Slept with 20 women in one year: Truing to deal with bad effects

CrwdsrcEntrepreneur · 2024-05-12T04:05:26+00:00

My dude, that was me 3 years ago, almost carbon copy.... Like it's eerie how similar my situation was to what you're describing: mid 30s, in NYC (downtown Manhattan west side), had just started a new job with a huge raise, moved to a nice apt, everyone was coming out of Covid lockdowns so women were eager to go out. I went on about 40 first dates that year and slept with about half of them on either the 1st or 2nd date. With about 10-12 of these girls I went on at least 5 dates, and I full-on dated a couple of them for a few months (none exclusive).

While I didn't become bored, nor hated the apps, nor got tired of sex (that's wild to me that you did btw), I did get very desensitized and started treating dating like an actual game. It got to the point where I did want something "more", but I wasn't seeking it as much as I knew I was open to settling down when the right one came along.

Well, 3 years later, I'm now engaged. We met very naturally, not via a dating app or by me purposely doing cold approach. I won't give the details so as to not dox myself, but my point is... don't get discouraged, there's a lot of quality women out there, especially in NYC.

RDCthunder · 2024-05-12T04:44:13+00:00

Honestly going through something similar at 30. Every once in a while I want a hookup or FWB out of boredom, but it feels meaningless. My theory is that it’s about craving a real connection and it’s a lot harder to find that than we think. I believe it becomes easier to discern what’s lust and what’s genuine connection as you get older and have more experience with women. Getting more experience is a double edged sword.

Also love the people more concerned about the numbers than the question 😂

CrazyRepulsive8244 · 2024-05-12T03:39:04+00:00

So much jealousy in here. It really summarizes this subreddit.

Congrats OP, you beat the game. Changes your life, doesn't it? It's freeing. But freedom can have a price, eh?

Now you have the eyes that can see how many guys on here DONT actually practice what they preach. Because you have the mindset of someone that does, it's obvious when they start mouthing off that they aren't about it.

Anyways, there's really no fix for such a thing. But what id recommend is making a list with all the pros you want in a woman, and all of the things you want to avoid and use your newfound power to very strictly filter women in the future. Now you have the power to get what you want, and the self control to be selective. Best of luck.

realisticpriorities · 2024-05-12T04:57:29+00:00

So that’s meeting a new woman every week, and sleeping with a new woman every other week. That sounds exhausting dude, no wonder you’re burned out.

I think you’ve systemised your process and maxed out what is possible within it to such a degree that it’s strictly just a game for you. And by every standard you’ve won the game, and realised how shallow a pursuit it is for its own sake. Doesn’t mean the game can’t be fun, but at 32 maybe it’s falling out of alignment with your other goals.

I think it takes some compartmentalisation to work with that volume of people on a perpetual conveyer belt for so long. From initial match and texting, to first and second date closing, giving up if it doesn’t lead to sex by date 3-4 and focusing on the reliable in-stream of first dates. In my experience to do that you’ve got to be scheduling 2-4 dates a week, which is a ton of work to be doing for a whole year like it’s your job. You gotta look inward and reorganise your approach to be more aligned with what you’re looking for. If all you have is a hammer everything is going to look like a nail.

Cactus2711 · 2024-05-12T03:34:09+00:00

Desensitised yourself to women’s bullshit. I think every man needs to have this stage in his life

dark_rabbit · 2024-05-12T04:01:06+00:00

You’ve over done it. Everything in life should be in moderation. No matter how good.

Take time, get back to baseline, and ask yourself what’s most important in life.

Financial_Animal_808 · 2024-05-12T03:12:05+00:00

Now I’m wondering if I should go down your path or just not sleep with anyone till I find someone considered relationship material… 🤔

Reasonable_Mail_3656 · 2024-05-12T15:39:31+00:00

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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

indigoshawty · 2024-05-12T07:35:32+00:00

Guys pretend that being a hoe has no consequence because they’re men and it’s ‘different’. You’re experiencing the consequences of that lame advice. It ruins future relationship potential and sex is no longer satiating or special. Men on this sub need to get rid of this high body count goal and not give their bodies to anything that walks if they care about having a wife and family. Being ran through isn’t commendable. But if that’s not the goal have at it. But it sounds like you do want a relationship. Idk who gave you the advice to sleep around and that’ll somehow make you ready for a real relationship, but I’d seek therapy and reevaluate the advice you’ve been given and the beliefs you hold about intimacy, love and relationships. Good luck

Fate-in-haze · 2024-05-12T03:20:06+00:00

Find a therapist who specializes in men's issues and dive in. There is no shame in getting help.

snrolexx · 2024-05-12T06:12:27+00:00

Take a break from being with women. Trust me I’ve been there to a certain degree. After a little while of not having any is the best way to become interested again. And when you do become interested again, make sure you take the time to find someone who you really like and also has all the qualities or most of them that you’re looking for. I look for a down to earth girl who is cool someone I can actually have fun with. And also someone who motivates you in the ways you want to be motivated in. Someone who is genuinely fun and passionate about life, who loves themselves and isn’t overly full of themself. You’re probably not gunna find that type of woman in downtown manhattan though. I love a hot good country girl cuz they’re a mix of all the best qualities I look for. Good luck

Sandvicheater · 2024-05-12T04:06:41+00:00

Very few men can actually find validation in sleeping with many women unless he has to be verrrry shallow.

anonymthesedays · 2024-05-12T08:06:04+00:00

I have a different experience. Kinda the opposite of the OP but the end point is same as him. I have been rejected so much especially because of the place I live and I am basically a foreigner. But now, somehow due to all the rejections, now I have the confidence to talk with any girls but without any interest in them no matter how hot they are. And the funny thing is now, I find that they all are attracted to me, but I have 0 interest even if they approach me.

I am also 32, and by next year I wanna get a serious relationship. For me only thing that attracts me now is their character and not their looks. So I am Starting with that. I am ready to sacrifice my preference for physical characteristics for long term benefits like her character. It could be that, she loves to read, maybe go kayaking or bouldering, or is a science genius. So in short, something she is genius in and someone who has an ambition. At the same time someone who as affection and kindness.

