54:10+00:00

I dont see the difference between these and american dating.. Most of these are already pretty standard in alot of cities here.

Top_Efficiency5067 · 2024-04-27T01:05:43+00:00

That's it. I'm moving to France.

serpensmercurialis · 2024-04-27T01:18:08+00:00

Depends, would I have to date French people?

AdenCqin78 · 2024-04-27T01:33:28+00:00

This is pretty much how the American scene is.

Legitimate_Type_1324 · 2024-04-27T04:16:06+00:00

Can confirm. My wife is French.

Downtown_Werewolf_44 · 2024-04-27T07:00:06+00:00

You nailed it, only thing that I would object is about the splitting the bill/simping think. From my experience, even if bills are splitted most of the time, as a dude you can't be the one suggesting it. You'll have to "try" to pay, she will refuse and you have to do that silly little game where you finally accept to split it. Go right away with a "hey, you're ok if we split?" Is a sure way to appears broke or cheap.

James_Cruse · 2024-04-27T07:18:41+00:00

I think this is a great way to have a dating scene.

This explains why the french women I’ve been in relationships were so reasonable and level-headed.

They didn’t really want to be “equals” in the way that they thought they could do what I so as a man though, that’s not part of it.

But they didn’t mind paying their share, cooking each other food, going on casual dates for a coffee/dessert at a cafe, even when in a relationship.

SnooSongs8797 · 2024-04-27T07:50:38+00:00

So what you’re telling me is I gotta move to France

Dankutoo · 2024-04-27T09:09:02+00:00

It’s been many years since I dated a French girl, but things seemed to work well. Much more reasonable than the U.K., where alcohol plays such a heavy (outsized) role.

I haven’t dated in the US in 20 years, so I have no idea what’s going on there.

Enfin, j’adore encore La Patrie….

kochIndustriesRussia · 2024-04-27T12:28:48+00:00

The western liberal movement takes it marching orders from France.

emorizoti · 2024-04-27T13:54:10+00:00

What do you mean French dating scene?

I've lived in France for a few years and I can say that it really depends on where you live. French people are in general the same with each other, if you compare them to Germans, British or Americans. But if you compare the dating scene in Marseille to that in Paris, they are not similiar at all. I lived in Nancy and Dijon and I can say that the modern dating is not a thing even in one of the most open minded society in Europe. While in Paris, the locals have every kind of dating styles.

What I liked and miss the most from dating in France is the simplicity of life. You work/go to school and by the afternoon you can hangout in parks, cafes or gatherings at small apartments. During weekends you can go out for hiking or fun activities. People are very well dressed but simple at the same time. And couples are almost always from the same background and common level. No one judges you by your status, income, wether you have a car or use the public transport(in other countries you'll be judged as a loser for owning a cheap car and roasted to oblivion for not owning one), no need to show dominance or power struggle within a couple. The woman in front of you judges you by your personality and your skills. If you play mind games it's over.

It was refreshing and calming, coming from Eastern Europe where if you want to date a woman you need to assert dominance at all times, communication skills are not mandatory because the money in your pocket and your car do the talking, you have to dress in fake clothes with big ass designer clothes to display wealth, and being toxic, controlling or abusive is a must. For example, a man who is okay with his girlfriend going out with her friends is a turn off. I mean just for a coffee not clubbing. In France, if you ever say anything to your girlfriend about going out with her friends, it's considered very rude and you'll be single for not respecting her life.

SsRapier · 2024-04-27T16:36:07+00:00

It seems too good to be true, must have a gotcha

Bro_with_passport · 2024-04-26T20:02:21+00:00

Make sure that kid is actually yours, then we can talk lmao. But seriously, that sounds pretty sad overall. It’s why I choose to date in more conservative countries.

WanabeInflatable · 2024-04-26T20:16:33+00:00

What OP describes is close to ideal. Actually no downsides. Maybe he forgot to mention something?

DannyBOI_LE · 2024-04-26T19:51:39+00:00

This progressive shit originated in France. French linguists are responsible for the push of post modern theories in academia that has now spread like wild fires into every other institution. Post modernism is intellectual fodder for stupid people with limited critical faculty. It’s one of the most destructive ideologies ever to exist because it tries to invalidate any type of value judgement on their merits by explaining the world through man made constructs.

Not surprised it’s worst in France. Modern feminism is a cancer for the brain that wins by keeping people stupid and shaming those publicly who speak against it. Bigotry, misogyny, racism, and patriarchy are all labels used as deflection tactics to hide their true intentions to destroy the west and any sense of its values.

When you see this behavior know what it is and never apologize or agree with these people. The women practicing this nonsense are some of the easiest to sleep with. Play the game and play it well. Knowing is half the battle.

DJBurpz · 2024-04-26T19:36:33+00:00

Typical stuck up French snob.

throwaway164_3 · 2024-04-26T19:27:28+00:00

French dating is also alpha fucks/beta bucks

It’s just innate human biology, not culture.

Odd_Ad5171 · 2024-04-26T20:24:30+00:00

How are actual Frenchmen competing against all the young African and Mahgrabs wandering around in all major French cities?

Do all the women there have their "black" phase.

It looked quite dire to me the last time I was in Paris.

his_purple_majesty · 2024-04-26T20:53:33+00:00

That doesn't sound at all like a more liberal shifted American dating scene.

American dating scene is more like virtue signaling about how liberal you are, then making the man pay for everything or ghosting him because he suggested going for a walk or acting like he's a murderer because he wanted to go to the park on a first date. And also being utterly disgusted if the guy is poor, although not in the terms of rich and poor but instead successful/driven and unsuccessful/lazy.

Although I did date one girl who lived up to her purported ideals and she was very nice.

Also, people seem to be incredibly superficial. They like charm and confidence, but it's extremely superficial charm and confidence, like how well you can recite a script.

superlurkage · 2024-04-26T21:23:29+00:00

Counterpoint: infidelity is nbd, for both genders

ADP_God · 2024-04-26T23:35:45+00:00

Is monogamy the norm in France? I have heard otherwise...

Title	Would you hate even more the french dating scene ?
Author	Jazzlike_Worth_9908
Upvotes	54
Comments	279
Date	April 26, 2024 6:16 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1cdsfza/would_you_hate_even_more_the_french_dating_scene/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-you-hate-even-more-the-french-dating-scene.1516477 https://theredarchive.com/post/1516477

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