DJSexualChocolate · 2024-05-12T07:54:21+00:00

Most men will never get to experience this, don't mind the hate...

You burned out your dopamine response and vasopresin, oxytocin, serotonin, etc. To work women. There's a reason some of the older methods of courtship were seen as "more appropriate". Limited our reach and lust. This is very similar to porn addiction, you just were getting real ass.

Also, something you peep is all is not as it seems outside. Most of my friends are women and through those relationships I've seen it all... I have a similar issue in that when I meet someone, and I meet more people than most humans through work, I can see through a whole lot of the facade typically. I enjoy my peace and being alone as a result. I have zero time or energy to waste anymore, and I've been solid and looking towards marriage every time. People aren't who or what they seem and aren't always ready for what they say they want.

I think this is a time for you to dopamine detox and work on yourself. You finding your confidence is great but you went about it in a way where you broke the 4th wall and are numb to human interaction with women. You depleted your love energy. I think some spiritual isolation and reflection should be in order so you stop rolling the dice at the casino for fun and start making concerted effort. You may need to repair your pair bonding ability and perspective.

possessedbythecold · 2024-05-12T17:11:10+00:00

I am recently single. I have already slept with 5 women and I'm sick of it. Sex with no connection is not all it's cracked up to be. I currently have 2 friends w benefits. The benefits at this point is someone to go to a movie with or out to a new restaurant. Half the time I fake my orgasm. I still focus on pleasing them so they seem happy. They keep coming back. I'm sure if I asked one to be exclusive they would disappear.

Week_Striking · 2024-05-12T09:24:23+00:00

Man is suffering from success.

Xtheman3 · 2024-05-12T04:47:26+00:00

No one is happy

PrimusPilus · 2024-05-12T18:45:54+00:00

If a perfectly-cooked medium rare prime rib is your favorite thing to eat in the world and you then proceed to have it for dinner every night for a year, it is quite probable that it will no longer be your favorite meal after that.

Humans are attracted to/intrigued by things that are mysterious and/or difficult to obtain. Once you have reliably solved the mystery and cracked the code to be able to obtain whatever you want, whenever you want, it is inevitable that you'll reach an existential/emotional crossroads.

For men, biology drives us to try to fuck everything in sight when we're younger. As you age and acquire experience, it's natural (and probably for the best, given what you've described) to be more choosy and not prioritize sex over all other things.

The ennui that you're feeling is your mind/body's way of pumping the brakes. It's a good opportunity to explore and develop other things in your life that are less carnal. Find hobbies, read, expand your mind, and don't approach life as though the strategic goal is to attain a certain sort of mate. As you find things that make you happy and engage your mind, you'll improve yourself, you'll forget about chasing women (or relationships), and you'll take life as it comes. You're also far more likely to attract the sort of woman that will interest you if you approach things this way. The more you focus on being, rather than on chasing, the happier and more content you'll be.

EdUNC- · 2024-05-12T03:10:35+00:00

That’s insane. 40-50 dates and slept with 20??

How? I went on 10 dates last month and they all ghosted me after the first date. What do you talk about during the dates? Do you typically kiss on the first date? Where do you take them on first date?

Your date to slept ratio is insane. Provide your wisdom to us lol

Responsible_Fly_8921 · 2024-05-12T13:54:26+00:00

make a truck load of money and spend time in the country side, see if some country bumkin catches your eyes. if not then just go about your day smelling the Roses. touch grass and maybe burn some too, works like a charm. also try exploring the meta realm. get out of the body experience and wander around the spring fields and stay in nature. the change in pace will do you great. all the best

spicy_simba · 2024-05-12T04:39:03+00:00

He there buddy,

Well this is a conclusion that is not so uncommon, but that a lot of people dont get to that quickly

Have you read the "subtle art to not give a fuck" ? There is a chapter where the author talks about this exact feeling, there is a big dark side and a big cost to such a lifestyle.

I am not sure you are at the correct sub based on the answers,

this sub has a different set of values that you may have identified with before but not anymore, which is normal.

Part of growing up and maturing is letting go of old values and embracing new ones that are more meaningful and fulfilling.

Just like people who get richer won't value getting a new material acquisition after some time, just like adrenaline chasers wont feel as high with each experience, just like workaholics wont feel as rewarded after the 10th promotion, there is only so much in such pursuits of novelty, and short term gratification.

I don't think something is wrong with you

Hopefully this experience helps in guiding you in answering questions about your identity and what you need in your life to find meaning and to be fulfilled.

agentStag · 2024-05-12T07:52:23+00:00

I was also feeling this way a few months ago. I'd literally prefer to stay home and watch something, rather than let a girl come over.

So I tried romanticizing the whole thing a bit more. I watched a few rom coms and kept searching for a good emotional connection that would make me feel something, good or bad.

I've found that and it feels great. Cuddling with a random 10 vs cuddling with your emotional and physical 10 is a whole other level.

OliveWhisperer · 2024-05-12T14:09:39+00:00

I've been in this boat before and moved on to marriage(s) and kids. Folks don't understand that you can have too much of a good thing. It's exhausting, expensive, and repetitive.

Take a break and find a hobby. Seriously, just walk away for awhile.

When you start to feel lonely go back on the apps and switch your bio up to something more serious, long term oriented. Even talk about wanting a family eventually so you'll find serious dates.

Once you're up and running again only date one woman at a time to keep your sanity and your wallet in good shape. (I made this mistake and had 3 to 4 different dates a week in Boston. I was mixing up who said what and people's names, I lost track of everyone's details. It was embarrassing).

Next go slow. You absolutely should sleep with your date relatively soon just to find out if you're compatible in bed, but it's not a race, not this time.

My best advice is this: Love is easy. Actually "liking" a partner is more difficult. Find someone you like.

You my friend have good problems 🙂

Fresh_Song_2911 · 2024-05-12T08:46:25+00:00

We require a guide from you.

KnickCage · 2024-05-12T12:41:46+00:00

Im 28 pushing 100 women and I dont feel this way yet, could be an age thing more than an experience thing, as I get older and older I care less and less. My biggest year was either first year after covid or 2nd year after covid, both 20+ years and I still feel excited about a new girl.

kornhell · 2024-05-12T19:35:13+00:00

Uhm, where is the problem to just have a break from women and dating? Been there, done that many many times in my life.

2024-05-12T04:58:03+00:00

I had 40 in a summer - this was downtown NYC as well. As long as it’s consensual (obviously) and you dont play with people or keep fucking girls who are emotionally unstable then it’s all good. Just get checked.

Also, some time after I had the same exact feeling about not being super attracted to anyone or motivated to pursue anyone. Don’t worry, it certainly comes back lol.

the_ice_master · 2024-05-12T08:37:54+00:00

Man's suffering from success

Psiborg0099 · 2024-05-12T04:54:45+00:00

Congratulations. You’ve attained a level of enlightenment that few men have. Now utilize that to your advantage. You definitely don’t need a therapist… you need a woman to chase you and follow your lead. The fact that you’re indifferent is a major attribute in your dating life. Now focus on being your own man and living your life as you want it. Stop worrying about women. They will come and go. The ones that are worth your time and respect will make themselves known.

Every-Requirement366 · 2024-05-12T04:19:44+00:00

Looking back, did a few of them have potential for long term, but you just weren’t ready? I’m wondering if maybe like you should just text those few back and all to take them to dinner again

Keniath · 2024-05-12T09:29:05+00:00

Iv slept with lots more during each summer of my nightlife time and being a bar owner on a Greek island. That time was crazy but definitely a time came where it didn't have any meaning anymore and I felt empty, didn't know why I'm doing this and it didn't give me any fulfillment. I think this phase is important to any successful man because you react totally different to women's BS and can't be controlled by their looks or with sex. Don't worry the right one will come and you look at women's qualities much different now opposed to most men

koby27k · 2024-05-12T15:55:30+00:00

Maaaaannn. That was me at 19-21. Take a hiatus

Awkward_Freedom_4551 · 2024-05-15T17:24:43+00:00

This is when you realize material pursuits, in all forms, are fruitless. They are fleeting, impermanent, and leave you always wanting more. The true success in this life is removing your attachments, freeing yourself from desire, and finding peace and solace in the eternal now. You will leave this plane one day. You will be confronted with your demons, and the darkest truths of your being. Confront them here and now, prepare yourself to take upon the sword and shield. There is a war of good and evil. It is real, and you need to know what side you are on. Your soul will cry out, begging you to see the truth. Understand these words. I have seen what awaits, as many others have. Know this to be true, that seeking worldly experiences, possessions, and manifestations will breed nothing but sadness, emptiness, and confusion. Find solace in knowing, that you are meant for more. Clearly, you have come to understand this on some level, judging from your post. So beware, travel safely, and be strong.

mrecz · 2024-05-12T03:17:55+00:00

good job. maybe find a girlfriend now or just focus on other things.

GuessOk2007 · 2024-05-12T05:10:52+00:00

Dude kindly make an education/guide post to help others up their game.

IGetBoredSometimes23 · 2024-05-12T06:15:47+00:00

It happens to all of us who end up successful. There comes a point where the game just isn't fun to play anymore.

What helped me was finding other hobbies and friends to hang out with until I felt like dating again.

Andrew_340 · 2024-05-12T08:19:21+00:00

You are left with only one solution, find a goth baddie and show them how se can be your wife, very challenging but rewarding

TripleDigitNomad · 2024-05-12T10:07:46+00:00

Man, I remember when 20 in one year blew my mind too. Was one of the best years of my life at the time, had so much fun (but maybe that's because I was still in my early 20s and nowhere near thinking about serious relationships). Nowadays though, 20 would be an off-year for me 😅

Anyway, the fact that you're looking to find a relationship though definitely changes things. Here are my suggestions to get out of the rut you're in:

~ I'm not sure how you were finding the different women you dated, whether it was OLD or night game, but if you're looking for women who more closely align to who you are as opposed to any girl you find attractive, I recommend you focus specifically on social game.

~ Basically, find other hobbies to partake in, ideally social ones. Go into them with the goal of having fun, not meeting women, and you will eventually meet a girl that checks all the right boxes for you and will excite you again.

~ When you do meet this girl, the experience you had being able to seduce multiple of them before will assist you greatly in seducing her as well and you shouldn't have issues starting a relationship with her.

timewavetheory · 2024-05-12T10:35:54+00:00

Sex with strangers is very very very overrated.

I clocked +100 and in hindsight its one of the most useless ways to spend your time and energy.

Nothing to show for all the money and time I spent. Nobody cares that you did it and you feel kinda gross eventually.

AvPBN · 2024-05-12T11:51:44+00:00

Hey brother, congrats on coming across the pond.

This may sound strange, but yes, take this time off. When someone reaches a goal, a small part of them has to be let go. This journey of seduction is something bigger that stems from a deeper part of the soul. Now is a good time to lay this past self to rest. The self that needed, craved, yearned. The self that thought seduction was the answer. So grieve. Give thanks.

Like soil being left alone for a few seasons to become more nutrient, you may be feeling like this for some time. That was my experience -- but having had come from the other side, it's very calm here. Movements become more intentional with the fairer sex.

Feel free to DM if you want to talk more. Good luck.

yvngjiffy703 · 2024-05-12T11:54:02+00:00

Go take a hike in nature

2024-05-12T12:25:26+00:00

It happened with me too. But I hit emptiness after sleeping with 8 women. I had lot of mixed feeling towards majority of them. I was not looking for long-term but at the same time I craved for them.

No-Preference8767 · 2024-05-12T12:50:52+00:00

Your conversions are good and you seem to understand what your bringing to the table so you don't have a huge ego .

I would like to congratulate you on becoming an attractive guy 😁 This is " normal " life now . Sex is just another thing you are capable of having. This is the reality of attractive / wealthy men and the reality of being an average looking woman. Now it's time to either look for hyper efficiencies to leave unfruitful dates early or find another hobby lol

Rufus_Anderson · 2024-05-12T13:08:55+00:00

OP. You are very relatable.

Once you get into “game” the grass always becomes greener and it’s hard to settle down. Part of you is always looking for something better no matter who you are with.

Sex becomes robotic and without feeling. I’ve never understood people who try to sleep with as many women as possible

Hopefully you’ll eventually meet someone you connect with and it might make you want to settle down.

mpgipa · 2024-05-12T13:32:04+00:00

Maybe it’s time to find a good woman that you truly see serious, date her long term and see how it goes .

Was in similar situation, found the right girl and I am living the best time of my life (happiness wise )

IamaThrowAwway · 2024-05-12T15:21:32+00:00

These aren't negative effects. They are signs of maturity and growing up. It's a good thing. The need to date and have sex with a lot of women is an immature way to prove manhood at the end of the day. We are led to believe that being prolific with women proves our masculinity and makes us dominant over other men. Except it's all bullshit. It stems from unresolved emotional needs and self image problems.

It should happen that you begin to realize such a lifestyle ultimately doesn't fill the void as it once promised to. It never can and it never will. Now that you've "gotten it out of your system" and see for yourself there isn't a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you can begin to focus on developing relationships based on real qualities and values.

It's a good thing to be desensitized to the feelings of limerance that lead so many down the wrong path. You realize now that limerance doesn't last and it's no indicator of genuine compatibility. You can be more sober in your relationships with women rather than following the intoxicating allure of the feelings of limerance.

It happened to me to and I dare say it happens to the majority of men who sleep with a lot of women. Think about why it is rock stars, who have pussy thrown at them on a daily basis, eventually settled down for the plainest looking woman you'd ever see, who wasn't a fan nor a supermodel nor anything like that. You grow up. You learn what's truly important in another person over what doesn't matter.

You're on the right path. You shouldn't be worried but celebrate your maturity. There are some men who unfortunately never mature and try to continue this kind of lifestyle without end.

ev3rm0r3 · 2024-05-12T15:43:56+00:00

Let me know how your doing in 10 years, Haven't had a GF really in that long, and haven't had a sex in over 3 years. 42m. 4 months? My average was 9 between women. Just slow down? Maybe look for one, date for awhile without having sex, see if you can form an attraction without it being the predominate solution point.

Poptotnot · 2024-05-12T17:21:54+00:00

Try being setup by some mutual friends. There will be less temptation to just fuck and run. You can also probably get the downloads from your friends beforehand.

BravoPUA · 2024-05-12T19:23:46+00:00

How many of these women were amazing?

Ones you were supper attracted to, thought had a good head on their shoulders, and you really vibed with?

Guessing not many...

So, basically, you werent crazy eating a ton of fast food, and now dont want to hit the drive thru anymore.

Stop going for quantity, and focus on quality.

Top level steaks, sushi, or italian...different story, you just have to find them now.

Rws4Life · 2024-05-12T21:12:37+00:00

Go confess to an orthodox priest and sin no more is my advice.

73738484737383874 · 2024-05-12T23:02:23+00:00

Gosh not gunna lie I thought this post was about catching an STD lol 😅 just keep truckin buddy.

Ok_Presence_319 · 2024-05-13T00:00:20+00:00

Sounds like you might find excitement dating a man now. I've had this thesis; good looking/rich/powerful/famous men get so much pussy thrown at them, sometimes they get bored of the novelty of pussy and then they switch teams. Not saying your homosexual, but maybe this is whats happened to you. Think Roman empire, George Michael, Pro athletes, P Diddy.

happywondering001 · 2024-05-13T00:05:39+00:00

i think you just matured! which is a good thing. your standards have raised, not just anybody impressses you anymore. with this mindset, you’re carefully filtering out the bad seeds which will you lead closer to the one. good luck !

nadiaayanne · 2024-05-13T14:59:03+00:00

What you need is a woman cleanse. Just get out of social media. Delete all porn and work out and focus on your own personal projects. When you block women off completely the urge will begin to come back and you will go back reinvented.

hacktivist21 · 2024-05-13T16:54:04+00:00

This is such a great post. Honest and realistic depiction of what happens after you overcome that “hump” period, become comfortable and get the women you want. You figure out all the principles of this subreddit and you’re like now what?

Welp. I’d say we all reach this point. I’d echo a lot of what was said and say you’re bored and dissatisfied because you’re sleeping with boring and dissatisfying women. Dating and sex is supposed to be fun.

Take advantage of how well you’ve mastered the fundamentals and be intentional and selective. Don’t be discouraged, you’re finally at a point where you can hand select hot women that get you excited again. If the fun is gone, reassess your goals and the time you’re spending (or possibly wasting) managing all these women.

rjones416 · 2024-05-14T00:56:16+00:00

I'm in my late 30s and feel the same way. Casual sex is basically just masturbating...fun but right after you cum you realize it wasn't special. I'm looking for a long term relationship now with someone I actually care about.

c_setup_exe · 2024-05-15T00:51:31+00:00

hard to humble when you stunting on a jumbotron

AndalusianMitsubishi · 2024-05-12T06:10:25+00:00

I haven't slept with that many but I do notice in myself that I also wouldn't want to sleep with girls who are for example boring or don't know how to do deeptalk. I just don't feel attracted to them because I know that either she won't be fun in bed or after me sleeping with her I will get tired of her very quickly.

I think it's normal to not want to sleep with every girl that you meet and maybe after meeting so many girls your standards and your expectations have risen too much. It's great and important to have standards but expectations are dangerous because almost always they will not be getting fulfilled which is going to disappoint you. This doesn't only count for girls but also in other areas in life (finances, career, bodybuilding etc.)

So maybe it's because of certain expectations you have, or maybe you really just want to find a girl which is gf material but you feel like the costs of finding her are too much for you and that it's not worth it. That would be my guess

666rueyov · 2024-05-12T06:37:53+00:00

Try giving up dating and sex for couple of years, I think your natural drive for sex and non platonic connection will come back

daddyvow · 2024-05-12T07:36:02+00:00

I feel like I’m going down a similar path. I already have similar issues. I’ve turned down sex from women which would have shocked my younger self. I no longer have the “drive”. I’m considering going celibate for a year to reset myself.

ashwellick · 2024-05-12T07:44:02+00:00

It’s like watching too much porn and jerking off day and night continuously for months so that to get super bored and never want to look upon porn again ever

gayqwertykeyboard · 2024-05-12T07:44:41+00:00

Sounds to me like you can only get the women you don’t want but can’t get the women you want. Pretty common in the intermediate stage. What you need to do is level yourself up in whatever ways you can to increase the quality of women that you’re getting (whether looks, personality, brains, whatever). That could mean getting in shape, becoming more fashionable, becoming more worldly or knowledgeable, spirituality, or of course getting better game/social skills.

beowulf47 · 2024-05-12T06:14:50+00:00

I've been there. Still kinda am. I think its a sign your standards have drastically increased. So the kinda mid girls that used to excite you just dont do it for you anymore

For me, the girls that throw me out of this 'rut' tend to be super hot/affluential, girls that for reason I decide to invest a lot in (because we just click for whatever reason, or I just genuinely think highly of her), and/or tend to be more girls I meet moreso in person than vs online. For some reason, I tend to more highly prioritize IRL girls vs online girls, even though the caliber can often be similar. Whatever the case may be, that same feeling of excitement returns once a girl fits some of those criteria. Its no longer formulaic, and its alot more genuine

Your criteria might be similar or might be different, but it definitely does exist. If you started dating Scarlet Johannsen tomorrow (or whoever the fuck is hot in Hollywood nowadays, I dont really follow that scene), Im sure you'd be alot more into your dating life.

Altruistic_Flow_9253 · 2024-05-14T04:42:43+00:00

Women aren’t that important. You learn that more and more once you get your shit together and got frisky with a few baddies. If you don’t, then you’re a child in a man’s body

Speaking_Buddha · 2024-05-12T05:14:59+00:00

On all posts like this I always wonder but nobody tells me this. Once you sleep with a woman, how do you tell her that you don't want to sleep with her again? Or are these women never interested in sleeping with you again?

Are the women you sleep with this bad that you don't want to sleep with her again?

BrilliantDoubting · 2024-05-12T08:50:46+00:00

Trying to get into "the perfect relationship" as is just another kind of suffering. You are setting yourself up for a great disappointment. If you are aware of this and still want it, go for it, because then it is something you have to experience.

I would recommend to read into spirituality. I feel you might be ready for it.

nuqun · 2024-05-12T09:08:47+00:00

How are you doing in general? Did you also lose interest in other things that were joyful before? Do you feel indifferent in general or only in terms of women? Do you feel empty? Those can be signs of depression. Stick with your plan and talk to a therapist.

Ok-Drive-197 · 2024-05-12T09:34:09+00:00

I'd like to know what kind of women though. I want quality. Basics are not hard at all, unless I'm in the wrong sub..

HoldMyBreadstick · 2024-05-12T09:35:10+00:00

Get your testosterone levels checked.

throwaway-research1 · 2024-05-12T09:35:14+00:00

Same boat. I have had a lot casual sex over the last two years and its not really as exciting anymore

MacDub840 · 2024-05-12T09:49:10+00:00

Lucky guy

Ok-Hawk662 · 2024-05-12T09:55:32+00:00

Teach me your ways Sensei

rustedwalleye · 2024-05-12T10:18:43+00:00

I went through very similar feeling. Over a 3 year period I probably slept with over 50 women and now a few years later I have no desire to see that many people. Even has my health physically was taking a downturn it just seemed like it was no or little effort to sleep with someone new. I had relationships at the same time that were consistent until I got bored with them.

On my 20s it was like I was ignored at every turn then in my mid 40s it was the total opposite. Now dating someone new is boring and I rarely go out. People my age don't thrill me at all ( I am 53 this year) and my mutual attraction pool has been 15-30 years younger. Part of it is my own personal problems, but this year I've only slept with 2 people and crazily enough the youngest I've ever been with who both are living with me.

Thisisname1 · 2024-05-12T10:20:36+00:00

Been there, done that. Same feeling.

"after a while, girl, they all seem the same"

MephistosFallen · 2024-05-12T10:44:00+00:00

Sounds like you’re burnt out on hook ups. That’s normal, and what usually happens when someone is ready to actually date to find a partner.

Don’t force yourself into anything man. If you don’t wanna date or hook up, don’t. You gained the skill of taking to women, so when you’re ready, get back at it in whichever way you want.

TANKER_06 · 2024-05-12T10:46:29+00:00

I'd say you now have a much clearer idea of what you are looking for in a partner, both long-term and short-term. Or you have lower than normal testosterone levels.

The latter should be checked just in case, especially if you have no desire to have sex AT ALL.

Our tastes change over time based on our experiences and media we are exposed to. So that by itself is no cause for alarm.

You may find that flirting with women is more fun than the actual sex too. Whatever the case, don't panic and enjoy your 30s!

Shylockvanpelt · 2024-05-12T10:57:10+00:00

Are you sure it is not just a libido drop? might be worth getting yourself checked

Cartoonist_False · 2024-05-12T11:22:22+00:00

RemindMe! 1 year

pretty_confusedlol · 2024-05-12T11:47:17+00:00

Same. I used to like guys and going on dates, meeting people in general. When i got into a long term relationship, i suddenly lost interest in men (including my boyfriend), it’s really sad. Made me realize i just enjoyed the chase. On the same boat rn because i cant even have crushes and i WANT to have crushes and go on dates. Just no longer attracted:/

Crumblestilskin · 2024-05-12T12:28:31+00:00

I think your mindset is important here, if you’re looking for something serious and sex is a priority then this is the mindset you’ll have. You have an abundance of pussy and you no longer chase it.

I would try to rewire your mind and view the serious relationship you now want(ed) as a woman with qualities you want in in a woman you’ll spend the rest of your life with. Don’t view her as someone you have sex with but someone that will be your best friend and be with you through thick and thin… that you also have sex with. Basically don’t view the ideal woman you want in the same light as a one night stand. It’ll mean more to you

chomblebrown · 2024-05-12T12:36:15+00:00

Yes promiscuity impacts our capacity to pair bond as well.

2024-05-12T13:29:38+00:00

Nah don’t blame the girls. You probably just have low testosterone. Go get it checked for 50 bucks

Silly_Randy · 2024-05-12T13:39:50+00:00

Go slow.

Go on dates with women you are attracted to.

Then don't have sex with them.

Easy. Hang out with her. Make out with her. Take everything slow.

You were in the hunting phase. Now you're in the dating phase.

BasicDesignAdvice · 2024-05-12T13:41:19+00:00

Get involved in social clubs and activities. Let a relationship happen naturally, if not, you'll have fun.

Phil_B16 · 2024-05-12T13:47:06+00:00

A victim of your own success.

Illiteratap · 2024-05-12T14:03:38+00:00

Not as far as you, but I felt something similar to this. You gotta get rid of the dating apps since that is just meat rating app at this point. Make interactions with women as natural as possible. But before that even, temporarely stop dating and sleeping with women.

Go on a hiatus to let you and your brain reset to the seemingly tainted dopamine receptors, heal over time while hanging with friends and doing what you like to do in your past time.

DroppedItAgain · 2024-05-12T14:04:27+00:00

You’ve done it, you’ve gotten to out of your system and you’re ready to settle down. Great job! The right one will reinvigorate your sexual appetite.

fretpound · 2024-05-12T14:32:44+00:00

Boo hoo

syntheticmedicine · 2024-05-12T15:00:50+00:00

I second the barely feel anything

spacemate · 2024-05-12T15:32:41+00:00

You gotta talk to people unfortunately. At some point, you’ll realize you are nervous with one of them. That’ll be your cue that you should make the effort to do things that now bore you.

VrilHunter · 2024-05-12T15:55:49+00:00

Great job.

However, about your side effects. It sounds like your libido has plummeted. There might a spike in baseline prolactin and/or decrease in testosterone. Apart from your obvious too much pussy game, the sidef effects from could be changes in daily life as well.

You should get your bloodwork done and check with a doctor. I dont think therapy is the answer. Maybe your sexual health is deteriorating. The reason(s) could be psychological or physiological.

lacroix87 · 2024-05-12T16:10:41+00:00

Haha therapist

brownie982 · 2024-05-12T16:27:55+00:00

Feel very similar but the story / content is different. I also need to rewire and put in effort for a real relationship since I’m in my 30sbut just not doing it :/

FarEmu5401 · 2024-05-12T16:53:49+00:00

you’ll be fine, this is a much easier issue than the guy who has never been with a woman and is trying to enter the dating scene at your age, if u get bored of the women u mess with then try looking for the more attractive women that you never thought you could get, maybe try other races or something to get that excitement back or just the perfect 10s. I guarentee if you start dating Kim Kardashian (just an example) or sum shit you will start to be excited about it

No_Passenger_1022 · 2024-05-12T16:54:36+00:00

Could you like give us a basically a" how to pull this off"? Like how to get dates and how to get over approach anxiety and stuff. Basically what all do we need to be successful at getting dates with women

chance1829 · 2024-05-12T17:06:45+00:00

I know why you feel what you do: It was the ease with which you managed to get those women earlier. If something is easy, that something becomes cheap and so not valued. Try this: Find just a few women you like but those women must be difficult to date for one reasons or another - far geographically or far higher in looks league - and pursue them. Success with these would require clearing obstacles and the greater the obstacle you overcome on the way, the greater the feeling of success there shall be eventually (bearing in mind that there might not be any success).

Cl0wnbby · 2024-05-12T18:02:39+00:00

Can you give me some advice? Where did you meet these women from? Did you do anything different with your looks to attract these girls?

FlashyMapper · 2024-05-12T18:14:25+00:00

Good for you man. I feel the same exhaustion but from failure. I swiped like 200k right (extracted stats from tinder) and had 100 dates over the last 3 years. Only 5 were sexual though. I'm super introverted and have social anxiety so Tinder is kinda a blessing but on the other hand it's life on hard mode. Not really worth it tho ...

2024-05-12T18:47:17+00:00

Give it a break for a bit. You’ll learn what it feels like to be centered and not so thirsty. Drop the dating apps. Talk to people for fun. One day, it will click again with someone, and will be fresh and great

Big-Aardvark-3720 · 2024-05-12T19:38:22+00:00

Did you masturbate/ do you masturbate regularly ?

NewOCLibraryReddit · 2024-05-12T19:41:53+00:00

Posts like this, I tend to look at post history to find field reports. Didn't find any. Color me surprised.

During this time, I went out on dates with about 40-50 women, and slept with 20 of them.

Cold approaching? Networking? Online dating? Prostitutes? Parties?

i hate dating apps.

Okay. Being that you aren't using dating apps. How are you meeting so many bang-able women?

Corrosivecoral · 2024-05-12T20:13:20+00:00

Go celibate for 6 months. I’m guessing these feelings will be a lot different.

TheRoyalCentaur · 2024-05-12T20:33:52+00:00

Sounds like it’s time for some “you” time. Put the women and the dating and all the hoopla around it to the side and just do what brings you joy. Spend time with you. Take yourself out to dinner. Go out dancing in a warehouse til 6am. Visit an art museum. Paint a picture. Take a solo weekend trip into nature outside of the city. Go hiking. Travel abroad and backpack for a week or 2- stay at hostels and live minimal. The goal is for you to Get to know yourself better without worrying about what’s to come or what had been, and to start making new connections outside of social media that are not romance oriented. Overall, Just be present with you- doing what you love for as long as you like- and everything else will come naturally.

ThemeAppropriate575 · 2024-05-12T20:53:22+00:00

Just question please, how do you do to pick all these girls? What's your secret? Lol

Momentum_Stuntman · 2024-05-12T21:42:41+00:00

Running through girls shouldn't make you depressed. Are you exercising and eating a healthy amount of fruits and vegetables? Might be something a doctor could look at. I don't think 20 women will desensitize you, that's energizing. Maybe spend more time with friends and family and not hoes draining you all the time. Also having a solid nice girl around wouldn't hurt.

gr3nade · 2024-05-12T22:16:15+00:00

It's not uncommon to chase a thing, get the thing and then find that the thing is no longer satisfying. Sometimes it's because that thing isn't as fulfilling as you thought it would be. Sometimes it's because without the challenge, it's just not fun.

Can't say I've experienced the same thing with women, I've had nowhere near your level of success but I did experience something like this in my career. Was grinding for some years, got to a really good position that I wanted with amazing pay and I realized I didn't want any of it. Maybe it was the wrong field or the wrong job or the wrong company but I'm pretty sure I just like to chase shit. The payoff is only satisfying for a short period of time until I inevitably get bored.

Lucky-Finish7331 · 2024-05-12T22:30:10+00:00

How did you meet them?

billoverbeck00 · 2024-05-12T22:30:55+00:00

I don’t think I’ve slept with 20 in one year but I feel exactly the same way lmao

Principe_de_Lety · 2024-05-12T23:01:32+00:00

Can't relate...your testosterone might be low or you're only dealing with ugly chicks.

I've slept with 10 women so far this year and it's so exciting every time

PersonalityTypical97 · 2024-05-12T23:02:14+00:00

Yeah same dude. I traveled in lived in Asia for 5 years and dated non stop… enjoyed it but now I’m just super not interested in sex or romantic relationships. I’ve been single and celibate for about 5 months now which is the longest it’s ever been. Kinda scared I’ll never have that “drive” again 😅 but maybe that’s for the best lol. Or maybe after a year break I’ll change back, become a bit more sensitized?

PuzzleheadedPie5468 · 2024-05-12T23:19:54+00:00

Were they all from the apps or mixed with outside ?

champsammy14 · 2024-05-12T23:36:00+00:00

I took a long break from dating and I went on a couple of dates this year.

First of which suggested we get food to go and eat back at her place. Before we met up she changed plans twice on the day off and it turns out she didn't have a car (which was fine, I've been without a car myself). I dropped her off and instead of going up to her place with her I just told her that I don't think we're a good fit.

Second date asked me to come to my place after dinner to watch a basketball game. I wasn't expecting company that night, I told her about this, but I said sure. Things were getting late and she asked if she could spend the night, I said no.

I guess randoms kinda lose its luster over time.

I'm more interested in taking care of myself and building myself up now. Online dating sucks. Not as fun as it used to be and I've calmed down a lot.

StriveForGreat1017 · 2024-05-12T23:57:25+00:00

I’m curious bro, because I see in previous post where you complained about your height? Do you not feel like that was a limiting factor for you at all ?

Osiris_Raphious · 2024-05-13T00:47:37+00:00

Yes eventually many men, will grow out of the fuck boi phase, and transition intoi life building and committed relationship phase..

Sleeping with many women, has a good benefit of getting out and then finding the right one.

TheRealMe54321 · 2024-05-13T01:24:59+00:00

Check your testosterone.

Regardless, it's ok to not want to date or have sex. What's the issue? I would absolutely love to be completely indifferent towards women, it would save me so much effort and time and stress.

drdavidbanner20 · 2024-05-13T01:51:50+00:00

You've just acclimated to dating and the process required to lead a woman from meeting her to sleeping with her. Dating is no longer this big question mark for you, it's more or less predictable, so it's less exciting. Meet a woman, go on a date(s), sleep with her, and then decide where to go from there.

It's normal.

The good thing about sex is that it's a biological need, which means the desire increases with abstinence. The longer you go without it, the more you want it. You can use this to your advantage.

Since you're looking for a relationship, and since you're kind of over the casual sex thing, I'd recommend ONLY going on dates with women who really excite you (ie women you could see yourself being in a serious relationship with).

This will naturally make you more selective with women, which will result in less dates you have to go on, but more excitement from each individual date.

This also means you'll be having less sex, which will make sex more enjoyable when you do have it because your body will be craving it (provided you're not seeking release elsewhere).

Give this a shot before trying therapy. I think you've just overindulged on dating and sex and just need a minor reboot. Hope this helps.

JustSomeRandomGuy36 · 2024-05-13T02:08:40+00:00

Just keep a good woman in your life mate

throwaway808636 · 2024-05-13T05:14:25+00:00

man ur so lucky i wish i slept with many women but i have to rely on going to massage parlors.

DONT TRIP ABOUT IT. JUST FIND A GIRLFRIEND. if you dont put in the work, how will you expect a girl to love you? GO!

negroewebster · 2024-05-13T06:52:58+00:00

I'm about to turn 32 and am going through the exact same thing. For me I'm content with focusing on my business and jiu jitsu and picking the right woman when she presents herself

Ok-Squirrel-8013 · 2024-05-13T06:58:22+00:00

This is what a man sounds like when he’s realized he’s just gay

InterestingBig5702 · 2024-05-13T07:13:31+00:00

Suffering from success

Infamous-Metal-103 · 2024-05-13T08:38:44+00:00

When the game plays the player

gusolsen · 2024-05-13T10:41:03+00:00

Hey buddy - I would advise you to try cold approach (if you haven't already). It's much more fun than online dating, you make better connections with higher quality women and the process itself is way more fun. I went on 100+ dates last year and had a lot of fun without any burn out.

Another thing - don't try to force a relationship. This will burn you out. However, if you're dating a good amount of girls that could be relationship material, pick one and slowly start pushing things in that direction.

When you enjoy the process of dating itself, it's more fun and actually way easier to get into relationship because girls don't feel the needy vibe from you and you're also not burning yourself out

FullLifeguard · 2024-05-13T10:44:23+00:00

Bro gotta be making 200k+. You’re so 1% that you really don’t need to be here, you should’ve been found love. Just stop playing and actually vet for red flags

Scoridd · 2024-05-13T11:30:08+00:00

This actually really helped me today. I've been married for a long time and now I"m currently going through divorce (most of the years of the marriage were very happy, just went bad at the end). My number is pretty low, which is kinda getting me down, I've got FOMO, I want to have experienced more. I'm working on that at the mo and seem to be getting a lot more interest than I ever did in my early 20s before I was married + I'm way more confident to approach now, so I'm hoping for an upswing lol. But it's kinda humbling to read things from the other side that it's not all rosy too.

Chipster339 · 2024-05-13T11:45:32+00:00

Can we see some pics of you?

2024-05-13T13:37:52+00:00

Dude don’t thing to much atlesst you are getting girls to fuck there are guys who don’t even get it I would say keep enjoying it someone will come up to you naturally for a long term relationship

FresherCorn · 2024-05-13T13:47:57+00:00

"The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine." When you do something that excites you many times, it no longer becomes something that gives you excitement. It's the fact that it is unique and hard to get that makes it magical. Like when we were kids and were excited/scared of starting school but now it's boring. Or when your parents took you very rarely to fast foods and so you thought that McDonald's was a magical place but the more you went there, the more boring and usual it becomes. Relationships and sex are the same. This is for the guys who are reading and haven't done anything yet. Sex and relationships is cool and all but the more you do it with different people, the more the magic dies

Edit: I'm not saying not to do that stuff, of course hahaha. I'm just saying that the more you do it, the less exciting it becomes so be careful

mpolo630 · 2024-05-13T15:37:56+00:00

You guys are getting women ? That's why we can't find any you are getting them all 😂

berzerker5000 · 2024-05-13T17:22:41+00:00

Maybe you should go to another country for your last rodeo. Spicy foreign women are fun

ShakaPiontkowskie1 · 2024-05-13T21:18:14+00:00

It happens to everyone who has had an exceptional amount of women in their lives. You get desensitized to it. That said, online dates and social introductions are very different from actually starting as a stranger and ending as a lover, ala cold approach. Even though you said you did some approaches, most of success came from apps. Don't make the mistake of thinking you've got women pegged because you killed it online. I would suggest taking on the challenge of cold approach fully to help you meet women you actually like, learn how to be a memorable man and give women an experience they want to remember as long as they live. The battle to truly become exceptional with women will kickstart new life into you, for sure.

Alternative-Bad-492 · 2024-05-15T05:49:16+00:00

Genuine question. How attractive were the women that you were dating? Were they stunners etc? It could be that you are dating below your level. I imagine if you slept with 20 in one year, you weren’t aiming very high. Genuinely if we find someone we don’t think we can replace easily, we don’t want to just hit and quit

ajeebaatma · 2024-06-03T17:36:46+00:00

Suffering from success

BarryBold8 · 2024-06-20T16:17:41+00:00

This is amazing and I’m just commenting so I can come back to this- also have felt similar

I say I’m graduated from that phase and ready for something real

And the second I stopped looking for it I found a girl that really is a great fit for me

Pancake_fuqville · 2024-05-12T03:55:11+00:00

Those are rookie numbers. Gotta bump those up

epimpstyle · 2024-05-12T08:43:18+00:00

With a 50% success rate, honestly you are a super guru of seduction, you are way better than anyone I know, I think you could give lessons to Bradicus, Todd V and others.

I'm 46 now and I haven't lost the interest to pick up girls... this is a bad habit because you can't stop and also you can't have a stable relationship, you always want something new.

Big_Accountant8489 · 2024-05-12T03:39:55+00:00

It just takes willpower my friend & commitment

Are you truly serious about being in a relationship or do you just want a change up?

After that many partners in such a short period of time, you become numb to dating and to sex. What I normally hear men in your situation say is that they feel lonely and desire a relationship. If that’s the reason, then you’re doing it for the wrong reason.

Do you feel like you have something to offer a girlfriend? Can you put in the necessary energy into a relationship after wasting energy on all those other women?

Those are some things to think about man

I know people in your situation and it never ends well. You’ll latch onto the first thing that shows you a little attention. You might be looking for something long term but you still got that dog in you. Can’t bring that into a relationship. Just be careful…

Dynamix86 · 2024-05-12T06:59:53+00:00

I’ve experienced a similar feeling. It’s just the natural result of sleeping with a lot if women. It’s not good for your psyche and it will hurt you in the long run if your goal is to have a monogamous relationship with someone.

Quality over quantity. Only focus on the women you really find attractive, not on the unlimited 6s and 7s buffet. That will get you more excited, it will feel like more of a challenge and from thereon filter as soon as possible, so with some red flags and when you know a girl isn’t gf material, drop her. Your confidence will go up even more once you have let a few really desirable women go.

ConradT16 · 2024-05-12T03:58:18+00:00

I want to be like this, I want to have had so much sex that I don't give a shit about it, I want to be so good with women that I don't give a damn about them, you sir are an inspiration

Ok-Purple-6792 · 2024-05-12T10:57:33+00:00

2 words that will give you everything you need and more

Find Christ.

lazyonetrickpony · 2024-05-12T03:37:13+00:00

yeah nah man get your hormones checked, specifically your testosterone that ain’t sounding right

Abhi005 · 2024-05-12T08:04:48+00:00

How do you get so much women. We are struggling to get 5 or 6 women. And I only had with 3. That was months ago. How do you get these girls.

2024-05-12T08:06:39+00:00

It's not the fault of men that women refuse to make themselves interesting and appealing to us in order for us to want to date them after we had sex with a couple of them. Your reaction is very normal but you really just understand the way things are. I recommend to you to spread awareness among female communities and call them for action not you for action

Popular-Ad3476 · 2024-05-12T13:31:56+00:00

Can try batting for the other team 🤷🏻‍♂️

theVirginAmberRose · 2024-05-12T23:33:41+00:00

Just let you know your therapist could be highly biased against you. Especially if that therapist is a feminist

roakmamba · 2024-05-13T00:23:44+00:00

Burnt out, maybe you're gay, or low T levels.

Amazing_sf · 2024-05-12T06:07:30+00:00

Are you turning into gay? 🤣

robertlf · 2024-05-12T14:47:59+00:00

I slept with a bunch of women and now I feel bad. Boo-hoo-hoo. Was-waa-waaa. 😂

Karmakiller3003 · 2024-05-12T06:05:34+00:00

Is this real? lol 20 women in one year is nothing lmao

You just sound like you have mental issues.

Title	Slept with 20 women in one year: Truing to deal with bad effects
Author	OliveWhisperer
Upvotes	1261
Comments	363
Date	May 12, 2024 3:05 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1cpy8ki/slept_with_20_women_in_one_year_truing_to_deal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/slept-with-20-women-in-one-year-truing-to-deal.1518273 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518273

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